29

Lyrics: Gin Blossoms - "29"
Album: New Miserable Experience

Time won't stand by forever
If I know it's true
and I've learned not to say never
else I'll seem the fool
Twenty-nine, you'd think I'd know better
livin' like a kid
Cause when my lies may seem less than clever
it's when I fall for it

So my 29th birthday has come and gone.

Didn't do anything, really. Got my present already, and the parents are coming down Saturday to go out to dinner. I'll also finally be getting a headboard for my bed.

But my inactivity gave me time to reflect on 28. And 28 was a huge year.

It was the year I finally left the nest for good. The apprehension and nervousness surrounding my move nearly 11 months ago was replaced soon after by that euphoric feeling of independence, which was replaced even sooner after that by the heavy burden of total responsibility. These may eventually turn into the same thing; we'll have to see. I stumbled, I kept my feet, I moved on.

I learned that some things never change. And some things are meant to always change.

I've learned when to duck and when to take the punch. I'm making progress on knowing when to swing back.

I've gained a little better idea now of what I'd want in a relationship by focusing on what I don't want. I wondered if this was the best way to go about it. I also wondered if the things I don't want were holding me back. I concluded that the shyness I still haven't gotten over is holding me back more than anything else.

There's no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted out hinges
Take 'em for a ride

Even so, I can still think of the possibilities. I can dive into my ever-increasing responsibilities at work, become a better communicator, learn to run things. Get better, figure out just where I want to go with this.

I need to meet people. More people, that is. In real life. It's difficult, with my personality and work hours, but it'd be a big help.

I think of what awaits me in Action! and WCWF. I was rapping with Tyler the other night, giving him some of my ideas for our Sabotage vs. LoD2K3 feud, and I loved that he was so receptive - it shows not only that I can be constructively inspired by random thoughts at 3 a.m., but that they're GOOD random thoughts that could potentially tell a good story.

Only time will tell
If wishing wells
Will bring us anything
Fade like scenes
From childhood dreams
Forgotten memories

Those of you who may be Gin Blossoms aficionados see that I skipped a stanza: Some rides don't have much of a finish / That's the ride I took / Through good and bad and straight through indifferent / Without a second look

It's because I don't know what ride I'm on yet. But I know I'm on one.

The goal for each year is (should be?) to be a little better than the last.

NP: Miles Davis - "All Blues"

And if you don't know Miles, then I don't know you.