Friday, November 29, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Out In the Wash

Man, the Colts start things as effectively as I do. How are you gonna let Ryan Fitzpatrick do you like that? Did dude just headbutt the guy whose helmet got knocked off? He's getting thrown out, right? He's not? Seriously? The thing is, the Trent Richardson trade wasn't supposed to make Donald Brown the Colts' best running back. The Titans' special teams have been rather sad at the most inopportune times tonight. Like that onside kick, for instance. Giddyup. (Colts 30, Titans 27)

Signal Finder: WAS @ PHI, SD @ MIA, DET @ PIT (end), GB @ NYG



Everything went wrong on that long ball to Cooper. This is why you don't lead with your helmet. Well that amounted to nothing. Whoa, Griffin actually slid. They're saying he accidentally caught Chung in the mouth when he slid. How does that even happen? What does John Lynch know about Jamel Holoway? Eagles have been mostly running free so far against this defense. McCoy! Ryan Kerrigan's good but he can't cover him. Foles with a spin move?


A screen to the tight end? Who does that? This'll probably be ruled down at the 2 or so but Celek ran through about six guys. You dream of holes that big when you're one yard out. THAT is how you tackle someone. The entire Redskins defense should be taking notes. Now Griffin's gone into, "Well, looks like I'll have to do this all myself" mode. He's doing some good things on this drive. That's not one of them. Couple bad penalties to start, though I'm sure Meriwether did something to deserve being yapped at. This Eagles offense is good and this Redskins defense is bad. Ouch. Fletcher just crushed Foles. Oh THAT'S not good. Well, they got three out of it. This... isn't a fumble. Or at least it shouldn't be. Hey, another sack by Cole! Also holding, which is just funny. Oh good, Shady's back. Refs missed a facemask on Jackson (who Peters committed his on) plus Kerrigan was offside. Still, Eagles have been getting open all day. That drive took 5:19? That's an eternity. Why are the Redskins running the ball down 24-0? Someone pulled 2008 Trent Cole into the future. Good job by Erin Andrews here calling on her familiarity with Chip to talk about his philosophy. Things are slowing down now. How does the fullback get that open? And Cole and Chung banged helmets. This game feels like it should be closer to ending than it actually is. Why are the Redskins letting the play clock run down? And they're running the ball too? Really? WHAT. That looked like it was covered and the receiver came back and got it.


Foles is short. Kick this. That's a big-time punt. This returner doesn't have much confidence to let it go like that. Big third-down catch by Moss. Get your hand off his face mask. I think it's telling that every time I see Cary Williams involved in some weirdness down the field, I assume he's responsible for something bad happening when it probably hasn't been all his fault all the time. Carmichael slipped for a moment on that 3rd down pass to Moss. No! Wait, where was there even a hold? This is becoming ridiculous. BRANDON BOYKIN HAS SAVED US ALL. That was WAY too close. (Eagles 24, Redskins 16)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That:




And the way things have gone for these two teams, I'm not sure the game would have been much better under non-life-threatening conditions. (Bears 23, Ravens 20, OT)

How do you let Stafford get a first down running? The Lions needed this game. Good win for the Steelers but I fear it's too late. (Steelers 37, Lions 27)

Meanwhile, everyone in Miami's throwing interceptions. It seems like the Dolphins host a lot of 4 o'clock games that aren't part of doubleheader Sundays. Can't let Gates run free down at the goal line. Yeah, that's roughing. Two full steps AFTER the ball's gone? The good thing for the Dolphins is it negated a terrible fumble by Hartline at about the 1. Thomas went airborne to score there. You don't see that much anymore. Both teams need to win this game but neither one seems to want to. This will come back because I'm pretty sure Rivers was past the line of scrimmage. Yeah, that wasn't close. Where'd the Dolphins find this Clay guy? Really useful player. That pocket just fell apart on Rivers. Also, no one was open. I almost think they should try a field goal here, or maybe even run a fake.  Dolphins called time out for no apparent reason after Rivers spiked it. The second one made sense because you gotta have 11 men out there. KNOCK IT DOWN! SOMEBODY DID FOR ONCE. PRAISE BE. (Dolphins 20, Chargers 16)


That's not good punt coverage. This has been the Giants' best drive in about a month. The Packers' pass defense looks like the Redskins'. Now Eli's throwing up some high balls. I see Clay Matthews is club-less this week. Whoa. Let's not forget, though: Tolzien moved the ball against the Eagles last week but the Packers missed two field goals and threw an interception in the end zone. The other thing that's cost Hakeem Nicks money this season is Reuben Randle's emergence.


Nice diving pick by Williams to end this Giants drive. Jon Beason had basically lost his job in Carolina and that's why he was available in the first place — he's helped them solely by being their first mostly competent linebacker since Antonio Pierce. Holy hell Mason Crosby. Where'd he pull that from? Not sure where Tolzien was going with that pass that Beason intercepted.
The Packers just ran a fake punt that almost worked. This is like the Foles run that came up just short.


Brandon Jacobs still being a viable NFL player in 2013 concerns me. Oh, look, the Giants got beaten deep again. And Lacy puts the Packers right back in this game. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. That was like the interception version of the Clowney hit against Michigan. Don't like the Packers punting here. And that Rolle pick will end it. Don't look now, but... oh, let's not kid ourselves. Don't actually look now. Stop with these delusions. (Giants 27, Packers 13)


What's hilarious to me is everyone complaining about the call when Brees got clotheslined (which was borderline at full speed) when it was Sproles getting run over on the fair catch that actually decided this game. (Saints 23, 49ers 20)

Did we ever get a halfway decent explanation as to why Kubiak pulled Keenum that wasn't either "he's trying to get fired" or "he's shaving points"? And about the Schaub-Johnson dust-up: Schaub made a bad throw into traffic and Johnson short-armed it. So they're both to blame. (Raiders 28, Texans 23)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Roy Ellison; 2. Clete Blakeman; 3. Tony Corrente.

"Just a Job To Do" by Genesis? Solid deep cut.



PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Quentin Jammer's on the Broncos? When did this happen? Bowe had to turn around for that one.




Later, Smith tried to hit Bowe on that sideline pattern that Demariyus had already beaten them twice on. The flag gives them another shot and Charles gets loose. Knile Davis is getting a little too much run here for my taste. I'm stunned Andy hasn't called a pass play here. You're not beating the Broncos with field goals, sir. This also allows Peyton to march down the field without a care in the world. Demps just missed a pick-six. Prater missed? That's a bad sack. How do neither McCluster or Charles think to get out of bounds? Defensive holding? Collinsworth just said what I was thinking. But if the Chiefs decline the penalty, wouldn't the half end?

TY sir. Von Miller going down is problematic but as they're showing, Fisher (who hasn't been good this year) has handled him to this point. I'm actually more surprised than I probably should be that we've gone this long without anyone scoring. Hey, a Brad Childress sighting. Spread Game Analyst/Special Projects? What does that even mean? Does the spread game need its own analyst? Is this college?

Andy's mad about something but I think Woodyard was within five yards. Uh-oh, Decker got free. First we've seen of him tonight. And Ball scores again. Oh, that's a rather obvious hold that explains how Smith was able to escape the pocket the second time. Lot of Broncos getting banged up tonight. Wait... what are the Chiefs doing?

And Collinsworth calls that a successful drive. Whatever, man. Reid challenging that would have been some kind of exacta. Seriously, guys? Fox would never go for it here. That said, it almost doesn't matter — the Chiefs aren't scoring 14 points in seven minutes. Feels like they're not moving quickly enough. Is this worth a challenge? APPARENTLY IT IS.


All that and they kicked it deep? I don't agree with that, either. This is a critical spot, and now a critical challenge. And that one goes to the Broncos, and likely so does this game. Wouldn't "touchdown, touchdown" be most preferable? And how did McCluster catch that? (Seriously, every time situations like this come up, the announcers always talk in terms of tying the game instead of winning it. Bugs the crap out of me. Didn't they listen to Herman Edwards?) If I'm the Broncos I don't want that to be an interception. This is what we expected, right?

I mean, not that part, but the rest of it, right? (Broncos 27, Chiefs 17)


This was quite the sequence: Tirico: "...Tom Brady." Patriots: walk out Crowd: "BOOOOOOO!!!!!" Remember a month ago when this matchup looked like an utter disaster? These graphics though. The Shane Vereen Show to start? They're not booing; they're saying "Luuuuuuuke." And that guy is why Jon Beason's now a Giant. Steve Smith! RULES AND REGULATIONS. Gruden having flashbacks was amusing. DO NOT FIGHT STEVE SMITH. Seriously, you knew that was getting ugly when Talib wouldn't let go. CAM IS SPLIT OUT WIDE. Smith's got Talib shook. Hey, Lafell actually caught it! Man, Belichick's doghouse is filling up quick. We're all talking about Ron Rivera pulling himself out of the bottomless pit, but this is easily Mike Shula's (Carolina offensive coordinator) best-ever coaching job. Talib is all kinds of twisted up right now.

Also worth noting: The Panthers start a cornerback whose given name is "Captain." Carry on.

Cam just ran for 25 yards. Hey, there's Gronk. (It's the two minute warning, BTW.) Quintin Mikell's still alive? Apropos of nothing, but I just learned that Michael Bolton is flat broke. Tolbert should never run outside the tackle box but that somehow worked. Talib was about five yards away from Smith on that one. Olson! And the Panthers regain the lead. I guess Ridley got pardoned. And that makes it official. That completion streak almost got broken up in a bad way. Two Rutgers guys defending that pass? I'm honestly surprised the Patriots haven't run the ball more this season — maybe Vereen's injury hampered that somewhat, but that's clearly their strength. And of course they go away from it and Brady throws it to nobody, saving four points for Carolina. (Nobody wants to talk about how Belichick has slipped over the last five years.) On the flip side, the Panthers should probably start going downfield even though they've been searching for a second receiver since Cam got there. It may ultimately have to be Olsen. Olsen and McCourty trying to get the same holding call was  hilarious, and the refs got it right. Damn, Talib's not even on the field?


THE ORIGINAL SPEED STRIKES AGAIN!! These teams have been here before. And Brady finds Gronk on fourth down. Unbelievable. Not over yet. That one was off Vereen's hands but Kuechly was right there. Oh, that was his hand they were showing earlier. Two chances here for the Patriots. Now one. OK, I don't know how they got that sideline route SO quickly. Still one more chance. INTER- oh, no. No, not... NO FOUL?! Brady's pissed. And why is this ref letting Ryan Mallett give him lip? He should eject him on general principle. Hey, ESPN's actually using Gerry Austin! They ruled it uncatchable. How, exactly? And now we're seeing why ESPN doesn't use Gerry Austin — he couldn't be more wrong about this.


(Panthers 24, Patriots 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (9-1) — Now we're learning things
2. Seattle (10-1) — Powering up for the stretch run
3. Kansas City (9-1) — Had their chances
4. New Orleans (8-2) — Sliding back into the picture


BOTTOM 4:
29. Houston (2-8) — It's all fallen apart
30. Minnesota (2-8) — I am Percy Harvin's spiteful revenge
31. Tampa Bay (2-8) — Didn't see that demolition coming
32. Jacksonville (1-9) — Back to normal

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Sunday, November 24, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Emergency Exits

Yeah, I'll pass. (Vikings 34, Redskins 27)

Signal Finder: OAK @ NYG, PHI @ GB, CIN @ BAL (end), DEN @ SD

LOL at Giants fans thinking they're still in it. Your team is terrible, guys! Granted, so are the Raiders' fans team, but still. SPECIAL TEAMS DEBACLES. Sloppy football at MetLife Headquarters: It's a 2013 tradition! Why are the Giants throwing screens to Peyton Hillis? On 3rd and 20, no less? The Raiders are covering the Giants about as well as they covered the Eagles last week. And even when they cover well, like on the Randle touchdown pass, Eli makes a great throw.Oakland has a 3rd and 34 right now. And Eli just threw a pick-six.

I see the week off hasn't helped the Giants at all. Pryor just threw a terrible interception right to Thomas. Was he down? Right, all turnovers are reviewed. Gotcha. Of course Nicks drops a touchdown pass. I am suffering for you people right now. SUFFERING. ANOTHER BLOCKED PUNT. OK, so not technically. Is this where the Giants give up a game-winning touchdown drive? Actually, no. Pryor didn't feel the rush coming. Gotta get rid of the ball. Well that's that. (Giants 24, Raiders 20)

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology."


How do you leave Nelson open? The Eagles' defense is improving and is still ranked last in the league. And Kendricks got taken out by his own teammate. OK! This field goal attempt doesn't seem wise. CLANG. And another CLANG as Foles throws into what ends up being double coverage but both Packers miss the ball and DeSean ends up in the end zone. Did something happen to Wallace? Oh, looking at the replay, that may be a hamstring or a groin injury. Me, last week: "What happens if something happens to Wallace?" SCOTT TOLZIEN HAPPENS, THAT'S WHAT.


The Eagles are struggling so far covering swing-type routes. That wasn't a first down? Odd. And why not go for it? Lacy's been running over the Eagles so far. Uh-oh, Peters came back in after a head injury for one play and now it looks like he's hurt worse. Then possession changes and now Earl Wolff's down. Why are you calling time out after a penalty, Packers? Najee Goode just dropped an interception. Sick catch by Boykin — wait, did he get both feet down? That should have been challenged, no? And the Packers help the Eagles out by not running on third and short. THE OTHER BOYKIN! And he's got a cavalcade! He's getting tired. All that and nobody ends up scoring? Brutal. Is there a Heinz Field thing going on down at that end? Because that's where Crosby missed his, too. This game has fallen into a definitive pattern: Packers put together sustained drive, something bad happens at the end, Eagles go three-and-out, lather, rinse, repeat. Crosby misses AGAIN? What happened there? Terrible throw by Foles and Aikman thinks DeSean lost it in the sun, which is plausible as he's pointing to his face and shrugging and shaking his head. Is that roughing? I mean, it's a late hit, but whatever. We'll take it! Somebody made a field goal! So much for that improving Eagles secondary... they're getting torn apart in this 2-minute drill. How does Tolzien throw that pass? First the coverage is way too tight, and how does it get in that hole? Hey, somebody else made a field goal. Now we've got some more special teams weirdness. They mis-spotted the ball? Oh. Nice deep throw by Foles and nice job by Cooper adjusting — that looked like it was going to be intercepted at first. Now Tolzien has to throw more than he'd like. Deflection into an interception. Nice dive, DeMeco. I don't think this was part of my possible outcomes for this game. Another swing pass for a touchdown. That's the third almost-pick Foles has thrown. How did Avant catch that? Foles slides like a drunken man. The Packers covered that like the Raiders did. THAT'S roughing the passer. Did Curry just hug the ref after that sack?


This possible fumble is close. I don't think I could overturn it. WHY DID I TYPE THAT. Whoa. McCarthy's gotta challenge this one, too. You saw his reaction before the announcement. Big run after the catch by Casey. Now the Eagles are just running the ball down the Packers' throats. Who says Chip can't adjust? This was... I'm not sure what this was. Most likely a learning experience. (Eagles 27, Packers 13)


The Rams are doing to the Colts what the Spurs did to the Knicks, that's what. Also they finally decided to use Tavon Austin, though fielding that punt was highly questionable. At this point I'd say, "Hey, guess who's been nailed to the end of one of my fantasy team's benches all year!" but none of you care.(Rams 38, Colts 8)

The problem today is that the Ravens haven't been able to run the ball all year because their offensive line is awful and has been all season. That's why Flacco's having the problems he's having, too.

That first pick was one of the worst of the year. That last one wasn't completely his fault but that's a bad throw into coverage. Congratulations, Bengals: You got the ball back. Mind picking up the pace? Seriously, there was NO urgency on that drive. KNOCK IT DOWN!!!!!!

In a way, A.J. Green will never catch an easier touchdown pass. That play needed Gus Johnson.
The Bengals' last two drives have been brutal. Gio Bernard on a screen pass? That may be the worst fourth down play ever called. Though Boomer's equally wrong — punting's the worst option at that spot on the field. No idea why they're reviewing this. And the Ravens win a game that neither team deserved to. (Ravens 20, Bengals 17, OT)

JAGUARS!!!! (Jaguars 29, Titans 27)


Who needs arm strength? Maybe the Broncos don't need wide receivers the way Julius Thomas is going right now. Simms exaggerating SLIGHTLY. Did he get in? Oh, the ball did. Never mind then. Demariyus Thomas is officially running wild. That's two in a row. Oh, it's three. I stand corrected. After the Woodhead touchdown, things have ground to a halt. Gates is getting open too many times for the Broncos' sake. If Gates had caught that one in the end zone behind the defender's back, it's the catch of the decade. Mathews didn't make it. I stand corrected. Um, why WOULDN'T you go for two here? Seriously, guys? And how is it "too early"? It's the FOURTH QUARTER. Fumble? No. Broncos got lucky there. That's a risky pass. High and with a man behind Thomas, if that's incomplete or worse... and now Peyton's sitting on the grass. There's no reason for him to be in there to hand off to Knowshon Moreno. Brock Osweiler can do that. Still, game over. (Broncos 28, Chargers 20)


Guys, the Panthers might go to the playoffs. Guys. Seriously. (Panthers 10, 49ers 9)

A muffed punt? That's no good. Hey, Marques Colston! How was there no flag on that out-of-bounds hit on Harris? Yeah, the Cowboys don't need Sean Lee getting hurt again. And I find it interesting that DeMarco Murray gets the "injury-prone" label but Lee doesn't.


We just saw Mark Ingram's biggest play ever as a Saint. Yes, I'm aware it was only 13 yards. Pierre Thomas will always be underrated. Good to see Harris back out there after that hit earlier. Now we got the punter/kickoff guy in there breaking up a fight. Actually, after hearing that trombonist play the orchestral Sunday Night Football theme and thinking about it, NBC should give the Sunday Night Football DJ the night off and just use New Orleans street musicians for bumpers. (This would also apply to Nashville if the Titans are ever good again.) Apparently, Drew Brees is on fire. Knife. Through. Butter. I mean, they went 75 yards in 45 seconds. THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MARK INGRAM'S PRO CAREER.




It's oddly true, though: when Lee goes out, that Cowboys D goes directly to the Ninth Circle of Hell. I mean, with him they're probably in the fourth, but still. Missing a 37-yard field goal indoors in inexcusable. Hey, a Dez Bryant sighting. He's been locked down all night and he almost dropped that one on two separate occasions. I LOVE the onside kick here — the Cowboys aren't stopping this Saints offense. Of COURSE it's intentional grounding. These are Tony Romo's Cowboys we're talking about. Doing stupid things at the worst possible time is their trademark. Brees just dropped an actual bomb on those poor kids. I mean that's just not fair.Yet it's also hilarious. Reconcile that, why don't you. (Saints 49, Cowboys 17)


And now we've got this car crash. It's a sad commentary when the Jaguars are the most stable NFL franchise in Florida (and only the third-most stable football team, behind Florida State and UCF, of all people.) Gruden might as well have said "They both suck" when talking about Martin and Incognito's on-field performance. The Dolphins essentially traded Jake Long for Mike Wallace and Wallace has been awful in Miami. There's a saying in the NBA: "You never trade big for small." Probably goes double in the NFL. Oh man, now this James kid is down? Who's his backup? When did the Bucs get Brian Leonard? I mean Schiano loves to stockpile his Rutgers guys so it's not surprising that he's here; I just missed it. TACKLE ELIGIBLE TOUCHDOWN!


Oddly, it's the Dolphins' defense that's getting its ass kicked to start out. Gruden talking about the Bucs' need for a franchise quarterback is hilarious since that's why he's sitting in the booth and not still on the sidelines. (To be fair to him, though, the Buccaneers have NEVER developed a franchise quarterback in their entire history. And no, Steve Young doesn't count. And Vinny Testaverde definitely doesn't count.) SAFETY. Dude came right through the line. This is just sad to watch. Even the Dolphins' special teams are getting worked.Wait, what's happening here? This... this is a good drive. As Gruden said, the Dolphins have shortened the routes and dropbacks because Tannehill has no time and they know it. Conspicuous by his absence is Mike Wallace. Touchdown and this is remarkably a one-score game.



Odd that Ross hasn't spoken to either player yet (and not tried to contact Incognito at all.) What's been handled worse: this or RGIII's injury? I feel like it's this only because more people are involved to screw it up. Great punt, but didn't it hit the pylon? How is that not a touchback? That's some dangerous play calling down here. Did this game just flip on itself? Now it's the Bucs' special teams that are stinking up the joint.
Down by contact is the right call there. Don't quite get going for two at this point in the game but whatever. The first incompletion in Jackson's direction had everyone puzzled. Nobody knew what he was looking at. Then Glennon throws an interception and everyone started wondering what he was looking at.




The Bucs seem to have smartened up like the Dolphins did earlier — they threw one pass on that touchdown drive. BUCS LEAD. There's an awful lot of stupid going on in this game too — Pouncey's punch, Goldson's headbutt, this bullshit with the punt returner hitting a gunner for no reason. Good Lord, how was that not picked off? Glennon has no idea how lucky he just got.
Now the Dolphins have a shot. Well, sort of. Of course Tannehill gets buried by five guys. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Wallace was doubled and Revis picks it off. I'd say "only the 2013 Buccaneers could get a delay of game penalty during a kneeldown sequence" but the 2013 Jaguars could easily have done it also.

Actually, they probably pour it into the river but whatever. (Buccaneers 22, Dolphins 19)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (9-0) — Entering the crucible
2. Denver (8-1) — Peyton's future health in question?
3. Seattle (9-1) — Going streaking
4. New England (7-2) — With some reluctance

BOTTOM 4:
29. Buffalo (3-6) — Nothing ever goes right for this bunch
30. Minnesota (2-7) — It's hard to do this on purpose
31. Tampa Bay (1-8) — See below
32. Jacksonville (1-8) — Celebrate.

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Sunday, November 17, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Salvage Ops


Then a game-ending safety in overtime. That's the most Bengals way to lose ever. (Dolphins 22, Bengals 20, OT)

Signal Finder: SD @ WAS, PHI @ OAK, PIT @ NE

As well as things had been going for the Saints up until this game, what's gotten lost is that Marques Colston, who sat today out, has not had a good season.It's weird to say that Brees threw for 382 yards and was somehow held in check. A reverse to a tight end on 4th and short? The Saints on the road, man...

(Jets 26, Saints 20)

All that and it gets blocked. That's unfortunate. The Redskins have been getting owned on special teams so far — that and two punts downed at the 1. Wait, what? Touchdown! The deflection hit another Charger in the back. Then the Redskins almost fumble the ensuing kickoff? This'll end badly. Now we got a Rivers interception and a donnybrook and flags all over the place.


Rivers has had to survive his pocket breaking down a few times already. I just saw the worst offensive pass interference call ever. Oh my goodness.

Isn't Griffin tall enough to avoid getting his throws deflected like that? I'm not sure why Fouts is advocating they run out the clock if they think they can move the ball and get into field goal position. Of course it has to work... ANOTHER block? Somebody needs to get fired. That's a fantastic catch by Garcon and the worst defensive pass interference ever. Was he in? That's close. Nope, he didn't quite make it. If at first you don't succeed...That's how you finish off a nine-minute drive. Take note, yourselves. Keenan Allen may have just dropped a touchdown. WOLFPACK CIVIL WAR. Dude made a flying leap to pick that one. Hey, this kick didn't get blocked! PROGRESS. Shanahan challenging this Woodhead play and he might have a case here — the ball's definitely coming out. Or not. And the Chargers end up in the end zone. Not sure why the Redskins are setting up for an onside kick here... there's plenty of time for the Chargers to get the ball back. Why not run the ball here, Chargers? Still enough time. Hey Redskins? NICE COVERAGE. There was no one within five yards of Allen. Kid is clowning these fools right now. Rivers on the run is a hilarious sight. They gave Woodhead that touchdown? I don't think he made it. He sure didn't. What's with this play calling? Terrible. Two bad passes by Rivers and the Chargers have to kick it. Overtime! The Redskins are running down the field. That's not a penalty either.




By the same token, the Chargers' play calling cost them this game. (Redskins 30, Chargers 24, OT)


Between this and the Redskins game, the NFC East averted disaster this week. (Cowboys 27, Vikings 23)


Maybe they should move to Candlestick. Eagles defer the kickoff, which is probably the right choice. RAIDERS PENALTIES. Eagle bring the blitz and no one's left in coverage. Wait... did you guys see that? Did you see what just happened? Trent Cole got a sack! Then the Eagles run into the punter and give up a first down. Why is Kurt Coleman still in the league? Also, former special teams coach Bobby April is in this building. Good job by Nate Allen to run down Pryor after that prolonged rollout, and I mean that. Holy crap, Cooper showing off the wheels again. Is it just me or is the offense running at its optimal speed for the first time in a few weeks? Touchdown and it'll stand. Foles looked good. Holy crap Rod Streater. Allen holding on to his jersey for about 15 yards is the only thing that saved them there. And Cary Williams gets bailed out by holding on the Raiders offensive line. You don't really need to hold Brandon Graham, my man. Has Pryor stayed in the pocket once yet?




John Madden in the house! And a Bryce Brown sighting! And he went up the middle! Truly a stunning development. Whoa, from here that looked like Cooper wasn't inbounds but it turns out he got it. Nice throw by Foles. Earl Wolff could have killed Pryor there. DeSean should return punts forever. He shouldn't do that, though. D.J. Hayden is getting used and abused.

And bear in mind that man watched last year's Eagles. Terrelle Pryor is really fast, guys. The Eagles were looking out of sorts until DeSean got free for the first down. The pace of this game, though. Celek should have been stopped before he got the first down and he got 15 more yards. Ertz! That's his first one, right? Running into the kicker? Hmmm. 4th and 1 now... does Chip roll the dice and go for it? I thought he might try it Well, if anyone can be drawn offsides in this spot, it's the Raiders. Boykin tripped himself out of a touchdown maybe. So they called that a backward pass? Sure. That's... not roughing the passer. Put it on the board! This is madness. That's the second Raiders defensive back to fall down and give up a touchdown. Hey, they finally stopped Cooper! I guess they gotta use that torch for something. Gruden lit it a couple years ago, which seems really strange. Why are the Raiders running the ball down 29 points? That's an amazing throw by Foles and Hayden actually covered Jackson pretty well this time. Cooper AGAIN. He can't be stopped OR contained.

The Raiders aren't this bad. Right? That almost-fumble by Pryor makes me realize that we haven't had any turnovers yet. THE VERY NEXT PLAY. That was tipped and should have been caught. Pryor hesitated and was lost. Is Foles going back out there to try to get the record? Who owns a Jim McMahon Eagles jersey? Besides that guy, obviously. Another deflection leads to another pick. They pulled Foles? BOOOOOO. Pryor walking off also means that we're getting a MATT McGLOIN sighting soon. And there that is. Amazing he's on an NFL roster and a tribute to Bill O'Brien, who turned him into a Division I quarterback.

EVER. (Eagles 49, Raiders 20)

Gronk is a giant. Polamalu jumped offside. That guy didn't get in — they better review this. Good reversal. Wow, the Steelers stopped them. Nice work. And then Ben is pressured, throws a crappy pass and it gets intercepted. And Amendola scores immediately. Where's the coverage? I turn back and the Steelers somehow have a 3rd and 30 and almost pick it up. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO? They're going for it. And they didn't get it. That's a hell of a spot. I didn't think he was close. Simms: "I'm a pretty conservative guy when it comes to these fourth down decisions..." YOU DON'T SAY. The Pats made up for the last one by stopping this one. BALANCE! Why does LeGarrette Blount return kickoffs? He's not fast at all. The Steelers' secondary is getting torn apart. This is ridiculous. Antonio Brown got free and kept the Steelers in this game for the immediate future. Of course, now Brady's going back to work. You can set your watch by it. Steelers needed that turnover. They didn't need that sack. Nice recovery! Bell is the Steelers' best player. Cotchery again! Seriously, is it 2008? Foxborough-area barns are on fire right now. Can I state again how horrible the Steelers' secondary has been today? It's like they can't see these guys. Why'd the Steelers cut Mesko? Especially before this game? Brady's gone into MurderDeathKill mode and is making this defense look older than it already is (and it already looked old) This was historically bad. I mean really. Look it up. (Patriots 55, Steelers 31)


This line (Colts by 2) is WAY too low. That is EXACTLY what the Texans needed. Apparently we're not going to cover receivers tonight. Nope, still not bothering.

How many blocked field goals have there been today? And a return on top of it! Watt got that one, too? McAfee getting that punt off after all that may be the most impressive thing that happens tonight. And the re-kick was almost blocked! Flag? Anyone? Good job, Al, for pointing that out. CASE KEENUM HAS BROUGHT ANDRE JOHNSON BACK FROM THE DEAD. Whoa! I recognize those horns!



Was that HUGE cheer for Bush 41? Is he on screen? The Texans are as jacked as the Colts were against the Broncos. The Colts aren't helping themselves with all of these drops. How is that not a fumble? Pagano should have challenged that. Well that kick wasn't even close. Yeah, that's interference — Jackson pulled him down. This is the best chance the Colts have had all night but they cannot protect Luck. Sure, kick the field goal, why not. That's ALSO a fumble and it should stand. I mean, I can't overturn it, if that's what you're asking. Oh WOW.


The Colts are stunned. That's two fumbles they probably should have gotten. Johnson just dropped a third touchdown. This kid runs, too?! And there's Johnson again with a makeup catch — the defender mistimed his jump.

What the... what? They're taking Gary Kubiak off on a stretcher? Good Lord. Hope he's all right, especially on the heels of the John Fox news from the weekend. You know who's not having a good game is Andrew Luck. The Colts' two biggest plays have been Texans penalties and Houston's defensive front is destroying everything in its path. Hilton lost his shoe and gained a touchdown. Nice grab by DeAndre Hopkins.

MISDIRECTION. Keenum's all "Oh, look! Green for days!" Does Ben Tate always run only to the right side? The Texans should probably invest in a kicker. THE HILTON IS OPEN FOR CHECK-IN. (Did I do that right?) Challenge this, Chuck. CHALLENGE IT. There you go. Well, looking at it, it's a catch. But you still have to challenge it. What is going ON down there?!?! The officiating has been brutal tonight. Finally, Luck's getting time. Colts take the lead! Then Luck throws into double coverage and Fleener somehow comes down with it for the two-point conversion. All right, now what? This is just inexperience here. Oh God... they're asking this guy to make a 55-yarder when he's already missed two tonight?


Not even close. Told you that line was too low. (Colts 27, Texans 24)

Ah, the classics. Rodgers took a hard hit on that sack. Why would you try to fake a reverse to somebody besides Devin Hester? Rodgers is going into the locker room? Can Matt Flynn be signed and activated by halftime? The Packers' current backup is Seneca Wallace, and that was a long road just to get to that point. And if Rodgers can't go, this becomes a lot more interesting.

Marshall just dropped a touchdown. He caught that one, though.

Julius Peppers may be slowing down but he can still do some things. Terrible throw by Wallace, though — Peppers was right in front of him. SPECIAL TEAMS. Did Conte just not feel like tackling Starks there? When did Martellus Bennett stop sucking? That was too close. Forte! Fantasy points for me! Get out of there, McCown. Which one are you, even? Josh, right? Michael Bush may be the best backup running back in the league. Tim Jennings isn't bringing down Eddie Lacy by himself. Good Lord that hole was massive.
ONSIDE KICK. That may be the Packers' best shot now because Wallace has looked like a guy who hasn't played in two years. It should be noted that the Bears are so thin on their defensive line, they signed Jay Ratliff, who was cut by the equally DL-deficient Cowboys and is currently injured.

DON'T EVEN JOKE. Josh McCown is tearing things up. What world is this? I mean, if you're the Bears, don't you have to cover Nelson to the exclusion of everything else right now? Getting conflicting reports on Rodgers — some say separated shoulder, some aren't saying anything. Fourth and 1, 7:50 left, the Bears have a decision to make. They're going for it! Or at least they're not punting. Don't get fancy! Whew, Forte made it. Marshall's dropped a few tonight. And now they've chewed up five minutes of clock. Why hasn't McCarthy called time out yet? Ah, there it is. Bears up seven now. Homeboy just did the robot after a sack. What happens if something happens to Wallace? (Bears 27, Packers 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (9-0):

2. Denver (7-1): Wait and see
3. Seattle (8-1): Did you really think the Bucs were going to pick them off in their building?
4. San Francisco (6-2): Beware

BOTTOM 4:
29. Pittsburgh (2-6): It's BAD, folks
30. Minnesota (1-7): On the receiving end of a Romo
31. Tampa Bay (0-8): You were waiting for them to screw it up
32. Jacksonville (0-8): Would L.A. even want this franchise?

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Saturday, November 9, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: 60-Day Warranties


(Panthers 31, Buccaneers 13)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, DAL @ DET (end), PIT @ OAK, WAS @ DEN

I'm not sure whose fault that was... Celek turned in the opposite direction from the ball. Don't do it, Chip... the ball didn't touch him. Vick hasn't looked good so far. Hey, a James Casey sighting! The offensive line hasn't looked much better — Vick's been getting hit on almost every play.

Wait, what?


How did that work? Oh, right, Cary Williams in coverage. I've been hearing all week about how much better this defense has been playing. What happened to that? Eli's been putting too much on these throws into the end zone — that's two guys he's led out of bounds. Illegal snap? That's a thing?

Yes, running the ball is probably the best idea at this point. Get SOMETHING established. This isn't working. As bad as the Giants are, Barkley could probably win this game. I have to think that Cruz is probably the most hated Giant by Eagles fans right now. This game is flying by. That went through the uprights? Oh, it was high and went over it. Well, with Barkley in, the "bizarre Eagles-Giants game" trope is now officially in play. And he drops the first snap and still completes the pass! Two in a row! I'll remind everyone again that Barkley got across midfield the same number of times as Foles did last week.
Now THAT'S pass interference. Giants hurting themselves with penalties on this drive, which will only help the kid. I am kind of surprised that Barkley's throwing this much already, two-minute drill aside. And that's why I was worried about that. That's not getting overturned.

That's on Chip. Run the ball. Halftime and it could be much, much worse. There's McCoy's best run of the day. This is more like it. Was there nobody open on that sack Barkley took? Not sure how I feel about that one. The Eagles are going to need a takeaway here.


This offense has completely shut down. If the Giants were any good they'd be up by 30. Eli moving everybody around like he's coaching eight-year-olds. See, here's a perfect example of why Chip's ideal pace should be universal: How may delay of game penalties have the Eagles had this year? Josh Brown is definitely loose. I mean, this offense has been awful all game long but you can't punt here. Can you?

What... what just happened? The Eagles just recovered a bad snap on that punt and got a touchdown! Now what? Do you dare onside kick this? This would be the most Eagles-Giants game ever if the Eagles somehow pulled this out after that display. Chip clearly doesn't trust this offense and it's hard for me to blame him. Still, I don't think I would have done that. This is probably the worst game Chip's ever coached. Also, these teams are bad. (Giants 15, Eagles 7)



Did Stafford think Sean Lee was his teammate on that second pick? Dez's mouth pissed Megatron off. Then Romo's play pissed Dez off and he decided to win this game by himself. (As he should've. Romo was playing terribly before that explosion and the one Witten had on the previous drive that NO ONE commented on. We would learn a couple of days later that Dez wasn't really angry, but trying to exhort his teammates to... something? Which means we may have wasted an entire week talking about this. Also, I like my hypothesis better.)

Really, Stockton? Under 50 percent is 'lights out?' Barkley did better than that. Pettigrew almost had that. Gotta go to Calvin here, right? Double-teamed or not? Lot of Cowboys fans in the house. The Lions literally gave this game away. Haha the Cowboys committed offensive holding to stop the clock. It's 18, not 81! Oh look, Scandrick got beaten in coverage again. THAT'S never happened before. Johnson to the 1. A SNEAK. TOUCHDOWN LIONS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Here's the other thing Stafford doing what he did does: Because it was ruled a touchdown, it's automatically reviewed, thereby stopping the clock. So even if they'd overturned the ruling, they could have run another play.





The Lions gave the Cowboys this game several times but the Cowboys refused to take it. That's why, even though they're going to win the NFC East, they're going to get smashed by whoever they face in the playoffs. (Lions 31, Cowboys 30)

What did I miss? Pryor ran 93 YARDS?!?!?! Is that a record or something? (Turns out it was.) That's a bad overthrow. I keep forgetting Polamalu's still playing and I feel like that's a bad thing. The Raiders' kick returners are struggling. Jacoby Ford knows better, doesn't he? They got lucky to get that back. The Steelers have looked like crap so far and it kind of reminds me of the opener against the Titans. Shaun Suisham's doing Shaun Suisham things. The Raiders aren't good, but they're not as bad as they were supposed to be. Hey, a Darren McFadden sighting! God, Suisham SUCKS. There's been a lot of bad quarterbacking and bad pass protection in this second half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Ben's trying to lead the Steelers back but getting sacked for the fifth time will not help matters. THEN he gets picked off on a throw while he was being sacked but the guy who got it was called for holding. And Bell soars into the end zone. What the hell was that and who the hell called it?!?! That was supposed to be a wide receiver pass? OK. That's some desperation right there. Here comes the onside kick... and the Raiders get it. Why are they reviewing this? McFadden got it back and the yardage didn't change. That didn't make sense. I'd have let that go if I was Antonio Brown. crosses off Steelers (Raiders 21, Steelers 18)


So Peyton's got two bad wheels. Good thing he makes his money with his arm. Like so. Also the Redskins are bad defensively. Garcon makes that great catch and then they can't get half a yard. I guess they're not that good offensively either. DeAngelo Hall was basically humping Demaryius Thomas and Peyton still completed that pass. This is moving considerably slower than I expected, at least so far. Something will break soon, I'm sure. Wait, what happened? 12 men on the field? And the Redskins capitalize. This game hasn't been anywhere near what anyone expected. Aw man, how do you call a hold on Peyton there? He's doing all he can do.  That's a turnover, by the way.

Whoa. Redskins just took the lead. And Peyton just threw a pick-six to Hall. Thomas fell down and what is going on here. The Broncos look baffled right now and I can't blame them — I'm baffled too. Only 21-7 into the third quarter isn't the game anyone was expecting. Demariyus ran into his own man or he would have scored. Montee Ball just moved a pile of about eight guys. Vickerson's the guy who caused Luck to flop last week — good job by Fox pulling him off the field after that one. You just can't do it. I doubt Aikman got paid for that Super Bowl XXII security gig. insert NCAA rant here The Broncos' receivers are begging for flags like they're the Giants. Going for it on fourth down again? Sure, why not. And we're tied. (And you shouldn't be surprised.) One thing I've seen the last two weeks is Griffin has been off badly on his deep throws. Nice punt. Moreno ran right through the Redskins "defense". Von Miller lives! A touchdown here would have been a dagger. Of course, now the Redskins can't block anyone. The Broncos are using 12 running backs in a game like Shanahan used to. Bad throw, Peyton. But did the Redskins give it right back? They sure did — Garcon fell down like Thomas did earlier. And that's that dagger we were looking for. Another interception? Well OK then. Griffin got crushed again on that one. 15 knockdowns? Jebus. Uh-oh. Cousins is in. Uh-oh. That's a pick-6. Shut it down!

(Broncos 45, Redskins 21)

(Bengals 49, Jets 9)




That Rodgers pass to Nelson just shouldn't be allowed. You understand what a high level the top guys are at when you see throws like that.


You think Greg Jennings regrets his decision? Still, this is already a better game plan than the Vikings had Monday night. Look at Kyle Rudolph elevating. Get those hands up! The Wildcat? Does Frazier think it's 2009? JORDY. PUNT RETURNS. This could get out of hand in a hurry. That pass interference on Williams was... questionable. Still, new life for the Vikings, I suppose. A run? That's some grapefruits but no other back in the league makes that work. The Packers are grinding here. They've been killing it on third downs tonight. Heads-up play by Boykin to know he wasn't touched and get up and dive for the first down. Rodgers is doing this with a bunch of dudes named Myles White and Andrew Quarless. Yeah, I don't know, either. That graphic is amazing: 50 of 53 guys on the roster now were only ever Packers. The Colts had something like that in their Super Bowl year. So, this game doesn't matter anymore. Toby Gerhardt's still alive? Travon Williams just tried to okie-doke Patterson. No one was fooled. Ponder just ran for a touchdown. Joey Browner was a boss. Never forget. The VIkings' D could have used him tonight but that's neither here nor there.

(Packers 44, Vikings 31)


Gruden sings the hits? Well, Clemens survived the opening drive. I'm surprised the Rams have been able to move the ball a couple times. Until that happened. Bruce Irvin in coverage? That's just embarrassing. Crowd cheers Matt Holliday's game-tying home run a few blocks down Broadway. Another interception? And why have the Seahawks not scored yet?

THREE flags on one play, Rams? The Raiders tip their spiked cap. Wow, who else thought Wilson was going to make that one? There you go. Clemens is having problems. I'll say this: This Quinn guy Gruden's been trying to sing about all night is GOOD. I mean, if you like pass rushers, you need to be watching this game. Some really good ones here. That's why it's 7-3 at the half. I mean, Wilson just avoided taking a safety there. Who had Zac Stacy ballin' out tonight? Why is Clemens jawing with Sherman? That's a battle you'll almost always lose. OH HE JUST GOT OWNED. Come on, guys, go for it. What have you got to lose besides another game? WOW. How did Jenkins not pick that off? And how did Tate catch it? And what was that foolishness afterwards? He almost went out of bounds! Why is this review taking so long? It's an incomplete pass, and even if it's not, the ball was out of bounds before it was picked up. And now the Seahawks are offsides. The Rams nave blown so many red zone chances tonight it's kind of ridiculous. This is why Jeff Fisher's really only an average coach.


Did Gruden just name-check Az Hakim alongside Bruce and Holt? Should've gone for it, Fisher. Seriously, Seahawks? How are you letting this happen? Givens drops a third-down pass but the Seahawks are offside. Wait, how is Fisher letting the clock run down the right decision here? Not that it's wrong, necessarily, but does it even matter?

Seahawks storm the gates! That pass wasn't even close. This game, on the other hand... (Seahawks 14, Rams 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (8-0) — Road starts turning tough
2. Denver (7-1) — Starting to slip a bit
3. Seattle (7-1) — Take it and smile
4. (tie) New Orleans (6-1) — Back to normal
4. (tie) San Francisco (6-2) — Hottest team in the league

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (2-6) — Not a performance to be proud of
30. Minnesota (1-6) — This is gonna lead to a lot of bad endings
31. Tampa Bay (0-7) — Should already be coach hunting
32. Jacksonville (0-8) — The English don't want them, either


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Sunday, November 3, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Break's Over

Here's a #TrueFact: Ellington's already better than Mendenhall and should really be starting. Someone please tell the Cardinals this.







Do the Cardinals even have fans? That crowd didn't make sense. (Seahawks 34, Cardinals 22)

Signal Finder: DAL @ PHI, NE @ NYJ (end), BAL @ PIT

So Rams-Panthers turned into WarGames, apparently. And this appears to be why. Don't piss off Steve Smith. (Panthers 30, Rams 15)

That right there is a good reason to shave your head. FOLES RUNNING. Have the Cowboys called a running play yet? Witten lives in space against the Eagles and always has. 112 catches all-time? That actually seems low. Can't miss a chance to tackle Dez short. Man, we got sacks all over the place. Foles not playing all that well, to be honest. Really not much going on here.



Both offenses have done a couple things, but either they're off or these defenses are playing better than anyone expected. Uh-oh, the Cowboys are percolating. Pretty sure Fletcher's the Eagles' best guy on the back end. Foles has missed Celek twice in a row.






Wait, Dez caught that, I think. I guess they're not looking at it. Jason Hatcher's doing yeoman's work on that decimated Dallas D-line. What the hell, Chip? Trying a 60-yarder on 4th and 1 with a time out? That makes absolutely no sense. The Cowboys have 10 penalties already? Seriously? That touchdown might do it the way this game is going. Wasn't the greatest throw by Romo there but Dez still has to catch that. And Chip wins his first challenge! You know what the Eagles could use is somebody who could make a play on defense. Three minutes of real time pass INTERCEPTION! Where was that pass even going? Did Romo jump? Nice play by 27 to break that up but I'm not sure Jackson would have stayed inbounds. And now he's hurt? They've got enough problems. What? How? WHAT? This gets automatically reviewed because it's a turnover. That's an awful throw. I can't overturn that. Brenneman: "I'm glad somebody else has that job." They reversed it!



Go for it, Chip. You may not get this close again. Shotgun? At least that worked. And Foles screws it up by getting sacked. Event he field goal was an adventure. Wait... BARKLEY'S warming up? Oh Lord. It's worth saying also that the Cowboys are playing their best defensive game in about four years. And now the Cowboys are completing every pass possible. Well, this game's over. Barkley's first throw is already better than anything Foles did today. And the Cowboys jump offside, nullifying an interception.  How are there still nine minutes left? Sadly, this interception will count. Romo fumbles again? Blah, he got it back. This game is STILL going on? Hey, Barkley got the Eagles across midfield. So there's that. (Cowboys 17, Eagles 3)

Gronk! He's been rather large. But he just dropped the game-winner. Brady's doing what Brady does so far. And we're tied. Nelson did exactly what you should do now with the Calvin Johnson rule: roll over onto his back. Is it bad that I've already forgotten the overtime rules? Oh, thanks, Dierdorf. The hell? Folk from 56? Is Rex smoking something? An unsportsmanlike conduct? Pushing the opponent into the pile? WHAT THE ACTUAL. I don't see it. Lot of boos here — place must be packed with Pats fans. How do you even call that? I mean I don't even care, but... how?



That's it's unsportsmanlike conduct and 15 yards is incredibly harsh. Here's Folk again, from half as far away. Holy crap the Patriots are unimpressive. (Jets 30, Patriots 27, OT)

Nantz and Simms not calling this game is strange. Jerricho Cotchery still being reliable is amazing to me. Felix Jones always could return kickoffs. Rivalry games spur anger and emotion. The Ravens were lucky to get that kickoff back. Seemed like the Steelers had the ball a long time to not be across midfield. That is a fumble. I think Torrey Smith just lost a yard trying to get out of bounds. The Steelers are playing like men possessed... which sometimes leads to being offside like on that sack just now. Ray Rice is having a terrible game, by the way. The Steelers are going like they're running out of time, which they kind of are if you look at the standings. Mike Tomlin just activated a time vortex with that challenge. The Ravens are going for it despite their inability to move the ball on the ground. Quarterback sneak! The best move there under the circumstances. Flacco trying to do his best Ben impression. They needed a touchdown. And I hate this onside kick. The Ravens aren't even trying anything deep. There's the touchdown they needed last time, and they've left Roethlisberger with two minutes. I still don't trust Suisham. And yes, I'm well aware he made the kick. (Steelers 19, Ravens 16)






Back-to-back three and outs? Drink! Two passes and a touchdown. Entirely too easy. Don't know why the Broncos are punting here. Oh, right, John Fox. That ball's out! Whoa! What? They're saying he's out of bounds? Pagano can challenge this, right? Why wouldn't it be a touchdown? The Colts player wasn't touched. Oh, because the call was out-of-bounds, so the ball was dead and you can't advance a dead ball. This should be Colts ball at least, though. I thought Heyward-Bey got a raw deal from the Raiders - he was finally figuring it out and they cut him for no good reason. Holliday just got killed by the PUNTER. Crazy catch by Julius Thomas. Man, this place is still loud. Fumble into the air! Wait, he's inbounds. They have to look at this, right? Ah, his shoulder's out of bounds. OK. Safety! Nice run by Luck — Peyton can't do that. The fullback outrunning people was amusing. Ah, jeez. Champ just came back, too. It feels like the moment has gotten to the Broncos. And the Colts are also jacked up. Look at Fleener going airborne for extra yardage. Whoa! That was very well done. The official who would have signaled touchdown got knocked out of the way. Who saw this coming? Decker might have gotten that flag — or the ball — if he hadn't stopped. A couple of people have noticed that Peyton's throws don't look that great, especially after the fumble/safety. Where's Welker been? Holy crap, Luck. That's better, Decker. I guess he didn't catch it. Ever since the touchdown he's been having a rough night. Andrew Luck is the Colts' best running back. The Broncos haven't looked good for the last two quarters. Decker was very lucky to hang on to that and Peyton was lucky initially to not get picked. Now he's forcing throws like Eli's been all season.


That one didn't look good either but Demayrius bailed him out. Fumble! Broncos have enough time to go for this 4th and 1. Hey, Welker showed up. Still plenty of time here, folks. Touchdown Moreno. Third and one and the Colts throw? What? Wayne's down and he wasn't touched? Oh no. This looks bad... that's exactly what happened to Revis last year. Well, he's walking off, at least. Peyton gets intercepted! What was wrong with... oh, the rusher got Peyton's arm.



Luck probably should have taken the sack — keep the clock running. Are you kidding me with that catch, Welker? Does nothing all game and then that. And again! Wait, what's going on now? Pagano challenged without being sure of possession? Oh, it's Colts ball? Here's my question: Why wasn't Moreno in the game there? Along with his quarterbacking skills and athletic ability, Andrew Luck is a fine actor. Now we've got some Keystone Kops foolishness with these penalties on this punt. Dude's definitely loose. Holliday should have fielded the third punt. That's a bad sack for the Broncos. This I don't like... you can't waste time running the field goal unit out there. And that's that. THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. Watching the end of game handshakes, I'm sad Reggie Wayne isn't out there. (Colts 39, Broncos 33)

And now to this, which feels like a walkout fight by comparison.


So who's the Giants running back? A seventh-round pick from UMASS. (Who, FYI, just moved up fully to D1 football this season. They effectively took Temple's spot in MACtion.) Peyton Hillis is still alive? The Vikings' secondary would fit right in in the NFC East. And there's Nicks' year in a nutshell. At least they made the field goal. FREEMAN! I expect Adrian Peterson to get 60 carries tonight. Yeah, the Giants suck on special teams, too. Hold up, let's see about this flag. Is there a Vikings contingent at MetLife Headquarters? 'Cause there was a cheer when the first penalty was announced. I can't fault Weatherford for that horse collar. He's a PUNTER. He doesn't know any better! Still, he could have at least done it to the guy with the ball. Look, if you're gonna bench Eli, you've got to bench about 40 other guys too. There are two players on this team who haven't been God-awful: Cruz and Prince. That's it, that's the list.


But maybe it's not all hopeless:



Did Rolle even hit Simpson? It looked like he was closer to hitting Prince. That's a clutch punt. Well at least the Vikings still have Jared Allen. OK, he just sacked two guys with one arm. Way to start the second half, Vikings. SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, did he go down on his own? Moron. This same guy ran one back earlier. We got guys just falling down by themselves all over the place here. What is this?


Can't put that one on Freeman. Why did Sharrif Floyd have the ball in the first place? What is going ON up there?


And I can't believe I haven't made this point yet, and I'm not sure Tirico or Gruden have, either (as I'm only half-watching this debacle): Why in God's name are you throwing so many passes with a guy who's been there for two weeks?



Freeman and Hillis postgame: "Seriously, fuck Schiano, right?" (Giants 23, Vikings 7)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (7-0):


2. Denver (6-1) — Do we see some holes?
3. Seattle (6-1) — Not pretty, but effective
4. New Orleans (5-1) — May already have division wrapped up

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Finally!
30. Minnesota (1-5) — I hope management kept the receipt
31. Tampa Bay (0-6) — It gets worse and worse
32. Jacksonville (0-7) — See above
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