Ownage of the Year: The 2006 elections
Blog Post of the Year (Home Team): One Man's Hunt For Barbecue Sauce
Blog Post of the Year (Offshore): The Tao Of Poker: The Wall Street Game
APB of the Year (And Possibly Next Year): Lindsay Lohan's sanity
Burning Question of the Year: "Whose country is this?"
Welcome Back: Leonardo DiCaprio (Does he have enough clout to just disappear for four years and come back in a Scorcese film?)
People I'm Glad I Wasn't: 1. Saddam Hussein; 2. Donald Rumsfeld; 3. Marco Materazzi; 4 (tie) 4+whatever number of Republicans were voted out of Congress
Most Pleasant Surprise: JBL as a color commentator
Still Funny A Year Later: "You can call us Aaron Burr / from the way we're droppin' Hamiltons"
Trend I Missed The Boat On: I was unaware that sexy had gone anywhere in the first place
Most Unwelcome Development: The rooster invasion
Trend I'm Most Sick Of: The same as last year
Underrated Hottie: Sasha Cohen (Tanith Belbin stole all her thunder)
I've seen just about enough of: Scarlett Johansson. (I'm waiting for one more thing. Actually, two.)
I've seen entirely too much of: Kevin Federline
Personal Nemesis of the Year: Tires
Under-the-Radar R.I.P.: Busta Rhymes' career
WTF Moment: Butch getting fired
Find of the Year: adtunes.com
Dubious Product Mash-Up of the Year: The OhMiBod
Most Questionable Career Decision: Mischa Barton
Best 30 Seconds of the Year: The Knicks drafting Renaldo Balkman and the immediate aftermath
Ambitions For 2007: Whatever I put for "Ambitions For 2006." Also, eat more fish.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: Dark Clouds
Does the "NFL" in NFL Network stand for "No F'n Letup in the weather?" Sheesh. Rayner almost pulled a Charlie Brown on himself. I think we've found our insomnia cure in the Vikings' offense. Let's break this down all the way, though. SPEED can't catch. Marcus Robinson's managed to have his career stolen twice, first by Marty Booker and then by Nate Burleson. You've also got Billy McMullen, who the Eagles didn't want, and Travis Taylor, who the Ravens didn't want. I'm gonna need you to not be shocked. (I wrote this part before Robinson got cut, thank you very much.)
Signal Finder: NE @ JAX, NO @ NYG, CIN @ DEN, SD @ SEA (end)
How is it that I'm in Sears, in the electronics department, on Sunday, and none of the TVs have the game on? Answer me that. So Pats-Jags was the early radio game, and what, exactly, happened to that official? He got pegged in the throat with a pass? Was that it? I'm also wondering why Del Rio didn't even bother throwing the ball at the end of the half. All right, be honest. This Patriots team: anyone scared?
The irony here is that Ron Dayne was supposed to do this every single week for the past six years or whatever.
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Bucs-Browns.
That right there is the biggest problem the Saints are gonna have: getting beaten deep. And now they're running wild. What's going on today? There's been a lot of that. That may or may not be the first time Whitfield's headbutted a guy. At least he was wearing a helmet. This year's Giants are last year's Saints: stupid, undisciplined, with a coach that's in over his head who the players may or may not respect (and in this case, I say 'not'.) Seriously, if Coughlin's not in trouble, he should be.
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bears-Lions. Wait, that's... that's... THAT'S BRIAN GRIESE'S MUSIC! (CCR's "Fortunate Son", obv) Was anyone else waiting for Lovie to say, "Yeah, hello? We were losing to the Lions?"
Dexter Jackson's put on some weight. "Hi. I'm Ocho Cinco." Meanwhile, Lynch is killing fools and the Bengals are handing this one to the Broncos. Throwing at Champ <> a wise move. Why's this Marshall kid getting all this run? Oh, yeah, that's just what that city needs; more weather events. The Broncos that started the season would have put the hammer down by now. Well, we're going to overD'OH!!! OK, that... that was a flashback to the old Bengals. "After the game, Domonique Foxworth hyperventilated at his locker but said he was fine." Yeah, that actually happened.
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad St. Louis; 2. Any Indianapolis Colts defensive player; 3. Michael Boulware; 4. Marcus Robinson; 5. Joey Harrington (this was Rex until Monday night)
So T.O. shows up at the Eagles' hotel the night before and plays dominoes with some of the other wideouts. How does a game of dominoes among millionaires get started? The line on this game possibly deciding the division title now looks like an EKG. Carrie Underwood? The Eagles' defense has been rightly maligned lately, but one thing that has happened, especially over the past few weeks, is they've been difficult to score on in the red zone - the Redskins and Giants kicked a lot of field goals. WHAT. A pitch on fourth and goal from the 2? Did the defenses switch sides or something because the Cowboys haven't done anything on the ground. Seriously, they look like they've OD'd on tryptophan. Thanks for leaving at halftime, Terrell! "More wine and turkey?" The dump to Smith behind the Cowboys' blitz that went for 65 may be the best play the Eagles have run all year. Wow. This was a straight-up punking. There's no way the Eagles were supposed to win all three of these games on the road. None whatsoever. Madden: "I hate these uniforms." I FEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOD
Really, now, what is with the weather in this country? This is like watching water boil. Oooohhhhh. OUCH! Washington and Coles get flattened on back to back plays. Can we re-edit "Jacked Up?" All I ask, Nugent, is that you don't try to throw it. Cleo Lemon? God, that's gotta hurt. Is this game still scoreless? Zzzzzzzzz... Hey, a field goal. Cleo Lemon! That's the first time they've scored in weeks. He got in; challenge that. Thanks. Nugent, Hawk and Mangold are all from the same town? That's sick. It's GOOD! I hope the Jets make it. And if they don't, I vote we give them the final NFC spot.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa: Finished fifth.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (13-2) - LDT actually kept out of end zone
2. Baltimore (12-3) - Put Steelers out of their misery
3. New Orleans (10-5) - The real deal, folks
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland (4-11) - It's a long, long road
31. Oakland (2-13) - They'll likely head straight to Times Square
32. Detroit (2-13) - A 100-person walkout protest? They can't even quit good
Signal Finder: NE @ JAX, NO @ NYG, CIN @ DEN, SD @ SEA (end)
How is it that I'm in Sears, in the electronics department, on Sunday, and none of the TVs have the game on? Answer me that. So Pats-Jags was the early radio game, and what, exactly, happened to that official? He got pegged in the throat with a pass? Was that it? I'm also wondering why Del Rio didn't even bother throwing the ball at the end of the half. All right, be honest. This Patriots team: anyone scared?
The irony here is that Ron Dayne was supposed to do this every single week for the past six years or whatever.
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Bucs-Browns.
That right there is the biggest problem the Saints are gonna have: getting beaten deep. And now they're running wild. What's going on today? There's been a lot of that. That may or may not be the first time Whitfield's headbutted a guy. At least he was wearing a helmet. This year's Giants are last year's Saints: stupid, undisciplined, with a coach that's in over his head who the players may or may not respect (and in this case, I say 'not'.) Seriously, if Coughlin's not in trouble, he should be.
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Bears-Lions. Wait, that's... that's... THAT'S BRIAN GRIESE'S MUSIC! (CCR's "Fortunate Son", obv) Was anyone else waiting for Lovie to say, "Yeah, hello? We were losing to the Lions?"
Dexter Jackson's put on some weight. "Hi. I'm Ocho Cinco." Meanwhile, Lynch is killing fools and the Bengals are handing this one to the Broncos. Throwing at Champ <> a wise move. Why's this Marshall kid getting all this run? Oh, yeah, that's just what that city needs; more weather events. The Broncos that started the season would have put the hammer down by now. Well, we're going to overD'OH!!! OK, that... that was a flashback to the old Bengals. "After the game, Domonique Foxworth hyperventilated at his locker but said he was fine." Yeah, that actually happened.
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Brad St. Louis; 2. Any Indianapolis Colts defensive player; 3. Michael Boulware; 4. Marcus Robinson; 5. Joey Harrington (this was Rex until Monday night)
So T.O. shows up at the Eagles' hotel the night before and plays dominoes with some of the other wideouts. How does a game of dominoes among millionaires get started? The line on this game possibly deciding the division title now looks like an EKG. Carrie Underwood? The Eagles' defense has been rightly maligned lately, but one thing that has happened, especially over the past few weeks, is they've been difficult to score on in the red zone - the Redskins and Giants kicked a lot of field goals. WHAT. A pitch on fourth and goal from the 2? Did the defenses switch sides or something because the Cowboys haven't done anything on the ground. Seriously, they look like they've OD'd on tryptophan. Thanks for leaving at halftime, Terrell! "More wine and turkey?" The dump to Smith behind the Cowboys' blitz that went for 65 may be the best play the Eagles have run all year. Wow. This was a straight-up punking. There's no way the Eagles were supposed to win all three of these games on the road. None whatsoever. Madden: "I hate these uniforms." I FEEEEEEEEEEEEL GOOD
Really, now, what is with the weather in this country? This is like watching water boil. Oooohhhhh. OUCH! Washington and Coles get flattened on back to back plays. Can we re-edit "Jacked Up?" All I ask, Nugent, is that you don't try to throw it. Cleo Lemon? God, that's gotta hurt. Is this game still scoreless? Zzzzzzzzz... Hey, a field goal. Cleo Lemon! That's the first time they've scored in weeks. He got in; challenge that. Thanks. Nugent, Hawk and Mangold are all from the same town? That's sick. It's GOOD! I hope the Jets make it. And if they don't, I vote we give them the final NFC spot.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa: Finished fifth.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (13-2) - LDT actually kept out of end zone
2. Baltimore (12-3) - Put Steelers out of their misery
3. New Orleans (10-5) - The real deal, folks
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland (4-11) - It's a long, long road
31. Oakland (2-13) - They'll likely head straight to Times Square
32. Detroit (2-13) - A 100-person walkout protest? They can't even quit good
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 15: Close to the Edge
Bubbles? I'd have that looked at. Man, gameday weather in Seattle this season may be the worst I've seen ever. Anybody see the Seahawks' inability to do anything here becoming a problem? How about giving Gore a little more credit for staying open and then diving to make the catch? Wow. The Smith TD run was embarrassing.
Looks like a hell of a game nobody can watch. And since no one saw it, let's talk about how stupid T.O. is. A guy you've burned twice for touchdowns a couple of hours ago comes out and says you spit in his face, but no one else saw it. You're asked point-blank about it. Why would you ever admit to it? Did he hear about the brawl at MSG and figure this would be a good time to pull this? Nah, I'm giving him too much credit; I don't think he's smart enough to think of that.
Signal Finder: WSH @ NO, PIT @ CAR, JAX @ TEN (4th), PHI @ NYG
This may be more yards than Parker ever gained while he played at UNC. Is it too late for Carolina to bring Rodney Peete back? LOL at the graphic showing all of the things that still have to break right for the Steelers. crosses off Panthers
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass: Lions-Packers.
Not a good start for the Redskins. Someone wake up the Saints; they're getting run over. And all this time I thought it was the back of their defense that was most vulnerable. Maybe Betts is actually that good. Or he's running hot. Congratulations...?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Buccaneers-Bears. Seriously, this was like a Bizarro World game. That Bucs comeback was ... unexpected, to say the least. Anyone see more than one replay of the Davis catch in overtime? How obvious was it?
Wow, special teams. Aaaaaand Tiki runs wild on the Eagles again. (I'm so glad he's retiring.) How is that a late hit? I'm glad to see that the irony of Shockey telling someone else to use their head wasn't lost on the announcers. This game is moving fast. What this is, right here, is a gut check. Touchdown! This game is still moving fast. How do you not get a touchdown on either of those two trips? Jason: "Run the ball?!" And then they did for the Westbrook TD, which reminds me that more teams (the Eagles included) should have the shotgun QB draw in their playbook that the Broncos have used for years. Why go for two there? WTF GARCIA. And then he follows it up by throwing a terrible interception. If they blow it because of that, he will be booed for life. Of course, the Giants can't stop the Eagles, either, so it may all work out. Remember that it was Brown who gave up the touchdown in overtime in the first game, and Cole who committed the penalty that led to overtime. Notice Tiki trying to knock the ball down, but he can't reach it. If the Giants end up not making the playoffs (and there's now a scenario where they could win out and not make it) Coughlin needs to be fired. There, I said it. Me, Week 11: "crosses off Eagles" OOPS.
SING THE SONG.
LOL at Chad's shoes. The detail is horrible. Nice to hear Merton Hanks has found work, though. (How random was that?) They say chicken soup is always good for what ails you; well, in the Colts' case, it's bread and butter. By which I mean Manning to Harrison. It doesn't seem like Peyton's been under pressure at all tonight. Dwight Freeney lives!
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (12-2) - Grinding along
2. Baltimore (11-3) - Boller strong in relief again
3. Indianapolis (11-3) - Back on track
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay (3-11) - Back to the bad old days
31. Oakland (2-12) - At least ... some of them ... can ... play defense
32. Detroit (2-12) - Does anybody care?
Looks like a hell of a game nobody can watch. And since no one saw it, let's talk about how stupid T.O. is. A guy you've burned twice for touchdowns a couple of hours ago comes out and says you spit in his face, but no one else saw it. You're asked point-blank about it. Why would you ever admit to it? Did he hear about the brawl at MSG and figure this would be a good time to pull this? Nah, I'm giving him too much credit; I don't think he's smart enough to think of that.
Signal Finder: WSH @ NO, PIT @ CAR, JAX @ TEN (4th), PHI @ NYG
This may be more yards than Parker ever gained while he played at UNC. Is it too late for Carolina to bring Rodney Peete back? LOL at the graphic showing all of the things that still have to break right for the Steelers. crosses off Panthers
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass: Lions-Packers.
Not a good start for the Redskins. Someone wake up the Saints; they're getting run over. And all this time I thought it was the back of their defense that was most vulnerable. Maybe Betts is actually that good. Or he's running hot. Congratulations...?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Buccaneers-Bears. Seriously, this was like a Bizarro World game. That Bucs comeback was ... unexpected, to say the least. Anyone see more than one replay of the Davis catch in overtime? How obvious was it?
Wow, special teams. Aaaaaand Tiki runs wild on the Eagles again. (I'm so glad he's retiring.) How is that a late hit? I'm glad to see that the irony of Shockey telling someone else to use their head wasn't lost on the announcers. This game is moving fast. What this is, right here, is a gut check. Touchdown! This game is still moving fast. How do you not get a touchdown on either of those two trips? Jason: "Run the ball?!" And then they did for the Westbrook TD, which reminds me that more teams (the Eagles included) should have the shotgun QB draw in their playbook that the Broncos have used for years. Why go for two there? WTF GARCIA. And then he follows it up by throwing a terrible interception. If they blow it because of that, he will be booed for life. Of course, the Giants can't stop the Eagles, either, so it may all work out. Remember that it was Brown who gave up the touchdown in overtime in the first game, and Cole who committed the penalty that led to overtime. Notice Tiki trying to knock the ball down, but he can't reach it. If the Giants end up not making the playoffs (and there's now a scenario where they could win out and not make it) Coughlin needs to be fired. There, I said it. Me, Week 11: "crosses off Eagles" OOPS.
SING THE SONG.
LOL at Chad's shoes. The detail is horrible. Nice to hear Merton Hanks has found work, though. (How random was that?) They say chicken soup is always good for what ails you; well, in the Colts' case, it's bread and butter. By which I mean Manning to Harrison. It doesn't seem like Peyton's been under pressure at all tonight. Dwight Freeney lives!
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (12-2) - Grinding along
2. Baltimore (11-3) - Boller strong in relief again
3. Indianapolis (11-3) - Back on track
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay (3-11) - Back to the bad old days
31. Oakland (2-12) - At least ... some of them ... can ... play defense
32. Detroit (2-12) - Does anybody care?
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Weak Links
Frenchy Fuqua had that record? I wouldn't have guessed that. And how about telling us his real name?
Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, BAL @ KC, DEN @ SD
Ladell Betts? Seriously? Ladell fucking Betts is doing this? Awful. Hey, an interception! Great heads-up play by TAFKA Will Peterson on the Lewis pick, and check out the block by Considine right after he catches it. Garcia's thrown a few of those ugly-looking floater passes, but he's gotten away with it so far. Man, the Redskins cannot close. This game should be a lot closer than it is. It'd be nice if the Eagles could stop Betts one time, though. Baldinger pointed out that the Eagles haven't been using their eight-man defensive line rotation as much with Kearse out. I say go back to it. It can't hurt at this point. Who is calling these red zone plays for the Redskins? Why are they exhuming T.J. Duckett here when Betts has been running wild? Big, big sack there by Dawkins - now they have to kick it. This is how the first game ended, right?
Of course, the Eagles' run defense can look at the Colts' and say, "Y'all got issues." Garrard: 14 pass attempts. Of course, when you run for two miles, you don't need to throw the ball that much.
Are the Chiefs still punch-drunk from last week? Nice throw into triple coverage, Trent. Geez.
Disillusioned Panthers fans, this is your alternative. Watch and cower in terror. On the other side of this, if the Giants lose this, they're officially done. Eil seems to have righted his ship, though the Panthers being down to their fourth and fifth corners doesn't hurt, either. Foster might as well have waited another week to come back.
Did that rumored fourth-quarter walkout by Lions fans end up gong down? Anyone?
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Houston Texans; 5. Deion Branch. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Saints visit Houston next season.)
Did anyone see this coming? Good Lord. It's a good thing the Patriots aren't going to the Super Bowl anyway because Brady's gonna have nightmares about Miami after this farce. More on this later.
On the other hand, the Jets seem to be allergic to potential prosperity. Better corners would help. As would the ability to stop a sick man from breaking off a 57-yard scoring run - apparently McGahee was sick during the game and was eating a sandwich on the side line to get some food in him. Yeesh. The Jets will live to regret this one.
This right here is a beatdown. Who the hell is Tony Scheffler? This is now starting to look eerily like the first game with the roles reversed. Oh, wait, never mind. I suggested that for our "Fantasy Heroes" graphic, we should perma-weld LDT in there and just pick four other guys every week.
Well, that was entirely too easy. No Horn for the Saints, but Colston's allegedly back. Who in the blue hell is Mike Karney? I'll ask again: Who in the BLUE HELL is Mike Karney? Parcells did that on purpose, right? It's not like there was 1:59 left and the clock was running or something; there were about 40 seconds left. Why would you do that? What a sequence this last 30 seconds has been. Wow. Where's T.O. been tonight? Ah, there he is, getting an extremely lucky deflection. How that wasn't picked off, I'll never know. Romo hasn't been great (though this wasn't the total meltdown that all new, young starting QBs inevitably have), but the Cowboys' defense has gotten lit up like Christmas tonight. They're taking a knee with three minutes left? That's almost a bigger insult than just keeping on playing. That's like saying, "This ass-kicking has become tiresome." I'll be that's never happened in Saints history. I want to bottle this game.
Barack~~~~~~~~~ Over/under on "Griese on the bench" shots tonight: 4. What the ... did the Rams secretly rehire Mike Martz? What was that? Like eight instead of seven is going to make a difference the way the Bears have been going? We actually missed the first Hester return because we were trying to figure out if the Rams had, in fact, gone for two at the beginning of the second quarter. Looks like Rex has reverted back to September form. And looks like the Rams' defense has reverted back to something less than optimal. Hey, it's that Hester guy again. Lovie should put Griese in at the end here for shits and giggles, am I right? crosses off Rams
FANTASY REPORT
Well. I'd had a feeling all week that I might lose to Wade in our first-round playoff game, but I never thought it would happen because of Tom Brady getting sacked four times, throwing for about 20 yards, and basically having his worst game ever.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (11-2) - It's even nice in January
2. Baltimore (10-3) - A nice recovery at a tough venue
3. Indianapolis (10-3) - This has officially become A Problem
BOTTOM 3:
30. Houston (4-9) - Here, have some salt for that wound
31. Detroit (2-11) - Choose your hellhole, Brady Quinn, this one...
32. Oakland (2-11) - ...or this one
Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, BAL @ KC, DEN @ SD
Ladell Betts? Seriously? Ladell fucking Betts is doing this? Awful. Hey, an interception! Great heads-up play by TAFKA Will Peterson on the Lewis pick, and check out the block by Considine right after he catches it. Garcia's thrown a few of those ugly-looking floater passes, but he's gotten away with it so far. Man, the Redskins cannot close. This game should be a lot closer than it is. It'd be nice if the Eagles could stop Betts one time, though. Baldinger pointed out that the Eagles haven't been using their eight-man defensive line rotation as much with Kearse out. I say go back to it. It can't hurt at this point. Who is calling these red zone plays for the Redskins? Why are they exhuming T.J. Duckett here when Betts has been running wild? Big, big sack there by Dawkins - now they have to kick it. This is how the first game ended, right?
Of course, the Eagles' run defense can look at the Colts' and say, "Y'all got issues." Garrard: 14 pass attempts. Of course, when you run for two miles, you don't need to throw the ball that much.
Are the Chiefs still punch-drunk from last week? Nice throw into triple coverage, Trent. Geez.
Disillusioned Panthers fans, this is your alternative. Watch and cower in terror. On the other side of this, if the Giants lose this, they're officially done. Eil seems to have righted his ship, though the Panthers being down to their fourth and fifth corners doesn't hurt, either. Foster might as well have waited another week to come back.
Did that rumored fourth-quarter walkout by Lions fans end up gong down? Anyone?
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Houston Texans; 5. Deion Branch. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Saints visit Houston next season.)
Did anyone see this coming? Good Lord. It's a good thing the Patriots aren't going to the Super Bowl anyway because Brady's gonna have nightmares about Miami after this farce. More on this later.
On the other hand, the Jets seem to be allergic to potential prosperity. Better corners would help. As would the ability to stop a sick man from breaking off a 57-yard scoring run - apparently McGahee was sick during the game and was eating a sandwich on the side line to get some food in him. Yeesh. The Jets will live to regret this one.
This right here is a beatdown. Who the hell is Tony Scheffler? This is now starting to look eerily like the first game with the roles reversed. Oh, wait, never mind. I suggested that for our "Fantasy Heroes" graphic, we should perma-weld LDT in there and just pick four other guys every week.
Well, that was entirely too easy. No Horn for the Saints, but Colston's allegedly back. Who in the blue hell is Mike Karney? I'll ask again: Who in the BLUE HELL is Mike Karney? Parcells did that on purpose, right? It's not like there was 1:59 left and the clock was running or something; there were about 40 seconds left. Why would you do that? What a sequence this last 30 seconds has been. Wow. Where's T.O. been tonight? Ah, there he is, getting an extremely lucky deflection. How that wasn't picked off, I'll never know. Romo hasn't been great (though this wasn't the total meltdown that all new, young starting QBs inevitably have), but the Cowboys' defense has gotten lit up like Christmas tonight. They're taking a knee with three minutes left? That's almost a bigger insult than just keeping on playing. That's like saying, "This ass-kicking has become tiresome." I'll be that's never happened in Saints history. I want to bottle this game.
Barack~~~~~~~~~ Over/under on "Griese on the bench" shots tonight: 4. What the ... did the Rams secretly rehire Mike Martz? What was that? Like eight instead of seven is going to make a difference the way the Bears have been going? We actually missed the first Hester return because we were trying to figure out if the Rams had, in fact, gone for two at the beginning of the second quarter. Looks like Rex has reverted back to September form. And looks like the Rams' defense has reverted back to something less than optimal. Hey, it's that Hester guy again. Lovie should put Griese in at the end here for shits and giggles, am I right? crosses off Rams
FANTASY REPORT
Well. I'd had a feeling all week that I might lose to Wade in our first-round playoff game, but I never thought it would happen because of Tom Brady getting sacked four times, throwing for about 20 yards, and basically having his worst game ever.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (11-2) - It's even nice in January
2. Baltimore (10-3) - A nice recovery at a tough venue
3. Indianapolis (10-3) - This has officially become A Problem
BOTTOM 3:
30. Houston (4-9) - Here, have some salt for that wound
31. Detroit (2-11) - Choose your hellhole, Brady Quinn, this one...
32. Oakland (2-11) - ...or this one
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 13: Get A Grip
The production seems ... kind of minimalist, actually. Jamal Lewis lives! What this does remind me of is how much I hate Bryant Gumbel's voice. Reason #624 To Like Chad Johnson: His culpability. The Bengals' defense is crushing the Ravens otherwise tonight. Wipe off your camera lenses, please. THIS NEVER WORKS. Oh, wait. Wait, they couldn't have called that in time. Who doesn't love the flea-flicker? This is obvious, but B.J. Sams breaking his leg is a real blow, and the muff on the following punt was a direct result of that. These fans really want a shutout. Oops.
Signal Finder: MIN @ CHI, NYJ @ GB (for about 90 seconds), DAL @ NYG, JAX @ MIA
Shhhh... don't tell anyone, but the Titans have been getting better every week for the last month. Of course, Peyton can still do that and make it not matter so much. That's the 100th time? Wow. Witness how the Titans are tearing up the Colts' run defense. Interception? Interception. That might be too much time. Sixty yards? Are you kidding me? "Just a dream and the wind to carry me / Soon I will be free.."
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. The lost art of tackling (Guy who couldn't bring down Derek Anderson on his run in overtime, I'm looking at you); 2. Rex Grossman; 3. Nick Novak; 4. a Vikings quarterback; 5. The guy on the Broncos who fumbled the kickoff return on a hit by the kicker should have retired by now.
The way these two teams have gone, this could easily end up 6-5 or some nonsense. PROTECT THE $&(*^&#!(%$@# FOOTBALL. Once Hester got to the 30 and still had about eight Vikings to elude, I knew he'd make it. Look, I know you can throw on these guys, but Rex is trying to do way too much. I blame Steve Spurrier. Good Lord, what's happened to Brad Johnson? He's a Game Manager; he doesn't do stupid crap like that. Ricky Manning Jr. should really be starting somewhere. When did Cedric Benson start playing? Brooks Bollinger? Oh, shit. Is that Jackson? I thought he hurt his knee. What happened to Bollinger?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Lions-Patriots. Seriously, I don't even know how that happens. I know a win's a win and all that, but if I'm a Pats fan I'm scared to death right now.
San Diego ... Super Chaaaaaaargers...
NO! NOT THE RED JERSEYS! They look like scuba suits, am I right? Does "Kiwanuka" translate into "curse" from whatever language that is? Good Lord. We're nearing the point where the hot-starting new quarterback crashes and burns horribly, so take that for whatever it's worth. You already knew this, but Plaxico's a complete idiot. By the way, who am I rooting for here? CRACK BACK. That's not a good start for Gramatica. More than anything else, it's the Raideresque stupid penalties the Giants always take that have me convinced that Coughlin's hold on this team is tenuous at best. Eli's played pretty well today, which is what he needed. Nice hands, T.O. Who the hell called that time out? That's a gutsy throw by Eli for several reasons, not the least of which is that it's Plaxico on the other end. You know who's good is Jason Witten. THIS NEVER WORKS. Buck: "Remember, of course, that nobody celebrates a field goal like a Gramatica." Aikman: "Yeah, if he makes this one, expect him to be out next week." As tempted as I am to cross off the Giants, the NFC's so bad.
As ineffective as Jake's been, I think this is a mistake. Cutler screws this up from here on and the Broncos are out of the playoffs. Of course, that may not matter if the Seahawks continue to move the ball at a pace that would make a snail say, "C'mon! Pick it up!" Eat it, Jay. EAT IT. See, that's why you eat that. Plummer: "I could've done that." I see Darrell Jackson's reverted to 2004 form. That's it; Shanahan's officially lost his mind. Why would you ever call a fake FG - and run that play especially - in that situation? I'll take back that D-Jack comment now. Mellencamp commercial count: 5. Why has Hasselbeck not thrown a single pass in the fourth quarter? OUCH. Oh, this looks bad. Man. You gotta go for it there, right? Fourth and 1 from the 5? OMG. Good thing they didn't, then. Is this too much time? Josh Brown for the win AGAIN! That guy's pretty good.
It's seriously weak how Panthers fans are turning on Delhomme. They do know Chris Weinke is their backup, right? LMAO at the teams going to the wrong sidelines after the coin toss. Why is Rod Hood covering Steve Smith one on one? I thought Garcia couldn't throw deep. What he has done is get away from pressure well. Can't really say the same for Delhomme. Somebody tackle DeAngelo Williams, please. Both punters are earning their money tonight. Does Delhomme usually complain this much, or is he just getting frustrated? Steve Smith's hip broke Michael Lewis's nose. The hell are you booing for? Nothing happened! OK, this routine where the game can't stay tied for more than five minutes is getting annoying. Gogogogogo Reggie Brown. Apparently the Eagles have found the one team that sucks worse at the fourth quarter than they do. I love the reverse in that spot. How do you throw a pass so high that a guy 6-5 and JUMPING can't catch it? At the end I figured they were booing Keyshawn for whining like the little bitch that he is. (Lito released him before they got into the end zone, and Theismann earns his money by pointing out that the refs have been a little lax with the contact rules all night.) He's gonna get fined for that.
"Predicted Week 15 Flex Game: Chiefs-Chargers (the best of a sorry lot)" DING.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (10-3, L1): We lose to Merc and drop to the No. 2 seed in the playoffs, which is actually good because the No. 1 seems to be cursed. We'll face Wade in the first round.
JackSux III (4-9, W1): Well, it's something. Actually, no, it isn't.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (10-2) - LDT's "Fantasy Hero" streak: Five weeks and counting
2. Indianapolis (10-2) - The hell was that?
3. Baltimore (9-3) - *hiccup*
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay (3-9) - I have to ask: is Gruden in trouble here?
31. Detroit (2-10) - So close... but not really
32. Oakland (2-10) - Someone please pull the plug
Signal Finder: MIN @ CHI, NYJ @ GB (for about 90 seconds), DAL @ NYG, JAX @ MIA
Shhhh... don't tell anyone, but the Titans have been getting better every week for the last month. Of course, Peyton can still do that and make it not matter so much. That's the 100th time? Wow. Witness how the Titans are tearing up the Colts' run defense. Interception? Interception. That might be too much time. Sixty yards? Are you kidding me? "Just a dream and the wind to carry me / Soon I will be free.."
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. The lost art of tackling (Guy who couldn't bring down Derek Anderson on his run in overtime, I'm looking at you); 2. Rex Grossman; 3. Nick Novak; 4. a Vikings quarterback; 5. The guy on the Broncos who fumbled the kickoff return on a hit by the kicker should have retired by now.
The way these two teams have gone, this could easily end up 6-5 or some nonsense. PROTECT THE $&(*^&#!(%$@# FOOTBALL. Once Hester got to the 30 and still had about eight Vikings to elude, I knew he'd make it. Look, I know you can throw on these guys, but Rex is trying to do way too much. I blame Steve Spurrier. Good Lord, what's happened to Brad Johnson? He's a Game Manager; he doesn't do stupid crap like that. Ricky Manning Jr. should really be starting somewhere. When did Cedric Benson start playing? Brooks Bollinger? Oh, shit. Is that Jackson? I thought he hurt his knee. What happened to Bollinger?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Lions-Patriots. Seriously, I don't even know how that happens. I know a win's a win and all that, but if I'm a Pats fan I'm scared to death right now.
San Diego ... Super Chaaaaaaargers...
NO! NOT THE RED JERSEYS! They look like scuba suits, am I right? Does "Kiwanuka" translate into "curse" from whatever language that is? Good Lord. We're nearing the point where the hot-starting new quarterback crashes and burns horribly, so take that for whatever it's worth. You already knew this, but Plaxico's a complete idiot. By the way, who am I rooting for here? CRACK BACK. That's not a good start for Gramatica. More than anything else, it's the Raideresque stupid penalties the Giants always take that have me convinced that Coughlin's hold on this team is tenuous at best. Eli's played pretty well today, which is what he needed. Nice hands, T.O. Who the hell called that time out? That's a gutsy throw by Eli for several reasons, not the least of which is that it's Plaxico on the other end. You know who's good is Jason Witten. THIS NEVER WORKS. Buck: "Remember, of course, that nobody celebrates a field goal like a Gramatica." Aikman: "Yeah, if he makes this one, expect him to be out next week." As tempted as I am to cross off the Giants, the NFC's so bad.
As ineffective as Jake's been, I think this is a mistake. Cutler screws this up from here on and the Broncos are out of the playoffs. Of course, that may not matter if the Seahawks continue to move the ball at a pace that would make a snail say, "C'mon! Pick it up!" Eat it, Jay. EAT IT. See, that's why you eat that. Plummer: "I could've done that." I see Darrell Jackson's reverted to 2004 form. That's it; Shanahan's officially lost his mind. Why would you ever call a fake FG - and run that play especially - in that situation? I'll take back that D-Jack comment now. Mellencamp commercial count: 5. Why has Hasselbeck not thrown a single pass in the fourth quarter? OUCH. Oh, this looks bad. Man. You gotta go for it there, right? Fourth and 1 from the 5? OMG. Good thing they didn't, then. Is this too much time? Josh Brown for the win AGAIN! That guy's pretty good.
It's seriously weak how Panthers fans are turning on Delhomme. They do know Chris Weinke is their backup, right? LMAO at the teams going to the wrong sidelines after the coin toss. Why is Rod Hood covering Steve Smith one on one? I thought Garcia couldn't throw deep. What he has done is get away from pressure well. Can't really say the same for Delhomme. Somebody tackle DeAngelo Williams, please. Both punters are earning their money tonight. Does Delhomme usually complain this much, or is he just getting frustrated? Steve Smith's hip broke Michael Lewis's nose. The hell are you booing for? Nothing happened! OK, this routine where the game can't stay tied for more than five minutes is getting annoying. Gogogogogo Reggie Brown. Apparently the Eagles have found the one team that sucks worse at the fourth quarter than they do. I love the reverse in that spot. How do you throw a pass so high that a guy 6-5 and JUMPING can't catch it? At the end I figured they were booing Keyshawn for whining like the little bitch that he is. (Lito released him before they got into the end zone, and Theismann earns his money by pointing out that the refs have been a little lax with the contact rules all night.) He's gonna get fined for that.
"Predicted Week 15 Flex Game: Chiefs-Chargers (the best of a sorry lot)" DING.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (10-3, L1): We lose to Merc and drop to the No. 2 seed in the playoffs, which is actually good because the No. 1 seems to be cursed. We'll face Wade in the first round.
JackSux III (4-9, W1): Well, it's something. Actually, no, it isn't.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (10-2) - LDT's "Fantasy Hero" streak: Five weeks and counting
2. Indianapolis (10-2) - The hell was that?
3. Baltimore (9-3) - *hiccup*
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay (3-9) - I have to ask: is Gruden in trouble here?
31. Detroit (2-10) - So close... but not really
32. Oakland (2-10) - Someone please pull the plug
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Stolen From Max II
Look at the songs listed on this site from the year you turned 18 and make note of the ones you like and dislike.
Love
1. Baby Got Back - Sir Mixx-A-Lott (Come on. How can you not?)
5. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (bigger hit as a reissue)
12. Mysterious Ways - U2
31. One - U2
47. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
54. Scenario - A Tribe Called Quest
59. Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins
73. Tennessee - Arrested Development
Like
3. End Of The Road - Boys II Men
20. Caribbean Blue - Enya
26. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - Elton John & George Michael
29. Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
32. Give It Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers
33. Life Is A Highway - Tom Cochrane
34. Even Better Than The Real Thing - U2
38. These Are Days - 10,000 Maniacs
43. Layla (Unplugged) - Eric Clapton
46. Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
52. Right Now - Van Halen
53. Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
56. Constant Craving - k.d. lang
57. My Lovin (You're Never Gonna Get It) - En Vogue
67. Free Your Mind - En Vogue
70. Galileo - Indigo Girls
Guilty Pleasure
17. Rump Shaker - Wreckx-N-Effect
24. Mr. Loverman - Shabba Ranks
39. Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg - TLC
41. Sexy M.F. - Prince (& The New Power Generation)
45. All 4 Love - Color Me Badd
50. Little Miss Can't Be Wrong - The Spin Doctors
61. Jump - Kris Kross
OK With Hearing
6. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
7. Save The Best For Last - Vanessa Williams
8. Come As You Are - Nirvana
9. Jump Around - House Of Pain
16. Lithium - Nirvana (The thing about all the Nirvana songs is that this is the year I started college. So I was pretty sick of them after about a week or so of hearing them nonstop. This also applies to any early Pearl Jam.)
23. Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Patty Smyth & Don Henley
35. Beauty and The Beast - Peabo Bryson & Celine Dion
64. Symphony of Destruction - Megadeth
71. Just Another Day - Jon Secada
Do Not Remember
4. Move This - Technotronic
11. Twilight Zone - 2 Unlimited
18. Masterpiece - Atlantic Starr
21. Baby Baby Baby - TLC
22. Finally - CeCe Peniston
25. If I Ever Fall In Love - Shai
28. Always Tomorrow - Gloria Estefan
30. The Hitman - AB Logic (This is clearly made up)
36. Everybody'd Free (To Feel Good) - Rozalla
37. Trashy Women - Confederate Railroad
44. Jump! - The Movement
48. Bang Bang - David Sanborn
49. Make It Happen - Mariah Carey
55. Humpin' Around - Bobby Brown
58. Hazard - Richard Marx
60. Am I The Same Girl - Swing Out Sister
62. 57 Channels (and nothin' on) - Bruce Springsteen (I'm not sure how you can be from New Jersey and miss a Springsteen song, but I managed to do it)
65. I Love Your Smile - Shanice (I remember her being cute but I have no recollection of this song, and from the title I probably would have hated it)
66. I Wanna Rock - Luke
68. Keep It Comin' (Dance Till You Can't Dance No More) - C+C Music Factory (I don't think this is the one you all think it is)
69. The One - Elton John
72. Juice (know the ledge) - Eric B. & Rakim
74. Take A Chance On Me - Erasure
75. Good Enough - Bobby Brown
Disliked Hearing
10. I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
15. I'll Be There - Mariah Carey
42. Remember The Time - Michael Jackson
51. Can't Let Go - Mariah Carey
63. This Used To Be My Playground - Madonna
Probably Blocked Out as a Mercy to Myself
13. Boot Scootin' Boogie - Brooks & Dunn
27. To Be With You - Mr. Big (A third-rate Extreme. Does it get worse?)
40. How Do You Talk To An Angel - The Heights
Would Die Happy Never Hearing Again
2. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
14. November Rain - Guns N Roses (Pretentious overblown crap. The beginning of the end.)
19. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
Love
1. Baby Got Back - Sir Mixx-A-Lott (Come on. How can you not?)
5. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (bigger hit as a reissue)
12. Mysterious Ways - U2
31. One - U2
47. Under The Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers
54. Scenario - A Tribe Called Quest
59. Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover - Sophie B. Hawkins
73. Tennessee - Arrested Development
Like
3. End Of The Road - Boys II Men
20. Caribbean Blue - Enya
26. Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me - Elton John & George Michael
29. Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton
32. Give It Away - Red Hot Chili Peppers
33. Life Is A Highway - Tom Cochrane
34. Even Better Than The Real Thing - U2
38. These Are Days - 10,000 Maniacs
43. Layla (Unplugged) - Eric Clapton
46. Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
52. Right Now - Van Halen
53. Friday I'm In Love - The Cure
56. Constant Craving - k.d. lang
57. My Lovin (You're Never Gonna Get It) - En Vogue
67. Free Your Mind - En Vogue
70. Galileo - Indigo Girls
Guilty Pleasure
17. Rump Shaker - Wreckx-N-Effect
24. Mr. Loverman - Shabba Ranks
39. Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg - TLC
41. Sexy M.F. - Prince (& The New Power Generation)
45. All 4 Love - Color Me Badd
50. Little Miss Can't Be Wrong - The Spin Doctors
61. Jump - Kris Kross
OK With Hearing
6. Smells Like Teen Spirit - Nirvana
7. Save The Best For Last - Vanessa Williams
8. Come As You Are - Nirvana
9. Jump Around - House Of Pain
16. Lithium - Nirvana (The thing about all the Nirvana songs is that this is the year I started college. So I was pretty sick of them after about a week or so of hearing them nonstop. This also applies to any early Pearl Jam.)
23. Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Patty Smyth & Don Henley
35. Beauty and The Beast - Peabo Bryson & Celine Dion
64. Symphony of Destruction - Megadeth
71. Just Another Day - Jon Secada
Do Not Remember
4. Move This - Technotronic
11. Twilight Zone - 2 Unlimited
18. Masterpiece - Atlantic Starr
21. Baby Baby Baby - TLC
22. Finally - CeCe Peniston
25. If I Ever Fall In Love - Shai
28. Always Tomorrow - Gloria Estefan
30. The Hitman - AB Logic (This is clearly made up)
36. Everybody'd Free (To Feel Good) - Rozalla
37. Trashy Women - Confederate Railroad
44. Jump! - The Movement
48. Bang Bang - David Sanborn
49. Make It Happen - Mariah Carey
55. Humpin' Around - Bobby Brown
58. Hazard - Richard Marx
60. Am I The Same Girl - Swing Out Sister
62. 57 Channels (and nothin' on) - Bruce Springsteen (I'm not sure how you can be from New Jersey and miss a Springsteen song, but I managed to do it)
65. I Love Your Smile - Shanice (I remember her being cute but I have no recollection of this song, and from the title I probably would have hated it)
66. I Wanna Rock - Luke
68. Keep It Comin' (Dance Till You Can't Dance No More) - C+C Music Factory (I don't think this is the one you all think it is)
69. The One - Elton John
72. Juice (know the ledge) - Eric B. & Rakim
74. Take A Chance On Me - Erasure
75. Good Enough - Bobby Brown
Disliked Hearing
10. I Will Always Love You - Whitney Houston
15. I'll Be There - Mariah Carey
42. Remember The Time - Michael Jackson
51. Can't Let Go - Mariah Carey
63. This Used To Be My Playground - Madonna
Probably Blocked Out as a Mercy to Myself
13. Boot Scootin' Boogie - Brooks & Dunn
27. To Be With You - Mr. Big (A third-rate Extreme. Does it get worse?)
40. How Do You Talk To An Angel - The Heights
Would Die Happy Never Hearing Again
2. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
14. November Rain - Guns N Roses (Pretentious overblown crap. The beginning of the end.)
19. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
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