Thursday, October 25, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Taking Turns

It should be pointed out that the Broncos' vaunted defense has been ripped for 200-plus rushing yards in the last two games. But you can overlook that when you get a pick-six on the third play from scrimmage. Cardinals' second drive ends better than the first — with a three-and-out. Thomas with back-to-back catches, then Philip Lindsay outruns Patrick Peterson to the sideline. Sanders takes a pitch, then throws it to a wide-open Sutton for the touchdown! Johnson starts with a decent run for the Cardinals. Add 15 for that elbow drop onto the back of a downed Fitzgerald. Field goal is good. Cardinals are 0 for their last 13 third downs, Buck sez. Now, the roll call of the Broncos' quarterbacks under Elway. (Though, to be fair, they've been mostly getting that position wrong since Josh McDaniels decided he didn't want any part of Jay Cutler before coaching a game.) Keenum completes a screen to Thomas, who is immediately surrounded by four people. Aikman follows up the quarterback conversation by saying that the Broncos were most interested in Darnold this year, but he was off the board at 6. Rosen throws a pick-six to Chris Harris. What happened there? Receiver stopped his route and let himself get picked? 21-3 Broncos.




Someone blew a coverage and Sanders walks, then flips, into the end zone. 28-3 Broncos. The Cardinals we all grew up with are back, apparently.




David Johnson just noped out of blocking Von Miller, forcing Andre Smith to hold him. Keenum beats the rush and finds Lindsey, who follows his blockers and converts a 3rd and 5. Royce Freeman pushes the pile across the goal line. 35-3 Broncos at the half. Who's gonna win by more: the Broncos or the Sixers (up 28 on the Bulls after 3)?





Keenum throws a pick to Peterson, who runs out of bounds in the wrong direction as if he was the receiver. Rosen finds Fitzgerald. Cardinals are... driving? Harris almost has his second interception in the end zone. Cardinals have to go for this, right? Oh, it's third down NOW. Touchdown Fitzgerald! Sixers win by 19. There's your mark. Miller with another sack. This a fumble? It's ruled a fumble but Joe's not sure. Incomplete pass; overturned. Rosen gets chased out of the pocket and that IS a fumble. Someone fall on it! The Broncos eventually recover. Lindsay bursts through the line for a 33-yard touchdown. The Cardinals' last three passes have been quick outs to the left sideline. There's something different. That's David Johnson's second catch on this drive. He needs the ball more. Rosen throws an incompletion that bounces, then follows it up with an interception. Kid's been under siege all night.




ANOTHER turnover. Miller forced and recovered that fumble. Field goal is good. ANOTHER sack. Stop the fight. (Broncos 45, Cardinals 10)

OK. Higher number: Chargers points or people in L.A. who got up at 6 a.m. to watch this game?




Mariota scrambles to the goal line and stretches the ball across the end zone — but was his knee down? Yeah, they're taking this touchdown off the board. Fourth down now. Touchdown! Titans line up to go for two. Incomplete, but a holding call on the Chargers gives them another chance. Titans going for two AGAIN. Both Green and Arians are against this decision. Incomplete. Going for two? Fine, whatever. But that's a terrible play call with a mobile quarterback and either Derrick Henry (a guy who can blow through a line) or Dion Lewis (a guy you can line up anywhere in the formation). Onside kick does not work. Chargers win, but maintain "Do Not Trust" status until further notice. (Chargers 20, Titans 19)

Signal Finder: CAR @ PHI, CLE @ TB (end of regulation), NE @ CHI (end), DAL @ WSH

16-2 is such a "Browns will trail by this much" score. Winston? Winston! Chandler Catanzaro? Really, Bucs? How'd this dude get another kicking job? I'd feel better with Kacy Catanzaro in this spot. MISSED IT RIGHT. TOLD Y'ALL. The Browns in overtime in 2018: A tradition unlike any other.







Are they really letting this dude kick from 59? DID HE MAKE IT? Christ.




(Buccaneers 26, Browns 23, OT)

The wind blows the ball off the tee. Wentz drops the ball, which is just strange. Eric Reid got into it with Malcolm Jenkins both before the coin toss and after that punt. (They have history going back to the NFL Players' Coalition forming out of the initial aftermath of Kaepernick and Reid's protests.) Good protection on that completion to Ertz. Eagles have two UDFA's (Clement and Josh Adams) who I'm still wondering why they weren't drafted. Crowd rises after this third down run comes up short, as they expect Pederson to go for it here. Wentz sneaks it and gets it. So Reid tackles Wentz after he's handed the ball off, and Ertz took offense (as he should have). They go for it again on 4th and 5, and Jeffrey brings it in on the sideline. Nice footwork. 15-yard Smallwood run is wiped out by a chop block (incorrectly called on Peters) but Goedert gets 21 on the next play. Elliott misses from 36. Oof. Did the wind get that? Jenkins tips away what would have been a big gain to Torrey Smith.





Ertz already with 50 catches this season. Jeffery slips a tackle and gets to the Panthers' 10. Touchdown Jeffery. They do a free kick celebration. Newton doesn't quite convert 3rd and 15, and the Panthers punt on 4th and 1. Riverboat Ron is dead. Jeffery's caught the Eagles' last three passes. Ertz with a tough sideline catch in coverage. Drive stumbles thanks to a key sack by Mario Addison, but Elliott hits this field goal. The winds have shifted, Pam sez. Wait, who has the ball? That's Cam leading Jairus Wright on that double reverse (and Darby wanted no part of that action). Panthers' ball inside the Eagles' 30. Second sack by Graham, and I don't think Cam saw him. Cam takes off on a draw to set up a closer field goal. It's good, but so many flags. Two false starts push the Panthers back five yards and now they're punting because of the wind. Hold cancels a big Smallwood run. Eagles shut it down going into halftime, which seems odd. Panthers get the second-half kickoff and the wind. Cam takes off.
Eagles lobbying for grounding there and they eventually get it. The tight ends have been carving up the Panthers today. Ertz, Goedert, then Ertz again. Clement fumbles, but Wentz is on it. This drive has gone from the Eagles' 6 to the Panthers' 3. Did Adams get this? No. Fourth and 1 (not goal) and Wentz sneaks for the first down. That usually doesn't work twice in a row. Wentz slings it to Goedert for the touchdown. First drive the Panthers have put together in a while. Aw, no shutout. Curtis Samuel takes the reverse and cuts inside for the touchdown. Extra point is wide right.




They calling this a sack? I guess so. Panthers suddenly have their passing game working. Funchess torches Darby and catches a touchdown in the back of the end zone. Panthers going for two now, and they get it.




Eagles go three-and-out. 2:17 left. Eagles' defense playing like it's pissed off. Cam is hit as he throws on 4th down, but he finds Smith for 35 yards! Then he flips to McCaffrey on 3rd and 2. Newton run gets to the 1. TOUCHDOWN OLSEN. That's literally the first time all day I've heard his name called. This is unbelievable. Wentz goes deep immediately and there's a flag. Interference. Then Wentz throws a horrible pass that's called an interception by Reid. This may be overturned. And it is. Mike Adams drops a possible pick in the end zone.




Fourth down and I don't know what the hell any of that was. That's the kind of loss that costs you a playoff spot. Or, in the Panthers' case, gets you one. (Panthers 21, Eagles 17)

Hail Mary time. Caught! SHORT!! HOW? That's BRUTAL. (Patriots 38, Bears 31)







This is important because it's a CBS doubleheader week, and Cowboys-Redskins is the late game.
Fun Fact: Nantz called the last time this matchup was on CBS — in 1993. (D.C. was 4-12 that year. He wasn't as high up in the hierarchy then.) Big Prescott run gets called back by holding. Swearingen tries to do too much to get that interception and ends up out of bounds. It's notable that Washington's starting wide receivers are out and former first-rounder Josh Doctson is not replacing either one of them. He then jumps over a linebacker to convert a third down. Touchdown. Who dis? (Kapri Bibbs, which sounds like an East-West Bowl Game alumnus.) Prescott sneaks on 4th and 1 at midfield. Fumble? Fumble. Teams trade punts. No Chris Thompson either for Washington. Wait, Dak was in concussion protocol? 3rd and 20 and he gets sacked. Has anything actually happened since Dak came back into the game? As I type that, he hits Michael Gallup for a 49-yard touchdown. Alex Smith overthrowing dudes is a new look. Cowboys jump offside on 4th and 10 with four seconds left.




7-7 at halftime and it's as bad as it feels.




Peterson then gets the door slammed in his face on 3rd and goal. Field goal is good. Dammit, Tony, leave Tracy alone. Peterson still has some wheels. First and goal for Washington. Cowboys hold and it's 13-7. Hurns! Oh, look, Dak got sacked again. 13-10. That's a hold, yes. That's against the rules. Ont he next play, Dak gets stripped and it's touchdown Washington! Footage of the last Cowboys-Redskins game on CBS in D.C. where THE SAME THING HAPPENED? (Summerall and Madden were at that one.) Cowboys convert a 4th and 13 to whoever this is. Man, it's a sad day in this rivalry when only, like, two skill position guys are relevant. I feel like Prescott's outrushed Elliott today. By a considerable amount, I mean. Dak goes horizontal and scores! Extra point is good. Cowboys kick it deep with all three time outs left. Romo says he'd like to see some creativity on this last Cowboys drive, like a bootleg or something. You're at the wrong game for that, friend.




This'll be reviewed. It counts, apparently. Maher on for a 47-yarder. Hold that thought, as there's a lot of flags and movement here. Snap infraction? Oh, the long snapper moved the ball twice. Now it's a 52-yarder. OFF THE UPRIGHT. NO GOOD. The Cowboys suck on the road. And that first '93 game that also had the strip-sack touchdown? Guess what the final score was. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17)

Oh my God.







(Saints 24, Ravens 23)

FLEXING. Bengals get the ball first, but the Chiefs force a three-and-out. Even though Mixon made a neat one-handed grab there. Marvin Lewis said they're punting out of bounds tonight. They tried on that one. Here's Hill. Mahomes the runner is a dimension we didn't see as much of in college, I think.




Kirkpatrick almost forced Hunt to fumble, and then Hunt got away from him and gained eight more yards. Touchdown Hunt! Mahomes faking the run to freeze the linebacker (Hardy Nickerson JUNIOR)? That's good stuff. And good job by Collinsworth to notice that. Kelce gets the edge after this catch and goes for 44. Chiefs hurry to the line, but can't beat the challenge on this Watkins catch. This may get overturned. It does get overturned, and the subsequent 53-yard field goal attempt is sliced left. What the hell, Bengals? What happened on this fake punt? Hunt catches the pass and again just barely gets to the end zone. RIBS. Bengals DRIVING. There's A.J. Green. Touchdown Bengals and they do the Macarena afterwards.




TFW Andy Reid's coaching tree is better than Bill Belichick's. That seemed fast. Touchdown Chiefs. Erickson saves the Bengals some yardage by downing this kickoff, which seems like a strange thing to do but Al and Cris didn't think the ball was going to go out of bounds. The Bengals can't really cover Travis Kelce. Another Mahomes run. Field goal is good. Chiefs get the ball to start the second half, which I feel like you'd want to avoid. More Kelce. Touchdown Hunt. Ah, Bengals After Dark. And there's the pick-six. 38-7 Chiefs. You know who's good is Tyler Boyd. So much for running the ball down 31. Field goal is good. Mahomes does a little too much there on that interception. Mixon with another one-handed snag. 38-10 Chiefs after three. That's a very rare drop for Hill in the end zone. Bengals getting in guys' faces now. That Hill touchdown was too easy. Why are the Bengals punting? The only reason Spencer Ware didn't score is he fell down. Reid going for it on 4th and 4 from the 5 as Al says "56 and a half is what a lot of the audience are thinking about right now." They don't get it (!). Dalton's done for the night, and Jeff Driskell, who should probably be playing AA ball somewhere instead, is in. Congrats on 200 wins, Andy! (Chiefs 45, Bengals 10)




Evan Engram back for the Giants. Big plays already on all three of these drives and nobody has any points. We're doing Barkley's weightlifting records in the first quarter? Good Lord. The middle of the Falcons' defense is all hurt. One quarter in the books and absolutely nothing noteworthy has happened. Julio Jones still doesn't have a touchdown catch, and it's Week 6. Witten praises Sarkisian's offensive scheme, which is performing demonstrably worse than Kyle Shanahan's.




Austin Hooper has hops? That's good for 36. Who is Marvin Hall? That's a perfect throw from Ryan for the touchdown. This game was a slog until that drive, which took 61 seconds. ODELL BECKHAM DID NOTHING WRONG. Booger correctly asks who the two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback can't be a leader. Eli hits Sterling Shepard for 30. He then calls time out and the ball is immediately snapped to him. Then he makes a bad throw and the Giants are stuck kicking a field goal. That's interference. Not Matt Bryant (can't kick with a bad hamstring) is on to try a 40-yarder. It's good. Eli Apple can't cover Julio Jones. Giants challenge that this Jones incompletion is actually a catch and fumble... and they're right. Giants ball. Big gain to Beckham despite being held. Field goal is good. A thing I didn't notice the first time: Tavecchio, Bryant's replacement, kicks with his LEFT foot. So the holder's had to switch sides and the new guy's only been there for three days.




Jones needed a second to get control of that one. Coleman finds a hole and scores with little resistance. 20-6 Falcons. Lot of Barkley on this Giants drive. Beckham gets out of bounds. Bad miss, Eli. This a touchdown? I guess so. They're going for two down 8? Why? (This is why.) Great play by Alford to break up the pass to Beckham, which he would have caught. Great effort by Calvin Ridley to stretch and get that first down. Tavecchio just hit from 56! Now the Giants need 11 points in 1:55 instead of 10.




This is true and I'm sure Dan wasn't thinking of Shepard when he tweeted this. Don't know why they're trying a sneak with no time outs. They should have kicked the field goal 20 seconds ago. Another sneak? What the FUCK, Giants. They finally throw a pass that Beckham catches for a touchdown. FIVE seconds left. Christ. Two-point conversion is good. Onside kick goes as you'd expect. (Falcons 23, Giants 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (7-0) — And probably 8-0 this weekend (sorry, Packers)
2. Kansas City (6-1) — Back in gear
3. New Orleans (5-1) — Now time for Brees to go beat all the CFL teams
4. New England (5-2) — Why do we ever think it's the end?

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Should have listened to us
30. Arizona (1-6) — #FreeLarry, indeed
31. San Francisco (1-6) — A non-Garoppolo identity is hard to come by
32. Oakland (1-5) — Did Jon Gruden just rob the Cowboys?


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Thursday, October 18, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Run and Bump

Lane Johnson popped up on the injury report this morning with a bad ankle but he's playing.




Giants take the opening kickoff and lose it, but the returner was down. Eli makes a terrible read (the tight end was covered) and Grugier-Hill picks off the deflection. Eagles take over at the Giants' 16. Wentz rolls right, stalls, and finds Jeffery in the end zone. Quite a few Eagles fans cheer the penalty on the Giants. Aikman still trying to explain the interception without saying "Eli threw to a receiver who wasn't open." Good blocking by a bad offensive line on Barkley's 41-yard run.




Sterling Shepard and Jones get tangled up in the end zone, forcing the Giants to settle for three. Kicker may have a bad quad? Hmm. That wasn't necessary, Tide. Wentz's pass gets tipped and it somehow not only doesn't get intercepted, but Agholor catches it and gets close to midfield. Eagles forced to punt. Bennett sacks Eli, who fumbles, but Solder falls on it at the 1. Good punt return by DeAndre Carter. Back-to-back catches by Jeffery. Big run by Clement gets to the 1. Touchdown Clement. Oh, hey, Bennett jumped offsides. Surprised it took six games. Barkley jumps over Jenkins on his way to a 9-yard gain. The Giants have not yet taken a shot downfield and the Giants fans are well aware of it.




Carter doesn't quite have the nuances of punt returning down yet. That's about the fourth Wentz pass that's been tipped tonight, and that one makes the Eagles have to punt. Beckham muffs the punt but it bounces right back to him. Barkley gets 55 yards on a screen with some good blocks and bad tackles. Bennett gets flagged for roughing and this one's closer to what the rule is. Eagles deny the Giants from the 3-yard line. Field goal is good. Did Ertz flip that pass to Jeffery? He did, for virtually no advantage. Agholor gets open and Wentz finds him for 58! Touchdown Ertz after a play fake. Destiny Vaeao gets a sack. Hmmm. Two flags on the Giants. DPI gets picked up, but roughing does not. Eagles going for 4th and 2 from the Giants; 15 with 1:34 left in the half. "Hulk Hogan" apparently means "try to draw the other team offside." Field goal is good and it's 24-6.




Aikman now getting to "should the Giants have taken a quarterback instead of Barkley" issue. (Probably, yes, they should have. What they really should have done was trade down for more picks to fix the rest of this mediocre roster.) The Giants finally go downfield to... Cody Latimer, who wins a jump ball. The Giants have failed on 15 consecutive third downs after that. 52-yard field goal is short. Eagles get some last-minute traction but Elliott misses from 54 to end the half. Eagles take a quick snap after the Ertz catch to beat a potential challenge. That looks like a catch. Wentz dives for a first down. Eagles getting good stuff in the run game as Aikman questions the Giants' effort. Quick out to Jeffery for the touchdown. Pretty sure Vaitai was at left tackle for most of that drive, as Peters may have pulled his groin or something. Beckham slips a tackle and gets a first down. Barkley! 50 yards later he's in the end zone. Then Smallwood fumbles, but the review says Smallwood recovered and was then down by contact, giving the ball back to the Eagles. Matthews picks up two first downs in a row. Ertz wide open at the Giants' 20. Johnson down as the third quarter ends. He tried to sneak back in but the refs weren't having it. Pereira cleared this up well — you have to miss at least one play after an injury time out, regardless of a change in quarters, UNLESS you were reporting as an eligible player. Semualo slid to right tackle for the third-down play, an incompletion. Field goal is good. Barnett with a sack. For all the criticism Beckham's taken for his comments about the offense last week, it's hard to say he was wrong and he's been out there trying tonight.




Carter muffed the punt and nobody noticed. Did Barkley just fall down there? Josh Sweat should get a half-sack there, the first of his career. Cox just wrecking people now. Gallman runs over Bradham to pick up 3rd and 17. Mills down. Four-down territory for the Giants and they fizzle out.




Mills got back in at some point. Just noticed Pederson's wearing glasses. I don't think I've seen that before. There's still 4:04 left.




Oh my. (Eagles 34, Giants 13)

Signal Finder: PIT @ CIN, CAR @ WSH, CHI @ MIA (end of regulation), IND @ NYJ (end), JAX @ DAL

Dalton almost throws a bad pick to Joe Haden. Oops. Touchdown Tyler Boyd! Big run by Conner. The Steelers really may not actually need Le'Veon Bell. It's not like he's helped them beat the Patriots or anything like that. First and goal. Conner punches it in and we're tied. Bengals striking back, or trying to, at any rate. That's a good punt. Tomlin challenging this spot on a 3rd and 8 pass play, and I think he's going to lose. Call stands. That's a VERY good punt. Juju with a circus catch over Dennard. It looks like a touchdown, but he's ruled down at the 1. His body never hits the ground, but his head does. It's getting reviewed. Call STANDS. Steelers ball at the half-yard line. Conner leaps over the pile for the touchdown. Erickson returns the kickoff near midfield. Boyd embarrasses Artie Burns on that touchdown catch, his second today. Tied at 14 at halftime. This Erickson is a good kick returner from what I've seen. Fouts points out that there wasn't much Antonio Brown in the first half. There he is. Big run by Conner somehow doesn't get counted as a touchdown. It was at least worth a look, I thought. Conner gets stuffed twice. Fourth and goal. Field goal is good as Eagle wonders if they should have challenged. There it is! Brown gets open across the middle for massive yardage. Did the Bengals lose three defenders on that play? Jackson and Kirkpatrick (both corners) went out, and Carlos Dunlap was being stretched out on the sideline. Lot of dudes cramping up, Evan Washburn says. Field goal is good. 20-14 Steelers with 3:32 left. Green! Touchdown Mixon! 48 seconds left. Fouts calls Dre Kirkpatrick's hold on Brown "Good coverage." Juju with a clutch catch over the middle for 22! Brown! All by himself! TOUCHDOWN STEELERS. Good God. This should never have happened. (Steelers 28, Bengals 21)

Not good by Panthers rookie D.J. Moore on the punt return — he tried to do too much and fumbled it. Alex Smith immediately finds Vernon Davis for a touchdown. This punt is uneventful. Washington goes for it on 4th and 1 and sneak it with Smith. It works. Play action to Davis gets 22 yards. Panthers not playing good defense. Smith scampers a bit and finds Richardson alone in the back of the end zone. 14-0 already. Greg Olsen back. Cam throws up a duck under pressure and it's picked by... Josh Norman? Huh.




Moore fumbles AGAIN! Jebus. Hopkins cashes in and it's 17-0. This Funchess touchdown catch is underrated. He reaches over Dunbar with both hands and then pulls it back with one hand to secure it, oddly enough. Gano shanks the extra point.

Field goal is good. 17-9. This Washington drive has gone over six minutes and they're barely in Panthers territory. Dontari Poe jumps offside to make it 3rd and 7. Smith is hit and fumbles, and Trent Williams advances it three yards. So Hopkins is going to try from 56. He got it! Pretty close. Funchess' best chance for NFL success is probably working on that ability to make contested catches in the air, like that one. Torrey Smith with a catch (wearing No. 11, for some reason). Cam and Norman jaw at each other after Cam runs it inside the 5. Touchdown Smith. They'll go for two here. Ding! 20-17. Smith escapes from the pile then asks for a facemask call. He (rightfully) gets it. Deflected incompletion on third down leads to another Hopkins field goal. Charles Davis correctly points out that there's no need for the Panthers to hurry here. Olsen showing up again on this drive. This may get overturned. It does, but Moore comes up with a big catch for a first down. Cam throws it too far for McCaffrey. With two time outs, I'm a little surprised they didn't consider a run on 3rd down, since they're going on 4th regardless. Incomplete. Jairus Wright wanted a flag but no dice. Some more trash talk after the play. (Redskins 23, Panthers 17)

Tannehill didn't start this game, by the way. Brock Osweiler is the Dolphins' new backup.




A game you'd think would be dominated by the Bears' defense is 28-28. Stills catches the deflection off a pass intended for Amendola. GORE! GORE! GORE! Yes, he's still kicking around and just broke off a 32-yard run. Third and goal now from about the 1-foot line. Fumble? FUMBLE! Dear God. The strip didn't really have much of an effect, too. Drake just dropped it.




That's the FOURTH time that's happened today? What? Review says it was recovered in the end zone, which makes it a touchback and a huge break for the Bears. Howard runs up the middle for 21. Another strong run by Howard. Not sure why the Bears haven't gone downfield.




OT two-minute warning. Parkey on for a 53-yard attempt. This doesn't look good... and it's wide right.




Now what are the Dolphins doing? Christ. It's GOOD?




Pretty much, yeah. (Dolphins 31, Bears 28, OT)




Oh, Allen got hurt, I see. Wait, Peterman threw a touchdown to a teammate? Wild.




WELP. It's amazing to think that the Jets are the only New York team that handled its quarterback situation correctly. (Texans 20, Bills 13)

Sean Lee Is Inactive. Good catch by rookie Michael Gallup on A.J. Bouye. What was Dak doing there? Was that an intentional bounce pass to himself? Romo points out that someone (not sure who) was WIDE open in the end zone on the other side. Then he finds Gallup in the end zone, but is it a touchdown? Review says no... his right foot never hit the turf (and actually got caught on his left foot.) So Dak turns the corner and does it himself. 10-0 Cowboys. Sack takes the Jags out of field goal range. Elliott breaks one off. Dak finds Beasley. Beasley again for the touchdown. The Jaguars just don't have the offense to get out of these early holes. Westbrook drops a pass he can't drop and the Jaguars have to punt. Dak badly overthrows Austin. The Jaguars have struggled to contain him in the pocket. Zeke easily picks up 4th and 1 from the Jacksonville 37. The Jags' defense looks outmatched against what isn't a very talented offense. Touchdown Beasley! It's 24-0.




Jaguars finally force a punt. They force another one, and the returner gets hit, the ball flies 10 yards backwards, and D.J. Chark ends up with it somehow. Nantz and Romo discussing T.J. Yeldon's increased role with Fournette out. Touchdown Westbrook. Jaguars kick the extra point, which Romo disagrees with. Dak has embarrassed this defense with his legs. He throws into the end zone, but Ramsey ends up with it... but he's ruled out of bounds. Cowboys settle for three. Triple coverage? Really, Blake? Interception and Heath gets caught from behind at the Jaguars' 8. Touchdown! Oh, boy, Conor McGregor. Stick to kicking, my man. Bortles throws another pick. Touchdown Elliott. Stop the fight. Romo notes that they haven't mentioned Byron Jones' name yet, and Jones breaks up a last-chance 4th and 3 pass with 11 minutes to go. Yes, you read that right. (Cowboys 40, Jaguars 7)




LOL at Al acknowledging that they're actually nowhere near Boston. (In fact, Foxboro(ugh) is actually closer to Providence.) Josh Gordon starting tonight,and he gets the first pass on the game's first play. Nice run by Michel. Pats go for it on 4th and 3 from the Chiefs' 40 (!) but don't get it. Al and Cris figure it's as much because of the offense they're facing. Ten seconds left on the play clock when Mahomes gets this first snap, FYI. Pats out here running a 3-3-5. A couple of overthrows from the kid and the Chiefs have to settle for three. Another solid run by Michel. Pats get a late holding call on Gronk. The Chiefs' defense is the best in the league against 3rd and long, and they stop Hogan short of a first down, forcing the Pats to kick. 3-3. Bad decision by Mahomes leads to an interception by Hightower. Patriots take over at the Chiefs' 3. Touchdown Michel. Kareem Hunt's going to need to be important tonight. Mahomes keeps misfiring and the Chiefs kick another field goal.




Getting Edelman back and adding Gordon has made this offense potentially SO much better. It also means Gronk doesn't have to do as much. Edelman catches a floater for the touchdown. Marky Mark into the break. Another high throw from Mahomes but Conley goes up and gets it. Big run by Hunt. I'm with Al: How does Kelce get that wide open in that situation? And again the Chiefs can't find the end zone.




Brady goes deep to Gordon, who draws pass interference. Michel eventually punches it in. Mahomes rolls out and finds Hill on 3rd and 15. Interception in the end zone! Collinsworth does a good job of describing how Hightower held up Kelce before pressuring Mahomes. 24-9 Patriots at the half. THAT'LL WORK. Hunt got behind the defense on 3rd and 2 and Mahomes hooks him up with a 67-yard catch-and-run. James Develin hasn't played this much all year. Chiefs play the red zone well and the Patriots only add three more. They gave Hill the first down on this sweep, but I'm not sure it was. Patriots challenge and win. I think the Chiefs have to go for this.




Mahomes bootlegs right and gets it. Big run by Hunt to the Patriots' 20. There's still 3:30 left in the third quarter, so no need for the Chiefs to try to get a touchdown here yet. Butker stays perfect and it's 27-19. Brady with a week to throw, but nobody's open and he's hit and fumbles! Chiefs ball! Four plays later Mahomes hits Hill in the back of the end zone. Reid sending out the kicker down two here? Hmmm. Edelman gets open down the field. Right tackle Marcus Cannon is out. Rare James White carry gets 12 yards. Michel breaks a tackle in the backfield and picks up a first down. Brady misses White in the end zone. Field goal is good. This is NOT Tyreek Hill running back this kickoff. He's going! Devin McCourty drags him down at the 3. The PATRIOTS' 3. Don't get crazy, Andy. Mahomes drifts back, throws up a floater, and Hill comes back to it and catches it for a touchdown!




Brady airmails one to Hogan on 3rd and 1 for 45 yards. Then he hits Hogan again, putting them inside the Chiefs' 10. Brady pumps twice, then takes off (!) and scores (!!). That may be his longest touchdown run ever. Pats back in front.




Big Gronk play! Gostkowski hits from 50. 40-33, 3:15 left. OH MY GOD TYREEK HILL. You... you have to cover that dude. Yeah, he had to jump to catch it, but uncontested like that, you're not catching him from any distance. Twelve seconds later we're tied.




Gronk for 40! Al just invoked Scorigami — we've never had a 43-40 game. Until now. (Patriots 43, Chiefs 40)

So I knew that C.J. Beathard is Bobby's grandson, but I didn't know that his dad was a big-time country music songwriter. Speaking of songs, it's Florida Georgia Line (which I'd figured out) and Jason DeRulo (which I had to look up) who's doing the intro with Hank now.




49ers to receive. They're suddenly inside the 10. Who are these guys? Matt Brieda takes two hits and spins into the end zone. Graphic for Jim Taylor, who died Saturday and who I didn't realize was still with us. Who is THIS? Nice bootleg by Rodgers and Valdes-Scantling catches a 60-yarder. Touchdown Aaron Jones! Is this going to be one of those games? They review it and rule him out of bounds at the 1. Montgomery scores two plays later.




Fumble on the kickoff? Packers ball! Both Cobb and Geronimo are out for the Packers. The pocket breaks down and Rodgers overthrows Adams. Field goal is good. Jimmy Graham back? That went for 54. Not a lot of pass coverage going on right now.




On both sides, that is. Goodwin's really fast. Things are settling down. Niners snuff out what Witten thinks was a double reverse. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Crosby hits and it's 20-14 Packers. Raheem Mostert runs up the gut for 26. Beathard to Goodwin for a touchdown! Beathard dives across the first down line. Field goal is good and it's 24-20 49ers at halftime. Hey Packers: More Aaron Jones, less Jamal Williams. Crosby hits from 51. Beathard sets up for something big, but it's well-covered, so he has to dump it to Garcon. But Garcon makes a guy miss and picks up 18 yards. 49ers answer with a field goal of their own. Rodgers looking for room to work, and finds Graham to pick up a 3rd and 5. George Kittle only has three catches for 23 yards? (Unless that's on this drive.) He then drops a third-down pass that would have gone for big yardage, as he was OPEN. 49ers get three more. Seahawks owner/Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today, and he gets a remembrance also.




Rodgers scrambles but doesn't make the 1 on third down. Packers go for it... incomplete.




Packers force a punt. Adams!! TOUCHDOWN! That was a great leaping catch by Adams. Extra point is good and we're tied. Beathard goes deep and it's picked off! Goodwin beat King for a second, but King recovered and basically boxed him out. It's effectively a punt, but it happened on 3rd down so it saves a little bit of time. Montgomery with a 15-yard run. 1:01 left. Rodgers gets sacked and is slow to get up, but a penalty downfield gives the Packers a first down. Everything breaks down and Rodgers runs for 21 yards. The Packers have no time outs, by the way.




EQUANIMIOUS! (That's his name.) Well done fingertip catch by the rookie. Then Rodgers hits Adams at the 9. They're running a play? OK. Incomplete. It did take three more seconds off the clock, though. Crosby comes on. 27 yards. GOOD. And good for him.




(Packers 33, 49ers 30)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (6-0) — That's an even tougher win
2. Kansas City (5-1) — Would be a good loss in college hoops
3. New Orleans (4-1) — Brees gets time off to celebrate
4. Baltimore (4-2) — Took care of business, as you should

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (1-5) — Luck's shoulder really getting tested
30. Arizona (1-5) — That's no good
31. San Francisco (1-5) — You can't do this like that
32. Oakland (1-5) — Somehow avoided an international incident

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Thursday, October 11, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Paved With Good Intentions

No T.Y. Hilton. No Jack Doyle. No Marlon Mack. Edelman's suspension is over. There's a non-zero chance I'll have switched to either Braves-Dodgers or the Flyers by halftime. WE HAVE A CHAIN MALFUNCTION. Only in Foxboro(ugh). First play is a completion to Edelman. Patterson fights his way to the first down marker. Another catch for Edelman. White with a run. This drive is death by a thousand cuts. Touchdown Patterson with little resistance. Chung and Flowers obliterate Luck on a sack. Who is Chester Rogers? Two big catches already on this third colts drive. "How's UCLA doing?" Low blow, Joe. Viniatieri CLANGS and misses! Sick move by White. Michel gets another first down. Can't hit the quarterback in the head. That... should have been a touchdown for Michel (it's pronounced "Mich-elle", apparently) but Brady sneaks it himself on the next play. Eric Ebron actually makes a catch! Graphics glitch? Viniatieri hits this one as Buck and Aikman recount that he was hitting from 60 in warmups. Yeah, the down and distance has been gone for a while. The Patriots have been very methodical all night. Aw, man, Leonard's been arguably the Colts' best player this season.




Official review can't overturn this first down. Colts leave White uncovered, and he scores easily after catching a laser from Brady. Luck gets blitzed and throws an interception right to Chung. Gostkowski hits from 45 and it's 24-3 Pats at halftime. The Flyers game hasn't started yet.




Colts suddenly on the move. Hey, Ebron made another catch! This time for a touchdown! Interception Colts! That's on Hogan — it deflected out of his hands and he 100 percent should have caught that. That's a fumble? Which McCourty? (They're teammates now.) Ah, Devin, who also recovered it. Here's ANOTHER turnover! Gronk gets the ball knocked out of his hands and Najee Goode comes up with it. It's officially called a catch and fumble. After some misfires, Luck hits Ebron. Ryan Grant gets a first down. Touchdown Colts and it's a 7-point game! Patriots answering? There's Edelman again. Touchdown Josh Gordon!


That was not methodical. That was FAST. That's Brady's 500th career touchdown pass, and Gordon had to fight for every inch open he got. Gilmore jumps in front of Ebron and almost intercepts Luck. Colts convert a 4th and 5, but a fumble on the next play gives the ball back to the Pats. First play, Michel goes left side, pops some poor sap with a stiff arm, and scores untouched. Colts facing fourth and 6 into the end zone... no. We're done. After a punt, the Colts put together a drive that won't make much difference. This pass to Swoope a touchdown but it won't matter. As it's being reviewed, Buck remembers New York Times sports columnist Dave Anderson, who died today. The call is overturned and it's first and goal at the 1. Touchdown Ebron and this one will count. It won't matter, either. Brady greets Jacoby Brissett after the game. "You know you were never a threat to me, right?" (Patriots 38, Colts 24)

Signal Finder: JAX @ KC, BAL @ CLE (end), NYG @ CAR, MIN @ PHI, LAR @ SEA (end)

Raining in Kansas City. Jet sweep to Hill for 40 yards is negated by a hold on Watkins. Even the FULLBACK makes big plays in this offense. Mahomes runs for a touchdown.




Field goal is good. The problem the Jaguars are going to have is they can't score enough points to keep up with the Chiefs' offense if things go south defensively. Fournette didn't make the trip, and now Corey Grant's hurt, so the Jags are short on runners. Interception?




Mahomes connecting with Kelce much earlier than he did last week. Second and goal completely breaks down. Um, pass protection? Never mind, that was a coverage sack. Field goal is good. Bortles throws a screen DIRECTLY to Chris Jones, who's a defensive lineman for the Chiefs and proceeds to put a fake ON BORTLES as he returns it for a touchdown. There's a flag, but it's a face mask on the Jaguars. 20-0, and 10 points in seven seconds. Bortles hits D.J. Chark deep. It ends up not mattering. Halftime. The first real Jalen Ramsey-Tyreek Hill confrontation ends with safety help and an incompletion. Mahomes finds Kelce for a big gain. Field goal makes it 23-0. I feel like there's a set of circumstances where Dede Westbrook ends up becoming the Jaguars' best receiver. Touchdown Yeldon.




So Jones just got ejected for punching a guy on the ground during the extra point attempt. The official's RIGHT THERE. Hill wins that matchup with Ramsey for 36 yards,and Mahomes got roughed. Touchdown Tyreek Hill. Are we leaving? (Chiefs 30, Jaguars 14)

Are the Browns... winning? The Ravens are driving, I can tell you that. We've had a field goal blocked in this game, apparently. Ravens in field goal range with three minutes left. Ravens convert a 3rd and 12. Drive is killed by two drops, including one by Crabtree in the end zone. Tucker hits and it's 9-9 with 52 seconds left. Mayfield to Landry for 27 yards! But why didn't he go out of bounds? Browns get stuck and Greg Joseph is facing a 55-yard attempt. Not even close. OVER. TIME.





Browns haven't won on a SUNDAY since 2015. That's roughing the passer? Refs miss pass interference on Brandon Carr, whose continued employment continues to stun me.




Then the Browns get away with the same thing. Do the refs know there's still a game going on?




This game ending on a safety would be amazing. Mayfield completes a pass for 39 yards! 1:25 left! They're not booing, they're saying "Duke." Joseph back on for a 37-yarder. THAT WENT IN?? HOW?? Seriously, that looked like it was partially blocked. Browns win! (Browns 12, Ravens 9, OT)

Welcome back, Eric Reid. Julius Peppers STILL kicking around. Snap the ball, Panthers. Shepard wearing 81 this week for some reason. There's Beckham. Field goal is good. Rivera challenging this incompletion call on the Funchess play. Can't tell how this should go because Fox sucks at replays. OK, sure, why not. Double reverse to D.J. Moore for a tough first down. The Panthers have struggled badly with the play clock — they've been called for Delay of Game once already, and had to rush the next snap after that play. Curtis Samuel runs through some absolutely terrible tackling by the Giants and scores. Oh, I didn't know about his irregular heartbeat problem. And now Shepard's back to 87. Is there ANOTHER Shepard? I'm baffled. Giants already trying to line up to go for it on 4th and 3 but they won't get this play off. Pass is incomplete. Field your kicks, Giants. My God. Touchdown Panthers after some comedy in the end zone. Eli can't complete a pass right now. Is there something wrong with the communications in Charlotte? Both teams seem to be having problems getting plays in. 17-3 Panthers after that field goal. Beckham THROWS to a wide-open Barkley, who takes it in! That's the best pass the Giants have thrown all year. Cam fumbles on a third-down run, but they catch a break when the defender who recovered it was out of bounds. Charles Davis gives Kenny Albert deserved props for spotting that. Field goal is good. Apparently there are two Shepards. Eli almost gets picked but Beckham plays defense and knocks the ball down. Then Bradberry (the defender there) gets big-time payback when he knocks the ball out of Beckham's hands in the end zone. Clutch. Giants settle for three. Cam runs for a first down, doing what he does. Giants get hit with three straight penalties, including two on D.W. Webb, who gets dinged for holding and arguing with an official. Panthers ball at the Giants' 16. Interception! Four plays later, Mike Adams baits Eli into an interception. Sterling Shepard furious on the sideline. #81 is Russell Shepard, who's still in the league. That's a tough personal foul on the hit on Wright. McCaffrey gets the ball in a flash and is in the end zone before the Giants saw what happened. Another interception by Adams. Looks like miscommunication between Eli and Sterling. Now Jenkins picks off Cam. (That was four interceptions in a span of 27 offensive plays.) That's Beckham's first touchdown catch of the year. Giants go for two and get it. 27-24. Panthers facing 4th and 1. This should be a sneak as they go for it from the Giants' 44. Bootleg pass COMPLETE to Wright! I'm with Davis, I thought he'd throw to McCaffrey in the flat. Giants do well to get a stop. Field goal is good, but we haven't reached the 2-minute warning yet. Russell Shepard absolutely TORCHES this kid and... scores? It's reviewed, and Shepard was touched down at the 15. Barkley catches a pass in the flat and leaps into the end zone! Did he land funny? Extra point is GOOD and the Giants lead! Really, Panthers? Who called a run on 3rd and 1 with no timeouts left? Are they kicking a 63-yard field goal here? IT'S GOOD!!!






Jesus. That would've been good from 70. (Panthers 33, Giants 31)

Cousins slings one and Thielen dives for a first down catch. Vikings actually doing a little bit of running with no Dalvin Cook. Bailey CLANGS off the upright and OUT. Eagles' pass protection still an issue. The Vikings should attack this Eagles secondary. Mills with a solid pass breakup on 3rd down. Vikings sniff out a pitch on 3rd and 1. Buck waves to us from the booth. Graham with a sack. Hey, a Shelton Gibson sighting! Ajayi takes a lick from Sendejo. Smallwood drops a third down pass and the Eagles settle for three. Diggs makes two moves and gets a first down, then takes a handoff for a decent gain. It should be noted that the Eagles are shorthanded up front. And then Corey Graham and Darby go off within three plays of each other. Bailey misses AGAIN. Is he washed? Did the Cowboys actually know something the rest of us didn't? Wentz has time and hits Agholor. Goedert with a catch. Wentz it hit and fumbles(?), and Linval Joseph rumbles 62 yards for a touchdown. False start prevents delay of game. Chris Long whiffs on a sack and Cousins completes to Thielen for a first down. Lot of short stuff working for the Vikings. Bennett's sack is canceled out by a roughing penalty that the crowd hates. (Periera wasn't sold on it, either.) Darby's hold can't stop Thielen from catching a touchdown.




17-3 Vikings at the half. Eagles get the second-half kickoff. Smallwood catches that third-down pass and gets 23. Running game starting to pay dividends. Then Ajayi fumbles and that's the end of that. THEN Cousins hits Thielen for 61 yards from his own end zone. Mills didn't even bite on the double move, Troy. Thielen just ran past him because he's slow. They mix it up again on third down and get in each other's faces afterward. It's getting HEATED. They get separated (and Cox gets in Mills' face) and Bailey hits a short field goal.




Ertz misses one pass, but catches the next one. Jeffrey somehow gets wide open in the middle of the field. Agholor with a big catch. Sack may have kept the Eagles out of the end zone. You can tell Pederson didn't want to kick this field goal but he kind of has to. 20-6. Eagles force a three and out. Ertz gets some room in front of him. Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Jeffery hauls it in. This is a touchdown, right? Under the new rules, it is and the call is confirmed. Pederson going for two for some reason. Smallwood barely gets it in. 20-14. Diggs runs down a rushed throw from Cousins and makes a good play on it. This is a bad challenge. FUMBLE? This'll get reviewed. That is a lateral and that should be Eagles ball. It is! Jeffery takes a hit and can't hang on to it. Does Pederson try a 58-yarder here? Not initially, but the Vikings call a "Wait, what?" time out. They're going for this, for SOME reason. "Hulk Hogan?" That's not going to work. They punt. Big hole opens up for Latavius Murray. Rudolph catches a flip on 3rd and 1 and goes for 17 before stepping on the sideline. Diggs pulls in another off-target throw by Cousins but Jenkins tackles him immediately.




Pederson calls his last time out.  Bailey tries from 52. GOOD. Eagles work the middle of the field with Ertz as Aikman introduces the two-score end-game strategy by asking when they're going to kick the field goal. Or they can just score the touchdown anyway. Potentially important extra point is good. Onside kick time! It's up... and the Vikings have it. Well, at least the rest of the NFC East doesn't appear to be that great. (Vikings 23, Eagles 21)

Now Kupp AND Cooks are out? Gonna be interesting to see who else the Rams have. The refs move the ball back so it 3rd and about one and a half yards now. Gurley comes up short. The Rams send out the punt team and the Seahawks call time out. Then McVay pulls the punt unit and sends the offense back out. Goff sneak GETS IT! That's that.




(Rams 33, Seahawks 31)

Remember, Jason Garrett is still the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. No Lamar Miller for the Texans. Nice catch downfield by Hopkins. Field goal is NO GOOD. Big catch by ex-Baylor hoopster Rico Gathers, who Al says the Cowboys have been trying to turn in to a football player.




Field goal is good. Hopkins with another big catch and he breaks some tackles afterwards. Watson gets smashed at the 1. Jet sweep to Keke Coutee and he scores! Prescott off target on his last two throws, one of which would have been a pick-six if Jonathan Joseph had held on to it. The Texans center, Nick Martin, is Zack's brother, which I did not know but makes sense. Coutee almost makes a great catch, but a penalty on the Cowboys keeps the drive alive. Watson avoids a 20-yard sack to set up a short field goal. Prescott's throw is high and picked off of the tip. Nice catch and run by Alfred Blue, subbing for Miller tonight. Hopkins makes a falling catch at the goal line. Touchdown? NO! His elbow hit the ground before the ball crossed the plane. 4th and goal now. Watson looks for a receiver, then scrambles for it, and does NOT make it. Um, why not kick the field goal instead of running... whatever that was?




Hopkins fumbles and the Cowboys get a decent return off of it. O'Brien challenges this Elliott run, I suppose because it would have been a first down otherwise. The Texans get one stop, but not two, and then Prescott finds Allen Hurns in the back of the end zone.




Prescott somehow finds Elliott with a flip to escape a sack. Then he throws another pass that gets deflected... and intercepted. Call stands. Dak is... perturbed. Big pass play to the tight end Ryan Griffin gets the Texans inside the 5, but they can't get any closer. Field goal ties it. Cowboys challenging this Tavon Austin sideline non-catch. Terry McAuley thinks it'll be an incompletion because he didn't make a football move (and the force-out rule was eliminated several years ago.) Call stands. That home vs. road winning percentage graphic is very telling. I'd forgotten how bad a coach Jim Haslett was. Prescott somehow got away from Clowney, and he's upset about it even though the Texans forced a punt. This Cowboys secondary can't handle Hopkins. Example: That's the first-ever PI on Byron Jones in his four-year career. Blue run doesn't work. Sneak doesn't work. Pass into the end zone... DOESN'T WORK. Christ.




They kick the field goal to go up three. Prescott gets flushed left, gets away from Watt and just throws it downfield where Austin comes back and catches it! Reminded me of when McNabb did something similar to the Cowboys. He wasn't completely across the line of scrimmage, so it's a legal pass. Field goal ties it. That's a big sack that Watt helped set up. Texans ball with 1:20 left.




Watson misses Coutee down the middle, then finds him down the seam and he gets out of bounds. Airmailed pass gets intercepted! Xavier Woods! (Not that one, thankfully.) Collinsworth said Woods shouldn't have run out of bounds, but with one time out left, he may have done the Cowboys a favor. They almost gave it right back! KNOCK IT DOWN! Overtime. Cowboys win the toss as Watson comes out of the medical tent. Cowboys burn half of overtime before... punting? On 4th and 1? Watson hits Hopkins, who spins out of at least three tackles (four!)







Blue gets nine yards closer. Fairbarn sets up. It's GOOD! (Texans 19, Cowboys 16, OT)

Brees needs 201 yards for the record. He could conceivably get it in the first half. Peterson limping badly after that tackle by Williams. Mark Ingram back from suspension for the Saints. You can't cover Michael Thomas with a linebacker. I don't remember him being this good at Ohio State. Ingram catches a pass and goes down the sideline for 27, then finishes the drive off with a run. Extra point is MISSED. Peterson's back, but it's Chris Thompson who just barely gets to the corner and picks up that first down. That's a great leaping catch by Paul Richardson. Ball at the Saints' 5. They hold on and it's 6-3. Ingram doesn't appear to have missed a beat. Blitz gets to Brees, but a late shove on Ingram gives the Saints 15 yards. Another nice catch by Thomas. Brees is forced to scramble on rd and 4 from the 5 but a penalty gives the Saints a first down. Brees cashes in, and Lutz barely makes the extra point. It's a little early to be plugging Rams-Chiefs in Mexico City, guys. Peterson just wrecked somebody with a stiff arm. Hopkins hits from 54 yards. Taysom Hill runs OVER linebacker Preston Smith on his way to picking up 3rd and 1. 52 yards to ex-Bear Cameron Meredith, who got behind the whole defense. Hill comes back in and runs a zone read to the 3. Ingram trips but still gets in. PAT happens without incident. Third down incompletion gets challenged. Brees's family heads down to the field as he's 35 yards away. TOUCHDOWN. First play of the drive, Rookie Tre'Quan Smith breaks a tackle and cruises 62 yards.




Brees being mobbed. Ref gives him the ball and a certificate.




By the way, they're going for two. They don't get it. This is a catch and fumble by Meredith, and it should be Washington's ball. Confirmed, and also confirmed is that Jeff Triplette's as bad at this as he was as a referee.




Alex Smith scores on a keeper from 4 yards out. They needed that. 26-13 Saints at halftime. There's TV-friendly stuff on the new Lil' Wayne record? Saints get the ball to start the second half and are in the end zone in five plays. That's touchdown pass No. 499, by the way. These are some long rollouts by Alex Smith. They go for it on 4th and 2 and... well, I'm not sure why he threw that pass, but it's intercepted and returned all the way to the 4. Hill scores on an option run.




Hey, a Jordan Reed sighting. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten hurt yet. (I wish I was kidding.) Smith has been under a lot of pressure this half, and he just fumbled. Field goal is good. Smith finds Crowder, them Maurice Harris, who gets caught from behind at the 3. Touchdown Thompson. Two-point try is stuffed. They keep replaying the audio from Brees breaking the record.




Bridgewater in to take a few knees. Wait, Brees hasn't won the MVP award? (Saints 43, Redskins 19)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (5-0) — That's a tough win
2. Kansas City (5-0) — This was easier than it should have been
3. New Orleans (4-1) — The offense is now complete
4. Chicago (3-1) — Because I don't trust the Bengals, and neither should you

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (1-4) — Valiant efforts, but for naught
30. Arizona (1-4) — That seems about right
31. San Francisco (1-4) — Oof
32. Oakland (1-4) — You really want this team, Vegas?

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Friday, October 5, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Journey to the Center of the Standings

WELCOME TO THE MOTHERSHIP, THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.


Dalvin Cook's back for the Vikings, which will help. Also, Marcus Peters is playing for the Rams. (Aqib Talib is on IR.)


The Vikings have been waiting on Laquon Treadwell for a while. Thielen's eating on this drive. Cousins finds Aldrick Robinson all alone in the back of the end zone with a perfect throw. Holding on Suh and the touchdown stands. Everson Griffen is not starting tonight, for good reason. Cooks coverts 3rd and 9 as the announcers wonder why he's bounced around so much. (The Patriots could absolutely use him, by the way.) Woods draws a flag on the outside. The Rams use tight ends? Dear God. Gurley catches a touchdown pass right past Anthony Barr, and he celebrates with a champagne toast. Vikings' offense churning again. Rudolph makes a tough catch for a first down to end the first quarter, then Thielen makes another catch to start the second. Was he touched? I'm not sure he was touched. Cousins sneaks on 4th and 1 from the Vikings' 28 (!) and gets it. Pass to the fullback comes up short. Dan Bailey time! He banks it off the upright... and IN. Touchdown Cooper Kupp! The Vikings can't let Barr get caught in coverage against any of these guys. Him against Kupp isn't fair.


The Vikings come right back with a 33-yard pas play to Diggs helped by good blocking in front of him. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Aldrick Robinson again? He just got here! (Seriously. The Vikings signed him on Tuesday.) 17-14 Vikings. A rare miss from Goff and we get to see some punting finally. Thielen back to return, as the Vikings don't have their regular punt returner tonight. The Vikings are on their backup long snapper, Erin reports. Might be worth watching. And the Rams almost get to that punt. Santa Monica Pier? Oh, that's interesting... the Vikings' punter was closer to the line of scrimmage than usual because of the new snapper, which is why the punt almost got blocked. Big plays to Kupp and Woods. Goff throws on the run to Kupp in the end zone, who somehow slows up enough to keep his feet inbounds! 21-17 Rams. We've got some great receivers in this game. SoCal boy Aikman rattling off some names from the mid-70's "Fearsome Foursome" Rams era. The Rams almost got to that punt, too. Touchdown Cooks and this is starting to feel Greatest Show-ish.


Great pass breakup by Shields, preventing a Diggs touchdown. Buck wondering if this isn't four-down territory for the Vikings, who have all of their time outs.


Diggs loses his helmet and may not have the first down. It's close. Spot is reviewed and it's short. Cousins sneak works. Vikings run out of time and Bailey hits from 30 with six seconds left. That kick had some swerve on it. 28-20 Rams at halftime. Rams get stopped. FAKE PUNT PASS... is incomplete. "Video football game", Troy? Screen to Gurley gets 57 yards. Flag is picked up. Vikings keep the Rams out of the end zone this time as Ficken hits a field goal. Diggs makes a strong catch in traffic. Thielen gets open down the middle, then drags Shields into the end zone. Touchdown Vikings. They go for two and Latavius Murray comes out of mothballs to get it. The Rams receivers have been open all night, it seems. Touchdown Woods, and Barr got trapped on a wide receiver AGAIN.


FOX doesn't even have time to go to commercials, these teams are scoring so quickly. Hey, a sack. Sup, Aaron Donald. Goff finds Cooks open on the sideline, and he stops on a dime to stay inbounds. Nice work. He does it again, but skids out of bounds after making the catch. Cooks AGAIN, this time over the middle. These Rams can drive on you with one guy or six. It's scary. Cooks fumbles, but the Rams recover. Field goal is wide right. Rams cornerback wearing No. 41 giving me Todd Lyght flashbacks. Suh sacks Cousins, taking them out of field goal range. I'm not sure punting was the right move there inside four minutes.




Woods stretches for a first down but comes up short. They should go for this because the Vikings haven't stopped them all night. They're PUNTING? I don't like it. Donald sacks Cousins on first down. Two completions to Treadwell equal a first down. Fumble? Fumble! For now, anyway. Yeah, that's a fumble. Rams ball. I've learned not to trust Cousins in these situations. (Rams 38, Vikings 31)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, MIA @ NE, CIN @ ATL (end), HOU @ IND (end), NO @ NYG, SF @ LAC (end)


The Eagles have never won in Tennessee. Mariota starts for the Titans despite a bum elbow. A deep pass goes off Corey Davis's fingers, as Sidney Jones got fooled on a play fake. Another deep shot to Davis works. Is Long lined up in the neutral zone? Third down pass is dropped.  Field goal is good. Wentz drops a bomb on first down that Agholor can't catch. Big catch by Ertz and big run by Ajayi ends up wasted. Bennett gets his first Eagles sack. It's 81 degrees in Nashville and only the Titans' sideline has shade. Two sacks and an Agholor drop later, the Eagles punt. Massive punt by Johnston. 68 yards, and the Titans will get pinned even deeper because of an illegal block that even I saw. Eagles not tackling well on this drive. First quarter is over. Alshon Jeffrey back. Pass protection hasn't been the best on either side. Ertz. Ertz again.


Eagles' defense immediately gets a stop, but a face mask on Jones wrecks their field position.


Stuck in a 3rd and 24, Smallwood gets a good chunk of it back, giving the Eagles a chance to pin the Titans deep with 49 seconds left. Interception! That's the rookie Avonte Maddox, who's playing more because McLeod'll be out for a while with a knee injury.


Why run on 3rd down? Field goal is good. 10-3 Eagles at the half. Ertz is FEASTING. Wentz throws a screen into complete traffic that Ajayi somehow catches. Jeffrey posts up Butler for a first down. Eagles appear to catch a break when Kevin Byard recovers an Agholor fumble — but he's out of bounds. Two straight holding calls back the Eagles way up. Can't hit a sliding quarterback. Wait, how is that not a penalty? Seriously? Jeffrey with another post-up, this time for the touchdown! Davis with a big catch for the Titans, who just got the ball for the first time this half. Derrick Henry loses 12 yards after fumbling a pitch. Mills gets caught interfering, giving the Titans the ball at the 8. Mariota rolls left and takes it in himself. Bad series for the Eagles ends with a sack-fumble by Harold Landry. Eagles stuff Dion Lewis (?) on 3rd and 1, but Cox goes off hurt. Which is probably why the Titans are going for it here. Mariota makes a last-second flip to Lewis to convert. Eagles still hold and the field goal is good.


ANOTHER drop by Agholor. Davis beats Mills on the same play he dropped in the first quarter. Sharpe puts a move on Jones and ends up open in the end zone for a touchdown. Titans lead. Smallwood with a catch and run for a first down. Drive stalls, and the Eagles punt with all three time outs left. Not sure what that play call was. Eagles force a punt. Deandre Carter with a BIG punt return to the Titans 40! He's in because Sproles AND Clements are hurt. Big first down pickup by Jeffrey. Titans play Eagles-level red zone defense.


Elliott field goal ties it at 20 with 16 seconds left. OVERTIME. Eagles win the toss. Three straight runs put the Eagles in Titans territory. And another one gets them into the red zone. Dangerous pass by Wentz on 3rd and 12 falls incomplete.  Elliott hits from 37. Deep pass down the middle is DROPPED. Mariota overthrows Davis on third down. 4th and 10. False start makes it 4th and 15. Taylor CONVERTS. Now 4th and 4. Incomplete, but pass interference on Jones (who hasn't had a good day either) keeps the Titans alive. Of note, there's less than three minutes left. Now it's the two-minute warning, Mariota SCRAMBLES for about 15 of those 19 yards. Succop in to try a 50-yarder. NO HE'S NOT. Titans going for it on 4th and 2. Swing pass to Lewis and he MAKES IT TO THE 15. What the hell, guys. Jenkins had been playing well in overtime until that holding call. Davis with a drop. Touchdown Davis. The Eagles STILL have never won in Nashville. (Titans 26, Eagles 23, OT)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Buccaneers' secondary; 5-14. The officials in Browns-Raiders






FitzMagic is dead. FitzMagic ALWAYS DIES. (Bears 42, Buccaneers 7)

If this game was in Miami I'd like the Dolphins' chances a lot better. Josh Gordon is ACTIVE. The Dolphins red-zone defense has been excellent this season. But this ain't the red zone. Touchdown Patterson. Brady's first start was 17 years ago today, against a Colts team he would go on to torment for almost actual decades (and may do again This Thursday Night On FOX. What a missed opportunity for a plug.) Bad snap leads to a turnover. patriots' ball at the Dolphins 22. The backup center was in for that ONE PLAY and that happened. Wow. And James White cashes in IMMEDIATELY, bouncing outside and scoring untouched. 17-0 Patriots.


Touchdown Dorsett? Jeez. 24-0 Pats at the half and no reason to think it'll get any better for the Dolphins. We outta here. (Patriots 38, Dolphins 7)

We join Bengals-Falcons at 28-27 visitors, and the Falcons are now also without Vic Beasley, at least for the moment. Bengals take over and Beasley's back for the Falcons. Falcons get flagged for a clear helmet-to-helmet hit. Dalton is IMMEDIATELY intercepted. Ryan finds Ridley wide-open for the touchdown. This two-point conversion has been an adventure, and it ends with OPI on the Falcons. 33-28. Julio Jones somehow doesn't have a single touchdown this season. Penalty on the Bengals wipes out a Green touchdown. Dalton gets sacked and fumbles! They review it and overturn it, saying Dalton was down. Field goal is good. Sanu! Against his old team, even. Falcons put up three more. 4:15 left. Dalton throws a pass that by all right should have been picked off. Tyler Boyd converts 4th and 8. Boyd converts 4th and 6 with 12 seconds left! How do the Bengals still have that time out? They finally call it. TOUCHDOWN GREEN! How do you let him get behind you in the end zone? (Bengals 37, Falcons 36)


Texans take over after holding the Colts to a field goal in overtime. Watson goes deep for Hopkins in the corner of the end zone... and he can't hold on. Someone named Coutee picks up 3rd and 9.


Yes, as it turns out. He's got 10-108 in his first-ever game. 1:58 left. Texans can't get it in and a field goal ties it again. Can't get sacked, Luck. 4th and 4, 27 seconds left, and the Colts are... going for it? Whoa. Incomplete. Still time for the Texans! Announcers are stunned the Colts went for it. They suggest trying to draw the Texans offside, which only works against the Bengals. Hopkins with a catch and run to the Colts' 20. Field goal is GOOD. (Texans 37, Colts 34, OT)

Saints are struggling in the red zone on this drive. Uncharacteristic. They settle for three and it's 7-6. This a catch and fumble? It's being looked at after Lattimore's runback. Romo with the cliffhanger. Call stands, and Romo says he thought it would. Saints still can't cash in a touchdown as the Giants' defense holds. Field goal gives them the lead. Another turnover? Kamara can't keep possession in the end zone and that's on him. The Giants' defense has been very good when it's mattered today.
Saints get another field goal. 12-7 at halftime because the Giants have no time to do anything.


Hey, the Saints are in the red zone again. Well, they're just outside of it. Touchdown Kamara! Barkley finds an opening outside and picks up 25. Field goal is good. Thomas uses his blockers to pick up 3rd and 7. Saints say touchdown. Refs say no. Romo agrees with the Saints. Nantz doesn't. That is CLOSE. Payton challenges. Overturned! Touchdown Saints and that's probably that. Eli throws a bomb to Shepard at the 1. Touchdown! Saints lose Shepard, who makes the two-point conversion. (Saints 33, Giants 18)

Did my man just make a Seinfeld reference? Yeah, dudes who wear No. 98 don't get a lot of interceptions. (Chargers 29, 49ers 27)


Dear Lord. Who let this happen? Hey, Gruden wins! (Raiders 45, Browns 42, OT)

Ravens are working that far sideline. Touchdown John Brown down that same sideline. Roethlisberger's pass to McDonald, who fumbles and Tony Jefferson returns it for a touchdown! Let's see if the return stands, as it's definitely a catch and fumble. The touchdown will come off the board after review. Lamar Jackson back in and runs a QB draw. 3rd and 1 and Flacco finds Alex Collins on a swing pass for a touchdown. 14-0 Ravens quickly. Steelers' next drive stalls. Bad throw by Flacco costs Crabtree a touchdown. Steelers finally hit a big play, this one to Schuster. Field goal is good. Collins fumbles and the Steelers recover. Ben misses deep down the sideline but hits Road Dogg after a play fake gets him the release. Hot mic, ref!


The Steelers caught the Ravens shorthanded and only got 9 yards? There's Antonio. How'd they catch that block in the back but not that late hit on Brown after he went out of bounds? Steelers pick it up anyway. Juju takes a questionably late hit and Collinsworth says this game is about to turn into "one of those." Aren't they all like that, though? Steelers settle for another field goal. Crabtree drops a kind of easy one. Oooh, Skycam. Vance McDonald was awful with the 49ers but has found a home in Pittsburgh. HOW DID BROWN CATCH THAT? He was blanketed. That's nuts. Steelers going for two already, which we've seen Tomlin do many times before. Swing pass to Conner, who gets upended into the end zone. Tied at 14. Replay shows Brown's double move on Marlon Humphrey didn't even work. Flacco overthrows Brown in the end zone. Hew ants a flag but won't get it. Jackson gets a first down on a keeper. Tomlin considering a challenge and finally does. This is why you don't challenge spots. There's nothing there. First down Ravens. You know who's still good is Joe Haden. Flacco misses Crabtree and barely avoids being intercepted. Tucker from 47 and you know how that ends.


Steelers forced to punt. Collins gets hit out of bounds and things may be starting to bubble up again. Tight end Nick Boyle crashes through defenders. Willie Snead gets open for a good gain. Tucker hits again and it's 20-14. Steelers have stalled. How many tight ends do the Ravens actually HAVE? Another Le'Veon Bell discussion, with the reference of what happened to Earl Thomas today. Ravens milking clock. Then they throw incomplete on 3rd and 6, which stops the clock. Tucker is good again. 3:37 left. Roethlisberger gets picked! That's that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 14)

The Chiefs may be the one team that shouldn't defer when they win the coin toss. Can't miss tackles, even between the tackles. Try to be consistent, Case. This seems like a long field goal but we are in Denver. Here comes Mahomes. Gotta account for Kareem Hunt. Both quarterbacks facing early pressure. Field goal is good.


Did Hunt stay inbounds? Looks like he did. That's nuts. 46 yards and the Chiefs get their first big play. Clutch completion on third down. Nobody's open, so Mahomes RUNS for the end zone and gets there! The Broncos are running at will on this Chiefs defense. Keenum then hits rookie Courtland Sutton downfield. Very patient running by Royce Freeman on that touchdown (and pathetically played by the Chiefs defense, especially the poor sap who he dragged along with him).


Snap the ball, Chiefs! That's offside. Devin Booker's still on the Broncos? Huh. Fans wanted a face mask call. This Sutton catch is close. Refs say it's short. Now what? Broncos going for it. They go play action bootleg (!!) and Thomas stretches out and gets the first down! This is a good drive. The Broncos get the field goal unit on with the clock running and hit it. 13-10 Broncos at the half. Why the hell is Good Charlotte still making albums? Who asked for this? This guy's the Chiefs' second tight end. No wonder he got wide open. Mahomes and Kelce cannot connect tonight. Sammy Watkins is hurt? Shocking. DON'T DO THAT. I mean, it worked here, but DON'T DO IT. Hunt runs right into Von Miller. What? Pac-Man's on the Broncos? Butker field goal ties it. WOW. The tight end had that ball CAUGHT — and it would have been a great catch in its own right — and the safety (Eric Murray) just took it from him. Big run by Hunt. That penalty on Eric Fisher (who's somehow managed to escape being a not-great No. 1 overall pick) just took the Chiefs out of field goal range. The Chiefs' run defense has been horrific tonight. Touchdown Broncos! We are now in the first bad Mahomes game. Freeman runs wild again. Or still, really. Field goal is good. 23-13. That's Mahomes' second completion to Kelce tonight, so that's something. Chiefs going for it on 4th and 1. This seems like one of those moments. Swing pass to Hunt gets it. Kelce gets 19 on first and 20. Mahomes hasn't had clean pockets but is still making throws. That's big. Hunt has not run away from contact tonight. Flip to Kelce and that's a touchdown.


Miller was bearing down on Mahomes and he still got it to Hill for a first down WITH HIS OFF HAND.


The next play is intentional grounding. Holding penalties are killing the Chiefs tonight. Again Harris is wide open and Mahomes hits him for 35 yards.


Ball at the Broncos' 11, 1:54 left. That flag's on the Broncos for once. Touchdown Hunt! Sanders picks up 4th and 11 on a high throw from Keenum. Then Heuerman runs free in the middle of the field and gets about 45 yards. Keenum misses Thomas down the sideline, who would have scored easily. What was THAT? Tessitore thinks the Broncos were trying a hook-and-ladder, but the ball's on the ground and the Chiefs have it! This review doesn't matter — it was fourth down, so it's Chiefs ball regardless. This is just bookkeeping. They called it incomplete? Would they have had time to spike the ball and run another play? Booker MIGHT have gotten out of bounds.





It took four weeks, but we finally got a "Tess Effect" game. (Chiefs 27, Broncos 23)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (4-0) — CAN defer after winning the coin toss
2. Kansas City (4-0) — Mahomes passes big test
3. Chicago (3-1) — I don't love it, but I don't love anyone else, either
4. Baltimore (3-1) — See above

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (1-3) — Feels like things have gotten worse
30. San Francisco (1-3) — Might as well tank this season, too
31. Arizona (0-4) — Well, so much for my Rosen prediction
32. Oakland (1-3) — Got a win they didn't deserve


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