Friday, November 27, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Crossing Stripes

THE JAGUARS ARE A GAME OUT OF FIRST PLACE. They're doing Color Rush again? God, this league doesn't learn a damn thing. That said, we need more gold in football uniforms. Hey, it's the punter who was drafted three spots ahead of Russell Wilson. It's hilarious that Blake Bortles is already better than Blaine Gabbert ever was. Hey, we got a drive here. Julius Thomas! It's good to have money. Mariota looks good so far. I see the Jaguars use the Redskins' turf supplier. Anyone else good on these teams?


That's a fumble. Why would they rule him down? He was still on his feet when the ball came out. Bortles has overthrown almost everyone so far. This game's been about as interesting as we suspected.


This is... not a turnover. Simms is actually right — this time the Titans will have all 15 yards to punt and not be backed up, so a block is less likely. Hey, an Allen Robinson sighting. He's secretly become good. This is why these teams are bad _— they can't convert opportunities. First time seeing T.J. Yeldon. I think he was on a better team last year. That's twice Orakpo's gotten dinged up on this drive but he's FINE. This will also end in a field goal. CALLED IT. The "Oh, what" Play, Phil? Mariota!






That sequence is why these teams are terrible. Where'd the Titans find this Andrews dude? The Jaguars need a stop here, while the Titans need to pick this up and run two more minutes off the clock. That's short. Oh, look, a special teams breakdown. Rashad Greene's on the Jaguars? He needs a new team; he's never going to get any run here. Aaand touchdown Jaguars. Julius Thomas was worth that cash they had lying around. And the Titans fumble on their first play. That dude's pissed.


Another short fourth down and the Jaguars decide to kick. Though I support this, I wouldn't have done it on the other side of the two-minute warning. It also gives the ball back to the Titans, who are the only ones who have driven down the field for a touchdown tonight. Nantz and Simms have taken their jackets off like they're actually sweating. That pass was to nobody. Any time outs left? Nope. Five seconds! Mariota almost slipped! SACK. Punch it. And now, some truth from John Legend:



(Jaguars 19, Titans 13)

Signal Finder: TB @ PHI, STL @ BAL (end), KC @ SD, GB @ MIN






I mean, this is where we're headed, right? (Panthers 44, Redskins 16)



They didn't even get through the player intros. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That sweep's working wonders for the Eagles. Sanchez with a PROPER SLIDE! Huff's running through quite a few tackle attempts. Touchdown! There's a lot about these Bucs uniforms to dislike, and we've talked about some of them, but the numerals are the worst I've ever seen anywhere. It's worrisome that it's not Evans and Jackson who have been making the plays on this drive. That was underthrown.


Wait, Diehl, they only scored 10 points last week. Let's not talk about this offense being bogged down. Why did the Bucs punt there instead of trying a field goal? 53 yards isn't impossible. Hey, a Kenyon Barner sighting. Wait, Diehl did just retire two years ago and did play against this Eagles defensive line. Winston airmailed that one. Then after the offside call, Martin breaks one off. Wow, Carroll chased him down. Mike Evans is just too tall. Check that right heel, guys. Can we get a shot of that? I guess they don't have that angle. That was about a 10-step drop by Winston. That was expected. Obligatory cheesesteak B-roll. Fumble? Ah, the Bucs got it back to their relief. That was an awkward landing by Ertz on a play that didn't even get a first down. Jesus, Martin splintered the Eagles AGAIN. Delay of game? LOL. That's good pass pressure, but it would have been a tough pick for Jenkins with the ball behind him. That's another touchdown and things are getting out of hand fast.


MORE SPROLES, PLEASE. What's this foolishness? The Bucs are challenging the spot? He's still short. So now they go for it? Odd. Well, not really. That's a good throw by Winston. Jesus, that's, what, four potential turnovers the Eagles haven't come up with, including the last two plays in a row? That's a ridiculous catch by Sims in between defenders on a pass that shouldn't have been thrown, and a bad job by Kendricks and Maxwell both missing him. The more points the Bucs score, the worse this gets for the Eagles because you don't want to have to rely on Sanchez in a shootout.


Roughing the passer? Good job, Bucs. Someone remind Sanchez that Sproles is only about 5'7". Interception and I'll let you guess where Sanchez threw it. "Lackluster." Dick Stockton, the consummate professional. Remember when the Bucs would commit all these bad penalties and then shut down? It was only about three weeks ago. Now Cox is being attended to. Touchdown Bucs. Jesus H. Christ. Why punt, Chip? You know it's bad when the announcers are reading off credits at the start of the fourth quarter. Hey, a... well, not really a stop, but a wide-open receiver watching a pass go through his hands. Well at least it's only a field goal this time. I don't think this is a fumble, not that it matters. Why is this taking so long? And where's the urgency from the Eagles? Winston hasn't even played that well and he's got five touchdowns. Henry Burris is 40 years old, jut led an expansion team to the Grey Cup final, and he'd be the best quarterback on this field today. And that's a pick six. I know the NFC East is bad, but after Detroit on Thursday, the Eagles get the Bills, Patriots and Cardinals in a row. It's over. (Buccaneers 45, Eagles 17)

Yes, because I need to see the end of Rams-Ravens. The foregone conclusion, at that, because Tucker's not going to miss a third time.


What are the Ravens doing? Oh. And then afterwards Harbaugh announced that Flacco tore his ACL and is out for the year. Even when they win, they lose. Also, that foolishness with Case Keenum was a fireable offense. (Ravens 16, Rams 13)

This kid's name is what? Charcandrick? OK. It's a little surprising to me that the Chiefs' offense hasn't ground to a halt without Charles, given Alex Smith's limitations.


Missed conversion? Hot. Kelce got pasted on that touchdown catch. And he did hold on — the ball moved but never hit the ground. Wait, what? They reversed that? Oh, I was wrong — the ball did hit the ground. But the penalty still holds up, so it's still first down. Why are you kicking a field goal, Andy?
3rd and 23? Peters wasn't the receiver there but he looked like it. Maclin's been beat up the last couple weeks. First the dirty hit by T.J. Ward last week and then this (which, stunningly, wasn't called). That's a turnover and that's a touchdown for the Chiefs.


Another Chargers turnover. So many of these guys probably shouldn't be out here — they've just been wrecked by injuries. (Chiefs 33, Chargers 3)

I will never understand how the football team gets the new domed stadium and the baseball team has to play outdoors. Oh, that's a hand warmer. I thought a Packer's sock got ripped off. The Vikings probably shouldn't have punted. So after this penalty, the Vikings' defense has stood up here. There's a squirrel running wild out there? Good form; nice, long strides.


I miss throws downfield with accuracy.  Rudolph! Another missed extra point? HOT. Who's this dude? That fizzled out pretty fast. I love offensive holding on sacks. So fleek. Bridgewater just lost all that yardage back. Hey, there's the Eddie Lacy we haven't seen in a month. Is Buck's mic turned up? Pass protection appears to be optional. More field goals! Deflected punt? Yep. Bridgewater get hurt again? Who's their backup? Rodgers overthrew Jones pretty badly there. That's a stupid roughing penalty on the Vikings because it would have gotten them off the field. Yeah, that pass was going out of bounds regardless... Cobb had no shot even without the contact. Touchdown Packers! The kickoff went out of bounds? Oh. Well, Bridgewater's back, at least. Big run by Starks to open the second half. Rodgers just isn't connecting with his guys. Donut Club? That seems so Minnesota.


Why wouldn't you run the hell of the ball when you have Adrian Peterson? "Game managers" can't do that, either. Pass protection remains optional. It seems miraculous that the Packers have 19 points. This is a good drive by the Vikings, and a quick one. Peterson! Nice juggling act by James Jones. That... really isn't that close. That's a touchdown. Crazy throw by Rodgers on the run, too. AP coughs it up? That seems rare. (It's not. Not this year, anyway.) (Packers 30, Vikings 13)

FLEXING. And because the race started late, we might not get a pregame show.


This is not the time for a debris caution, NASCAR. Kyle Busch won? Shit. Maybe not the best start for Carson. Who even says "Louisiana State University"? 3rd and 24? Real smart, Jeremy Hill. That second pick was Dalton-at-night-esque. Eifert's already having a better game than he did on Monday night. Now Al and Cris are telling the story of Palmer's departure from Cincinnati. This isn't completely accurate — Palmer threatened to retire if he wasn't traded.


And about the change thing, Marvin Lewis is the only person who's gotten through to Mike Brown and convinced him to change things. Because, look, we all remember how terrible the Bengals have been. Things are better now. They're not what they ideally want to be, but it's... better. Another turnover? No, not this time. The Cardinals have a John Brown and a Jaron Brown, just to screw with us further. Here come the Cardinals. Touchdown and we're tied. Another dumb penalty on the Cardinals. Good spot to see that Jones went out of bounds there. GIO! He practically got crowdsurfed into the end zone. That's not a touchdown? Oh, OK, he was down. Touchdown Bengals. Someone blew an assignment and 14 on the Cardinals ran wild and free.


By comparison, the next one was just a good double move by John Brown.


Classic Freeney. Palmer's found himself. Is it just me or are the Cardinals too fast for the Bengals? That's a bad drop by Jones. 3rd and 26? They GOT it? Good job. Seriously. He's in , Mathieu. Let it go, dog. Not sure that's pass interference, necessarily. Oh, that's a fumble. Poor Dalton. Tate! Tate? Tate. Oh, they're saying he was down? God, this one's close. This could be the game right here. That feels like the right decision. Oh, that was the Cardinals' last time out? All-out blitz again. Did the Bengals fly in the Vikings and Packers' O-lines? Gio just rope-a-doped Powers. Green JUST missed that one, but three plays later makes a nice sliding catch. And Eifert scores a touchdown and pays for it. Now the Bengals will get the ball back with Patrick Peterson hobbled on the sideline. I feel like Gio's just better than Jeremy Hill. Hill can't do what Gio just did. And Green's out of bounds with the ball. No catch. Somebody gonna fix that thing? It's GOOD. We're tied. Jesus, Bengals. Get a pass rush or something. Fitzgerald's turning up like he's playing against the Eagles. Wait, what? WHAT? Unsportsmanlike conduct? He heard the player call out a fake snap count? I never even knew you could do that, much less that there was a rule against it. That feels so Belichickian. It's GOOD! (Cardinals 34, Bengals 31)



How long has Jerod Mayo been around? Whoa, Gronk didn't catch that? Interception! But will it stand? Nope; offsetting penalties. And of course the Patriots convert because THEY'RE THE PATRIOTS.
Wait, McCoy's never had three straight 100-yard games? That seems wrong. Is there an offensive player Brady can't make better? I'm not sure. Here comes the house and Brady had to abort. Chandler Jones not sacking Taylor there was kind of amazing. Williams got lucky to not lose that. That's the first play Patrick Chung's made in five years. I can read Brady's lips, and he is not praying. Wow, the Pats got burned by Laurence Maroney worse than they realized. They don't even bother drafting receivers any more. How the hell is that not grounding? Sack! Isn't Kevin Hogan the Stanford quarterback? And why does he have more catches than Sammy Watkins tonight? McCoy got hit as he tried to bring that in and McCourty got there JUST in time. CLANG! Snap and hold were fine. Carpenter just missed it. A Patriots touchdown is now likely. And that will help immensely. I TOLD YOU. I TOLD YOU THAT WOULD HAPPEN. THEY ARE THE LUCKIEST S.O.B.'S OF ALL TIME. Nice missed tackle, too, bro. How the hell do you get beat by James White?
Touchdown! Game over. Wait, WHAT happened? An inadvertent whistle? How do you blow the whistle in the middle of a play?


And now what's Rex mad about? And then Gostkowski MISSES THE FIELD GOAL. This isn't a touchdown either. Browns-Ravens? Looks like I'll be taking next Monday night off. Amendola! Again, great tackling by the Bills there. Did that ball break the plane? I'm not sure it did. Oh well. James White? Chris Harper? Who the HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE? Oh, it won't count. I feel like this Patriots offensive line isn't great.


PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'm amazed the Patriots didn't get a touchdown off of THAT. Never seen Brady throw to such a tightly covered receiver before, especially this Harper dude playing in his first-ever football game tonight. That's a tip and a pick by Gilmore, who may be the best player in the 2013 draft. That's why you get Watkins the ball. I mean, if Kevin Hogan can light up this secondary (which he just did AGAIN), I don't know what else to tell you. Now what? 4th and 10? This seems best.


Oh, Taylor's hurt? Definitely kick it now. Onside kick? With no time outs left? Well, at least they got the stop. McKelvin muffed THIS punt, too? Thank God he got it back or he'd have been cut tomorrow.


Get out of bounds, Taylor. Good job. Watkins caught that. This should be reversed. Taylor's still hurting. Bad drop, LeSean. That's not out of bounds? Really? Fix your game, Goodell. (Patriots 20, Bills 13)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (10-0) — 16-0, here we come again
2. Carolina (10-0) — Too easy
3. Arizona (8-2) — And who knew cardinals were that fast?
4. Cincinnati (8-2) — This one's on the defense

BOTTOM 4:
29. San Diego (2-8) — Is this really what you want, Los Angeles?
30. San Francisco (3-7) — Yes, it's as bad as it seems
31. Tennessee (2-8) — As anonymous a team as you'll find in sports
32. Cleveland (2-8) — Just can't get anything right
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Friday, November 20, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Cracked and Torn

Christmas has come early to MetLife Headquarters. My goodness.

If at first you don't succeed, fail a second time? Oh, it's raining. Hey Jets; Try running next time. Jesus, even the Bills are doing it. Four long passes, zero yards. SIX long passes, zero yards. (Actually, minus-9 yards if you figure in the penalty.) OH MY GOD A RUNNING PLAY. Which gets nothing. Manny Lawson's still alive? POSITIVE YARDAGE. Not a first down, but baby steps. Rex did not like that spot, and he's right to do so.


And then Ivory gets 40 yards on a screen. Why did the Jets completely abandon the run again? Two too-long routes into the end zone? The play calling tonight has sucked by everyone. Oh, hey, new kicker. Plenty of good seats still available. Meanwhile, the Bills still can't do anything right. I really do feel like Karlos Williams has been better than McCoy this season. Whatever the Bills were planning there, Wilkerson was aware of it. He blew that thing UP. And then Fitz throws an interception into traffic, which was returned into even more traffic. Kick it. Don't be stupid. The Jets fumbled the kickoff? Touchdown Bills! So much for 4-2. That's a clean fumble. Then the Bills shank the extra point, just more evidence of what kind of game this has been. This isn't worth your last challenge, Rex. And that's why... that next play may have been a fumble. Good job by McCoy to salvage what looked like a five-yard loss. And that field goal almost didn't make it, either. That's the worst sell job for a Thursday Night Football game ever. Of course, that's all Titans-Jaguars deserves.


Another Williams touchdown. The 6th straight game the rook has scored in. And there's another turnover by the Jets in a Bills game. WE HAVE A 22 ALERT. I REPEAT, WE HAVE A 22 ALERT. Hey, the Jets are moving the ball finally. Let's see how they screw it up. Well, some good hard running by Ivory there. Marshall straddles the sideline — while holding the ball kind of recklessly — and scores. Then the Bills ran an option with Taylor where he kept the ball and nobody realized it until after McCoy went down. Well that got stuffed. Look at Fitz running with the ball. Have the Jets found something in the running game again? And why didn't they do it when they weren't trailing by 12? Oh, they're helping Marshall off? I'm not sure I like the Jets punting here. OK, Decker had no business catching that one after the two he missed earlier.

The Jets needed more out of that drive than they got. What happened there? Oh, they fucked up the snap? OK.


Oh, Jets. Run a better play than that next time. (Bills 22, Jets 17)

Signal Finder: MIA @ PHI, MIN @ OAK, NE @ NYG

The Dolphins just didn't bother with the run game after that first play, did they? That pass to Miller took the air out of the place. Why is Celek outrunning this dude? Gannon: "You can't even get a replay in." Josh Huff just saved Bradford and everyone else by continuing to work.


Why do the Dolphins have a running back with a bad hand on kickoffs? Right, Kevin Harlan? The Dolphins may need a new center. SAFETY! Three weeks in a row! Is that a record? First time since the Seahawks in 1980. Thank you, CBS stats and graphics. That's the second time already that Celek's found space in this defense. Murray's found himself. It's remarkable how little impact Suh's had on this defense, which doesn't have a lot of talent behind the line, either. Now Mathews is on the move. Touchdown and this could get out of hand fast. The Dolphins don't believe in covering tight ends, apparently. Sturgis seemed to rush that kick and he hooked it. Some good blocking by the Dolphins offensive line on these Ajayi runs. That would have been a touch catch for Stills anyway. Good job by Maxwell to break it up. That fake pitch didn't fool Barwin, either. I'm not a fan of the inside underneath route down by the goal line. Too much traffic. Dolphins blocked the punt? That seemed inevitable. This has been a weird game so far, and that was before the double fumble. Wait, it should be first down Eagles, right? Now what are they doing? The Dolphins are challenging... something. That didn't clear ANYTHING up, Mike Carey.


Then the Dolphins lose excellent field position on an unsportsmanlike conduct flag. Oh hey, Agholor's back. That was disappointing. Big sack by Kendricks. So a bad interception is nullified by a bad roughing the passer call. Splendid. I don't get this. Another flag on the Dolphins? Clearly, the Dolphins didn't include "covering the tight ends" in their list of halftime adjustments. Really inauspicious beginning to this second half for both teams. No one's done anything right. That's a terrible snap. And there's a drop by Stills. And there's another holding penalty against the Eagles.


And now Bradford's down (Week 10 ticket holders, collect) and here comes Sanchez. Mathews salvages a first down out of that. The Eagles keep going backwards. Another punt. Maxwell got taken out by a teammate and that pass play gained 20 more yards because of it. Oh God. THIS again? The pass gets batted into orbit and Landry catches it. Jenkins had no idea where it was.


This is the most the Eagles' offense has moved since the first quarter. Austin JUST missed a touchdown — he was out of bounds by inches. Ertz! Wait, what? Illegal shift? FINE. Jordan Matthews just got drilled. They have to kick this, right? Right. Tannehill's hard count has fooled the Dolphins more than it has the Eagles. Another safety would be HILARIOUS. Though a good stop down there works, too. Feels like Sanchez knows how to beat the Dolphins, at least. OR NOT. Christ. Right into double coverage. And that's the throw that Sanchez has always turned into a mistake. Then Landry gets 18 yards on 3rd and 7.


Hey, a sack. That's cool. Two straight incompletions for Sanchez. Followed by a six-yard pass on 4th and 10. What the hell, man. (Dolphins 20, Eagles 19)

And that's not even the worst loss to a bad Florida-based NFL team today. So Winston fumbles going into the end zone with a minute left, but the Cowboys get called for holding, so they don't get the ball. Then Winston scores the game's only touchdown on a naked bootleg. Then Cassel throws an interception into the end zone where Dez complains about being pushed in the back — which he was — yet did less to fight for the ball than Miles Austin did on Sanchez's interception. This is all that's sustaining me right now. (Buccaneers 10, Cowboys 6)

And that's not even the worst loss to a bad Florida-based NFL team today. Here's what makes this the worst: In a league full of whiners about officiating, the Baltimore Ravens players and fans are the biggest offenders. And this time, they're absolutely right. (Jaguars 22, Ravens 20)

The Curse of Lambeau has been lifted! Go celebrate, Lions! Clean out all the cheese shops. Also, this is fantastic:


(Lions 18, Packers 16)

Myers and Ronde on the call? God help us. I know none of these Vikings pass catchers. Terence Newman's still playing? Not a good throw by Carr to a not-open receiver. Oh, right, the Vikings have Mike Wallace now. Rudolph just borked a touchdown pass. That went well. I mean, they still pay Adrian Peterson, right? Because, as we see on this next drive, he still has moves. He's leading the league in rushing, folks.
That's a good flag pickup — Smith's hit on Cooper was clean. Look at Murray just carrying the entire pile of Vikings. Did he get both feet in? Touchdown Raiders. That's the Cordarrelle Patterson that was fire his rookie year and hasn't done anything since. I'm with the announcers — I don't think catch interference needed to be thrown on that punt. This is ONLY 53 yards? Looks like 65. He missed? Oh. The Vikings are challenging to get a touchback? And they're not going to get it. I'm not even sure what the right decision was there. Impressive that punt wasn't blocked. Peterson over 100 yards again. Did someone get a piece of that kick? Sure did. Special teams have been weird in this game. That's a hot throw by Carr. NEWMAN! Great play by the ageless one. Carr's mad but his receiver just got outworked. And then Peterson breaks free and ends it. Having seen the Raiders the last two weeks, they've still got issues, but the worst is over. The Vikings? They're probably ahead of schedule. (Vikings 30, Raiders 14)


Blount is running over the Giants' defense so far. No wonder they just tried to sneak an extra guy out there. Touchdown... Chandler? OK. Beckham just torched Butler. Straight up set him on fire. That's the Patriots' biggest weakness. The Giants got a sack? Stop the presses! And possibly a touchdown-saving sack, at that. Edelman's shaken up? Yeah, and he's not happy about it. Eli just called or faked about 10 audibles. I mean, when Dwayne Harris and Myles White are making big catches on you, that's a problem. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. OPI on Gronk gets called? Madness.


The Giants managed a field goal, which is good for them. Seriously, who knew Edelman was so vital? And now the Giants are trying to take the lead into halftime. Who is Will Tye? That's terrible back-end play by the Patriots. Rutt's Hut B-roll? I'm amazed. Like, legit AMAZED. This is some outstanding punt coverage right here. So Amendola runs into a teammate and DRC's the one who got hurt? OK. That's the whole enchilada of potential calls there: pass interference, holding, personal foul, all of it. Blount scores the second time around. Randle seemed more interested in straddling the 40-yard line than advancing. My God. Someone tell Eli his brother's been benched. Butler was all over Beckham and may have gotten away with something. That's a good kick. Chandler just dropped a 30-yard completion, then Gronk shows him how it's done. Wait, what? Brady fumbled? Who's booing? This is nuts. Gronk just broke two tackles and two Giants collided, and the Patriots just grabbed the lead.


This is what happens when you ask Brandon Meriwether to cover someone. All LaFell had to do was catch it. (Of course, that's an adventure in itself.) WOW. That's the second really bad interception Brady's thrown in the last two weeks, and that one might cost more. Like I've been saying, the Patriots do have a fatal flaw, and it's their cornerback play. You can roast these guys. Aaaand... touchdown Beckham. Right? No? Not right? NO? I don't know. I don't. I don't know anymore.




Aw man, did Coughlin screw up the clock management again? I think he did, you guys. (Run the ball on second down. Seriously.) At least Eli took the sack this time and they made the Patriots burn their time outs. Field goal is good, but it's not ideal, know what I mean? OMG Landon Collins just let the game slip out of his hands. That would have been an amazing interception. That spin move by Amendola got the Patriots at least five more yards. Why ice Gostkowski? It's not going to work. It's GOOD.


In retrospect, it wasn't the clock management the Giants blew there; it was what happened afterwards. Against Brady and Gostkowski, you need a touchdown there and they didn't get it.


I should be happy because the Giants losing means the Eagles still have a shot, but... fuck, man. (Patriots 27, Giants 26)

I mean, my personal rule has always been that if you throw four interceptions in a game that are clearly your fault, you take a seat. I guess you have to apply that to everyone. Still, two weeks ago Peyton Manning was carving up the Packers. Now we're... here.


(Chiefs 29, Broncos 13)



You know, I'm just noticing how the green screen effects aren't the greatest. Good to see Ricardo Lockette up and around. Quick pass to Fitzgerald, who doubles back, circles around, and reverses up the other side. How did that NOT fail spectacularly? The Cardinals don't care. They fear no one, and they shouldn't. Interception! Remember what I said before about inside routes inside the 5? Was that ball tipped? This is a touchback. The Seahawks are playing like they didn't want it to be a touchback. That's a safety, right? Russ get away with that a LOT. Someone failed to cover Fitzgerald and I'm betting it was Cary Williams. YEP. Cardinals settle for three. What was Wilson thinking? SAFETY. Again, the Cardinals are not showing any fear of this defense. Sure, that play to Brown didn't stand. But guys have been open in this Seahawks secondary so far. The ambulance is out for Iaupiti? Wow. I can't even tell what happened to him. And the Seahawks just went through this. That's a really good catch by Floyd for the touchdown.


The Seahawks have had no offense tonight and Collinsworth just made a good observation: Where's the read option? Peterson made a business decision on that punt return. That's a great play by Floyd. Don't challenge this, Pete. Wait, the Cardinals are challenging this? Oh, that might be a touchdown. It is! Finally the Seahawks get a play. Graham!? OHHH he lost it. Then Mathieu gets shoved to the ground by Graham while holding on to him. That could have gone either way, honestly. Touchdown by whoever this is. This Cardinals 2-minute drill isn't quite on point. Yeah, he's down. Wait, how is that not a catch and fumble? Wait, I shouldn't ask that question.


Wait, the announcers knew New York was reviewing it before the officials did? That's ludicrous. How has this not been addressed? Collinsworth's telling all the truth right now about this. "Basically, 'stands' means 'we don't know either.'" That's a great pick by the Honey Badger. Well, they salvaged a field goal, which is OK. Good catch and run by Baldwin. And another one for a touchdown. No need to go for two yet. Wow, that was offsides. Some home cooking there. That spot seems generous, too. That's a fumble. I'm not sure he wasn't tackled, though? Yeah, he should be down at the 2. The Cardinals have turned into the Cardinals we all grew up watching. There's the old Beast Mode.


Not sure I would have gone for two there, either. Spoonman! ANOTHER fumble? Touchdown Seahawks! JEBUS.




That seems to have shocked the Cardinals awake. They're hurting the Seahawks through the air again. Jermaine Gresham? OK. Cards back in front. Now Russ scrambles and no one covers Baldwin, who gets 20 yards. Honey Badger just dropped an interception. Cary getting beat again. Figures.


And Ellington just turns on the jets and slams the door. Wow. Settle yourself, Stanton. That Baltimore game ain't gonna be on Sunday night, Al. So a meaningless field goal. OK. This was a statement. (Cardinals 39, Seahawks 32)


That's a good punt. Real good. If Clowney could ever get on the field, it would help the Texans defense so much — as it is, teams just put 8 guys on Watt and say screw the rest of these scrubs. That's a good punt return. Real good. Too bad it won't count. So that doesn't matter, I guess. They've really figured out how to use Eifert in this offense. He's their de facto No. 2 receiver. That kind of petered out. This Carr conversation is interesting — I absolutely believe that David's failure in Houston scared the Texans off of Derek, as unfair as that is. Pacman took a knee to the head. Ouch. You can't leave Brian Hoyer with that big of a running lane. Those are good stops.


Yeah, that's holding. Not much going on tonight. That holding penalty really set the Bengals back. Hail Mary! Intercepted, I think. Kirkpatrick just missed an interception. Dalton put too much on that pass, but Joseph had to juggle it twice before picking it. It's too bad the Texans can't sustain anything or this would be more of a game. As it is, it feels like a Bengals surge is inevitable. T.J. Yates is back? What?


Hey, a Chris Polk sighting. Big first down there. Touchdown Hopkins!! Do we know what happened to Hoyer? This ball hit the ground but the old Andy Dalton has resurfaced in a big way tonight. Eifert didn't have to jump and it caused him to drop another one. Dalton could have run for it and gotten there. Why are the Bengals punting? Hoyer got a concussion? Oh. I still maintain that Texans team Yates had to take over could have made the Super Bowl had Matt Schaub been healthy (when Schaub went down, Matt Leinart was the backup and he got hurt in HIS first start.) A.J. Hawk! Haven't heard that name in a few years. Eifert drops another one?


Wow. Green caught that one, fortunately. And Green comes through again on 4th down — OR DOES HE? That's... it's Texans' ball either way because Green wasn't down. That's such a Bengals way to lose. (Texans 10, Bengals 6)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (9-0) — 16-0, here we come again
2. Carolina (9-0) — Dance on 'em
3. Arizona (7-2) — I thought cardinals were non-violent birds
4. Cincinnati (8-1) — Suddenly I'm surrounded by pumpkins

BOTTOM 4:
28. (tie) Dallas (2-7) — "Leadership"
28. (tie) Baltimore (2-7) — Seriously, what happened?
30. Tennessee (2-7) — So much salt, though
31. Detroit (2-7) — You can't try harder to lose a game and then NOT lose it
32. Cleveland (2-8) — Got a nasty surprise in Pittsburgh
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Saturday, November 14, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Prevailing Wins

I'm glad Joe Thomas thinks things will turn around. I mean, he's the only one, but still. The Browns are offering token resistance. They can measure all they want, Sanu didn't get this. So right after Simms talks about how Jeremy Hill hasn't gotten rolling, he bulls his way to a first down. Eifert! Hey, a running game from the Browns. They'll blow this, right? Well, sort of. Dude on the Browns just threw a block with his head. Taunting? Again? Again, the Browns can't stop any of this. 4th and 2? Green drops a screen pass. AND THE BROWNS WERE OFFSIDES. And it's the guy who got flagged for taunting on the first play of this drive. Dalton somehow finds Eifert in traffic.


Why is Gary Barnidge the Browns' second-best player? Manziel just ran this whole thing. He escaped and found Johnson in the end zone. Somehow I'm not sure Marvin said "doggone." Heh, Simms isn't buying it, either. That Manziel pass to Crowell from out of the end zone looked like it went about 5 yards farther than it did. This spot is a gift. That reversal is correct. I think that punt was almost blocked, too, and I think that's the second time it's almost happened tonight. This game hasn't been all that interesting but it's not awful. The Bengals are doing that thing again where they seem gun-shy to test the opposing defense deep.


This seems like an easy reversal, too — it sure looks like Tate was touched. Sanu hit 'em with a reverse? That was almost guaranteed to work.


That quarterbacks graphic explains sooooo many things. Good to see the Bengals using Bernard more again. Can we get Eifert's stats side-by-side with Gronk's? They have to be close. YES YES THE SAM WYCHE RANT YES YES.

And this punt IS blocked. Not surprising: both guys have been playing with fire all night. Did Nantz say that was the Browns' first first down of the second half? There's 3 minutes left! This is your reminder that the Browns could have drafted Beckham/Watkins/Cooks and Bridgewater, and instead took Justin Gilbert at No. 9 to be their fourth cornerback, and Manziel, who can't play and has a drinking problem. YOUR Cleveland Browns, ladies and gentlemen. Meanwhile, the Bengals are 8-0.

(Bengals 31, Browns 10)

Signal Finder: OAK @ PIT, WSH @ NE, STL @ MIN (4th), DEN @ IND

I haven't seen the Raiders pull off a drive like that in YEARS. Ben launched a rocket on 4th and 4 and it worked. Brown's been all over this drive. Interesting that the Steelers are going for two again. Latavius Murray's 6-3? Huh. A good punt followed by a bad one and the Raiders are starting where we left them. You know who's good is Amari Cooper. That's the second time this game that Woodson has had to come out. And there's Brown with another big catch already. Now it's 4th and 1 from the 3 and the Steelers have a dilemma. They go for it and score. Waste of a drive by the Raiders. And just like that, the Steelers are in field goal range.


Fumble? Mike Mitchell out here cheating. So after that, the Raiders get to punt? Cool. Someone got a piece of that. This rookie Roberts has two big catches — the Raiders really didn't want to cut him after preseason and risk losing him and I'm sure they're glad they didn't. Touchdown Raiders! That interception was... unfortunate. That didn't even look like that hard a hit on Murray. Oh, I see it now — Mitchell stripped the ball away. DeAngelo Williams has fit in well in Pittsburgh.


That pass just barely hit the ground before the Steelers got their hands on it. Fouts: "Franco would have caught that." Remember what I just said about DeAngelo Williams? Yeah. Bryant made about three moves on that touchdown. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That didn't take long, either. No one knows who these guys are and it's kind of cool. Ben's hurt again? I can understand the Raiders punting here because they're pinned so deep. Muffed punt? Raiders ball! Interception! Bad decision by either Carr or the receiver to end up with double coverage. I'm surprised to see the Steelers still being so aggressive with Jones in for Roethlisberger with a lead. Snap the ball, Raiders. WOW. Beautiful pass from Carr to Crabtree for the tie. I don't get this play calling by the Steelers. THAT I get. Brown's having a ridiculous day. 284 receiving yards? And Woodson didn't have a good angle on him or he could have stopped him sooner. Either that or Brown ran out of breath. Then Williams ALMOST scores. Four seconds left? That's unintentional trolling at its best. It's GOOD! (Steelers 38, Raiders 35)

The Rams have been keeping Legatron busy, it seems. He's hit from 61? Austin just barely averted disaster with that failed reverse. It is LOUD there. Well, here it is. He MISSED? His leg must be show. WOW, it is LOUD. That's some terrible clock management by the Vikings but far from the worst we've seen today. (Hello, Jets and Dolphins at the end of the first half.) Did the Rams just get called for holding while already in precarious field position? They're gonna lose this game twice. Or maybe not, as he made this one. We're tied. The Rams' only captain is Animal Jr.? The Vikings took the wind, which is interesting, but maybe a little less so with overtime not being immediate sudden death any more. I don't blame Mike Zimmer in the least. That hit on Bridgewater was dirty as hell. (Vikings 21, Rams 18, OT)



That's the second week in a row the Panthers have successfully played with fire. It's also the second week in a row that in-stadium signage has been confiscated. And what's happened to the Packers? (Panthers 37, Packers 29)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Here's what I'm talking about with the Patriots: I expected Dion Lewis to catch that 3rd down pass and score. I could not believe he dropped it. And of course they go for it on 4th and get it. Edelman got drilled. I'm amazed he held on. Touchdown and Edelman had to work for that one. Wait, what? Did the Patriots just onside kick after the first score of the game? That's SO disrespectful. Then they get an interception after losing a fumble. Twelve men on the field and you still can't get a hand on Blount? Pack it up. Then Carrier lets Cousins down less than easy with that drop. The hell? That's one of the worst interceptions I've ever seen Brady throw. That was Cousins-esque. Good recovery by that dude who Desean had beat. Then Chandler Jones sacks Cousins. What are the Redskins doing? Are they even still in field goal range? 4th and 11? Another drop. That penalty's the only reason it's only 17-0 instead of 21-0. And it's not getting better. Huh, the Redskins are moving the ball. Let's see how they screw this up. 2nd and goal from like the 24 is one way to do it. Oh, it's only the 14. My bad. The Redskins needed a touchdown and, of course, didn't get it. They lost Edelman again. That floater into the end zone wasn't going to work. I'm not sure how Lewis got hurt there — it looks like Baker just swiped at him and missed, but he went down somehow. What could the Redskins possibly be challenging here? I hate that screen pass call. They called Gronk for a hold? OK. Brandon Bolden just ran past four guys. Then he caught a touchdown pass. What the hell is John Lynch talking about? What progress does he see with the Redskins? They don't have a coach or a quarterback (though Cousins has been decent today, he's just gotten zero help). Even Burkhart's checked out. He just confused a flag for a shoe. (Patriots 27, Redskins 10)

Amazingly, it's 10-0 Colts. No idea where Peyton was throwing that one. The three closest guys to that ball were Colts. Hilton wasn't supposed to play until about two hours before kickoff. Frank Gore still runs tough. That's a long stretch for the touchdown and it's 17-0. Something pissed the Colts off, apparently. Oh, that's right — I forget Vernon and Vontae Davis are brothers. (Vernon is wearing No. 80, FYI.) How many first downs do the Broncos even have? Two? Do they even have that many? Nantz always looks like he's calling a golf tournament. Punt return? What? The Broncos just got an 83-yard punt return to end the first half. That's... that's incomplete, right? That's a vintage Peyton throw and Sanders beat two guys to score.


Suddenly this game is competitive. Griff Whalen's becoming a thing? Griff Whalen should never become a thing. That leap seemed unnecessary, Bradshaw. What record's Peyton trying to break? Oh, THAT one. He's doing a good job of it, that's for sure. Owen Daniels catches a touchdown pass and we're tied again. That's a bad kickoff. Viniatieri kicks his age with ease and he just nailed a 55-yarder. And there's another strange interception of a Peyton pass. Whalen with another big catch. Who's letting this happen? That was a LOT of stupid by Talib right there. He's nowhere near the play, yet he decides to come over and poke Allen in the eye while WEARING GLOVES? So it's ultra-obvious to EVERYONE? Now the Colts are set up perfectly for a field goal to potentially ice this. It's GO— what? Defensive holding? THE COLTS TOOK THE POINTS OFF THE BOARD. That practically runs the clock out. Pretty sure nobody saw this result coming. (Colts 27, Broncos 24)

This Week It Sucks To Be:




(49ers 17, Falcons 16)


This is what we need more of. More bands. That was... odd. That was also odd. Why catch that punt? Dez torched Carroll, who then missed the tackle and allowed him to get 15 more yards. Really? You're calling time outs already? McFadden got it. Then Beasley embarrassed Jenkins with a spin move for a touchdown. What's with these military-style coaches' attire? Miles Austin to the rescue after two plays that go absolutely nowhere.


The Cowboys defense hasn't hit anyone that hard in months. That pick's been getting called more often this year. The Cowboys' backup corners are legitimately better than their starters. Riley Cooper got a shave and a cut? So let's establish: Mathews is better for this offense than Murray is, and Foles is better for this offense than Bradford is. Hey, first and goal. Bradford threw that too high. Good non-challenge. That's a good play by Byron Jones, who's one of those backup corners who's better than the Cowboys' starters. Go for it, Chip. Touchdown Murray. Are we kicking this extra point or not? Oh, OK. The FC Dallas game is far more exciting at this moment — two goals within a minute at the end of regulation. WHAT! How did Cassel get away and how did Williams catch that? Oh, that's how. As you were. Yeah, Williams may have saved a pick there. This was followed by an illegal shift. That's a good stop.


When the hell does MLS end? December? That was a weird-looking handoff. Some good runs on this drive. Johnson's hurt? They don't need that. They don't need that penalty, either. That... didn't make any sense. Just take a knee if you're going to do that. I thought Collinsworth wasn't going to comment on it. But, like, that's literally the only reason the players union exists, because DeMaurice Smith has been as bad a leader as Goodell has for the other side. (And the shitty North Carolina rules that overturns a conviction because the victim doesn't show up for a appeal hearing also needs to be called out.)


Brandon Graham gets penalized 15 yards for being a dumb ass. Sean Lee's hurt AGAIN? Christ. Hey, Murray's back — they were stretching him out earlier. And he just saved Bradford on that one. Jordan Matthews caught a pass? Touchdown Ryan Mathews. Now who's hurt? It doesn't feel like Graham's done a lot this year and it does feel like he's done a lot tonight. Cole Beasley's the Cowboys' most productive offensive player tonight. That's problematic... for both sides. The joke about that McFadden stat is that it's the first time in his career he's played three consecutive games. HEYO! Seriously, why is Beasley the Cowboys' best player in a tied game?



IT'S RAINING IN JERRYWORLD. Did a plastic bag just fly in? What was that? Seriously, why is Beasley the Cowboys' best player in a tie game? JORDAN HICKS, COWBOY KILLER. Classic Cowboys quarterback interception. Seriously, dude wasn't supposed to play this year, much less do this. Splendid kickoff coverage, Eagles. Grape job. Wait, NOW WHAT? That's the second time Cassel's done that tonight! That's ridiculous. What do you even do about that? That may be the shortest Hail Mary of all time.


Good catch by Ertz. It's happening again in fits and starts. If this game was in Philadelphia they'd be... suspicious... of this injury. ESPECIALLY after the second one. That... may have worked under a different set of circumstances. Kick it. (That second Cardinals game was flexed, by the way.) Witten's been doing that for years. The Eagles needed a turnover at this point — Bailey's not going to miss this. I didn't realize there was that little time left. Wow, Jordan Matthews ran free there. Sean Lee OFFICIALY out. There's two minutes left. So. 53. GOT IT.


Here we go. How does Cassel have 11 game-winning drives? Thurmond broke that up. He's far exceeded expectations. McFadden only gets five. And Williams converts. That seems like a bad call. THAT one is horrible.


False start? Good job, Cowboys. Yeah, that's holding. Oh God, we're going to overtime. That was closer than it should have been.


OK, Murray's asserting himself. Matthews is stopped short. God, now what? 4th and 3 from the Dallas 43? A shotgun run? What? Mathews got it and FUMBLED? Jesus. Oh thank God he's down and it's obvious. Cris: "The Eagles fans are cheering. You can tell." Well, there are no loud cheers in this stadium. JORDAN MATTHEWS!!!!


That's a relief. (Eagles 33, Cowboys 27, OT)

Lot of remainders left here. Good job by Verrett to get his arms up and mess with Jeffrey's vision. Gould missed? That doesn't happen. Also, there's very little left of the Bears' defense. Nice coverage on Woodhead, guys. snark Is this a fumble? It sure is. This seems like a good night for Melvin Gordon to do something.


Malcom Floyd's hurt again? Neither of these teams can afford to lose anybody else.
That's uncalled for. So that's a catch and a fumble. Who wants to try to figure out how this will be ruled incomplete? Oh, it stood. Was that the NEXT PLAY? That's partially on Jeffrey for letting Verrett push him off the route.


And Jay Cutler is now the Bears' all-time leader in touchdown passes. Tirico calling the Bears a "ground-based organization" would seem a bit hilariously over the top for any other franchise. Gordon hasn't rushed for 408 yards this SEASON yet? Man, things really have gone south. Did that say 2nd and 37? And now it's 3rd and 26. This'll end well. Bears stay being stupid out here in these streets. They just gave the Chargers three points. Dude had Bennett in a chicken wing and got away with it. Stop throwing that pass, Cutler. Gould missed AGAIN?!? Rivers throws to no one on third down. That's the loudest this crowd has been all night outside of the Gould misses. And the Bears convert. It's weird to see this offense working this well. Touchdown? No. NOW touchdown.


That field goal was large. The Chargers can't afford to lose anybody else. Good catch by Jeffrey in traffic. The Bears are rolling. Touchdown! Do Cutler and Rivers still hate each other? I'm not sure anymore. So Rivera has been sacked twice in three plays, and in between the guy who did it lined up offside. 4th and 23? This won't work. (Bears 22, Chargers 19)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (8-0) — Getting by with a B performance
2. Cincinnati (8-0) — It's all happening
3. Carolina (8-0) — Survive and survive again
4. Denver (7-1) — But now a more distant fourth

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tennessee (2-6) — Though this may say more about the Saints team they beat
30. Cleveland (2-7) — I know I ask this all the time, but what's the plan here?
31. Jacksonville (2-7) — Mistakes were made (in the endgame)
32. Detroit (1-7) — They may have lost to the bye week
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Thursday, November 5, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Top o' the Mountain To Ya

You're pimping next week's game before this one kicks off? Slow your roll, NFL Network. God, these poor kids. I'd give the Dolphins a fighting chance if the game was in Miami. And of course the Patriots convert a 3rd and 16 on a screen pass. Gronk just blew up the Dolphins' zone. Why are we watching golf balls being made? Oh, they're specially branded. The Dolphins' offense actually looks like an NFL offense now, and rediscovering Lamar Miller has been a big part of that. Is Dion Lewis the new Kevin Faulk?


Seriously, they are really pushing Browns-Bengals like it's not gonna be a massacre. And it's the first game that won't be simulcast on CBS. I'm surprised this drive stalled the way it did. Someone screwed up that snap. Safety! I'm surprised the Patriots didn't run another quarterback sneak. Whoa, that kick was a wobbler. And the Dolphins respond (?) with a terrible punt, giving the Patriots the ball at midfield, practically. Nice job covering Edelman, guys. There's a long way to go yet. For the Dolphins, I mean. And not in this game, but in general, still.Stills beat his man but doesn't finish the play. You can't miss those chances against this secondary, which may be the Patriots' only weakness. Well, they tried it again and it worked. Touchdown!


More Gronk. Oh boy, Wake's being helped off? That's bad. That's a good example of Campbell just doing things that Philbin wouldn't do and them working. Tannehill's hot streak seems to have ended. And now this looks to be getting out of hand. I don't think Edelman ever hit the turf. Nope. Touchdown. Two straight sacks? Whatever. The Dolphins are just offering token resistance now. That's another instance of Edelman staying off the ground just long enough. That's... not easy to do. (Patriots 36, Dolphins 7)

I don't know which have been worse: the Thursday night games or the London games. (Chiefs 45, Lions 10)

Signal Finder: CIN @ PIT, NYG @ NO, SEA @ DAL

Coming back to these wasn't the best idea, necessarily. Do the players even like these uniforms?


Antonio Brown's been resuscitated. Dalton looks sharp. The rest of the offense... not completely. Feels like the time out messed up their rhythm — Eifert usually catches that. That ball to Heyward-Bey hung up so long I'm surprised it wasn't intercepted, much less that DHB almost made a play on it. Why is CBS showing this again? Oh, they think Ben got hit. Did Pacman do something dumb? Well, yes. These refs need louder whistles — that's the second time in this game that the whistle's blown a play dead before the snap and they ran it anyway.


Bell's down? That's bad — he's the one guy they cannot afford to lose. The Bengals have to go up top at some point to push this Steelers' defense. This report on Bell doesn't sound good. Marvin Jones got drilled. Only thing dirty about that was the impact. The Bengals have an offensive lineman split out wide? That snap on 3rd and 2 was frighteningly bad. Maybe the worst I've seen. The Bengals are swarming around Roethlisberger on this series. Most quarterbacks don't even get that pass off. And that time Roethlisberger's deep ball didn't work. What's up with that echo in the stadium? A flag and two sacks later it's 3rd and 34. More stupid Bengals penalties. Look at all the time Ben has. Heh. After the big pass play to Green, Eagle said "We've been waiting to see it" just as I was thinking it. Man, I might have gone for it here if I was the Bengals. I'm... not seeing that one. BLOCKED! I know it's still the third quarter but that feels daggerish. Tomlin stared intently at the video board and you saw him nod afterwards. They'll win this challenge if this isn't a Pac-12 crew. They won the challenge. That's close but I think if Eifert has it, he has the first down by forward progress. The Bengals are in the red zone! STOP THE PRESSES. Bad read by Dalton. There was too much traffic in that corner and Blake had an easy shot at a pick. Now it's over. ANOTHER bad snap? What's going on there? Green got hit and he lost the ball, and Mitchell ended up with it. Now it's definitely over. OR IS IT? The Bengals just intercepted Roethlisberger after he stopped and tried to direct traffic for 10 seconds. Gio! The Bengals' other problem is that they've become one-dimensional in the red zone, but with passes. But THAT one worked.


And Roethlisberger's now thrown back-to-back picks. Smart to kick the field goal here. Roethlisberger's been hit a lot for a guy who just came back from injury. Those two yards almost weren't worth it. Why was Bryant so open there? (Bengals 16, Steelers 10)

The Saints' defense lost track of a running back? I'm stunned. Andre Williams gets stuffed twice. Why not Darkwa? He was red hot last week. Of course, Beckham's always an acceptable option. I feel like Payton would have challenged that, and Coughlin was smart enough not to. FLEA FLICKER! Ingram almost fell down. That's a tremendous punt. It really is. Brees is lighting up this Giants defense so far. Is Ben Watson having a career year right now? And Cooks just beat the same guy again for another touchdown. Oh, Moose. Who dressed you? There's Darkwa. He's been their best back in the last five quarters. Wait, Donnell didn't score on that? That's weird. We could be headed for a basketball score already. Darkwa got STONEWALLED. Touchdown Beckham. That's a hard set of patterns to run without accidentally setting a pick.


SOMEONE blew a coverage. First a sack, then a fumble the Giants were lucky to get back. Brad Wing is killing it right now. The Saints offense is doing whatever it wants. Man, Robinson's STILL down? That's bad. Snead may have been the third option on that play. Regardless, it's another Saints touchdown. Brandon Browner's legitimately stupid, isn't he? Beckham tries to get too fancy sometimes. Now Dwayne Harris is on a cart? What's going on in there? Is the Superdome haunted? The Saints got fooled again on the Vereen touchdown. And the Giants come out of the locker room and almost immediately tie it. Beckham, again, of course. These two games couldn't be more different. And the Saints just took the lead back. Did time pass? It's not a good hold when you get rolled over. With Donnell hurt, do the Giants have any tight ends left? Fumble! That's the first play Jairus Byrd's made with the Saints if that was even him. Then Brees got overconfident and sailed a high throw into double coverage. Jennings runs through five tackles, then two more on the screen pass. Hey, a defensive stop! Haven't seen one of those since the opening damn drive and the Giants did that. They haven't stopped anything since, not the run or the pass. Touchdown Watson.


And a penalty wipes out a Giants turnover. Fourth down? Why not? No one can stop the other. Harris! TOUCHDOWN. And the second one he scored to tie the game was even more ridiculous.
That's the hardest DRC's hit someone in five years, and that return gave the Giants the lead.


Jesus, don't punt, Payton. Ingram dives and gets it easily. It wasn't that gutsy, Moose. I don't know why the Saints are letting the clock run down here. A sweep by Ingram? OK. Spiller! TOUCHDOWN AND WE'RE TIED.


This isn't gonna end on a punt return of all things, is it? Oh, OK. Wait, now there IS a penalty? Face mask against the Giants? Face mask ON THE PUNTER.


The Saints are in field goal range! IT'S. GOOD. Lawrence Taylor just threw up in his grave. (Saints 52, Giants 49)

THAT'S how Reggie Bush got injured? That's ridiculous. Between concrete on the sideline and the turf catching fire, no wonder the Rams want out. (Rams 27, 49ers 6)

I imagine FOX was hoping these teams were at least decent when they set this schedule up. At least Dez is back. Darren McFadden's been juvenated in Dallas. Maybe he belongs in a rotation.


Was this even a catch? Oh who the hell knows. Looks like a fumble to me but who knows anymore. Even Aikman doesn't know. "That's anybody's guess to me." Incomplete.


Aikman: "Cary Williams has struggled at times." Like, what, his entire career? Bryant saved Cassel from an interception that would have been partially Bryant's fault. Let's see if Willson actually got in here. Yeah, looks like it. On second thought, maybe not. Oh. OK. Touchdown. Hey, a Christine Michael sighting.


McFadden has a better deep ball than Cassel. Wait, what? Everyone's confused. You can't call back-to-back time outs, but the clock already stopped, so, you know. I mean, like Brenneman's explaining right now, that's against the rules.


Greg Hardy's limping off? That's a shame. The Seahawks handled that sequence very strangely. Oh man, Ricardo Lockette grabbed at his leg before he got drilled. And he crumpled. EVERYBODY CALM DOWN. Seriously, this is NOT the time to spark an incident. How is that a blindside hit? It was head-on. It is eerily quiet in there right now. Not like it is usually is during Cowboys games... this is scarier. I think he just nodded his head, and he moved his hands, which is a good sign. That's a hell of a concussion if that's the case. Wait, why did Aikman go down to the field at halftime? Is there not a bathroom up there at press level? (I mean, I'd believe that.) Cassel out here doing his Danny Woodhead impression. Sherman's pitching a shutout against Bryant. Bailey's not missing this. Neither of these offenses are exactly impressing, and this is a case where it's not really great defense causing it. McFadden got dehydrated? What's all that Gatorade for then? Hey, Dez made a catch. Neither he nor Sherman knew who that was on. How is that even a flag, though? That's the second time Bryant's saved a pick and the second time on this drive that Cassel's been hit hard. I feel like we haven't heard much from Lynch today either. Or Graham, but that's par for the course now. Hardy breaks up the screen and intercepts it. OK. At least the Cowboys are missing their quarterback who, for all his flaws, has not been their biggest problem for several years now.


Russ is carrying the Seahawks offense right now. Like, literally. No one else is touching the ball. (Well, except for Baldwin on that catch.) Claiborne and Carr almost collided. The Seahawks are gonna pull this directly out of their asses, aren't they? Sure looks like it. Cassel... what? That was hilarious. 4TH AND 21. Great call, Brenneman. (Seahawks 13, Cowboys 12)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 2. The Falcons; 3. The Jets; 4. The Bears; 5. The Chargers; 6. The Browns.

I'M PEYTON MANNING. Even though it didn't work, good move by the Broncos to establish a lack of fear of throwing. Eddie Lacy's ankle seems fine. Did Rodgers not like his time at Cal or something? He never shouts them out in these intros. A false start on Bhaktari? I'm stunned. I guess C.J. Anderson doesn't play any more. Oh, wait, I'm wrong. Might wanna cover Thomas, guys. That's a touchdown. The Broncos are finding ways to weave through the Packers' defense. You're not fooling anyone, Andre Caldwell. Then Hillman finds the corner and the Broncos are up 14.


Not sure how Rodgers didn't see Adams either, Cris. This is the Packers' best drive and it doesn't feel like they've gone anywhere. That would have been fourth down if not for that penalty. Nice moves by Cobb. Has Lacy put on weight since he got hurt? I mean it's possible. When you have a back that big, there's not real reason to make him bounce outside. Yeah. You do THAT. That ball's out. But I guess the Packers got it back? Looks like it. Rodgers just ran a leg of the 400. The Packers seem to have found something with this running game early in the second half but they'll need more of it. And now they're down two corners for the night. Look at that passing yardage discrepancy. Not what you'd expect.


It's the Broncos who have been getting the touchdowns on the ground. And they were worried about their running game. I mean, Cobb's biggest play tonight has been a run. Are the Packers really down to one time out in the middle of the third quarter? Oh, McCarthy, you card. I agree with Cris's assessment. The Broncos have owned the middle of the field because they've run the ball and gotten their play action to work. That's not an interception. Safety? Safety! That's actually smart by Richard Rodgers to just take a knee after all that chaos. I don't think I've ever seen Aaron Rodgers play worse. (Broncos 29, Packers 10)

That's some weather there. Fumbled snap? Fumbled snap. Oh, this is bad. Luck gets bull rushed and throws a bad interception. This could be over by halftime. Jerricho Cotchery's still doing things. Newton's a damn battering ram. Gotta go for this, right? I'm surprised they didn't give it to Cam again. Stewart almost got stopped twice and still scored. That's a good run by Bradshaw. They're not booing: they're saying "Luke." Seriously, what's happened to Luck? Allen was wide open and that pass was off target. A punter should never be a bright spot. This is close but I think Newton's down. Did that get knocked down? Oh, hey, a Trent Cole sighting.


Another turnover? Oh, the Colts got it back, at least. This weather is perfect for the Panthers and the exact opposite for the Colts. Hey, a completed pass. Man, this weather is going to screw everything up.


Now the Colts have recovered a fumble. You could have called pass interference on both of those plays, but Luck threw into double coverage (again) on the second one. You can tell how bad the weather is because the picture is dulled. Bradshaw got nothing and hated it. BANG! Ginn missed one earlier, and I wasn't sure he was going to get this one but he did. There's another one for Ginn, but why isn't he going out of bounds? And it won't count anyway. How the HELL did Newton escape? He was box stratted and ran for 10 yards. It's worth noting that the Colts have crossed midfield, what, three times tonight? And Hilton doesn't have a catch? Wild. Tirico just called Gruden out on calling it the "Oh, shucks" screen. Once again, the Colts are getting pushed around. How many snaps have been fumbled tonight? Just the snaps. I'm not even talking about everything else. And I didn't even realize the Panthers were running with a backup center. That wasn't a very good punt, McAfee. Get up there, Greg Olsen! We just had moonshine shown on Monday Night Football. I'm surprised they're showing these protesters considering they never show guys who rush the field.




KURT COLEMAN FOR MVP. Seriously, this is his best game ever. Olsen, Brown, game over. Or not, maybe? We have an Andre Johnson sighting. And another one. That was QUICK. Turns out that protest was AGAINST a bank, so. Are the Colts driving again? This is kind of ridiculous. Touchdown Colts. And then the defense gets a stop. And Luck throws into traffic. SNAP THE BALL. Griff Whalen? Really? Yes, really. Great play by Josh Norman to break that up. Are the Panthers playing zone? Good job by Luck to run out of bounds. The Colts are going for the win, guys. Whalen got out of bounds? I don't THINK so. Wow! Keuchly ALMOST intercepted that. I mean, Viniatieri's not missing this. You know that.


The Panthers' defense looks tired. Another make by Viniatieri. How did Brown catch that? SPEED 2 drops a sure touchdown, because of course he does.




Another great catch by Olsen, who's been making the Bears look foolish for trading him ever since it happened. Ginn redeems himself and this field goal will re-tie the game. Tipped interception to Keuchly!


52-yard attempt for Gano? IT'S GOOD!!!!! (Panthers 29, Colts 26, OT)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (7-0) — Stopping rivals in their tracks since 2002
2. Cincinnati (7-0) — As Collinsworth said, the Bengals never win that game
3. Carolina (7-0) — Survive and survive
4. Denver (7-0) — Vintage Peyton, if only for one night

BOTTOM 4:
29. San Francisco (2-6) — No. Not Blaine Gabbert. No.
30. Jacksonville (2-5) — The tale of Sisyphus comes to mind
31. Tennessee (1-7) — Poor Marcus Mariota
32. Detroit (1-7) — So much for that new offense
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