Tuesday, September 25, 2007

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Blinded By The... Whatever That Is

Signal Finder: DET @ PHI, CIN @ SEA, NYG @ WSH

Did that guy get flagged for that hit on Losman's knee? If not, he should've. (Patriots 38, Bills 7)

The goggles. They do NOTHING. And apparently these ... things are having some sort of blinding effect on the Lions, as Curtis has just run past them like they can't find him. Again. These two teams have put up some points in their past rare meetings, but this is nuts. This is more like it. Seriously, what's going on? WTF 42. We'd find out later that the last time they scored that many points in a half, they were wearing these uniforms. Hanson missed? That doesn't happen. I think something shorted out. Like the SCOREBOARD. The 42 is actually more impressive than the 56. Discuss. (Eagles 56, Lions 21)

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Colts 30, Texans 24.

For a long time I've believed this: Some assistants have what it takes to be head coaches. Some just don't. What that 'it' is, I couldn't tell you. It's an intangible something. I haven't seen enough to determine for sure that what's happening in San Diego is Norv's fault, but I don't think it's a coincidence. Of course, on the other side of this particular equation, the Packers might actually be able to keep this up. (Packers 31, Chargers 24)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. The Chargers; 2.The Saints; 3. The Rams; 4. The Bills; 5. The Falcons.

These are, what, the 60's-era Redskins uniforms? Ah, same old Giants. I particularly enjoyed the Cooley touchdown where there were three guys standing behind him. What's with Shockey actually making important catches this season? This should be overturned. Aaaand it is. Here come the Redskins, and you knew this wouldn't last forever, right? If anyone in the booth or the truck or anywhere wants to tell Troy to explain what "clocking" is, I'd appreciate it. Little help, Joe? Thank you. That last minute or so was hilarious. From needlessly rushing to the line and then not running an actual play and wasting a down, to the Giants reverting to form and failing to cover Randle El, to the pass to the fullback in the flat on 2nd and goal, to rushing to the line on 4th down with 25 seconds left, then calling a running play... well, that might have been the only way this ended well for the Giants. (Giants 24, Redskins 17)

Did Chad and T.J. run the same route on the first touchdown? I saw the pick Chad set (and if that's against the rules, whoever pointed out that it's against the rules is the only person who knows it's against the rules), then he ran the same pattern about five yards behind and parallel to T.J. Hasselbeck on the out-of-bounds kickoff: "That was helpful." Was that John Cena's flying shoulderblock at the end? (Seahawks 24, Bengals 21)

Lane Kiffin proves to be a quick study. Or an exceptional thief; your choice. Though it really illustrates the state of things when you have to resort to such trickery to beat the Browns. (Raiders 26, Browns 24)

That was a pretty classic fold the Falcons pulled off. DAVID CARR LIVES! (Panthers 27, Falcons 20)

All right, let's see how the Cowboys do against a real defense. Apparently not that much so far. Crayton's drop in the end zone reminded me of Jackie Harris's drop in that Super Bowl against the Steelers (I want to say X?), it was so bad. Berrian's drop on the next series was pretty horrific, too, but at least he was moving. Here we go, as Bears defenders drop like flies and Rex continues to stink up the joint. How has this Barber/Jones thing not resolved itself yet? Seriously. Barber's so much more productive it's baffling. I don't know if this is the end for Rex, but I think you can see it from here. Kyle Boller's watching this game thinking, "I really shouldn't have signed that extension." OK, I'll admit it: the Cowboys have me frightened. This isn't good news for anyone. (Cowboys 34, Bears 10)

Things have changed, man... things have changed. Unfortunately for the Saints, it's all the wrong things that have changed. Seriously, Brees looks like Aaron Brooks out there. What's happened to this offense? It's the same guys! The mini-PTI at halftime doesn't work so well when you can't hear each other. Vince really looks like he's just hanging out tonight. Tony talking about the Saints' losing history as a franchise makes me think of how the Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons, and they've both been around for about the same number of years. Can you really bury all of that in one season aside from winning a Super Bowl? (Titans 31, Saints 14)

FANTASY REPORT

aPaFL:CI (3-0, W3): I'm pretty sure my entire team was in 4 o'clock games. Doom doesn't know what hit him.

JackSux 4 (1-2, L2): I'm sure Rob will be chiming in with a post or comment on how our matchups have gone over the years. But when three of your own guys get hurt in one day, this is what happens.

RANKINGS!

TOP 3:
1. New England (3-0) - Live, Memorex, or whatever, they're damn near unstoppable
2. Indianapolis (3-0) - Colts have become own biggest critics
3 (tie). Dallas (3-0) - Uh-oh
(tie) Green Bay (3-0) - Easily biggest surprise so far

BOTTOM 3:
30. St. Louis (0-3) - And it probably won't get any better with Jackson down
31. Buffalo (0-3) - 24 points. 24!
32. Atlanta (0-3) - Apparently somebody named Murphy has taken over


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Now playing: K-Os - The Anthem
via FoxyTunes

Friday, September 21, 2007

Back To Borgata: WPT Borgata Open 2007

So what's changed since the last time I went to one of these?



- The casino. An expansion that cost in the hundreds of millions of dollars and is still going on added another hotel tower, a larger poker room and racebook, and several new restaurants (with Bobby Flay and Wolfgang Puck among the names attached.)

- The set. The dome cameras on the table that were introduced during Season 4 are still there (and have actually proven to be pretty useless), but you've seen the new, darker, bordering on post-modern look of the Season 5 set.

- The network. Season 6 will be on GSN Monday nights starting next March or April.

- The structure. The days of the blinds increasing at warp speed appear to be at an end. The WPT has slowed down the speed of play by extending the levels to 90 minutes, which allows for more play without things reverting to all-in pushfests.

- The hostess(es). WPT has decided that it now takes two women to adequately replace Shana Hiatt. Or, at least, one and a half.

This, friends, is Layla Kayleigh:


As you can see, there's a lot going on here. She's tiny (5'2"), even in four-inch heels. She's from England and if you watch G4, you've seen her on "The Feed." She's easily the most fun hostess they've had since Shana.

You'll also be seeing Kimberly Lansing once or twice during the upcoming season:


She wasn't here, though.

SPOILER ALERT

Seeing Mike Matusow in the entryway to the Event Center was a bad sign. But there he was, still steaming somewhat after being eliminated in sixth place after Eugene Todd got knocked down to his last 25,000 chips. He was being consoled by his girlfriend (the new term is "outkicking your coverage") and Mike Binger, who finished third in the WSOP main event in 2006.

Todd took his hit from Haralabos Voulgaris, who was "the guy in the suit" who effectively folded into third and ended up losing heads-up to Michael Mizrachi as the 2005 L.A. Poker Classic.

Going back to the entryway for a moment, they didn't have the Boot Camp signup booth and the other giveaway stuff that they had two years ago. Instead, there was a cash bar and free coffee. Also, something has changed because they were actually showing the table live in the ballroom as it went on on the set through the back of the room. (Gaming prohibited this in the past unless the broadcast was physically in the same room.)

Vince Van Patten has written a poker mystery novel, of all things.

The heads-up match between Roy Winston and Scotty Yoon probably should have ended three hours earlier than it actually did. One of only two "fireworks" moments during heads-up, Yoon turned a straight to stay alive, then scratched and clawed his way back from what had been a 13:1 chip deficit to only being down 9:7. He got into this tournament on a $200 satellite, which is more than he says he's ever won playing poker.

I want to see if they show Vince shooting off a burst of Silly String when the straight hits during that hand. And who knew they still made that stuff?

Scotty was late coming back from the last break. We suspected that Roy (an anesthesiologist) had put him down. "Must be present to win."

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Now playing: Sting - Desert Rose
via FoxyTunes

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: Playing Catch-Up

View Finder: GB @ NYG, BUF @ PIT, IND @ TEN (last :12), CIN @ CLE (end), NYJ @ BAL, DEN @ OAK (OT)

TOUCHDOWN BENGALS

Eli's in? OK then. Is this last week's game again? Oh, look, a Giant commits a stupid, costly penalty at a crucial moment? That's never happened before. Do people still think Shockey's good? Granted, he's been horribly misused in Coughlin's system, but he's never been better than, say, Todd Heap. And by the way, Troy, get out of here with that "he's a good blocker" stuff. Favre looks like he's gone back in time - he's carving up this defense. I noticed this last week: every time Brandon Jackson is in, he's getting stuffed, and every time DeShawn Wynn is in, something good's happening. And now the umpire's getting drilled. What's wrong with Lorenzen now? Jeez. (Favre W, 149-90) (Packers 35, Giants 13)

TOUCHDOWN BROWNS

You think those Steelers 75th-anniversary throwback unis were ugly, wait until you see what the Eagles break out when they do the same thing next week. At least they're only playing the Lions. (Steelers 26, Bills 3)

TOUCHDOWN BENGALS

Why is Jon Runyan getting all these commercials?

TOUCHDOWN BROWNS

While the question "What's happened to the Saints' offense?" is a valid one, I don't think that's the bigger issue here. I look at the Buccaneers' highlights and Garcia's stats (243 yards off 10 completions?!) and I keep going back to what I said last year about the Saints: Their secondary is brutal. I was willing to write off the Colts game because, well, the Colts do that to everybody. But the Bucs shouldn't be shredding pass defenses like this. (Buccaneers 31, Saints 14)

TOUCHDOWN BENGALS. Why's Marvin on crutches?

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Jets-Ravens. Kyle Boller? What the hell? And on the other side, this is going about as well as could be expected with a second-year quarterback making his first start against this defense. I'm really surprised Boller signed an extension with Troy Smith behind him. This is your typical Ravens game. Grind it out, don't do anything stupid, and hit the other guys in the face. Wait a minute, what's this now? Oh, never mind then. (Ravens 20, Jets 13)

TOUCHDOWN BROWNS

Me, right before this: "He's got a big leg, but he's shaky." Raiders win! Wait, what? Oh, that's shady right there. And why even bother? Like I've always said, THIS NEVER WOR- oh. As if winning games this season wasn't already going to be hard enough for them. (Broncos 23, Raiders 20)

TOUCHDOWN BENGALS

A real genius wouldn't have gotten caught. That's all I'm saying. On the other hand, what a thorough ass-kicking this is. I'd love to know why Rivers threw that pass. At this time I'd like to give you a glimpse into my life at work. ... Let's flip to Yanks-Sawx. Tied 1-1? At least it's already the sixth inning. F'in' Jeter. How does he do it? My God. This Native American pitcher-batter matchup between Chamberlain and Ellsbury has to be pretty rare, no? Don't do this to me, Mariano. I've never disparaged you. Either end it one way or the other. Whew. *wipes forehead* Belichick: "I"ll have to look at the tape." (Patriots 38, Chargers 14; Yankees 4, Red Sox 3)

TOUCHDOWN BROWNS. Who knew Derek Anderson was the answer all this time.

Jones for "Worst Contract Season Ever." Also of note is that the You can tell that all the smoke from the fireworks is still up in the lights. This IS last week's game again. I'm convinced. Just a lot of really good post-production color work. Of course, this could also be spliced footage from last year's two games because the Redskins still can't get touchdowns against the Eagles. This sequence of penalties in Giants-esque. WTF TOUCHDOWN. Charles Barkley in the house! He's actually doing a good job in there, not trying to dominate the conversation and even asking Jaws what the Patriots were trying to get from the videotaping. You kind of have to be here to understand, but he's also making some very good points about the relationship between the fans and McNabb/Reid. The comment Tony relayed from the guy at Elias about being back in the mid-'90s was actually pretty good. Jason Avant should be starting. Seriously. L.J. Smith may be emerging as a candidate to rival Andruw Jones for "Worst Contract Season Ever." Also of note is that the Phillies are simultaneously gagging away an 11-0 lead in St. Louis. Can we score some touchdowns please? No? Oh. Something's very wrong here, and no one's quite sure what exactly it is.

Unsolicited Observation After Week 2: I thought the offense was supposed to catch up to the defense as the preseason progressed. Sure doesn't look that way in a lot of places.

FANTASY REPORT (Yes, I know I forgot to do this last week)

aPaFL Criminal Intent (2-0, W2): Looks like I'm gonna be riding Carson Palmer's arm until the proverbial wheels fall off.

JackSux 4 (1-1, L1): How do I lose with Palmer on my team? Answer: Steve Smith went off.


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Now playing: Over the Rhine - Give Me Strength
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Sometimes Even I'm Right

Don't hate the singer; hate the song. No, really. Reggie Bush saw the hit Addai took and had flashbacks. I support the "C"'s but would like them to be smaller. Manning? Harrison? Standard. What's not standard is Harrison coming from the left. Did that actually happen? Apparently it's the Jason David show tonight and we weren't told. Peyton seemed ... unusually nonplussed after that. I hope that kid wasn't dunking his apples in the barbecue sauce. David gets burned again? No wonder the Colts let him go. Is this the Colts' defense doing this? I've barely heard Deuce's name all night, for one thing. That bit about only four Colts having ever been anything other than Colts is amazing. I don't know if their defense can keep that up, but if it can, this season might already be over. (Colts 41, Saints 10)

Signal Finder: PHI @ GB, NE @ NYJ, MIA @ WSH (end), CHI @ SD, TB @ SEA (radio) DET @ OAK (end; WTF)

Wow, Lewis got hammered. I like this funky "Go Pack Go" song. I find it curious that the Packers let Ahman Green walk and decided to replace him with, well, this. Although the Eagles did get steamrolled by some lesser backs last season, so this is a good sign for the defense. The Packer defense is doing some good things, too - Barnett's all over the field. As nuts as the shovel pass was, I'm wondering why Wynn was just standing there instead of maybe throwing a block or two so Favre doesn't get smothered. Don't be a hero, J.R. What did I JUST SAY. And now the second decent gain Jackson's made all day will set up the endgame. Sometimes I see things like this coming. I didn't see this one coming. I feel like I should've. (Packers 16, Eagles 13)

I think somebody timed this once, how long the offense-field goal unit changeover takes. Another second and the Broncos don't make it. (Broncos 15, Bills 14)

For the first time in BTPOOT history, we have one game getting two awards: "Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass" and a new one this year, "Did This Actually Happen" go to Chiefs-Texans. Poor Rob. At least he got to see the Chiefs lose. (Texans 20, Chiefs 3)

Uh-oh. Does this mean Randy Moss is back? (Patriots 38, Jets 14)

Wow, Tatum Bell. If I'm you, I'm not leaving the stadium until sundown. (Lions 26, Raiders 21)

They're still calling it "The O.T."?

Oh, look, the Cowboys got beaten deep. That's never happened before. What's with the choices of music going to commercials? Is that "Unbelievable?" Is it 1988 again? I don't know how but the Giants' secondary seems to have gotten worse. On the other side, Eli's doing well tonight (the interception wasn't really his fault - Plaxico fell down.) Nice catch, T.O. That wouldn't have happened last year. Wow, the Giants are dropping like flies. It's 'Justin' Tuck, isn't it? Yeah, there we go. A Jared Lorenzen sighting? This one's over. LOL at him warming up in front of Eli to shield him from the cameras. (Cowboys 45, Giants 35)

YAY 80's 49er uniforms. And at the opposite end of the musical spectrum, MNF's bumping the new Kanye before commercial breaks the day before it drops. Did these two teams watch the Eagles-Packers game and go "Yeah, that looks like fun. Let's try that"? Seriously, I feel like I've seen this already. Nice hands, D-Jack. I'm pretty sure The Original Alex Smith's run here was defended even more poorly than the one against the Seahawks last season. And that, friends, is what makes them the Arizona Cardinals. (49ers 20, Cardinals 17.)


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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Fearful Forecast 2007

Fearful Forecast 2007

NFC EAST

(2) Philadelphia - Did the impossible last season and won three straight division road games in December with a backup quarterback to take the East. With McNabb back healthy and Westbrook firmly entrenched, a defense in flux will have to come together if the Eagles are gonna be worldbeaters.

(5) Dallas - There are some lofty expectations for the Cowboys, which seems unfair when you consider how badly Romo was exposed at the end of last season. This may be all on his shoulders. If he's up to it (and if the secondary can cover anybody), this team could be dangerous. But God help him if he's not - or when T.O. turns on him.

Washington - Here's all you need to know about the Daniel Snyder Era: Even with Joe Gibbs, the Redskins have become completely irrelevant. They can run the ball with Portis and Betts, which will keep pressure off Campbell, but their lack of a pass rush leaves their defense suspect.

N.Y. Giants - If this team's veterans constantly sniping about Tom Coughlin weren't enough to get him fired, Eli's regression last season should have been. But what's been overlooked is 1) how bad the defense was, and 2) they didn't make any big offseason moves to improve their weaknesses. This could be a disaster.

NFC NORTH

(3) Chicago - The Bears won't sneak up on anybody, but in this sorry division, it won't matter. But they're going to need Rex to find something resembling consistency if they want to get back to the Super Bowl.

Green Bay - Is THIS Favre's last season? Who knows. The rest of the team's in transition with some young potential on offense, but an underrated defense should keep them in games.

Minnesota - At least Tarvaris Jackson has Taylor and Peterson to run the ball and lighten the load. But there's too little on offense to support a rock-solid defense.

Detroit - They should score points, but I'd feel better about this offense if Kitna wasn't running it. To expand on that, I'd feel better about this team if Matt Millen wasn't running it.

NFC SOUTH

(1) New Orleans - Amazing what a difference competence at coach and QB makes. The offense should be even more dynamic, but I still wonder if they've fixed their secondary problems, though getting McKenzie back should help.

Carolina - Delhomme fell off badly in a disappointing all-around season for the Panthers, but is David Carr really the answer if his struggles continue? This whole team seems primed for a bounce-back year.

Tampa Bay - Chris Simms gave his spleen for the cause and almost didn't make this year's squad. Jeff Garcia comes in to run the offense, but the Bucs have backslid since their Super Bowl win. Gruden's gotta be on notice, right?

Atlanta - Say what you want about Vick on the field, but the Falcons had a nasty habit of not winning without him. All Harrington's proven is that he's pretty bad. They'll also miss Kerney more than everyone thinks.

NFC WEST

(4) Seattle - The Seahawks and Eagles had sort of similar seasons except the 'Hawks got their quarterback back. I'm still not sure why they traded Jackson to a division rival, though.

(6) San Francisco - The improving 49ers are a trendy pick to do some things with improving Alex Smith and an overhauled defense, but I don't really like their non-Jackson WRs and the division is a lot more competitive.

St. Louis - The Rams keep adding parts to their offense and can still remain competitive, but I'm not sure if the defense is up to holding up its end.

Arizona - We'll continue our tradition of not letting them off the hook, because even with a star-laden offense, yet another new coach, and an evolving defense, they're still the Arizona Cardinals until they prove otherwise.

AFC EAST

(3) New England - The Pats blew up their entire receiving corps in search of playmakers, but is Randy Moss still an elite player? This corner says no, but it probably won't matter too much as long as Brady's throwing the passes.

N.Y. Jets - The Meadowlands' other tenants were kind of overlooked as a team that probably overachieved last year. In the NFC, they'd be contenders. But they're not in the NFC.

Buffalo - The light went on for Losman in the second half last season, and the Bills also beefed up their offensive line in free agency. If Lynch can replace McGahee, they'll... still be a step behind the 49ers, for comparison.

Miami - They're gonna try yet again with Cam Cameron and Trent Green, but a young and inconsistent offensive line will make things difficult. The defense is still good, but its key players - Taylor, Thomas, Holliday, Traylor - are getting old.

NFC SOUTH

(1) Indianapolis - They know they can do it, so that's not an issue anymore. They're not very deep, though, and losing any of their stars could lead to some serious problems, especially on defense.

Tennessee - Vince Young continued his game-breaking ways as an NFL rookie, but he's got no help on offense. The defense won't miss Pacman with Harper and Herndon coming aboard.

Jacksonville - The Leftwich era ended just like that. I've always been a Garrard fan, but for the Jaguars to seriously think about being contenders, this has to work.

Houston - Matt Schaub? Ahman Green? Really? At least the Texans are building a defense with a high ceiling.

NFC NORTH

(2) Baltimore - McNair really stabilized the quarterback position for the Ravens and saved Billick's job in the process. McGahee adds a(nother?) dimension to the offense, and the defense keeps coming up with players to replace its losses.

(5) Pittsburgh - Last year shouldn't have happened, starting with Ben's motorcycle accident and filtering on down to a highly disappointing season. This team is better than last season showed, and I like them to come back strong.

Cincinnati - There's nothing wrong with this offense. The defense... well, that's another matter. The Bengals have big holes on the other side, and this conference is too tough to win with a defense as bad as this one.

Cleveland - I don't like the fact that they threw in the towel on Frye after a season and a half, but it is what it is. Quinn will be the man by season's end, but this is another team that hasn't done a lot of things right the last few years.

AFC WEST

(4) San Diego - Replacing Marty with Norv, while it preserves continuity, could prove to be the Chargers' eventual undoing as far as winning a Super Bowl is concerned. Seriously, Norv's never run a team this good, and if he screws this up...

(6) Denver - I didn't like last year's midseason switch to Cutler, either, but again, it is what it is. They'll run the ball and play solid defense, but you also have to wonder about their psyche a little considering how last season ended and the offseason deaths of two teammates.

Kansas City - Johnson will have to continue to carry the Chiefs to whatever success they're gonna have, because the rest of this team? Not that great.

Oakland - Dear Lord. Their quarterbacks are a has-been, a never-was, and an MIA. Their offensive line is dismal. Their new coach got sick during training camp. Can things actually get worse?