Signal Finder: JAX @ NYJ, OAK @ BUF (end), CHI @ NO, SD @ NE
East Rutherford Office Complex, hello! Rather clinical opening drive for the Jets there. Safety! You'd think the Jets would get more of those. Sanchex should have thrown that one somewhere else. And McCown should have thrown that one somewhere else. The Jets' right tackle who was getting blown up all last week has become a human penalty flag this time around. That's at least three. The Jags look sluggish. It feels like Shonn Greene just isn't getting there yet. Conversely, it feels like Dustin Keller's finally arrived. The Jags have gone from sluggish to incompetent. Let's check this replay and I don't think Cromartie made it. Yep, ball at the 1. Luke McCown, ladies and gentlemen... Luke McCown. Friends, we are witnessing a career-ending performance. And here's Blaine Gabbert, who I don't expect to do any better. I suppose I should explain this while I'm waiting for Channel 3 to switch games: He wasn't any kind of star in college (think a less well-known Matthew Stafford), didn't have anything about his game that stood out in relation to the other quarterbacks in this draft, nobody was even talking about him as a first-rounder until Andrew Luck decided he preferred Palo Alto to Charlotte, and once that happened, he made a Mike Mamula-esque meteoric rise up all the draft boards. That is the recipe for a draft bust. Are we done here? Yes? Good. (Jets 32, Jaguars 3)
Looks like we've walked into a barnburner here. The Raiders are apparently down three receivers. The Bills were down 18 points before breaking off three straight touchdowns. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Has there been a punt in this half? There hasn't been one since I started watching. (There was one before the switchover.) Who is Scott Chandler and why does he already have 18 touchdown catches this year? (I'm exaggerating. Mostly.) Darren McFadden is a pass-catching beast. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Chris Johnson's bad day gets worse as he drops a pick in the end zone. Touchdown Bills! And how does Nelson get that wide open in that spot? But there's still time (to get into better Hail Mary position if nothing else.) Here we go... someone caught that? Who's got it? Who's got it? The Bills have it! Fun footnote: The booth actually reviewed that play for 10 minutes and announced it was upheld after almost all the fans had left. How did this end up being the best game of the week? (Bills 38, Raiders 35)
grabs invisible megaphone "Attention fantasy football players worldwide: Bench all Colts until further notice. I repeat: Bench all Colts until further notice. Thank you." (Browns 27, Colts 19)
You know how on sitcoms, when someone offscreen is getting badly beaten up or just somehow taking an inordinate amount of damage, and the characters on screen are wincing, recoiling, and shielding their faces with their arms because it's too violent to watch? That's what watching Jay Cutler get beaten down was like. (Saints 30, Bears 13)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Lions 48, Chiefs 3
I see the Cowboys still haven't solved their kicking problems. So wait, Smith drops the snap, gets it back, throws up a wounded duck and the Cowboys get flagged for interference? That's Raideresque. Talk about a reversal of fortunes — Bailey hits from 48 after missing from 21 on the opening drive, then Romo atones for last week's debacle. Though you have to wonder about the state of affairs when a guy who was only in camp because he won a reality show no one watched not only eventually makes the roster, but ends up making the key play in overtime. (Cowboys 27, 49ers 24, OT)
Three touchdown passes for Tom Brady? What, again? *yawn* I don't think he's ever lost to the Chargers. And after seeing the Vince Wilfork rumble, let me just say this: if he's 325 pounds, Gisele's a 6. (Patriots 35, Chargers 21)
Nice catch by White in the back of the end zone. I assume Dunta Robinson's getting at least fined for that — he led with his helmet and his arms were at his sides, making zero attempt to wrap up. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I can't tell if that was an actual interception or not, and Les Bowen's going berserk on Twitter: "The obvious TD they replay four times but they can't show the 'pick' once?" Cullen Jenkins has been blowing things up tonight. So what happened? Ah, Vick got knocked into Herremans and their helmets clanged. "The thornbush is the old obstacle in the road. It must catch fire if you want to go further." Oh, wait, wrong Kafka. Although the Falcons' defense could be considered a thornbush and it's definitely been on fire tonight (and not in a good way if you're a Falcons fan) Well, they had been keeping Turner in check. Say what you ant about Andy Reid, but his backup quarterbacks have always been prepared. Kafka's played pretty well all things considered. And Maclin... drops it? He catches 13 and drops the easiest one he gets? Dear Lord. Yeah, this one got away from the Eagles. Yet, had they won, I'd probably be saying the same thing about the Falcons. And I'm not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. (Falcons 35, Eagles 31)
FANTASY REPORT
apa2011 (1-1, L1): Dustin Keller? Danario Alexander? Yeah, that' s 29 points left on the bench in a nine-point loss where Dez Bryant didn't play and Zach Miller (Seattle) might as well not have.
JackSux 10 (2-0, W2): Fred Jackson went off as part of the berserker barrage that was Raiders-Bills. I will also take 37 from Drew Brees and 22 from Ryan Mathews.
KeyStar V (2-0, W2): The star here was Mike Wallace, scoring a game-high 23 points.
HPSux Bad QB League (1-1, L1): I guess it's only really a "loss" in the sense that I scored fewer points than the other team. Campbell's big day against the Bills was good for negative points. That's the kindof league this is.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Running The Red Lights
Frozen Tundra, hello! Really, though, it's more soaked than anything. This seemed the most obvious choice for the opener what with the last two champions and all. Four possessions, three touchdowns, one coming off a turnover. Feels like this is gonna be one of those games. Huh. A stop. And a three-and-out, no less. And Sproles runs the ensuing punt back for a touchdown. Yeah, this is definitely gonna be one of those games. Now the Packers have decided to run the ball and that's working, too. This offense is frightening to watch if you're a fellow NFC contender. There's another score. And the half ends with a punt into the end zone. A field goal? That's disappointing. Why is this Cobb kid running this kickoff out? OH. And then Sproles does just about half as well on the ensuing kickoff? THIS IS MADNESS. Did Woodson just punch that guy? Seriously? The way the Packers have been scoring touchdowns, you almost have to go for it here. I'm not sure I would have called that play, though. Now watch the Packers go down and get another touchdown. Yeah, that's about right. Pass interference?! Yeah, it kinda was. One more shot. De-NIED! The Saints need to work on their goal-line offense. And that is how you start a season. Well, unless you like defense. (Packers 42, Saints 34)
Signal Finder: PHI @ STL, PIT @ BAL, CIN @ CLE (end), NYG @ WSH, SEA @ SF (end)
Given what today is, and what the theme of the NFL's scheduling has been, shouldn't this game be in Pittsburgh? Boom! And just like that it's... 21-7 Ravens? The Steelers can't get out of their own way, it seems. Did... did they just run a fake on the extra point? And the holder went into the end zone untouched? If I'd been there, that would've been my signal to leave. PROTECT — never mind. I give up. So for those keeping track, at this point, here are the Steelers' last five offensive plays: Two incomplete passes, a punt, a fumble, and an interception. And now the Ravens are going for it on fourth and 1 from the Steelers' 8. Yes, these two teams despise each other, why do you ask? Stuffed! That'll probably be the only positive the Steelers take from this game. And of course Ben throws an interception in the red zone. And then he does it AGAIN! (None of these have been good throws, either.) The wheels have not only come off, they're interfering with traffic. Hey, a Ricky Williams sighting! On second thought, maybe it's a good thing this game wasn't in Pittsburgh after all. (Ravens 35, Steelers 7)
This is exactly how Steelers-Ravens started. Scary. Except Ray Rice didn't get hurt doing it. Also the Steelers didn't come right back like the Eagles just did. Nice to see Cadillac Williams found work, though I do question the wisdom of a guy who's has the knee problems he's had signing with a team that plays its home games indoors on turf. Also, the Eagles' run defense is worrisome. Except for that. Speaking of runniong, Vick's had to do more of it than we'd all probably prefer, and he's not having the best day throwing the ball, though the third-quarter touchdown to Jackson was kind of cool, a nice little floater. You have to catch breaks, too, and the Eagles have caught some of those, like the missed field goal earlier and now this penalty on the Rams after first-and-goal at the 1. I always love seeing offensive holding get called on a sack. It's like... at least make it worth your while, y'know? (Eagles 31, Rams 13)
If the Lions make the playoffs and the Bucs don't, this will be why. (Lions 27, Buccaneers 20)
Michael Irvin actually made a good point (I know. I can't believe it, either) on Gameday Final when he said that all the talk over the years about how no one except Peyton Manning can run the Colts' offense seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, that doesn't explain the lack of running game or the defense, though we did establish two years ago that Peyton is also the Colts' best defensive player. Meanwhile, Matt Leinart was watching this from the Texans' sideline and no doubt thinking, "They could have called me. I was available. They knew they had a potential problem on their hands. I mean, could I really have done worse than that guy's doing? You know who they signed? Dan Orlovsky. Seriously? They think Dan Orlovsky's better than me? I was ahead of him on this depth chart! And then they cut his ass. Kerry's old team could have used me too, y'know? Instead they drafted Jake Locker. Jake Locker! Jack Locker can't carry my pads. C'mon, man." (Texans 34, Colts 7)
Is Giants-Redskins a new traditional Week 1 game or something? This is at least the third year in a row. Eli just scored on a bootleg. That shouldn't happen ever. Jabar Gaffney's still alive? Let's not get too excited. The Giants' defense was missing its three best guys. (Redskins 28, Giants 14)
SPEED 2! Although I guess since Troy Williamson's out of the league, Ted Ginn can officially ascend to the rank of SPEED. (49ers 27, Seahawks 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Whoever on the Browns is responsible for breaking the defensive huddle; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Tony Romo; 4. On defense. You could count the number of solid — never mind standout — team defensive performances on one hand. And it's usually the opposite — defenses are generally ahead of the offenses at the start of the season; 5. The Chargers' new special teams coach.
Oh, Romo. Your incompetence simultaneously amuses and angers me, and that, my friend, is no small feat. Seriously, though. How do you throw a pass to a receiver who can't run because he's been cramping up the entire second half, and he's being covered by Darrelle Revis? And as I'm thinking that, Sanchez almost gives it back again. Seriously, nobody wants to win this game, do they? Nick Folk? Nick Folk! Proposed headline for Post sidebar: "Nick to Cowboys: Folk You". (Jets 27, Cowboys 24)
All right, everyone who had "Week 1, fourth quarter" in the "first chant for Tim Tebow" pool, please report to the hospitality lounge on the first-level concourse to collect your winnings. (Raiders 23, Broncos 20)
FANTASY REPORT
It's about to get crowded down here, as I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I didn't do a draft recap because I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I don't want to write that and you don't want to read it.
APA2011 (1-0, W1): A highly scaled-back 14-team version this year. This week, got the win courtesy of Steve Smith 1.0 (who I am genuinely surprised is still a Panther).
JackSux 10 (1-0, W1): Yahoo now has divisions (!) to make things... about the same, from all appearances. Oh well, I guess I'll notice something different later. Ah, the game. Put up Top Score in a win over Jay with Drew Brees, Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson. Also, Rob has apparently secured an actual trophy for the winner. I'm... not sure how I feel about this.
KeyStar V (1-0, W1): 18 teams, 3 divisions (!) with a couple of the guys from the APA league. I think I was brought in to fill a spot so we could get to a reasonable number. No fractional points (!), but 23 from Orton and 21 from Reggie Wayne get me a 104-99 win.
ALSO! Jay was inspired by Grantland's Bad Quarterback Fantasy League concept and started one up himself. There's eight of us, and I'm pretty sure I got the worst draw with Oakland (Jason Campbell), Houston (Matt Schaub), the Giants (Eli Manning) and San Diego (Philip Rivers). But I did win my Week 1 matchup.
Signal Finder: PHI @ STL, PIT @ BAL, CIN @ CLE (end), NYG @ WSH, SEA @ SF (end)
Given what today is, and what the theme of the NFL's scheduling has been, shouldn't this game be in Pittsburgh? Boom! And just like that it's... 21-7 Ravens? The Steelers can't get out of their own way, it seems. Did... did they just run a fake on the extra point? And the holder went into the end zone untouched? If I'd been there, that would've been my signal to leave. PROTECT — never mind. I give up. So for those keeping track, at this point, here are the Steelers' last five offensive plays: Two incomplete passes, a punt, a fumble, and an interception. And now the Ravens are going for it on fourth and 1 from the Steelers' 8. Yes, these two teams despise each other, why do you ask? Stuffed! That'll probably be the only positive the Steelers take from this game. And of course Ben throws an interception in the red zone. And then he does it AGAIN! (None of these have been good throws, either.) The wheels have not only come off, they're interfering with traffic. Hey, a Ricky Williams sighting! On second thought, maybe it's a good thing this game wasn't in Pittsburgh after all. (Ravens 35, Steelers 7)
This is exactly how Steelers-Ravens started. Scary. Except Ray Rice didn't get hurt doing it. Also the Steelers didn't come right back like the Eagles just did. Nice to see Cadillac Williams found work, though I do question the wisdom of a guy who's has the knee problems he's had signing with a team that plays its home games indoors on turf. Also, the Eagles' run defense is worrisome. Except for that. Speaking of runniong, Vick's had to do more of it than we'd all probably prefer, and he's not having the best day throwing the ball, though the third-quarter touchdown to Jackson was kind of cool, a nice little floater. You have to catch breaks, too, and the Eagles have caught some of those, like the missed field goal earlier and now this penalty on the Rams after first-and-goal at the 1. I always love seeing offensive holding get called on a sack. It's like... at least make it worth your while, y'know? (Eagles 31, Rams 13)
If the Lions make the playoffs and the Bucs don't, this will be why. (Lions 27, Buccaneers 20)
Michael Irvin actually made a good point (I know. I can't believe it, either) on Gameday Final when he said that all the talk over the years about how no one except Peyton Manning can run the Colts' offense seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, that doesn't explain the lack of running game or the defense, though we did establish two years ago that Peyton is also the Colts' best defensive player. Meanwhile, Matt Leinart was watching this from the Texans' sideline and no doubt thinking, "They could have called me. I was available. They knew they had a potential problem on their hands. I mean, could I really have done worse than that guy's doing? You know who they signed? Dan Orlovsky. Seriously? They think Dan Orlovsky's better than me? I was ahead of him on this depth chart! And then they cut his ass. Kerry's old team could have used me too, y'know? Instead they drafted Jake Locker. Jake Locker! Jack Locker can't carry my pads. C'mon, man." (Texans 34, Colts 7)
Is Giants-Redskins a new traditional Week 1 game or something? This is at least the third year in a row. Eli just scored on a bootleg. That shouldn't happen ever. Jabar Gaffney's still alive? Let's not get too excited. The Giants' defense was missing its three best guys. (Redskins 28, Giants 14)
SPEED 2! Although I guess since Troy Williamson's out of the league, Ted Ginn can officially ascend to the rank of SPEED. (49ers 27, Seahawks 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Whoever on the Browns is responsible for breaking the defensive huddle; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Tony Romo; 4. On defense. You could count the number of solid — never mind standout — team defensive performances on one hand. And it's usually the opposite — defenses are generally ahead of the offenses at the start of the season; 5. The Chargers' new special teams coach.
Oh, Romo. Your incompetence simultaneously amuses and angers me, and that, my friend, is no small feat. Seriously, though. How do you throw a pass to a receiver who can't run because he's been cramping up the entire second half, and he's being covered by Darrelle Revis? And as I'm thinking that, Sanchez almost gives it back again. Seriously, nobody wants to win this game, do they? Nick Folk? Nick Folk! Proposed headline for Post sidebar: "Nick to Cowboys: Folk You". (Jets 27, Cowboys 24)
All right, everyone who had "Week 1, fourth quarter" in the "first chant for Tim Tebow" pool, please report to the hospitality lounge on the first-level concourse to collect your winnings. (Raiders 23, Broncos 20)
FANTASY REPORT
It's about to get crowded down here, as I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I didn't do a draft recap because I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I don't want to write that and you don't want to read it.
APA2011 (1-0, W1): A highly scaled-back 14-team version this year. This week, got the win courtesy of Steve Smith 1.0 (who I am genuinely surprised is still a Panther).
JackSux 10 (1-0, W1): Yahoo now has divisions (!) to make things... about the same, from all appearances. Oh well, I guess I'll notice something different later. Ah, the game. Put up Top Score in a win over Jay with Drew Brees, Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson. Also, Rob has apparently secured an actual trophy for the winner. I'm... not sure how I feel about this.
KeyStar V (1-0, W1): 18 teams, 3 divisions (!) with a couple of the guys from the APA league. I think I was brought in to fill a spot so we could get to a reasonable number. No fractional points (!), but 23 from Orton and 21 from Reggie Wayne get me a 104-99 win.
ALSO! Jay was inspired by Grantland's Bad Quarterback Fantasy League concept and started one up himself. There's eight of us, and I'm pretty sure I got the worst draw with Oakland (Jason Campbell), Houston (Matt Schaub), the Giants (Eli Manning) and San Diego (Philip Rivers). But I did win my Week 1 matchup.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Scariest Silence
Sometime between my freshman and sophomore year of college, I seemingly "developed" a knack for waking up right before the dorm fire alarm went off. This was after a year of sleeping through them, without fail, and not finding out that it went off until lunch. Maybe that's what triggered it -- my brain processed its seeming lack of regard for my own safety and adjusted accordingly to make sure I was aware that something bad might be happening. When it changed and I started waking up right before the alarms went off, it also happened without fail. Of course, that ability, like many feats the human body is physiologically capable of during college, soon vanished, and vanished quickly.
So I suppose, in a roundabout way, it makes perfect sense that I was asleep when the first planes hit the World Trade Center 10 years ago. And it also makes perfect sense that I woke up right before my dad called me from work to tell me what happened.
It was just after noon. He didn't actually tell me right away... he told me to turn on the TV first, as if I wouldn't believe him if he'd just said it himself. I stared at the screen in utter disbelief. I was barely coherent, fumbling for the remote while babbling. At the time, Dad was working at the Navy base in Patuxent River, Md., as a fuel tester. They closed up shop as soon as the second plane hit the north tower, and he was already back at the trailer he stayed in down there during the week.
I'd gotten myself together enough to have both the TV and my computer on just to keep up with everything. A couple hours into it, I get an IM from my friend Rob in Texas: "Er... damn." I'm sure my response was something equally light on keystrokes. He was relieved to know that I was all right, and we chatted for about half an hour.
The most incongruent moment of the day (and, given the circumstances, possibly of the entire year) was the UPS guy arriving that afternoon to drop off the computer my dad bought. I don't remember what, if anything, I said to him, if we talked at all about what was happening or what. Fortunately, that and the AIM conversation with Rob sort of snapped me back into reality. A reality in which I had to go to work.
I got a particularly telling sign as I left the house. Our neighborhood then had a lot of families with a lot of young kids. It's after 4 o'clock at this point, and usually you saw and heard them playing outside or riding their bikes or whatever. Today? Nothing. The only thing I saw other than myself was a sprinkler running on the lawn across the street.
I pretty much knew that we in Sports weren't going to be doing anything. The only reason I was heading down there is because I figured the news desk might need us to pitch in in some fashion, with the deluge of stories that was sure to be coming in. Driving down Route 206, and especially after getting on the Atlantic City Expressway, brought on the one thing that I'll never forget from 9/11.
The silence.
The roads were empty. And I don't mean the emptiness that you see when it's late at night and there's no traffic. I mean the roads were completely empty. I don't remember seeing anyone else on the expressway during the trip down or the trip back. Remember what a beautiful and peaceful day it actually was in the Mid-Atlantic before 9 a.m.! I had EZPass; I didn't even stop at the toll booth.
I got to work just as Seven collapsed and found out I was right. Sports was relegated to three pages at the back of the Region section. I just read a couple of national stories, helped gather all the information on the high school events being postponed, and went back home. Again, nothing but silence outside.
I got home and didn't turn the TV back on. I'd taken in too much. I mean... who processes this? Instead I went back up to my room and put this song on loop.
It ended up being my informal Song of the Year for 2001. It might have been anyway, but...
Many people will remember the shock of seeing the images of the planes crashing, the Twin Towers burning.
Me? I'll never forget the eerie silence.
God willing, the world will never be that quiet again.
So I suppose, in a roundabout way, it makes perfect sense that I was asleep when the first planes hit the World Trade Center 10 years ago. And it also makes perfect sense that I woke up right before my dad called me from work to tell me what happened.
It was just after noon. He didn't actually tell me right away... he told me to turn on the TV first, as if I wouldn't believe him if he'd just said it himself. I stared at the screen in utter disbelief. I was barely coherent, fumbling for the remote while babbling. At the time, Dad was working at the Navy base in Patuxent River, Md., as a fuel tester. They closed up shop as soon as the second plane hit the north tower, and he was already back at the trailer he stayed in down there during the week.
I'd gotten myself together enough to have both the TV and my computer on just to keep up with everything. A couple hours into it, I get an IM from my friend Rob in Texas: "Er... damn." I'm sure my response was something equally light on keystrokes. He was relieved to know that I was all right, and we chatted for about half an hour.
The most incongruent moment of the day (and, given the circumstances, possibly of the entire year) was the UPS guy arriving that afternoon to drop off the computer my dad bought. I don't remember what, if anything, I said to him, if we talked at all about what was happening or what. Fortunately, that and the AIM conversation with Rob sort of snapped me back into reality. A reality in which I had to go to work.
I got a particularly telling sign as I left the house. Our neighborhood then had a lot of families with a lot of young kids. It's after 4 o'clock at this point, and usually you saw and heard them playing outside or riding their bikes or whatever. Today? Nothing. The only thing I saw other than myself was a sprinkler running on the lawn across the street.
I pretty much knew that we in Sports weren't going to be doing anything. The only reason I was heading down there is because I figured the news desk might need us to pitch in in some fashion, with the deluge of stories that was sure to be coming in. Driving down Route 206, and especially after getting on the Atlantic City Expressway, brought on the one thing that I'll never forget from 9/11.
The silence.
The roads were empty. And I don't mean the emptiness that you see when it's late at night and there's no traffic. I mean the roads were completely empty. I don't remember seeing anyone else on the expressway during the trip down or the trip back. Remember what a beautiful and peaceful day it actually was in the Mid-Atlantic before 9 a.m.! I had EZPass; I didn't even stop at the toll booth.
I got to work just as Seven collapsed and found out I was right. Sports was relegated to three pages at the back of the Region section. I just read a couple of national stories, helped gather all the information on the high school events being postponed, and went back home. Again, nothing but silence outside.
I got home and didn't turn the TV back on. I'd taken in too much. I mean... who processes this? Instead I went back up to my room and put this song on loop.
It ended up being my informal Song of the Year for 2001. It might have been anyway, but...
Many people will remember the shock of seeing the images of the planes crashing, the Twin Towers burning.
Me? I'll never forget the eerie silence.
God willing, the world will never be that quiet again.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Fearful Forecast 2011
FEARFUL FORECAST 2011
NFC EAST
(2) Philadelphia — The talk of the league after exceeding expectations last year, followed by an offseason spending blitz designed to fix some large holes in the defense, including becoming the somewhat surprising winner of the Nnamdi Asomugah sweepstakes. They've also hitched their wagon to Michael Vick for the foreseeable future, a development that absolutely no one would have predicted three years ago. But offensive line questions abound and may be the only thing holding them back if those questions don't get answered.
Dallas — In the recent past, the Cowboys have managed to choke on their own Super Bowl aspirations, and the year they won the division and a playoff game was the year that pundits had grown tired of their chronic underachieving. Which makes them hard to judge, since those expectations have been somewhat tempered, but they did play better when Jason Garrett took over midseason.
N.Y. Giants — Another late-season collapse ruined another season, yet Tom Coughlin gets an extension. Then they lost several key players through release (they turned over their offensive line but arguably made it worse), departure (they'll miss Steve Smith 2.0 more than everyone thinks) or disgruntlement (Oh, Osi) and saw several others get hurt in the preseason. Eli still gives them a fighting chance, especially if he cuts down on the turnovers, but I'm not optimistic and I worry about their collective psyche.
Washington — Arguably their biggest win of the year was getting an actual tangible asset for Albert Haynesworth, and ceding the title of "D.C.'s Most Overpaid Professional Athlete" to Jayson Werth in the process. This team was in shambles at the end of last season, with too many holes to fill in an abbreviated offseason, though they did avoid the monumentally stupid moves they were known for making under Daniel Snyder's ownership. Until they named Rex Grossman the starting QB, that is.
NFC NORTH
(1) Green Bay —The Packers were cut to pieces by injuries last season and still won the Super Bowl, a testament to how much talent they still had. With most of those players coming back, making the depth charts even deeper, there's little reason to expect any significant dropoff. A trip back to the Super Bowl is highly likely.
(5) Detroit — A trendy playoff pick, and for good reason: The Lions seem to finally have a plan and played better at the end of last season, winning a truly ugly game over the Packers and sending another longtime foe to the retirement home for good. Now if they can just keep Matthew Stafford upright...
Chicago — The Bears improved the least of the NFC North teams, as they seemed to follow the route of bringing in guys nobody else wanted because they aren't any good anymore (Roy Williams, Marion Barber III) or never were (Vernon Gholston). Plus, Jay Cutler's head is in question again after the NFC title game where he may or may not have begged off with a knee injury, and the offensive line, while improved over the second half of last season, remains a work in progress.
Minnesota — But let's say this: Fourth could be 8-8. The collapses of Brett Favre and the Metrodome, respectively, overshadowed the fact that pretty much every Viking of significance had a worse 2010 than 2009. Interestingly, new quarterback Donovan McNabb also fits into this category, and he'll want to prove he still has plenty left in his tank.
NFC SOUTH
(3) New Orleans — Made history in the bad way at the end of the season by losing to the under-.500 Seahawks in the playoffs. (The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways.) The Saints' offense will ensure they're always dangerous, but they'll need the defense to return to its Super Bowl-winning form.
(6) Atlanta — Still licking their wounds after being eviscerated by the Packers in the playoffs, the Falcons made a big draft-day move to get rookie receiver Julio Jones, putting a lot on his shoulders. Free agent DE Ray Edwards will help the pass rush, but given the high-octane offenses they'll face this season, they'll also need their cornerbacks to prove last year wasn't a fluke.
Tampa Bay — Pundits were concerned that the Bucs, who went a shocking 10-6 but missed the playoffs last year, didn't ride the momentum and use their cap room to upgrade at some weak positions. They may take a step back because the two teams above them are still better than them (and, like the Chiefs, they no longer have the element of surprise), but this is a young squad that looks like it's getting better.
Carolina — Ron Rivera gets his first shot at a head coaching job four years after his name was the hottest one out there. Fittingly, he has a rookie, No. 1 overall pick Cam Newton, at quarterback. The Panthers did well to keep the few good players they have in the fold, giving them something to rebuild around. But can Newton succeed at this level?
NFC WEST
(4) St. Louis — Basically by default. Quarterback Sam Bradford was better than some people expected last year, Steven Jackson had another solid season, and Danny Amendola somehow caught 85 passes, having arguably the most unremarkable "very good year" in the history of the sport. Late last year this division seemed to become theirs to lose, and this year there's no reason to think they won't actually win it.
Arizona — The Cardinals gave up a lot to get Kevin Kolb and his seven career starts, but they had to do something after running Derek Anderson, Max Hall and John Skelton out there last season (they'd have gotten equal production out of Louie Anderson, Monty Hall and Red Skelton). Of bigger worry might be the rest of their offense, as Larry Fitzgerald will be facing the same triple-teams that Steve Smith 1.0 is.
San Francisco — The Alex Smith era improbably continues as the Jim Harbaugh one begins
In a nice touch, the 49ers visit Jim's brother John's Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving night.
Seattle — After their surprising, and, some would say, blasphemous playoff appearance last year, the Seahawks seemed to have designs on legitimizing themselves, bringing in ex-Vikings WR Sidney Rice and underrated tight end Zach Miller. Or at least you would have thought that had they not also signed QB Tarvaris Jackson and named him the starter. Now it seems they have designs on Andrew Luck.
AFC EAST
(2) New England — Chad Ochocinco? Albert Haynesworth? It's not like Bill Belichick hasn't taken on other teams' problem children before, but you can legitimately wonder how much Chad has left and if Haynesworth is in any kind of shape to be the dominant force he has been at times. Also, it's unlikely Tom Brady will have the same kind of season he had last year... but it's not impossible. Though it might actually be for the best that he doesn't, as that would mean that the Pats have the balance back that helped them win three Super Bowls last decade.
(6) N.Y. Jets — Another year, another conference title game loss. It seems to me that the Jets are going to have to figure out how to win the division if they want to get to the Super Bowl. Replacing Braylon Edwards with Plaxico Burress was eh. It's the nonexistent pass rush that should concern Jets fans — as good as Darrelle Revis is, he can still only cover one man at a time.
Buffalo — The best hope for Bills fans is that Harvard man Ryan Fitzpatrick throws for over 3,000 yards again. Because the only thing worse than being bad is being boring on top of it, and the Bills haven't been a good team for a decade and that may not change anytime soon.
Miami — Let's see: The owner doesn't want the coach. The coach doesn't want the quarterback. How is this a good situation again? It's not like there isn't talent here (more than the Bills, to be completely honest, and Reggie Bush will help), but this level of dysfunction would make Al Davis either proud or envious. That 11-5 season seems so long ago.
AFC NORTH
(1) Pittsburgh — The Steelers didn't make many significant changes to a team that got to the Super Bowl, and why would you? Although, bad things tend to happen to Super Bowl losers, so we'll see. Still, that trend's been bucked in recent years, and the Steelers are good enough and their schedule easy enough to smash the doomsayers' expectations. Just as long as they don't lead with their helmets.
(5) Baltimore — We could almost put last year's capsule here. Two big question marks: The back of their defense, which still appears to be held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment, and Joe Flacco's inability to play well against the Steelers in the playoffs.
Cleveland — Colt McCoy wasn't supposed to play last year. But Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace were... Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace (and also injured) so the rookie stepped in and was surprisingly not horrible given the absolute dearth of talent around him on both sides of the ball. Steps were taken, but they might be playing a waiting game in Cleveland. Plus, the Madden Curse, of all things, is in play. For the Browns. Think about that for a minute. But not any longer because your stomach will explode.
Cincinnati — Mike Brown called Carson Palmer's bluff. Problem is, Carson Palmer wasn't bluffing. So now rookie Andy Dalton takes the reins of what could be not only the worst team in the league, but also — with Chad gone to New England and T.O. just gone — probably the most boring. Coach Marvin Lewis is probably wishing he'd taken the Pitt job.
AFC SOUTH
(4) Houston — Last year was supposed to be the year, and the fact that we've been saying that three years running now is its own set of problems. What stopped the Texans last year was a truly horrible defense, especially against the pass, so they brought Wade Phillips from upstate Dallas to help fix it. But Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster aside, here are the brass tacks: If it doesn't happen this year, it's not happening until Peyton retires. Speaking OF Peyton...
Indianapolis — ...the lockout really screwed up his neck surgery and recovery as he couldn't work with the team trainers. Of course, it was bad enough that he was coming off neck surgery in the first place. Granted, Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are still around, and they actually spent some money to bring in some defensive help. But make no mistake, Peyton's the key to this whole thing, and if this lingers and Kerry Collins shows he should have stayed retired, this could get ugly fast.
Tennessee — Faced with a choice between Jeff Fisher and Vince Young, owner Bud Adams let them both go, promoting assistant and former Oilers lineman Mike Munchak. Also new is quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who is here to help rookie Jake Locker get ready. Chris Johnson remains one of the league's premier running backs, but their defense was also bad last year and they didn't do a whole lot to make it better.
Jacksonville — Oh boy. They cut would-be starting quarterback David Garrard five days before the opener to save $8 million, then installed Luke McCown as the starter to keep the seat warm for top pick Blaine Gabbert, who I really think is going to be a bust. Coach Jack del Rio is probably wishing he'd taken the USC job.
AFC WEST
(3) San Diego — I'm willing to accept last year as an aberration caused by several contract disputes involving key players, all of which have been resolved in one fashion or another. Expect Philip Rivers to continue to put up numbers as the Chargers return to the top of the division only to promptly stall out in the playoffs, as is their wont.
Kansas City — Last year's surprise division champions no longer have that element working for them, and quarterback Matt Cassel's rib injury... complicates things. But they found a pass rush and added more speed on offense (WR Steve Breaston may end up being the best signing that nobody talked about), which should be enough to stay respectable.
Oakland — Darren McFadden finally had the season Raiders fans have been waiting for. They swept the division but still only went 8-8, sending loser in football and life Tom Cable out the door and kicking offensive coordinator Hue Jackson upstairs, which also means Jason Campbell won't be looking over his shoulder anymore. But they lost their best defensive player and their second-best offensive player, so they'll be fortunate to tread water.
Denver — Josh McDaniels inherited a mediocre team and was fired from a terrible one, so the Broncos brought in John Fox, fresh off helping botch the Panthers' last two seasons, to pick up the too-few pieces. We like ridiculing the Raiders for their seemingly endless parade of boneheaded personnel moves, but the Broncos' record over the last few years is just as bad. (The 2003 and 2007 drafts alone will make you want to curl up into the fetal position.) Though No. 2 overall pick Von Miller should help a beleaguered defense, it's the beginning of a long road back.
WILD CARD ROUND
NFC: Detroit over St. Louis; New Orleans over Atlanta
AFC: N.Y. Jets over San Diego; Baltimore over Houston
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
NFC: Philadelphia over New Orleans; Green Bay over Detroit
AFC: Pittsburgh over Baltimore: New England over N.Y. Jets
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
NFC: Green Bay over Philadelphia
AFC: New England over Pittsburgh
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
Green Bay over New England
NFC EAST
(2) Philadelphia — The talk of the league after exceeding expectations last year, followed by an offseason spending blitz designed to fix some large holes in the defense, including becoming the somewhat surprising winner of the Nnamdi Asomugah sweepstakes. They've also hitched their wagon to Michael Vick for the foreseeable future, a development that absolutely no one would have predicted three years ago. But offensive line questions abound and may be the only thing holding them back if those questions don't get answered.
Dallas — In the recent past, the Cowboys have managed to choke on their own Super Bowl aspirations, and the year they won the division and a playoff game was the year that pundits had grown tired of their chronic underachieving. Which makes them hard to judge, since those expectations have been somewhat tempered, but they did play better when Jason Garrett took over midseason.
N.Y. Giants — Another late-season collapse ruined another season, yet Tom Coughlin gets an extension. Then they lost several key players through release (they turned over their offensive line but arguably made it worse), departure (they'll miss Steve Smith 2.0 more than everyone thinks) or disgruntlement (Oh, Osi) and saw several others get hurt in the preseason. Eli still gives them a fighting chance, especially if he cuts down on the turnovers, but I'm not optimistic and I worry about their collective psyche.
Washington — Arguably their biggest win of the year was getting an actual tangible asset for Albert Haynesworth, and ceding the title of "D.C.'s Most Overpaid Professional Athlete" to Jayson Werth in the process. This team was in shambles at the end of last season, with too many holes to fill in an abbreviated offseason, though they did avoid the monumentally stupid moves they were known for making under Daniel Snyder's ownership. Until they named Rex Grossman the starting QB, that is.
NFC NORTH
(1) Green Bay —The Packers were cut to pieces by injuries last season and still won the Super Bowl, a testament to how much talent they still had. With most of those players coming back, making the depth charts even deeper, there's little reason to expect any significant dropoff. A trip back to the Super Bowl is highly likely.
(5) Detroit — A trendy playoff pick, and for good reason: The Lions seem to finally have a plan and played better at the end of last season, winning a truly ugly game over the Packers and sending another longtime foe to the retirement home for good. Now if they can just keep Matthew Stafford upright...
Chicago — The Bears improved the least of the NFC North teams, as they seemed to follow the route of bringing in guys nobody else wanted because they aren't any good anymore (Roy Williams, Marion Barber III) or never were (Vernon Gholston). Plus, Jay Cutler's head is in question again after the NFC title game where he may or may not have begged off with a knee injury, and the offensive line, while improved over the second half of last season, remains a work in progress.
Minnesota — But let's say this: Fourth could be 8-8. The collapses of Brett Favre and the Metrodome, respectively, overshadowed the fact that pretty much every Viking of significance had a worse 2010 than 2009. Interestingly, new quarterback Donovan McNabb also fits into this category, and he'll want to prove he still has plenty left in his tank.
NFC SOUTH
(3) New Orleans — Made history in the bad way at the end of the season by losing to the under-.500 Seahawks in the playoffs. (The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways.) The Saints' offense will ensure they're always dangerous, but they'll need the defense to return to its Super Bowl-winning form.
(6) Atlanta — Still licking their wounds after being eviscerated by the Packers in the playoffs, the Falcons made a big draft-day move to get rookie receiver Julio Jones, putting a lot on his shoulders. Free agent DE Ray Edwards will help the pass rush, but given the high-octane offenses they'll face this season, they'll also need their cornerbacks to prove last year wasn't a fluke.
Tampa Bay — Pundits were concerned that the Bucs, who went a shocking 10-6 but missed the playoffs last year, didn't ride the momentum and use their cap room to upgrade at some weak positions. They may take a step back because the two teams above them are still better than them (and, like the Chiefs, they no longer have the element of surprise), but this is a young squad that looks like it's getting better.
Carolina — Ron Rivera gets his first shot at a head coaching job four years after his name was the hottest one out there. Fittingly, he has a rookie, No. 1 overall pick Cam Newton, at quarterback. The Panthers did well to keep the few good players they have in the fold, giving them something to rebuild around. But can Newton succeed at this level?
NFC WEST
(4) St. Louis — Basically by default. Quarterback Sam Bradford was better than some people expected last year, Steven Jackson had another solid season, and Danny Amendola somehow caught 85 passes, having arguably the most unremarkable "very good year" in the history of the sport. Late last year this division seemed to become theirs to lose, and this year there's no reason to think they won't actually win it.
Arizona — The Cardinals gave up a lot to get Kevin Kolb and his seven career starts, but they had to do something after running Derek Anderson, Max Hall and John Skelton out there last season (they'd have gotten equal production out of Louie Anderson, Monty Hall and Red Skelton). Of bigger worry might be the rest of their offense, as Larry Fitzgerald will be facing the same triple-teams that Steve Smith 1.0 is.
San Francisco — The Alex Smith era improbably continues as the Jim Harbaugh one begins
In a nice touch, the 49ers visit Jim's brother John's Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving night.
Seattle — After their surprising, and, some would say, blasphemous playoff appearance last year, the Seahawks seemed to have designs on legitimizing themselves, bringing in ex-Vikings WR Sidney Rice and underrated tight end Zach Miller. Or at least you would have thought that had they not also signed QB Tarvaris Jackson and named him the starter. Now it seems they have designs on Andrew Luck.
AFC EAST
(2) New England — Chad Ochocinco? Albert Haynesworth? It's not like Bill Belichick hasn't taken on other teams' problem children before, but you can legitimately wonder how much Chad has left and if Haynesworth is in any kind of shape to be the dominant force he has been at times. Also, it's unlikely Tom Brady will have the same kind of season he had last year... but it's not impossible. Though it might actually be for the best that he doesn't, as that would mean that the Pats have the balance back that helped them win three Super Bowls last decade.
(6) N.Y. Jets — Another year, another conference title game loss. It seems to me that the Jets are going to have to figure out how to win the division if they want to get to the Super Bowl. Replacing Braylon Edwards with Plaxico Burress was eh. It's the nonexistent pass rush that should concern Jets fans — as good as Darrelle Revis is, he can still only cover one man at a time.
Buffalo — The best hope for Bills fans is that Harvard man Ryan Fitzpatrick throws for over 3,000 yards again. Because the only thing worse than being bad is being boring on top of it, and the Bills haven't been a good team for a decade and that may not change anytime soon.
Miami — Let's see: The owner doesn't want the coach. The coach doesn't want the quarterback. How is this a good situation again? It's not like there isn't talent here (more than the Bills, to be completely honest, and Reggie Bush will help), but this level of dysfunction would make Al Davis either proud or envious. That 11-5 season seems so long ago.
AFC NORTH
(1) Pittsburgh — The Steelers didn't make many significant changes to a team that got to the Super Bowl, and why would you? Although, bad things tend to happen to Super Bowl losers, so we'll see. Still, that trend's been bucked in recent years, and the Steelers are good enough and their schedule easy enough to smash the doomsayers' expectations. Just as long as they don't lead with their helmets.
(5) Baltimore — We could almost put last year's capsule here. Two big question marks: The back of their defense, which still appears to be held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment, and Joe Flacco's inability to play well against the Steelers in the playoffs.
Cleveland — Colt McCoy wasn't supposed to play last year. But Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace were... Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace (and also injured) so the rookie stepped in and was surprisingly not horrible given the absolute dearth of talent around him on both sides of the ball. Steps were taken, but they might be playing a waiting game in Cleveland. Plus, the Madden Curse, of all things, is in play. For the Browns. Think about that for a minute. But not any longer because your stomach will explode.
Cincinnati — Mike Brown called Carson Palmer's bluff. Problem is, Carson Palmer wasn't bluffing. So now rookie Andy Dalton takes the reins of what could be not only the worst team in the league, but also — with Chad gone to New England and T.O. just gone — probably the most boring. Coach Marvin Lewis is probably wishing he'd taken the Pitt job.
AFC SOUTH
(4) Houston — Last year was supposed to be the year, and the fact that we've been saying that three years running now is its own set of problems. What stopped the Texans last year was a truly horrible defense, especially against the pass, so they brought Wade Phillips from upstate Dallas to help fix it. But Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster aside, here are the brass tacks: If it doesn't happen this year, it's not happening until Peyton retires. Speaking OF Peyton...
Indianapolis — ...the lockout really screwed up his neck surgery and recovery as he couldn't work with the team trainers. Of course, it was bad enough that he was coming off neck surgery in the first place. Granted, Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are still around, and they actually spent some money to bring in some defensive help. But make no mistake, Peyton's the key to this whole thing, and if this lingers and Kerry Collins shows he should have stayed retired, this could get ugly fast.
Tennessee — Faced with a choice between Jeff Fisher and Vince Young, owner Bud Adams let them both go, promoting assistant and former Oilers lineman Mike Munchak. Also new is quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who is here to help rookie Jake Locker get ready. Chris Johnson remains one of the league's premier running backs, but their defense was also bad last year and they didn't do a whole lot to make it better.
Jacksonville — Oh boy. They cut would-be starting quarterback David Garrard five days before the opener to save $8 million, then installed Luke McCown as the starter to keep the seat warm for top pick Blaine Gabbert, who I really think is going to be a bust. Coach Jack del Rio is probably wishing he'd taken the USC job.
AFC WEST
(3) San Diego — I'm willing to accept last year as an aberration caused by several contract disputes involving key players, all of which have been resolved in one fashion or another. Expect Philip Rivers to continue to put up numbers as the Chargers return to the top of the division only to promptly stall out in the playoffs, as is their wont.
Kansas City — Last year's surprise division champions no longer have that element working for them, and quarterback Matt Cassel's rib injury... complicates things. But they found a pass rush and added more speed on offense (WR Steve Breaston may end up being the best signing that nobody talked about), which should be enough to stay respectable.
Oakland — Darren McFadden finally had the season Raiders fans have been waiting for. They swept the division but still only went 8-8, sending loser in football and life Tom Cable out the door and kicking offensive coordinator Hue Jackson upstairs, which also means Jason Campbell won't be looking over his shoulder anymore. But they lost their best defensive player and their second-best offensive player, so they'll be fortunate to tread water.
Denver — Josh McDaniels inherited a mediocre team and was fired from a terrible one, so the Broncos brought in John Fox, fresh off helping botch the Panthers' last two seasons, to pick up the too-few pieces. We like ridiculing the Raiders for their seemingly endless parade of boneheaded personnel moves, but the Broncos' record over the last few years is just as bad. (The 2003 and 2007 drafts alone will make you want to curl up into the fetal position.) Though No. 2 overall pick Von Miller should help a beleaguered defense, it's the beginning of a long road back.
WILD CARD ROUND
NFC: Detroit over St. Louis; New Orleans over Atlanta
AFC: N.Y. Jets over San Diego; Baltimore over Houston
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
NFC: Philadelphia over New Orleans; Green Bay over Detroit
AFC: Pittsburgh over Baltimore: New England over N.Y. Jets
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
NFC: Green Bay over Philadelphia
AFC: New England over Pittsburgh
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
Green Bay over New England
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