Signal Finder: JAX @ NYJ, OAK @ BUF (end), CHI @ NO, SD @ NE
East Rutherford Office Complex, hello! Rather clinical opening drive for the Jets there. Safety! You'd think the Jets would get more of those. Sanchex should have thrown that one somewhere else. And McCown should have thrown that one somewhere else. The Jets' right tackle who was getting blown up all last week has become a human penalty flag this time around. That's at least three. The Jags look sluggish. It feels like Shonn Greene just isn't getting there yet. Conversely, it feels like Dustin Keller's finally arrived. The Jags have gone from sluggish to incompetent. Let's check this replay and I don't think Cromartie made it. Yep, ball at the 1. Luke McCown, ladies and gentlemen... Luke McCown. Friends, we are witnessing a career-ending performance. And here's Blaine Gabbert, who I don't expect to do any better. I suppose I should explain this while I'm waiting for Channel 3 to switch games: He wasn't any kind of star in college (think a less well-known Matthew Stafford), didn't have anything about his game that stood out in relation to the other quarterbacks in this draft, nobody was even talking about him as a first-rounder until Andrew Luck decided he preferred Palo Alto to Charlotte, and once that happened, he made a Mike Mamula-esque meteoric rise up all the draft boards. That is the recipe for a draft bust. Are we done here? Yes? Good. (Jets 32, Jaguars 3)
Looks like we've walked into a barnburner here. The Raiders are apparently down three receivers. The Bills were down 18 points before breaking off three straight touchdowns. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Has there been a punt in this half? There hasn't been one since I started watching. (There was one before the switchover.) Who is Scott Chandler and why does he already have 18 touchdown catches this year? (I'm exaggerating. Mostly.) Darren McFadden is a pass-catching beast. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Chris Johnson's bad day gets worse as he drops a pick in the end zone. Touchdown Bills! And how does Nelson get that wide open in that spot? But there's still time (to get into better Hail Mary position if nothing else.) Here we go... someone caught that? Who's got it? Who's got it? The Bills have it! Fun footnote: The booth actually reviewed that play for 10 minutes and announced it was upheld after almost all the fans had left. How did this end up being the best game of the week? (Bills 38, Raiders 35)
grabs invisible megaphone "Attention fantasy football players worldwide: Bench all Colts until further notice. I repeat: Bench all Colts until further notice. Thank you." (Browns 27, Colts 19)
You know how on sitcoms, when someone offscreen is getting badly beaten up or just somehow taking an inordinate amount of damage, and the characters on screen are wincing, recoiling, and shielding their faces with their arms because it's too violent to watch? That's what watching Jay Cutler get beaten down was like. (Saints 30, Bears 13)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Lions 48, Chiefs 3
I see the Cowboys still haven't solved their kicking problems. So wait, Smith drops the snap, gets it back, throws up a wounded duck and the Cowboys get flagged for interference? That's Raideresque. Talk about a reversal of fortunes — Bailey hits from 48 after missing from 21 on the opening drive, then Romo atones for last week's debacle. Though you have to wonder about the state of affairs when a guy who was only in camp because he won a reality show no one watched not only eventually makes the roster, but ends up making the key play in overtime. (Cowboys 27, 49ers 24, OT)
Three touchdown passes for Tom Brady? What, again? *yawn* I don't think he's ever lost to the Chargers. And after seeing the Vince Wilfork rumble, let me just say this: if he's 325 pounds, Gisele's a 6. (Patriots 35, Chargers 21)
Nice catch by White in the back of the end zone. I assume Dunta Robinson's getting at least fined for that — he led with his helmet and his arms were at his sides, making zero attempt to wrap up. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I can't tell if that was an actual interception or not, and Les Bowen's going berserk on Twitter: "The obvious TD they replay four times but they can't show the 'pick' once?" Cullen Jenkins has been blowing things up tonight. So what happened? Ah, Vick got knocked into Herremans and their helmets clanged. "The thornbush is the old obstacle in the road. It must catch fire if you want to go further." Oh, wait, wrong Kafka. Although the Falcons' defense could be considered a thornbush and it's definitely been on fire tonight (and not in a good way if you're a Falcons fan) Well, they had been keeping Turner in check. Say what you ant about Andy Reid, but his backup quarterbacks have always been prepared. Kafka's played pretty well all things considered. And Maclin... drops it? He catches 13 and drops the easiest one he gets? Dear Lord. Yeah, this one got away from the Eagles. Yet, had they won, I'd probably be saying the same thing about the Falcons. And I'm not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. (Falcons 35, Eagles 31)
FANTASY REPORT
apa2011 (1-1, L1): Dustin Keller? Danario Alexander? Yeah, that' s 29 points left on the bench in a nine-point loss where Dez Bryant didn't play and Zach Miller (Seattle) might as well not have.
JackSux 10 (2-0, W2): Fred Jackson went off as part of the berserker barrage that was Raiders-Bills. I will also take 37 from Drew Brees and 22 from Ryan Mathews.
KeyStar V (2-0, W2): The star here was Mike Wallace, scoring a game-high 23 points.
HPSux Bad QB League (1-1, L1): I guess it's only really a "loss" in the sense that I scored fewer points than the other team. Campbell's big day against the Bills was good for negative points. That's the kindof league this is.
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