Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: The Biggest of Ups (and Downs)
Nice weather, which befits/is causing the slow start by both teams. Pick up the ball, Lewis. You're better than that. And why can't Colston seem to hold on to anything so far? This is starting to look like a 15-6 game, I'll tell you what. Well, this is interesting: after Benson had been getting all the carries so far as he's more of a straight-ahead runner in these field conditions, they've brought Jones in on this drive and the Saints can't reel him in. When was the last time Rex completed a pass? Man, the Bears just ran down the field on them. You ever notice how two-minute drills never get stopped at, say, midfield? Teams either get stuffed on the first set of downs or they go right down the field.
Let's see what the Saints have left. How about that! REG-GIE. REG-GIE. Yeah, nobody's catching him; stop trying to sell it. Seriously, when was the last time Rex completed a pass? At the same time, Brees has been unusually streaky. Is that snow? Advantage Bears, you have to think. Oh, there's one. Intentional grounding in the end zone? That's Aaron Brooks-esque. There's no reason for that. Did the tide just turn? Oh, wait, now it did. Great catch by Berrian. Fred Thomas is getting used and abused. I'd ask "Don't they have anyone better" but I've been saying all year that the Saints are going to get wrecked by the deep ball, and I'm kind of surprised the Bears haven't taken more shots, since Rex has a good deep ball. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now they're just piling on.
Here we go again. And the Patriots' luckbox is activated and in full effect tonight, as the Colts had that fumble only to lose it again and Mankins fell on it in the end zone. Now that both teams have marched down the field on each other, let's see who breaks first. And the answer to that question is Asante Samuel jumping the route and going to the proverbial house. Now that the game's over, let's talk about how much money he just made. Nice job by Simms to point out on the replay that Samuel knew he could gamble on the route because he had safety help. I mean, it's not so much that the Colts can't come back, but the odds of the Patriots letting them come back are infinitesimal. That's the big thing. And you can see it right here; the Colts are completely fried. Although, that's a clutch hold by the defense complete with the sack by Brock. Uh, how about a flag or something on that corner end zone pass to Wayne? Something? Anything? I think Dungy decided to kick the field goal there just to talk Peyton off the ledge.
The game hinges on this drive. Right here. Rhodes has gotten some key runs on this drive. Harrison never drops that pass. Ever. Aaron Moorehead? Touchdown! We've got something resembling a game again. You know who's been huge is Clark - he's the one making all the big plays downfield. Is this the Patriots' defense this is happening to? And Hobbs doesn't help matters by basically playing Secret Service agent and blocking that pass with his back. Dan Klecko! That's right out of the Patriots' book using an ex-Patriot! Of course, the last thing you want to do after a comeback like that is to give up a big kickoff return. This team is snakebitten. I'm convinced. I'm not sure what the Colts are challenging there but I don't think it'll matter. Dallas Clark AGAIN! Are you kidding me? The Colts get one back under the same set of circumstances that the Pats scored their first touchdown? Now you're seriously got to wonder if this is it. If this is the game that it happens.
Stop giving them field position, please. Somebody get out there on Caldwell. Somebody. Anybody. I'm not sure who's in the bigger frenzy: the Pats' sideline, the Colts' sideline, or the announcers. Oh my God, he dropped it. Let's remember: the Chargers didn't want Caldwell anymore. Also, the Pats have too many Spurrier-coached Florida wideouts, who've had just as much success in the NFL as Spurrier-coached Florida quarterbacks. Also, why have they stopped running the ball? And now is the time where we trade field goals for no apparent reason. What's that about Peyton's thumb? Jim Sorgi? "Stay ready?" I don't like the sound of that. Ooooooohhhh! "My First Name Isn't Really Bob" Sanders almost had that one.
OK, the only people who can't be rooting for Peyton at this point are Patriots fans and people WITHOUT SOULS. Why am I nervous? Seriously, this is the most nervous I've been watching a football game that the Eagles weren't in that I can remember. Bryan Fletcher? Really? How much time left? Roughing the passer? Where? Oh, a shot to the head. All right. I'm not sure about suddenly deciding to run the ball down here. And that's why I'm not a head coach. TOUCHDOWN!!!!! And I have to believe they were going for it on fourth down or they would have passed on third. Brady's still got time, though Vinatieri can't help him now even if he was still there. MARLIN JACKSON FOR THE WIN!!!! Now FALL DOWN. From another board: "Blue-on-Blue crime." (They're both Michigan guys.) Butch: "IT'S MORNING AGAIN IN AMERICA!"
Everything has changed. Also, BLACK POWER.
Let's see what the Saints have left. How about that! REG-GIE. REG-GIE. Yeah, nobody's catching him; stop trying to sell it. Seriously, when was the last time Rex completed a pass? At the same time, Brees has been unusually streaky. Is that snow? Advantage Bears, you have to think. Oh, there's one. Intentional grounding in the end zone? That's Aaron Brooks-esque. There's no reason for that. Did the tide just turn? Oh, wait, now it did. Great catch by Berrian. Fred Thomas is getting used and abused. I'd ask "Don't they have anyone better" but I've been saying all year that the Saints are going to get wrecked by the deep ball, and I'm kind of surprised the Bears haven't taken more shots, since Rex has a good deep ball. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Now they're just piling on.
Here we go again. And the Patriots' luckbox is activated and in full effect tonight, as the Colts had that fumble only to lose it again and Mankins fell on it in the end zone. Now that both teams have marched down the field on each other, let's see who breaks first. And the answer to that question is Asante Samuel jumping the route and going to the proverbial house. Now that the game's over, let's talk about how much money he just made. Nice job by Simms to point out on the replay that Samuel knew he could gamble on the route because he had safety help. I mean, it's not so much that the Colts can't come back, but the odds of the Patriots letting them come back are infinitesimal. That's the big thing. And you can see it right here; the Colts are completely fried. Although, that's a clutch hold by the defense complete with the sack by Brock. Uh, how about a flag or something on that corner end zone pass to Wayne? Something? Anything? I think Dungy decided to kick the field goal there just to talk Peyton off the ledge.
The game hinges on this drive. Right here. Rhodes has gotten some key runs on this drive. Harrison never drops that pass. Ever. Aaron Moorehead? Touchdown! We've got something resembling a game again. You know who's been huge is Clark - he's the one making all the big plays downfield. Is this the Patriots' defense this is happening to? And Hobbs doesn't help matters by basically playing Secret Service agent and blocking that pass with his back. Dan Klecko! That's right out of the Patriots' book using an ex-Patriot! Of course, the last thing you want to do after a comeback like that is to give up a big kickoff return. This team is snakebitten. I'm convinced. I'm not sure what the Colts are challenging there but I don't think it'll matter. Dallas Clark AGAIN! Are you kidding me? The Colts get one back under the same set of circumstances that the Pats scored their first touchdown? Now you're seriously got to wonder if this is it. If this is the game that it happens.
Stop giving them field position, please. Somebody get out there on Caldwell. Somebody. Anybody. I'm not sure who's in the bigger frenzy: the Pats' sideline, the Colts' sideline, or the announcers. Oh my God, he dropped it. Let's remember: the Chargers didn't want Caldwell anymore. Also, the Pats have too many Spurrier-coached Florida wideouts, who've had just as much success in the NFL as Spurrier-coached Florida quarterbacks. Also, why have they stopped running the ball? And now is the time where we trade field goals for no apparent reason. What's that about Peyton's thumb? Jim Sorgi? "Stay ready?" I don't like the sound of that. Ooooooohhhh! "My First Name Isn't Really Bob" Sanders almost had that one.
OK, the only people who can't be rooting for Peyton at this point are Patriots fans and people WITHOUT SOULS. Why am I nervous? Seriously, this is the most nervous I've been watching a football game that the Eagles weren't in that I can remember. Bryan Fletcher? Really? How much time left? Roughing the passer? Where? Oh, a shot to the head. All right. I'm not sure about suddenly deciding to run the ball down here. And that's why I'm not a head coach. TOUCHDOWN!!!!! And I have to believe they were going for it on fourth down or they would have passed on third. Brady's still got time, though Vinatieri can't help him now even if he was still there. MARLIN JACKSON FOR THE WIN!!!! Now FALL DOWN. From another board: "Blue-on-Blue crime." (They're both Michigan guys.) Butch: "IT'S MORNING AGAIN IN AMERICA!"
Everything has changed. Also, BLACK POWER.
Monday, January 15, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: I'M IN UR INTERNETZ, ANALYZIN UR PLAYOFFS
This is gonna be another one of those games, isn't it? I can see it now. I'm pretty sure the Ravens can't afford to drop interceptions like that. That's how you do it. Something's wrong with Peyton. WTF McNair. Way to throw it into coverage, but why is Billick calling a pass on 3rd and goal from the 4 when the Ravens just ran down the field on the Colts? Especially in a game that's starting to look like whoever can actually get a touchdown will win it? Vinaitieri's getting a good workout, I'll say that much. Wow, again Ray inadvertently deflects what would have been a sure interception. Do the Ravens not want to win this game? Is that what it is? I'm wondering a couple things. One, how did Clark not drop that; and two, how did that not get picked off? Peyton's played C-plus football at best in these playoffs and yet the Colts are in the championship game. It can't just be having Bob Sanders back.
GORE! GORE! GORE! And you know it's a vicious hit when even the slow motion replay looks like it hurts. He is dizzy at best. Do they chant "Deuuuuuuuce" in New Orleans? I don't remember. If they don't, they should. Is this the early game again? Who says Garcia can't throw the deep ball? And remember that I told you the first time these teams played that that would be the Saints' biggest weakness on defense. As for the Eagles' biggest weakness on defense, well, you're looking at it. Can we have that looked at, please? He didn't make it? Oh, fine. Here. That's a good job by the punter to pull that down and jet because Barber was about to literally plant him right in the turf. TOUCHDOWN WESTBROOK. It's about time points started being scored. The Saints are like the Colts in that they seem to just pull guys out of the crowd and they make big catches. I've never heard of half of these people. What happened to Andrews? The second McAllister touchdown gave me bad flashbacks to the DeShaun Foster touchdown in '04 where he dragged about five guys with him into the end zone. Why are the Eagles passing to the fullback in the flat on 3rd and goal from the 4? Eh, plenty of time yet. Will someone please make a stop? FUMBLE! But the Eagles don't help themselves by running in place afterwards. There we go. What? Oh, dear Lord. What? Why is the punt team out on the field? OK, that was bad. Sub-optimal at best. But the worst decision ever? It probably depends on what you think the difference between 4th and 10 and 4th and 15 is in that spot, but as far as the "worst decision ever" talk, I say no - Mike Martz hitting the brakes in the '04 playoffs against Carolina cost the Rams a game they were going to win.
This will all depend on which Rex shows up. If it's Good Rex, the Bears can and should attack the Seahawks' secondary all day. Kinda like that. And especially like that. When did Hester forget how to catch a punt? Uh-oh, shades of Bad Rex. Fourth and one? Yeah, go for it, why not. Nice push by the line. I see Lovie's been taking notes. Jones walking in untouched was sick. LOL at Rex calling Pete Hunter "the loan officer". (He's actually from down here, and was also prepping for a test to become a border agent or something when the Seahawks called him.) Jennings is getting used and abused. This is a little like the Westbrook punt return touchdown that wasn't last week. What's with the weird spots and all the measurements happening during the commercial breaks? Do you go for it here? I say no. Holmgren disagrees. Alexander gets stuffed. I'd like to know why the Bears, with all three time outs, aren't running the ball here to eat clock. That took all of 16 seconds to go nowhere. How does Hasselbeck take a sack there? Oh. Big ups to Fox for going right to the over-the-shoulder wide shot to show that everybody was covered. Hello, overtime. What an awful punt. Game over!
The Chargers so far have been really good at giving the Patriots truly horrendous field position. The clock operator is struggling. That's about the third or fourth time already. Why is Marty going for it on 4th and 11? Wow, that got reversed? Oh, I see ... Gates never really had control of it in the first place. Touchdown LDT. That's what he does. Simms was saying at the start of the game how the Patriots had to keep LDT on the inside, and it sure didn't happen there. Jabar Gaffney? Really? This game is way too close right now. Just FALL ON IT. Don't get fancy, don't try to pick it up and salvage some yards, just fall on the ball. That's what happens. What? You're gonna get up in a tight end's face and try to headbutt him? (I say "try" because it's never clear if he actually made contact or not.) What are you, an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. (I don't know how that's considered "unnecessary roughness", though. Personal foul I can see, but no need to get that specific.) That may have been the worst 62-second stretch in Chargers history. And yet the Patriots can't seem to close the gap. Hey, it's that Tomlinson guy again. Untouched, no less. Brady's looked flat-out ordinary up to this point ... let's see if he's still got it. And there's another intercept- oh. You can't fault the guy for catching it, since that's your first instinct when the ball comes your way unexpectedly. But ... wait for it ... PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously, Jabar Gaffney? (As Nantz told the story, he was living in my hometown after the Eagles cut him in camp, possibly in Irving Fryar's garage.) DIRECT SNAP TO FAULK. Can the Chargers catch a pass? Where is Keenan McCardell? The same cave as Rod Smith? And even after all of that, this isn't impossible for the Chargers. You've got eight seconds left! Run a play! Get closer! GAH. If Mike Matusow ran twice as bad as he thinks he does, he still wouldn't even be close to running nearly as bad as Marty has in the playoffs for 20 years. I'm pretty sure his players just got him fired.
GORE! GORE! GORE! And you know it's a vicious hit when even the slow motion replay looks like it hurts. He is dizzy at best. Do they chant "Deuuuuuuuce" in New Orleans? I don't remember. If they don't, they should. Is this the early game again? Who says Garcia can't throw the deep ball? And remember that I told you the first time these teams played that that would be the Saints' biggest weakness on defense. As for the Eagles' biggest weakness on defense, well, you're looking at it. Can we have that looked at, please? He didn't make it? Oh, fine. Here. That's a good job by the punter to pull that down and jet because Barber was about to literally plant him right in the turf. TOUCHDOWN WESTBROOK. It's about time points started being scored. The Saints are like the Colts in that they seem to just pull guys out of the crowd and they make big catches. I've never heard of half of these people. What happened to Andrews? The second McAllister touchdown gave me bad flashbacks to the DeShaun Foster touchdown in '04 where he dragged about five guys with him into the end zone. Why are the Eagles passing to the fullback in the flat on 3rd and goal from the 4? Eh, plenty of time yet. Will someone please make a stop? FUMBLE! But the Eagles don't help themselves by running in place afterwards. There we go. What? Oh, dear Lord. What? Why is the punt team out on the field? OK, that was bad. Sub-optimal at best. But the worst decision ever? It probably depends on what you think the difference between 4th and 10 and 4th and 15 is in that spot, but as far as the "worst decision ever" talk, I say no - Mike Martz hitting the brakes in the '04 playoffs against Carolina cost the Rams a game they were going to win.
This will all depend on which Rex shows up. If it's Good Rex, the Bears can and should attack the Seahawks' secondary all day. Kinda like that. And especially like that. When did Hester forget how to catch a punt? Uh-oh, shades of Bad Rex. Fourth and one? Yeah, go for it, why not. Nice push by the line. I see Lovie's been taking notes. Jones walking in untouched was sick. LOL at Rex calling Pete Hunter "the loan officer". (He's actually from down here, and was also prepping for a test to become a border agent or something when the Seahawks called him.) Jennings is getting used and abused. This is a little like the Westbrook punt return touchdown that wasn't last week. What's with the weird spots and all the measurements happening during the commercial breaks? Do you go for it here? I say no. Holmgren disagrees. Alexander gets stuffed. I'd like to know why the Bears, with all three time outs, aren't running the ball here to eat clock. That took all of 16 seconds to go nowhere. How does Hasselbeck take a sack there? Oh. Big ups to Fox for going right to the over-the-shoulder wide shot to show that everybody was covered. Hello, overtime. What an awful punt. Game over!
The Chargers so far have been really good at giving the Patriots truly horrendous field position. The clock operator is struggling. That's about the third or fourth time already. Why is Marty going for it on 4th and 11? Wow, that got reversed? Oh, I see ... Gates never really had control of it in the first place. Touchdown LDT. That's what he does. Simms was saying at the start of the game how the Patriots had to keep LDT on the inside, and it sure didn't happen there. Jabar Gaffney? Really? This game is way too close right now. Just FALL ON IT. Don't get fancy, don't try to pick it up and salvage some yards, just fall on the ball. That's what happens. What? You're gonna get up in a tight end's face and try to headbutt him? (I say "try" because it's never clear if he actually made contact or not.) What are you, an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. (I don't know how that's considered "unnecessary roughness", though. Personal foul I can see, but no need to get that specific.) That may have been the worst 62-second stretch in Chargers history. And yet the Patriots can't seem to close the gap. Hey, it's that Tomlinson guy again. Untouched, no less. Brady's looked flat-out ordinary up to this point ... let's see if he's still got it. And there's another intercept- oh. You can't fault the guy for catching it, since that's your first instinct when the ball comes your way unexpectedly. But ... wait for it ... PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously, Jabar Gaffney? (As Nantz told the story, he was living in my hometown after the Eagles cut him in camp, possibly in Irving Fryar's garage.) DIRECT SNAP TO FAULK. Can the Chargers catch a pass? Where is Keenan McCardell? The same cave as Rod Smith? And even after all of that, this isn't impossible for the Chargers. You've got eight seconds left! Run a play! Get closer! GAH. If Mike Matusow ran twice as bad as he thinks he does, he still wouldn't even be close to running nearly as bad as Marty has in the playoffs for 20 years. I'm pretty sure his players just got him fired.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Joker's Wild (Cards)
It's the battle of two movable objects. Last time these two teams hooked up in the playoffs, nobody punted and the last score was a rushing touchdown, of all things. What's with all the field goals? How does LJ not already have 150 yards? Ty Law:Peyton Manning::Ronde Barber:Donovan McNabb. Nice balance, Trent. And way to utterly squander first and goal at the 9. Wow, Peyton's having issues. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. So are the Chiefs what with the no first downs whatsoever and we're in the second half. It's a good thing Addai's shown up. Ah, that's what we came to see. Looks like the Chiefs have finally gotten their act together. First down! What's the Indy version of the Bronx cheer? Who are these guys? Seriously. Hey, a Reggie Wayne sighting! This game's moving at a good clip. I think everyone forgot that the Chiefs still can't stop people on a regular basis. Credit to the Colts, though; Johnson did absolutely nothing. Though if Peyton throws three picks against the Ravens, 9-0 might be the final.
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game since '96? That can't be right, can it? Anyway, these two have produced some borderline great games in recent years, like the Bucs and Rams about 10 years ago, but I'm not sure I see one happening in their current states. This is how the first game started, isn't it? PLONK. Nice two-minute drill by Romo at the end of the half. That's discouraging. That's also the only real drive either team has had. How have Glenn and T.O. not lit up the Seahawks' secondary, which is full of guys brought in literally off the street at this point? It's gotten so bad on kick returns that you have to wait for one of the announcers to actually say "no flags" before you can celebrate taking one to the proverbial house. I don't know; I think I might have kicked the field goal in that spot. Uh-oh, Jones is going off in the fourth quarter and everyone's having flashbacks to two years ago. How did they not get that? Clutch grab by Engram, followed by Newman lowering himself to the level of his secondary mates. I'm not sure I wouldn't have kicked the field goal here, either. You have to get something. And I certainly wouldn't have called a play for whoever that was Hasselbeck ended up throwing to. I also wouldn't have come back with this if I'm the Cowboys. Holy crap! Parcells has to find something to challenge here besides his own playcalling. That's about the best outcome they could've gotten considering the circumstances. Oh, look, a Cowboys safety getting burned in deep coverage. That's never happened before. The big run by Jones just gave Holmgren another heart attack. That's a very generous spot - he didn't get that first down. Aaaand the officials get it right. What the...? Don't let him score. Don't let him score! Ho. Ly. Shit. What happened? Would Vanderjagt have thrown a backside block? (I doubt it.) Wow, that's worse than the Bengals' game in Denver ... Romo just dropped it. Would they bring Bledsoe in if they end up far enough away that they need his deep arm? Never mind. Best Unprintable Line Of The Weekend: "The only person that choked worse than Tony Romo this week was Saddam Hussein."
(And how about "PLAYOFFS!?!" getting a second life thanks to Coors Light? It even works in the context!)
"Jerricho Cotchery" is the strangest name ever, right? Top 10 at least? Hey, the Jets are in the lead! And the Pats have dropped some bombs at home, so one never knows. Brady doesn't make his money with his feet, I'll tell you that much. Kevin Faulk's still alive? It's been him and Maroney on this drive. The Jets spent halftime counting their blessings that they're tied. All this shifting the Jets are doing can't possibly be legal, right? They've got four or five guys moving on every play. LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. And notice on the replays how it's an obvious backward pass and how Wilfork immediately headed for the ball. Look closely and you can see the Patriots coaches yelling on the sideline. And even then, the Jets hold them to a field goal. This isn't over, people. Is this a career game for Reche Caldwell? Now it's over. The score's really not indicative of how this game went, especially considering the Jets were never expected to even be in this spot.
A Jared Lorenzen sighting? W.T.F.? That's almost like Seneca catching a pass for the Seahawks last night. Well, that's an inauspicious start, yet it's also exactly what Eli needed. I'd like to point out that Reno Mahe's only still on the team because Jeremy Bloom got hurt in camp - that's his spot otherwise. You know what I'd like is some better starting field position. Thumbs up for Westbrook's pinball impression and the downfield blocking by the receivers. Also, nobody can tackle anymore but you knew that. And that's exactly what Eli didn't need. Somebody tackle Tiki, please! I'm so glad he's retiring. But this is where the Eagles have actually been at their best recently: making their opponents settle for field goals. How does Runyan not get flagged twice there? If it's a regular season game, he probably gets tossed, but officials don't like to throw players out of playoff games, plus Cofield retaliated. The "Westbrook as occasional punt returner" angle hasn't gotten nearly enough play. He must have seen the flag because he just sort of pulled up after he got to the end zone. That's a clutch hold by Koy on the high snap. (How wrong is it that I have to draw attention to that? Especially since he was brought back last week for that sole purpose.) I know Tiki's got a lot of yards, but it doesn't seem like the Giants are running the ball enough. Three flags in a row? Do the Giants want to win this game? Plaxico again! The Eagles cannot cover him. He's actually showing up in a playoff game for once, which is a miracle in itself. Not only is Westbrook the new Tiki, but he's become to the Giants what Tiki was to the Eagles. There's too much time lef... oh, OK. Never mind. This hold is going to be crucial. It's GOOD. Godspeed, Tiki. Coughlin's still getting fired, right?
The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game since '96? That can't be right, can it? Anyway, these two have produced some borderline great games in recent years, like the Bucs and Rams about 10 years ago, but I'm not sure I see one happening in their current states. This is how the first game started, isn't it? PLONK. Nice two-minute drill by Romo at the end of the half. That's discouraging. That's also the only real drive either team has had. How have Glenn and T.O. not lit up the Seahawks' secondary, which is full of guys brought in literally off the street at this point? It's gotten so bad on kick returns that you have to wait for one of the announcers to actually say "no flags" before you can celebrate taking one to the proverbial house. I don't know; I think I might have kicked the field goal in that spot. Uh-oh, Jones is going off in the fourth quarter and everyone's having flashbacks to two years ago. How did they not get that? Clutch grab by Engram, followed by Newman lowering himself to the level of his secondary mates. I'm not sure I wouldn't have kicked the field goal here, either. You have to get something. And I certainly wouldn't have called a play for whoever that was Hasselbeck ended up throwing to. I also wouldn't have come back with this if I'm the Cowboys. Holy crap! Parcells has to find something to challenge here besides his own playcalling. That's about the best outcome they could've gotten considering the circumstances. Oh, look, a Cowboys safety getting burned in deep coverage. That's never happened before. The big run by Jones just gave Holmgren another heart attack. That's a very generous spot - he didn't get that first down. Aaaand the officials get it right. What the...? Don't let him score. Don't let him score! Ho. Ly. Shit. What happened? Would Vanderjagt have thrown a backside block? (I doubt it.) Wow, that's worse than the Bengals' game in Denver ... Romo just dropped it. Would they bring Bledsoe in if they end up far enough away that they need his deep arm? Never mind. Best Unprintable Line Of The Weekend: "The only person that choked worse than Tony Romo this week was Saddam Hussein."
(And how about "PLAYOFFS!?!" getting a second life thanks to Coors Light? It even works in the context!)
"Jerricho Cotchery" is the strangest name ever, right? Top 10 at least? Hey, the Jets are in the lead! And the Pats have dropped some bombs at home, so one never knows. Brady doesn't make his money with his feet, I'll tell you that much. Kevin Faulk's still alive? It's been him and Maroney on this drive. The Jets spent halftime counting their blessings that they're tied. All this shifting the Jets are doing can't possibly be legal, right? They've got four or five guys moving on every play. LINEMEN RUNNING WITH THE FOOTBALL. And notice on the replays how it's an obvious backward pass and how Wilfork immediately headed for the ball. Look closely and you can see the Patriots coaches yelling on the sideline. And even then, the Jets hold them to a field goal. This isn't over, people. Is this a career game for Reche Caldwell? Now it's over. The score's really not indicative of how this game went, especially considering the Jets were never expected to even be in this spot.
A Jared Lorenzen sighting? W.T.F.? That's almost like Seneca catching a pass for the Seahawks last night. Well, that's an inauspicious start, yet it's also exactly what Eli needed. I'd like to point out that Reno Mahe's only still on the team because Jeremy Bloom got hurt in camp - that's his spot otherwise. You know what I'd like is some better starting field position. Thumbs up for Westbrook's pinball impression and the downfield blocking by the receivers. Also, nobody can tackle anymore but you knew that. And that's exactly what Eli didn't need. Somebody tackle Tiki, please! I'm so glad he's retiring. But this is where the Eagles have actually been at their best recently: making their opponents settle for field goals. How does Runyan not get flagged twice there? If it's a regular season game, he probably gets tossed, but officials don't like to throw players out of playoff games, plus Cofield retaliated. The "Westbrook as occasional punt returner" angle hasn't gotten nearly enough play. He must have seen the flag because he just sort of pulled up after he got to the end zone. That's a clutch hold by Koy on the high snap. (How wrong is it that I have to draw attention to that? Especially since he was brought back last week for that sole purpose.) I know Tiki's got a lot of yards, but it doesn't seem like the Giants are running the ball enough. Three flags in a row? Do the Giants want to win this game? Plaxico again! The Eagles cannot cover him. He's actually showing up in a playoff game for once, which is a miracle in itself. Not only is Westbrook the new Tiki, but he's become to the Giants what Tiki was to the Eagles. There's too much time lef... oh, OK. Never mind. This hold is going to be crucial. It's GOOD. Godspeed, Tiki. Coughlin's still getting fired, right?
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Safe Crackers
This is hardly a lock. Does anyone else already miss the late-season Saturday afternoon game? Yeah, Tiki running wild like this is the only way this isn't his swan song, as he's the only person on that offense I'd trust at this point. If winning this game and making the playoffs means Coughlin gets to keep his job, as an Eagles fan, I'm all for it.
Signal Finder: DET @ DAL, OAK @ NYJ, ATL @ PHI, SF @ DEN (end)
Wow. The endings these last two weeks have been ... vintage Bengals.
Worst Game Of The Decade Candidate: Browns-Texans.
Screw T.O., why isn't Mike Furrey in the Pro Bowl? What that guy's done is borderline historic. Although either of these defenses could probably use him on their side right now. And speaking of Pro Bowl snubs, I think Newman's problem is guilt by association because these other guys can't cover anybody. I know I called the Romo degradation about three weeks ago, but it shouldn't be happening against the Lions. The 'anointing oils' haven't just been put away, they've been poured down the sink. Mike Williams lives! OK, Romo's salvage job there was quality. I can't hate on that. You know who's good is Jason Hanson. De-NIED! And Eagles fans everywhere do a jig. Something else I just remembered is that the Lions did something similar to the Rams a few years ago. I think it might have cost them home field or something. Still, this should never have happened.
Fox switched us to the start of the Eagles game and Jason and I were trying to figure out a way the Eagles could draw Dallas in the first round. (The Giants winning made it impossible.) Then when the game started, we were trying to figure out if and when they'd pull the starters after the Dallas result was known. Turns out the answer to that was "almost immediately." I never did determine if Jeff is still with Carmella or not. Why are all of the backup running backs getting hurt? It'd still suck to lose. Oh, all right. Never mind. Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. Certainly not the way it did.
This is the one thing Jake was really good at, as I know all too well. Going back to earlier in this one, what was with the Broncos' offense turning into the Redskins' at the goal line? Three trips inside the 5 and you don't get jack? Horrible. You do that and you probably need to lose. Is that enough time for The Original Alex Smith? Not if he's gonna do that, it isn't. I can't remember there ever being a situation where a team only needed to tie to get a playoff berth and it actually ended up in a tie. Seriously, if the Niners get some talent, watch out because Smith is making progress. I can't blame Menefee for missing the call initially ... I couldn't tell if he'd made it the first time, either. What an ugly kick. And ... the Chiefs get in, making Broncos fans sick to their stomachs and causing the Colts to throw up in their mouths. Is it just me or did the Broncos' fold not get nearly enough press?
Why is Testaverde in the game? Are they trying to lose? The Titans would have gotten in if they'd won, but it's just as well ... they're not ready.
Wow. The Bears needed this like Chicago needs another fire. Would it be so bad to go straight to Orton? Would anyone really complain after this? I also figure Favre told his teammates: "Y'know, this might be it for me. These guys shut us out in the opener for the first time ever. We've owned them for about as long as I've been here, especially here. Let's do it one more time." You didn't ask me, but I think he's done.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (14-2) - Now they really need that bye week
2. Baltimore (13-3) - Who saw this one coming?
3. New Orleans (10-6) - Yay
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland (4-12) - Romeo needs to keep his job
31. Detroit (3-13) - So bad, they can't even lose right
32. Oakland (2-14) - Drain the pool
Signal Finder: DET @ DAL, OAK @ NYJ, ATL @ PHI, SF @ DEN (end)
Wow. The endings these last two weeks have been ... vintage Bengals.
Worst Game Of The Decade Candidate: Browns-Texans.
Screw T.O., why isn't Mike Furrey in the Pro Bowl? What that guy's done is borderline historic. Although either of these defenses could probably use him on their side right now. And speaking of Pro Bowl snubs, I think Newman's problem is guilt by association because these other guys can't cover anybody. I know I called the Romo degradation about three weeks ago, but it shouldn't be happening against the Lions. The 'anointing oils' haven't just been put away, they've been poured down the sink. Mike Williams lives! OK, Romo's salvage job there was quality. I can't hate on that. You know who's good is Jason Hanson. De-NIED! And Eagles fans everywhere do a jig. Something else I just remembered is that the Lions did something similar to the Rams a few years ago. I think it might have cost them home field or something. Still, this should never have happened.
Fox switched us to the start of the Eagles game and Jason and I were trying to figure out a way the Eagles could draw Dallas in the first round. (The Giants winning made it impossible.) Then when the game started, we were trying to figure out if and when they'd pull the starters after the Dallas result was known. Turns out the answer to that was "almost immediately." I never did determine if Jeff is still with Carmella or not. Why are all of the backup running backs getting hurt? It'd still suck to lose. Oh, all right. Never mind. Yeah, I didn't think this would happen. Certainly not the way it did.
This is the one thing Jake was really good at, as I know all too well. Going back to earlier in this one, what was with the Broncos' offense turning into the Redskins' at the goal line? Three trips inside the 5 and you don't get jack? Horrible. You do that and you probably need to lose. Is that enough time for The Original Alex Smith? Not if he's gonna do that, it isn't. I can't remember there ever being a situation where a team only needed to tie to get a playoff berth and it actually ended up in a tie. Seriously, if the Niners get some talent, watch out because Smith is making progress. I can't blame Menefee for missing the call initially ... I couldn't tell if he'd made it the first time, either. What an ugly kick. And ... the Chiefs get in, making Broncos fans sick to their stomachs and causing the Colts to throw up in their mouths. Is it just me or did the Broncos' fold not get nearly enough press?
Why is Testaverde in the game? Are they trying to lose? The Titans would have gotten in if they'd won, but it's just as well ... they're not ready.
Wow. The Bears needed this like Chicago needs another fire. Would it be so bad to go straight to Orton? Would anyone really complain after this? I also figure Favre told his teammates: "Y'know, this might be it for me. These guys shut us out in the opener for the first time ever. We've owned them for about as long as I've been here, especially here. Let's do it one more time." You didn't ask me, but I think he's done.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (14-2) - Now they really need that bye week
2. Baltimore (13-3) - Who saw this one coming?
3. New Orleans (10-6) - Yay
BOTTOM 3:
30. Cleveland (4-12) - Romeo needs to keep his job
31. Detroit (3-13) - So bad, they can't even lose right
32. Oakland (2-14) - Drain the pool
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