Monday, January 15, 2007

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: I'M IN UR INTERNETZ, ANALYZIN UR PLAYOFFS

This is gonna be another one of those games, isn't it? I can see it now. I'm pretty sure the Ravens can't afford to drop interceptions like that. That's how you do it. Something's wrong with Peyton. WTF McNair. Way to throw it into coverage, but why is Billick calling a pass on 3rd and goal from the 4 when the Ravens just ran down the field on the Colts? Especially in a game that's starting to look like whoever can actually get a touchdown will win it? Vinaitieri's getting a good workout, I'll say that much. Wow, again Ray inadvertently deflects what would have been a sure interception. Do the Ravens not want to win this game? Is that what it is? I'm wondering a couple things. One, how did Clark not drop that; and two, how did that not get picked off? Peyton's played C-plus football at best in these playoffs and yet the Colts are in the championship game. It can't just be having Bob Sanders back.

GORE! GORE! GORE! And you know it's a vicious hit when even the slow motion replay looks like it hurts. He is dizzy at best. Do they chant "Deuuuuuuuce" in New Orleans? I don't remember. If they don't, they should. Is this the early game again? Who says Garcia can't throw the deep ball? And remember that I told you the first time these teams played that that would be the Saints' biggest weakness on defense. As for the Eagles' biggest weakness on defense, well, you're looking at it. Can we have that looked at, please? He didn't make it? Oh, fine. Here. That's a good job by the punter to pull that down and jet because Barber was about to literally plant him right in the turf. TOUCHDOWN WESTBROOK. It's about time points started being scored. The Saints are like the Colts in that they seem to just pull guys out of the crowd and they make big catches. I've never heard of half of these people. What happened to Andrews? The second McAllister touchdown gave me bad flashbacks to the DeShaun Foster touchdown in '04 where he dragged about five guys with him into the end zone. Why are the Eagles passing to the fullback in the flat on 3rd and goal from the 4? Eh, plenty of time yet. Will someone please make a stop? FUMBLE! But the Eagles don't help themselves by running in place afterwards. There we go. What? Oh, dear Lord. What? Why is the punt team out on the field? OK, that was bad. Sub-optimal at best. But the worst decision ever? It probably depends on what you think the difference between 4th and 10 and 4th and 15 is in that spot, but as far as the "worst decision ever" talk, I say no - Mike Martz hitting the brakes in the '04 playoffs against Carolina cost the Rams a game they were going to win.

This will all depend on which Rex shows up. If it's Good Rex, the Bears can and should attack the Seahawks' secondary all day. Kinda like that. And especially like that. When did Hester forget how to catch a punt? Uh-oh, shades of Bad Rex. Fourth and one? Yeah, go for it, why not. Nice push by the line. I see Lovie's been taking notes. Jones walking in untouched was sick. LOL at Rex calling Pete Hunter "the loan officer". (He's actually from down here, and was also prepping for a test to become a border agent or something when the Seahawks called him.) Jennings is getting used and abused. This is a little like the Westbrook punt return touchdown that wasn't last week. What's with the weird spots and all the measurements happening during the commercial breaks? Do you go for it here? I say no. Holmgren disagrees. Alexander gets stuffed. I'd like to know why the Bears, with all three time outs, aren't running the ball here to eat clock. That took all of 16 seconds to go nowhere. How does Hasselbeck take a sack there? Oh. Big ups to Fox for going right to the over-the-shoulder wide shot to show that everybody was covered. Hello, overtime. What an awful punt. Game over!

The Chargers so far have been really good at giving the Patriots truly horrendous field position. The clock operator is struggling. That's about the third or fourth time already. Why is Marty going for it on 4th and 11? Wow, that got reversed? Oh, I see ... Gates never really had control of it in the first place. Touchdown LDT. That's what he does. Simms was saying at the start of the game how the Patriots had to keep LDT on the inside, and it sure didn't happen there. Jabar Gaffney? Really? This game is way too close right now. Just FALL ON IT. Don't get fancy, don't try to pick it up and salvage some yards, just fall on the ball. That's what happens. What? You're gonna get up in a tight end's face and try to headbutt him? (I say "try" because it's never clear if he actually made contact or not.) What are you, an idiot? Wait, don't answer that. (I don't know how that's considered "unnecessary roughness", though. Personal foul I can see, but no need to get that specific.) That may have been the worst 62-second stretch in Chargers history. And yet the Patriots can't seem to close the gap. Hey, it's that Tomlinson guy again. Untouched, no less. Brady's looked flat-out ordinary up to this point ... let's see if he's still got it. And there's another intercept- oh. You can't fault the guy for catching it, since that's your first instinct when the ball comes your way unexpectedly. But ... wait for it ... PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Seriously, Jabar Gaffney? (As Nantz told the story, he was living in my hometown after the Eagles cut him in camp, possibly in Irving Fryar's garage.) DIRECT SNAP TO FAULK. Can the Chargers catch a pass? Where is Keenan McCardell? The same cave as Rod Smith? And even after all of that, this isn't impossible for the Chargers. You've got eight seconds left! Run a play! Get closer! GAH. If Mike Matusow ran twice as bad as he thinks he does, he still wouldn't even be close to running nearly as bad as Marty has in the playoffs for 20 years. I'm pretty sure his players just got him fired.

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