Frozen Tundra, hello! Really, though, it's more soaked than anything. This seemed the most obvious choice for the opener what with the last two champions and all. Four possessions, three touchdowns, one coming off a turnover. Feels like this is gonna be one of those games. Huh. A stop. And a three-and-out, no less. And Sproles runs the ensuing punt back for a touchdown. Yeah, this is definitely gonna be one of those games. Now the Packers have decided to run the ball and that's working, too. This offense is frightening to watch if you're a fellow NFC contender. There's another score. And the half ends with a punt into the end zone. A field goal? That's disappointing. Why is this Cobb kid running this kickoff out? OH. And then Sproles does just about half as well on the ensuing kickoff? THIS IS MADNESS. Did Woodson just punch that guy? Seriously? The way the Packers have been scoring touchdowns, you almost have to go for it here. I'm not sure I would have called that play, though. Now watch the Packers go down and get another touchdown. Yeah, that's about right. Pass interference?! Yeah, it kinda was. One more shot. De-NIED! The Saints need to work on their goal-line offense. And that is how you start a season. Well, unless you like defense. (Packers 42, Saints 34)
Signal Finder: PHI @ STL, PIT @ BAL, CIN @ CLE (end), NYG @ WSH, SEA @ SF (end)
Given what today is, and what the theme of the NFL's scheduling has been, shouldn't this game be in Pittsburgh? Boom! And just like that it's... 21-7 Ravens? The Steelers can't get out of their own way, it seems. Did... did they just run a fake on the extra point? And the holder went into the end zone untouched? If I'd been there, that would've been my signal to leave. PROTECT — never mind. I give up. So for those keeping track, at this point, here are the Steelers' last five offensive plays: Two incomplete passes, a punt, a fumble, and an interception. And now the Ravens are going for it on fourth and 1 from the Steelers' 8. Yes, these two teams despise each other, why do you ask? Stuffed! That'll probably be the only positive the Steelers take from this game. And of course Ben throws an interception in the red zone. And then he does it AGAIN! (None of these have been good throws, either.) The wheels have not only come off, they're interfering with traffic. Hey, a Ricky Williams sighting! On second thought, maybe it's a good thing this game wasn't in Pittsburgh after all. (Ravens 35, Steelers 7)
This is exactly how Steelers-Ravens started. Scary. Except Ray Rice didn't get hurt doing it. Also the Steelers didn't come right back like the Eagles just did. Nice to see Cadillac Williams found work, though I do question the wisdom of a guy who's has the knee problems he's had signing with a team that plays its home games indoors on turf. Also, the Eagles' run defense is worrisome. Except for that. Speaking of runniong, Vick's had to do more of it than we'd all probably prefer, and he's not having the best day throwing the ball, though the third-quarter touchdown to Jackson was kind of cool, a nice little floater. You have to catch breaks, too, and the Eagles have caught some of those, like the missed field goal earlier and now this penalty on the Rams after first-and-goal at the 1. I always love seeing offensive holding get called on a sack. It's like... at least make it worth your while, y'know? (Eagles 31, Rams 13)
If the Lions make the playoffs and the Bucs don't, this will be why. (Lions 27, Buccaneers 20)
Michael Irvin actually made a good point (I know. I can't believe it, either) on Gameday Final when he said that all the talk over the years about how no one except Peyton Manning can run the Colts' offense seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, that doesn't explain the lack of running game or the defense, though we did establish two years ago that Peyton is also the Colts' best defensive player. Meanwhile, Matt Leinart was watching this from the Texans' sideline and no doubt thinking, "They could have called me. I was available. They knew they had a potential problem on their hands. I mean, could I really have done worse than that guy's doing? You know who they signed? Dan Orlovsky. Seriously? They think Dan Orlovsky's better than me? I was ahead of him on this depth chart! And then they cut his ass. Kerry's old team could have used me too, y'know? Instead they drafted Jake Locker. Jake Locker! Jack Locker can't carry my pads. C'mon, man." (Texans 34, Colts 7)
Is Giants-Redskins a new traditional Week 1 game or something? This is at least the third year in a row. Eli just scored on a bootleg. That shouldn't happen ever. Jabar Gaffney's still alive? Let's not get too excited. The Giants' defense was missing its three best guys. (Redskins 28, Giants 14)
SPEED 2! Although I guess since Troy Williamson's out of the league, Ted Ginn can officially ascend to the rank of SPEED. (49ers 27, Seahawks 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Whoever on the Browns is responsible for breaking the defensive huddle; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Tony Romo; 4. On defense. You could count the number of solid — never mind standout — team defensive performances on one hand. And it's usually the opposite — defenses are generally ahead of the offenses at the start of the season; 5. The Chargers' new special teams coach.
Oh, Romo. Your incompetence simultaneously amuses and angers me, and that, my friend, is no small feat. Seriously, though. How do you throw a pass to a receiver who can't run because he's been cramping up the entire second half, and he's being covered by Darrelle Revis? And as I'm thinking that, Sanchez almost gives it back again. Seriously, nobody wants to win this game, do they? Nick Folk? Nick Folk! Proposed headline for Post sidebar: "Nick to Cowboys: Folk You". (Jets 27, Cowboys 24)
All right, everyone who had "Week 1, fourth quarter" in the "first chant for Tim Tebow" pool, please report to the hospitality lounge on the first-level concourse to collect your winnings. (Raiders 23, Broncos 20)
FANTASY REPORT
It's about to get crowded down here, as I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I didn't do a draft recap because I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I don't want to write that and you don't want to read it.
APA2011 (1-0, W1): A highly scaled-back 14-team version this year. This week, got the win courtesy of Steve Smith 1.0 (who I am genuinely surprised is still a Panther).
JackSux 10 (1-0, W1): Yahoo now has divisions (!) to make things... about the same, from all appearances. Oh well, I guess I'll notice something different later. Ah, the game. Put up Top Score in a win over Jay with Drew Brees, Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson. Also, Rob has apparently secured an actual trophy for the winner. I'm... not sure how I feel about this.
KeyStar V (1-0, W1): 18 teams, 3 divisions (!) with a couple of the guys from the APA league. I think I was brought in to fill a spot so we could get to a reasonable number. No fractional points (!), but 23 from Orton and 21 from Reggie Wayne get me a 104-99 win.
ALSO! Jay was inspired by Grantland's Bad Quarterback Fantasy League concept and started one up himself. There's eight of us, and I'm pretty sure I got the worst draw with Oakland (Jason Campbell), Houston (Matt Schaub), the Giants (Eli Manning) and San Diego (Philip Rivers). But I did win my Week 1 matchup.
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