View Finder: GB @ NYG, BUF @ PIT, IND @ TEN (last :12), CIN @ CLE (end), NYJ @ BAL, DEN @ OAK (OT)
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Eli's in? OK then. Is this last week's game again? Oh, look, a Giant commits a stupid, costly penalty at a crucial moment? That's never happened before. Do people still think Shockey's good? Granted, he's been horribly misused in Coughlin's system, but he's never been better than, say, Todd Heap. And by the way, Troy, get out of here with that "he's a good blocker" stuff. Favre looks like he's gone back in time - he's carving up this defense. I noticed this last week: every time Brandon Jackson is in, he's getting stuffed, and every time DeShawn Wynn is in, something good's happening. And now the umpire's getting drilled. What's wrong with Lorenzen now? Jeez. (Favre W, 149-90) (Packers 35, Giants 13)
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
You think those Steelers 75th-anniversary throwback unis were ugly, wait until you see what the Eagles break out when they do the same thing next week. At least they're only playing the Lions. (Steelers 26, Bills 3)
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
Why is Jon Runyan getting all these commercials?
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
While the question "What's happened to the Saints' offense?" is a valid one, I don't think that's the bigger issue here. I look at the Buccaneers' highlights and Garcia's stats (243 yards off 10 completions?!) and I keep going back to what I said last year about the Saints: Their secondary is brutal. I was willing to write off the Colts game because, well, the Colts do that to everybody. But the Bucs shouldn't be shredding pass defenses like this. (Buccaneers 31, Saints 14)
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS. Why's Marvin on crutches?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Jets-Ravens. Kyle Boller? What the hell? And on the other side, this is going about as well as could be expected with a second-year quarterback making his first start against this defense. I'm really surprised Boller signed an extension with Troy Smith behind him. This is your typical Ravens game. Grind it out, don't do anything stupid, and hit the other guys in the face. Wait a minute, what's this now? Oh, never mind then. (Ravens 20, Jets 13)
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS
Me, right before this: "He's got a big leg, but he's shaky." Raiders win! Wait, what? Oh, that's shady right there. And why even bother? Like I've always said, THIS NEVER WOR- oh. As if winning games this season wasn't already going to be hard enough for them. (Broncos 23, Raiders 20)
TOUCHDOWN BENGALS
A real genius wouldn't have gotten caught. That's all I'm saying. On the other hand, what a thorough ass-kicking this is. I'd love to know why Rivers threw that pass. At this time I'd like to give you a glimpse into my life at work. ... Let's flip to Yanks-Sawx. Tied 1-1? At least it's already the sixth inning. F'in' Jeter. How does he do it? My God. This Native American pitcher-batter matchup between Chamberlain and Ellsbury has to be pretty rare, no? Don't do this to me, Mariano. I've never disparaged you. Either end it one way or the other. Whew. *wipes forehead* Belichick: "I"ll have to look at the tape." (Patriots 38, Chargers 14; Yankees 4, Red Sox 3)
TOUCHDOWN BROWNS. Who knew Derek Anderson was the answer all this time.
Jones for "Worst Contract Season Ever." Also of note is that the You can tell that all the smoke from the fireworks is still up in the lights. This IS last week's game again. I'm convinced. Just a lot of really good post-production color work. Of course, this could also be spliced footage from last year's two games because the Redskins still can't get touchdowns against the Eagles. This sequence of penalties in Giants-esque. WTF TOUCHDOWN. Charles Barkley in the house! He's actually doing a good job in there, not trying to dominate the conversation and even asking Jaws what the Patriots were trying to get from the videotaping. You kind of have to be here to understand, but he's also making some very good points about the relationship between the fans and McNabb/Reid. The comment Tony relayed from the guy at Elias about being back in the mid-'90s was actually pretty good. Jason Avant should be starting. Seriously. L.J. Smith may be emerging as a candidate to rival Andruw Jones for "Worst Contract Season Ever." Also of note is that the Phillies are simultaneously gagging away an 11-0 lead in St. Louis. Can we score some touchdowns please? No? Oh. Something's very wrong here, and no one's quite sure what exactly it is.
Unsolicited Observation After Week 2: I thought the offense was supposed to catch up to the defense as the preseason progressed. Sure doesn't look that way in a lot of places.
FANTASY REPORT (Yes, I know I forgot to do this last week)
aPaFL Criminal Intent (2-0, W2): Looks like I'm gonna be riding Carson Palmer's arm until the proverbial wheels fall off.
JackSux 4 (1-1, L1): How do I lose with Palmer on my team? Answer: Steve Smith went off.
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