Thursday, October 25, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Taking Turns

It should be pointed out that the Broncos' vaunted defense has been ripped for 200-plus rushing yards in the last two games. But you can overlook that when you get a pick-six on the third play from scrimmage. Cardinals' second drive ends better than the first — with a three-and-out. Thomas with back-to-back catches, then Philip Lindsay outruns Patrick Peterson to the sideline. Sanders takes a pitch, then throws it to a wide-open Sutton for the touchdown! Johnson starts with a decent run for the Cardinals. Add 15 for that elbow drop onto the back of a downed Fitzgerald. Field goal is good. Cardinals are 0 for their last 13 third downs, Buck sez. Now, the roll call of the Broncos' quarterbacks under Elway. (Though, to be fair, they've been mostly getting that position wrong since Josh McDaniels decided he didn't want any part of Jay Cutler before coaching a game.) Keenum completes a screen to Thomas, who is immediately surrounded by four people. Aikman follows up the quarterback conversation by saying that the Broncos were most interested in Darnold this year, but he was off the board at 6. Rosen throws a pick-six to Chris Harris. What happened there? Receiver stopped his route and let himself get picked? 21-3 Broncos.




Someone blew a coverage and Sanders walks, then flips, into the end zone. 28-3 Broncos. The Cardinals we all grew up with are back, apparently.




David Johnson just noped out of blocking Von Miller, forcing Andre Smith to hold him. Keenum beats the rush and finds Lindsey, who follows his blockers and converts a 3rd and 5. Royce Freeman pushes the pile across the goal line. 35-3 Broncos at the half. Who's gonna win by more: the Broncos or the Sixers (up 28 on the Bulls after 3)?





Keenum throws a pick to Peterson, who runs out of bounds in the wrong direction as if he was the receiver. Rosen finds Fitzgerald. Cardinals are... driving? Harris almost has his second interception in the end zone. Cardinals have to go for this, right? Oh, it's third down NOW. Touchdown Fitzgerald! Sixers win by 19. There's your mark. Miller with another sack. This a fumble? It's ruled a fumble but Joe's not sure. Incomplete pass; overturned. Rosen gets chased out of the pocket and that IS a fumble. Someone fall on it! The Broncos eventually recover. Lindsay bursts through the line for a 33-yard touchdown. The Cardinals' last three passes have been quick outs to the left sideline. There's something different. That's David Johnson's second catch on this drive. He needs the ball more. Rosen throws an incompletion that bounces, then follows it up with an interception. Kid's been under siege all night.




ANOTHER turnover. Miller forced and recovered that fumble. Field goal is good. ANOTHER sack. Stop the fight. (Broncos 45, Cardinals 10)

OK. Higher number: Chargers points or people in L.A. who got up at 6 a.m. to watch this game?




Mariota scrambles to the goal line and stretches the ball across the end zone — but was his knee down? Yeah, they're taking this touchdown off the board. Fourth down now. Touchdown! Titans line up to go for two. Incomplete, but a holding call on the Chargers gives them another chance. Titans going for two AGAIN. Both Green and Arians are against this decision. Incomplete. Going for two? Fine, whatever. But that's a terrible play call with a mobile quarterback and either Derrick Henry (a guy who can blow through a line) or Dion Lewis (a guy you can line up anywhere in the formation). Onside kick does not work. Chargers win, but maintain "Do Not Trust" status until further notice. (Chargers 20, Titans 19)

Signal Finder: CAR @ PHI, CLE @ TB (end of regulation), NE @ CHI (end), DAL @ WSH

16-2 is such a "Browns will trail by this much" score. Winston? Winston! Chandler Catanzaro? Really, Bucs? How'd this dude get another kicking job? I'd feel better with Kacy Catanzaro in this spot. MISSED IT RIGHT. TOLD Y'ALL. The Browns in overtime in 2018: A tradition unlike any other.







Are they really letting this dude kick from 59? DID HE MAKE IT? Christ.




(Buccaneers 26, Browns 23, OT)

The wind blows the ball off the tee. Wentz drops the ball, which is just strange. Eric Reid got into it with Malcolm Jenkins both before the coin toss and after that punt. (They have history going back to the NFL Players' Coalition forming out of the initial aftermath of Kaepernick and Reid's protests.) Good protection on that completion to Ertz. Eagles have two UDFA's (Clement and Josh Adams) who I'm still wondering why they weren't drafted. Crowd rises after this third down run comes up short, as they expect Pederson to go for it here. Wentz sneaks it and gets it. So Reid tackles Wentz after he's handed the ball off, and Ertz took offense (as he should have). They go for it again on 4th and 5, and Jeffrey brings it in on the sideline. Nice footwork. 15-yard Smallwood run is wiped out by a chop block (incorrectly called on Peters) but Goedert gets 21 on the next play. Elliott misses from 36. Oof. Did the wind get that? Jenkins tips away what would have been a big gain to Torrey Smith.





Ertz already with 50 catches this season. Jeffery slips a tackle and gets to the Panthers' 10. Touchdown Jeffery. They do a free kick celebration. Newton doesn't quite convert 3rd and 15, and the Panthers punt on 4th and 1. Riverboat Ron is dead. Jeffery's caught the Eagles' last three passes. Ertz with a tough sideline catch in coverage. Drive stumbles thanks to a key sack by Mario Addison, but Elliott hits this field goal. The winds have shifted, Pam sez. Wait, who has the ball? That's Cam leading Jairus Wright on that double reverse (and Darby wanted no part of that action). Panthers' ball inside the Eagles' 30. Second sack by Graham, and I don't think Cam saw him. Cam takes off on a draw to set up a closer field goal. It's good, but so many flags. Two false starts push the Panthers back five yards and now they're punting because of the wind. Hold cancels a big Smallwood run. Eagles shut it down going into halftime, which seems odd. Panthers get the second-half kickoff and the wind. Cam takes off.
Eagles lobbying for grounding there and they eventually get it. The tight ends have been carving up the Panthers today. Ertz, Goedert, then Ertz again. Clement fumbles, but Wentz is on it. This drive has gone from the Eagles' 6 to the Panthers' 3. Did Adams get this? No. Fourth and 1 (not goal) and Wentz sneaks for the first down. That usually doesn't work twice in a row. Wentz slings it to Goedert for the touchdown. First drive the Panthers have put together in a while. Aw, no shutout. Curtis Samuel takes the reverse and cuts inside for the touchdown. Extra point is wide right.




They calling this a sack? I guess so. Panthers suddenly have their passing game working. Funchess torches Darby and catches a touchdown in the back of the end zone. Panthers going for two now, and they get it.




Eagles go three-and-out. 2:17 left. Eagles' defense playing like it's pissed off. Cam is hit as he throws on 4th down, but he finds Smith for 35 yards! Then he flips to McCaffrey on 3rd and 2. Newton run gets to the 1. TOUCHDOWN OLSEN. That's literally the first time all day I've heard his name called. This is unbelievable. Wentz goes deep immediately and there's a flag. Interference. Then Wentz throws a horrible pass that's called an interception by Reid. This may be overturned. And it is. Mike Adams drops a possible pick in the end zone.




Fourth down and I don't know what the hell any of that was. That's the kind of loss that costs you a playoff spot. Or, in the Panthers' case, gets you one. (Panthers 21, Eagles 17)

Hail Mary time. Caught! SHORT!! HOW? That's BRUTAL. (Patriots 38, Bears 31)







This is important because it's a CBS doubleheader week, and Cowboys-Redskins is the late game.
Fun Fact: Nantz called the last time this matchup was on CBS — in 1993. (D.C. was 4-12 that year. He wasn't as high up in the hierarchy then.) Big Prescott run gets called back by holding. Swearingen tries to do too much to get that interception and ends up out of bounds. It's notable that Washington's starting wide receivers are out and former first-rounder Josh Doctson is not replacing either one of them. He then jumps over a linebacker to convert a third down. Touchdown. Who dis? (Kapri Bibbs, which sounds like an East-West Bowl Game alumnus.) Prescott sneaks on 4th and 1 at midfield. Fumble? Fumble. Teams trade punts. No Chris Thompson either for Washington. Wait, Dak was in concussion protocol? 3rd and 20 and he gets sacked. Has anything actually happened since Dak came back into the game? As I type that, he hits Michael Gallup for a 49-yard touchdown. Alex Smith overthrowing dudes is a new look. Cowboys jump offside on 4th and 10 with four seconds left.




7-7 at halftime and it's as bad as it feels.




Peterson then gets the door slammed in his face on 3rd and goal. Field goal is good. Dammit, Tony, leave Tracy alone. Peterson still has some wheels. First and goal for Washington. Cowboys hold and it's 13-7. Hurns! Oh, look, Dak got sacked again. 13-10. That's a hold, yes. That's against the rules. Ont he next play, Dak gets stripped and it's touchdown Washington! Footage of the last Cowboys-Redskins game on CBS in D.C. where THE SAME THING HAPPENED? (Summerall and Madden were at that one.) Cowboys convert a 4th and 13 to whoever this is. Man, it's a sad day in this rivalry when only, like, two skill position guys are relevant. I feel like Prescott's outrushed Elliott today. By a considerable amount, I mean. Dak goes horizontal and scores! Extra point is good. Cowboys kick it deep with all three time outs left. Romo says he'd like to see some creativity on this last Cowboys drive, like a bootleg or something. You're at the wrong game for that, friend.




This'll be reviewed. It counts, apparently. Maher on for a 47-yarder. Hold that thought, as there's a lot of flags and movement here. Snap infraction? Oh, the long snapper moved the ball twice. Now it's a 52-yarder. OFF THE UPRIGHT. NO GOOD. The Cowboys suck on the road. And that first '93 game that also had the strip-sack touchdown? Guess what the final score was. (Redskins 20, Cowboys 17)

Oh my God.







(Saints 24, Ravens 23)

FLEXING. Bengals get the ball first, but the Chiefs force a three-and-out. Even though Mixon made a neat one-handed grab there. Marvin Lewis said they're punting out of bounds tonight. They tried on that one. Here's Hill. Mahomes the runner is a dimension we didn't see as much of in college, I think.




Kirkpatrick almost forced Hunt to fumble, and then Hunt got away from him and gained eight more yards. Touchdown Hunt! Mahomes faking the run to freeze the linebacker (Hardy Nickerson JUNIOR)? That's good stuff. And good job by Collinsworth to notice that. Kelce gets the edge after this catch and goes for 44. Chiefs hurry to the line, but can't beat the challenge on this Watkins catch. This may get overturned. It does get overturned, and the subsequent 53-yard field goal attempt is sliced left. What the hell, Bengals? What happened on this fake punt? Hunt catches the pass and again just barely gets to the end zone. RIBS. Bengals DRIVING. There's A.J. Green. Touchdown Bengals and they do the Macarena afterwards.




TFW Andy Reid's coaching tree is better than Bill Belichick's. That seemed fast. Touchdown Chiefs. Erickson saves the Bengals some yardage by downing this kickoff, which seems like a strange thing to do but Al and Cris didn't think the ball was going to go out of bounds. The Bengals can't really cover Travis Kelce. Another Mahomes run. Field goal is good. Chiefs get the ball to start the second half, which I feel like you'd want to avoid. More Kelce. Touchdown Hunt. Ah, Bengals After Dark. And there's the pick-six. 38-7 Chiefs. You know who's good is Tyler Boyd. So much for running the ball down 31. Field goal is good. Mahomes does a little too much there on that interception. Mixon with another one-handed snag. 38-10 Chiefs after three. That's a very rare drop for Hill in the end zone. Bengals getting in guys' faces now. That Hill touchdown was too easy. Why are the Bengals punting? The only reason Spencer Ware didn't score is he fell down. Reid going for it on 4th and 4 from the 5 as Al says "56 and a half is what a lot of the audience are thinking about right now." They don't get it (!). Dalton's done for the night, and Jeff Driskell, who should probably be playing AA ball somewhere instead, is in. Congrats on 200 wins, Andy! (Chiefs 45, Bengals 10)




Evan Engram back for the Giants. Big plays already on all three of these drives and nobody has any points. We're doing Barkley's weightlifting records in the first quarter? Good Lord. The middle of the Falcons' defense is all hurt. One quarter in the books and absolutely nothing noteworthy has happened. Julio Jones still doesn't have a touchdown catch, and it's Week 6. Witten praises Sarkisian's offensive scheme, which is performing demonstrably worse than Kyle Shanahan's.




Austin Hooper has hops? That's good for 36. Who is Marvin Hall? That's a perfect throw from Ryan for the touchdown. This game was a slog until that drive, which took 61 seconds. ODELL BECKHAM DID NOTHING WRONG. Booger correctly asks who the two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback can't be a leader. Eli hits Sterling Shepard for 30. He then calls time out and the ball is immediately snapped to him. Then he makes a bad throw and the Giants are stuck kicking a field goal. That's interference. Not Matt Bryant (can't kick with a bad hamstring) is on to try a 40-yarder. It's good. Eli Apple can't cover Julio Jones. Giants challenge that this Jones incompletion is actually a catch and fumble... and they're right. Giants ball. Big gain to Beckham despite being held. Field goal is good. A thing I didn't notice the first time: Tavecchio, Bryant's replacement, kicks with his LEFT foot. So the holder's had to switch sides and the new guy's only been there for three days.




Jones needed a second to get control of that one. Coleman finds a hole and scores with little resistance. 20-6 Falcons. Lot of Barkley on this Giants drive. Beckham gets out of bounds. Bad miss, Eli. This a touchdown? I guess so. They're going for two down 8? Why? (This is why.) Great play by Alford to break up the pass to Beckham, which he would have caught. Great effort by Calvin Ridley to stretch and get that first down. Tavecchio just hit from 56! Now the Giants need 11 points in 1:55 instead of 10.




This is true and I'm sure Dan wasn't thinking of Shepard when he tweeted this. Don't know why they're trying a sneak with no time outs. They should have kicked the field goal 20 seconds ago. Another sneak? What the FUCK, Giants. They finally throw a pass that Beckham catches for a touchdown. FIVE seconds left. Christ. Two-point conversion is good. Onside kick goes as you'd expect. (Falcons 23, Giants 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (7-0) — And probably 8-0 this weekend (sorry, Packers)
2. Kansas City (6-1) — Back in gear
3. New Orleans (5-1) — Now time for Brees to go beat all the CFL teams
4. New England (5-2) — Why do we ever think it's the end?

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Should have listened to us
30. Arizona (1-6) — #FreeLarry, indeed
31. San Francisco (1-6) — A non-Garoppolo identity is hard to come by
32. Oakland (1-5) — Did Jon Gruden just rob the Cowboys?


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