Friday, October 5, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Journey to the Center of the Standings

WELCOME TO THE MOTHERSHIP, THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.


Dalvin Cook's back for the Vikings, which will help. Also, Marcus Peters is playing for the Rams. (Aqib Talib is on IR.)


The Vikings have been waiting on Laquon Treadwell for a while. Thielen's eating on this drive. Cousins finds Aldrick Robinson all alone in the back of the end zone with a perfect throw. Holding on Suh and the touchdown stands. Everson Griffen is not starting tonight, for good reason. Cooks coverts 3rd and 9 as the announcers wonder why he's bounced around so much. (The Patriots could absolutely use him, by the way.) Woods draws a flag on the outside. The Rams use tight ends? Dear God. Gurley catches a touchdown pass right past Anthony Barr, and he celebrates with a champagne toast. Vikings' offense churning again. Rudolph makes a tough catch for a first down to end the first quarter, then Thielen makes another catch to start the second. Was he touched? I'm not sure he was touched. Cousins sneaks on 4th and 1 from the Vikings' 28 (!) and gets it. Pass to the fullback comes up short. Dan Bailey time! He banks it off the upright... and IN. Touchdown Cooper Kupp! The Vikings can't let Barr get caught in coverage against any of these guys. Him against Kupp isn't fair.


The Vikings come right back with a 33-yard pas play to Diggs helped by good blocking in front of him. Not a lot of defense being played so far. Aldrick Robinson again? He just got here! (Seriously. The Vikings signed him on Tuesday.) 17-14 Vikings. A rare miss from Goff and we get to see some punting finally. Thielen back to return, as the Vikings don't have their regular punt returner tonight. The Vikings are on their backup long snapper, Erin reports. Might be worth watching. And the Rams almost get to that punt. Santa Monica Pier? Oh, that's interesting... the Vikings' punter was closer to the line of scrimmage than usual because of the new snapper, which is why the punt almost got blocked. Big plays to Kupp and Woods. Goff throws on the run to Kupp in the end zone, who somehow slows up enough to keep his feet inbounds! 21-17 Rams. We've got some great receivers in this game. SoCal boy Aikman rattling off some names from the mid-70's "Fearsome Foursome" Rams era. The Rams almost got to that punt, too. Touchdown Cooks and this is starting to feel Greatest Show-ish.


Great pass breakup by Shields, preventing a Diggs touchdown. Buck wondering if this isn't four-down territory for the Vikings, who have all of their time outs.


Diggs loses his helmet and may not have the first down. It's close. Spot is reviewed and it's short. Cousins sneak works. Vikings run out of time and Bailey hits from 30 with six seconds left. That kick had some swerve on it. 28-20 Rams at halftime. Rams get stopped. FAKE PUNT PASS... is incomplete. "Video football game", Troy? Screen to Gurley gets 57 yards. Flag is picked up. Vikings keep the Rams out of the end zone this time as Ficken hits a field goal. Diggs makes a strong catch in traffic. Thielen gets open down the middle, then drags Shields into the end zone. Touchdown Vikings. They go for two and Latavius Murray comes out of mothballs to get it. The Rams receivers have been open all night, it seems. Touchdown Woods, and Barr got trapped on a wide receiver AGAIN.


FOX doesn't even have time to go to commercials, these teams are scoring so quickly. Hey, a sack. Sup, Aaron Donald. Goff finds Cooks open on the sideline, and he stops on a dime to stay inbounds. Nice work. He does it again, but skids out of bounds after making the catch. Cooks AGAIN, this time over the middle. These Rams can drive on you with one guy or six. It's scary. Cooks fumbles, but the Rams recover. Field goal is wide right. Rams cornerback wearing No. 41 giving me Todd Lyght flashbacks. Suh sacks Cousins, taking them out of field goal range. I'm not sure punting was the right move there inside four minutes.




Woods stretches for a first down but comes up short. They should go for this because the Vikings haven't stopped them all night. They're PUNTING? I don't like it. Donald sacks Cousins on first down. Two completions to Treadwell equal a first down. Fumble? Fumble! For now, anyway. Yeah, that's a fumble. Rams ball. I've learned not to trust Cousins in these situations. (Rams 38, Vikings 31)

Signal Finder: PHI @ TEN, MIA @ NE, CIN @ ATL (end), HOU @ IND (end), NO @ NYG, SF @ LAC (end)


The Eagles have never won in Tennessee. Mariota starts for the Titans despite a bum elbow. A deep pass goes off Corey Davis's fingers, as Sidney Jones got fooled on a play fake. Another deep shot to Davis works. Is Long lined up in the neutral zone? Third down pass is dropped.  Field goal is good. Wentz drops a bomb on first down that Agholor can't catch. Big catch by Ertz and big run by Ajayi ends up wasted. Bennett gets his first Eagles sack. It's 81 degrees in Nashville and only the Titans' sideline has shade. Two sacks and an Agholor drop later, the Eagles punt. Massive punt by Johnston. 68 yards, and the Titans will get pinned even deeper because of an illegal block that even I saw. Eagles not tackling well on this drive. First quarter is over. Alshon Jeffrey back. Pass protection hasn't been the best on either side. Ertz. Ertz again.


Eagles' defense immediately gets a stop, but a face mask on Jones wrecks their field position.


Stuck in a 3rd and 24, Smallwood gets a good chunk of it back, giving the Eagles a chance to pin the Titans deep with 49 seconds left. Interception! That's the rookie Avonte Maddox, who's playing more because McLeod'll be out for a while with a knee injury.


Why run on 3rd down? Field goal is good. 10-3 Eagles at the half. Ertz is FEASTING. Wentz throws a screen into complete traffic that Ajayi somehow catches. Jeffrey posts up Butler for a first down. Eagles appear to catch a break when Kevin Byard recovers an Agholor fumble — but he's out of bounds. Two straight holding calls back the Eagles way up. Can't hit a sliding quarterback. Wait, how is that not a penalty? Seriously? Jeffrey with another post-up, this time for the touchdown! Davis with a big catch for the Titans, who just got the ball for the first time this half. Derrick Henry loses 12 yards after fumbling a pitch. Mills gets caught interfering, giving the Titans the ball at the 8. Mariota rolls left and takes it in himself. Bad series for the Eagles ends with a sack-fumble by Harold Landry. Eagles stuff Dion Lewis (?) on 3rd and 1, but Cox goes off hurt. Which is probably why the Titans are going for it here. Mariota makes a last-second flip to Lewis to convert. Eagles still hold and the field goal is good.


ANOTHER drop by Agholor. Davis beats Mills on the same play he dropped in the first quarter. Sharpe puts a move on Jones and ends up open in the end zone for a touchdown. Titans lead. Smallwood with a catch and run for a first down. Drive stalls, and the Eagles punt with all three time outs left. Not sure what that play call was. Eagles force a punt. Deandre Carter with a BIG punt return to the Titans 40! He's in because Sproles AND Clements are hurt. Big first down pickup by Jeffrey. Titans play Eagles-level red zone defense.


Elliott field goal ties it at 20 with 16 seconds left. OVERTIME. Eagles win the toss. Three straight runs put the Eagles in Titans territory. And another one gets them into the red zone. Dangerous pass by Wentz on 3rd and 12 falls incomplete.  Elliott hits from 37. Deep pass down the middle is DROPPED. Mariota overthrows Davis on third down. 4th and 10. False start makes it 4th and 15. Taylor CONVERTS. Now 4th and 4. Incomplete, but pass interference on Jones (who hasn't had a good day either) keeps the Titans alive. Of note, there's less than three minutes left. Now it's the two-minute warning, Mariota SCRAMBLES for about 15 of those 19 yards. Succop in to try a 50-yarder. NO HE'S NOT. Titans going for it on 4th and 2. Swing pass to Lewis and he MAKES IT TO THE 15. What the hell, guys. Jenkins had been playing well in overtime until that holding call. Davis with a drop. Touchdown Davis. The Eagles STILL have never won in Nashville. (Titans 26, Eagles 23, OT)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Buccaneers' secondary; 5-14. The officials in Browns-Raiders






FitzMagic is dead. FitzMagic ALWAYS DIES. (Bears 42, Buccaneers 7)

If this game was in Miami I'd like the Dolphins' chances a lot better. Josh Gordon is ACTIVE. The Dolphins red-zone defense has been excellent this season. But this ain't the red zone. Touchdown Patterson. Brady's first start was 17 years ago today, against a Colts team he would go on to torment for almost actual decades (and may do again This Thursday Night On FOX. What a missed opportunity for a plug.) Bad snap leads to a turnover. patriots' ball at the Dolphins 22. The backup center was in for that ONE PLAY and that happened. Wow. And James White cashes in IMMEDIATELY, bouncing outside and scoring untouched. 17-0 Patriots.


Touchdown Dorsett? Jeez. 24-0 Pats at the half and no reason to think it'll get any better for the Dolphins. We outta here. (Patriots 38, Dolphins 7)

We join Bengals-Falcons at 28-27 visitors, and the Falcons are now also without Vic Beasley, at least for the moment. Bengals take over and Beasley's back for the Falcons. Falcons get flagged for a clear helmet-to-helmet hit. Dalton is IMMEDIATELY intercepted. Ryan finds Ridley wide-open for the touchdown. This two-point conversion has been an adventure, and it ends with OPI on the Falcons. 33-28. Julio Jones somehow doesn't have a single touchdown this season. Penalty on the Bengals wipes out a Green touchdown. Dalton gets sacked and fumbles! They review it and overturn it, saying Dalton was down. Field goal is good. Sanu! Against his old team, even. Falcons put up three more. 4:15 left. Dalton throws a pass that by all right should have been picked off. Tyler Boyd converts 4th and 8. Boyd converts 4th and 6 with 12 seconds left! How do the Bengals still have that time out? They finally call it. TOUCHDOWN GREEN! How do you let him get behind you in the end zone? (Bengals 37, Falcons 36)


Texans take over after holding the Colts to a field goal in overtime. Watson goes deep for Hopkins in the corner of the end zone... and he can't hold on. Someone named Coutee picks up 3rd and 9.


Yes, as it turns out. He's got 10-108 in his first-ever game. 1:58 left. Texans can't get it in and a field goal ties it again. Can't get sacked, Luck. 4th and 4, 27 seconds left, and the Colts are... going for it? Whoa. Incomplete. Still time for the Texans! Announcers are stunned the Colts went for it. They suggest trying to draw the Texans offside, which only works against the Bengals. Hopkins with a catch and run to the Colts' 20. Field goal is GOOD. (Texans 37, Colts 34, OT)

Saints are struggling in the red zone on this drive. Uncharacteristic. They settle for three and it's 7-6. This a catch and fumble? It's being looked at after Lattimore's runback. Romo with the cliffhanger. Call stands, and Romo says he thought it would. Saints still can't cash in a touchdown as the Giants' defense holds. Field goal gives them the lead. Another turnover? Kamara can't keep possession in the end zone and that's on him. The Giants' defense has been very good when it's mattered today.
Saints get another field goal. 12-7 at halftime because the Giants have no time to do anything.


Hey, the Saints are in the red zone again. Well, they're just outside of it. Touchdown Kamara! Barkley finds an opening outside and picks up 25. Field goal is good. Thomas uses his blockers to pick up 3rd and 7. Saints say touchdown. Refs say no. Romo agrees with the Saints. Nantz doesn't. That is CLOSE. Payton challenges. Overturned! Touchdown Saints and that's probably that. Eli throws a bomb to Shepard at the 1. Touchdown! Saints lose Shepard, who makes the two-point conversion. (Saints 33, Giants 18)

Did my man just make a Seinfeld reference? Yeah, dudes who wear No. 98 don't get a lot of interceptions. (Chargers 29, 49ers 27)


Dear Lord. Who let this happen? Hey, Gruden wins! (Raiders 45, Browns 42, OT)

Ravens are working that far sideline. Touchdown John Brown down that same sideline. Roethlisberger's pass to McDonald, who fumbles and Tony Jefferson returns it for a touchdown! Let's see if the return stands, as it's definitely a catch and fumble. The touchdown will come off the board after review. Lamar Jackson back in and runs a QB draw. 3rd and 1 and Flacco finds Alex Collins on a swing pass for a touchdown. 14-0 Ravens quickly. Steelers' next drive stalls. Bad throw by Flacco costs Crabtree a touchdown. Steelers finally hit a big play, this one to Schuster. Field goal is good. Collins fumbles and the Steelers recover. Ben misses deep down the sideline but hits Road Dogg after a play fake gets him the release. Hot mic, ref!


The Steelers caught the Ravens shorthanded and only got 9 yards? There's Antonio. How'd they catch that block in the back but not that late hit on Brown after he went out of bounds? Steelers pick it up anyway. Juju takes a questionably late hit and Collinsworth says this game is about to turn into "one of those." Aren't they all like that, though? Steelers settle for another field goal. Crabtree drops a kind of easy one. Oooh, Skycam. Vance McDonald was awful with the 49ers but has found a home in Pittsburgh. HOW DID BROWN CATCH THAT? He was blanketed. That's nuts. Steelers going for two already, which we've seen Tomlin do many times before. Swing pass to Conner, who gets upended into the end zone. Tied at 14. Replay shows Brown's double move on Marlon Humphrey didn't even work. Flacco overthrows Brown in the end zone. Hew ants a flag but won't get it. Jackson gets a first down on a keeper. Tomlin considering a challenge and finally does. This is why you don't challenge spots. There's nothing there. First down Ravens. You know who's still good is Joe Haden. Flacco misses Crabtree and barely avoids being intercepted. Tucker from 47 and you know how that ends.


Steelers forced to punt. Collins gets hit out of bounds and things may be starting to bubble up again. Tight end Nick Boyle crashes through defenders. Willie Snead gets open for a good gain. Tucker hits again and it's 20-14. Steelers have stalled. How many tight ends do the Ravens actually HAVE? Another Le'Veon Bell discussion, with the reference of what happened to Earl Thomas today. Ravens milking clock. Then they throw incomplete on 3rd and 6, which stops the clock. Tucker is good again. 3:37 left. Roethlisberger gets picked! That's that. (Ravens 26, Steelers 14)

The Chiefs may be the one team that shouldn't defer when they win the coin toss. Can't miss tackles, even between the tackles. Try to be consistent, Case. This seems like a long field goal but we are in Denver. Here comes Mahomes. Gotta account for Kareem Hunt. Both quarterbacks facing early pressure. Field goal is good.


Did Hunt stay inbounds? Looks like he did. That's nuts. 46 yards and the Chiefs get their first big play. Clutch completion on third down. Nobody's open, so Mahomes RUNS for the end zone and gets there! The Broncos are running at will on this Chiefs defense. Keenum then hits rookie Courtland Sutton downfield. Very patient running by Royce Freeman on that touchdown (and pathetically played by the Chiefs defense, especially the poor sap who he dragged along with him).


Snap the ball, Chiefs! That's offside. Devin Booker's still on the Broncos? Huh. Fans wanted a face mask call. This Sutton catch is close. Refs say it's short. Now what? Broncos going for it. They go play action bootleg (!!) and Thomas stretches out and gets the first down! This is a good drive. The Broncos get the field goal unit on with the clock running and hit it. 13-10 Broncos at the half. Why the hell is Good Charlotte still making albums? Who asked for this? This guy's the Chiefs' second tight end. No wonder he got wide open. Mahomes and Kelce cannot connect tonight. Sammy Watkins is hurt? Shocking. DON'T DO THAT. I mean, it worked here, but DON'T DO IT. Hunt runs right into Von Miller. What? Pac-Man's on the Broncos? Butker field goal ties it. WOW. The tight end had that ball CAUGHT — and it would have been a great catch in its own right — and the safety (Eric Murray) just took it from him. Big run by Hunt. That penalty on Eric Fisher (who's somehow managed to escape being a not-great No. 1 overall pick) just took the Chiefs out of field goal range. The Chiefs' run defense has been horrific tonight. Touchdown Broncos! We are now in the first bad Mahomes game. Freeman runs wild again. Or still, really. Field goal is good. 23-13. That's Mahomes' second completion to Kelce tonight, so that's something. Chiefs going for it on 4th and 1. This seems like one of those moments. Swing pass to Hunt gets it. Kelce gets 19 on first and 20. Mahomes hasn't had clean pockets but is still making throws. That's big. Hunt has not run away from contact tonight. Flip to Kelce and that's a touchdown.


Miller was bearing down on Mahomes and he still got it to Hill for a first down WITH HIS OFF HAND.


The next play is intentional grounding. Holding penalties are killing the Chiefs tonight. Again Harris is wide open and Mahomes hits him for 35 yards.


Ball at the Broncos' 11, 1:54 left. That flag's on the Broncos for once. Touchdown Hunt! Sanders picks up 4th and 11 on a high throw from Keenum. Then Heuerman runs free in the middle of the field and gets about 45 yards. Keenum misses Thomas down the sideline, who would have scored easily. What was THAT? Tessitore thinks the Broncos were trying a hook-and-ladder, but the ball's on the ground and the Chiefs have it! This review doesn't matter — it was fourth down, so it's Chiefs ball regardless. This is just bookkeeping. They called it incomplete? Would they have had time to spike the ball and run another play? Booker MIGHT have gotten out of bounds.





It took four weeks, but we finally got a "Tess Effect" game. (Chiefs 27, Broncos 23)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (4-0) — CAN defer after winning the coin toss
2. Kansas City (4-0) — Mahomes passes big test
3. Chicago (3-1) — I don't love it, but I don't love anyone else, either
4. Baltimore (3-1) — See above

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Jets (1-3) — Feels like things have gotten worse
30. San Francisco (1-3) — Might as well tank this season, too
31. Arizona (0-4) — Well, so much for my Rosen prediction
32. Oakland (1-3) — Got a win they didn't deserve


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