Thursday, September 27, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Here's To You

Is tonight the night? Is it? IS IT? Stop jacking my act, Buck.




No more Josh Gordon, who was traded to the Patriots on Monday. Three and out for the Browns. Bilal Powell eats a spinebuster. Taylor finds a hole and scrambles for about 22. Flea-flicker attempt is blown up by Jamal Adams. That could have been pass interference on the Jets. Punt pins the Jets at their own 1.




Someone tell ESPN Fox just stole their college football song. These are not good offensive lines. Darron Lee just walked into Taylor. Punt is BLOCKED. Again, Nick Chubb caught out of pocket on special teams as Aikman points that very thing out (that Chubb likely has only three games of experience on special teams, and it's the three games he's played as a Cleveland Brown). Jets' ball at the Browns' 29. Darnold to Enunwa for 16. He's 230 pounds? Whoa.




First quarter ends scoreless, and the second quarter begins with ex-Brown Isaiah Crowell strolling into the end zone. Footage of the first-ever Monday Night Football game, which involved these two teams. (Browns won 31-21.) Oh WOW. That pass floated on Taylor and Calloway had to come back for it, and Trumaine Johnson tipped it away at the last moment. The Browns can't protect Taylor — they'd be foolish to put Baker Mayfield out there with that in front of him. Buck and Aikman talking up Browns linebacker Joe Schobert. Darnold to Enunwa for 16 again, and he gets tackled by falling over two of his blockers. Crowell with two more carries, the second into the end zone. He seems... bitter.




Fans are getting impatient with Taylor. Someone on the Jets did something stupid, giving the Browns a free first down. Taylor hits Jarvis Landry underneath, and he stretches out to make the catch, then stretches again to get the first down. Hyde bursts across midfield for a first down. Good Morning Football plug. (Love me some Kay Adams.) Aikman wonders what happened to the Schrager-bombs. Browns fans love Duke Johnson. Clear miscommunication between Taylor and Landry somehow leads to intentional grounding. Then a sack knocks the Browns out of field goal range. "Baker" chant getting louder.




Buck: "Let's talk about Cleveland sports championship teams." Me: "This shouldn't take long." Back from commercial and Mayfield's on the phone with somebody. And a minute or so later, Kristina Pink reports that Taylor's in the medical tent. Jets run it on 3rd and 14 from their own 1. Taylor walking to the locker room as the Jets punt. Here's Mayfield to cheers. Hits Landry on his first throw for 14 yards. Is that a catch, too? It is! Then he fumbles, but a lineman picks it up and advances it (that last part's illegal, but the Browns will keep it.) Browns' new kicker Greg Joseph slices it back through the left upright.




The ensuing kickoff then goes out of bounds. Still the Browns, everyone! 14-3 Jets at halftime. Taylor's concussed and won't return... maybe ever. Mayfield already 4-for-5. He finds tight end David Njoku for a first down. Drive stalls. Darnold completes a pass to Anderson, but Denzel Ward forces a fumble! Browns ball!




One of the many problems the Browns have had over the years is a defense that can't get turnovers. They've recovered six fumbles already. This return puts the ball at the Jets' 8. NO TOUCHDOWN. Joseph's field goal again just clears the left upright. GREAT catch by Landry at the 1. Touchdown Hyde. Browns go for two but it falls apart, and actually ends with the Jets getting the ball. Offsetting penalties give them another shot. Direct snap to Hyde, flip to Landry, who passes to Mayfield! Aikman: "Is that Cleveland Cleveland?"




The Browns are in a tie game. That's not an omen at all. Jets responding. Darnold come sup short on 3rd and 12. Field goal is good. Buck and Aikman talking about Gordon, with Aikman saying that he just ran out of chances. Duke Johnson picks up a first down but fumbles at the end of the play — fortunately the Browns recover. Callaway!




Hyde touchdown is called back by holding. This Avery Williamson dude is all over the place tonight. He's a former Tennessee Titan, which is why you've never heard of him before this game. Toss to Landry fails. Touchdown Hyde! 2:04 left!




Like Troy, I'm also surprised the Jets aren't punting here with three time outs and 1:48 left. Caught by Jermaine Kearse! INTERCEPTED!! Browns punt after the Jets burn their timeouts. 56 seconds. Terrelle Pryor's on the Jets now? Darnold throws into triple coverage and GET THE MASTER KEYS, BABY.







Are those PEOPLE in the streets? (Browns 21, Jets 17)

Signal Finder: IND @ PHI, LAC @ LAR, NO @ ATL (end), DAL @ SEA, CHI @ AZ (end)

There's a Union home game (well, down 95 in Chester) going on at the same time, which seems rare. Weather's pretty crappy. The center ending up with the ball on 3rd and 7 usually doesn't end well, and it didn't here. Clement back on punt returns, and he probably should have fair caught that. Wentz makes his final warmup tosses and jogs onto the field to cheers. First pass is off target, but his second is complete to Ertz. First down run by Smallwood (no Ajayi or Sproles, and Clement's banged up also). Eagles are driving and have 1st and 10 at the Colts' 14. Clement with the carry. Goedert WIDE open for the touchdown.




Eagles force a punt, which Clement drops, but recovers. Eagles not wasting any time putting the ball in Wentz's hands. They're also using their tight ends a ton early on. That should have been on the defense, not Peters. The pocket breaks down, but Wentz scrambles around and finds time, then Ertz, then he gets roughed. Elliott is wide left from 55. Colts take advantage of good field position and are already in the red zone. Three Eagles had a shot at that pass but none come up with it.




Ryan Grant with a nice catch in the corner of the end zone for a touchdown. Luck turns the corner on 3rd and 9 and gets the first down after getting a block on a pursuer. That was the Colts' longest play this season at 33 yards. Corey Graham knocks down a third-down pass. More than a few cross-scheduled interconference games this week. Josh Adams getting some run in the second quarter. That's the first catch by an Eagles wideout. Welcome back, Jordan Matthews. Smallwood gets open down the field and catches it inside the 10. (He scores if Wentz hits him in stride.) No one open, and Elliott hits from 33. Luck gets sacked and the Colts have to punt. Wentz dives out of bounds for the first down... and gets it! He looks fine to me. Can we really use the term "vintage" to describe a third-year guy? Time runs out on the first half. 10-7 Eagles. Union goal! McLeod closes on Hilton and breaks up a pass. Colts going for it on 4th and 2 from the Eagles' 28, and they GET it. Viniatieri tucks it in on the right upright and we're tied. Bad read by Wentz leads to an interception. Viniatieri cashes in in the same spot and it's 13-10. The Eagles have had success running the ball, which has helped Wentz. Elliott hits from 24 and it's tied at 13. Running Into The Kicker on D.J. Alexander (and he knew it) leads to a 4th and VERY short. From their own 35 in a tie game, Reich's lining up to go for it — but they do that thing where they try to get the defense to jump. The Eagles don't bite and the Colts punt again. Clement's struggled fielding punts today. Wentz fumbles and the Colts have it. They turn it into another field goal. They must have announced the wrong player on that holding call. How does a running back with the ball commit a hold? Lot of penalties in this game. That one gave the Eagles a first down after 2nd and 26. 6:30 left and the Eagles go for it on 4th and 5, but it's incomplete. But defensive holding gives them a first down. The Colts have been getting to Wentz a lot more in the second half, but this time Wentz find Agholor and he dives for a first down. More penalties. Touchdown Smallwood! Wentz 8-for-8 passing on that drive. PI on Mills.




Luck overthrows Hilton in the end zone on 3rd and 3 from the Eagles' 7. We've sure been HERE before. SACK! Barnett got him. Two flags on the Colts on that punt and they're buried now. Colts running a lot of quick outs. Brissett in at quarterback with five seconds left. Hail Mary time. Incomplete. (Eagles 20, Colts 16)







This is officially ridiculous. And then this happened:




(Redskins 31, Packers 17; Dolphins 28, Raiders 20)




All those touchdowns and Brees RUNNING for one might extend this game? Come on, man. You can't let Drew Brees juke you like that. He set the all-time completions record earlier. Overtime it is. Saints win the toss and receive. Taysom Hill's still on the Saints, and he's returning this kickoff.
Brees with the sneak! Touchdown! (Saints 43, Falcons 37, OT)




Seriously, did we just witness the ultimate trap game? (Bills 27, Vikings 6)

Keenan Allen can't drop that pass. Big run by Gurley, who finishes off the drive in the end zone. Nice run by Melvin Gordon. Mike Williams lays out and holds on for the touchdown! Extra point is MISSED. That's ex-Eagle Caleb Sturgis, and this wasn't supposed to be an issue anymore.
Touchdown Woods. It doesn't feel like they move as fast as they do on offense. Chargers rookie Derwin James with an interception in the end zone. BLOCKED. PUNT. TOUCHDOWN. RAMS. Hey, good to see Sam Shields playing again after missing a couple of years with concussions. Meanwhile, Marcus Peters, who went down for a moment on the Williams touchdown, is being carted off with what they fear is an Achilles tendon injury. New Rams kicker Sam Ficken misses from 46 to end the half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And the Rams cash in almost immediately as Goff finds Kupp for 53 yards. Chargers keep pace as Rivers hits Williams for a 20-yard score. Another big run by Gurley. Cooks takes a hit but holds on. Touchdown Woods! Now Talib's out for the Rams. That's both cornerbacks. ANTONIO GATES LIVES. Who gave the Giants a late game? I might have gone for it if I'm the Chargers. They can't stop this offense. 35-23 after the field goal. Round 1 goes to the landlords. (Rams 35, Chargers 23)

Tyrone Crawford gets hit with the new Rodgers Rule. That's closer to what they're after than anything Clay Matthews has done, for the record. Nice run by Chris Carson.



This a fumble or an interception? That ball never ht the ground. Nice work, Earl. Why didn't they give him the return yardage? I missed it. Unless they said his other knee was down when he caught it.
That's somehow not running into the kicker. Neither offense doing much of anything. Seahawks finally starting to heat up a bit. Carson with some nice runs, than that big one inside the red zone. Wilson with a bullet to ex-Cardinal Jaron Brown for the touchdown. Prescott finds a strangely wide-open Beasley for a first down. The Seahawks' young defensive backs are every bit as chippy as the veterans they've replaced. Somehow Elliott gets free down the sideline and... scores? Nope, he was out of bounds before he caught it. 50-yard field goal is good. Tyler Lockett just toasted somebody for a 52-yard touchdown.




Screen to Elliott takes too long and doesn't yield much. Recap of Earl Thomas telling Jason Garrett to come get him. Seahawks hurrying up. Janikowski from 47. Good. 17-3 at halftime. Cowboys finally get to Wilson. Maher on for 35 for the Cowboys. Good. Rashard Penny fumbles, but recovers it. Oh, Brandon Marshall's a Seahawk now. Touchdown Carson. Elliott fumbles! Nice work. Is Terrence Williams still even on the Cowboys? Dak flips to Tavon Austin for the touchdown. Buck's not a fan of that roughing call. Prescott throws into coverage and, after some juggling, Thomas comes up with the interception. No idea what Prescott was seeing. (Seahawks 24, Cowboys 13)




But why? Than Mack jumps offsides to keep the Cardinals in it. Rosen scrambles for 12 and a first down, somehow getting out of bounds also. Sack ends it. (Bears 16, Cardinals 14)

So there's a report that the Lions were talking about trading for Gronkowski and he thought about retiring as a result? WHAT? Patriots take the opening kickoff, which just seems like a dumb move. This is the one thing Patterson can do. Three and out! That's a win for this defense. No Golden Tate to start? What? Also, we've got a McCourty reunion I was unaware of. Stafford operating with time. Field goal is good.




No Josh Gordon tonight because he just got here. Kerryon Johnson with some shifty moves the likes of which this building hasn't seen in decades. (Actually, I don't think Barry ever played in this building.) Lions making moves. They're challenging this Golladay play and saying it's a touchdown. Patricia gunned that challenge flag — it landed at about the 5. That's a touchdown, yo. ANOTHER three-and-out for the Pats.




The Lions are jacked tonight. Flea-flicker! It fails, but the Lions draw pass interference. Stafford escapes a sack and finds Riddick for a nice gain. He throws too high for Jones and it's kicker time.




13-0. Brady urging on his compatriots. "One drive!" he's saying. Hey, some progress. The Lions stuff Sony Michel, forcing a field goal. It's good and it's 13-3. Stafford opens the second half with an interception. Not good. Patriots driving. There's Gronk. James White with the touchdown catch on a tough throw by Brady. Jones beats Gilmore for a touchdown! Patriots get stopped again. This Patriots defense looks like the one Matt Patricia left after the Super Bowl. Field goal is good. 23-10 Lions. Brady gets flagged for grounding on a 50-yard heave downfield to nobody. Great coverage by the Lions here, including doubling Gronk, who I think only has one catch tonight.




Blount time. Brady throws deep, but it ends up in double coverage and is intercepted! Stop the presses! THE LIONS HAVE A 100-YARD RUSHER! Big ups to Kerryon Johnson. Cris shouts out the Lions' offensive line. Pats forced to go for 4th and 12. They don't make it. Field goal should cap this off. Holy hell.




Now, I will remind you, Josh McDaniels beat down Bill Belichick the first time they squared off, too. We know how that ended for him. (Lions 26, Patriots 10)

You put this game in Week 3 before things go pear-shaped for the Buccaneers. And yet they're 2-0. Nobody knows anything. Steelers get the ball first and go three-and-out. Joe Haden gets physical and breaks up a third-down attempt to Chris Godwin. Roethlisberger runs around for a bit but gets intercepted. Fitzpatrick just cut the Steelers up. Touchdown Cameron Brate. Wait, the Bucs have two Harvard Men? Steelers back at it. Vance McDonald is uncovered, throws Chris Conte to the ground, and rumbles (yes, that's a rumble) 75 yards for a touchdown.




Extra point MISSES. Dungy going into the Bucs' Ring of Honor tonight. Is Gruden in it? Serious question. O.J. Howard breaks a tackle for a first down on 3rd and 9. Nice one-handed catch by Brate.




Booger talks the Steelers' linebackers struggles and reminds us that Ryan Shazier's not playing anymore. Roethlisberger takes a hit while launching a rocket to Juju at midfield. This pass is WAY too far, and a Bucs defender runs straight into the back wall past the end zone. I'm legitimately surprised that doesn't happen more often. Boswell's field goal gives the Steelers the lead. Artie Burns forces a fumble with his helmet and the Steelers recover. Brown makes one guy miss and that's that. 16-7 Steelers. Fitzpatrick gets rushed and throws it to a tightly covered Godwin, who still catches it. Nice. Pass tipped and intercepted by Mike Hilton, who also recovered the fumble earlier. Letter of the law, you can't hit the quarterback in the head. This leads to a discussion on the new hitting the quarterback rules. What they're asking these guys to do is physically not possible. Booger just said it. They fixed the catch rule. They can fix this. Now Lisa Salters is talking with Tony Dungy, who really does deserve more credit for bringing Black coaches into the league. Another roughing the passer, this time on the Steelers. Fitzpatrick airmails a pick to rookie Tremaine Edmunds. Witten notices that Mike Evans pulled up on his route. Fitzmagic is always finite. Bucs defense holds, but they get pinned inside their own 5. PICK-SIX FOR BUD DUPREE. How the hell did Evans catch this? Especially while being held for the entire second half of that route? 51 yards!




Godwin drops a touchdown in the end zone. Buccaneers settle for three. Wait, hold up. Arena League legend Eddie Brown is Antonio's father? That man was a BEAST. Suddenly it's first and goal for the Steelers. Schuster may have actually done well to drop that pass, as he wasn't getting into the end zone. DPI in the end zone. Roethlisberger hits Ryan Switzer in the corner of the end zone. 30-10 Steelers at the half. Wait, hold up: Steph Curry's been in the NBA for 10 years? What? The hell just happened? Godwin made the catch and the Steelers stopped COLD. He walked into the end zone. Was he touched? They review it and say he was. He comes back with another big catch-and-run, though. Fitzpatrick gets victimized by a coverage sack, then gets lucky that he wasn't picked again on third down. Field goal is good but seems like settling. Boswell misses AGAIN. So. Many. Penalties. Touchdown Godwin! He worked the back of the end zone and got open enough for Fitz. 30-20 with 12 minutes left. Steelers punt to DeSean, who takes it to about the Steelers 3... but an illegal block cancels it all out. How about showing that?




Touchdown Evans! Are the Steelers gonna blow this? Good Lord.




Conner with a 27-yard run. Lot of big plays tonight. What is Heyward-Bey angry about? He just cots this team a first down with that foolishness. Punt goes into the end zone. Switzer should have let that punt go — it might have reached the end zone on the bounce. Can't get sacked, Ben. And he doesn't! He sidearms one to Juju for 19 yards. Conner runs for another first down. I think I'm on Le'Veon Bell's side in his contract issues with the Steelers (being pro-management in this situation has become weird to me), but the Steelers may not actually need him. We're at the 2-minute warning. No more time outs for the Bucs. It's over. (Steelers 30, Buccaneers 27)
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