Thursday, October 11, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Paved With Good Intentions

No T.Y. Hilton. No Jack Doyle. No Marlon Mack. Edelman's suspension is over. There's a non-zero chance I'll have switched to either Braves-Dodgers or the Flyers by halftime. WE HAVE A CHAIN MALFUNCTION. Only in Foxboro(ugh). First play is a completion to Edelman. Patterson fights his way to the first down marker. Another catch for Edelman. White with a run. This drive is death by a thousand cuts. Touchdown Patterson with little resistance. Chung and Flowers obliterate Luck on a sack. Who is Chester Rogers? Two big catches already on this third colts drive. "How's UCLA doing?" Low blow, Joe. Viniatieri CLANGS and misses! Sick move by White. Michel gets another first down. Can't hit the quarterback in the head. That... should have been a touchdown for Michel (it's pronounced "Mich-elle", apparently) but Brady sneaks it himself on the next play. Eric Ebron actually makes a catch! Graphics glitch? Viniatieri hits this one as Buck and Aikman recount that he was hitting from 60 in warmups. Yeah, the down and distance has been gone for a while. The Patriots have been very methodical all night. Aw, man, Leonard's been arguably the Colts' best player this season.




Official review can't overturn this first down. Colts leave White uncovered, and he scores easily after catching a laser from Brady. Luck gets blitzed and throws an interception right to Chung. Gostkowski hits from 45 and it's 24-3 Pats at halftime. The Flyers game hasn't started yet.




Colts suddenly on the move. Hey, Ebron made another catch! This time for a touchdown! Interception Colts! That's on Hogan — it deflected out of his hands and he 100 percent should have caught that. That's a fumble? Which McCourty? (They're teammates now.) Ah, Devin, who also recovered it. Here's ANOTHER turnover! Gronk gets the ball knocked out of his hands and Najee Goode comes up with it. It's officially called a catch and fumble. After some misfires, Luck hits Ebron. Ryan Grant gets a first down. Touchdown Colts and it's a 7-point game! Patriots answering? There's Edelman again. Touchdown Josh Gordon!


That was not methodical. That was FAST. That's Brady's 500th career touchdown pass, and Gordon had to fight for every inch open he got. Gilmore jumps in front of Ebron and almost intercepts Luck. Colts convert a 4th and 5, but a fumble on the next play gives the ball back to the Pats. First play, Michel goes left side, pops some poor sap with a stiff arm, and scores untouched. Colts facing fourth and 6 into the end zone... no. We're done. After a punt, the Colts put together a drive that won't make much difference. This pass to Swoope a touchdown but it won't matter. As it's being reviewed, Buck remembers New York Times sports columnist Dave Anderson, who died today. The call is overturned and it's first and goal at the 1. Touchdown Ebron and this one will count. It won't matter, either. Brady greets Jacoby Brissett after the game. "You know you were never a threat to me, right?" (Patriots 38, Colts 24)

Signal Finder: JAX @ KC, BAL @ CLE (end), NYG @ CAR, MIN @ PHI, LAR @ SEA (end)

Raining in Kansas City. Jet sweep to Hill for 40 yards is negated by a hold on Watkins. Even the FULLBACK makes big plays in this offense. Mahomes runs for a touchdown.




Field goal is good. The problem the Jaguars are going to have is they can't score enough points to keep up with the Chiefs' offense if things go south defensively. Fournette didn't make the trip, and now Corey Grant's hurt, so the Jags are short on runners. Interception?




Mahomes connecting with Kelce much earlier than he did last week. Second and goal completely breaks down. Um, pass protection? Never mind, that was a coverage sack. Field goal is good. Bortles throws a screen DIRECTLY to Chris Jones, who's a defensive lineman for the Chiefs and proceeds to put a fake ON BORTLES as he returns it for a touchdown. There's a flag, but it's a face mask on the Jaguars. 20-0, and 10 points in seven seconds. Bortles hits D.J. Chark deep. It ends up not mattering. Halftime. The first real Jalen Ramsey-Tyreek Hill confrontation ends with safety help and an incompletion. Mahomes finds Kelce for a big gain. Field goal makes it 23-0. I feel like there's a set of circumstances where Dede Westbrook ends up becoming the Jaguars' best receiver. Touchdown Yeldon.




So Jones just got ejected for punching a guy on the ground during the extra point attempt. The official's RIGHT THERE. Hill wins that matchup with Ramsey for 36 yards,and Mahomes got roughed. Touchdown Tyreek Hill. Are we leaving? (Chiefs 30, Jaguars 14)

Are the Browns... winning? The Ravens are driving, I can tell you that. We've had a field goal blocked in this game, apparently. Ravens in field goal range with three minutes left. Ravens convert a 3rd and 12. Drive is killed by two drops, including one by Crabtree in the end zone. Tucker hits and it's 9-9 with 52 seconds left. Mayfield to Landry for 27 yards! But why didn't he go out of bounds? Browns get stuck and Greg Joseph is facing a 55-yard attempt. Not even close. OVER. TIME.





Browns haven't won on a SUNDAY since 2015. That's roughing the passer? Refs miss pass interference on Brandon Carr, whose continued employment continues to stun me.




Then the Browns get away with the same thing. Do the refs know there's still a game going on?




This game ending on a safety would be amazing. Mayfield completes a pass for 39 yards! 1:25 left! They're not booing, they're saying "Duke." Joseph back on for a 37-yarder. THAT WENT IN?? HOW?? Seriously, that looked like it was partially blocked. Browns win! (Browns 12, Ravens 9, OT)

Welcome back, Eric Reid. Julius Peppers STILL kicking around. Snap the ball, Panthers. Shepard wearing 81 this week for some reason. There's Beckham. Field goal is good. Rivera challenging this incompletion call on the Funchess play. Can't tell how this should go because Fox sucks at replays. OK, sure, why not. Double reverse to D.J. Moore for a tough first down. The Panthers have struggled badly with the play clock — they've been called for Delay of Game once already, and had to rush the next snap after that play. Curtis Samuel runs through some absolutely terrible tackling by the Giants and scores. Oh, I didn't know about his irregular heartbeat problem. And now Shepard's back to 87. Is there ANOTHER Shepard? I'm baffled. Giants already trying to line up to go for it on 4th and 3 but they won't get this play off. Pass is incomplete. Field your kicks, Giants. My God. Touchdown Panthers after some comedy in the end zone. Eli can't complete a pass right now. Is there something wrong with the communications in Charlotte? Both teams seem to be having problems getting plays in. 17-3 Panthers after that field goal. Beckham THROWS to a wide-open Barkley, who takes it in! That's the best pass the Giants have thrown all year. Cam fumbles on a third-down run, but they catch a break when the defender who recovered it was out of bounds. Charles Davis gives Kenny Albert deserved props for spotting that. Field goal is good. Apparently there are two Shepards. Eli almost gets picked but Beckham plays defense and knocks the ball down. Then Bradberry (the defender there) gets big-time payback when he knocks the ball out of Beckham's hands in the end zone. Clutch. Giants settle for three. Cam runs for a first down, doing what he does. Giants get hit with three straight penalties, including two on D.W. Webb, who gets dinged for holding and arguing with an official. Panthers ball at the Giants' 16. Interception! Four plays later, Mike Adams baits Eli into an interception. Sterling Shepard furious on the sideline. #81 is Russell Shepard, who's still in the league. That's a tough personal foul on the hit on Wright. McCaffrey gets the ball in a flash and is in the end zone before the Giants saw what happened. Another interception by Adams. Looks like miscommunication between Eli and Sterling. Now Jenkins picks off Cam. (That was four interceptions in a span of 27 offensive plays.) That's Beckham's first touchdown catch of the year. Giants go for two and get it. 27-24. Panthers facing 4th and 1. This should be a sneak as they go for it from the Giants' 44. Bootleg pass COMPLETE to Wright! I'm with Davis, I thought he'd throw to McCaffrey in the flat. Giants do well to get a stop. Field goal is good, but we haven't reached the 2-minute warning yet. Russell Shepard absolutely TORCHES this kid and... scores? It's reviewed, and Shepard was touched down at the 15. Barkley catches a pass in the flat and leaps into the end zone! Did he land funny? Extra point is GOOD and the Giants lead! Really, Panthers? Who called a run on 3rd and 1 with no timeouts left? Are they kicking a 63-yard field goal here? IT'S GOOD!!!






Jesus. That would've been good from 70. (Panthers 33, Giants 31)

Cousins slings one and Thielen dives for a first down catch. Vikings actually doing a little bit of running with no Dalvin Cook. Bailey CLANGS off the upright and OUT. Eagles' pass protection still an issue. The Vikings should attack this Eagles secondary. Mills with a solid pass breakup on 3rd down. Vikings sniff out a pitch on 3rd and 1. Buck waves to us from the booth. Graham with a sack. Hey, a Shelton Gibson sighting! Ajayi takes a lick from Sendejo. Smallwood drops a third down pass and the Eagles settle for three. Diggs makes two moves and gets a first down, then takes a handoff for a decent gain. It should be noted that the Eagles are shorthanded up front. And then Corey Graham and Darby go off within three plays of each other. Bailey misses AGAIN. Is he washed? Did the Cowboys actually know something the rest of us didn't? Wentz has time and hits Agholor. Goedert with a catch. Wentz it hit and fumbles(?), and Linval Joseph rumbles 62 yards for a touchdown. False start prevents delay of game. Chris Long whiffs on a sack and Cousins completes to Thielen for a first down. Lot of short stuff working for the Vikings. Bennett's sack is canceled out by a roughing penalty that the crowd hates. (Periera wasn't sold on it, either.) Darby's hold can't stop Thielen from catching a touchdown.




17-3 Vikings at the half. Eagles get the second-half kickoff. Smallwood catches that third-down pass and gets 23. Running game starting to pay dividends. Then Ajayi fumbles and that's the end of that. THEN Cousins hits Thielen for 61 yards from his own end zone. Mills didn't even bite on the double move, Troy. Thielen just ran past him because he's slow. They mix it up again on third down and get in each other's faces afterward. It's getting HEATED. They get separated (and Cox gets in Mills' face) and Bailey hits a short field goal.




Ertz misses one pass, but catches the next one. Jeffrey somehow gets wide open in the middle of the field. Agholor with a big catch. Sack may have kept the Eagles out of the end zone. You can tell Pederson didn't want to kick this field goal but he kind of has to. 20-6. Eagles force a three and out. Ertz gets some room in front of him. Eagles go for it on 4th and 1 and Jeffery hauls it in. This is a touchdown, right? Under the new rules, it is and the call is confirmed. Pederson going for two for some reason. Smallwood barely gets it in. 20-14. Diggs runs down a rushed throw from Cousins and makes a good play on it. This is a bad challenge. FUMBLE? This'll get reviewed. That is a lateral and that should be Eagles ball. It is! Jeffery takes a hit and can't hang on to it. Does Pederson try a 58-yarder here? Not initially, but the Vikings call a "Wait, what?" time out. They're going for this, for SOME reason. "Hulk Hogan?" That's not going to work. They punt. Big hole opens up for Latavius Murray. Rudolph catches a flip on 3rd and 1 and goes for 17 before stepping on the sideline. Diggs pulls in another off-target throw by Cousins but Jenkins tackles him immediately.




Pederson calls his last time out.  Bailey tries from 52. GOOD. Eagles work the middle of the field with Ertz as Aikman introduces the two-score end-game strategy by asking when they're going to kick the field goal. Or they can just score the touchdown anyway. Potentially important extra point is good. Onside kick time! It's up... and the Vikings have it. Well, at least the rest of the NFC East doesn't appear to be that great. (Vikings 23, Eagles 21)

Now Kupp AND Cooks are out? Gonna be interesting to see who else the Rams have. The refs move the ball back so it 3rd and about one and a half yards now. Gurley comes up short. The Rams send out the punt team and the Seahawks call time out. Then McVay pulls the punt unit and sends the offense back out. Goff sneak GETS IT! That's that.




(Rams 33, Seahawks 31)

Remember, Jason Garrett is still the head coach of the Dallas Cowboys. No Lamar Miller for the Texans. Nice catch downfield by Hopkins. Field goal is NO GOOD. Big catch by ex-Baylor hoopster Rico Gathers, who Al says the Cowboys have been trying to turn in to a football player.




Field goal is good. Hopkins with another big catch and he breaks some tackles afterwards. Watson gets smashed at the 1. Jet sweep to Keke Coutee and he scores! Prescott off target on his last two throws, one of which would have been a pick-six if Jonathan Joseph had held on to it. The Texans center, Nick Martin, is Zack's brother, which I did not know but makes sense. Coutee almost makes a great catch, but a penalty on the Cowboys keeps the drive alive. Watson avoids a 20-yard sack to set up a short field goal. Prescott's throw is high and picked off of the tip. Nice catch and run by Alfred Blue, subbing for Miller tonight. Hopkins makes a falling catch at the goal line. Touchdown? NO! His elbow hit the ground before the ball crossed the plane. 4th and goal now. Watson looks for a receiver, then scrambles for it, and does NOT make it. Um, why not kick the field goal instead of running... whatever that was?




Hopkins fumbles and the Cowboys get a decent return off of it. O'Brien challenges this Elliott run, I suppose because it would have been a first down otherwise. The Texans get one stop, but not two, and then Prescott finds Allen Hurns in the back of the end zone.




Prescott somehow finds Elliott with a flip to escape a sack. Then he throws another pass that gets deflected... and intercepted. Call stands. Dak is... perturbed. Big pass play to the tight end Ryan Griffin gets the Texans inside the 5, but they can't get any closer. Field goal ties it. Cowboys challenging this Tavon Austin sideline non-catch. Terry McAuley thinks it'll be an incompletion because he didn't make a football move (and the force-out rule was eliminated several years ago.) Call stands. That home vs. road winning percentage graphic is very telling. I'd forgotten how bad a coach Jim Haslett was. Prescott somehow got away from Clowney, and he's upset about it even though the Texans forced a punt. This Cowboys secondary can't handle Hopkins. Example: That's the first-ever PI on Byron Jones in his four-year career. Blue run doesn't work. Sneak doesn't work. Pass into the end zone... DOESN'T WORK. Christ.




They kick the field goal to go up three. Prescott gets flushed left, gets away from Watt and just throws it downfield where Austin comes back and catches it! Reminded me of when McNabb did something similar to the Cowboys. He wasn't completely across the line of scrimmage, so it's a legal pass. Field goal ties it. That's a big sack that Watt helped set up. Texans ball with 1:20 left.




Watson misses Coutee down the middle, then finds him down the seam and he gets out of bounds. Airmailed pass gets intercepted! Xavier Woods! (Not that one, thankfully.) Collinsworth said Woods shouldn't have run out of bounds, but with one time out left, he may have done the Cowboys a favor. They almost gave it right back! KNOCK IT DOWN! Overtime. Cowboys win the toss as Watson comes out of the medical tent. Cowboys burn half of overtime before... punting? On 4th and 1? Watson hits Hopkins, who spins out of at least three tackles (four!)







Blue gets nine yards closer. Fairbarn sets up. It's GOOD! (Texans 19, Cowboys 16, OT)

Brees needs 201 yards for the record. He could conceivably get it in the first half. Peterson limping badly after that tackle by Williams. Mark Ingram back from suspension for the Saints. You can't cover Michael Thomas with a linebacker. I don't remember him being this good at Ohio State. Ingram catches a pass and goes down the sideline for 27, then finishes the drive off with a run. Extra point is MISSED. Peterson's back, but it's Chris Thompson who just barely gets to the corner and picks up that first down. That's a great leaping catch by Paul Richardson. Ball at the Saints' 5. They hold on and it's 6-3. Ingram doesn't appear to have missed a beat. Blitz gets to Brees, but a late shove on Ingram gives the Saints 15 yards. Another nice catch by Thomas. Brees is forced to scramble on rd and 4 from the 5 but a penalty gives the Saints a first down. Brees cashes in, and Lutz barely makes the extra point. It's a little early to be plugging Rams-Chiefs in Mexico City, guys. Peterson just wrecked somebody with a stiff arm. Hopkins hits from 54 yards. Taysom Hill runs OVER linebacker Preston Smith on his way to picking up 3rd and 1. 52 yards to ex-Bear Cameron Meredith, who got behind the whole defense. Hill comes back in and runs a zone read to the 3. Ingram trips but still gets in. PAT happens without incident. Third down incompletion gets challenged. Brees's family heads down to the field as he's 35 yards away. TOUCHDOWN. First play of the drive, Rookie Tre'Quan Smith breaks a tackle and cruises 62 yards.




Brees being mobbed. Ref gives him the ball and a certificate.




By the way, they're going for two. They don't get it. This is a catch and fumble by Meredith, and it should be Washington's ball. Confirmed, and also confirmed is that Jeff Triplette's as bad at this as he was as a referee.




Alex Smith scores on a keeper from 4 yards out. They needed that. 26-13 Saints at halftime. There's TV-friendly stuff on the new Lil' Wayne record? Saints get the ball to start the second half and are in the end zone in five plays. That's touchdown pass No. 499, by the way. These are some long rollouts by Alex Smith. They go for it on 4th and 2 and... well, I'm not sure why he threw that pass, but it's intercepted and returned all the way to the 4. Hill scores on an option run.




Hey, a Jordan Reed sighting. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten hurt yet. (I wish I was kidding.) Smith has been under a lot of pressure this half, and he just fumbled. Field goal is good. Smith finds Crowder, them Maurice Harris, who gets caught from behind at the 3. Touchdown Thompson. Two-point try is stuffed. They keep replaying the audio from Brees breaking the record.




Bridgewater in to take a few knees. Wait, Brees hasn't won the MVP award? (Saints 43, Redskins 19)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. L.A. Rams (5-0) — That's a tough win
2. Kansas City (5-0) — This was easier than it should have been
3. New Orleans (4-1) — The offense is now complete
4. Chicago (3-1) — Because I don't trust the Bengals, and neither should you

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (1-4) — Valiant efforts, but for naught
30. Arizona (1-4) — That seems about right
31. San Francisco (1-4) — Oof
32. Oakland (1-4) — You really want this team, Vegas?

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