The production seems ... kind of minimalist, actually. Jamal Lewis lives! What this does remind me of is how much I hate Bryant Gumbel's voice. Reason #624 To Like Chad Johnson: His culpability. The Bengals' defense is crushing the Ravens otherwise tonight. Wipe off your camera lenses, please. THIS NEVER WORKS. Oh, wait. Wait, they couldn't have called that in time. Who doesn't love the flea-flicker? This is obvious, but B.J. Sams breaking his leg is a real blow, and the muff on the following punt was a direct result of that. These fans really want a shutout. Oops.
Signal Finder: MIN @ CHI, NYJ @ GB (for about 90 seconds), DAL @ NYG, JAX @ MIA
Shhhh... don't tell anyone, but the Titans have been getting better every week for the last month. Of course, Peyton can still do that and make it not matter so much. That's the 100th time? Wow. Witness how the Titans are tearing up the Colts' run defense. Interception? Interception. That might be too much time. Sixty yards? Are you kidding me? "Just a dream and the wind to carry me / Soon I will be free.."
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. The lost art of tackling (Guy who couldn't bring down Derek Anderson on his run in overtime, I'm looking at you); 2. Rex Grossman; 3. Nick Novak; 4. a Vikings quarterback; 5. The guy on the Broncos who fumbled the kickoff return on a hit by the kicker should have retired by now.
The way these two teams have gone, this could easily end up 6-5 or some nonsense. PROTECT THE $&(*^&#!(%$@# FOOTBALL. Once Hester got to the 30 and still had about eight Vikings to elude, I knew he'd make it. Look, I know you can throw on these guys, but Rex is trying to do way too much. I blame Steve Spurrier. Good Lord, what's happened to Brad Johnson? He's a Game Manager; he doesn't do stupid crap like that. Ricky Manning Jr. should really be starting somewhere. When did Cedric Benson start playing? Brooks Bollinger? Oh, shit. Is that Jackson? I thought he hurt his knee. What happened to Bollinger?
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Lions-Patriots. Seriously, I don't even know how that happens. I know a win's a win and all that, but if I'm a Pats fan I'm scared to death right now.
San Diego ... Super Chaaaaaaargers...
NO! NOT THE RED JERSEYS! They look like scuba suits, am I right? Does "Kiwanuka" translate into "curse" from whatever language that is? Good Lord. We're nearing the point where the hot-starting new quarterback crashes and burns horribly, so take that for whatever it's worth. You already knew this, but Plaxico's a complete idiot. By the way, who am I rooting for here? CRACK BACK. That's not a good start for Gramatica. More than anything else, it's the Raideresque stupid penalties the Giants always take that have me convinced that Coughlin's hold on this team is tenuous at best. Eli's played pretty well today, which is what he needed. Nice hands, T.O. Who the hell called that time out? That's a gutsy throw by Eli for several reasons, not the least of which is that it's Plaxico on the other end. You know who's good is Jason Witten. THIS NEVER WORKS. Buck: "Remember, of course, that nobody celebrates a field goal like a Gramatica." Aikman: "Yeah, if he makes this one, expect him to be out next week." As tempted as I am to cross off the Giants, the NFC's so bad.
As ineffective as Jake's been, I think this is a mistake. Cutler screws this up from here on and the Broncos are out of the playoffs. Of course, that may not matter if the Seahawks continue to move the ball at a pace that would make a snail say, "C'mon! Pick it up!" Eat it, Jay. EAT IT. See, that's why you eat that. Plummer: "I could've done that." I see Darrell Jackson's reverted to 2004 form. That's it; Shanahan's officially lost his mind. Why would you ever call a fake FG - and run that play especially - in that situation? I'll take back that D-Jack comment now. Mellencamp commercial count: 5. Why has Hasselbeck not thrown a single pass in the fourth quarter? OUCH. Oh, this looks bad. Man. You gotta go for it there, right? Fourth and 1 from the 5? OMG. Good thing they didn't, then. Is this too much time? Josh Brown for the win AGAIN! That guy's pretty good.
It's seriously weak how Panthers fans are turning on Delhomme. They do know Chris Weinke is their backup, right? LMAO at the teams going to the wrong sidelines after the coin toss. Why is Rod Hood covering Steve Smith one on one? I thought Garcia couldn't throw deep. What he has done is get away from pressure well. Can't really say the same for Delhomme. Somebody tackle DeAngelo Williams, please. Both punters are earning their money tonight. Does Delhomme usually complain this much, or is he just getting frustrated? Steve Smith's hip broke Michael Lewis's nose. The hell are you booing for? Nothing happened! OK, this routine where the game can't stay tied for more than five minutes is getting annoying. Gogogogogo Reggie Brown. Apparently the Eagles have found the one team that sucks worse at the fourth quarter than they do. I love the reverse in that spot. How do you throw a pass so high that a guy 6-5 and JUMPING can't catch it? At the end I figured they were booing Keyshawn for whining like the little bitch that he is. (Lito released him before they got into the end zone, and Theismann earns his money by pointing out that the refs have been a little lax with the contact rules all night.) He's gonna get fined for that.
"Predicted Week 15 Flex Game: Chiefs-Chargers (the best of a sorry lot)" DING.
FANTASY REPORT
USFLaPa (10-3, L1): We lose to Merc and drop to the No. 2 seed in the playoffs, which is actually good because the No. 1 seems to be cursed. We'll face Wade in the first round.
JackSux III (4-9, W1): Well, it's something. Actually, no, it isn't.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. San Diego (10-2) - LDT's "Fantasy Hero" streak: Five weeks and counting
2. Indianapolis (10-2) - The hell was that?
3. Baltimore (9-3) - *hiccup*
BOTTOM 3:
30. Tampa Bay (3-9) - I have to ask: is Gruden in trouble here?
31. Detroit (2-10) - So close... but not really
32. Oakland (2-10) - Someone please pull the plug
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