By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 14: Weak Links

Frenchy Fuqua had that record? I wouldn't have guessed that. And how about telling us his real name?

Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, BAL @ KC, DEN @ SD

Ladell Betts? Seriously? Ladell fucking Betts is doing this? Awful. Hey, an interception! Great heads-up play by TAFKA Will Peterson on the Lewis pick, and check out the block by Considine right after he catches it. Garcia's thrown a few of those ugly-looking floater passes, but he's gotten away with it so far. Man, the Redskins cannot close. This game should be a lot closer than it is. It'd be nice if the Eagles could stop Betts one time, though. Baldinger pointed out that the Eagles haven't been using their eight-man defensive line rotation as much with Kearse out. I say go back to it. It can't hurt at this point. Who is calling these red zone plays for the Redskins? Why are they exhuming T.J. Duckett here when Betts has been running wild? Big, big sack there by Dawkins - now they have to kick it. This is how the first game ended, right?

Of course, the Eagles' run defense can look at the Colts' and say, "Y'all got issues." Garrard: 14 pass attempts. Of course, when you run for two miles, you don't need to throw the ball that much.

Are the Chiefs still punch-drunk from last week? Nice throw into triple coverage, Trent. Geez.

Disillusioned Panthers fans, this is your alternative. Watch and cower in terror. On the other side of this, if the Giants lose this, they're officially done. Eil seems to have righted his ship, though the Panthers being down to their fourth and fifth corners doesn't hurt, either. Foster might as well have waited another week to come back.

Did that rumored fourth-quarter walkout by Lions fans end up gong down? Anyone?

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1-4. The Houston Texans; 5. Deion Branch. (Oh, and in case you were wondering, the Saints visit Houston next season.)

Did anyone see this coming? Good Lord. It's a good thing the Patriots aren't going to the Super Bowl anyway because Brady's gonna have nightmares about Miami after this farce. More on this later.

On the other hand, the Jets seem to be allergic to potential prosperity. Better corners would help. As would the ability to stop a sick man from breaking off a 57-yard scoring run - apparently McGahee was sick during the game and was eating a sandwich on the side line to get some food in him. Yeesh. The Jets will live to regret this one.

This right here is a beatdown. Who the hell is Tony Scheffler? This is now starting to look eerily like the first game with the roles reversed. Oh, wait, never mind. I suggested that for our "Fantasy Heroes" graphic, we should perma-weld LDT in there and just pick four other guys every week.

Well, that was entirely too easy. No Horn for the Saints, but Colston's allegedly back. Who in the blue hell is Mike Karney? I'll ask again: Who in the BLUE HELL is Mike Karney? Parcells did that on purpose, right? It's not like there was 1:59 left and the clock was running or something; there were about 40 seconds left. Why would you do that? What a sequence this last 30 seconds has been. Wow. Where's T.O. been tonight? Ah, there he is, getting an extremely lucky deflection. How that wasn't picked off, I'll never know. Romo hasn't been great (though this wasn't the total meltdown that all new, young starting QBs inevitably have), but the Cowboys' defense has gotten lit up like Christmas tonight. They're taking a knee with three minutes left? That's almost a bigger insult than just keeping on playing. That's like saying, "This ass-kicking has become tiresome." I'll be that's never happened in Saints history. I want to bottle this game.

Barack~~~~~~~~~ Over/under on "Griese on the bench" shots tonight: 4. What the ... did the Rams secretly rehire Mike Martz? What was that? Like eight instead of seven is going to make a difference the way the Bears have been going? We actually missed the first Hester return because we were trying to figure out if the Rams had, in fact, gone for two at the beginning of the second quarter. Looks like Rex has reverted back to September form. And looks like the Rams' defense has reverted back to something less than optimal. Hey, it's that Hester guy again. Lovie should put Griese in at the end here for shits and giggles, am I right? crosses off Rams

FANTASY REPORT

Well. I'd had a feeling all week that I might lose to Wade in our first-round playoff game, but I never thought it would happen because of Tom Brady getting sacked four times, throwing for about 20 yards, and basically having his worst game ever.

RANKINGS

TOP 3:
1. San Diego (11-2) - It's even nice in January
2. Baltimore (10-3) - A nice recovery at a tough venue
3. Indianapolis (10-3) - This has officially become A Problem

BOTTOM 3:
30. Houston (4-9) - Here, have some salt for that wound
31. Detroit (2-11) - Choose your hellhole, Brady Quinn, this one...
32. Oakland (2-11) - ...or this one