Sunday, November 24, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Emergency Exits

Yeah, I'll pass. (Vikings 34, Redskins 27)

Signal Finder: OAK @ NYG, PHI @ GB, CIN @ BAL (end), DEN @ SD

LOL at Giants fans thinking they're still in it. Your team is terrible, guys! Granted, so are the Raiders' fans team, but still. SPECIAL TEAMS DEBACLES. Sloppy football at MetLife Headquarters: It's a 2013 tradition! Why are the Giants throwing screens to Peyton Hillis? On 3rd and 20, no less? The Raiders are covering the Giants about as well as they covered the Eagles last week. And even when they cover well, like on the Randle touchdown pass, Eli makes a great throw.Oakland has a 3rd and 34 right now. And Eli just threw a pick-six.

I see the week off hasn't helped the Giants at all. Pryor just threw a terrible interception right to Thomas. Was he down? Right, all turnovers are reviewed. Gotcha. Of course Nicks drops a touchdown pass. I am suffering for you people right now. SUFFERING. ANOTHER BLOCKED PUNT. OK, so not technically. Is this where the Giants give up a game-winning touchdown drive? Actually, no. Pryor didn't feel the rush coming. Gotta get rid of the ball. Well that's that. (Giants 24, Raiders 20)

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology."


How do you leave Nelson open? The Eagles' defense is improving and is still ranked last in the league. And Kendricks got taken out by his own teammate. OK! This field goal attempt doesn't seem wise. CLANG. And another CLANG as Foles throws into what ends up being double coverage but both Packers miss the ball and DeSean ends up in the end zone. Did something happen to Wallace? Oh, looking at the replay, that may be a hamstring or a groin injury. Me, last week: "What happens if something happens to Wallace?" SCOTT TOLZIEN HAPPENS, THAT'S WHAT.


The Eagles are struggling so far covering swing-type routes. That wasn't a first down? Odd. And why not go for it? Lacy's been running over the Eagles so far. Uh-oh, Peters came back in after a head injury for one play and now it looks like he's hurt worse. Then possession changes and now Earl Wolff's down. Why are you calling time out after a penalty, Packers? Najee Goode just dropped an interception. Sick catch by Boykin — wait, did he get both feet down? That should have been challenged, no? And the Packers help the Eagles out by not running on third and short. THE OTHER BOYKIN! And he's got a cavalcade! He's getting tired. All that and nobody ends up scoring? Brutal. Is there a Heinz Field thing going on down at that end? Because that's where Crosby missed his, too. This game has fallen into a definitive pattern: Packers put together sustained drive, something bad happens at the end, Eagles go three-and-out, lather, rinse, repeat. Crosby misses AGAIN? What happened there? Terrible throw by Foles and Aikman thinks DeSean lost it in the sun, which is plausible as he's pointing to his face and shrugging and shaking his head. Is that roughing? I mean, it's a late hit, but whatever. We'll take it! Somebody made a field goal! So much for that improving Eagles secondary... they're getting torn apart in this 2-minute drill. How does Tolzien throw that pass? First the coverage is way too tight, and how does it get in that hole? Hey, somebody else made a field goal. Now we've got some more special teams weirdness. They mis-spotted the ball? Oh. Nice deep throw by Foles and nice job by Cooper adjusting — that looked like it was going to be intercepted at first. Now Tolzien has to throw more than he'd like. Deflection into an interception. Nice dive, DeMeco. I don't think this was part of my possible outcomes for this game. Another swing pass for a touchdown. That's the third almost-pick Foles has thrown. How did Avant catch that? Foles slides like a drunken man. The Packers covered that like the Raiders did. THAT'S roughing the passer. Did Curry just hug the ref after that sack?


This possible fumble is close. I don't think I could overturn it. WHY DID I TYPE THAT. Whoa. McCarthy's gotta challenge this one, too. You saw his reaction before the announcement. Big run after the catch by Casey. Now the Eagles are just running the ball down the Packers' throats. Who says Chip can't adjust? This was... I'm not sure what this was. Most likely a learning experience. (Eagles 27, Packers 13)


The Rams are doing to the Colts what the Spurs did to the Knicks, that's what. Also they finally decided to use Tavon Austin, though fielding that punt was highly questionable. At this point I'd say, "Hey, guess who's been nailed to the end of one of my fantasy team's benches all year!" but none of you care.(Rams 38, Colts 8)

The problem today is that the Ravens haven't been able to run the ball all year because their offensive line is awful and has been all season. That's why Flacco's having the problems he's having, too.

That first pick was one of the worst of the year. That last one wasn't completely his fault but that's a bad throw into coverage. Congratulations, Bengals: You got the ball back. Mind picking up the pace? Seriously, there was NO urgency on that drive. KNOCK IT DOWN!!!!!!

In a way, A.J. Green will never catch an easier touchdown pass. That play needed Gus Johnson.
The Bengals' last two drives have been brutal. Gio Bernard on a screen pass? That may be the worst fourth down play ever called. Though Boomer's equally wrong — punting's the worst option at that spot on the field. No idea why they're reviewing this. And the Ravens win a game that neither team deserved to. (Ravens 20, Bengals 17, OT)

JAGUARS!!!! (Jaguars 29, Titans 27)


Who needs arm strength? Maybe the Broncos don't need wide receivers the way Julius Thomas is going right now. Simms exaggerating SLIGHTLY. Did he get in? Oh, the ball did. Never mind then. Demariyus Thomas is officially running wild. That's two in a row. Oh, it's three. I stand corrected. After the Woodhead touchdown, things have ground to a halt. Gates is getting open too many times for the Broncos' sake. If Gates had caught that one in the end zone behind the defender's back, it's the catch of the decade. Mathews didn't make it. I stand corrected. Um, why WOULDN'T you go for two here? Seriously, guys? And how is it "too early"? It's the FOURTH QUARTER. Fumble? No. Broncos got lucky there. That's a risky pass. High and with a man behind Thomas, if that's incomplete or worse... and now Peyton's sitting on the grass. There's no reason for him to be in there to hand off to Knowshon Moreno. Brock Osweiler can do that. Still, game over. (Broncos 28, Chargers 20)


Guys, the Panthers might go to the playoffs. Guys. Seriously. (Panthers 10, 49ers 9)

A muffed punt? That's no good. Hey, Marques Colston! How was there no flag on that out-of-bounds hit on Harris? Yeah, the Cowboys don't need Sean Lee getting hurt again. And I find it interesting that DeMarco Murray gets the "injury-prone" label but Lee doesn't.


We just saw Mark Ingram's biggest play ever as a Saint. Yes, I'm aware it was only 13 yards. Pierre Thomas will always be underrated. Good to see Harris back out there after that hit earlier. Now we got the punter/kickoff guy in there breaking up a fight. Actually, after hearing that trombonist play the orchestral Sunday Night Football theme and thinking about it, NBC should give the Sunday Night Football DJ the night off and just use New Orleans street musicians for bumpers. (This would also apply to Nashville if the Titans are ever good again.) Apparently, Drew Brees is on fire. Knife. Through. Butter. I mean, they went 75 yards in 45 seconds. THIS IS THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MARK INGRAM'S PRO CAREER.




It's oddly true, though: when Lee goes out, that Cowboys D goes directly to the Ninth Circle of Hell. I mean, with him they're probably in the fourth, but still. Missing a 37-yard field goal indoors in inexcusable. Hey, a Dez Bryant sighting. He's been locked down all night and he almost dropped that one on two separate occasions. I LOVE the onside kick here — the Cowboys aren't stopping this Saints offense. Of COURSE it's intentional grounding. These are Tony Romo's Cowboys we're talking about. Doing stupid things at the worst possible time is their trademark. Brees just dropped an actual bomb on those poor kids. I mean that's just not fair.Yet it's also hilarious. Reconcile that, why don't you. (Saints 49, Cowboys 17)


And now we've got this car crash. It's a sad commentary when the Jaguars are the most stable NFL franchise in Florida (and only the third-most stable football team, behind Florida State and UCF, of all people.) Gruden might as well have said "They both suck" when talking about Martin and Incognito's on-field performance. The Dolphins essentially traded Jake Long for Mike Wallace and Wallace has been awful in Miami. There's a saying in the NBA: "You never trade big for small." Probably goes double in the NFL. Oh man, now this James kid is down? Who's his backup? When did the Bucs get Brian Leonard? I mean Schiano loves to stockpile his Rutgers guys so it's not surprising that he's here; I just missed it. TACKLE ELIGIBLE TOUCHDOWN!


Oddly, it's the Dolphins' defense that's getting its ass kicked to start out. Gruden talking about the Bucs' need for a franchise quarterback is hilarious since that's why he's sitting in the booth and not still on the sidelines. (To be fair to him, though, the Buccaneers have NEVER developed a franchise quarterback in their entire history. And no, Steve Young doesn't count. And Vinny Testaverde definitely doesn't count.) SAFETY. Dude came right through the line. This is just sad to watch. Even the Dolphins' special teams are getting worked.Wait, what's happening here? This... this is a good drive. As Gruden said, the Dolphins have shortened the routes and dropbacks because Tannehill has no time and they know it. Conspicuous by his absence is Mike Wallace. Touchdown and this is remarkably a one-score game.



Odd that Ross hasn't spoken to either player yet (and not tried to contact Incognito at all.) What's been handled worse: this or RGIII's injury? I feel like it's this only because more people are involved to screw it up. Great punt, but didn't it hit the pylon? How is that not a touchback? That's some dangerous play calling down here. Did this game just flip on itself? Now it's the Bucs' special teams that are stinking up the joint.
Down by contact is the right call there. Don't quite get going for two at this point in the game but whatever. The first incompletion in Jackson's direction had everyone puzzled. Nobody knew what he was looking at. Then Glennon throws an interception and everyone started wondering what he was looking at.




The Bucs seem to have smartened up like the Dolphins did earlier — they threw one pass on that touchdown drive. BUCS LEAD. There's an awful lot of stupid going on in this game too — Pouncey's punch, Goldson's headbutt, this bullshit with the punt returner hitting a gunner for no reason. Good Lord, how was that not picked off? Glennon has no idea how lucky he just got.
Now the Dolphins have a shot. Well, sort of. Of course Tannehill gets buried by five guys. IT HAPPENED AGAIN. Wallace was doubled and Revis picks it off. I'd say "only the 2013 Buccaneers could get a delay of game penalty during a kneeldown sequence" but the 2013 Jaguars could easily have done it also.

Actually, they probably pour it into the river but whatever. (Buccaneers 22, Dolphins 19)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (9-0) — Entering the crucible
2. Denver (8-1) — Peyton's future health in question?
3. Seattle (9-1) — Going streaking
4. New England (7-2) — With some reluctance

BOTTOM 4:
29. Buffalo (3-6) — Nothing ever goes right for this bunch
30. Minnesota (2-7) — It's hard to do this on purpose
31. Tampa Bay (1-8) — See below
32. Jacksonville (1-8) — Celebrate.

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