Sunday, November 3, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Break's Over

Here's a #TrueFact: Ellington's already better than Mendenhall and should really be starting. Someone please tell the Cardinals this.







Do the Cardinals even have fans? That crowd didn't make sense. (Seahawks 34, Cardinals 22)

Signal Finder: DAL @ PHI, NE @ NYJ (end), BAL @ PIT

So Rams-Panthers turned into WarGames, apparently. And this appears to be why. Don't piss off Steve Smith. (Panthers 30, Rams 15)

That right there is a good reason to shave your head. FOLES RUNNING. Have the Cowboys called a running play yet? Witten lives in space against the Eagles and always has. 112 catches all-time? That actually seems low. Can't miss a chance to tackle Dez short. Man, we got sacks all over the place. Foles not playing all that well, to be honest. Really not much going on here.



Both offenses have done a couple things, but either they're off or these defenses are playing better than anyone expected. Uh-oh, the Cowboys are percolating. Pretty sure Fletcher's the Eagles' best guy on the back end. Foles has missed Celek twice in a row.






Wait, Dez caught that, I think. I guess they're not looking at it. Jason Hatcher's doing yeoman's work on that decimated Dallas D-line. What the hell, Chip? Trying a 60-yarder on 4th and 1 with a time out? That makes absolutely no sense. The Cowboys have 10 penalties already? Seriously? That touchdown might do it the way this game is going. Wasn't the greatest throw by Romo there but Dez still has to catch that. And Chip wins his first challenge! You know what the Eagles could use is somebody who could make a play on defense. Three minutes of real time pass INTERCEPTION! Where was that pass even going? Did Romo jump? Nice play by 27 to break that up but I'm not sure Jackson would have stayed inbounds. And now he's hurt? They've got enough problems. What? How? WHAT? This gets automatically reviewed because it's a turnover. That's an awful throw. I can't overturn that. Brenneman: "I'm glad somebody else has that job." They reversed it!



Go for it, Chip. You may not get this close again. Shotgun? At least that worked. And Foles screws it up by getting sacked. Event he field goal was an adventure. Wait... BARKLEY'S warming up? Oh Lord. It's worth saying also that the Cowboys are playing their best defensive game in about four years. And now the Cowboys are completing every pass possible. Well, this game's over. Barkley's first throw is already better than anything Foles did today. And the Cowboys jump offside, nullifying an interception.  How are there still nine minutes left? Sadly, this interception will count. Romo fumbles again? Blah, he got it back. This game is STILL going on? Hey, Barkley got the Eagles across midfield. So there's that. (Cowboys 17, Eagles 3)

Gronk! He's been rather large. But he just dropped the game-winner. Brady's doing what Brady does so far. And we're tied. Nelson did exactly what you should do now with the Calvin Johnson rule: roll over onto his back. Is it bad that I've already forgotten the overtime rules? Oh, thanks, Dierdorf. The hell? Folk from 56? Is Rex smoking something? An unsportsmanlike conduct? Pushing the opponent into the pile? WHAT THE ACTUAL. I don't see it. Lot of boos here — place must be packed with Pats fans. How do you even call that? I mean I don't even care, but... how?



That's it's unsportsmanlike conduct and 15 yards is incredibly harsh. Here's Folk again, from half as far away. Holy crap the Patriots are unimpressive. (Jets 30, Patriots 27, OT)

Nantz and Simms not calling this game is strange. Jerricho Cotchery still being reliable is amazing to me. Felix Jones always could return kickoffs. Rivalry games spur anger and emotion. The Ravens were lucky to get that kickoff back. Seemed like the Steelers had the ball a long time to not be across midfield. That is a fumble. I think Torrey Smith just lost a yard trying to get out of bounds. The Steelers are playing like men possessed... which sometimes leads to being offside like on that sack just now. Ray Rice is having a terrible game, by the way. The Steelers are going like they're running out of time, which they kind of are if you look at the standings. Mike Tomlin just activated a time vortex with that challenge. The Ravens are going for it despite their inability to move the ball on the ground. Quarterback sneak! The best move there under the circumstances. Flacco trying to do his best Ben impression. They needed a touchdown. And I hate this onside kick. The Ravens aren't even trying anything deep. There's the touchdown they needed last time, and they've left Roethlisberger with two minutes. I still don't trust Suisham. And yes, I'm well aware he made the kick. (Steelers 19, Ravens 16)






Back-to-back three and outs? Drink! Two passes and a touchdown. Entirely too easy. Don't know why the Broncos are punting here. Oh, right, John Fox. That ball's out! Whoa! What? They're saying he's out of bounds? Pagano can challenge this, right? Why wouldn't it be a touchdown? The Colts player wasn't touched. Oh, because the call was out-of-bounds, so the ball was dead and you can't advance a dead ball. This should be Colts ball at least, though. I thought Heyward-Bey got a raw deal from the Raiders - he was finally figuring it out and they cut him for no good reason. Holliday just got killed by the PUNTER. Crazy catch by Julius Thomas. Man, this place is still loud. Fumble into the air! Wait, he's inbounds. They have to look at this, right? Ah, his shoulder's out of bounds. OK. Safety! Nice run by Luck — Peyton can't do that. The fullback outrunning people was amusing. Ah, jeez. Champ just came back, too. It feels like the moment has gotten to the Broncos. And the Colts are also jacked up. Look at Fleener going airborne for extra yardage. Whoa! That was very well done. The official who would have signaled touchdown got knocked out of the way. Who saw this coming? Decker might have gotten that flag — or the ball — if he hadn't stopped. A couple of people have noticed that Peyton's throws don't look that great, especially after the fumble/safety. Where's Welker been? Holy crap, Luck. That's better, Decker. I guess he didn't catch it. Ever since the touchdown he's been having a rough night. Andrew Luck is the Colts' best running back. The Broncos haven't looked good for the last two quarters. Decker was very lucky to hang on to that and Peyton was lucky initially to not get picked. Now he's forcing throws like Eli's been all season.


That one didn't look good either but Demayrius bailed him out. Fumble! Broncos have enough time to go for this 4th and 1. Hey, Welker showed up. Still plenty of time here, folks. Touchdown Moreno. Third and one and the Colts throw? What? Wayne's down and he wasn't touched? Oh no. This looks bad... that's exactly what happened to Revis last year. Well, he's walking off, at least. Peyton gets intercepted! What was wrong with... oh, the rusher got Peyton's arm.



Luck probably should have taken the sack — keep the clock running. Are you kidding me with that catch, Welker? Does nothing all game and then that. And again! Wait, what's going on now? Pagano challenged without being sure of possession? Oh, it's Colts ball? Here's my question: Why wasn't Moreno in the game there? Along with his quarterbacking skills and athletic ability, Andrew Luck is a fine actor. Now we've got some Keystone Kops foolishness with these penalties on this punt. Dude's definitely loose. Holliday should have fielded the third punt. That's a bad sack for the Broncos. This I don't like... you can't waste time running the field goal unit out there. And that's that. THE STUDENT HAS BECOME THE MASTER. Watching the end of game handshakes, I'm sad Reggie Wayne isn't out there. (Colts 39, Broncos 33)

And now to this, which feels like a walkout fight by comparison.


So who's the Giants running back? A seventh-round pick from UMASS. (Who, FYI, just moved up fully to D1 football this season. They effectively took Temple's spot in MACtion.) Peyton Hillis is still alive? The Vikings' secondary would fit right in in the NFC East. And there's Nicks' year in a nutshell. At least they made the field goal. FREEMAN! I expect Adrian Peterson to get 60 carries tonight. Yeah, the Giants suck on special teams, too. Hold up, let's see about this flag. Is there a Vikings contingent at MetLife Headquarters? 'Cause there was a cheer when the first penalty was announced. I can't fault Weatherford for that horse collar. He's a PUNTER. He doesn't know any better! Still, he could have at least done it to the guy with the ball. Look, if you're gonna bench Eli, you've got to bench about 40 other guys too. There are two players on this team who haven't been God-awful: Cruz and Prince. That's it, that's the list.


But maybe it's not all hopeless:



Did Rolle even hit Simpson? It looked like he was closer to hitting Prince. That's a clutch punt. Well at least the Vikings still have Jared Allen. OK, he just sacked two guys with one arm. Way to start the second half, Vikings. SPECIAL TEAMS. Wait, did he go down on his own? Moron. This same guy ran one back earlier. We got guys just falling down by themselves all over the place here. What is this?


Can't put that one on Freeman. Why did Sharrif Floyd have the ball in the first place? What is going ON up there?


And I can't believe I haven't made this point yet, and I'm not sure Tirico or Gruden have, either (as I'm only half-watching this debacle): Why in God's name are you throwing so many passes with a guy who's been there for two weeks?



Freeman and Hillis postgame: "Seriously, fuck Schiano, right?" (Giants 23, Vikings 7)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (7-0):


2. Denver (6-1) — Do we see some holes?
3. Seattle (6-1) — Not pretty, but effective
4. New Orleans (5-1) — May already have division wrapped up

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Finally!
30. Minnesota (1-5) — I hope management kept the receipt
31. Tampa Bay (0-6) — It gets worse and worse
32. Jacksonville (0-7) — See above
Posted by at
Labels: , , , , , , ,

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)