Friday, November 29, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Out In the Wash

Man, the Colts start things as effectively as I do. How are you gonna let Ryan Fitzpatrick do you like that? Did dude just headbutt the guy whose helmet got knocked off? He's getting thrown out, right? He's not? Seriously? The thing is, the Trent Richardson trade wasn't supposed to make Donald Brown the Colts' best running back. The Titans' special teams have been rather sad at the most inopportune times tonight. Like that onside kick, for instance. Giddyup. (Colts 30, Titans 27)

Signal Finder: WAS @ PHI, SD @ MIA, DET @ PIT (end), GB @ NYG



Everything went wrong on that long ball to Cooper. This is why you don't lead with your helmet. Well that amounted to nothing. Whoa, Griffin actually slid. They're saying he accidentally caught Chung in the mouth when he slid. How does that even happen? What does John Lynch know about Jamel Holoway? Eagles have been mostly running free so far against this defense. McCoy! Ryan Kerrigan's good but he can't cover him. Foles with a spin move?


A screen to the tight end? Who does that? This'll probably be ruled down at the 2 or so but Celek ran through about six guys. You dream of holes that big when you're one yard out. THAT is how you tackle someone. The entire Redskins defense should be taking notes. Now Griffin's gone into, "Well, looks like I'll have to do this all myself" mode. He's doing some good things on this drive. That's not one of them. Couple bad penalties to start, though I'm sure Meriwether did something to deserve being yapped at. This Eagles offense is good and this Redskins defense is bad. Ouch. Fletcher just crushed Foles. Oh THAT'S not good. Well, they got three out of it. This... isn't a fumble. Or at least it shouldn't be. Hey, another sack by Cole! Also holding, which is just funny. Oh good, Shady's back. Refs missed a facemask on Jackson (who Peters committed his on) plus Kerrigan was offside. Still, Eagles have been getting open all day. That drive took 5:19? That's an eternity. Why are the Redskins running the ball down 24-0? Someone pulled 2008 Trent Cole into the future. Good job by Erin Andrews here calling on her familiarity with Chip to talk about his philosophy. Things are slowing down now. How does the fullback get that open? And Cole and Chung banged helmets. This game feels like it should be closer to ending than it actually is. Why are the Redskins letting the play clock run down? And they're running the ball too? Really? WHAT. That looked like it was covered and the receiver came back and got it.


Foles is short. Kick this. That's a big-time punt. This returner doesn't have much confidence to let it go like that. Big third-down catch by Moss. Get your hand off his face mask. I think it's telling that every time I see Cary Williams involved in some weirdness down the field, I assume he's responsible for something bad happening when it probably hasn't been all his fault all the time. Carmichael slipped for a moment on that 3rd down pass to Moss. No! Wait, where was there even a hold? This is becoming ridiculous. BRANDON BOYKIN HAS SAVED US ALL. That was WAY too close. (Eagles 24, Redskins 16)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That:




And the way things have gone for these two teams, I'm not sure the game would have been much better under non-life-threatening conditions. (Bears 23, Ravens 20, OT)

How do you let Stafford get a first down running? The Lions needed this game. Good win for the Steelers but I fear it's too late. (Steelers 37, Lions 27)

Meanwhile, everyone in Miami's throwing interceptions. It seems like the Dolphins host a lot of 4 o'clock games that aren't part of doubleheader Sundays. Can't let Gates run free down at the goal line. Yeah, that's roughing. Two full steps AFTER the ball's gone? The good thing for the Dolphins is it negated a terrible fumble by Hartline at about the 1. Thomas went airborne to score there. You don't see that much anymore. Both teams need to win this game but neither one seems to want to. This will come back because I'm pretty sure Rivers was past the line of scrimmage. Yeah, that wasn't close. Where'd the Dolphins find this Clay guy? Really useful player. That pocket just fell apart on Rivers. Also, no one was open. I almost think they should try a field goal here, or maybe even run a fake.  Dolphins called time out for no apparent reason after Rivers spiked it. The second one made sense because you gotta have 11 men out there. KNOCK IT DOWN! SOMEBODY DID FOR ONCE. PRAISE BE. (Dolphins 20, Chargers 16)


That's not good punt coverage. This has been the Giants' best drive in about a month. The Packers' pass defense looks like the Redskins'. Now Eli's throwing up some high balls. I see Clay Matthews is club-less this week. Whoa. Let's not forget, though: Tolzien moved the ball against the Eagles last week but the Packers missed two field goals and threw an interception in the end zone. The other thing that's cost Hakeem Nicks money this season is Reuben Randle's emergence.


Nice diving pick by Williams to end this Giants drive. Jon Beason had basically lost his job in Carolina and that's why he was available in the first place — he's helped them solely by being their first mostly competent linebacker since Antonio Pierce. Holy hell Mason Crosby. Where'd he pull that from? Not sure where Tolzien was going with that pass that Beason intercepted.
The Packers just ran a fake punt that almost worked. This is like the Foles run that came up just short.


Brandon Jacobs still being a viable NFL player in 2013 concerns me. Oh, look, the Giants got beaten deep again. And Lacy puts the Packers right back in this game. WHAT JUST HAPPENED. That was like the interception version of the Clowney hit against Michigan. Don't like the Packers punting here. And that Rolle pick will end it. Don't look now, but... oh, let's not kid ourselves. Don't actually look now. Stop with these delusions. (Giants 27, Packers 13)


What's hilarious to me is everyone complaining about the call when Brees got clotheslined (which was borderline at full speed) when it was Sproles getting run over on the fair catch that actually decided this game. (Saints 23, 49ers 20)

Did we ever get a halfway decent explanation as to why Kubiak pulled Keenum that wasn't either "he's trying to get fired" or "he's shaving points"? And about the Schaub-Johnson dust-up: Schaub made a bad throw into traffic and Johnson short-armed it. So they're both to blame. (Raiders 28, Texans 23)

This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Roy Ellison; 2. Clete Blakeman; 3. Tony Corrente.

"Just a Job To Do" by Genesis? Solid deep cut.



PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Quentin Jammer's on the Broncos? When did this happen? Bowe had to turn around for that one.




Later, Smith tried to hit Bowe on that sideline pattern that Demariyus had already beaten them twice on. The flag gives them another shot and Charles gets loose. Knile Davis is getting a little too much run here for my taste. I'm stunned Andy hasn't called a pass play here. You're not beating the Broncos with field goals, sir. This also allows Peyton to march down the field without a care in the world. Demps just missed a pick-six. Prater missed? That's a bad sack. How do neither McCluster or Charles think to get out of bounds? Defensive holding? Collinsworth just said what I was thinking. But if the Chiefs decline the penalty, wouldn't the half end?

TY sir. Von Miller going down is problematic but as they're showing, Fisher (who hasn't been good this year) has handled him to this point. I'm actually more surprised than I probably should be that we've gone this long without anyone scoring. Hey, a Brad Childress sighting. Spread Game Analyst/Special Projects? What does that even mean? Does the spread game need its own analyst? Is this college?

Andy's mad about something but I think Woodyard was within five yards. Uh-oh, Decker got free. First we've seen of him tonight. And Ball scores again. Oh, that's a rather obvious hold that explains how Smith was able to escape the pocket the second time. Lot of Broncos getting banged up tonight. Wait... what are the Chiefs doing?

And Collinsworth calls that a successful drive. Whatever, man. Reid challenging that would have been some kind of exacta. Seriously, guys? Fox would never go for it here. That said, it almost doesn't matter — the Chiefs aren't scoring 14 points in seven minutes. Feels like they're not moving quickly enough. Is this worth a challenge? APPARENTLY IT IS.


All that and they kicked it deep? I don't agree with that, either. This is a critical spot, and now a critical challenge. And that one goes to the Broncos, and likely so does this game. Wouldn't "touchdown, touchdown" be most preferable? And how did McCluster catch that? (Seriously, every time situations like this come up, the announcers always talk in terms of tying the game instead of winning it. Bugs the crap out of me. Didn't they listen to Herman Edwards?) If I'm the Broncos I don't want that to be an interception. This is what we expected, right?

I mean, not that part, but the rest of it, right? (Broncos 27, Chiefs 17)


This was quite the sequence: Tirico: "...Tom Brady." Patriots: walk out Crowd: "BOOOOOOO!!!!!" Remember a month ago when this matchup looked like an utter disaster? These graphics though. The Shane Vereen Show to start? They're not booing; they're saying "Luuuuuuuke." And that guy is why Jon Beason's now a Giant. Steve Smith! RULES AND REGULATIONS. Gruden having flashbacks was amusing. DO NOT FIGHT STEVE SMITH. Seriously, you knew that was getting ugly when Talib wouldn't let go. CAM IS SPLIT OUT WIDE. Smith's got Talib shook. Hey, Lafell actually caught it! Man, Belichick's doghouse is filling up quick. We're all talking about Ron Rivera pulling himself out of the bottomless pit, but this is easily Mike Shula's (Carolina offensive coordinator) best-ever coaching job. Talib is all kinds of twisted up right now.

Also worth noting: The Panthers start a cornerback whose given name is "Captain." Carry on.

Cam just ran for 25 yards. Hey, there's Gronk. (It's the two minute warning, BTW.) Quintin Mikell's still alive? Apropos of nothing, but I just learned that Michael Bolton is flat broke. Tolbert should never run outside the tackle box but that somehow worked. Talib was about five yards away from Smith on that one. Olson! And the Panthers regain the lead. I guess Ridley got pardoned. And that makes it official. That completion streak almost got broken up in a bad way. Two Rutgers guys defending that pass? I'm honestly surprised the Patriots haven't run the ball more this season — maybe Vereen's injury hampered that somewhat, but that's clearly their strength. And of course they go away from it and Brady throws it to nobody, saving four points for Carolina. (Nobody wants to talk about how Belichick has slipped over the last five years.) On the flip side, the Panthers should probably start going downfield even though they've been searching for a second receiver since Cam got there. It may ultimately have to be Olsen. Olsen and McCourty trying to get the same holding call was  hilarious, and the refs got it right. Damn, Talib's not even on the field?


THE ORIGINAL SPEED STRIKES AGAIN!! These teams have been here before. And Brady finds Gronk on fourth down. Unbelievable. Not over yet. That one was off Vereen's hands but Kuechly was right there. Oh, that was his hand they were showing earlier. Two chances here for the Patriots. Now one. OK, I don't know how they got that sideline route SO quickly. Still one more chance. INTER- oh, no. No, not... NO FOUL?! Brady's pissed. And why is this ref letting Ryan Mallett give him lip? He should eject him on general principle. Hey, ESPN's actually using Gerry Austin! They ruled it uncatchable. How, exactly? And now we're seeing why ESPN doesn't use Gerry Austin — he couldn't be more wrong about this.


(Panthers 24, Patriots 20)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Denver (9-1) — Now we're learning things
2. Seattle (10-1) — Powering up for the stretch run
3. Kansas City (9-1) — Had their chances
4. New Orleans (8-2) — Sliding back into the picture


BOTTOM 4:
29. Houston (2-8) — It's all fallen apart
30. Minnesota (2-8) — I am Percy Harvin's spiteful revenge
31. Tampa Bay (2-8) — Didn't see that demolition coming
32. Jacksonville (1-9) — Back to normal

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