Saturday, November 9, 2013

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: 60-Day Warranties


(Panthers 31, Buccaneers 13)

Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, DAL @ DET (end), PIT @ OAK, WAS @ DEN

I'm not sure whose fault that was... Celek turned in the opposite direction from the ball. Don't do it, Chip... the ball didn't touch him. Vick hasn't looked good so far. Hey, a James Casey sighting! The offensive line hasn't looked much better — Vick's been getting hit on almost every play.

Wait, what?


How did that work? Oh, right, Cary Williams in coverage. I've been hearing all week about how much better this defense has been playing. What happened to that? Eli's been putting too much on these throws into the end zone — that's two guys he's led out of bounds. Illegal snap? That's a thing?

Yes, running the ball is probably the best idea at this point. Get SOMETHING established. This isn't working. As bad as the Giants are, Barkley could probably win this game. I have to think that Cruz is probably the most hated Giant by Eagles fans right now. This game is flying by. That went through the uprights? Oh, it was high and went over it. Well, with Barkley in, the "bizarre Eagles-Giants game" trope is now officially in play. And he drops the first snap and still completes the pass! Two in a row! I'll remind everyone again that Barkley got across midfield the same number of times as Foles did last week.
Now THAT'S pass interference. Giants hurting themselves with penalties on this drive, which will only help the kid. I am kind of surprised that Barkley's throwing this much already, two-minute drill aside. And that's why I was worried about that. That's not getting overturned.

That's on Chip. Run the ball. Halftime and it could be much, much worse. There's McCoy's best run of the day. This is more like it. Was there nobody open on that sack Barkley took? Not sure how I feel about that one. The Eagles are going to need a takeaway here.


This offense has completely shut down. If the Giants were any good they'd be up by 30. Eli moving everybody around like he's coaching eight-year-olds. See, here's a perfect example of why Chip's ideal pace should be universal: How may delay of game penalties have the Eagles had this year? Josh Brown is definitely loose. I mean, this offense has been awful all game long but you can't punt here. Can you?

What... what just happened? The Eagles just recovered a bad snap on that punt and got a touchdown! Now what? Do you dare onside kick this? This would be the most Eagles-Giants game ever if the Eagles somehow pulled this out after that display. Chip clearly doesn't trust this offense and it's hard for me to blame him. Still, I don't think I would have done that. This is probably the worst game Chip's ever coached. Also, these teams are bad. (Giants 15, Eagles 7)



Did Stafford think Sean Lee was his teammate on that second pick? Dez's mouth pissed Megatron off. Then Romo's play pissed Dez off and he decided to win this game by himself. (As he should've. Romo was playing terribly before that explosion and the one Witten had on the previous drive that NO ONE commented on. We would learn a couple of days later that Dez wasn't really angry, but trying to exhort his teammates to... something? Which means we may have wasted an entire week talking about this. Also, I like my hypothesis better.)

Really, Stockton? Under 50 percent is 'lights out?' Barkley did better than that. Pettigrew almost had that. Gotta go to Calvin here, right? Double-teamed or not? Lot of Cowboys fans in the house. The Lions literally gave this game away. Haha the Cowboys committed offensive holding to stop the clock. It's 18, not 81! Oh look, Scandrick got beaten in coverage again. THAT'S never happened before. Johnson to the 1. A SNEAK. TOUCHDOWN LIONS. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Here's the other thing Stafford doing what he did does: Because it was ruled a touchdown, it's automatically reviewed, thereby stopping the clock. So even if they'd overturned the ruling, they could have run another play.





The Lions gave the Cowboys this game several times but the Cowboys refused to take it. That's why, even though they're going to win the NFC East, they're going to get smashed by whoever they face in the playoffs. (Lions 31, Cowboys 30)

What did I miss? Pryor ran 93 YARDS?!?!?! Is that a record or something? (Turns out it was.) That's a bad overthrow. I keep forgetting Polamalu's still playing and I feel like that's a bad thing. The Raiders' kick returners are struggling. Jacoby Ford knows better, doesn't he? They got lucky to get that back. The Steelers have looked like crap so far and it kind of reminds me of the opener against the Titans. Shaun Suisham's doing Shaun Suisham things. The Raiders aren't good, but they're not as bad as they were supposed to be. Hey, a Darren McFadden sighting! God, Suisham SUCKS. There's been a lot of bad quarterbacking and bad pass protection in this second half. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Ben's trying to lead the Steelers back but getting sacked for the fifth time will not help matters. THEN he gets picked off on a throw while he was being sacked but the guy who got it was called for holding. And Bell soars into the end zone. What the hell was that and who the hell called it?!?! That was supposed to be a wide receiver pass? OK. That's some desperation right there. Here comes the onside kick... and the Raiders get it. Why are they reviewing this? McFadden got it back and the yardage didn't change. That didn't make sense. I'd have let that go if I was Antonio Brown. crosses off Steelers (Raiders 21, Steelers 18)


So Peyton's got two bad wheels. Good thing he makes his money with his arm. Like so. Also the Redskins are bad defensively. Garcon makes that great catch and then they can't get half a yard. I guess they're not that good offensively either. DeAngelo Hall was basically humping Demaryius Thomas and Peyton still completed that pass. This is moving considerably slower than I expected, at least so far. Something will break soon, I'm sure. Wait, what happened? 12 men on the field? And the Redskins capitalize. This game hasn't been anywhere near what anyone expected. Aw man, how do you call a hold on Peyton there? He's doing all he can do.  That's a turnover, by the way.

Whoa. Redskins just took the lead. And Peyton just threw a pick-six to Hall. Thomas fell down and what is going on here. The Broncos look baffled right now and I can't blame them — I'm baffled too. Only 21-7 into the third quarter isn't the game anyone was expecting. Demariyus ran into his own man or he would have scored. Montee Ball just moved a pile of about eight guys. Vickerson's the guy who caused Luck to flop last week — good job by Fox pulling him off the field after that one. You just can't do it. I doubt Aikman got paid for that Super Bowl XXII security gig. insert NCAA rant here The Broncos' receivers are begging for flags like they're the Giants. Going for it on fourth down again? Sure, why not. And we're tied. (And you shouldn't be surprised.) One thing I've seen the last two weeks is Griffin has been off badly on his deep throws. Nice punt. Moreno ran right through the Redskins "defense". Von Miller lives! A touchdown here would have been a dagger. Of course, now the Redskins can't block anyone. The Broncos are using 12 running backs in a game like Shanahan used to. Bad throw, Peyton. But did the Redskins give it right back? They sure did — Garcon fell down like Thomas did earlier. And that's that dagger we were looking for. Another interception? Well OK then. Griffin got crushed again on that one. 15 knockdowns? Jebus. Uh-oh. Cousins is in. Uh-oh. That's a pick-6. Shut it down!

(Broncos 45, Redskins 21)

(Bengals 49, Jets 9)




That Rodgers pass to Nelson just shouldn't be allowed. You understand what a high level the top guys are at when you see throws like that.


You think Greg Jennings regrets his decision? Still, this is already a better game plan than the Vikings had Monday night. Look at Kyle Rudolph elevating. Get those hands up! The Wildcat? Does Frazier think it's 2009? JORDY. PUNT RETURNS. This could get out of hand in a hurry. That pass interference on Williams was... questionable. Still, new life for the Vikings, I suppose. A run? That's some grapefruits but no other back in the league makes that work. The Packers are grinding here. They've been killing it on third downs tonight. Heads-up play by Boykin to know he wasn't touched and get up and dive for the first down. Rodgers is doing this with a bunch of dudes named Myles White and Andrew Quarless. Yeah, I don't know, either. That graphic is amazing: 50 of 53 guys on the roster now were only ever Packers. The Colts had something like that in their Super Bowl year. So, this game doesn't matter anymore. Toby Gerhardt's still alive? Travon Williams just tried to okie-doke Patterson. No one was fooled. Ponder just ran for a touchdown. Joey Browner was a boss. Never forget. The VIkings' D could have used him tonight but that's neither here nor there.

(Packers 44, Vikings 31)


Gruden sings the hits? Well, Clemens survived the opening drive. I'm surprised the Rams have been able to move the ball a couple times. Until that happened. Bruce Irvin in coverage? That's just embarrassing. Crowd cheers Matt Holliday's game-tying home run a few blocks down Broadway. Another interception? And why have the Seahawks not scored yet?

THREE flags on one play, Rams? The Raiders tip their spiked cap. Wow, who else thought Wilson was going to make that one? There you go. Clemens is having problems. I'll say this: This Quinn guy Gruden's been trying to sing about all night is GOOD. I mean, if you like pass rushers, you need to be watching this game. Some really good ones here. That's why it's 7-3 at the half. I mean, Wilson just avoided taking a safety there. Who had Zac Stacy ballin' out tonight? Why is Clemens jawing with Sherman? That's a battle you'll almost always lose. OH HE JUST GOT OWNED. Come on, guys, go for it. What have you got to lose besides another game? WOW. How did Jenkins not pick that off? And how did Tate catch it? And what was that foolishness afterwards? He almost went out of bounds! Why is this review taking so long? It's an incomplete pass, and even if it's not, the ball was out of bounds before it was picked up. And now the Seahawks are offsides. The Rams nave blown so many red zone chances tonight it's kind of ridiculous. This is why Jeff Fisher's really only an average coach.


Did Gruden just name-check Az Hakim alongside Bruce and Holt? Should've gone for it, Fisher. Seriously, Seahawks? How are you letting this happen? Givens drops a third-down pass but the Seahawks are offside. Wait, how is Fisher letting the clock run down the right decision here? Not that it's wrong, necessarily, but does it even matter?

Seahawks storm the gates! That pass wasn't even close. This game, on the other hand... (Seahawks 14, Rams 9)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Kansas City (8-0) — Road starts turning tough
2. Denver (7-1) — Starting to slip a bit
3. Seattle (7-1) — Take it and smile
4. (tie) New Orleans (6-1) — Back to normal
4. (tie) San Francisco (6-2) — Hottest team in the league

BOTTOM 4:
29. N.Y. Giants (2-6) — Not a performance to be proud of
30. Minnesota (1-6) — This is gonna lead to a lot of bad endings
31. Tampa Bay (0-7) — Should already be coach hunting
32. Jacksonville (0-8) — The English don't want them, either


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