Give Me The RAW Book

Odd that I haven't had a wrestling-related post yet in this thing. Well, that's about to change. Sort of.

I've been playing Extreme Warfare Revenge 4.0 recently. And I've been using the WWE, which I've never done in an EWR game because there's no challenge. You've got $40 million to start and it's just too damn easy. I usually play regional or cult-level feds, sign a bunch of unemployed guys I've heard of along with some cheap WWE castoffs (It never fails - the game drops a nuke on the WWE at the beginning of the game, and they cut about half the roster within the first week) and go from there.

But I'm using WWE in one of my games, and I got a 100% match quality rating with Christian vs. Hurricane.

That doesn't happen.

The segment was a 90% overall. Good news, as Hurricane's taking the IC title from Christian at Survivor Series. (Booker T dropped it to him at Unforgiven and is now feuding with Chris Jericho, who's getting the World Heavyweight Title in a 3-way at SurSer whether Triple H likes it or not.)

I jobbed Scott Steiner for a few weeks ('cause he sucks and I hate him) before having him turn heel by costing Goldberg a title match with HHH, then joining Evolution, which has Batista back also. Orton and RVD are feuding sorta, and that'll escalate after SurSer (Evo vs. Goldberg/HBK/Nash/RVD, OLD SCHOOL~!) I turned Rock face and programmed him with Kane. Triple H also keeps asking me to program him with Goldust for some reason.

Oddly, my biggest problems are on Smackdown. Benoit's, Angle's, and Brock's morale have plummeted since I jobbed Brock & Benoit to Benjamin & Haas by having Angle turn on Brock. I've brought back Heyman and reformed that whole group (they're Team Angle and everything again), Brock won the belt back at No Mercy, but we're talking single-digit morale for all three of them. And Brock and Benoit's contracts are up. I may be screwed.

I got Heat cancelled after six weeks of auto-booking because Michael Hayes's shows were too risque. So I've remade Velocity into the final incarnation of WCW Saturday Night, with nobody at ringside and matches from both brands on the same show. Just at different arenas. But I'm getting ratings (both TV and show quality) for Raw that would make Vince wet. GIVE ME THE BOOK.

You can get the game from its new home at .400 Studios.

Not So Good

Yeah, that other design... didn't like it. So I changed back after trying a few different things that Failed Miserably.

Quick shots: The Steelers did, in fact, go with Zereoue over Bettis, so the Seagulls are looking for another running back. I have someone in mind to pick up off waivers, but if you think I'm gonna tip my hand, you're nuts. One of the guys at work remarked that it seemed a little early to be holding a fantasy draft. These past couple of weks have shown why it wasn't.

Lost the McNabb jersey auction. But I'll survive. Unlike SOME people.

With WWE's SummerSlam in the books, Chris Gates has quite the low-key rant on Triple H's dominance. I say "low-key" because it's been going on for a year and I'm a little surprised he isn't more outraged than he is.

This site kicks your ass:

Holding Out (PG)
(Office Politics/Revenge Fantasy/Societal Satire)
Starring David Duchovny and Jennifer Aniston
Also Featuring Patrick Dempsey, William H. Macy, Drew Barrymore, and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
Directed by Steven Soderbergh
Screenplay by Jeff Nathanson
Projected Budget Range: $60-69 Million
Planned Release Date: November
Projected Box Office Receipts:
$15.71 million (Opening Weekend)
$78.95 million (Total Domestic Gross)
Chance of getting Oscar Nomination: 9%
Chance of winning at least one Oscar: 4%
Critic Most Likely to Praise: John Anderson, Newsday
Critic Most Likely to Skewer: The CAP Ministry, CAP Alert

Three Reasons For Me To Be A Butch Rosser Clone:
1. Youth
2. He has better weather than I do
3. Can write wrestling matches

Five Reasons For Me NOT To Be A Butch Rosser Clone:
1. His odd, uncontrollable facial hair
2. I make more money than he does
3. Am licensed to drive
4. Can decorate walls of home with something other than framed restraining orders
5. No risk of violating 4

I kid, of course.

And I Even Remembered My Doggie Bag

Yesterday I had to get up early for the third time this week, as my parents were coming down, and I had stuff to do.

Got up, drove to the post office to get an insured package that had been dropped off Friday and to mail out a book I'd sold on Ebay. Went across the street to the auto parts store and got some touch-up paint to fix the scratch I got when I was fucking keyed in Philly last month. Came back and painted over the scratch, then vacuumed the living room. Turned on Phillies-Cardinals and found out Bobby Bonds died. :(

Putted around and Drano'd the bathroom sink until my parents arrived at 4:30. Mom sat down to watch the game while Dad and I went out to the truck and brought in the headboard. He was proud of himself for picking a wood style and color that matched my nightstand. We set it up, but it's a shaky situation because the holes weren't drilled properly, and I shouldn't move the bed too much because the headboard might break off. I also need to buy a wrench. We talked some more as we watched the Phillies' comeback attempt fail. I mentioned the egg dilemma from a few days ago to Mom. "I don't think I've used a dozen eggs all year!" Showed them the MP3 player and opened my birthday cards.

By 6, we were off. I drove my car (a surreal experience in itself just because I'm driving my parents around) since I knew where we were going and you can't really fit all three of us comfotably in the truck. We went to W.L. Goodfellows, which I'd scouted beforehand using the phone book and the fine resources of my place of employment. Lot of different styles - steaks, seafood (to be expected, 8 miles from the ocean and all that), Italian... well, you can read the menu yourself.

Aside: It now occurs to me that I have a lot to say to Michelle when I write her back, and that I should do that within the next couple of days.

I pretty much knew what I wanted (having scouted ahead) and got the mozzarella planks (big and flat, unlike sticks) and the baby back ribs. Dad got a big-ass crabcake. Mom got fried lobster tail with the biggest baked potato I think I've ever seen. This led to a story about the giant baked potato my Uncle Barry got at a restaurant some 30 years ago during the same meal where my late Uncle Jerry ordered "a bottle of Cold Duck for the ladies." Butch and/or Ska will probably understand why that's funny. Mom didn't have any because I was there. Sort of.

The story makes me realize again that, especially among my online friends, I seem to have a great relationship with my parents and almost always have. I never openly rebelled, and we always have a good time just sitting and talking together, especially during a meal like this or Thanksgiving or Christmas. And despite what I said yesterday about how liberating my new independence has been, that relationship is something I don't think I appreciate enough.

I always consider the coleslaw heavily when I'm rating a restaurant, and Goodfellow's was too creamy for my taste, but still Perfectly Acceptable. We all liked the place; I'd go back. We passed on dessert and coffee - I didn't even finish my ribs. The last thing our waitress said was to me: "And don't forget to take your ribs home." We had a good laugh at that. Dad: "Does she know this family?" We're horrible with doggie bags. I remember one time we went out, we all got doggie bags, and we ALL left them at the table. I immediately handed mine off, since I had to drive.

We got home, they gave me an Entenmann's cake they bought, and left soon after with the candles, since there weren't enough in the box (24) and you can't divide or anything because 29's a prime number. I hung around here for the rest of the night, watched MXC (the one voiceover guy sounds kinda like Kilborn) and Velocity (which I never get to see because I always work Saturdays) and Iron Chef. And now, after sitting with this window open for four hours before really focusing on writing this, I'm going to bed.

Oooh! Shiny!

Changed templates. But you can see that.

I'm tired, yet I can't sleep.

More later today.

29

Lyrics: Gin Blossoms - "29"
Album: New Miserable Experience

Time won't stand by forever
If I know it's true
and I've learned not to say never
else I'll seem the fool
Twenty-nine, you'd think I'd know better
livin' like a kid
Cause when my lies may seem less than clever
it's when I fall for it

So my 29th birthday has come and gone.

Didn't do anything, really. Got my present already, and the parents are coming down Saturday to go out to dinner. I'll also finally be getting a headboard for my bed.

But my inactivity gave me time to reflect on 28. And 28 was a huge year.

It was the year I finally left the nest for good. The apprehension and nervousness surrounding my move nearly 11 months ago was replaced soon after by that euphoric feeling of independence, which was replaced even sooner after that by the heavy burden of total responsibility. These may eventually turn into the same thing; we'll have to see. I stumbled, I kept my feet, I moved on.

I learned that some things never change. And some things are meant to always change.

I've learned when to duck and when to take the punch. I'm making progress on knowing when to swing back.

I've gained a little better idea now of what I'd want in a relationship by focusing on what I don't want. I wondered if this was the best way to go about it. I also wondered if the things I don't want were holding me back. I concluded that the shyness I still haven't gotten over is holding me back more than anything else.

There's no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted out hinges
Take 'em for a ride

Even so, I can still think of the possibilities. I can dive into my ever-increasing responsibilities at work, become a better communicator, learn to run things. Get better, figure out just where I want to go with this.

I need to meet people. More people, that is. In real life. It's difficult, with my personality and work hours, but it'd be a big help.

I think of what awaits me in Action! and WCWF. I was rapping with Tyler the other night, giving him some of my ideas for our Sabotage vs. LoD2K3 feud, and I loved that he was so receptive - it shows not only that I can be constructively inspired by random thoughts at 3 a.m., but that they're GOOD random thoughts that could potentially tell a good story.

Only time will tell
If wishing wells
Will bring us anything
Fade like scenes
From childhood dreams
Forgotten memories

Those of you who may be Gin Blossoms aficionados see that I skipped a stanza: Some rides don't have much of a finish / That's the ride I took / Through good and bad and straight through indifferent / Without a second look

It's because I don't know what ride I'm on yet. But I know I'm on one.

The goal for each year is (should be?) to be a little better than the last.

NP: Miles Davis - "All Blues"

And if you don't know Miles, then I don't know you.

This Is Basic Shopanomics

So I'm officially 29 in a few hours. Egads. My birthday present's already here - got an MP3 player off Ebay for $50.

Went grocery shopping today. It occurred to me that, not only do single guys shop for groceries like no other humans, but I don't think anyone shops quite like I do. For those who don't know, I work weird hours. Really weird hours. I always have, pretty much. What this means for me is that five days a week, I eat exactly one meal at home, usually lunch or a pre-work meal. On my days off I'll have lunch and dinner, as I can't wake up for breakfast unless I absolutely have to because I have somewhere to go or whatever.

I noticed (because I'm a sad pathetic man who has time to notice these things) that there are things I always do at the supermarket, things I always get, patterns I always follow. And since my entire audience here consists of single males who either live on their own or should (except Gates, who's married and, more importantly, in the military, so he gets all of his meals in aluminum bags with the instructions "Heat. If you want. And we don't care how you do it.") I figured, as an elder statesman of sorts, (though I'm not Doom old. Jebus) I'd use a lot of parentheticals in this paragraph. As well as drop some shopping knowledge.

- If the market's got a free Bonus Card or the like, get it; it's good value. If it costs a few bucks, get it; it'll pay for itself. If the price is self-castration... well, that's not quite worth it. Especially if you're cooking for a woman. What happens if she's impressed?
- Rice. Very cheap, easy to cook, goes with everything. I cook minute rice in chicken broth instead of water to give it some flavor.
- I buy smaller chicken breasts and pork chops; you get more for the money and can just freeze them, so you're not going back and buying every week.
- You won't find too many frozen dinners in my freezer, and no, it's not because I keep them under the sink. (I don't.) I only use them when I'm in a pinch or if it's something I can't make myself.
- Vegetables. Canned (beans, peas, corn) or frozen (anything with leaves) unless you're cooking right out of the bag. Cheaper and saves space.
- The only thing on my list I didn't get today is eggs. It's hard to find a half-dozen eggs. Not only do I not need a dozen eggs ever, I don't need six eggs right now.

Early night tonight; gotta get up tomorrow and take my car to get detailed.

DON'T DRIVE ANGRY

My goal with this post is to get those damn dog bed ads off the page...
-----
Damn.

ESPN.com is your hookup:

Spencer allegedly punched Busch

BROOKLYN, Mich. -- NASCAR driver Jimmy Spencer could face assault charges after allegedly attacking fellow competitor Kurt Busch following Sunday's GFS Marketplace 400.

As the drivers came into the garage area at Michigan International Speedway following the checkered flag, Spencer drove into the rear of Busch's car and spun it around.

Witnesses said Spencer then got out of his car, raced up to Busch's car and punched Busch several times in the face. Sheriff's deputies pulled Spencer away and took him to the NASCAR hauler.

The witnesses said Busch, who finished 18th after running out of gas while running second one lap from the end, was holding a bloody towel to his face when he entered the track medical facility.

Jeff Patterson, spokesman for the Lenawee County Sheriff's Dept., confirmed to The Associated Press that his department was investigating an assault charge against Spencer, who finished 26th.

Both drivers left the track without comment. Busch, the left side of his face looking puffy, drove away in his own car. Spencer, smoking a fat cigar and looking straight ahead, was driven away by his wife, Pat.

This is the latest episode in a feud that was sparked when Busch bumped past Spencer in March 2002 at Bristol Motor Speedway to get his first Winston Cup victory.

There have been several on-track incidents since.

One came last August in the Brickyard 400 at Indianapolis. After Spencer hit Busch from behind, knocking him into the wall, Busch gestured at Spencer as he drove by and later called Spencer a "decrepit old has-been."

Spencer replied: "I think Kurt has a lot to learn, and some of that is to control his mouth."

Despite the on-track incidents and harsh words, though, there have been no previous physical confrontations.

On Sunday, their cars appeared to bump several times when Busch passed Spencer late in the race.

"They were right in front of me and they rubbed a little bit. They haven't been friends for quite a while," race winner Ryan Newman said.

"NASCAR spoke with both drivers about the incident that occurred today. If we should take any actions, we'll announce it at an appropriate time," NASCAR spokesman Mike Zizzo said. "They spoke with NASCAR inside (the hauler) and (NASCAR officials) are going over the incident right now."

Jack Roush, who owns Busch's car, said, "Kurt says that his car ran out of gas and stopped running ... Jimmy then ran into him and came up and punched him through the window. There were words exchanged. I don't know what was said. We're going to let the authorities handle it.

Roush said the local sheriff's department was taking statements from the drivers since the incident occurred after the race.

"Of course, it's primarily in (NASCAR president) Mike Helton's hands to decide what he needs to do with Jimmy after these repeated assaults that he's had, either on the racetrack or the rest of it," Roush said. "Jimmy has had a history of being overly aggressive. NASCAR has taken a position on what he should do and what he should not do."

Jeff Miles, the transport driver for Spencer, said, "I know he tried to put Jimmy in the fence on the straightaway."

Robby Gordon, another Winston Cup driver, offered to pay Spencer's fine and said Busch "had it coming for a while."

And Of Course, If You're Not Down With That...

...I got TWO WOOOOOORDS to describe the USFLaPa's New Jersey Seagulls:

Mixed Bag.

The turnout for this year's Thread aPa Yahoo fantasy football league was so big, we had to split it into two 14-team leagues. I'm in the USFLaPa, along with Chaz, Butch, and Rob, who I'm sure will have their own updates if they don't already. The draft was last night (Saturday), and I couldn't participate because I was at work. I was hoping my pre-rankings were set up so that I wouldn't get completely hosed.

Let's find out.

Serpentine draft order, so I picked fifth in the odd-numbered rounds and ninth in the even rounds. Butch was sixth/eighth, which will be noted whe appropriate.

1/5: Marshall Faulk, RB. At 5, I knew I wasn't getting Michael Vick or Ricky Williams, and Faulk's probably the best pass-catching back in the league. If Mike Martz smartens up and decides to GIVE HIM THE BALL this year, I'll be golden. 11 RBs went in the first round (Vick, Harrison, McNabb.)

2/24: Rich Gannon, QB. Sure, he's old. Sure, he's a Raider. But he's never been better than he's been the last few years.

3/33: Hines Ward, WR. Kick-ass. May also be helpful on two-point plays. Butch took teammate Plaxico Burress with the next pick.

4/52: Jerry Rice, WR. OH YOU DAMN RIGHT. *dances* Daily Double with Gannon=good times. Could play 'til he's 50.

5/61: Isaac Bruce, WR. What the HELL. Some questionable RBs went before Bruce, who'd be a No. 3 if this were an actual team.

6/80: Shannon Sharpe, TE. Here's where things started going south. The run on defenses started just before this point (six in the round), and this pick got sandwiched between the Eagles' and Dolphins' Ds, making it look even more out of place. Plus, he's on the downside.

7/89: Jerome Bettis, RB. The Steelers have been actively trying to push him out of the starting lineup.

8/108: David Akers, K. This started the run on kickers. I got the guy I wanted. The BEST guy. And I'm not even biased.

9/117: New Orleans DEF. Three rounds AFTER the run on defenses. I wouldn't have made this pick if you'd put a gun to my head. Butch took Randle El after this. He's probably still doing a jig.

10/136: Chris Chambers, WR. Should start for the Fish, and will hopefully become their lead receiver. Possible trade bait.

11/145: Javon Walker, WR. What's with all the wideouts? But he returns kickoffs and may crack the Pack's starting lineup ahead of Ferguson.

12/164: Jake Plummer, QB. FINALLY I get a backup. Jeez. The biggest question mark of the entire real season, IMO.

13/173: Freddie Jones, TE. He's probably the Cardinals' best remaining receiver. I've always liked this guy. We'll see.

14/192: Jeff Chandler, K. The worst kicker in the league not named Kris Brown. GAH.

15/201: James Mungro, RB. Who?

So that's that. I couldn't have made a better first five picks had I actually been there. The scoring rules favor touchdowns, and I'll get touchdowns from that group. Rob's probably wishing death 'pon me for getting Gannon AND Rice in the backwards rounds. If anything happens to Faulk, I'm screwed for RBs - I'll need to upgrade there. My defense is ass.

So, yeah... mixed bag.

Snap!

I broke my wallet yesterday. Really.

I was paying for my lunch of Chinese food and was zipping it closed, and it got stuck on the corner of the change pocket. I pushed the corner down and pulled, and the zipper popped off. CLEANLY off. Both parts, the pull and the zipper itself. Didn't tear the material or anything. If I wasn't just out a wallet, I'd have been impressed by that.

So now I've got this wallet full of coins, singles, and MAC machine receipts that I can't close. Fortunately, I remember that I've got another one back at the apartment. The problem now is finding it. Tore the bedroom apart until remembering that I'd stashed it in one of the shelves on my computer desk for some reason *shrug*. Turns out I had two - no doubt give-backs from my dad from the pile of wallets he had when I bought him one for Christmas every year because it was something I knew I could always afford and it always seemed like he needed a new one.

So now I've got two wallets to pick from. And since I'm not a fan of tri-folds because there's nowhere to stash loose change, I grab the Dockers wallet. In a mild surprise, the card/photo holders do NOT have pictures of complete strangers already in them. I guess they realized it was costing them money. If we're lucky, the picture frame industry will follow suit. Who doesn't know what a framed picture looks like? And I shouldn't have to pay more then three dollars for one unless it's made out of SOLID GOLD. OK, I'm digressing. I dump EVERYTHING out - cash, coins, spare keys, MAC slips, emergency condoms (Yes, I know you're not supposed to keep them in your wallet. But it's not like they're gonna get used. That, however, is another post for another time) and sort through it. I see it's time to start saving spare change again. I toss the old MAC slips, stash the condoms somewhere, grab the wallet, and go.

I'm 29 in eight days. What the hell.

Until next time, DO NOT COVER THE POT.

I've got a fever...

...and the only solution is... MORE FOOTBALL!

Yep, football's arrived (sort of) and I am most definitely down. It's always amazing to see stadiums filled near-capacity for preseason games. PRESEASON games! And people hang around until the end of these, too, for the fourth-stringers. I guess there's just a fascination with watching guys play football who'll be fixing their roofs a month from now.

But still, it's FOOTBALL. And it was a good thing to see the Eagles do what they did last night. Yeah, I know, the first preseason game's utterly meaningless, but some of the younger guys seem to have "gotten" it. Freddie Mitchell especially - it looks like the light's gone on and he may finally start to show why he was a first-round pick. I am also a fan of anything that's returned, though it was disappointing to see that apparently no one knows how to tackle anymore.

Also, the Cowboys stunk up the joint in their game, so I'd be happy regardless.

(S)pots

So Wednesday night, it happened again. I had to park across the street in the townhouses. I go out there Thursday and there's a note on my windshield - I'll be towed if I park there again.

Fine. I don't like your stupid little parking lot anyway. *sniffs and storms off in a huff*

A few weeks ago I bought one of those new pasta cookers with the lid that locks on, and I gave it a spin Thursday night for spaghetti. I like it, even though the lid doesn't quite LOCK. But I can deal. I love the instructions. "1. Bring water to a boil. Do not cover the pot. 3. Add the pasta gradually so the water continues to boil. DO NOT COVER THE POT."

I WILL look at you like that, thank you very much. Carolina? What? WHAT? You're nuts. You're balls-out NUTS. Crack pipe. Down. NOW. Thanks for the linkage repair, though. I knew I kept you around for some reason.

This weekend: Hoooooly crap. It's all about the e-rasslin'. Got to get my first segments for Action! up, and I've got three RPs for the WCWF Match Beyond that need to get out of my head and into Word before I go to work Sunday.

Paid bills last night. Am poor again.

Until next time, for the love of God, DO NOT COVER THE POT.

That Monster's Gonna Give Me Nightmares

Butch: As long as young men dance, or as long as Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream lasts, Jew Cool will NEVER be forgotten.

Max: There's no shame in that. Trust me.

Then Rob was feeling left out, of all things:

Radical Rob T: So, would equal time for "Matt Spaulding The Football" work better for you? :-)
IdeaMan405: Let me think about it for a minute. No.
Radical Rob T: hehehe. I didn't even make a basketball joke in my link
Radical Rob T: "Famous Person #131 From New Jersey"
IdeaMan405: That's WHY I didn't mention you.
Radical Rob T: but I like press!
IdeaMan405: You should be HAPPY I didn't lump you in with those clownshoes

Johnny: Trust me, I WOULDN'T:

Radical Rob T: on another note, I'm severely tempted to mortally wound you for referring to me as "Robbie" in your link. :-D
IdeaMan405: Ooooh. I'm scaaaaaared. *does Scott Hall finger-wave*
Radical Rob T: ah, COME ON. Ya know, we're old friends, we had a long and memorable feud in the OWF, and I was even nice enough not to make basketball jokes! There's got to be laws in Jersey against this kind of thing. :-)
IdeaMan405: Hmm. I'll have to check.
Radical Rob T: I'm telling ya, I read that it's illegal to tie a alligator to a fire hydrant in Jersey.
Radical Rob T: With that kind of innovative lawmaking, there's got to be something covering my case.
IdeaMan405: It's POSSIBLE. :-)
Radical Rob T: heh. No worries, really. I have to hear it from Kristen every day anyway. (A side rant: women always start this shit. It was Angel who started calling me Roberto and what was I supposed to do, tell my girlfriend of Hispanic origin she couldn't call me by the Mexican name? And now all my Spanish friends call me that. And then Michelle started calling me Rob (instead of Robert) and that caught on. And now this. Cursed women.)
IdeaMan405: Damn them.
IdeaMan405: Damn their SOULS.
Radical Rob T: Oh, you laugh at me now. Wait till you get a girl
Radical Rob T: and she wants to call you something wacky
Radical Rob T: like Spaldy
Radical Rob T: or Mattie
Radical Rob T: then we'll see who's busting out the Stone Cold quotes.
IdeaMan405: Someone other than YOU. :-)

How's that for press, jerky? :)

So that's that. I hope.

I've been living on my own for almost a year now, and there's a lot to like. Mostly the independence; you can set your own hours, you don't have the answer to anybody, you can eat hot dogs whenever you damn well feel like it. Good times. In fact, I've only got one real complaint about where I'm living: sometimes there's absolutely NOWHERE to park.

Part of it's a product of my job: when I get home at 1 a.m. or so, there's not the scrambling for spots that you expect when you work normal hours like the humans. Everyone's pretty much in for the night. This isn't usually a problem, since I can park several places and not have to walk too far to my building (in the middle of the complex), but sometimes the entire lot will be full and I'll have to park around the corner. I've parked across the street in the REALLY nice townhouses. Last night I had to park all the way in front by the main road. Any further away and I'd have been in some cat's driveway.

Speaking of work, I'm actually off tonight as part of a switch. So I've got to remember:

a) NOT to go to work today, and
b) TO go to work tomorrow.

Back later.

Thanks... I Think...

So Butch and Chaz have both linked my blog in the space of 48 hours. Good for them. But Butch gave mine the tag "The Basketball Diaries" while Chaz called it "Like The Basketball."

Cute, guys. Really hilarious.

I guess I should explain. My last name?

Spaulding.

That's S-P-A-U-L-D-I-N-G.

COMPLETELY unrelated to the sporting goods company. Or, former sporting goods company, I should say.

As you can guess, I've been cursed with the obvious jokes since I first learned to recognize the spoken word. I've heard the joke approximately 56,291,784 times, give or take a few. In my younger, more hypersensitive days, I'd get annoyed and constantly correct people on the spelling of my name. As I got older, I'd question people as to how, if I was in any way connected to the company, I wasn't completely and disgustingly loaded. The worst part about it is probably that my usually witty self hasn't been able to come up with a comeback that doesn't completely suck. The best I've ever been able to do is, "Those S.O.B.'s have been spelling it wrong for years."

It probably wouldn't surprise you to know that my parents get the name misspelled on mail and semi-important documents all the time. I've found that it doesn't happen to me as much now that I'm living on my own (they tend to drop a 't' from Matthew more often, it seems), but it's always been a hangup, albeit a minor one these days. The joke's dead, people. DEAD. Deader than... uh... something that's very much dead.

So now you know. Get your shots in now, people. You only get one chance.

And for God's sake, make it a good one.

You! On The TV!

Thursday afternoon. I'm at home flipping channels when I come across "A Dating Story" on TLC. And since I get perverse pleasure out of watching people who aren't me ad-lib their way through potentially disastrous social situations, I sat back and watched. For those unfamiliar with the premise, two singles (sometimes with the help of a mutual friend) get set up on a blind date, usually doing something interesting that normal people wouldn't think of. Anyway, they introduce the players at the top of the show, and I'm kind of half-watching when they bring up the girl.

This girl looks familiar.

A few minutes in, and it dawns on me: I took a Poli Sci class in college with this woman. The hair's been cut, but the age is about right and I've never met anyone who looks quite like her.

Is this how it's gonna be from now on? Is reality television going to be the vehicle through which we are re-introduced to dimly familiar faces? And why stop at people you barely know? Why not that uncle you thought was still in prison? Or the kid who used to live down the street and was still eating paste in 10th grade? You'd hope your family and friends would let you in on it or at least tell you if they were going to do something like this. I can only imagine what would be more awkward: being set up for a blind date, or sitting next to someone as this show comes on and seeing either you or them on it.

As for the show, Jill and her date went indoor rock climbing, then had lunch at the coffee shop owned by the guy who set them up. At the end of the show you find out what happened after the first date. Turns out there was a second date, but that was it...

...which means she might still be single. *wrings hands maniacally*

All right, I'll put the pipe down now.

Bucs-Jets from Tokyo LIVE on ESPN2. Yes, RIGHT NOW. But I won't spoil it 'cause I'm going to bed.

Comment test

Well?

DIDDY UP PEACE DIDDY DIDDY UP PEACE

They should really just give him that back. Either that or give him "Horn Dog" by Overseer. It works on multiple levels.

Hi!

"Please allow me to introduce myself / I'm a man of wealth (HA!) and taste (double HA!) / I've been around for almost 29 years / Stole many a man's soul and faith" Wait, I've never stolen anything in my life. Scratch that shizazz.

Seriously. If you don't know me or are just here for the first time, I'm Matt, I'm a follower, and I'm also a terrible procrastinator. This seems to be the tren-DAY thing to do these days, and, as is my wont, I'm late to jump on board.

My plans for this space? I don't know yet. I'm not convinced my life's interesting enough to give you daily blow-by-blow accounts, so I may throw in some random rants and raves, or just think out loud if something's on my mind. Basically, whenever my brain needs to drain the lizard, this is where it'll go.

Let's see, what else to say... well, I live in New Jersey. I work as a sports copy editor at a newspaper. I'm a fan of most sports and most music, as well as the Professional Wrestling. I turn 29 this month (!) and am an only child of parents who have been married 31 years. And I'm sure I can better organize all of this later.

Get in and buckle your ass up.

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