Friday, December 31, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Plowing Shares

Reminder that the only reason you watch the Lions every year today is that they volunteered for it because nobody else wanted to do it.

Buck: "Dalton with no crowd noise to deal with." This a fumble? Refs confer and they rule that the Bears player was out of bounds when he recovered it. Swift with a one-handed catch on 3rd and 1. I like the Josh Reynolds pickup for the Lions, especially as a much-needed veteran presence at that position. Of course Equaminious St. Brown would have a brother named Amon-Ra. Touchdown Reynolds! Was that Artie Burns getting cooked again? Replay of the coin toss, where the referee mistakenly asks the Bears if they want the ball AFTER the Lions defer.


The aftermath of this was the kick hitting a Lions player's helmet, followed by a holding call that Buck and Aikman didn't see, and Dan Campbell accepting the penalty, putting the ball at the Bears' 16. That seems... strange, somehow. Lions drop an interception in the end zone. Field goal is good.


First down line is WAY off on this pass to Hockenson. Swift down injured and the Lions truly can't afford to lose him. Lions facing first and 30 after a false start, the third of three consecutive penalties. They were in field goal range! Aikman blames himself. Now it's 3rd and 32. "This drive has disintegrated." Lions run it for... some reason. (That reason being they don't have 3rd and 32 talent.) Dalton hits Mooney with a bomb for 52. Touchdown Graham!


Aikman: "For these two offenses, this is a shootout." Roquan Smith is also questionable to return for the Bears. Wait, the Gobbler's back? I'm concerned. Animated short chronicles the history of it. Oh, it's just a silver football trophy now. That's... easily the best one. Bears challenge an uncalled fumble. This one's easy. This time Oruwariye gets it in the end zone! That ball came out flat and he still had to jump to pick it off. Lions go three and out in less than 30 seconds. Bears hit from 43 to end the half. Big Sean AGAIN? He sucked last time! Dalton scramble is negated by offensive holding, which ultimately costs the Bears points as Santos can't hit from 53. Graphic of the last time the Lions won respective things. Aikman mentions "that last playoff win was against us" and Buck needles him over it. Lions are... doing something? Touchdown Hockenson! They get caught with 12 men on the field on the extra point because they're the Lions, but they hit it anyway. 42 years ago today was the first Summerall-Madden broadcast. Jamaal Williams breaks a big run. I think the Lions have lost all of that yardage with penalties. Buck: "It's not often you have two 3rd and 32's in the same game."


Dalton bails out of the pocket immediately and dives for a nine-yard gain. We're at the two-minute warning and the Lions never used their time outs? Shot of everyone in the booth, including Aikman's daughter Ali. Then the Lions call back-to-back time outs, which is against the rules and gives the Bears five yards.


Bears convert 3rd and 4 and now the Lions are screwed. No one down here knows that they're doing. This is bad comedy.


"Good snap, good hold, good kick, goodbye." Dalton gets the trophy. Man, that stadium cleared out IMMEDIATELY. (Bears 16, Lions 14)

Lamb was concussed on Sunday so he'll also be out. Why is Michael Buffer showing up at all these NFL games lately? Renfrow with a 22-yard punt return from his own 8. Carr finds Desean on the run and he tiptoes down the sideline for a touchdown. Zeke and Pollard splitting carries so far. Sean McKeon is what happens when you don't have Amari Cooper and CeeDee Lamb. Is Zuerlein washed? I feel like I ask that once a month. Anthony Brown's second pass interference call on this drive puts the Raiders at the 1. Easy touchdown for Jacobs. I'm not sure this Mariota play happens if Waller doesn't get injured earlier in the drive. Raiders end up kicking a short field goal. Then Zuerlein tries a 59-yarder. CLANG. No good off the upright. Direct snap to Pollard but he only gets three. Pollard catches a pass and... did he get in? It's called a touchdown. Let's see. Hmmm. Call REVERSED. Zeke takes it in on the next play. That'll flip some fantasy points. 17-13 Raiders at halftime. Clearly, Luke Combs wasn't getting paid by the hour. Wait, what? We got a full-on FRACAS after this punt. Whoa! No way these dudes don't get tossed. Yeah, they're gone. Mariota in and he takes it in for a touchdown. Has there been a bad Cowboys penalty on every Raiders scoring drive? Pollard takes the kickoff at the goal line. Someone stop him. Anyone? No? NOPE. TOUCHDOWN. They go for two but Zeke can't get across. Pass to Pollard comes up short. Field goal is good this time. Big play to Gallup down the sideline. Touchdown Schultz! Wait, hang on, there's a flag — and it's against the Cowboys. They can't pick up the first down and end up settling for three. Big play to Gallup down the sideline. Touchdown Schultz! And this time it'll count! Schultz also catches the two-point pass and we're tied at 30. DeSean loses his footing. That's probably a touchdown otherwise. Field goal is good with 1:57 left. Cowboys still have time, which I guess is why they haven't taken a single shot deep on this drive. Well, gotta start now. Zuerlein hits from 45 to tie it at 33. We're going to overtime.


That is curious, now that I think about it. Cowboys win the toss, but go three and out. Carr gets sacked. Carr overthrows Zay Jones... but they get Brown for DPI! That's his FOURTH ONE TODAY? Get him off the field. Raiders set up to kick a field goal. False start pushes them back five. Then the Cowboys jump offsides (called as "unabated to the quarterback" for some reason) and they get the five yards back. Then the same Cowboy jumps AGAIN, and it was 4th and 2, so it's a first down. (And Carlson hit the upright on that kick attempt.) The Raiders... keep the kicking unit out there? Romo doesn't love it. It's GOOD.




(Raiders 36, Cowboys 33, OT)

Bills looking resplendent in all-blue. Touchdown Knox. Coming back from break with some Preservation Hall Jazz Band? I like it. Brees has seen shows there!


Add Mark Ingram to the injured Saints offensive players list. Meanwhile, in the Egg Bowl:


Saints get an interception! TreDavious White now doubtful to return. Saints try a fake punt pass but there's nothing there. Touchdown pass to Knox gets called back, then the Saints intercept Allen again on the next play. That's legit a great catch by Kwon Alexander. Cam Jordan got his arm. That'll end the half. Singletary gets out of three tackles and gets 17. Touchdown Stefon Diggs, burning the Saints yet again.


I mean, they literally don't have anybody else. Meanwhile, Knox gets another touchdown and it's 24-0 Bills. Seimian loses the ball and there's a scramble for it. The Bills pick it up and score but that's an incomplete pass. Is this roughing the passer penalty the Saints' biggest play tonight? No, this completion to Jordan Humphrey is. Fourth quarter opens with a Saints touchdown. They go for two and don't get it because they're just cursed at this point. So Jess Pegula IS their daughter. They also gave a bunch of money to Penn State to build a hockey arena and upgrade the team from a club team to full varsity. Matt Brieda (!!!) scores on a screen pass. Jordan Poyer gets a pick and Trubisky comes in. They have turkey leg trophies this year! Emeril Lagasse provided the eatin' legs for Allen, Diggs and Knox. (Bills 31, Saints 6)

Signal Finder: PHI @ NYG, TB @ IND (end), LAC @ DEN, LAR @ GB

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Jets 21, Texans 14

The regular crew is at the stadium for a ceremony for Strahan. 21 of their last 26? Good Lord. A flea-flicker screen? It works, and the Giants get across midfield. Edwards brings Engram down just short of the first down. Jones sneaks it on fourth and short and just makes it. Are we sure about that? Golladay misses two chances to make a play (the ball hit him in the back of the head on the second one) and the Giants settle for three. Quez Watkins with primo footwork on a sideline catch on 3rd and 5. A bad throw gets intercepted, and a flag gets picked up. Note that this was after Schlereth says he saw Holmes hold Watkins and spin him around. First quarter ends.


Eagles bring everyone and Jones finds John Ross for 12 on third down. Gano MISSES from 51. We get a replay of the play that Kelce got hurt on. Barkley breaks a run to the outside. Holding penalty costs the Giants 10, then Barkley loses three more. Third down pass is broken up. Officials talk and determine that Maddox never had control of it before stepping out of bounds. Punt rolls to the 7. Hurts with a nice run that may come back. Yeah. JJAW with a third-down conversion. Hurts with back-to-back first down runs. Giants bite on the fake and Hurts gets nailed, but Scott has the ball and he breaks a tackle and scores. BUT another offensive holding call on Nate Herbig, who's replaced Kelce, nullifies it.


Reagor makes the catch at the 2. 13 seconds left. Eagles call their second time out. Pass to Ward is incomplete, and Hurts is stopped short on second down. Third down pass is picked off and the half ends. 3-0 Giants.


Also, why not run it? Giants take over on downs. Giants moving now. Engram can't make the catch but that's because Nelson interfered. Jones with a low throw... that's apparently caught? Touchdown Giants. That ball somehow never hit the ground. Yet another bad decision by Hurts results in his third interception. A double-covered Reagor 40 yards downfield in a 10-point game in the third quarter? How is that the move?


Seriously, the only thing this game is doing is confirming everyone's priors on the Giants. If they were any good, they'd be up 20 by now. Eagles get the running game working again. Scott with a tough run inside the 5. Scott with a touchdown to start the fourth. Hurts takes a sack he can't afford to take. It's more apparent today, but the Brandon Graham injury really exposed the Eagles' lack of depth at defensive end. They've gotten no pressure on Jones against an offensive line that shouldn't be as bad as it is. Incompletion on third down forces a field goal.


Scott fumbles and that's game. Jones smartly goes down on third down to make the Eagles use their last time out. The hell are the Giants doing? The clock isn't running.


Hurts throws a bomb to Reagor that he drops and Love almost intercepts again. Goedert, who hasn't been thrown to at all today, bobbles one on the sideline. Fourth down throw is incomplete. Where was Smith anywhere on that drive? This game sucked, and not just because of the outcome. (Giants 13, Eagles 7)

We join Bucs-Colts with 3:40 left and the Colts at the Tampa Bay 4. Taylor scores easily. Fournette with some big runs on this drive. Bucs run a sweep with Godwin and he lunges for the first down. Fournette breaks a tackle and scores his FOURTH touchdown today! Twenty seconds left. Rodgers takes the kickoff and finds a hole! He gets run out of bounds but it's a 71-yard runback. Pass to Doyle is incomplete. Hail Mary is picked off. (Buccaneers 38, Colts 31)

These cockroaches are on a W6 and back on top of the AFC. War. War never changes. (Patriots 36, Titans 13)

Derwin James sacks Bridgewater and the Chargers recover the fumble. Gumbel and Archuleta wonder if Bridgewater's arm was coming forward. Steratore comes on and says it does. I'm not sure; I think his arm's coming down and it's hard to tell. Crowd cheers and it sounds like it's getting overturned. It is. Bridgewater being looked at on the sideline as the cart comes out for another player. Gordon comes back in on the Broncos' next drive, and Drew Lock is in at quarterback. Lock throws Patrick out of the end zone. Javonte Williams with some burst and he'll score. 14-0 Broncos. James intercepts Lock. Herbert finds Ekeler over the middle for a touchdown. Hopkins misses the field goal. Justin Simmons almost intercepts Herbert. Herbert slides and Simmons goes for the ball but Herbert is ruled down. Surtain intercepts him in the end zone. Williams makes a big play off a screen pass for 42, then a roughing call adds 15 more. Bridgewater rolls out (!) and finds Eric Soward for a touchdown. Ekeler can't handle this pass and Surtain ends up with it. 70 yards later, this game's out of reach. OK, there's NO WAY this Cook catch is a touchdown. Oh my God, I think it IS. Herbert threw up a prayer into six people and that's the result? What? (Broncos 28, Chargers 13)

Aaron Jones, among others, back for the Packers. They are, however, on their fourth left tackle this year.


My GOD. You can hear the smirk on his face. That's a straight-up roasting. This throw to Adams is short, but Dillon picks up the fourth and short. Rodgers hits Cobb over the middle, then Adams again. Packers wait to decide to try a 56-yarder, then call time out. Then they decide to punt. The Packers traded for a punter? From the RAMS? OK, sure. Stafford is hit and fumbles and the Packers have it at the Rams 12. Adams loses the ball at the 2 but is correctly ruled down. Rodgers fakes the toss and scores on a bootleg. Rams go for it on 4th and short and don't get there. Crosby hits from 45. Stafford goes deep to Van Jefferson, who stays upright through a leg tackle and scores on a 79-yard play. Crosby with another make. The Packers have stuck with him for a long time through some rough stretches. Cobb muffs the punt and the Rams get it. Wide receiver pass by Kupp to Jefferson in the end zone, but he didn't get both feet inbounds. It would have been an amazing catch, as he had to turn around to make it. Rams end up kicking a field goal. Rodgers to Cobb for a touchdown and it's 20-10 Packers. Stafford to Henderson for a touchdown and these offenses are streaking right now. Replay of this Adams play looks like he did hang on to it. Call STANDS and it's a catch. Rams were offsides on the punt, giving the Packers a first down. 20-17 at halftime. Erin reports that Cobb's out with a groin injury. Rodgers to MVS for 27. Their new tight end, Peguna, makes a catch inside the 5. Rodgers dumps it to Dillon, who makes a cut and scores. Rams suddenly can't get a stop.


Lewis fumbles but the Packers recover it. Crosby field goal makes it 30-17. Rasul Douglas intercepts Stafford and that one's going to the house.


Aikman points out that he could jump that route because he had safety help. The Rams have had the ball for about a minute in this quarter. Douglas almost had a second pick as Beckham lost his footing. Big play by Beckham. Kupp with some great footwork to stay in the end zone. 36-25. Uncharacteristically bad punt by Hekker.


Stafford throws to Kupp, who insists on fighting for more yards instead of just going down. Then they run it on third down and now they've screwed this up completely. They even lost a yard! Field goal is good but it doesn't matter. They should have spiked it on third down after the Kupp catch, then kicked the field goal. Would have saved about 45 seconds. 42 on the Packers gets trucked on the onside kick. Glad he's OK. (Packers 36, Rams 28)

Tirico pulling double duty this weekend. Mayfield finds Landry down the field for a first down. They miss the field goal. Man, the Browns JUST got Jack Conklin back and he's down injured again. Peoples-Jones wants a flag and he gets one, as he should have. Freeman's found new life with the Ravens after bouncing around for a couple years. What is happening out there? Lamar finds Bateman under a collapsing pocket, but he doesn't get the first down. Tucker puts them on the board. Freeman makes a catch for eight yards, and Clowney walks off in clear discomfort. Browns' defense holds and Tucker makes it 6-0. Browns get a big play to Bryant (not Dez) down the sideline. Direct snap to Landry fools no one and he fumbles. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Then the Browns get it back two plays later on a tipped pass. Good catch by Denzel Ward to corral that. Field goal CLANGS off the upright and through. Mayfield drops back on the next drive and loses the ball! Ravens have it! That's a touchdown for any of the five dudes who got there if they could have scooped it up cleanly. This game has been SLOP. Then Lamar throws another interception. It's 6-3 Ravens at the half.


Mark Andrews with a wild one-handed catch while being dragged to the ground by his other arm. Flag comes out but it doesn't matter. TOUCHDOWN. Good God. Lamar scrambles away from the blitz, steps up, and finds Andrews, who had to come back to the ball. Then Myles Garrett shook his hand afterwards because what the hell else can you do? Njoku goes down to make a catch at the goal line. Did that hit the ground? This'll be close. It was called a touchdown. I think it hits the ground from the end zone cam replay. Call STANDS. Touchdown Browns. John Johnson jumps in front of Andrews and gets an interception! Wild shit tonight. Mayfield almost gives it right back.


Ravens grind out about six minutes of clock before Tucker makes it 16-10. They threw four interceptions and won. What a world.


(Ravens 16, Browns 10)

Steve Levy opens by saying this feels like an elimination game and he's probably right. All that and Washington ends up settling for a short field goal. Wilson finds Lockett down the sideline. Where was the defense? (A question WFT fans have been asking all season.) Wilson makes a perfect throw to Gerald Everett for a touchdown. Everett then leaps into the crowd only for a Washington fan to shove him out. Heinecke's arm gets hit on a pass but it somehow gets to Gibson anyway. Heinecke ducks under a tackle attempt. Wagner tips a high throw and Jamal Adams gets the interception off of it. Wilson to Lockett for 39. Alex Collins fumbles after a catch and Washington has it. Landon Collins just punched it out. (The flag was for offensive holding.)


Levy calls them "the Fighting Heineckes" right before a sack. McKissick gets a block on a screen and gets a touchdown. The extra point is BLOCKED! The Seahawks have it! He's got a convoy! That's two points for the SEAHAWKS and we're tied at 9! Rashim Green blocked it, picked it up, and took it all the way down. Riddick credits Seahawks special teams coach Larry Izzo, who was a beast as a special teams player.


Out of halftime, Lisa Salters reports that Joey Slye, Washington's kicker, may have pulled his hamstring running down the blocked PAT return. Washington muffs the punt but hangs on to the ball. Heinecke lofts one into the seats under pressure. McKissick runs for another touchdown. They go for two (because they don't have a placekicker) and Gibson gets there.


Wilson's lucky that pas to Lockett wasn't intercepted. Seahawks aren't doing much offensively. This is five straight three and outs. Gibson picks up 4th and 1 and goes down the sideline for 36. But a hold on Brandon Scherff, their only good offensive lineman, will force Washington to punt. Seahawks do nothing again. McKissick's been down for a while. Washington goes for it on 4th and 4 and Heinecke finds DeAndre Carter! That's probably it. They go for it on 4th and goal again, and Logan Thomas... makes the catch? The third ref in signals touchdown. Remember, their kicker's hurt. This'll obviously be reviewed. Call REVERSED. They say he didn't have full control. I didn't think the ball broke the plane, so here we go. Now the Seahawks have to go 97 yards when they've gotten one first down this half. Wilson gets sacked, which won't help matters. Nickles and dimes. TOUCHDOWN WILLIE SWAIN! Absolutely nobody was there in the middle of the field. This defense has been a disaster all season. This is somehow the Seahawks' first two-point try of the season. It's almost December! Pass is picked off in the end zone! Good Lord. Did they get the onside kick? They sure think so. They get penalized for an illegal formation! The penalty makes them rekick.


They try it again and of course it doesn't work. We just saw an era end. crosses off Seahawks (Washington 17, Seahawks 15)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Arizona (9-2) — Waiting on Murray and Hopkins
2. Green Bay (9-3) — Sticking it out
3. Tampa Bay (8-3) — Sometimes you need to catch a break
4. New England (8-4) — Defense powered
BOTTOM 4:
30. N.Y. Jets (3-8) — Doesn't mean much
30. Houston (2-9) — About what we expected, right?
31. Jacksonville (2-9) — Um, make that 15 straight losses to NFC teams
32. Detroit (0-10-1) — Can they pull one out?

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