Thursday, December 30, 2021

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Focus Forward

The Falcons' already not-good offense is now without Cordarrelle Patterson tonight. Michael McCorkle Jones. OK then. Hey, a Jonnu Smith sighting! Jones and Hunter Henry can't connect in the end zone and the Patriots have to kick a field goal. Damien Harris starting to heat up. He catches a pass but loses his footing two yards from the marker. Touchdown Agholor. Falcons drive ends unceremoniously with a sack and a missed field goal after an illegal formation penalty on the previous attempt. The Heidi Game was 50 years ago yesterday. Imagine explaining why that happened today. Nothing from Kyle Pitts so far tonight. Ryan sacked AGAIN. That's at least three. Pats tack on another field goal at halftime. They're bringing back Joe Millionaire? Even with this new twist (two guys, one's the millionaire, one's not) the reason it failed is because you can only do it once. A punter wearing No. 12? What is this? Highlight package of Falcons dances through the years. I feel like they look worse tonight than they did against the Eagles, a game I did not see. Two Falcons receivers almost collide on crossing routes, in case you're wondering what, specifically, we're dealing with here.


Super Bowl LI photo montage follows. Buck: "Sorry, Atlanta, they're making me do it." Jones throws a bad interception and A.J. Terrell returns it near midfield. Remember, it's only 13-0. Falcons give it to their fullback on 3rd and 1 from the Patriots' 15 and get stuffed. They go for it on 4th and 1 and... ALSO get stuffed. That was disastrous. The Chiefs aren't "red-hot", Joe. Falcons blitz and get to Jones on third down, saving them four points. 16-0 Falcons. J.C. Jackson gets an interception off a tipped wild throw. There's somehow only five minutes left and we're done here. There's a pick-six. I haven't been as wrong about a guy as I was about Josh Rosen in a long time. Felipe Franks is in the league? (Patriots 25, Falcons 0)

Signal Finder: NO @ PHI, CIN @ LV, DAL @ KC, AZ @ SEA (end)

It's legitimately rare for an NFL player to be too sick to play, but that's the case with Lamar Jackson today.


No relation to Brett, who you also don't remember. Also: Really, Bears? Really? (Ravens 16, Bears 13)

This was the one well-coached game the Eagles had last year. No Kamara for the Saints, which means they no longer have a functional offense. Siposs punt almost gets blocked. T.J. Edwards gets a pick! The newly-paid Goedert powers through a tackle and gets... to the 1? Schlereth thinks he actually landed on top of the defender and the ball broke the plane. Eagles get off a quick sneak, catching the Saints offside, and Hurts gets in. Sanders is back, and he's their best big-play threat, even more than Devonta Smith. Hurts with a keeper on an option read for 20.


Nice. Hurts rolls right and tries to get to the corner, but Demario Davis runs him out of bounds short of a score. Schlereth points out that he had the ball in his right hand the whole time, where switching it would have gotten it over the end line. Replay is... interesting. Eagles challenge. We come back from commercial and it's called a touchdown. Schlereth compliments Hurts on sliding the ball across his body, as actually switching it to his left hand could have made it easier for Davis to punch it out. 14-0. That's a good punt. Sanders fumbles and the Saints recover at the Eagles' 6. Maddox drills Ingram to force an incompletion but he's hurting afterwards. Touchdown pass is negated by offensive holding. Siemian tries again and Adam Trautman extends to make the catch for the touchdown. Big play to Smith to get into Saints territory. Marcus Williams comes across the field to knock a deep pass away from an open Sanders. They then throw short on third down for... some reason, and Elliott hits a 50-yarder. Singleton comes untouched on a blitz and Siemian barely gets the pass away. It seems like the Eagles have gotten better at figuring out their personnel. Howard with two bursts of runs. Goedert with an absolutely nutty catch for a first down. Touchdown is erased by two Eagles penalties. Williams pushes Smith out of bounds, preventing a completion at the 1. They settle for 3 and it's 20-7. Wait, that's not intentional grounding? That's another great and well-covered Saints punt. Sanders almost fumbles again. Mailata and Davenport get into a scrum. Slay with a pick-six! 27-7 Eagles. Who saw THIS coming? Howard is injured after landing on his head after a tackle. Smith takes a screen to the Saints' 8. Drive dies, but Elliott hits again making it 30-7. Ingram fumbles and the Eagles have it. Cox forced that fumble. He's past his prime but he can still be effective. Three more. Siemian with his best throw of the day, to Callaway for a touchdown. They go for two and you know how that goes. (They don't get it. For the ninth straight time.) The Eagles have slowed down offensively. Slay being evaluated for a head injury. Siemian takes off... and scores? It's the longest run of his career. Extra point MISSES, leaving it 33-19. Was Wil Lutz actually the most important Saint?


Hargrave gets hit with a roughing the passer call on third down. Trautman with a leaping catch for a first down and now he's hurt. Eagles finally get a stop and the Saints line up to kick. A fake is absolutely on the table here. They don't, though, and it's 33-22 with 7:14 left. JJAW LIVES!!! Stay inbounds, Miles. Saints use their last time out with 4:09 left. Hurts cuts back inside, gets the first down, turns up the speed, and scores! Eagles close with five divisional games and the Jets. A home win! Since the last one, last year, against... the Saints. (Eagles 40, Saints 29)


Like, no one covered Adams on that second score. Jefferson makes another guy miss. OK, what? That should have been an interception. The ball never hits the ground and Savage re-gathers is. That's a terrible decision. Vikings are just gonna wait this out? You know if you miss, you risk giving Rodgers the ball anyway in overtime, right? Here we go. OH MY GOD IT'S GOOD.

It's a Festivus MIRACLE. (Vikings 34, Packers 31)




Is anybody in the AFC good? (Colts 41, Bills 15; Texans 22, Titans 13)

Burrow on the move early and often after a Raiders field goal. McPherson from 54! That might have been good from 60. Mixon pushes through a leg tackle and reaches the pylon for a touchdown. Raiders run it on 3rd and 6 from midfield and Kenyan Drake slips on the logo. Raiders sit on two time outs at the end of the half and don't even get a chance for points. 10-6 Bengals at halftime. Raiders punt again on fourth and short. Burrow escapes a sack as the third quarter ends. Another field goal makes it 16-6. This kid's got a leg. He's hit from 54, 53, and now 51 today. Touchdown Raiders after a three-play drive that was all passes to tight ends. After a Burrow scramble, the Bengals challenge that the Raiders had 12 men on the field, and the officials decide they're right. (I couldn't tell from the actual replay if the 12th guy was off the field before the ball was snapped.) Burrow finds Chase in the back corner of the end zone! Extra point is missed but it's 22-13 with five minutes left. Carr is picked off by Eli Apple, who I still can't believe is still in the league. Josh Jacobs hits him after the play ends, drawing a flag. Mixon scores another touchdown and that should be it. Carr just straight fumbles and the Bengals fall on it. Evan Washburn: "Guys, we call that a ground ball in lacrosse." (Bengals 32, Raiders 13)


Dak misses Gallup for what would have been a big early gain. Chiefs run a sweep to Hill that gets 24. Mahomes scrambles inside the 10. The angle his head was at makes his helmet look like he was wearing a baseball cap backwards. Aikman calls Travis "Jason." TRAVIS lines up in the backfield in a modified wishbone, takes the direct snap, and runs it in himself! Extra point is no good. Cowboys lose yards on two plays then lose the ball on the third, as Frank Clark hits Dak and Chris Jones recovers the fumble. Chiefs turn it into three more points after a suboptimal sequence of their own. Ball fake by Pollard? OK THEN. Cowboys false start on 3rd and 5. Gallup wants a flag in the end zone but he won't get one. Field goal is good. Pringle brings the kickoff out of the end zone to the 35 after Buck wonders if he should have. Mahomes to Pringle for 47. Hardman to the 1. Touchdown Edwards-Helaire.


The Cowboys have lost two first downs because of penalties on this drive. And now they'll get one because of a Chiefs penalty. They fail to capitalize. The difference right now is that the Chiefs are hitting on their big plays and the Cowboys aren't. Dak gets sacked for the fourth time today and we're at the two-minute warning.


Then Jones and Clark chase him out of bounds. Weird sequence here: They flag the Chiefs' Fenton for taunting, then they go to the replay and ADD a face mask on the Cowboys, creating offsetting penalties. Notably, it was Fenton who's face mask was grabbed, which likely caused him to react the way he did in the first place.


Pereira's not sure the officials can do that. Parsons forces a fumble! Cowboys ball! Then Dak gets intercepted in the end zone! See what I said about big plays? Lamb now out for the Cowboys. Interception! That's on Mahomes. Even though Kelce couldn't handle the catch, Mahomes didn't make a good throw. Prescott can't connect with Gallup, who was interfered with. No flag. Field goal makes it 16-6.

Mahomes gets sacked again and Butker kicks a 53-yarder. Butker later misses from 51 and the Cowboys will get the ball at their own 41. Weird that Andy didn't go for it there. It was 4th and 2. Cowboys can't capitalize. Chiefs burn clock. They line up for another field goal but instead pooch-punt it. Dak is intercepted by Sneed! Jones tipped that pass to finish off a killer game for him. (Chiefs 19, Cowboys 9)


I've seen this before. First with Reid with the Eagles, and then again a couple of years later with Tom Coughlin and the Giants, which I think the Seahawks' situation is closer to. It's the end. Don't drag this out any longer. It should also be the end for GM John Schnieider, as the Seahawks' drafts have been abysmal the last five years or so. (Cardinals 23, Seahawks 13)

Ben overthrows Johnson twice in the end zone and the Steelers end up kicking a field goal. Chargers in a hurry-up? Al notes that the Steelers are without Watt, Haden AND Fitzpatrick. Ekeler with a clean touchdown for the Chargers. Graphic shows Ben is 1-7 in games on the west coast. Ben underthrows Claypool slightly or that would have been a touchdown. As it is, it's first and goal from the 5. Claypool can't outjump Asante Samuel, JUNIOR. (We're old.) Steelers going for it from the 2. NOPE. Herbert scrambles for a first down. Ekeler scores on a pass play. Roethlisberger to Johnson in the back of the end zone. Knee's down and that's a touchdown. Don't take a sack, Herbert! Good thing they have all three time outs. 45 seconds left. There's also a flag. Defensive holding! It's been 10 minutes in real time since this happened and the half somehow still isn't over. Pass to Ekeler is incomplete on 3rd and 4. Field goal is good. 17-10 at halftime. Steelers haven't figured out how to stop Ekeler yet. Some sick moves in space and he's got another receiving touchdown. The Steelers' other problem is they can't get third down stops at any distance. And Herbert scrambles for another one on 3rd and 5. Another Herbert run is wiped out by a holding penalty and the Steelers finally get a stop after that. Steelers block this punt! They'll get it at the 8! They go for it on third down and the pass gets knocked down at the line of scrimmage. Intercepted in the end zone! But there's a flag and it's on the Chargers. Harris cashes in. SO MUCH OPEN SPACE for Herbert! The Steelers' streak of holding opponents under 30 points is about to end. That's Ekeler's FOURTH touchdown tonight. I don't know when Diontae Johnson actually became the Steelers' No. 1 receiver but OK. Touchdown Ebron! Steelers get an interception off a tipped pass! Cameron Sutton paid for that with a late hit that wasn't called. Screen to Freiermuth for a touchdown! Somehow we're tied! The Chargers give it to Ekeler on fourth and short at their own 34 and he goes NOWHERE.



3:43 left. Now this is a stat: In their long history, the Steelers are 0-230 (!!!) when trailing by 17 or more in the fourth quarter. This would be the ultimate Chargering, wouldn't it? Pass interference flag is picked up because the pass was ruled uncatchable. The Steelers didn't take ANY time off the clock, by the way.


Field goal is good. TOUCHDOWN MIKE WILLIAMS! 53 YARDS. Bosa sacks Ben on 2nd and 18, bringing up 3rd and 29.


Fourth and 32 and... yeah. I'm amazed the Chargers won this game. (Chargers 41, Steelers 37)

This is the fifth year in a row these two teams have met, and the last two have been on MNF. Gronk's back, but Brady's first pass goes to O.J. Howard. Talk turns to Antonio Brown's alleged fake vaccination cards. Six different players have already touched the ball on this drive. Godwin breaks a tackle and that drive looked way too easy. Barkley's back for the Giants, too. Engram actually makes a catch for a first down. Murphy-Bunting gets called for an unnecessary DPI while Riddick notes that Toney had Winfield beat and Daniel Jones didn't see it. They've been the worst offense in the red zone this season, and that false start on 3rd and 9 won't help matters. Giants in their 80's helmets tonight, I just noticed. Jones throws it away on third down. Bill Parcells joins the Mannings and says the Giants either have to hit Brady right away (they haven't) or disrupt the receivers' entry into their routes.


Eli never misses an opportunity to get a dig in on his brother. Brady's started 8 for 8 after a pass to Fournette for 13. Imagine trying to come up with something Brady hasn't seen. An incompletion to start the second quarter. These guys just let Brady run for 12 yards on 3rd and 4. Giants can't get a stop. Peyton correctly predicts the Giants will drop eight into coverage on third down, and Brady has to throw it away. Field goal is good. Bucs rush three and get to Jones to force a punt. Evans can't handle the pass and the Giants pick it off! Peyton wonders if Johnson and Evans both thought the pass was intended for the other. Philadelphia native Kevin Hart arrives and immediately starts ripping the Giants. "Eli, Parcells said 'Once a Giant' and you said "Always a Giant.' You can never shake that?" This is quite the juxtaposition with the Giants scoring a touchdown on a tackle-eligible pass. Hart is livid.


Big play to Gronk! Brady drills one to Cameron Brate for another first down. Hart delivers a... not terrible breakdown of the trap pass? Ronald Jones turns the corner and scores. Evans breaks two tackles down the sideline. Godwin breaks several tackles and gets to the 1, but a penalty wipes it out. Oh, Tristan Wirts basically chokeslammed a dude. Yeah, that's against the rules. Bucs end up punting. The Giants try pitchy pitchy woo woo to end the half and fumble it. Jones finds Kyle Rudolph on a wheel route for their biggest actual play of the night. Jones to Toney for eight on 3rd and 9. Giants line up to go for it. NOPE. The Bucs rush him and it's incomplete. After a penalty, Brady hits Gronk and Godwin for big chunks. Then he throws it right to Evans for a touchdown. Griese: "What is the defensive back doing?"


Jones with a trademark terrible interception. These replay camera angles are awful tonight.



Steve McClendon's a 12-year vet and that was his first pick. Bucs get a field goal out of it.


Toney slips on a third down catch and goes back three yards, but will his forward progress give him the first down? It does NOT. Fourth and 2 and Jones dances around for a bit before finding Toney. (Why not just give it to Barkley?) Wait, Lavonte David's been around long enough to have been JUCO teammates with JPP? Devin White deflects a pass right to Clayton Edwards. Julian Edelman says he never considered coming out of retirement to join Brady and Gronk in Tampa. Blaine Gabbert's in? Yeah, we're done here. (Buccaneers 30, Giants 10)

RANKINGS:

TOP 4:

1. Arizona (9-2) — Colt McCoy is 3-0 (!) against Pete Carroll
2. Green Bay (8-3) — Law of averages and all that
3. Tennessee (8-3) — Wait, what?
4. Tampa Bay (7-3) — Oh no. OH NO

BOTTOM 4:

29. Houston (2-8) — I don't even notice when bad teams don't play
30. N.Y. Jets (2-8) — Same old Jets, sorry to say
31. Jacksonville (2-8) — Fourteen straight losses to NFC teams, as if things weren't bad enough
32. Detroit (0-9-1) — Hanging on just long enough to fall off

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