Tuesday, December 27, 2016

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Layers Upon Layers

Groovy. Yeah, it does seem rare that this game is important for the Lions. Aretha!


This is the longest National Anthem I’ve ever heard. That draw by Riddick looked like an option at first.



That’s a great-looking play fake. Stafford is cooking on this drive. How did Boldin catch THAT? And how was it not picked off? That was double coverage. Touchdown Boldin. That was hot. Bradford up, Vikings’ line reshuffled again, no Stefon Diggs. This is also going well. JINX. Nantz and Simms disagree on whether this is a fumble or not. Yeah, that’ll be an incomplete pass.



Call reversed. Then Bradford throws an interception! But it won’t count because of pass interference. I’m less sure about that one. Touchdown Vikings. The Blair Walsh era has mercifully ended in Minnesota, and Kai Forbath ties it at 7-all.
Stafford gets away with another throw into tight coverage, and Tate escapes for 19 yards. And then Nantz jinxes Stafford. STAFFORD RUNNING. Not sure that was the actual plan on third down. Lions swarmed the run there. Bowling tournament footage! Someone forgot to cover Tate. Not there, though, and the Lions have to settle for three. They can review this? And that ball was tipped. Vikings going for this? And not running it? NOPE. Lions take over and end up in a similar situation, but they’re closer. They run it and do not get it. Caldwell challenges the spot and Twitter seems to agree, but I didn’t. Never challenge spots. Call stands. Gotta go out of bounds on your own accord, Roberts. That’s incomplete and that’s halftime. Who is this kid?


Still better than Big Sean last year. But I was watching Temple try to beat a ranked Florida State in basketball so. The Vikings seem to have also been “affected” by that performance. Temple wins! Oh, it’s the new arena that now the Pistons will also be playing in. Barr with a free run at Stafford.


First and goal from the 25. Good job. Field goal is good and the Lions are now behind in the fourth quarter for the 11th time this year. This is their 11th game. It took four guys to sack Stafford there. He’s steaming because the Vikings jumped offsides and the refs didn’t give him a shot at a free play.

That’s a terrible play call. You have less than a foot to go and three time outs. Run the ball! Prater’s kick is good and we’re tied. INTERCEPTION! FUMBLE? They’re saying he’s down. He’s down. Lions ball. Good job, Sam. They’re kicking on second down? Oh, there’s four seconds left. It’s GOOD!!! Like I said, they had them right where they wanted them. (Lions 16, Vikings 13)

We deep-fried a turkey this year. Also had homemade dressing (can't really "stuff" a deep-fried bird) and this corn pie Mom's made a couple of times that is literally, "Yo, dawg, I heard you like corn. So I put some corn in your cornmeal, mixed it up with corn, and put even more corn in it." I mean, it's the easiest thing in the world. I'm going into so much detail on this because we had the TV off for dinner and the first half of this game, and we were also on the other end of the house in the dining room we never use on any other day. The floor plan here isn't the greatest. Anyway, Eric Church was the halftime entertainment at JerryWorld. Apparently he sucked, too. Now it's 17-6 Cowboys midway through the third quarter and this is happening:



Vernon Davis's revitalization as a backup in Washington, of all places, is borderline miraculous. Touchdown Jordan Reed, who's apparently back in this game? OK. That's 40 yards in two plays for Elliott. Beasley again. It's like Terrence Williams has been cut. Prescott takes it in himself. TURN BACK AROUND YOU IDIOT. He almost got caught. That would have been hilarious. And yes, that was DeSean being a showboating jackass yet again, but you didn't really need me to tell you that. Donte Whitner's still in the league? Touchdown Elliott. Or not, as there was holding. Dez! Now touchdown Elliott. Cousins playing with nickels and only nickles and the Cowboys are letting it happen. They could probably pick up the pace a little needing two scores. Touchdown Reed. Exactly one play on that dirve went longer than 10 yards and it went 11.


Onside kick is not successful. Did someone throw a towel at Dez after the game ended? (Cowboys 31, Redskins 26)

Tirico again. Guess Al’s off all week. That’s Viniatieri’s brother next to him in uniform? Cool. Scott Tolzein time! That… did not go well.


Viniatieri misses. Did Brown see this ball before it got there? I mean, it doesn’t matter. 14-0 Steelers and this could get out of hand fast. FAKE PUNT ALERT! Well done. Why is McAfee duck walking? Touchdown! (Because he’s nuts, that’s why.) The Colts might want to consider doubling Brown or something. Also, nice job by him dragging that second foot. I remember Tolzein’s starts with the Packers and Cris is right: He will throw it up there. They’re picking up this flag? Hmm. Illegal formation? On the defense? On a PUNT? (Dessert isn’t a side dish, Ben.) Ouch. Great catch by Hilton but a lot of people paid a price. Tolzein bootleg! NO! Gotta say, Tolzein hasn’t gotten the most help from his receivers on this drive. And they get stopped. I don’t mind going for it there because you’re going to need touchdowns. Liam McHugh at the desk tonight? Huh. Steelers didn’t see that run coming and Turbin got ‘em. Dwayne Allen’s having a surprisingly good game with the backup in (and Tolzein took a shot on that pass). Tolzein maybe shouldn’t run the ball. That’s the second time he’s been stuffed short of the goal line tonight and the second time he’s taken a hard hit.



They got the Steelers’ punter and that’s a flag. That’s probably Running Into. Mitchell with the interception. Tackle him! Tolzein finally brings him down. So Ladarius Green’s here, finally. Brown! That should do it. Tolzein takes another big hit. Every time he’s played, his teams have moved the ball; he’s just not quite good enough to finish things off. Agree with Cris: Might be best for the Colts to white-flag this one. (Steelers 28, Colts 7)

Signal Finder: CIN @ BAL, NYG @ CLE, SF @ MIA (end), NE @ NYJ (It’s like I’m back in college), CAR @ OAK (end)

Not the best tackling on that Kenneth Dixon catch-and-run. What a catch by Perriman. Touchdown Ravens. Devin Hester flashing. Look, he’s an old man. He’s not supposed to be what he used to be. Flacco’s cutting up the Bengals’ defense so far. Look at Burfict flopping like a soccer player (and getting away with it). So Tucker hits from 52 anyway. Eric Weddle just dropped a pick. That’s an interesting point that Hue thinks Dalton’s had to go back into reading his progressions without A.J. Green to rely on. Good coverage by Temple’s Tavon Young on Eifert, who’s a much larger man. Ravens hold Bengals to a field goal. Deflected pass gets intercepted by the Bengals. Dalton fumbles! Ravens recover. FLACCO RUNNING. MY GOD. Wait. Is Harbaugh about to win a spot challenge because the Bengals called a time out? He sure is. Because they wouldn't have looked at that otherwise. Jeremy Hill limping off badly. GAH. And they’ve already lost Gio for the year in the same game that Green got hurt in. That’s a good throw by Flacco to Wallace. Tucker from 57. *shrug* What are the Ravens doing? They let eight seconds run off before killing the clock. Tucker's hit from 52, 57, and 54 in the first half. He may be the best Texas Longhorn in the league. Hill back in to start the second half, which is good news. Dalton probably could have run that for some yards instead of throwing it away to nobody. Touchdown Eifert, but Nugent misses the extra point. Bengals on the move again. Not smart, Ravens. Nugent can still kick field goals, though. That was a shot block. Eifert converts fourth and 3 to keep the game alive. That’s another pass batted in the air. FUMBLE! Ravens ball! What… what the hell? The Ravens snapped the ball to punt, Koch just stood there, and nobody on the Bengals came after him. Flags are flying. Multiple offensive holding penalties, Koch takes an intentional safety, and the game is over. (Ravens 19, Bengals 14)

Dick Stockton and Matt Millen on the call? Is this 1998? McCown starting for a still-concussed Kessler… as Beckham jogs off? OK. Browns flea flicker does not work. They should have a version of that where Pryor’s the one who throws it. That doesn’t look like a fair catch signal to me, either. Now Beckham’s hurt again.



Scoreless after 1. So was Michigan-Ohio State. Browns fumble and that’s the first thing that’s actually happened in this game. Touchdown Giants! Good throw and catch by Eli and Dwayne Harris. Rainey fumbles the punt! Browns ball! Fourth and 1 and the Browns are going for it because they’re 0-11. They got it! Giants seal the vault on third and goal, forcing a field goal. Cruz with excellent ball control on a well-placed pass, then Beckham speeds past everyone for the touchdown. Reminder that the Browns drafted Justin Gilbert over him. Not the best last two plays for Eli Apple -- pass interference, then losing an interception because he was out of bounds. Millen correctly noting that Coleman has to learn to give his quarterback somewhere to put the ball. Browns recover and are driving. Giants may have gotten away with a hold on Pryor. Field goal is good and it’s 14-6 Giants at the half. There was no reason for Duke Johnson to field that punt. Pryor! He's become a legitimately good receiver. Someone got McCown’s arm, and JPP got the ball, and the Giants got a touchdown. Nice little Giants-Browns history lesson. Here’s another history lesson: the Browns should have drafted Beckham. Millen said “Lions” and every Lions fan just fainted. (Giants 27, Browns 13)

This is a catch by Kerley. I don’t know what’s taking so long. And the call’s reversed. Incomplete but still two seconds left. Kaepernick threw that immediately, which was smart. Now he’s running for it… and will not make it. Have the Dolphins really won six in a row? (Dolphins 31, 49ers 24)

DON’T. CHALLENGE. SPOTS. What happened in Baltimore was an anomaly.


That’s twice Brady has missed Gronkowski already. The Jets have hit a couple of big plays already, first to Marshall to set up the field goal and this one to Enunwa for 40. Touchdown Marshall.



Gronk out of the game? Double pass? Hogan got good air on that and the Patriots get a call. Jets… hold? All right then. Fumble! Patriots get it back. Brady  just passed the 60,000 yard mark. Then he drops the snap, picks it up and throws a touchdown to Malcolm Mitchell, their only black receiver, because the Patriots get every single break. Enunwa’s good. Like, legitimately good. BLOCKED FIELD GOAL. That’s a better play than the last Jet to wear No. 27 ever made. Gostkowski misses! CUT HIM. I think Bennett’s down but the ball went out of bounds anyway. And now they’re looking at him. Blount with a nice run. Gostkowski hits this one from 29. Pretty boring third quarter outside of all that. Nantz and Simms are at Panthers-Raiders and not here, which is genuinely surprising. Jets showing some vigor here. Wait, he's inbounds, right? They called him out, but he's in, I think. Jets challenge. Call REVERSED! Holy crap, Jets lead! Then they hold the Patriots to a field goal on the next drive. Could this happen? Intentional grounding? That's no good, Fitz. You needed to keep the ball here. Dion Lewis back? Brady always makes the play, doesn't he? White JUST made it. Man, Hogan took a shot. Mitchell! Touchdown! Because of course. Pats go for two and of course get it. Wait, they don't get it? Wow. And of course Fitzpatrick gets sacked and fumbles. Oh, Jets. Why are you, even. 



I mean, Blount shouldn't be juking anybody, but that was particularly sad. (Patriots 22, Jets 17)


Did Crabtree fall or was he pushed? Janikowski kicks his 200th home field goal. Panthers with tons of time. But it won’t do them any good if they only get two completions. Mack didn’t even actually get the sack there. He just bumped into Cam. (Raiders 35, Panthers 32)

FLEXING. I can’t figure out how Carrie can walk like that without destroying that dress. Houston with the sack of Siemian. With no Maclin tonight, Travis Kelce becomes the Chiefs’ go-to receiver. Cris: “The Chiefs must think there are three of [Von Miller] out there.” There is a difference between great defense and terrible offense, but it’s a fine line and not everyone can see it.



The Broncos need a right tackle.


Norwood muffs a punt and Collinsworth thinks this game might come down to something like that. Houston again! SAFETY. And then Tyreke Hill takes the free kick to the house! Someone got a piece of that extra point but he still made it. 9-0. Demaryius Thomas with that stretch. Careful, Siemian.

The Grey Cup got OneRepublic for halftime and it's the best halftime show of this weekend by far, even with the acoustics as bad as they are. I see the CFL’s overtime isn’t much better than college football’s. Touchdown Ottawa! Remember Henry Burris, from Temple a long, long time ago and played with the Bears briefly? He’s 41 and Ottawa’s starting quarterback.



One more chance for Caglary. Incomplete! Redblacks win! Yes, that’s their actual nickname. (Redblacks 39, Stampeders 33, OT)

Miller still doing everything for the Broncos. Siemian ran laps before finding someone named Jordan Taylor for a touchdown.


Hill! Jordan Norwood's having a rough night. First he misplays the one punt earlier that led to the safety, and now he muffs one to give the Chiefs the ball back.


Huge play from Siemian to Sanders, who’s better than Thomas at this point. Wait, what? Contact with the official? Oh, the line judge, I think that is, ran into Kubiak on the sideline. Good explanation by Collinsworth -- the entire white area of the sideline is the officials’ territory. Touchdown Sanders! Broncos back in front. The Chiefs need to get a stop on this third and 2. Touchdown Broncos. This Gaines kid has been lit up tonight. Flag? No flag. 6-202-2 against Gaines! Wow. He’s the Winston Justice of cornerbacks. Chiefs still have time. That’s a big penalty. Smith misfiring everywhere. Hill converts fourth and 10! Touch- NOT a touchdown? They’re not gonna get this off! They’re gonna look at it. Wow. I don’t know. TOUCHDOWN CHIEFS. Two-point conversion is GOOD. We. Are. Tied.



Broncos get the overtime kickoff. That was risky, Siemian. Good job by Booker grabbing that slightly high pass. Sack? Sack. McManus just makes it. Good jumping catch by Kelce. Smith just lobbed that one up there. Weird. Well, now they can try to tie. That’s good. 



Collinsworth wonders who the Raiders are rooting for and he decides, correctly, that it’s the clock. Two minutes left. The Chiefs need to force incompletions if they want a chance at getting the ball back, as the Broncos are at their 44, which isn’t close enough for McManus. And they try it anyway. Hooked it left. I… don’t think I would have done that. Chiefs quickly get into Broncos territory. Kelce get away and is down inside the 20. CLANG!…

…IT’S GOOD!!!!

Today I learned banks are open 24/7 in Denver.



(Chiefs 30, Broncos 27, OT)

And now we learn Brandon Brooks has been hospitalized. At this point, Rodgers may end up being the Packers’ leading rusher. That was quick and exactly what the Packers needed. No Mathews and no Agholor for the Eagles. This is the most effort Green-Beckham’s shown all season. Wentz sneak! Touchdown. Clay’s hurt again? Oops. Not a lot of defense being played so far on either side.



Adams caught that? Wow. Wentz still doesn’t have an incompletion. Hey, he can run, too. That may have been a penalty. Rodgers isn’t even blinking before he throws the ball.


The Eagles can’t get off the field. Hey, a third-down stop. Now the Packers are going to go for it on fourth down? Or ARE they? They’re not. That’s a sick punt and it’s down at the 1. Oooh, his foot’s on the line. But did he touch the ball when that happened? Call stands. Gruden’s not convinced. That’s a critical catch by Matthews. That’s not a play they need to run again. Wentz runs for another first down! Matthews still isn’t back. That could have gone better but also could have been worse. Sturgis good from 48. Wentz got plastered. Ertz got hit on the other end of that and no call. That throw got away from Wentz and the Packers get it. Rodgers just keeps making throws, man. Hard to say he’s the problem.



Good stop by Hicks. Field goal is good. What the hell is this? It’s like a tent but bigger.






Oh, this Joe Thomas is the son of the guy who played in a college game at 52. Roughing? I guess they called Cox for the clothesline. He’s mad, too. Nelson with the juggling catch. The Eagles are challenging this Cook catch for some reason. They won, but it’s their last one.



Adams is left uncovered somehow. Not a good series for Nolan Carroll. The announcers aren’t buying it. Touchdown John Kuhn’s replacement and that feels daggerish. Sproles gets loose on a screen but it’s coming back. Hey, the Eagles got a call finally. Sproles again. Nelson left uncovered on third down. Is this the same Packers drive? I think it actually is. Thanks, ESPN graphics department. That’s, what, six double-digit play drives by the Packers tonight? Shout out to the truck drivers. That’s where we are with this game, it seems. Now a Merrill Reese tribute. Him being the longest serving play-by-play man in the league tracks. Who’s replacing that dude? Well that’s just piling on. (Packers 27, Eagles 13)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Dallas (10-1): No vacations just yet
2. New England (9-2): Sometimes they’re not easy
3. Oakland (9-2): Man, the top three had to sweat this week
4. Seattle (7-3-1): What was THAT?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (2-9): Matt Barkley threw HOW many passes?
30. Jacksonville (2-9): Time for a new plan
31. San Francisco (1-10): Unlucky at the end
32. Cleveland (0-12): The Case Western Reserve Spartans did nothing wrong

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)