Thursday, December 8, 2016

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Intranational Incident

Fortunately, nothing here is on fire. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Jet sweep to Ginn? OK. So not a touchdown. How about this Saints defense making a goal-line stand? Never thought I’d see that. Then they spoil it by running into the kicker on the field goal attempt. The Panthers still can’t get into the end zone. This time the kick goes off without a hitch.


Field goal is good and we’re tied. Shouldn’t that be on the receiver for not being on the line? Not that it matters in the long run, but still. Good punt, rookie. Brees throws up a duck and Coleman picks it off. Very strange-looking pass there. Nice job by Cam to spot the defender coming in and swing outside. That’s a penalty. I'm glad more people are going up and over the pile at the goal line again. BLOCKED FIELD GOAL. TOUCHDOWN PANTHERS. Or not? No? Oh. Oh well. 52 did all he could. He’s not catching Ginn. That’s a touchdown.
If Olson doesn’t trip there, he’s off to the races. I am legit jealous of Cam’s hat game. Is it strange that I was waiting for a Dee Milliner reference after that? And then got it? That’s almost barely roughing the passer and Al and Cris bring up Cam’s valid complaint. Bradberry got turned around badly on that fourth down completion. I’m surprised the Saints appear to be kicking the field goal here. Let’s see if Payton reconsiders while they change ends. Nope. I was honestly half expecting a fake. Kick’s good and it’s 23-6. Three and out for Carolina. Big run by Hightower. Touchdown Saints and it’s suddenly 23-13. Heidi Game anniversary! And that’s why 60 Minutes always starts late. Not the best time for the Panthers to not sustain a drive. OHHH! Brandon Coleman couldn’t hang on to what would have been a big play.



Ever since Ryan Kalil left this game, the Panthers offense has done nothing. Another good punt. Where’d they find this dude? Oh, Kuechly’s down and this looks bad. Cart’s out. Bradberry just saved a touchdown, or at least delayed it. It’s delayed... until three plays later when Fleener scores. That’s a big-time throw and catch by Newton and Benjamin on the other end. It bought the Panthers time, if nothing else. 54 on the Saints is having a rough night. That’s the third terrible special teams penalty he's taken, I think.



Odd sequence here with the Saints going to the sideline twice. This isn’t gonna work. (Panthers 23, Saints 20)

Signal Finder: BAL @ DAL, CHI @ NYG, TEN @ IND (end), AZ @ MIN (end), PHI @ SEA

The Ravens closed Texas Stadium. Oh, that’s close. That’s a touchback. Aiken tried but he couldn’t keep that foot off the line. Prescott with some early misfires. Ravens putting together some good runs. Touchdown.
That’s a nice catch on the sideline by the 5-9 Steve Smith. That extension! Cowboys are challenging. And losing, apparently.
How didn’t the Ravens intercept that? Prescott has not been good so far. Wait, the Cowboys have never beaten the Ravens? I mean they’ve only played four times but still. CBS just ran a legit promo for Monday Night Football. I can’t remember ever seeing that before. That was Prescott’s best throw of the day and Butler pulls it in to pull the Cowboys out of first and 30. Then he threads a needle to Beasley in an corner for a touchdown and we’re tied. I swear Wallace thought he was inbounds. (He wasn’t.) This is 56 from Tucker? GOOD. Time for the Cowboys. Big catch by Bryant will set this up. Bailey ties it at 10. Elliott doing things. I think he was an actual hurdles champion in high school. Touchdown Bryant, who took a hit in the end zone after he caught it and had something to say about it afterwards. Best time to do so.
The Ravens have no answer for Dez. None. Flacco gets poked in the eye and it’s a face mask. Careful with that ball, Steve.



Aiken wants a penalty, and he should have gotten one -- Carr got away with two holds. Touchdown Ravens. Cowboys chewing clock. Bailey in to put this on ice. (Cowboys 27, Ravens 17)


Bears come out with three tight ends bunched. I thought they were linemen for a second. They’ve had to reshuffle their offensive line, too. That’s why Cutler has frustrated so much. That’s a great throw that he just doesn’t make on a regular basis. Barth… misses! Only 6-0. The Giants’ running back train continues to churn. Nice cutback by Perkins there. That third down pass to Beckham wasn’t even close to the sticks. Giants going for it here? Wow. Shepard! Jennings finishes it off for the touchdown. Gould misses the extra point? No wonder the Bears cut him. Announcers talking about Alshon Jeffrey’s suspension but don’t mention he was having his worst season before that. In a walk year, no less.
The Bears are having their way with the Giants’ defense right now, especially their front seven. Touchdown Langford and it’s 16-6. Should have taken a knee, Harris. Jennings finds a hole for 21 yards. Hey, a Beckham sighting. I think he only had the one catch in the first half. Touchdown Giants and we’re tied. Fox goes to a split screen for no real reason. Touchdown Shepherd! ANOTHER missed extra point? What’s going on down there? 81 caught that? Wow. Olivier Vernon has had enough.


That’s a good punt. 67 YARDS?! Ah geez. Leonard Floyd’s the Bears’ first-round pick this year and he’s getting carted off. That’s a key stop by the Bears there. Now they need Cutler to lead a comeback, which… sure. Then he throws into coverage, but it’s a good throw that Howard can’t bring in. Eli almost threw one of his trademark interceptions. Three minutes left and the Bears get the ball back with no time outs. That’s a big play. Wind’s picked up. Offensive holding because of course. Another big throw from Cutler, and keep in mind he’s throwing to practical nobodies. Not the best time to take a sack, and the Bears were lucky to recover the fumble. And then he throws a pick to Collins. (Giants 22, Bears 16)


Titans: 0-11 against Andrew Luck. Peyton was there? Cool. (Colts 24, Titans 17)




Weird to hear Aikman arguing against a roughing the passer call, especially when, as Peirera said, they’ve been calling that kind of hit for years. Palmer looking around but nobody’s open, and he gets sacked to end it. The Vikings needed this win badly. 23 hits. That can’t be healthy. Does no one want to shake Bradford’s hand? (Vikings 30, Cardinals 24)

Apparently it’s raining up there. Barwin runs down Wilson to force the punt.



Not the best opening sequence. Prosise just broke one off. 72 yards and the Seahawks hit first. Extra point BLOCKED. That’s Hauschka's fourth this season and the 10th missed PAT today. Slightly delayed Wagner blitz catches Wentz and the Eagles have to punt again. They’re X-raying Jason Peters’ arm, so the whole line is shuffled. Rookie quarterbacks will have their ups and downs. It’s the nature of the beast. Nantz pointing out the Eagles’ road-heavy schedule so far. Did Burton even catch that? Doesn’t matter as there are offsetting penalties. Smallwood converts. Simms just called Celek “Ertz.” Who’s the black guy in the Nationwide diner spot with Peyton? Quarterback sneak! THAT’S Ertz, Phil. The guy with the ball in the end zone. Nantz is right that that will never be ruled a catch, but if it was, it would be a catch and fumble. Wilson’s thrown up some ducks today. Thomas Rawls back. Simms called the illegal block penalty on Kearse “bad acting.” Wilson rolls left and finds Graham, who throws away Watkins like a chewed-up piece of gum and scores.
Ertz! This gonna stand? Nope. Illegal formation, which is probably why it worked so well. Simms just called it a “great” formation. Two big plays by the Seahawks and Lockett’s missed two touchdowns by five yards. Good job by the Eagles defense to hold the Seahawks to three there. Agholor drops what would have been a 25-yard gain and wastes a good throw by Wentz. As bad as he’s been, he can’t have any confidence left, and that doesn’t help, either.


Weird time for Barner to get his first carry, though Sproles is getting looked at on the sideline and Mathews may have hurt his knee. Why not spike it? Chancellor’s interception will put an end to that.
And not having Sproles hurt the Eagles on that punt, as Barner couldn’t track it. Then Wentz lofts up an interception. At least the pass went 50 yards. Now Cox is down. Eagles blitz and no one is left to cover Baldwin. Now BARWIN’s down. Wait, WHAT? Good Lord. Baldwin and Wilson hooked up on a touchdown pass, and note the order I wrote those names in. Wilson has as many receiving yards today as all of the Eagles’ receivers and I don’t think Jordan Matthews has had a pass thrown his way today. They were very lucky the refs gave them the ball back after that sack/fumble. And a good Seahawks return wipes out the advantage they gained. Now McKelvin’s going to the locker room.
Did Nantz call him “Jimmy” Goff?


I have no understanding of this Simms rant about playing back-to-back weeks on the west coast. I don’t even know why it was brought up because it doesn’t even apply here. Now Vaitai’s down. This game’s gonna end with a fleet of ambulances on the field at this rate. Good job on this drive, DGB. Seriously. Agholor catches the two-point conversion! How do you have pass interference on a running play?

This was… expected. (Seahawks 26, Eagles 15)

“Welcome home, Tom. Go easy on us, please.” “Nah.” (Patriots 30, 49ers 17)

Oh, Tirico’s calling this game? Sweet. Any idea why? I feel like that’s the first time in a while I’ve heard Aaron Rodgers actually say “Cal” in the intros. After 10 minutes of game time, Cousins making moves. Garcon, Garcon again, and then Desean for the touchdown. Oh, Al’s just off. OK then. Montgomery doing things on this drive. Good job by Rodgers to “reload” as Tirico put it and find him on the outside. It IS windy down there, apparently. Packers try a fourth and 7 because of the wind, but it’s incomplete, but there’s a flag against Washington that’ll keep the drive going. Yeah, why is Ziggy Hood a Redskin? The Packers pass on another field goal from 42 and Rodgers scrambled around before finally just running for it. Cook never thought that pass would come. Then holding wipes out a touchdown. Nelson! There were some violations on that play, most notable to Rodgers’ face. Now they’re reviewing it because Norman, who lost Nelson in the end zone, knocked the ball out of his hands. Tirico’s right in that that wouldn’t be a catch in the field of play. Call stands.


Collinsworth just broke down the receiver drawing the coverage away on that long Rodgers run. When he’s on, there’s nobody better. I think Rodgers thought the whistle blew or something. Wind is swirling but Crosby puts it through anyway. Mike Daniels is from Blackwood? Ah, he went to Highland. I was trying to figure out what the high school there was. It wasn’t until last week that I realized that there are two E’s in Rob Kelley’s last name. And he just bulled through the Packers for a touchdown. Washington's going for two here because of the wind, which is apparently Meadowlands-esque. No dice. There have been and will be plays available against this depleted Packers secondary. I’m with Cris. Geoff Bostic was only 245 pounds? As a CENTER? My God. “He’d be a wideout today.”
That ball’s live! Richard Rodgers prevents disaster. Jared Cook is fast. Crosby misses slightly left. Seems a strange time for “25 or 6 to 4” but you do you, SNF DJ. Crowder! Between him and Josh Doctson, it’s hard to figure both Jackson and Garcon are back next year. I didn’t realize Williams was suspended. Either that or I forgot. Packers ball and Cook strikes again. That’s a blown coverage or… something by the Redskins and Starks has never scored an easier touchdown in his life. GARCON! TOUCHDOWN. At least the Packers attempted defense there. They just failed. Cobb! Why does Rodgers dive instead of slide? Cook for the touchdown. Cousins with the quarterback sneak on fourth and short! He got that. Wow. Another Packers defender is hurt. CROWDER! Chris Thompson stoned the rusher and Crowder did the rest. Kelley finishes it off. CLANG. That’s 12. (There were eight in 2014.)



35-24. Adams did well to stay inbounds a little longer there. That’s at least the third forced fumble for Josh Norman and it’s Washington ball. Big run by Kelley, and he finishes it off two plays later. Another interception will seal it. The Packers are broken, possibly irretrievably. (Redskins 42, Packers 24)


VIVA MEXICO. I think the girl is one of the new Power Rangers in the movie. I’m… not sure Hopkins stepped out of bounds?





There’s gotta be a better way to do this stuff. Clowney leads the Texans in tackles? Good for him. Refs get Joseph for pass interference on Crabtree. Gruden says that touchdown play came from the Lions’ playbook, which is just a bizarre thing to contemplate, stealing from the Lions. Fumbled kickoff? Fumbled kickoff! The Raiders can’t quite cash in. Osweiler was lucky that wasn’t six more points for the Raiders.



Dude just dropped that pass. How does Khalil Mack end up at the University of Buffalo? That was an incompletion? OK. Yeah, Miller running may be the best way to go right now. Touchdown! Or not? Not. Out at the 1. Stop going backwards. Touchdown! Hey, it’s Braxton Miller. Nice. Oh, that’s right… David Carr was drafted by the TEXANS. So Derek is reclaiming his birthright and avenging his family name. The Raiders’ offensive line is suddenly struggling against the Texans after straight-up handling the Broncos two weeks ago. Bad decision, Osweiler. Raiders ball at midfield. McDonough notes that we’re at altitude, so a long field goal is more feasible here, but the Raiders go for it on fourth and 1 and Crabtree falls down. 10-10 at halftime. Whoa, Osweiler took a shot and his teammates appreciate it. The Texans seem rejuvenated after a slow start. Does DJ Hayden suck? I feel like he sucks. Miller gets that touchdown he didn’t get earlier. Is Murray hurt? Feels like we’ve seen a lot of Richard tonight. They’re gonna get Joseph for helmet-to-helmet contact, though Gruden has a point that he was going for the ball and has a right to. Oh, Crabtree. That would have been a great catch if he’d been able to hang on. Texans hold to three.
The Texans keep pulling out high picks at receiver.
Olawale? Who? Right. Tie game. That’s a good return.
Oh, there’s Murray with a big gain after a catch. Touchdown Cooper! Texans need to answer. That sack won’t help. O’Brien decided to punt on fourth and 5 from their 44 with about 3:10 left. Bomb to Cooper and that’ll do it.



Now Del Rio is faced with a fourth and 1 and Murray converts! THAT’LL do it. (Raiders 27, Texans 20)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Dallas (9-1): Strictly by the book
2. New England (8-2): Back on the rails
3. Oakland (8-2): Go south, young man
4. Seattle (7-2-1): I'm getting that feeling...

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (2-8): Another one slips away
30. Jacksonville (2-8): The latest victim of #LionsMagic
31. San Francisco (1-8): So did the front office piss off all the good players or what?
32. Cleveland (0-11): The Cleveland State Vikings did nothing wrong

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