Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, DAL @ NE, HOU @ BAL
It's Week 6 and this is pretty much it. How did we get here, exactly? OK, so because of the roughing the passer flag, none of that happened? Cool. That means I don't have to try to describe it. Coaches have to hate these fourth-and-short situations just inside the opponents' 40 because none of the options are ideal. You just have to hope you're right. Like that right there. Touchdown! Sure, let's get another one, why not? No? Yeah, he didn't make it. Let's try again. That's better. It's taken the Redskins an entire half to put together a drive. Donte Stallworth's still alive? These red-zone giveaways have been happening way too often. And yet it feels like each team should have about 10 more points than they do. Vick looked like he was trying to shake something out of his head after that hit, which concerns me. Here's Vince Young! Back to pass... oops. Everything about that looked bad. Kurt Coleman strikes again? Ladies and gentlemen... Rex Grossman. Me, on Facebook last week: "Eagles are 1-4. Giants just lost at home to Seattle. Cowboys can't be trusted. Did Rex Grossman know something the rest of the world didn't?" Yes. And that something is, he's still a bad quarterback. JOHN BECK LIVES. Well, at least he's not throwing it to the opposition. That's a step up at this point. This is the third decent drive the Redskins have had all game and Beck fumbled in the middle of it. And there's the four-wide quarterback draw that Shanahan's been running for 20 years. I don't think I've ever seen it not work. Not blowing this would be nice. Now the Redskins can't stop the run. Seal it up! caps pen, puts away (Eagles 20, Redskins 13)
Wait, the Bengals are 4-2? What the hell? (Bengals 27, Colts 17)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: I know it was 24-3. I know the line was 14 points, which equals about 32 in college. But how wasn't this worse? The Packers must have called off the dogs at halftime or something because considering the Rams' weaknesses (pass protection, awful secondary, no WRs) this could have easily gotten to 44. (Packers 24, Rams 3)
Apparently postgame handshakes are Serious Business in the Schwartz household. (49ers 25, Lions 19)
Whoa, Brady got intercepted? That doesn't happen. Man, we got defense all over the place here. Wait, what? They called roughing the passer on that? Look, I'm the last person to wax apoplectic about how quarterbacks are treated on the field these days, but we can close the Best Actor: Drama Emmy vote right now, because Tom Brady just locked it up. This is... closer than I was expecting. Awful sack for Romo to take there. The Cowboys really needed a touchdown there and they didn't get it. What the... Two Pats turnovers on consecutive drives? That doesn't happen either. The Cowboys really needed a touchdown there and they didn't get it. Why? Because he's still Tom Brady. And that's how he rolls. Look, I get why Garrett's getting killed for going conservative near the end and allowing Brady to get the ball back, but if he takes the wraps off and Romo throws another game-losing interception, he gets killed for that, too. He can't win. And that's why those two red-zone field goals killed them in the end. (Patriots 20, Cowboys 16)
Afterwards, Jay Cutler was as shocked as everyone else was that teams still kick to Devin Hester. Though I can't imagine they still do it on purpose — Vikings punter Chris Kluwe was on Dan LeBatard's new show and said that in their second meeting last year, he had been trying to kick it out of bounds away from Hester and it worked — except for the one time it didn't. Meanwhile, did we see Donovan McNabb's last pass? The Vikings aren't good, aren't going to do anything this year, and when you make the move to the overdrafted first-round pick (I say that even though I do like Ponder), it's just tough to go back. (Bears 39, Vikings 10)
My God, this game is ponderous. I'd be falling asleep if the pain I'm feeling from watching this wasn't so overwhelming. Plus so many things are blowing my mind. Why is Matt Moore throwing at Darrelle Revis at every given opportunity? Why can't the Jets run the ball anymore? Why are the Dolphins being outscored by the Panthers — the Florida Panthers? And is Matt Leinart watching this game and throwing up in his mouth? ("I don't want to talk about it.") I need answers to these questions but I'm not sure I want them. (Jets 24, Dolphins 6)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-4, L1): Three points. That's all I needed from Dustin Keller, Jets. You couldn't even manage that against the worst team in the league?
JackSux 10 (6-0, W6): Another week, another win. This time over Rob.
KeyStar V (4-2, L1): Got caught in quarterback limbo and might be in it again as new acquisition Sam Bradford is hurt and questionable. 20 points from Billy Cundiff (!) kept things close.
DellSux BQBFL (1-5, L5): My quarterbacks are too good. Jason Campbell going down briefly gave me some hope before the Raiders got desperate and paid too much for Carson Palmer (more on that next week).
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — It won't always be this easy, will it?
2. New England (5-1) — Textbook narrow escape
3. San Francisco (5-1) — Starting to look legit
4. New Orleans (4-2) — Not a good day when your own coach is the week's second-worst injury
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-5) — The future may have begun
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Lucky to have survived
31. Indianapolis (0-6) — Hanging tough, if nothing else
32. Miami (0-6) — Seriously, what was that?
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Weeks 4-5: Toil and Trouble
WEEK 4
Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, BUF @ CIN (end), DEN @ GB
So already Akers has missed a field goal and Vick's thrown an interception (that wasn't his fault; DeSean should have caught that ball.) I don't blame Andy for challenging that... atrocity Ronnie Brown committed because I don't think he knew what happened. The viewers and the announcers didn't see what happened until they showed the replay. What WAS that? My God. Mariucci: "This is madness." Why is Alex Smith leading this comeback? I mean, Josh Morgan? The Vernon Davis touchdown is excusable because the Eagles haven't stopped a tight end in about eight years. The bomb to Jackson should buy the Eagles some breathing ro— what? Come on, rook. It's 39 yards! You gotta hit that! Then the kid missed another one from 33... not the best showing with the guy you replaced on the other sideline. I have a bad feeling about this. GORE! GORE! GORE! And there it is. Still plenty of time to — what? He lost the ball? Unbelievable. This... yeah. The Falcons are a good team and that game could have gone either way. The Giants were probably due and played a perfect game. But this... this was bad. There's no other way to say it. (49ers 24, Eagles 23)
The worst part is I can't even enjoy the Cowboys' epic collapse. Irony: Bobby Carpenter finally makes a play in Cowboys Stadium. (Lions 34, Cowboys 30)
Of course, Vikings fans are used to bad second halves by now. (Chiefs 22, Vikings 17)
And Broncos fans are quickly getting used to bad first and second halves. Though they did make a nice rally in the second quarter. But you can't play the Packers at this speed because you. Will. Lose. (Packers 49, Broncos 23)
I think about six Ravens fell on that fumble. Huh, the Jets finally found a use for Joe McKnight. Do you like watching quarterbacks get abused in every way possible during a football game? If you do, you probably enjoyed this a little too much. (Ravens 34, Jets 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-3, L3): So, yeah. Dez Bryant's two first-half touchdowns got a good view of this loss from my bench. Did I mention I lost by less than four points?
JackSux 10 (4-0, W4): The Ravens' defense — which beat Mark Sanchez to within an inch of his life — was our star this week with 35 points, including three touchdowns.
KeyStar V (3-1, L1): Pretty nondescript loss, but the Andre Johnson injury is going to hurt going forward.
WEEK 5
Signal Finder: PHI @ BUF, TEN @ PIT, NYJ @ NE
Vikings win! Theeeeee... Vikings win! One only wonders what McNabb and Kolb talked about before or after the game. "Not going too well, is it?" "No. No, it's not." (Vikings 34, Cardinals 10)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. The thing about this Bills team is that its three best offensive players went to Kentucky, Harvard, and someplace called Coe College, and none of them were drafted before the sixth round. The Eagles continue to shoot themselves in the foot. Look out! Brad Smith's in at quarterback! Bang. Okay, mid-third quarter, down 28-7. If they don't get a touchdown here the game is over. That'll help — the right side of the field opened up and Vick bolted down there. There we go. FOX had the Panthers go-ahead touchdown highlight about five minutes after CBS did. How do you get scooped on your own game? Boy, they really could have used that touchdown. How'd we get to the two-minute warning already? And for the second straight week an Eagles receiver fumbles in scoring territory. Wait, how's that an interception? Unless they're saying Avant (who, like Maclin against the Falcons, was having the game of his career until that) never had possession in the first place. This feels disgustingly familiar. He jumped? Who jumps there? facepalm Not only is that totally a Bengals way to lose, but the Bengals actually lost a game in that exact same fashion last year (and this year's Bengals probably wouldn't lose a game like that). (Bills 31, Eagles 24)
As bad as that was, the Giants losing this game is worse. Think about it: The Eagles lost a road game to what looks like a pretty good Bills team in a place that's notoriously tough to win in even when the home team is bad. The Giants were at home against a bad Seahawks team that traveled from the West Coast, quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson and a guy who wasn't good enough to beat out Tarvaris Jackson in a game that started at 1 p.m. Eastern time. That's supposed to be a lock. Did the Seahawks stay in Youngstown, Ohio, like the 49ers did last week? (Seahawks 36, Giants 25)
Finally... Monday Night Football... HAS come BACK... to the Motor... City! This place is LOUD. The Bears can't hear themselves think. They also apparently can't see or feel Jahvid Best, who just ran through them like a knife through air. Go on, Lions. The upset here is that Jay Cutler stayed alive. (Lions 24, Bears 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-3, W1): Held off The Lucky Pierres to break a three-game losing streak. Also got my first trade offer of the year, which was soundly rejected.
JackSux10 (5-0, W5): This week's King of the Grid: Fred Jackson, whose 196 total yards led to 28.6 points in a win over Russ.
KeyStar V (4-1, W1): Back on track. Would you believe a kicker, Nick Novak, who's been out of the league for five years was my leading scorer? In other news, Orton being benched also means I need a quarterback...
DellSux BQBL (1-4, L4): Seriously, who thought Eli would throw up such a colossal stink bomb against the Seahawks? I really can't stress enough how unlikely an outcome that was. I didn't start him, of course...
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — It's almost criminal how well this is working so far
2. New Orleans (4-1) — Feels like Brees will have to carry them this year
3. New England (4-1) — But can they stop teams consistently?
4. San Francisco (4-1) — May have just needed the right coach
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) — Andrew Luck can't play defense that we know of. He can, however, catch passes
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Speaking of pass-catchers, these guys could use a few of those
31. Indianapolis (0-5) — Did anyone think it would be this bad?
32. Miami (0-5) — It's like that 11-5 season never happened
Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, BUF @ CIN (end), DEN @ GB
So already Akers has missed a field goal and Vick's thrown an interception (that wasn't his fault; DeSean should have caught that ball.) I don't blame Andy for challenging that... atrocity Ronnie Brown committed because I don't think he knew what happened. The viewers and the announcers didn't see what happened until they showed the replay. What WAS that? My God. Mariucci: "This is madness." Why is Alex Smith leading this comeback? I mean, Josh Morgan? The Vernon Davis touchdown is excusable because the Eagles haven't stopped a tight end in about eight years. The bomb to Jackson should buy the Eagles some breathing ro— what? Come on, rook. It's 39 yards! You gotta hit that! Then the kid missed another one from 33... not the best showing with the guy you replaced on the other sideline. I have a bad feeling about this. GORE! GORE! GORE! And there it is. Still plenty of time to — what? He lost the ball? Unbelievable. This... yeah. The Falcons are a good team and that game could have gone either way. The Giants were probably due and played a perfect game. But this... this was bad. There's no other way to say it. (49ers 24, Eagles 23)
The worst part is I can't even enjoy the Cowboys' epic collapse. Irony: Bobby Carpenter finally makes a play in Cowboys Stadium. (Lions 34, Cowboys 30)
Of course, Vikings fans are used to bad second halves by now. (Chiefs 22, Vikings 17)
And Broncos fans are quickly getting used to bad first and second halves. Though they did make a nice rally in the second quarter. But you can't play the Packers at this speed because you. Will. Lose. (Packers 49, Broncos 23)
I think about six Ravens fell on that fumble. Huh, the Jets finally found a use for Joe McKnight. Do you like watching quarterbacks get abused in every way possible during a football game? If you do, you probably enjoyed this a little too much. (Ravens 34, Jets 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-3, L3): So, yeah. Dez Bryant's two first-half touchdowns got a good view of this loss from my bench. Did I mention I lost by less than four points?
JackSux 10 (4-0, W4): The Ravens' defense — which beat Mark Sanchez to within an inch of his life — was our star this week with 35 points, including three touchdowns.
KeyStar V (3-1, L1): Pretty nondescript loss, but the Andre Johnson injury is going to hurt going forward.
WEEK 5
Signal Finder: PHI @ BUF, TEN @ PIT, NYJ @ NE
Vikings win! Theeeeee... Vikings win! One only wonders what McNabb and Kolb talked about before or after the game. "Not going too well, is it?" "No. No, it's not." (Vikings 34, Cardinals 10)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. The thing about this Bills team is that its three best offensive players went to Kentucky, Harvard, and someplace called Coe College, and none of them were drafted before the sixth round. The Eagles continue to shoot themselves in the foot. Look out! Brad Smith's in at quarterback! Bang. Okay, mid-third quarter, down 28-7. If they don't get a touchdown here the game is over. That'll help — the right side of the field opened up and Vick bolted down there. There we go. FOX had the Panthers go-ahead touchdown highlight about five minutes after CBS did. How do you get scooped on your own game? Boy, they really could have used that touchdown. How'd we get to the two-minute warning already? And for the second straight week an Eagles receiver fumbles in scoring territory. Wait, how's that an interception? Unless they're saying Avant (who, like Maclin against the Falcons, was having the game of his career until that) never had possession in the first place. This feels disgustingly familiar. He jumped? Who jumps there? facepalm Not only is that totally a Bengals way to lose, but the Bengals actually lost a game in that exact same fashion last year (and this year's Bengals probably wouldn't lose a game like that). (Bills 31, Eagles 24)
As bad as that was, the Giants losing this game is worse. Think about it: The Eagles lost a road game to what looks like a pretty good Bills team in a place that's notoriously tough to win in even when the home team is bad. The Giants were at home against a bad Seahawks team that traveled from the West Coast, quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson and a guy who wasn't good enough to beat out Tarvaris Jackson in a game that started at 1 p.m. Eastern time. That's supposed to be a lock. Did the Seahawks stay in Youngstown, Ohio, like the 49ers did last week? (Seahawks 36, Giants 25)
Finally... Monday Night Football... HAS come BACK... to the Motor... City! This place is LOUD. The Bears can't hear themselves think. They also apparently can't see or feel Jahvid Best, who just ran through them like a knife through air. Go on, Lions. The upset here is that Jay Cutler stayed alive. (Lions 24, Bears 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-3, W1): Held off The Lucky Pierres to break a three-game losing streak. Also got my first trade offer of the year, which was soundly rejected.
JackSux10 (5-0, W5): This week's King of the Grid: Fred Jackson, whose 196 total yards led to 28.6 points in a win over Russ.
KeyStar V (4-1, W1): Back on track. Would you believe a kicker, Nick Novak, who's been out of the league for five years was my leading scorer? In other news, Orton being benched also means I need a quarterback...
DellSux BQBL (1-4, L4): Seriously, who thought Eli would throw up such a colossal stink bomb against the Seahawks? I really can't stress enough how unlikely an outcome that was. I didn't start him, of course...
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — It's almost criminal how well this is working so far
2. New Orleans (4-1) — Feels like Brees will have to carry them this year
3. New England (4-1) — But can they stop teams consistently?
4. San Francisco (4-1) — May have just needed the right coach
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) — Andrew Luck can't play defense that we know of. He can, however, catch passes
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Speaking of pass-catchers, these guys could use a few of those
31. Indianapolis (0-5) — Did anyone think it would be this bad?
32. Miami (0-5) — It's like that 11-5 season never happened
Thursday, October 20, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Into The Wall
Signal Finder: NYG @ PHI, DET @ MIN (end), NYJ @ OAK
Delaware River, hello! And those planes flying over my parents' house right now are headed to the Vault for the home-opening flyover. Well, that's certainly not what Steve Smith 2.0 wanted to do in his first game against his old team. The Great Linebacker Shift Of 2011 is already not paying off, as Casey Matthews got duped so badly on that play fake to Jacobs (who I've never seen run that fast) that I think his brother slipped. Ever since they hit Cruz with that deep touchdown, the Giants have tried several times to get it again. I'm not sure how I feel about them going for it on 4th and 3 from the Eagles' 31 there. I AM sure that, had I been so inclined, I would have thrown a pass past the first-down marker. The Eagles' running game is working this week. I remember either Jon Runyan or Todd Herremans saying a few years ago that Andy will run the ball more if it's successful early in the game, otherwise he'll just dump it. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Good job by Peters to jump on that, though. The Eagles' goal-line offense looks like... the 2008 Eagles' goal-line offense. Still, sixteen unanswered points. We've seen this before. Oh boy, Vick's on the sideline holding his hand. I can't tell if it was the hit itself or him bracing himself when he hit the ground. Now he's not. And now he is again. Let's see if Kafka can catch lightning in a bottle again like last week. And that looks like a "no." Sick catch by Cruz on a pass that Eli probably shouldn't have thrown to begin with (high and into double coverage) This "Vick leaves the game, then the other team takes the lead" thing has got to stop. Though so far, nothing unusual has happened, which is good news for the Giants because every time it does recently, it has not been to their benefit. Bradshaw caps it and screams out something or other. He doesn't look injured but he sure sounds it. You know what? Streaks end. And the Giants played an almost pitch-perfect game. Better this happens in Week 3 than in Week 13. (Giants 29, Eagles 16)
Given the opponent, the history, and the manner in which it took place, this may be the worst game Tom Brady's ever had. (Bills 34, Patriots 31)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: 49ers 13, Bengals 8
Did the Vikings just penalize themselves out of a possible game-winning field goal attempt? I'm pretty sure they did and now I'm just assuming they're going to lose. Ah, geez. Cedric Griffin did all he could. This is the second time in two weeks we've had after-the-game confusion. What's going on? (Lions 26, Vikings 23, OT)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: I'M MIKE WALLACE. What the... the Steelers can't get out of their own way right now. Jamaal Anderson lives! Yeah, just kneel down, Ben. Don't do anything else stupid. Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. And we're inside, for crying out loud. (Is the roof open tonight? It usually isn't for night games and I don't remember.) A concussion for Collins? Well, this lead'll vanish soon enough. And once again the Steelers have run out of offensive linemen. Suisham ties it and it's only a matter of time now. Or is it? The Colts are inspired, at least on defense. There it is — Harrison and Polamalu, as usual. That's the game. Or is it? Garcon's made two big catches on this drive. That is a touchdown, right? Yeah, it is. We're tied again. Curtis Painter did that? Really? Of course, the once-inspired Colts defense then ruins it by letting Mewelde Moore catch a 22-yard pass, then letting Ben run for 11 more. Shaun Suisham does real kicker things? How 'bout that. OK, that's the game. (Steelers 23, Colts 20)
Eagles fans are becoming concerned, but I wasn't exactly left shaking in my boots after seeing this display. (Cowboys 18, Redskins 16)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-2, L2): The toughest losses in fantasy football are the really close ones that, upon further examination, you couldn't have done anything about. The 2.25 points Giant Tropical Roach beat me by just weren't there to be found.
JackSux 10 (3-0, W3): I know I didn't do a draft recap but I need to tell you about this roster. Drew Brees, Calvin Johnson, Andre Johnson, Ryan Mathews, Fred Jackson, Hines Ward, Mike Wallace, Brandon Pettigrew. Now for the bench: Kyle Orton, Malcom Floyd, Jonathan Stewart, Willis McGahee, Ryan Longwell (a Week 2 replacement for Nate Kaeding), Dallas Clark, Reggie Wayne. Those guys got me 215 points this week. Which I'm pretty sure is a league record. Six of them scored over 20 points, with Brees breaking 40. I actually felt bad for Johnny, who would have beaten all but one other person this week.
KeyStar V (3-0, W3): A relatively easy win over the Ramblin' Rams.
DellSux BQBL (1-2, L2): Damn you, Eli Manning, for not sucking against the Eagles like you have the last three years. Also, my opponent started the Eagles, making this the Blowout Of The Week.
Delaware River, hello! And those planes flying over my parents' house right now are headed to the Vault for the home-opening flyover. Well, that's certainly not what Steve Smith 2.0 wanted to do in his first game against his old team. The Great Linebacker Shift Of 2011 is already not paying off, as Casey Matthews got duped so badly on that play fake to Jacobs (who I've never seen run that fast) that I think his brother slipped. Ever since they hit Cruz with that deep touchdown, the Giants have tried several times to get it again. I'm not sure how I feel about them going for it on 4th and 3 from the Eagles' 31 there. I AM sure that, had I been so inclined, I would have thrown a pass past the first-down marker. The Eagles' running game is working this week. I remember either Jon Runyan or Todd Herremans saying a few years ago that Andy will run the ball more if it's successful early in the game, otherwise he'll just dump it. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Good job by Peters to jump on that, though. The Eagles' goal-line offense looks like... the 2008 Eagles' goal-line offense. Still, sixteen unanswered points. We've seen this before. Oh boy, Vick's on the sideline holding his hand. I can't tell if it was the hit itself or him bracing himself when he hit the ground. Now he's not. And now he is again. Let's see if Kafka can catch lightning in a bottle again like last week. And that looks like a "no." Sick catch by Cruz on a pass that Eli probably shouldn't have thrown to begin with (high and into double coverage) This "Vick leaves the game, then the other team takes the lead" thing has got to stop. Though so far, nothing unusual has happened, which is good news for the Giants because every time it does recently, it has not been to their benefit. Bradshaw caps it and screams out something or other. He doesn't look injured but he sure sounds it. You know what? Streaks end. And the Giants played an almost pitch-perfect game. Better this happens in Week 3 than in Week 13. (Giants 29, Eagles 16)
Given the opponent, the history, and the manner in which it took place, this may be the worst game Tom Brady's ever had. (Bills 34, Patriots 31)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: 49ers 13, Bengals 8
Did the Vikings just penalize themselves out of a possible game-winning field goal attempt? I'm pretty sure they did and now I'm just assuming they're going to lose. Ah, geez. Cedric Griffin did all he could. This is the second time in two weeks we've had after-the-game confusion. What's going on? (Lions 26, Vikings 23, OT)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: I'M MIKE WALLACE. What the... the Steelers can't get out of their own way right now. Jamaal Anderson lives! Yeah, just kneel down, Ben. Don't do anything else stupid. Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. And we're inside, for crying out loud. (Is the roof open tonight? It usually isn't for night games and I don't remember.) A concussion for Collins? Well, this lead'll vanish soon enough. And once again the Steelers have run out of offensive linemen. Suisham ties it and it's only a matter of time now. Or is it? The Colts are inspired, at least on defense. There it is — Harrison and Polamalu, as usual. That's the game. Or is it? Garcon's made two big catches on this drive. That is a touchdown, right? Yeah, it is. We're tied again. Curtis Painter did that? Really? Of course, the once-inspired Colts defense then ruins it by letting Mewelde Moore catch a 22-yard pass, then letting Ben run for 11 more. Shaun Suisham does real kicker things? How 'bout that. OK, that's the game. (Steelers 23, Colts 20)
Eagles fans are becoming concerned, but I wasn't exactly left shaking in my boots after seeing this display. (Cowboys 18, Redskins 16)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-2, L2): The toughest losses in fantasy football are the really close ones that, upon further examination, you couldn't have done anything about. The 2.25 points Giant Tropical Roach beat me by just weren't there to be found.
JackSux 10 (3-0, W3): I know I didn't do a draft recap but I need to tell you about this roster. Drew Brees, Calvin Johnson, Andre Johnson, Ryan Mathews, Fred Jackson, Hines Ward, Mike Wallace, Brandon Pettigrew. Now for the bench: Kyle Orton, Malcom Floyd, Jonathan Stewart, Willis McGahee, Ryan Longwell (a Week 2 replacement for Nate Kaeding), Dallas Clark, Reggie Wayne. Those guys got me 215 points this week. Which I'm pretty sure is a league record. Six of them scored over 20 points, with Brees breaking 40. I actually felt bad for Johnny, who would have beaten all but one other person this week.
KeyStar V (3-0, W3): A relatively easy win over the Ramblin' Rams.
DellSux BQBL (1-2, L2): Damn you, Eli Manning, for not sucking against the Eagles like you have the last three years. Also, my opponent started the Eagles, making this the Blowout Of The Week.
Friday, September 23, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: The Beauty In Ugly
Signal Finder: JAX @ NYJ, OAK @ BUF (end), CHI @ NO, SD @ NE
East Rutherford Office Complex, hello! Rather clinical opening drive for the Jets there. Safety! You'd think the Jets would get more of those. Sanchex should have thrown that one somewhere else. And McCown should have thrown that one somewhere else. The Jets' right tackle who was getting blown up all last week has become a human penalty flag this time around. That's at least three. The Jags look sluggish. It feels like Shonn Greene just isn't getting there yet. Conversely, it feels like Dustin Keller's finally arrived. The Jags have gone from sluggish to incompetent. Let's check this replay and I don't think Cromartie made it. Yep, ball at the 1. Luke McCown, ladies and gentlemen... Luke McCown. Friends, we are witnessing a career-ending performance. And here's Blaine Gabbert, who I don't expect to do any better. I suppose I should explain this while I'm waiting for Channel 3 to switch games: He wasn't any kind of star in college (think a less well-known Matthew Stafford), didn't have anything about his game that stood out in relation to the other quarterbacks in this draft, nobody was even talking about him as a first-rounder until Andrew Luck decided he preferred Palo Alto to Charlotte, and once that happened, he made a Mike Mamula-esque meteoric rise up all the draft boards. That is the recipe for a draft bust. Are we done here? Yes? Good. (Jets 32, Jaguars 3)
Looks like we've walked into a barnburner here. The Raiders are apparently down three receivers. The Bills were down 18 points before breaking off three straight touchdowns. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Has there been a punt in this half? There hasn't been one since I started watching. (There was one before the switchover.) Who is Scott Chandler and why does he already have 18 touchdown catches this year? (I'm exaggerating. Mostly.) Darren McFadden is a pass-catching beast. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Chris Johnson's bad day gets worse as he drops a pick in the end zone. Touchdown Bills! And how does Nelson get that wide open in that spot? But there's still time (to get into better Hail Mary position if nothing else.) Here we go... someone caught that? Who's got it? Who's got it? The Bills have it! Fun footnote: The booth actually reviewed that play for 10 minutes and announced it was upheld after almost all the fans had left. How did this end up being the best game of the week? (Bills 38, Raiders 35)
grabs invisible megaphone "Attention fantasy football players worldwide: Bench all Colts until further notice. I repeat: Bench all Colts until further notice. Thank you." (Browns 27, Colts 19)
You know how on sitcoms, when someone offscreen is getting badly beaten up or just somehow taking an inordinate amount of damage, and the characters on screen are wincing, recoiling, and shielding their faces with their arms because it's too violent to watch? That's what watching Jay Cutler get beaten down was like. (Saints 30, Bears 13)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Lions 48, Chiefs 3
I see the Cowboys still haven't solved their kicking problems. So wait, Smith drops the snap, gets it back, throws up a wounded duck and the Cowboys get flagged for interference? That's Raideresque. Talk about a reversal of fortunes — Bailey hits from 48 after missing from 21 on the opening drive, then Romo atones for last week's debacle. Though you have to wonder about the state of affairs when a guy who was only in camp because he won a reality show no one watched not only eventually makes the roster, but ends up making the key play in overtime. (Cowboys 27, 49ers 24, OT)
Three touchdown passes for Tom Brady? What, again? *yawn* I don't think he's ever lost to the Chargers. And after seeing the Vince Wilfork rumble, let me just say this: if he's 325 pounds, Gisele's a 6. (Patriots 35, Chargers 21)
Nice catch by White in the back of the end zone. I assume Dunta Robinson's getting at least fined for that — he led with his helmet and his arms were at his sides, making zero attempt to wrap up. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I can't tell if that was an actual interception or not, and Les Bowen's going berserk on Twitter: "The obvious TD they replay four times but they can't show the 'pick' once?" Cullen Jenkins has been blowing things up tonight. So what happened? Ah, Vick got knocked into Herremans and their helmets clanged. "The thornbush is the old obstacle in the road. It must catch fire if you want to go further." Oh, wait, wrong Kafka. Although the Falcons' defense could be considered a thornbush and it's definitely been on fire tonight (and not in a good way if you're a Falcons fan) Well, they had been keeping Turner in check. Say what you ant about Andy Reid, but his backup quarterbacks have always been prepared. Kafka's played pretty well all things considered. And Maclin... drops it? He catches 13 and drops the easiest one he gets? Dear Lord. Yeah, this one got away from the Eagles. Yet, had they won, I'd probably be saying the same thing about the Falcons. And I'm not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. (Falcons 35, Eagles 31)
FANTASY REPORT
apa2011 (1-1, L1): Dustin Keller? Danario Alexander? Yeah, that' s 29 points left on the bench in a nine-point loss where Dez Bryant didn't play and Zach Miller (Seattle) might as well not have.
JackSux 10 (2-0, W2): Fred Jackson went off as part of the berserker barrage that was Raiders-Bills. I will also take 37 from Drew Brees and 22 from Ryan Mathews.
KeyStar V (2-0, W2): The star here was Mike Wallace, scoring a game-high 23 points.
HPSux Bad QB League (1-1, L1): I guess it's only really a "loss" in the sense that I scored fewer points than the other team. Campbell's big day against the Bills was good for negative points. That's the kindof league this is.
East Rutherford Office Complex, hello! Rather clinical opening drive for the Jets there. Safety! You'd think the Jets would get more of those. Sanchex should have thrown that one somewhere else. And McCown should have thrown that one somewhere else. The Jets' right tackle who was getting blown up all last week has become a human penalty flag this time around. That's at least three. The Jags look sluggish. It feels like Shonn Greene just isn't getting there yet. Conversely, it feels like Dustin Keller's finally arrived. The Jags have gone from sluggish to incompetent. Let's check this replay and I don't think Cromartie made it. Yep, ball at the 1. Luke McCown, ladies and gentlemen... Luke McCown. Friends, we are witnessing a career-ending performance. And here's Blaine Gabbert, who I don't expect to do any better. I suppose I should explain this while I'm waiting for Channel 3 to switch games: He wasn't any kind of star in college (think a less well-known Matthew Stafford), didn't have anything about his game that stood out in relation to the other quarterbacks in this draft, nobody was even talking about him as a first-rounder until Andrew Luck decided he preferred Palo Alto to Charlotte, and once that happened, he made a Mike Mamula-esque meteoric rise up all the draft boards. That is the recipe for a draft bust. Are we done here? Yes? Good. (Jets 32, Jaguars 3)
Looks like we've walked into a barnburner here. The Raiders are apparently down three receivers. The Bills were down 18 points before breaking off three straight touchdowns. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Has there been a punt in this half? There hasn't been one since I started watching. (There was one before the switchover.) Who is Scott Chandler and why does he already have 18 touchdown catches this year? (I'm exaggerating. Mostly.) Darren McFadden is a pass-catching beast. I'm getting dizzy watching this. Chris Johnson's bad day gets worse as he drops a pick in the end zone. Touchdown Bills! And how does Nelson get that wide open in that spot? But there's still time (to get into better Hail Mary position if nothing else.) Here we go... someone caught that? Who's got it? Who's got it? The Bills have it! Fun footnote: The booth actually reviewed that play for 10 minutes and announced it was upheld after almost all the fans had left. How did this end up being the best game of the week? (Bills 38, Raiders 35)
grabs invisible megaphone "Attention fantasy football players worldwide: Bench all Colts until further notice. I repeat: Bench all Colts until further notice. Thank you." (Browns 27, Colts 19)
You know how on sitcoms, when someone offscreen is getting badly beaten up or just somehow taking an inordinate amount of damage, and the characters on screen are wincing, recoiling, and shielding their faces with their arms because it's too violent to watch? That's what watching Jay Cutler get beaten down was like. (Saints 30, Bears 13)
I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Lions 48, Chiefs 3
I see the Cowboys still haven't solved their kicking problems. So wait, Smith drops the snap, gets it back, throws up a wounded duck and the Cowboys get flagged for interference? That's Raideresque. Talk about a reversal of fortunes — Bailey hits from 48 after missing from 21 on the opening drive, then Romo atones for last week's debacle. Though you have to wonder about the state of affairs when a guy who was only in camp because he won a reality show no one watched not only eventually makes the roster, but ends up making the key play in overtime. (Cowboys 27, 49ers 24, OT)
Three touchdown passes for Tom Brady? What, again? *yawn* I don't think he's ever lost to the Chargers. And after seeing the Vince Wilfork rumble, let me just say this: if he's 325 pounds, Gisele's a 6. (Patriots 35, Chargers 21)
Nice catch by White in the back of the end zone. I assume Dunta Robinson's getting at least fined for that — he led with his helmet and his arms were at his sides, making zero attempt to wrap up. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I can't tell if that was an actual interception or not, and Les Bowen's going berserk on Twitter: "The obvious TD they replay four times but they can't show the 'pick' once?" Cullen Jenkins has been blowing things up tonight. So what happened? Ah, Vick got knocked into Herremans and their helmets clanged. "The thornbush is the old obstacle in the road. It must catch fire if you want to go further." Oh, wait, wrong Kafka. Although the Falcons' defense could be considered a thornbush and it's definitely been on fire tonight (and not in a good way if you're a Falcons fan) Well, they had been keeping Turner in check. Say what you ant about Andy Reid, but his backup quarterbacks have always been prepared. Kafka's played pretty well all things considered. And Maclin... drops it? He catches 13 and drops the easiest one he gets? Dear Lord. Yeah, this one got away from the Eagles. Yet, had they won, I'd probably be saying the same thing about the Falcons. And I'm not sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. (Falcons 35, Eagles 31)
FANTASY REPORT
apa2011 (1-1, L1): Dustin Keller? Danario Alexander? Yeah, that' s 29 points left on the bench in a nine-point loss where Dez Bryant didn't play and Zach Miller (Seattle) might as well not have.
JackSux 10 (2-0, W2): Fred Jackson went off as part of the berserker barrage that was Raiders-Bills. I will also take 37 from Drew Brees and 22 from Ryan Mathews.
KeyStar V (2-0, W2): The star here was Mike Wallace, scoring a game-high 23 points.
HPSux Bad QB League (1-1, L1): I guess it's only really a "loss" in the sense that I scored fewer points than the other team. Campbell's big day against the Bills was good for negative points. That's the kindof league this is.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 1: Running The Red Lights
Frozen Tundra, hello! Really, though, it's more soaked than anything. This seemed the most obvious choice for the opener what with the last two champions and all. Four possessions, three touchdowns, one coming off a turnover. Feels like this is gonna be one of those games. Huh. A stop. And a three-and-out, no less. And Sproles runs the ensuing punt back for a touchdown. Yeah, this is definitely gonna be one of those games. Now the Packers have decided to run the ball and that's working, too. This offense is frightening to watch if you're a fellow NFC contender. There's another score. And the half ends with a punt into the end zone. A field goal? That's disappointing. Why is this Cobb kid running this kickoff out? OH. And then Sproles does just about half as well on the ensuing kickoff? THIS IS MADNESS. Did Woodson just punch that guy? Seriously? The way the Packers have been scoring touchdowns, you almost have to go for it here. I'm not sure I would have called that play, though. Now watch the Packers go down and get another touchdown. Yeah, that's about right. Pass interference?! Yeah, it kinda was. One more shot. De-NIED! The Saints need to work on their goal-line offense. And that is how you start a season. Well, unless you like defense. (Packers 42, Saints 34)
Signal Finder: PHI @ STL, PIT @ BAL, CIN @ CLE (end), NYG @ WSH, SEA @ SF (end)
Given what today is, and what the theme of the NFL's scheduling has been, shouldn't this game be in Pittsburgh? Boom! And just like that it's... 21-7 Ravens? The Steelers can't get out of their own way, it seems. Did... did they just run a fake on the extra point? And the holder went into the end zone untouched? If I'd been there, that would've been my signal to leave. PROTECT — never mind. I give up. So for those keeping track, at this point, here are the Steelers' last five offensive plays: Two incomplete passes, a punt, a fumble, and an interception. And now the Ravens are going for it on fourth and 1 from the Steelers' 8. Yes, these two teams despise each other, why do you ask? Stuffed! That'll probably be the only positive the Steelers take from this game. And of course Ben throws an interception in the red zone. And then he does it AGAIN! (None of these have been good throws, either.) The wheels have not only come off, they're interfering with traffic. Hey, a Ricky Williams sighting! On second thought, maybe it's a good thing this game wasn't in Pittsburgh after all. (Ravens 35, Steelers 7)
This is exactly how Steelers-Ravens started. Scary. Except Ray Rice didn't get hurt doing it. Also the Steelers didn't come right back like the Eagles just did. Nice to see Cadillac Williams found work, though I do question the wisdom of a guy who's has the knee problems he's had signing with a team that plays its home games indoors on turf. Also, the Eagles' run defense is worrisome. Except for that. Speaking of runniong, Vick's had to do more of it than we'd all probably prefer, and he's not having the best day throwing the ball, though the third-quarter touchdown to Jackson was kind of cool, a nice little floater. You have to catch breaks, too, and the Eagles have caught some of those, like the missed field goal earlier and now this penalty on the Rams after first-and-goal at the 1. I always love seeing offensive holding get called on a sack. It's like... at least make it worth your while, y'know? (Eagles 31, Rams 13)
If the Lions make the playoffs and the Bucs don't, this will be why. (Lions 27, Buccaneers 20)
Michael Irvin actually made a good point (I know. I can't believe it, either) on Gameday Final when he said that all the talk over the years about how no one except Peyton Manning can run the Colts' offense seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, that doesn't explain the lack of running game or the defense, though we did establish two years ago that Peyton is also the Colts' best defensive player. Meanwhile, Matt Leinart was watching this from the Texans' sideline and no doubt thinking, "They could have called me. I was available. They knew they had a potential problem on their hands. I mean, could I really have done worse than that guy's doing? You know who they signed? Dan Orlovsky. Seriously? They think Dan Orlovsky's better than me? I was ahead of him on this depth chart! And then they cut his ass. Kerry's old team could have used me too, y'know? Instead they drafted Jake Locker. Jake Locker! Jack Locker can't carry my pads. C'mon, man." (Texans 34, Colts 7)
Is Giants-Redskins a new traditional Week 1 game or something? This is at least the third year in a row. Eli just scored on a bootleg. That shouldn't happen ever. Jabar Gaffney's still alive? Let's not get too excited. The Giants' defense was missing its three best guys. (Redskins 28, Giants 14)
SPEED 2! Although I guess since Troy Williamson's out of the league, Ted Ginn can officially ascend to the rank of SPEED. (49ers 27, Seahawks 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Whoever on the Browns is responsible for breaking the defensive huddle; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Tony Romo; 4. On defense. You could count the number of solid — never mind standout — team defensive performances on one hand. And it's usually the opposite — defenses are generally ahead of the offenses at the start of the season; 5. The Chargers' new special teams coach.
Oh, Romo. Your incompetence simultaneously amuses and angers me, and that, my friend, is no small feat. Seriously, though. How do you throw a pass to a receiver who can't run because he's been cramping up the entire second half, and he's being covered by Darrelle Revis? And as I'm thinking that, Sanchez almost gives it back again. Seriously, nobody wants to win this game, do they? Nick Folk? Nick Folk! Proposed headline for Post sidebar: "Nick to Cowboys: Folk You". (Jets 27, Cowboys 24)
All right, everyone who had "Week 1, fourth quarter" in the "first chant for Tim Tebow" pool, please report to the hospitality lounge on the first-level concourse to collect your winnings. (Raiders 23, Broncos 20)
FANTASY REPORT
It's about to get crowded down here, as I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I didn't do a draft recap because I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I don't want to write that and you don't want to read it.
APA2011 (1-0, W1): A highly scaled-back 14-team version this year. This week, got the win courtesy of Steve Smith 1.0 (who I am genuinely surprised is still a Panther).
JackSux 10 (1-0, W1): Yahoo now has divisions (!) to make things... about the same, from all appearances. Oh well, I guess I'll notice something different later. Ah, the game. Put up Top Score in a win over Jay with Drew Brees, Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson. Also, Rob has apparently secured an actual trophy for the winner. I'm... not sure how I feel about this.
KeyStar V (1-0, W1): 18 teams, 3 divisions (!) with a couple of the guys from the APA league. I think I was brought in to fill a spot so we could get to a reasonable number. No fractional points (!), but 23 from Orton and 21 from Reggie Wayne get me a 104-99 win.
ALSO! Jay was inspired by Grantland's Bad Quarterback Fantasy League concept and started one up himself. There's eight of us, and I'm pretty sure I got the worst draw with Oakland (Jason Campbell), Houston (Matt Schaub), the Giants (Eli Manning) and San Diego (Philip Rivers). But I did win my Week 1 matchup.
Signal Finder: PHI @ STL, PIT @ BAL, CIN @ CLE (end), NYG @ WSH, SEA @ SF (end)
Given what today is, and what the theme of the NFL's scheduling has been, shouldn't this game be in Pittsburgh? Boom! And just like that it's... 21-7 Ravens? The Steelers can't get out of their own way, it seems. Did... did they just run a fake on the extra point? And the holder went into the end zone untouched? If I'd been there, that would've been my signal to leave. PROTECT — never mind. I give up. So for those keeping track, at this point, here are the Steelers' last five offensive plays: Two incomplete passes, a punt, a fumble, and an interception. And now the Ravens are going for it on fourth and 1 from the Steelers' 8. Yes, these two teams despise each other, why do you ask? Stuffed! That'll probably be the only positive the Steelers take from this game. And of course Ben throws an interception in the red zone. And then he does it AGAIN! (None of these have been good throws, either.) The wheels have not only come off, they're interfering with traffic. Hey, a Ricky Williams sighting! On second thought, maybe it's a good thing this game wasn't in Pittsburgh after all. (Ravens 35, Steelers 7)
This is exactly how Steelers-Ravens started. Scary. Except Ray Rice didn't get hurt doing it. Also the Steelers didn't come right back like the Eagles just did. Nice to see Cadillac Williams found work, though I do question the wisdom of a guy who's has the knee problems he's had signing with a team that plays its home games indoors on turf. Also, the Eagles' run defense is worrisome. Except for that. Speaking of runniong, Vick's had to do more of it than we'd all probably prefer, and he's not having the best day throwing the ball, though the third-quarter touchdown to Jackson was kind of cool, a nice little floater. You have to catch breaks, too, and the Eagles have caught some of those, like the missed field goal earlier and now this penalty on the Rams after first-and-goal at the 1. I always love seeing offensive holding get called on a sack. It's like... at least make it worth your while, y'know? (Eagles 31, Rams 13)
If the Lions make the playoffs and the Bucs don't, this will be why. (Lions 27, Buccaneers 20)
Michael Irvin actually made a good point (I know. I can't believe it, either) on Gameday Final when he said that all the talk over the years about how no one except Peyton Manning can run the Colts' offense seems to have become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, that doesn't explain the lack of running game or the defense, though we did establish two years ago that Peyton is also the Colts' best defensive player. Meanwhile, Matt Leinart was watching this from the Texans' sideline and no doubt thinking, "They could have called me. I was available. They knew they had a potential problem on their hands. I mean, could I really have done worse than that guy's doing? You know who they signed? Dan Orlovsky. Seriously? They think Dan Orlovsky's better than me? I was ahead of him on this depth chart! And then they cut his ass. Kerry's old team could have used me too, y'know? Instead they drafted Jake Locker. Jake Locker! Jack Locker can't carry my pads. C'mon, man." (Texans 34, Colts 7)
Is Giants-Redskins a new traditional Week 1 game or something? This is at least the third year in a row. Eli just scored on a bootleg. That shouldn't happen ever. Jabar Gaffney's still alive? Let's not get too excited. The Giants' defense was missing its three best guys. (Redskins 28, Giants 14)
SPEED 2! Although I guess since Troy Williamson's out of the league, Ted Ginn can officially ascend to the rank of SPEED. (49ers 27, Seahawks 17)
This Week It Sucks To Be: 1. Whoever on the Browns is responsible for breaking the defensive huddle; 2. Donovan McNabb; 3. Tony Romo; 4. On defense. You could count the number of solid — never mind standout — team defensive performances on one hand. And it's usually the opposite — defenses are generally ahead of the offenses at the start of the season; 5. The Chargers' new special teams coach.
Oh, Romo. Your incompetence simultaneously amuses and angers me, and that, my friend, is no small feat. Seriously, though. How do you throw a pass to a receiver who can't run because he's been cramping up the entire second half, and he's being covered by Darrelle Revis? And as I'm thinking that, Sanchez almost gives it back again. Seriously, nobody wants to win this game, do they? Nick Folk? Nick Folk! Proposed headline for Post sidebar: "Nick to Cowboys: Folk You". (Jets 27, Cowboys 24)
All right, everyone who had "Week 1, fourth quarter" in the "first chant for Tim Tebow" pool, please report to the hospitality lounge on the first-level concourse to collect your winnings. (Raiders 23, Broncos 20)
FANTASY REPORT
It's about to get crowded down here, as I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I didn't do a draft recap because I'm in three different Yahoo leagues this season. I don't want to write that and you don't want to read it.
APA2011 (1-0, W1): A highly scaled-back 14-team version this year. This week, got the win courtesy of Steve Smith 1.0 (who I am genuinely surprised is still a Panther).
JackSux 10 (1-0, W1): Yahoo now has divisions (!) to make things... about the same, from all appearances. Oh well, I guess I'll notice something different later. Ah, the game. Put up Top Score in a win over Jay with Drew Brees, Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson. Also, Rob has apparently secured an actual trophy for the winner. I'm... not sure how I feel about this.
KeyStar V (1-0, W1): 18 teams, 3 divisions (!) with a couple of the guys from the APA league. I think I was brought in to fill a spot so we could get to a reasonable number. No fractional points (!), but 23 from Orton and 21 from Reggie Wayne get me a 104-99 win.
ALSO! Jay was inspired by Grantland's Bad Quarterback Fantasy League concept and started one up himself. There's eight of us, and I'm pretty sure I got the worst draw with Oakland (Jason Campbell), Houston (Matt Schaub), the Giants (Eli Manning) and San Diego (Philip Rivers). But I did win my Week 1 matchup.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
The Scariest Silence
Sometime between my freshman and sophomore year of college, I seemingly "developed" a knack for waking up right before the dorm fire alarm went off. This was after a year of sleeping through them, without fail, and not finding out that it went off until lunch. Maybe that's what triggered it -- my brain processed its seeming lack of regard for my own safety and adjusted accordingly to make sure I was aware that something bad might be happening. When it changed and I started waking up right before the alarms went off, it also happened without fail. Of course, that ability, like many feats the human body is physiologically capable of during college, soon vanished, and vanished quickly.
So I suppose, in a roundabout way, it makes perfect sense that I was asleep when the first planes hit the World Trade Center 10 years ago. And it also makes perfect sense that I woke up right before my dad called me from work to tell me what happened.
It was just after noon. He didn't actually tell me right away... he told me to turn on the TV first, as if I wouldn't believe him if he'd just said it himself. I stared at the screen in utter disbelief. I was barely coherent, fumbling for the remote while babbling. At the time, Dad was working at the Navy base in Patuxent River, Md., as a fuel tester. They closed up shop as soon as the second plane hit the north tower, and he was already back at the trailer he stayed in down there during the week.
I'd gotten myself together enough to have both the TV and my computer on just to keep up with everything. A couple hours into it, I get an IM from my friend Rob in Texas: "Er... damn." I'm sure my response was something equally light on keystrokes. He was relieved to know that I was all right, and we chatted for about half an hour.
The most incongruent moment of the day (and, given the circumstances, possibly of the entire year) was the UPS guy arriving that afternoon to drop off the computer my dad bought. I don't remember what, if anything, I said to him, if we talked at all about what was happening or what. Fortunately, that and the AIM conversation with Rob sort of snapped me back into reality. A reality in which I had to go to work.
I got a particularly telling sign as I left the house. Our neighborhood then had a lot of families with a lot of young kids. It's after 4 o'clock at this point, and usually you saw and heard them playing outside or riding their bikes or whatever. Today? Nothing. The only thing I saw other than myself was a sprinkler running on the lawn across the street.
I pretty much knew that we in Sports weren't going to be doing anything. The only reason I was heading down there is because I figured the news desk might need us to pitch in in some fashion, with the deluge of stories that was sure to be coming in. Driving down Route 206, and especially after getting on the Atlantic City Expressway, brought on the one thing that I'll never forget from 9/11.
The silence.
The roads were empty. And I don't mean the emptiness that you see when it's late at night and there's no traffic. I mean the roads were completely empty. I don't remember seeing anyone else on the expressway during the trip down or the trip back. Remember what a beautiful and peaceful day it actually was in the Mid-Atlantic before 9 a.m.! I had EZPass; I didn't even stop at the toll booth.
I got to work just as Seven collapsed and found out I was right. Sports was relegated to three pages at the back of the Region section. I just read a couple of national stories, helped gather all the information on the high school events being postponed, and went back home. Again, nothing but silence outside.
I got home and didn't turn the TV back on. I'd taken in too much. I mean... who processes this? Instead I went back up to my room and put this song on loop.
It ended up being my informal Song of the Year for 2001. It might have been anyway, but...
Many people will remember the shock of seeing the images of the planes crashing, the Twin Towers burning.
Me? I'll never forget the eerie silence.
God willing, the world will never be that quiet again.
So I suppose, in a roundabout way, it makes perfect sense that I was asleep when the first planes hit the World Trade Center 10 years ago. And it also makes perfect sense that I woke up right before my dad called me from work to tell me what happened.
It was just after noon. He didn't actually tell me right away... he told me to turn on the TV first, as if I wouldn't believe him if he'd just said it himself. I stared at the screen in utter disbelief. I was barely coherent, fumbling for the remote while babbling. At the time, Dad was working at the Navy base in Patuxent River, Md., as a fuel tester. They closed up shop as soon as the second plane hit the north tower, and he was already back at the trailer he stayed in down there during the week.
I'd gotten myself together enough to have both the TV and my computer on just to keep up with everything. A couple hours into it, I get an IM from my friend Rob in Texas: "Er... damn." I'm sure my response was something equally light on keystrokes. He was relieved to know that I was all right, and we chatted for about half an hour.
The most incongruent moment of the day (and, given the circumstances, possibly of the entire year) was the UPS guy arriving that afternoon to drop off the computer my dad bought. I don't remember what, if anything, I said to him, if we talked at all about what was happening or what. Fortunately, that and the AIM conversation with Rob sort of snapped me back into reality. A reality in which I had to go to work.
I got a particularly telling sign as I left the house. Our neighborhood then had a lot of families with a lot of young kids. It's after 4 o'clock at this point, and usually you saw and heard them playing outside or riding their bikes or whatever. Today? Nothing. The only thing I saw other than myself was a sprinkler running on the lawn across the street.
I pretty much knew that we in Sports weren't going to be doing anything. The only reason I was heading down there is because I figured the news desk might need us to pitch in in some fashion, with the deluge of stories that was sure to be coming in. Driving down Route 206, and especially after getting on the Atlantic City Expressway, brought on the one thing that I'll never forget from 9/11.
The silence.
The roads were empty. And I don't mean the emptiness that you see when it's late at night and there's no traffic. I mean the roads were completely empty. I don't remember seeing anyone else on the expressway during the trip down or the trip back. Remember what a beautiful and peaceful day it actually was in the Mid-Atlantic before 9 a.m.! I had EZPass; I didn't even stop at the toll booth.
I got to work just as Seven collapsed and found out I was right. Sports was relegated to three pages at the back of the Region section. I just read a couple of national stories, helped gather all the information on the high school events being postponed, and went back home. Again, nothing but silence outside.
I got home and didn't turn the TV back on. I'd taken in too much. I mean... who processes this? Instead I went back up to my room and put this song on loop.
It ended up being my informal Song of the Year for 2001. It might have been anyway, but...
Many people will remember the shock of seeing the images of the planes crashing, the Twin Towers burning.
Me? I'll never forget the eerie silence.
God willing, the world will never be that quiet again.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Fearful Forecast 2011
FEARFUL FORECAST 2011
NFC EAST
(2) Philadelphia — The talk of the league after exceeding expectations last year, followed by an offseason spending blitz designed to fix some large holes in the defense, including becoming the somewhat surprising winner of the Nnamdi Asomugah sweepstakes. They've also hitched their wagon to Michael Vick for the foreseeable future, a development that absolutely no one would have predicted three years ago. But offensive line questions abound and may be the only thing holding them back if those questions don't get answered.
Dallas — In the recent past, the Cowboys have managed to choke on their own Super Bowl aspirations, and the year they won the division and a playoff game was the year that pundits had grown tired of their chronic underachieving. Which makes them hard to judge, since those expectations have been somewhat tempered, but they did play better when Jason Garrett took over midseason.
N.Y. Giants — Another late-season collapse ruined another season, yet Tom Coughlin gets an extension. Then they lost several key players through release (they turned over their offensive line but arguably made it worse), departure (they'll miss Steve Smith 2.0 more than everyone thinks) or disgruntlement (Oh, Osi) and saw several others get hurt in the preseason. Eli still gives them a fighting chance, especially if he cuts down on the turnovers, but I'm not optimistic and I worry about their collective psyche.
Washington — Arguably their biggest win of the year was getting an actual tangible asset for Albert Haynesworth, and ceding the title of "D.C.'s Most Overpaid Professional Athlete" to Jayson Werth in the process. This team was in shambles at the end of last season, with too many holes to fill in an abbreviated offseason, though they did avoid the monumentally stupid moves they were known for making under Daniel Snyder's ownership. Until they named Rex Grossman the starting QB, that is.
NFC NORTH
(1) Green Bay —The Packers were cut to pieces by injuries last season and still won the Super Bowl, a testament to how much talent they still had. With most of those players coming back, making the depth charts even deeper, there's little reason to expect any significant dropoff. A trip back to the Super Bowl is highly likely.
(5) Detroit — A trendy playoff pick, and for good reason: The Lions seem to finally have a plan and played better at the end of last season, winning a truly ugly game over the Packers and sending another longtime foe to the retirement home for good. Now if they can just keep Matthew Stafford upright...
Chicago — The Bears improved the least of the NFC North teams, as they seemed to follow the route of bringing in guys nobody else wanted because they aren't any good anymore (Roy Williams, Marion Barber III) or never were (Vernon Gholston). Plus, Jay Cutler's head is in question again after the NFC title game where he may or may not have begged off with a knee injury, and the offensive line, while improved over the second half of last season, remains a work in progress.
Minnesota — But let's say this: Fourth could be 8-8. The collapses of Brett Favre and the Metrodome, respectively, overshadowed the fact that pretty much every Viking of significance had a worse 2010 than 2009. Interestingly, new quarterback Donovan McNabb also fits into this category, and he'll want to prove he still has plenty left in his tank.
NFC SOUTH
(3) New Orleans — Made history in the bad way at the end of the season by losing to the under-.500 Seahawks in the playoffs. (The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways.) The Saints' offense will ensure they're always dangerous, but they'll need the defense to return to its Super Bowl-winning form.
(6) Atlanta — Still licking their wounds after being eviscerated by the Packers in the playoffs, the Falcons made a big draft-day move to get rookie receiver Julio Jones, putting a lot on his shoulders. Free agent DE Ray Edwards will help the pass rush, but given the high-octane offenses they'll face this season, they'll also need their cornerbacks to prove last year wasn't a fluke.
Tampa Bay — Pundits were concerned that the Bucs, who went a shocking 10-6 but missed the playoffs last year, didn't ride the momentum and use their cap room to upgrade at some weak positions. They may take a step back because the two teams above them are still better than them (and, like the Chiefs, they no longer have the element of surprise), but this is a young squad that looks like it's getting better.
Carolina — Ron Rivera gets his first shot at a head coaching job four years after his name was the hottest one out there. Fittingly, he has a rookie, No. 1 overall pick Cam Newton, at quarterback. The Panthers did well to keep the few good players they have in the fold, giving them something to rebuild around. But can Newton succeed at this level?
NFC WEST
(4) St. Louis — Basically by default. Quarterback Sam Bradford was better than some people expected last year, Steven Jackson had another solid season, and Danny Amendola somehow caught 85 passes, having arguably the most unremarkable "very good year" in the history of the sport. Late last year this division seemed to become theirs to lose, and this year there's no reason to think they won't actually win it.
Arizona — The Cardinals gave up a lot to get Kevin Kolb and his seven career starts, but they had to do something after running Derek Anderson, Max Hall and John Skelton out there last season (they'd have gotten equal production out of Louie Anderson, Monty Hall and Red Skelton). Of bigger worry might be the rest of their offense, as Larry Fitzgerald will be facing the same triple-teams that Steve Smith 1.0 is.
San Francisco — The Alex Smith era improbably continues as the Jim Harbaugh one begins
In a nice touch, the 49ers visit Jim's brother John's Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving night.
Seattle — After their surprising, and, some would say, blasphemous playoff appearance last year, the Seahawks seemed to have designs on legitimizing themselves, bringing in ex-Vikings WR Sidney Rice and underrated tight end Zach Miller. Or at least you would have thought that had they not also signed QB Tarvaris Jackson and named him the starter. Now it seems they have designs on Andrew Luck.
AFC EAST
(2) New England — Chad Ochocinco? Albert Haynesworth? It's not like Bill Belichick hasn't taken on other teams' problem children before, but you can legitimately wonder how much Chad has left and if Haynesworth is in any kind of shape to be the dominant force he has been at times. Also, it's unlikely Tom Brady will have the same kind of season he had last year... but it's not impossible. Though it might actually be for the best that he doesn't, as that would mean that the Pats have the balance back that helped them win three Super Bowls last decade.
(6) N.Y. Jets — Another year, another conference title game loss. It seems to me that the Jets are going to have to figure out how to win the division if they want to get to the Super Bowl. Replacing Braylon Edwards with Plaxico Burress was eh. It's the nonexistent pass rush that should concern Jets fans — as good as Darrelle Revis is, he can still only cover one man at a time.
Buffalo — The best hope for Bills fans is that Harvard man Ryan Fitzpatrick throws for over 3,000 yards again. Because the only thing worse than being bad is being boring on top of it, and the Bills haven't been a good team for a decade and that may not change anytime soon.
Miami — Let's see: The owner doesn't want the coach. The coach doesn't want the quarterback. How is this a good situation again? It's not like there isn't talent here (more than the Bills, to be completely honest, and Reggie Bush will help), but this level of dysfunction would make Al Davis either proud or envious. That 11-5 season seems so long ago.
AFC NORTH
(1) Pittsburgh — The Steelers didn't make many significant changes to a team that got to the Super Bowl, and why would you? Although, bad things tend to happen to Super Bowl losers, so we'll see. Still, that trend's been bucked in recent years, and the Steelers are good enough and their schedule easy enough to smash the doomsayers' expectations. Just as long as they don't lead with their helmets.
(5) Baltimore — We could almost put last year's capsule here. Two big question marks: The back of their defense, which still appears to be held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment, and Joe Flacco's inability to play well against the Steelers in the playoffs.
Cleveland — Colt McCoy wasn't supposed to play last year. But Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace were... Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace (and also injured) so the rookie stepped in and was surprisingly not horrible given the absolute dearth of talent around him on both sides of the ball. Steps were taken, but they might be playing a waiting game in Cleveland. Plus, the Madden Curse, of all things, is in play. For the Browns. Think about that for a minute. But not any longer because your stomach will explode.
Cincinnati — Mike Brown called Carson Palmer's bluff. Problem is, Carson Palmer wasn't bluffing. So now rookie Andy Dalton takes the reins of what could be not only the worst team in the league, but also — with Chad gone to New England and T.O. just gone — probably the most boring. Coach Marvin Lewis is probably wishing he'd taken the Pitt job.
AFC SOUTH
(4) Houston — Last year was supposed to be the year, and the fact that we've been saying that three years running now is its own set of problems. What stopped the Texans last year was a truly horrible defense, especially against the pass, so they brought Wade Phillips from upstate Dallas to help fix it. But Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster aside, here are the brass tacks: If it doesn't happen this year, it's not happening until Peyton retires. Speaking OF Peyton...
Indianapolis — ...the lockout really screwed up his neck surgery and recovery as he couldn't work with the team trainers. Of course, it was bad enough that he was coming off neck surgery in the first place. Granted, Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are still around, and they actually spent some money to bring in some defensive help. But make no mistake, Peyton's the key to this whole thing, and if this lingers and Kerry Collins shows he should have stayed retired, this could get ugly fast.
Tennessee — Faced with a choice between Jeff Fisher and Vince Young, owner Bud Adams let them both go, promoting assistant and former Oilers lineman Mike Munchak. Also new is quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who is here to help rookie Jake Locker get ready. Chris Johnson remains one of the league's premier running backs, but their defense was also bad last year and they didn't do a whole lot to make it better.
Jacksonville — Oh boy. They cut would-be starting quarterback David Garrard five days before the opener to save $8 million, then installed Luke McCown as the starter to keep the seat warm for top pick Blaine Gabbert, who I really think is going to be a bust. Coach Jack del Rio is probably wishing he'd taken the USC job.
AFC WEST
(3) San Diego — I'm willing to accept last year as an aberration caused by several contract disputes involving key players, all of which have been resolved in one fashion or another. Expect Philip Rivers to continue to put up numbers as the Chargers return to the top of the division only to promptly stall out in the playoffs, as is their wont.
Kansas City — Last year's surprise division champions no longer have that element working for them, and quarterback Matt Cassel's rib injury... complicates things. But they found a pass rush and added more speed on offense (WR Steve Breaston may end up being the best signing that nobody talked about), which should be enough to stay respectable.
Oakland — Darren McFadden finally had the season Raiders fans have been waiting for. They swept the division but still only went 8-8, sending loser in football and life Tom Cable out the door and kicking offensive coordinator Hue Jackson upstairs, which also means Jason Campbell won't be looking over his shoulder anymore. But they lost their best defensive player and their second-best offensive player, so they'll be fortunate to tread water.
Denver — Josh McDaniels inherited a mediocre team and was fired from a terrible one, so the Broncos brought in John Fox, fresh off helping botch the Panthers' last two seasons, to pick up the too-few pieces. We like ridiculing the Raiders for their seemingly endless parade of boneheaded personnel moves, but the Broncos' record over the last few years is just as bad. (The 2003 and 2007 drafts alone will make you want to curl up into the fetal position.) Though No. 2 overall pick Von Miller should help a beleaguered defense, it's the beginning of a long road back.
WILD CARD ROUND
NFC: Detroit over St. Louis; New Orleans over Atlanta
AFC: N.Y. Jets over San Diego; Baltimore over Houston
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
NFC: Philadelphia over New Orleans; Green Bay over Detroit
AFC: Pittsburgh over Baltimore: New England over N.Y. Jets
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
NFC: Green Bay over Philadelphia
AFC: New England over Pittsburgh
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
Green Bay over New England
NFC EAST
(2) Philadelphia — The talk of the league after exceeding expectations last year, followed by an offseason spending blitz designed to fix some large holes in the defense, including becoming the somewhat surprising winner of the Nnamdi Asomugah sweepstakes. They've also hitched their wagon to Michael Vick for the foreseeable future, a development that absolutely no one would have predicted three years ago. But offensive line questions abound and may be the only thing holding them back if those questions don't get answered.
Dallas — In the recent past, the Cowboys have managed to choke on their own Super Bowl aspirations, and the year they won the division and a playoff game was the year that pundits had grown tired of their chronic underachieving. Which makes them hard to judge, since those expectations have been somewhat tempered, but they did play better when Jason Garrett took over midseason.
N.Y. Giants — Another late-season collapse ruined another season, yet Tom Coughlin gets an extension. Then they lost several key players through release (they turned over their offensive line but arguably made it worse), departure (they'll miss Steve Smith 2.0 more than everyone thinks) or disgruntlement (Oh, Osi) and saw several others get hurt in the preseason. Eli still gives them a fighting chance, especially if he cuts down on the turnovers, but I'm not optimistic and I worry about their collective psyche.
Washington — Arguably their biggest win of the year was getting an actual tangible asset for Albert Haynesworth, and ceding the title of "D.C.'s Most Overpaid Professional Athlete" to Jayson Werth in the process. This team was in shambles at the end of last season, with too many holes to fill in an abbreviated offseason, though they did avoid the monumentally stupid moves they were known for making under Daniel Snyder's ownership. Until they named Rex Grossman the starting QB, that is.
NFC NORTH
(1) Green Bay —The Packers were cut to pieces by injuries last season and still won the Super Bowl, a testament to how much talent they still had. With most of those players coming back, making the depth charts even deeper, there's little reason to expect any significant dropoff. A trip back to the Super Bowl is highly likely.
(5) Detroit — A trendy playoff pick, and for good reason: The Lions seem to finally have a plan and played better at the end of last season, winning a truly ugly game over the Packers and sending another longtime foe to the retirement home for good. Now if they can just keep Matthew Stafford upright...
Chicago — The Bears improved the least of the NFC North teams, as they seemed to follow the route of bringing in guys nobody else wanted because they aren't any good anymore (Roy Williams, Marion Barber III) or never were (Vernon Gholston). Plus, Jay Cutler's head is in question again after the NFC title game where he may or may not have begged off with a knee injury, and the offensive line, while improved over the second half of last season, remains a work in progress.
Minnesota — But let's say this: Fourth could be 8-8. The collapses of Brett Favre and the Metrodome, respectively, overshadowed the fact that pretty much every Viking of significance had a worse 2010 than 2009. Interestingly, new quarterback Donovan McNabb also fits into this category, and he'll want to prove he still has plenty left in his tank.
NFC SOUTH
(3) New Orleans — Made history in the bad way at the end of the season by losing to the under-.500 Seahawks in the playoffs. (The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways.) The Saints' offense will ensure they're always dangerous, but they'll need the defense to return to its Super Bowl-winning form.
(6) Atlanta — Still licking their wounds after being eviscerated by the Packers in the playoffs, the Falcons made a big draft-day move to get rookie receiver Julio Jones, putting a lot on his shoulders. Free agent DE Ray Edwards will help the pass rush, but given the high-octane offenses they'll face this season, they'll also need their cornerbacks to prove last year wasn't a fluke.
Tampa Bay — Pundits were concerned that the Bucs, who went a shocking 10-6 but missed the playoffs last year, didn't ride the momentum and use their cap room to upgrade at some weak positions. They may take a step back because the two teams above them are still better than them (and, like the Chiefs, they no longer have the element of surprise), but this is a young squad that looks like it's getting better.
Carolina — Ron Rivera gets his first shot at a head coaching job four years after his name was the hottest one out there. Fittingly, he has a rookie, No. 1 overall pick Cam Newton, at quarterback. The Panthers did well to keep the few good players they have in the fold, giving them something to rebuild around. But can Newton succeed at this level?
NFC WEST
(4) St. Louis — Basically by default. Quarterback Sam Bradford was better than some people expected last year, Steven Jackson had another solid season, and Danny Amendola somehow caught 85 passes, having arguably the most unremarkable "very good year" in the history of the sport. Late last year this division seemed to become theirs to lose, and this year there's no reason to think they won't actually win it.
Arizona — The Cardinals gave up a lot to get Kevin Kolb and his seven career starts, but they had to do something after running Derek Anderson, Max Hall and John Skelton out there last season (they'd have gotten equal production out of Louie Anderson, Monty Hall and Red Skelton). Of bigger worry might be the rest of their offense, as Larry Fitzgerald will be facing the same triple-teams that Steve Smith 1.0 is.
San Francisco — The Alex Smith era improbably continues as the Jim Harbaugh one begins
In a nice touch, the 49ers visit Jim's brother John's Baltimore Ravens on Thanksgiving night.
Seattle — After their surprising, and, some would say, blasphemous playoff appearance last year, the Seahawks seemed to have designs on legitimizing themselves, bringing in ex-Vikings WR Sidney Rice and underrated tight end Zach Miller. Or at least you would have thought that had they not also signed QB Tarvaris Jackson and named him the starter. Now it seems they have designs on Andrew Luck.
AFC EAST
(2) New England — Chad Ochocinco? Albert Haynesworth? It's not like Bill Belichick hasn't taken on other teams' problem children before, but you can legitimately wonder how much Chad has left and if Haynesworth is in any kind of shape to be the dominant force he has been at times. Also, it's unlikely Tom Brady will have the same kind of season he had last year... but it's not impossible. Though it might actually be for the best that he doesn't, as that would mean that the Pats have the balance back that helped them win three Super Bowls last decade.
(6) N.Y. Jets — Another year, another conference title game loss. It seems to me that the Jets are going to have to figure out how to win the division if they want to get to the Super Bowl. Replacing Braylon Edwards with Plaxico Burress was eh. It's the nonexistent pass rush that should concern Jets fans — as good as Darrelle Revis is, he can still only cover one man at a time.
Buffalo — The best hope for Bills fans is that Harvard man Ryan Fitzpatrick throws for over 3,000 yards again. Because the only thing worse than being bad is being boring on top of it, and the Bills haven't been a good team for a decade and that may not change anytime soon.
Miami — Let's see: The owner doesn't want the coach. The coach doesn't want the quarterback. How is this a good situation again? It's not like there isn't talent here (more than the Bills, to be completely honest, and Reggie Bush will help), but this level of dysfunction would make Al Davis either proud or envious. That 11-5 season seems so long ago.
AFC NORTH
(1) Pittsburgh — The Steelers didn't make many significant changes to a team that got to the Super Bowl, and why would you? Although, bad things tend to happen to Super Bowl losers, so we'll see. Still, that trend's been bucked in recent years, and the Steelers are good enough and their schedule easy enough to smash the doomsayers' expectations. Just as long as they don't lead with their helmets.
(5) Baltimore — We could almost put last year's capsule here. Two big question marks: The back of their defense, which still appears to be held together with duct tape and cheap rope at the moment, and Joe Flacco's inability to play well against the Steelers in the playoffs.
Cleveland — Colt McCoy wasn't supposed to play last year. But Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace were... Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace (and also injured) so the rookie stepped in and was surprisingly not horrible given the absolute dearth of talent around him on both sides of the ball. Steps were taken, but they might be playing a waiting game in Cleveland. Plus, the Madden Curse, of all things, is in play. For the Browns. Think about that for a minute. But not any longer because your stomach will explode.
Cincinnati — Mike Brown called Carson Palmer's bluff. Problem is, Carson Palmer wasn't bluffing. So now rookie Andy Dalton takes the reins of what could be not only the worst team in the league, but also — with Chad gone to New England and T.O. just gone — probably the most boring. Coach Marvin Lewis is probably wishing he'd taken the Pitt job.
AFC SOUTH
(4) Houston — Last year was supposed to be the year, and the fact that we've been saying that three years running now is its own set of problems. What stopped the Texans last year was a truly horrible defense, especially against the pass, so they brought Wade Phillips from upstate Dallas to help fix it. But Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster aside, here are the brass tacks: If it doesn't happen this year, it's not happening until Peyton retires. Speaking OF Peyton...
Indianapolis — ...the lockout really screwed up his neck surgery and recovery as he couldn't work with the team trainers. Of course, it was bad enough that he was coming off neck surgery in the first place. Granted, Reggie Wayne and Dallas Clark are still around, and they actually spent some money to bring in some defensive help. But make no mistake, Peyton's the key to this whole thing, and if this lingers and Kerry Collins shows he should have stayed retired, this could get ugly fast.
Tennessee — Faced with a choice between Jeff Fisher and Vince Young, owner Bud Adams let them both go, promoting assistant and former Oilers lineman Mike Munchak. Also new is quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, who is here to help rookie Jake Locker get ready. Chris Johnson remains one of the league's premier running backs, but their defense was also bad last year and they didn't do a whole lot to make it better.
Jacksonville — Oh boy. They cut would-be starting quarterback David Garrard five days before the opener to save $8 million, then installed Luke McCown as the starter to keep the seat warm for top pick Blaine Gabbert, who I really think is going to be a bust. Coach Jack del Rio is probably wishing he'd taken the USC job.
AFC WEST
(3) San Diego — I'm willing to accept last year as an aberration caused by several contract disputes involving key players, all of which have been resolved in one fashion or another. Expect Philip Rivers to continue to put up numbers as the Chargers return to the top of the division only to promptly stall out in the playoffs, as is their wont.
Kansas City — Last year's surprise division champions no longer have that element working for them, and quarterback Matt Cassel's rib injury... complicates things. But they found a pass rush and added more speed on offense (WR Steve Breaston may end up being the best signing that nobody talked about), which should be enough to stay respectable.
Oakland — Darren McFadden finally had the season Raiders fans have been waiting for. They swept the division but still only went 8-8, sending loser in football and life Tom Cable out the door and kicking offensive coordinator Hue Jackson upstairs, which also means Jason Campbell won't be looking over his shoulder anymore. But they lost their best defensive player and their second-best offensive player, so they'll be fortunate to tread water.
Denver — Josh McDaniels inherited a mediocre team and was fired from a terrible one, so the Broncos brought in John Fox, fresh off helping botch the Panthers' last two seasons, to pick up the too-few pieces. We like ridiculing the Raiders for their seemingly endless parade of boneheaded personnel moves, but the Broncos' record over the last few years is just as bad. (The 2003 and 2007 drafts alone will make you want to curl up into the fetal position.) Though No. 2 overall pick Von Miller should help a beleaguered defense, it's the beginning of a long road back.
WILD CARD ROUND
NFC: Detroit over St. Louis; New Orleans over Atlanta
AFC: N.Y. Jets over San Diego; Baltimore over Houston
DIVISIONAL PLAYOFFS
NFC: Philadelphia over New Orleans; Green Bay over Detroit
AFC: Pittsburgh over Baltimore: New England over N.Y. Jets
CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
NFC: Green Bay over Philadelphia
AFC: New England over Pittsburgh
SUPER BOWL WHATEVER
Green Bay over New England
Thursday, August 11, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: The Cliffhanger
The post right underneath this one says that the rest of last year's postseason will be posted when the lockout ends. Well, the lockout's over. And since I am a man of my word, here it is.
(My file for the conference title games got corrupted and I both can't and don't really want to reconstruct the whole thing almost from scratch. All you need to know is that Todd Collins took meaningful snaps in a conference championship game in 2011 and that Mark Brunell almost did. And I don't think I need to tell you who they played for and what happened to them.)
Onward.
Last time, in the National... Football League:
And it's time for the Reading of the Historical Document. I didn't get this last time, either.
Big D, Big D, big city, big dreams...
No shot we kick off at 6:29. None WHATSOEVER. Christina might still be singing at 6:29.
Did she just repeat the 'twilight's last gleaming' line?
I'm just going to assume we're getting a Fast 5 trailer at some point tonight.
Nice tie, Deion.
No full-body motion chyrons this year? I'm disappointed.
A muffed punt! We got us a situation here. Whose ball is it? Somebody fall on it! Packers hang on to it.
That pass needs to be caught, Jordy.
Not sure I would have thrown it there (and Mendenhall was apparently open)
Nice work by Rodgers to avoid the rush and find Jackson.
GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Nelson catches basically the same pass he dropped on the first drive.
Bryant McFadden's hurt for the Steelers. That could be bad.
And that could be worse. And it is. Touchdown Nick Collins.
Yep. Ben was hit as he threw it and it hung up there. Collins just had to find it and make sure he caught it.
Now Flozell is down for Pittsburgh? They're out of offensive linemen, aren't they? Seriously, wasn't Nagursky the last guy they had left?
Good omen for GB: No team has ever lost a Super Bowl in which they've returned an interception for a touchdown.
Field goal Steelers. They needed something.
Jarret Bush? Really? Why is Jarret Bush playing in the Super Bowl?
And Rodgers comes back with a laser. If Ryan Clark's a second later, he either knocks that ball down or collides with Polamalu.
Now Woodson's out? That makes what, half the Packers' remaining roster?
Nice misdirection by Ward in the end zone to turn that defender around. Steelers got the touchdown they needed.
I gotta tell you, this is the first Domino's pizza I've had in years, and it's the best Domino's I've ever had by an almost immeasurable margin.
Countdown Live: "Is Fergie wearing shoulder pads? She should stay on the field after halftime. Pack might need her in the defensive backfield."
Ah, there's Usher. I'd heard rumors.
Woodson OUT. That's BAD news for the Pack.
This start isn't much better. Two straight penalties?
Hey, the Steelers ran to the left for once.
Touchdown. We got us a game.
Time out? What?
Why am I seeing a guy named Zombo so much? He just got a big sack, though.
Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. Though it's not like the Steelers had much choice — it's 4th and 15. You're not going for it in that spot.
Another time out? Is Mike Martz coaching the Steelers?
Brett Swain? Who is Brett Swain? Is he the Packers' Blair White? Oh, he's replacing Donald Driver, who will also not be returning to this game.
So the Packers are challenging this... why? Wouldn't it be Steelers' ball if it's a catch and fumble? Because that's what it would end up being, wouldn't it?
Fumble! If the Packers turn this into points that might be it. And you can't even really blame that one on Mendenhall — he had it secure and just got crumpled by Matthews and Pickett.
Packers receivers continuing to do their best Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl impression.
Is this a career game for Jordy Nelson? And who thought Jordy Nelson would have a career game in the Super Bowl?
Touchdown Jennings. And I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage.
Steelers are working the screens on this drive.
And all to set up for THAT. I'M MIKE WALLACE.
Hey, let's go for two. They can do pretty much anything with Randle El out there. That'll work.
Again, I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage. There's no way he's 100 percent, right?
Ohhh, THAT was close. Now the Packers have to kick the FG...
Hottest shoe commercial ever?
Ben hasn't played well tonight but he can erase it all here, and there's certainly precedent for it. (Also, the Steelers could use those two time outs back.)
Bad throw... through Wallace's hands. No contact. Game, set, match.
Brett who? Also, 49ers fans everywhere are sobbing.
"Cheese Stands Alone?" Really, ESPN.com? Really?
(Packers 31, Steelers 25)
(My file for the conference title games got corrupted and I both can't and don't really want to reconstruct the whole thing almost from scratch. All you need to know is that Todd Collins took meaningful snaps in a conference championship game in 2011 and that Mark Brunell almost did. And I don't think I need to tell you who they played for and what happened to them.)
Onward.
Last time, in the National... Football League:
And it's time for the Reading of the Historical Document. I didn't get this last time, either.
Big D, Big D, big city, big dreams...
No shot we kick off at 6:29. None WHATSOEVER. Christina might still be singing at 6:29.
Did she just repeat the 'twilight's last gleaming' line?
I'm just going to assume we're getting a Fast 5 trailer at some point tonight.
Nice tie, Deion.
No full-body motion chyrons this year? I'm disappointed.
A muffed punt! We got us a situation here. Whose ball is it? Somebody fall on it! Packers hang on to it.
That pass needs to be caught, Jordy.
Not sure I would have thrown it there (and Mendenhall was apparently open)
Nice work by Rodgers to avoid the rush and find Jackson.
GOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! Nelson catches basically the same pass he dropped on the first drive.
Bryant McFadden's hurt for the Steelers. That could be bad.
And that could be worse. And it is. Touchdown Nick Collins.
Yep. Ben was hit as he threw it and it hung up there. Collins just had to find it and make sure he caught it.
Now Flozell is down for Pittsburgh? They're out of offensive linemen, aren't they? Seriously, wasn't Nagursky the last guy they had left?
Good omen for GB: No team has ever lost a Super Bowl in which they've returned an interception for a touchdown.
Field goal Steelers. They needed something.
Jarret Bush? Really? Why is Jarret Bush playing in the Super Bowl?
And Rodgers comes back with a laser. If Ryan Clark's a second later, he either knocks that ball down or collides with Polamalu.
Now Woodson's out? That makes what, half the Packers' remaining roster?
Nice misdirection by Ward in the end zone to turn that defender around. Steelers got the touchdown they needed.
I gotta tell you, this is the first Domino's pizza I've had in years, and it's the best Domino's I've ever had by an almost immeasurable margin.
Countdown Live: "Is Fergie wearing shoulder pads? She should stay on the field after halftime. Pack might need her in the defensive backfield."
Ah, there's Usher. I'd heard rumors.
Woodson OUT. That's BAD news for the Pack.
This start isn't much better. Two straight penalties?
Hey, the Steelers ran to the left for once.
Touchdown. We got us a game.
Time out? What?
Why am I seeing a guy named Zombo so much? He just got a big sack, though.
Ladies and gentlemen... Shaun Suisham. Though it's not like the Steelers had much choice — it's 4th and 15. You're not going for it in that spot.
Another time out? Is Mike Martz coaching the Steelers?
Brett Swain? Who is Brett Swain? Is he the Packers' Blair White? Oh, he's replacing Donald Driver, who will also not be returning to this game.
So the Packers are challenging this... why? Wouldn't it be Steelers' ball if it's a catch and fumble? Because that's what it would end up being, wouldn't it?
Fumble! If the Packers turn this into points that might be it. And you can't even really blame that one on Mendenhall — he had it secure and just got crumpled by Matthews and Pickett.
Packers receivers continuing to do their best Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl impression.
Is this a career game for Jordy Nelson? And who thought Jordy Nelson would have a career game in the Super Bowl?
Touchdown Jennings. And I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage.
Steelers are working the screens on this drive.
And all to set up for THAT. I'M MIKE WALLACE.
Hey, let's go for two. They can do pretty much anything with Randle El out there. That'll work.
Again, I don't think I've ever seen Polamalu look that bad in coverage. There's no way he's 100 percent, right?
Ohhh, THAT was close. Now the Packers have to kick the FG...
Hottest shoe commercial ever?
Ben hasn't played well tonight but he can erase it all here, and there's certainly precedent for it. (Also, the Steelers could use those two time outs back.)
Bad throw... through Wallace's hands. No contact. Game, set, match.
Brett who? Also, 49ers fans everywhere are sobbing.
"Cheese Stands Alone?" Really, ESPN.com? Really?
(Packers 31, Steelers 25)
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Back In Line
*moves boxes * *blows dust off* Hey, it still works.
Let's talk some baseball! (Oh, and we'll ignore that I have not yet posted my recaps for the NFL conference title games and Super Bowl. Those will come when the lockout ends. And not a second sooner.) Specifically, let's talk the latest rumblings of realigning MLB's teams.
This comes up occasionally, and has again during talks between the owners and the players' union. Most proposals being made public would move a team from the National League to the American League, creating two 15-team leagues, then doing away with the divisions entirely.
I'm not against realignment. But there's no need to overdo it. And two 15-team leagues - especially based on geography - is overdoing it. Mostly because there's no need to change it up that radically just for its own sake. But the explanations I've been reading, while they seem to stress that they don't want to change it just to change it,
The biggest problem is it makes scheduling an absolute nightmare, since by necessity, you're going to have an interleague game pretty much every day every team plays, and if you thought the complaining about how teams' interleague schedules vary dramatically was loud now, how'd you like to be the team playing an interleague game on the last day of the regular season?
The plan would also come with another expansion of the playoffs, possibly to 10 teams (5 per league). That creates its own set of problems, such as who plays who, when, and for how many games? Remember, MLB added the wild-card team when it went to three divisions in 1994 so that nobody would have a bye and have to sit and wait. That's unavoidable with five playoff teams per league.
Also, some of the motivation behind this seems to be based on the statement that "it isn't fair that the other AL East teams have to compete with the Red Sox and Yankees' payrolls" (Olney's article specifically mentions this), which is slowly becoming a sad, tired cop-out. The only thing an astronomical payroll guarantees you in baseball is the ability to shrug off an expensive mistake. (The Yankees, in particular, made a ton of these during the '00s. There's a reason they only won one World Series last decade.) You want a league where team prestige and money not only guarantee, but bring championships? In the 82-year history of La Liga, top-level soccer in Spain, nine teams have won the league title. Real Madrid and Barcelona have won it a total of 52 times.
So if you're reading this, you know that I wouldn't be going on about this if I didn't have my own idea. I think this is a case where turning back the clock might, for once, be beneficial to baseball in solving this problem. I say we go back to two divisions (and nobody has to switch leagues!):
NL East: Philadelphia, N.Y. Mets, Washington, Florida, Cincinnati (how the Reds ended up in the NL West when MLB went to divisions in 1969 is both before my time and beyond my comprehension), Atlanta, Milwaukee (I was trying to figure out how to keep the Cardinals and Cubs in the same division until I remembered the Brewers are in the NL), Pittsburgh
NL West: St. Louis, Chicago Cubs, Houston, Arizona, San Francisco, San Diego, L.A. Dodgers, Colorado
AL East: N.Y. Yankees, Boston, Toronto, Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Cleveland, Detroit
AL West: Chicago White Sox, Minnesota, Kansas City, Texas, L.A. Angels, Seattle, Oakland
Top two teams make the playoffs, keeping it at eight. Any more and you start running into the problems with byes and all that that I mentioned earlier. The division winners face the second-place teams from the other division, which will make the owners happy that they won't lose any playoff games.
I'd scale interleague play back to four series, played during the weeks of Memorial Day and the Fourth of July instead of the seemingly random times they occur now. (Look, unless you're in Cleveland, the Pirates coming to town isn't going to draw any differently on May 27 than on June 27.) Each team would be designated a rival from the other league and play a home-and-home series. The other opponent would be the team from the other league's division that finished in the same position the previous season. I admittedly haven't thought through what happens if it's the same team. Probably nothing, actually. Feel free to offer suggestions/tweaks/etc.
This isn't difficult, Major League Baseball. Don't screw it up.
----------------
Listening to: Outkast - Hey Ya
via FoxyTunes
Let's talk some baseball! (Oh, and we'll ignore that I have not yet posted my recaps for the NFL conference title games and Super Bowl. Those will come when the lockout ends. And not a second sooner.) Specifically, let's talk the latest rumblings of realigning MLB's teams.
This comes up occasionally, and has again during talks between the owners and the players' union. Most proposals being made public would move a team from the National League to the American League, creating two 15-team leagues, then doing away with the divisions entirely.
I'm not against realignment. But there's no need to overdo it. And two 15-team leagues - especially based on geography - is overdoing it. Mostly because there's no need to change it up that radically just for its own sake. But the explanations I've been reading, while they seem to stress that they don't want to change it just to change it,
The biggest problem is it makes scheduling an absolute nightmare, since by necessity, you're going to have an interleague game pretty much every day every team plays, and if you thought the complaining about how teams' interleague schedules vary dramatically was loud now, how'd you like to be the team playing an interleague game on the last day of the regular season?
The plan would also come with another expansion of the playoffs, possibly to 10 teams (5 per league). That creates its own set of problems, such as who plays who, when, and for how many games? Remember, MLB added the wild-card team when it went to three divisions in 1994 so that nobody would have a bye and have to sit and wait. That's unavoidable with five playoff teams per league.
Also, some of the motivation behind this seems to be based on the statement that "it isn't fair that the other AL East teams have to compete with the Red Sox and Yankees' payrolls" (Olney's article specifically mentions this), which is slowly becoming a sad, tired cop-out. The only thing an astronomical payroll guarantees you in baseball is the ability to shrug off an expensive mistake. (The Yankees, in particular, made a ton of these during the '00s. There's a reason they only won one World Series last decade.) You want a league where team prestige and money not only guarantee, but bring championships? In the 82-year history of La Liga, top-level soccer in Spain, nine teams have won the league title. Real Madrid and Barcelona have won it a total of 52 times.
So if you're reading this, you know that I wouldn't be going on about this if I didn't have my own idea. I think this is a case where turning back the clock might, for once, be beneficial to baseball in solving this problem. I say we go back to two divisions (and nobody has to switch leagues!):
NL East: Philadelphia, N.Y. Mets, Washington, Florida, Cincinnati (how the Reds ended up in the NL West when MLB went to divisions in 1969 is both before my time and beyond my comprehension), Atlanta, Milwaukee (I was trying to figure out how to keep the Cardinals and Cubs in the same division until I remembered the Brewers are in the NL), Pittsburgh
NL West: St. Louis, Chicago Cubs, Houston, Arizona, San Francisco, San Diego, L.A. Dodgers, Colorado
AL East: N.Y. Yankees, Boston, Toronto, Baltimore, Tampa Bay, Cleveland, Detroit
AL West: Chicago White Sox, Minnesota, Kansas City, Texas, L.A. Angels, Seattle, Oakland
Top two teams make the playoffs, keeping it at eight. Any more and you start running into the problems with byes and all that that I mentioned earlier. The division winners face the second-place teams from the other division, which will make the owners happy that they won't lose any playoff games.
I'd scale interleague play back to four series, played during the weeks of Memorial Day and the Fourth of July instead of the seemingly random times they occur now. (Look, unless you're in Cleveland, the Pirates coming to town isn't going to draw any differently on May 27 than on June 27.) Each team would be designated a rival from the other league and play a home-and-home series. The other opponent would be the team from the other league's division that finished in the same position the previous season. I admittedly haven't thought through what happens if it's the same team. Probably nothing, actually. Feel free to offer suggestions/tweaks/etc.
This isn't difficult, Major League Baseball. Don't screw it up.
----------------
Listening to: Outkast - Hey Ya
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Aerial Assaults
I don't think I've ever seen a challenge on the opening kickoff before. It worked! And assuming similar play calling by the Ravens (dangerous, I know) that saved the Steelers being down at least three. Between the Ward-Reed dustup on the first series and Ike Taylor headbutting Housh, this game could end in an actual fistfight. I don't like the Ravens throwing this much this early on because there's no need to. Especially when you have Ray Rice, who can do things like that. I'm not sure what the best part of the Cory Redding touchdown was: Everyone standing around for a good 10 seconds before Redding decided, "Hey, let's try something. I'll pick this up," or the delay between Redding getting the ball and starting to run and two of his teammates realizing what was happening and saying to themselves, "We should probably go after him just in case something goes wrong." Let's see these replays. Oh, that's a fumble. Dierdorf's called both turnovers and the challenge on the kickoff so far. It's the end of the first quarter and Tomlin's out of challenges. Who is he, Mike Martz? Polamalu completely whiffing on Rice was bizarre and rare. That was also a fumble and this is not how I expected this game to start. Going for it on 4th and 7? Still, probably better than trusting the notoriously shaky Shaun Suisham. Oh, they are going to kick it. And he MISSES. Figures. Now they absolutely need to score on this opening drive in the third. Or get a turnover immediately afterwards. Nice job punching that ball out, Clark. Aaaand we've got a game again. Interception! Tie game. Flacco has fallen apart — he's completed one pass this quarter and it was fumbled. You know who hasn't fallen apart is Terrell Suggs. Can't say the same for the rest of this defense, though, giving up 17 unanswered. All right, hang on — it's been too long since we've had an illegal block or a hold on a kick return. Yep, there we go. Tied again! But who thought it'd be 24-24 or that we'd get here the way we did? ANTONIO BROWN? REALLY? The Ravens' cornerbacks just got horribly exposed. Again. Seems like it's only a matter of time now. There it is. (Steelers 31, Ravens 24)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Because that's what happens to you if you don't. I have to say, this Falcons secondary? Not really that great. The Packers are doing a little bit of the nickel-and-dime stuff that the Falcons had a lot of success with at times, but they're using a lot more shotgun than the Falcons normally do. SPECIAL TEAMS. It looked like Weems got exactly one block. The Packers are just relentlessly picking on this Owens kid. And he just got flagged to wipe out a third-down sack. B.J. Raji in the backfield? I think they're going to run. Good luck stopping it. Jenkins slipped? Can you have wet turf indoors? James Jones making up for last week there. Pick six! I understand why the Falcons went for it but that throw was Doomed To Failure. Chew on this: Tramon Williams is solely responsible for at least a 24-point swing in the span of about three minutes. He's not a Pro Bowler why again? Starks is running better here in the second half and the Falcons look absolutely shellshocked. The Falcons having all these free pass rushers and not getting to Rodgers reminds me of Mike Mamula's entire career. Kuuuuuuuuhn. This has officially gotten out of hand now. I don't see a grand comeback here. Crosby clanging that field goal off the upright is the third thing the Packers did wrong tonight. Put in Flynn! This one's gonna sting for a bit. (Packers 48, Falcons 21)
Greg Olsen! You should tell your offensive coordinator to call more plays for you because you're probably the best pass-catcher the Bears have. Oh no. How did John Carlson land on his head? This is not the same Seahawks team we saw last week. Nice work, Jon Ryan — a bad punt right to Hester, who brings it back to midfield. Cutler's making this look easy. Conversely, the Seahawks are making this look very difficult. At least the snow's slowed down somewhat. Cutler has wheels? Oh boy. I feel like we're officially at the point now where the quarterback who just stands in the pocket like a statue is an old-time relic along with the single-bar face mask. Hey, a field goal! At least they won't get shut out. I thought the bears had called off the dogs but they just hit a 40-yard touchdown pass on 3rd and 1 with seven minutes left. These Seahawk scores will look nice on the stat sheet but that's about it. Not that it matters but why not kick a field goal there? Again, not that it matters. Just a curious decision. Butch: "This epidemic is so bad in the last 36 hours Ravens, Falcons and Seahawks have fallen out of the sky." (Bears 35, Seahawks 24)
It's astounding to me how quickly and decisively the Jets have usurped the title of "most despised team in football" from the Patriots and the Cowboys. No pregame fight? Shocking. What was that, Brady? Absolutely terrible throw. It looked like a shot put. So naturally the Jets come out and lose eight yards on their first two plays. There's the Nick Folk we know and love. Alge Crumpler not only still being alive, but somehow turning up in New England stunned me. How did he miss that one? He's clearly lost his touch. LDT, however, hasn't. If anyone's been more tormented by the Patriots in the playoffs during this run than LaDanian Tomlinson, I'd like to know who it is. Even Peyton beat them eventually. That's the second straight punt the Jets punter has dropped right into the end zone from inside Patriots' territory. Maybe the Jets should just start going for it. Wha... what was that? Did the Patriots really call a fake punt with 1:15 left in the half from their OWN 38? Absolutely terrible. Edwards towing two Patriots into the end zone was pretty neat. Going to the no-huddle late in the third quarter seems to have finally energized the Pats' offense. Who thought Rob Gronkowski would end up being the Pats' best deep threat in this game? Crumpler got that one. "Do something differently," Phil? The Patriots have been running that direct snap for years. Bomb to Cotchery! Holmes didn't catch that, did he? Did he get his feet down? Oh, there's the knee hitting. The Patriots need two scores and have already run the ball three times on this drive. The Pats fans are booing the playcalling, and rightly so. Andy Reid's watching this and wondering, "What's taking them so long?" Why are you talking smack, Deion Branch? You're down 10 in the fourth quarter at home and have wasted about four minutes on this drive. And then you dropped a fourth-down pass that went through your hands. Now Reid's saying to himself, "At least we eventually scored when we did that." That might be it, folks. Well, wait, the Patriots got a stop. Oh, now you decide to do nothing but pass? And only get a field goal out of it? Smooth. Onside kick. Cromartie picks it up and returns it to the 25-yard line? That was more than a little risky. Touchdown Jets! That's it! I never thought I'd say this about Rex Ryan, but he was way too modest after the game — he completely outcoached Belichick. Of course, Belichick hasn't coached a game this badly since he was in Cleveland. (Jets 28, Patriots 21)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Because that's what happens to you if you don't. I have to say, this Falcons secondary? Not really that great. The Packers are doing a little bit of the nickel-and-dime stuff that the Falcons had a lot of success with at times, but they're using a lot more shotgun than the Falcons normally do. SPECIAL TEAMS. It looked like Weems got exactly one block. The Packers are just relentlessly picking on this Owens kid. And he just got flagged to wipe out a third-down sack. B.J. Raji in the backfield? I think they're going to run. Good luck stopping it. Jenkins slipped? Can you have wet turf indoors? James Jones making up for last week there. Pick six! I understand why the Falcons went for it but that throw was Doomed To Failure. Chew on this: Tramon Williams is solely responsible for at least a 24-point swing in the span of about three minutes. He's not a Pro Bowler why again? Starks is running better here in the second half and the Falcons look absolutely shellshocked. The Falcons having all these free pass rushers and not getting to Rodgers reminds me of Mike Mamula's entire career. Kuuuuuuuuhn. This has officially gotten out of hand now. I don't see a grand comeback here. Crosby clanging that field goal off the upright is the third thing the Packers did wrong tonight. Put in Flynn! This one's gonna sting for a bit. (Packers 48, Falcons 21)
Greg Olsen! You should tell your offensive coordinator to call more plays for you because you're probably the best pass-catcher the Bears have. Oh no. How did John Carlson land on his head? This is not the same Seahawks team we saw last week. Nice work, Jon Ryan — a bad punt right to Hester, who brings it back to midfield. Cutler's making this look easy. Conversely, the Seahawks are making this look very difficult. At least the snow's slowed down somewhat. Cutler has wheels? Oh boy. I feel like we're officially at the point now where the quarterback who just stands in the pocket like a statue is an old-time relic along with the single-bar face mask. Hey, a field goal! At least they won't get shut out. I thought the bears had called off the dogs but they just hit a 40-yard touchdown pass on 3rd and 1 with seven minutes left. These Seahawk scores will look nice on the stat sheet but that's about it. Not that it matters but why not kick a field goal there? Again, not that it matters. Just a curious decision. Butch: "This epidemic is so bad in the last 36 hours Ravens, Falcons and Seahawks have fallen out of the sky." (Bears 35, Seahawks 24)
It's astounding to me how quickly and decisively the Jets have usurped the title of "most despised team in football" from the Patriots and the Cowboys. No pregame fight? Shocking. What was that, Brady? Absolutely terrible throw. It looked like a shot put. So naturally the Jets come out and lose eight yards on their first two plays. There's the Nick Folk we know and love. Alge Crumpler not only still being alive, but somehow turning up in New England stunned me. How did he miss that one? He's clearly lost his touch. LDT, however, hasn't. If anyone's been more tormented by the Patriots in the playoffs during this run than LaDanian Tomlinson, I'd like to know who it is. Even Peyton beat them eventually. That's the second straight punt the Jets punter has dropped right into the end zone from inside Patriots' territory. Maybe the Jets should just start going for it. Wha... what was that? Did the Patriots really call a fake punt with 1:15 left in the half from their OWN 38? Absolutely terrible. Edwards towing two Patriots into the end zone was pretty neat. Going to the no-huddle late in the third quarter seems to have finally energized the Pats' offense. Who thought Rob Gronkowski would end up being the Pats' best deep threat in this game? Crumpler got that one. "Do something differently," Phil? The Patriots have been running that direct snap for years. Bomb to Cotchery! Holmes didn't catch that, did he? Did he get his feet down? Oh, there's the knee hitting. The Patriots need two scores and have already run the ball three times on this drive. The Pats fans are booing the playcalling, and rightly so. Andy Reid's watching this and wondering, "What's taking them so long?" Why are you talking smack, Deion Branch? You're down 10 in the fourth quarter at home and have wasted about four minutes on this drive. And then you dropped a fourth-down pass that went through your hands. Now Reid's saying to himself, "At least we eventually scored when we did that." That might be it, folks. Well, wait, the Patriots got a stop. Oh, now you decide to do nothing but pass? And only get a field goal out of it? Smooth. Onside kick. Cromartie picks it up and returns it to the 25-yard line? That was more than a little risky. Touchdown Jets! That's it! I never thought I'd say this about Rex Ryan, but he was way too modest after the game — he completely outcoached Belichick. Of course, Belichick hasn't coached a game this badly since he was in Cleveland. (Jets 28, Patriots 21)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Road Cooking
If this were a regular season game, Ron Pitts and John Lynch would be calling it. I mean, it's hard to bury a playoff game but NBC almost did it. There's an inauspicious beginning. The Seahawks were fortunate to only give up three there — they can thank Bush for that drop. Tipped pass gets picked? It's getting worse. Lawyer Milloy's still alive? This is a key sequence for the Seahawks because every game they've lost this season they've lost big and ugly, and they need to get something here to stay in this one. Julius Jones? Julius Jones, making Seahawks fans everywhere hate him even more. Poor Roman Harper. First getting run down by Sam Bradford and now this. Again John Carlson gets wide open — the Saints cover tight ends like the Eagles. Brandon Stokley's still alive? Are... are the Seahawks ahead? At halftime? It's only four points; this can't last. Well, now it's 11 points. The Saints have become completely one-dimensional here on offense and they've been nothing short of awful on defense. My God this stadium is loud. Where is Bush, anyway? Bad unnecessary roughness penalty on Clemons. You can't make it easy for the Saints at this point in the game — two touchdowns is nothing to these guys. Julius Jones scores again. Three straight passes, Seahawks? Here's where the Saints having almost no running game really works against them: Thomas or Ivory gets a touchdown there instead of having to kick a 21-yard field goal. O. M. G. That's what Marshawn Lynch calls BEAST MODE, which in my mind's eye looks something like this:
Seriously, that may be the greatest thing he's ever done. Tracy Porter took that stiff-arm like he was a door flying off an exploding car. I'm trying to decide what's more impressive: the 60 pass attempts for Brees or the zero interceptions. This isn't over yet! Really, Sean Payton? A two-point conversion try to stay in a playoff game and you send an ice-cold DeShawn Wynn up the middle? THE KINGS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE... well, let's not get carried away. Even though the Seahawks played their best game in about three years (and the Saints arguably their worst), we all know the real reason they won:
The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways. (Seahawks 41, Saints 36)
THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL. Rex should probably see a professional about that. Let's remember also that the Colts were the No. 3 seed when they won their last Super Bowl. Hey, they got across midfield. There's a development. GARCON! Sanchez should stop throwing to Dustin Keller... it has yet to end well. Aaaand there's an interception in the end zone on another try to Keller to end the half. What a waste that was. At least they get the ball to start the second half. There you go, Keller. If anyone knows anything about beating the Colts in the playoffs, it's LDT. Is Reggie Wayne being triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called all night. (Aside: Wayne was one of the candidates for the Madden 11 cover. Had he won, we would have had the Super Bowl loser on the Madden cover and there's a non-zero chance he'd be dead right now.) Were there really only three possessions in the third quarter? There's Tomlinson again. Ooooh, Peyton and Blair White (?!) couldn't connect and that would have given them a chance to ice it. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. So do real kickoff returners — that was big. Why did the Colts call time out? Did you see Peyton's face when they announced it? He looked like someone had just told him the Earth was flat. Seriously, why did they do that? That just gave the Jets more time to get closer for a kick that Nick Folk can actually make. I've been hard on Braylon in the past but he's actually had a good year not dropping the football. Nick Folk... does real kicker things? (Jets 17, Colts 16)
Ah, Arrowhead. It's been too long. Eric Berry's already flying all around the field. Ray Rice's absence on that third and goal from the 1-foot line was... odd. There's a fumble and Flacco just has to do a better job protecting the ball. This defense isn't catching Jamaal Charles. From what little I've seen from the Chiefs these days, the biggest differences between this year and last are not only vastly improved team speed (I remember remarking how slow they were when they played the Eagles and Giants on back-to-back weeks last year) and the light going on for a few other guys. OK, there's Rice. Todd Heap has been running wild in this game. Chiefs are going for it here? Fourth and one and you call a toss play? Really? No wonder Charlie Weis is leaving. This is starting to get out of hand. Terrible interception by Cassel and that might be the end of it. His arm is coming forward. The Arrowhead PA is playing "Tell Me Something Good" during the challenge. It worked! At least something did. Kevin Curtis is still alive? I mean, not that it matters, but it's nice to know in the end. (Ravens 30, Chiefs 7)
This feels... familiar. Well, at least it did up until Akers... missed the field goal? That doesn't happen. Tom Crabtree? Who is Tom Crabtree? And along the same lines, when did the Packers finally find a running game? This could be dangerous if this keeps up. Did McCoy roll onto DeSean's leg? Oh boy. And here's another unsettling development: The Packers are continuing to run the ball. Why were they wasting their time with Brandon Jackson all year with this Starks guy sitting in cold storage? Also, what's with all the drops? James Jones could have ended this game before halftime if he'd hung on to that one. It looks like Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl out there. FUMBLE. Michael Vick throws darts. We've got a game finally. Speaking of Brandon Jackson, that was a good job by him on the touchdown to not get tackled while waiting for his blockers to catch up. Akers missed AGAIN?! That's a bad omen. Is Starks the new Antowain Smith? Seriously. Go for it! You've got no choice now! When all else fails, run the sneak with Vick. Go for two! Yes! Wait, what? He stepped out of bounds? Oh, Celek. It really hasn't been a good year at all, has it. Wait... why are they lining up again? What just happened here? (Seriously, I missed the explanation for this, so if anyone's got it, I'd be much obliged.) Vick's limping again. Oh man, if Kolb has to come in, that would just complete the circle, wouldn't it? Oh, this doesn't look good... and it ends just like that. Look, I had the Eagles 8-8 at best and finishing last. This is gravy. Well, garlic butter, as I've never been a gravy fan. But you see my point. (Packers 21, Eagles 16)
Seriously, that may be the greatest thing he's ever done. Tracy Porter took that stiff-arm like he was a door flying off an exploding car. I'm trying to decide what's more impressive: the 60 pass attempts for Brees or the zero interceptions. This isn't over yet! Really, Sean Payton? A two-point conversion try to stay in a playoff game and you send an ice-cold DeShawn Wynn up the middle? THE KINGS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE... well, let's not get carried away. Even though the Seahawks played their best game in about three years (and the Saints arguably their worst), we all know the real reason they won:
The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways. (Seahawks 41, Saints 36)THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL. Rex should probably see a professional about that. Let's remember also that the Colts were the No. 3 seed when they won their last Super Bowl. Hey, they got across midfield. There's a development. GARCON! Sanchez should stop throwing to Dustin Keller... it has yet to end well. Aaaand there's an interception in the end zone on another try to Keller to end the half. What a waste that was. At least they get the ball to start the second half. There you go, Keller. If anyone knows anything about beating the Colts in the playoffs, it's LDT. Is Reggie Wayne being triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called all night. (Aside: Wayne was one of the candidates for the Madden 11 cover. Had he won, we would have had the Super Bowl loser on the Madden cover and there's a non-zero chance he'd be dead right now.) Were there really only three possessions in the third quarter? There's Tomlinson again. Ooooh, Peyton and Blair White (?!) couldn't connect and that would have given them a chance to ice it. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. So do real kickoff returners — that was big. Why did the Colts call time out? Did you see Peyton's face when they announced it? He looked like someone had just told him the Earth was flat. Seriously, why did they do that? That just gave the Jets more time to get closer for a kick that Nick Folk can actually make. I've been hard on Braylon in the past but he's actually had a good year not dropping the football. Nick Folk... does real kicker things? (Jets 17, Colts 16)
Ah, Arrowhead. It's been too long. Eric Berry's already flying all around the field. Ray Rice's absence on that third and goal from the 1-foot line was... odd. There's a fumble and Flacco just has to do a better job protecting the ball. This defense isn't catching Jamaal Charles. From what little I've seen from the Chiefs these days, the biggest differences between this year and last are not only vastly improved team speed (I remember remarking how slow they were when they played the Eagles and Giants on back-to-back weeks last year) and the light going on for a few other guys. OK, there's Rice. Todd Heap has been running wild in this game. Chiefs are going for it here? Fourth and one and you call a toss play? Really? No wonder Charlie Weis is leaving. This is starting to get out of hand. Terrible interception by Cassel and that might be the end of it. His arm is coming forward. The Arrowhead PA is playing "Tell Me Something Good" during the challenge. It worked! At least something did. Kevin Curtis is still alive? I mean, not that it matters, but it's nice to know in the end. (Ravens 30, Chiefs 7)
This feels... familiar. Well, at least it did up until Akers... missed the field goal? That doesn't happen. Tom Crabtree? Who is Tom Crabtree? And along the same lines, when did the Packers finally find a running game? This could be dangerous if this keeps up. Did McCoy roll onto DeSean's leg? Oh boy. And here's another unsettling development: The Packers are continuing to run the ball. Why were they wasting their time with Brandon Jackson all year with this Starks guy sitting in cold storage? Also, what's with all the drops? James Jones could have ended this game before halftime if he'd hung on to that one. It looks like Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl out there. FUMBLE. Michael Vick throws darts. We've got a game finally. Speaking of Brandon Jackson, that was a good job by him on the touchdown to not get tackled while waiting for his blockers to catch up. Akers missed AGAIN?! That's a bad omen. Is Starks the new Antowain Smith? Seriously. Go for it! You've got no choice now! When all else fails, run the sneak with Vick. Go for two! Yes! Wait, what? He stepped out of bounds? Oh, Celek. It really hasn't been a good year at all, has it. Wait... why are they lining up again? What just happened here? (Seriously, I missed the explanation for this, so if anyone's got it, I'd be much obliged.) Vick's limping again. Oh man, if Kolb has to come in, that would just complete the circle, wouldn't it? Oh, this doesn't look good... and it ends just like that. Look, I had the Eagles 8-8 at best and finishing last. This is gravy. Well, garlic butter, as I've never been a gravy fan. But you see my point. (Packers 21, Eagles 16)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 17: Final Eliminations
Signal Finder: PIT @ CLE, TB @ NO, OAK @ KC (most of second half); DAL @ PHI
Four weeks ago I was saying that Eric Mangini should get some Coach of the Year votes. He hasn't won a game since. Ummmm... I think Polamalu can sit back down now. (Steelers 41, Browns 9)
CRAZINESS. If you didn't see it, the Bucs lined up tight, Freeman faked the sneak, dropped back about 10 yards(!) because the Saints' defensive front didn't fall for it, and lofted an air ball up to Mike Williams in the end zone. How did that work? If I'm Sean Payton, I consider pulling my starters looking at the Falcons score. And there's Chase Daniel, who may actually be shorter than Brees. Why is Brennaman a year late with the "If you get a head coaching gig next year, we really enjoyed working with you, Brian Billick" speech when Billick's name hasn't come up for any opening this year? Bucs win! LeGarrette Blount gets 1,000 yards on the last carry of the game. Here's something else to think about: Tampa's gonna get a third-place schedule next season, too. Now... we wait. /spy movie cliches (Buccaneers 23, Saints 13)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 13, Bengals 7
Is that the first play Michael Huff's made in the pros? About four minutes ago in real time the Buccaneers snuffed out the same play that the Raiders just scored on. So let me get this straight: The Raiders swept the AFC West and still finished third? Gotcha. (Raiders 31, Chiefs 10)
Break up the Lions! I long ago stopped trying to figure out when Brett Favre's career was finally going to end. But listening to him after this game, there wasn't any of the overwrought emotion or angst of his earlier year-end pronouncements. He sounded... at peace. I think he's finally done. (Lions 20, Vikings 13)
Who are these people? This feels like Week 2 in the preseason. And Kolb's playing like he did in Week 2 of the preseason. Witten? Of course Witten. It's always Witten. This game only taught me two things: The Eagles could use another cornerback, and Stephen McGee isn't as good as Jon Kitna. (Cowboys 14, Eagles 13)
I'm curious why we didn't get a late CBS game here. We did two years ago in the same circumstance. I feel like that fumbled snap should be the last one Kerry Collins ever takes. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. crosses off Jaguars (Colts 23, Titans 20)
I support the Bears' decision here. You get a chance to singlehandedly knock your biggest rival out of the playoffs, you take it. Plus, as an Eagles fan, I'd really rather not have to face the Packers again. Keeping Cutler off his back might help the plan go better. Has anything happened so far? The Packers' best goal-line option seems to be "Rodgers off right tackle," which can't be good going forward. This is beginning to look like the Packers-Lions game from four weeks ago, and that's a bad thing. I think that punt return was the longest-gaining play of the game. A touchdown! Wow! You know what this leaves us with? The best wild-card teams of all time, that's what. crosses off Buccaneers (Packers 10, Bears 3)
This looks like a game between two sub-.500 teams. Who are these people? The Seahawks' defense sure isn't the 49ers'. The Mike Williams comeback story doesn't seem to be getting much play outside of Seattle and it should. Is this gonna happen? There's a rookie mistake
Look, this probably won't happen again for another 90 years. Still, it begs the question for Seahawks fans: Was this a good season? (Seahawks 16, Rams 6)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (14-2) — Seriously?
2. Pittsburgh (12-4) — Time to get more rest
3. Atlanta (13-3) — Shaking it off
4. New Orleans (12-4) — Champs remain dangerous
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (5-11) — The Cardinals you know and love are back, ladies and gentlemen...
30. Cincinnati (4-12) — ...and so are the Bengals
30. Denver (4-12) — Need a total makeover
32. Carolina (2-14) — Um... forget what I said here last week. Party at Jimmy Clausen's house!
Four weeks ago I was saying that Eric Mangini should get some Coach of the Year votes. He hasn't won a game since. Ummmm... I think Polamalu can sit back down now. (Steelers 41, Browns 9)
CRAZINESS. If you didn't see it, the Bucs lined up tight, Freeman faked the sneak, dropped back about 10 yards(!) because the Saints' defensive front didn't fall for it, and lofted an air ball up to Mike Williams in the end zone. How did that work? If I'm Sean Payton, I consider pulling my starters looking at the Falcons score. And there's Chase Daniel, who may actually be shorter than Brees. Why is Brennaman a year late with the "If you get a head coaching gig next year, we really enjoyed working with you, Brian Billick" speech when Billick's name hasn't come up for any opening this year? Bucs win! LeGarrette Blount gets 1,000 yards on the last carry of the game. Here's something else to think about: Tampa's gonna get a third-place schedule next season, too. Now... we wait. /spy movie cliches (Buccaneers 23, Saints 13)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Ravens 13, Bengals 7
Is that the first play Michael Huff's made in the pros? About four minutes ago in real time the Buccaneers snuffed out the same play that the Raiders just scored on. So let me get this straight: The Raiders swept the AFC West and still finished third? Gotcha. (Raiders 31, Chiefs 10)
Break up the Lions! I long ago stopped trying to figure out when Brett Favre's career was finally going to end. But listening to him after this game, there wasn't any of the overwrought emotion or angst of his earlier year-end pronouncements. He sounded... at peace. I think he's finally done. (Lions 20, Vikings 13)
Who are these people? This feels like Week 2 in the preseason. And Kolb's playing like he did in Week 2 of the preseason. Witten? Of course Witten. It's always Witten. This game only taught me two things: The Eagles could use another cornerback, and Stephen McGee isn't as good as Jon Kitna. (Cowboys 14, Eagles 13)
I'm curious why we didn't get a late CBS game here. We did two years ago in the same circumstance. I feel like that fumbled snap should be the last one Kerry Collins ever takes. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. crosses off Jaguars (Colts 23, Titans 20)
I support the Bears' decision here. You get a chance to singlehandedly knock your biggest rival out of the playoffs, you take it. Plus, as an Eagles fan, I'd really rather not have to face the Packers again. Keeping Cutler off his back might help the plan go better. Has anything happened so far? The Packers' best goal-line option seems to be "Rodgers off right tackle," which can't be good going forward. This is beginning to look like the Packers-Lions game from four weeks ago, and that's a bad thing. I think that punt return was the longest-gaining play of the game. A touchdown! Wow! You know what this leaves us with? The best wild-card teams of all time, that's what. crosses off Buccaneers (Packers 10, Bears 3)
This looks like a game between two sub-.500 teams. Who are these people? The Seahawks' defense sure isn't the 49ers'. The Mike Williams comeback story doesn't seem to be getting much play outside of Seattle and it should. Is this gonna happen? There's a rookie mistake
Look, this probably won't happen again for another 90 years. Still, it begs the question for Seahawks fans: Was this a good season? (Seahawks 16, Rams 6)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (14-2) — Seriously?
2. Pittsburgh (12-4) — Time to get more rest
3. Atlanta (13-3) — Shaking it off
4. New Orleans (12-4) — Champs remain dangerous
BOTTOM 4:
29. Arizona (5-11) — The Cardinals you know and love are back, ladies and gentlemen...
30. Cincinnati (4-12) — ...and so are the Bengals
30. Denver (4-12) — Need a total makeover
32. Carolina (2-14) — Um... forget what I said here last week. Party at Jimmy Clausen's house!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 16: The Massively Delayed Sleep Deprivation Edition
It's my understanding that Festivus is today. Who determines this? Is it arbitrary? I bring this up because this is as worthy an occasion as any to begin the Airing of Grievances. Hey NFL schedule makers! I GOTTA LOT OF PROBLEMS WITH YOU PEOPLE! Who among you decided that the Carolina Panthers were worthy of any prime-time exposure at this point in the season? What made you think they'd be any good? C'mon, man! (Steelers 27, Panthers 3)
Jon Kitna, John Skelton, and nine wins total. Merry Christmas, football fans. I actually completely forgot about this game until I saw how it ended. I've decided that David Buehler is a smaller, less violent Sebastian Janikowski. (Cardinals 27, Cowboys 26)
Signal Finder: NYJ @ CHI, SF @ STL, NYG @ GB
That pass is why Danny Amendola is a wide receiver. I'm not sure any quarterback has ever appreciated a running back like Sam Bradford should appreciate Steven Jackson. That's a safety, isn't it? SPEED (2)! This game looks like what a game between two sub-.500 teams fighting for playoff position looks like. Alex is in? What happened to Troy? Oh, he's on the sideline yelling at Singletary. The young people watching this need to know it didn't used to be like this for them. And yet it's amazing the 49ers are still in this thing. Oh, I don't think Alexander stepped out. I mean, I'm looking at this replay and it's close, but I wouldn't be able to call that. And it ends up not mattering for anything but fantasy purposes (although, let's be honest: if Danario Alexander is starting on your fantasy team, and it's week 16, it doesn't matter anyway.) finally, mercifully, crosses off 49ers (Rams 25, 49ers 17)
Come on, Soldier Field. We need you to come up big with signs for Rex. Don't let America down. You know who's good is Matt Forte. Hey, a Shonn Greene sighting! Into a bad spot into double coverage? Nice work, Cutler. Hey, a LaDanian Tomlinson sighting! These vaunted defenses are getting shredded. Did not see this one coming. In that same vein, it really is amazing how much time Cutler's had to throw. The Bears' offensive line has been playing better but the Jets have absolutely no pass rush. Seriously, people, stop kicking it to Devin Hester. STOP. And the Jets come right back with Holmes? What is going on here? Knox and Hester give the Bears ridiculous speed on the outside. A field goal? And Nick Folk made it? That might be an even bigger upset. Have we really gone almost an entire quarter in this game without anyone scoring? And there's the mistake one of these two was bound to make. Though that was a nice play by Harris to swoop in and pick that off. (Bears 38, Jets 34)
So no T.O., no Ocho, and Carson puts up his best passer rating ever. I'm not saying; I'm just saying. crosses off the song (Bengals 34, Chargers 20)
Looks like the Giants are still in shock. Seriously, Jordy Nelson shouldn't be doing that to anyone. Mario Manningham is the evolutionary Nate Washington. Discuss. Oh wow. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'd say he wheels are coming off but they're already off. And really, they haven't just come off — they're rolling down the road independently of each other and hitting other cars. The casino across the street~~~~~ I didn't know Green Bay even had casinos. I know Milwaukee's got a couple. And now Tom Coughlin finds himself in the same spot he was in five years ago: needing to beat the Washington Redskins to save his job. Unfortunately for him, Tiki Barber isn't around to bail him out like last time. (Packers 45, Giants 17)
The Saints and Falcons have a history of trading wins on the other's home field, so this wouldn't have been surprising even if the Saints were 5-10 or something. (Saints 17, Falcons 14)
TUESDAY. ESPN's Kevin Nagandi: "If George Costanza were the assistant to the Minnesota Vikings' traveling secretary, he would have quit by now." I haven't heard a halfway decent explanation as to why this game was flexed in the first place — the Vikings aren't very good this year and are out of it, and Favre was hurt before they made the switch. And if this turns into a three-hour Favre eulogy, I'm checking out. Seriously, Jets-Bears was RIGHT THERE.
Also, I haven't paid attention to Ed Rendell's opinions on football for the past eight years and I'm certainly not about to start now. But let's break this down, since he clearly has no idea how this actually works: You've gotta move 70,000 people from all across the region into one spot in South Philadelphia over roads that are doubtlessly in terrible condition with poor visibility. South Jersey Transit is completely shut down, and SEPTA is partially shut down. (And anyone who rides SEPTA regularly will tell you that "SEPTA" and "peak efficiency" almost never appear in the same sentence.) There'll be snow falling in the stadium all day that has to be cleared out before the game so people can sit down and move around. What happens if an emergency vehicle is needed at the stadium? How long is it going to take to get there through the weather conditions? Then you have to do the same thing four hours later after the game's over, with the additional factor that all the fans are now drunk. And it's not like you can wait until 7:30 p.m. to make this decision, either. If the NFL's choice is between taking a PR hit and looking like "wimps" for moving the game or taking a PR hit for not moving the game and somebody dying because of it... look, that's an easy one.
Vick's limping already? Nice catch, Clay Harbour. Clay Harbour? Yeah, that's clearly in. And after that the Eagles just seem off. Have they run the ball at all so far? That's about the third interception the Vikings have dropped. You can't drop a fumble, though. Why is Andy challenging this? I can't see how they can say Rice didn't have control. Um. Well then. Joe Webb just made the entire Eagles' defense miss him twice. Juqua Parker still hasn't caught him. This... did not go well. On the flip side, I think Leslie Frazier just earned himself a full-time job. Or at least a real shot at one. (Vikings 24, Eagles 14)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (13-2) — Brady may never throw an interception again
2. Pittsburgh (11-4) — Yawn
3. Atlanta (12-3) — Offense got shut down Monday night
4 (tie). New Orleans (11-4) — Made a "don't forget about us" statement
4 (tie). Chicago (11-4) — Believe. BELIEVE!
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (5-10) — Seriously, what happened to that defense?
30. Cincinnati (4-11) — In straight audition mode
31. Denver (4-11) — Tebow wins!
32. Carolina (2-13) — I'll offer my yearly ritual plea a week early this season: TRADE THE PICK
Jon Kitna, John Skelton, and nine wins total. Merry Christmas, football fans. I actually completely forgot about this game until I saw how it ended. I've decided that David Buehler is a smaller, less violent Sebastian Janikowski. (Cardinals 27, Cowboys 26)
Signal Finder: NYJ @ CHI, SF @ STL, NYG @ GB
That pass is why Danny Amendola is a wide receiver. I'm not sure any quarterback has ever appreciated a running back like Sam Bradford should appreciate Steven Jackson. That's a safety, isn't it? SPEED (2)! This game looks like what a game between two sub-.500 teams fighting for playoff position looks like. Alex is in? What happened to Troy? Oh, he's on the sideline yelling at Singletary. The young people watching this need to know it didn't used to be like this for them. And yet it's amazing the 49ers are still in this thing. Oh, I don't think Alexander stepped out. I mean, I'm looking at this replay and it's close, but I wouldn't be able to call that. And it ends up not mattering for anything but fantasy purposes (although, let's be honest: if Danario Alexander is starting on your fantasy team, and it's week 16, it doesn't matter anyway.) finally, mercifully, crosses off 49ers (Rams 25, 49ers 17)
Come on, Soldier Field. We need you to come up big with signs for Rex. Don't let America down. You know who's good is Matt Forte. Hey, a Shonn Greene sighting! Into a bad spot into double coverage? Nice work, Cutler. Hey, a LaDanian Tomlinson sighting! These vaunted defenses are getting shredded. Did not see this one coming. In that same vein, it really is amazing how much time Cutler's had to throw. The Bears' offensive line has been playing better but the Jets have absolutely no pass rush. Seriously, people, stop kicking it to Devin Hester. STOP. And the Jets come right back with Holmes? What is going on here? Knox and Hester give the Bears ridiculous speed on the outside. A field goal? And Nick Folk made it? That might be an even bigger upset. Have we really gone almost an entire quarter in this game without anyone scoring? And there's the mistake one of these two was bound to make. Though that was a nice play by Harris to swoop in and pick that off. (Bears 38, Jets 34)
So no T.O., no Ocho, and Carson puts up his best passer rating ever. I'm not saying; I'm just saying. crosses off the song (Bengals 34, Chargers 20)
Looks like the Giants are still in shock. Seriously, Jordy Nelson shouldn't be doing that to anyone. Mario Manningham is the evolutionary Nate Washington. Discuss. Oh wow. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'd say he wheels are coming off but they're already off. And really, they haven't just come off — they're rolling down the road independently of each other and hitting other cars. The casino across the street~~~~~ I didn't know Green Bay even had casinos. I know Milwaukee's got a couple. And now Tom Coughlin finds himself in the same spot he was in five years ago: needing to beat the Washington Redskins to save his job. Unfortunately for him, Tiki Barber isn't around to bail him out like last time. (Packers 45, Giants 17)
The Saints and Falcons have a history of trading wins on the other's home field, so this wouldn't have been surprising even if the Saints were 5-10 or something. (Saints 17, Falcons 14)
TUESDAY. ESPN's Kevin Nagandi: "If George Costanza were the assistant to the Minnesota Vikings' traveling secretary, he would have quit by now." I haven't heard a halfway decent explanation as to why this game was flexed in the first place — the Vikings aren't very good this year and are out of it, and Favre was hurt before they made the switch. And if this turns into a three-hour Favre eulogy, I'm checking out. Seriously, Jets-Bears was RIGHT THERE.
Also, I haven't paid attention to Ed Rendell's opinions on football for the past eight years and I'm certainly not about to start now. But let's break this down, since he clearly has no idea how this actually works: You've gotta move 70,000 people from all across the region into one spot in South Philadelphia over roads that are doubtlessly in terrible condition with poor visibility. South Jersey Transit is completely shut down, and SEPTA is partially shut down. (And anyone who rides SEPTA regularly will tell you that "SEPTA" and "peak efficiency" almost never appear in the same sentence.) There'll be snow falling in the stadium all day that has to be cleared out before the game so people can sit down and move around. What happens if an emergency vehicle is needed at the stadium? How long is it going to take to get there through the weather conditions? Then you have to do the same thing four hours later after the game's over, with the additional factor that all the fans are now drunk. And it's not like you can wait until 7:30 p.m. to make this decision, either. If the NFL's choice is between taking a PR hit and looking like "wimps" for moving the game or taking a PR hit for not moving the game and somebody dying because of it... look, that's an easy one.
Vick's limping already? Nice catch, Clay Harbour. Clay Harbour? Yeah, that's clearly in. And after that the Eagles just seem off. Have they run the ball at all so far? That's about the third interception the Vikings have dropped. You can't drop a fumble, though. Why is Andy challenging this? I can't see how they can say Rice didn't have control. Um. Well then. Joe Webb just made the entire Eagles' defense miss him twice. Juqua Parker still hasn't caught him. This... did not go well. On the flip side, I think Leslie Frazier just earned himself a full-time job. Or at least a real shot at one. (Vikings 24, Eagles 14)
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. New England (13-2) — Brady may never throw an interception again
2. Pittsburgh (11-4) — Yawn
3. Atlanta (12-3) — Offense got shut down Monday night
4 (tie). New Orleans (11-4) — Made a "don't forget about us" statement
4 (tie). Chicago (11-4) — Believe. BELIEVE!
BOTTOM 4:
29. Dallas (5-10) — Seriously, what happened to that defense?
30. Cincinnati (4-11) — In straight audition mode
31. Denver (4-11) — Tebow wins!
32. Carolina (2-13) — I'll offer my yearly ritual plea a week early this season: TRADE THE PICK
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