By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Road Cooking

If this were a regular season game, Ron Pitts and John Lynch would be calling it. I mean, it's hard to bury a playoff game but NBC almost did it. There's an inauspicious beginning. The Seahawks were fortunate to only give up three there — they can thank Bush for that drop. Tipped pass gets picked? It's getting worse. Lawyer Milloy's still alive? This is a key sequence for the Seahawks because every game they've lost this season they've lost big and ugly, and they need to get something here to stay in this one. Julius Jones? Julius Jones, making Seahawks fans everywhere hate him even more. Poor Roman Harper. First getting run down by Sam Bradford and now this. Again John Carlson gets wide open — the Saints cover tight ends like the Eagles. Brandon Stokley's still alive? Are... are the Seahawks ahead? At halftime? It's only four points; this can't last. Well, now it's 11 points. The Saints have become completely one-dimensional here on offense and they've been nothing short of awful on defense. My God this stadium is loud. Where is Bush, anyway? Bad unnecessary roughness penalty on Clemons. You can't make it easy for the Saints at this point in the game — two touchdowns is nothing to these guys. Julius Jones scores again. Three straight passes, Seahawks? Here's where the Saints having almost no running game really works against them: Thomas or Ivory gets a touchdown there instead of having to kick a 21-yard field goal. O. M. G. That's what Marshawn Lynch calls BEAST MODE, which in my mind's eye looks something like this:



Seriously, that may be the greatest thing he's ever done. Tracy Porter took that stiff-arm like he was a door flying off an exploding car. I'm trying to decide what's more impressive: the 60 pass attempts for Brees or the zero interceptions. This isn't over yet! Really, Sean Payton? A two-point conversion try to stay in a playoff game and you send an ice-cold DeShawn Wynn up the middle? THE KINGS ARE DEAD. LONG LIVE THE... well, let's not get carried away. Even though the Seahawks played their best game in about three years (and the Saints arguably their worst), we all know the real reason they won:

The Madden Curse works in mysterious ways. (Seahawks 41, Saints 36)

THIS TIME IT'S PERSONAL. Rex should probably see a professional about that. Let's remember also that the Colts were the No. 3 seed when they won their last Super Bowl. Hey, they got across midfield. There's a development. GARCON! Sanchez should stop throwing to Dustin Keller... it has yet to end well. Aaaand there's an interception in the end zone on another try to Keller to end the half. What a waste that was. At least they get the ball to start the second half. There you go, Keller. If anyone knows anything about beating the Colts in the playoffs, it's LDT. Is Reggie Wayne being triple-teamed or something? I haven't heard his name called all night. (Aside: Wayne was one of the candidates for the Madden 11 cover. Had he won, we would have had the Super Bowl loser on the Madden cover and there's a non-zero chance he'd be dead right now.) Were there really only three possessions in the third quarter? There's Tomlinson again. Ooooh, Peyton and Blair White (?!) couldn't connect and that would have given them a chance to ice it. REAL KICKERS DO REAL THINGS. So do real kickoff returners — that was big. Why did the Colts call time out? Did you see Peyton's face when they announced it? He looked like someone had just told him the Earth was flat. Seriously, why did they do that? That just gave the Jets more time to get closer for a kick that Nick Folk can actually make. I've been hard on Braylon in the past but he's actually had a good year not dropping the football. Nick Folk... does real kicker things? (Jets 17, Colts 16)

Ah, Arrowhead. It's been too long. Eric Berry's already flying all around the field. Ray Rice's absence on that third and goal from the 1-foot line was... odd. There's a fumble and Flacco just has to do a better job protecting the ball. This defense isn't catching Jamaal Charles. From what little I've seen from the Chiefs these days, the biggest differences between this year and last are not only vastly improved team speed (I remember remarking how slow they were when they played the Eagles and Giants on back-to-back weeks last year) and the light going on for a few other guys. OK, there's Rice. Todd Heap has been running wild in this game. Chiefs are going for it here? Fourth and one and you call a toss play? Really? No wonder Charlie Weis is leaving. This is starting to get out of hand. Terrible interception by Cassel and that might be the end of it. His arm is coming forward. The Arrowhead PA is playing "Tell Me Something Good" during the challenge. It worked! At least something did. Kevin Curtis is still alive? I mean, not that it matters, but it's nice to know in the end. (Ravens 30, Chiefs 7)

This feels... familiar. Well, at least it did up until Akers... missed the field goal? That doesn't happen. Tom Crabtree? Who is Tom Crabtree? And along the same lines, when did the Packers finally find a running game? This could be dangerous if this keeps up. Did McCoy roll onto DeSean's leg? Oh boy. And here's another unsettling development: The Packers are continuing to run the ball. Why were they wasting their time with Brandon Jackson all year with this Starks guy sitting in cold storage? Also, what's with all the drops? James Jones could have ended this game before halftime if he'd hung on to that one. It looks like Arkansas in the Sugar Bowl out there. FUMBLE. Michael Vick throws darts. We've got a game finally. Speaking of Brandon Jackson, that was a good job by him on the touchdown to not get tackled while waiting for his blockers to catch up. Akers missed AGAIN?! That's a bad omen. Is Starks the new Antowain Smith? Seriously. Go for it! You've got no choice now! When all else fails, run the sneak with Vick. Go for two! Yes! Wait, what? He stepped out of bounds? Oh, Celek. It really hasn't been a good year at all, has it. Wait... why are they lining up again? What just happened here? (Seriously, I missed the explanation for this, so if anyone's got it, I'd be much obliged.) Vick's limping again. Oh man, if Kolb has to come in, that would just complete the circle, wouldn't it? Oh, this doesn't look good... and it ends just like that. Look, I had the Eagles 8-8 at best and finishing last. This is gravy. Well, garlic butter, as I've never been a gravy fan. But you see my point. (Packers 21, Eagles 16)