WEEK 4
Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, BUF @ CIN (end), DEN @ GB
So already Akers has missed a field goal and Vick's thrown an interception (that wasn't his fault; DeSean should have caught that ball.) I don't blame Andy for challenging that... atrocity Ronnie Brown committed because I don't think he knew what happened. The viewers and the announcers didn't see what happened until they showed the replay. What WAS that? My God. Mariucci: "This is madness." Why is Alex Smith leading this comeback? I mean, Josh Morgan? The Vernon Davis touchdown is excusable because the Eagles haven't stopped a tight end in about eight years. The bomb to Jackson should buy the Eagles some breathing ro— what? Come on, rook. It's 39 yards! You gotta hit that! Then the kid missed another one from 33... not the best showing with the guy you replaced on the other sideline. I have a bad feeling about this. GORE! GORE! GORE! And there it is. Still plenty of time to — what? He lost the ball? Unbelievable. This... yeah. The Falcons are a good team and that game could have gone either way. The Giants were probably due and played a perfect game. But this... this was bad. There's no other way to say it. (49ers 24, Eagles 23)
The worst part is I can't even enjoy the Cowboys' epic collapse. Irony: Bobby Carpenter finally makes a play in Cowboys Stadium. (Lions 34, Cowboys 30)
Of course, Vikings fans are used to bad second halves by now. (Chiefs 22, Vikings 17)
And Broncos fans are quickly getting used to bad first and second halves. Though they did make a nice rally in the second quarter. But you can't play the Packers at this speed because you. Will. Lose. (Packers 49, Broncos 23)
I think about six Ravens fell on that fumble. Huh, the Jets finally found a use for Joe McKnight. Do you like watching quarterbacks get abused in every way possible during a football game? If you do, you probably enjoyed this a little too much. (Ravens 34, Jets 17)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (1-3, L3): So, yeah. Dez Bryant's two first-half touchdowns got a good view of this loss from my bench. Did I mention I lost by less than four points?
JackSux 10 (4-0, W4): The Ravens' defense — which beat Mark Sanchez to within an inch of his life — was our star this week with 35 points, including three touchdowns.
KeyStar V (3-1, L1): Pretty nondescript loss, but the Andre Johnson injury is going to hurt going forward.
WEEK 5
Signal Finder: PHI @ BUF, TEN @ PIT, NYJ @ NE
Vikings win! Theeeeee... Vikings win! One only wonders what McNabb and Kolb talked about before or after the game. "Not going too well, is it?" "No. No, it's not." (Vikings 34, Cardinals 10)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. SERIOUSLY. I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT AGAIN. The thing about this Bills team is that its three best offensive players went to Kentucky, Harvard, and someplace called Coe College, and none of them were drafted before the sixth round. The Eagles continue to shoot themselves in the foot. Look out! Brad Smith's in at quarterback! Bang. Okay, mid-third quarter, down 28-7. If they don't get a touchdown here the game is over. That'll help — the right side of the field opened up and Vick bolted down there. There we go. FOX had the Panthers go-ahead touchdown highlight about five minutes after CBS did. How do you get scooped on your own game? Boy, they really could have used that touchdown. How'd we get to the two-minute warning already? And for the second straight week an Eagles receiver fumbles in scoring territory. Wait, how's that an interception? Unless they're saying Avant (who, like Maclin against the Falcons, was having the game of his career until that) never had possession in the first place. This feels disgustingly familiar. He jumped? Who jumps there? facepalm Not only is that totally a Bengals way to lose, but the Bengals actually lost a game in that exact same fashion last year (and this year's Bengals probably wouldn't lose a game like that). (Bills 31, Eagles 24)
As bad as that was, the Giants losing this game is worse. Think about it: The Eagles lost a road game to what looks like a pretty good Bills team in a place that's notoriously tough to win in even when the home team is bad. The Giants were at home against a bad Seahawks team that traveled from the West Coast, quarterbacked by Tarvaris Jackson and a guy who wasn't good enough to beat out Tarvaris Jackson in a game that started at 1 p.m. Eastern time. That's supposed to be a lock. Did the Seahawks stay in Youngstown, Ohio, like the 49ers did last week? (Seahawks 36, Giants 25)
Finally... Monday Night Football... HAS come BACK... to the Motor... City! This place is LOUD. The Bears can't hear themselves think. They also apparently can't see or feel Jahvid Best, who just ran through them like a knife through air. Go on, Lions. The upset here is that Jay Cutler stayed alive. (Lions 24, Bears 13)
FANTASY REPORT
aPa2011 (2-3, W1): Held off The Lucky Pierres to break a three-game losing streak. Also got my first trade offer of the year, which was soundly rejected.
JackSux10 (5-0, W5): This week's King of the Grid: Fred Jackson, whose 196 total yards led to 28.6 points in a win over Russ.
KeyStar V (4-1, W1): Back on track. Would you believe a kicker, Nick Novak, who's been out of the league for five years was my leading scorer? In other news, Orton being benched also means I need a quarterback...
DellSux BQBL (1-4, L4): Seriously, who thought Eli would throw up such a colossal stink bomb against the Seahawks? I really can't stress enough how unlikely an outcome that was. I didn't start him, of course...
RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (5-0) — It's almost criminal how well this is working so far
2. New Orleans (4-1) — Feels like Brees will have to carry them this year
3. New England (4-1) — But can they stop teams consistently?
4. San Francisco (4-1) — May have just needed the right coach
BOTTOM 4:
29. Minnesota (1-4) — Andrew Luck can't play defense that we know of. He can, however, catch passes
30. St. Louis (0-5) — Speaking of pass-catchers, these guys could use a few of those
31. Indianapolis (0-5) — Did anyone think it would be this bad?
32. Miami (0-5) — It's like that 11-5 season never happened
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