Signal Finder: PIT @ CIN, SF @ NYG, NYJ @ OAK
Cedric Benson's starting? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. What a sorry state of affairs. Holy crap, Ward just punked that guy. Seems like every time you see Nate Washington he's catching a 40-plus-yard pass. Ah, that's more like it. (Steelers 38, Bengals 10)
This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Giants 29, 49ers 17
Admit it. You thought Brad Johnson was dead. Here's the thing: I still don't think Jim Haslett's a very good head coach, but the Rams should not have been as bad as they were the first month of the season. Jackson is shredding this defense. I wonder who regrets more the events that allowed him to end up with the Rams: the Cowboys (who traded down out of what everybody figured was his spot and went on to draft Julius Jones later) or the Bills (who traded up into this spot to take... J.P. Losman)? (Rams 34, Cowboys 14)
These two teams aren't supposed to play a game that ends up with this score. (Bears 48, Vikings 41)
Jets-Raiders, Channel 3? Really? Really? Favre is getting pounded. Ah, same old Raiders. There are flags all over this field. Sebastian Janikowski: still shaky after all these years. How many chances are the Jets gonna squander here? Favre hasn't thrown deep at all today, for one thing. Sweet Jebus, this game is horrible. You know what's strange? The stats say Thomas Jones rushed for 159 yards, but I don't remember seeing him once. I think at one point I actually wondered if he'd gotten hurt. Jay Feely from 52? I got doubts about this one. DINK. What. Are you kidding me. And he makes the re-kick. That'd be such a Raiders way to lose. Or tie. YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Of course, he'll make this one. Told ya. (Raiders 16, Jets 13, OT)
Really, Who Gives A Rat's Ass?: Seriously, you know why Madden took this week off? Because he knew this game would suck. (Buccaneers 20, Seahawks 10)
That's quite the inauspicious start. You can see Cutler looking down at his hand like something's wrong. Looks like taking Pittman out was a bad move. Did he just fumble again? I can't figure out how a defense with this many good players on it can be so bad. Moss's attempt at a Lambeau Leap was... lacking. Seriously, this is a beatdown. Patrick Ramsey lives! The human leg's not supposed to bend like that. Who can figure out either of these teams. If I'm the Broncos, I sign this guy immediately. (Patriots 41, Broncos 7)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (3-4, W1): Oh, look, I beat Charlie again, mostly because the Bears' defense and special teams went off.
JackSux 5 (4-3, L2): Great Cowboys debut, Roy Williams. I should cut him out of spite. Or on general principle. Willis McGahee sitting on my bench because I still thought he was 50/50 didn't help either.
RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (5-1) - It was ugly, but so what?
2. Tennessee (6-0) - The tests are coming
3. Pittsburgh (5-1) - Who needs a first- or second-string running back, anyway?
30. Kansas City (1-5) - Len Dawson is two phone calls away
31. Detroit (0-6) - Does anyone care anymore?
32. Cincinnati (0-7) - In the stormy sea that is this NFL season, the Bengals sucking is like a lighthouse
----------------
Now playing: Fabulous Thunderbirds, The - Wrap It Up
via FoxyTunes
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: Don't Leave Just Yet
Signal Finder: BAL @ IND (first half), STL @ WSH, CIN @ NYJ (second half), MIA @ HOU (end), PHI @ SF, DAL @ AZ (end)
Dan Orlovsky's (Close To) Actual Quote: "When the whistle blew, I thought, 'Did we false start? Were they offsides? Man, I'm an idiot.'" (Vikings 12, Lions 10)
I'm not sold on the Redskins' game plan so far - they should be bum-rushing the Rams' awful secondary. Plus they look a little sluggish. JUST FALL ON IT. That's the first thing that's gone right all year for the Rams. "Incognito", huh? That's a wildly inappropriate name right now. He probably just cost them the game. Or not. Lord knows I've been wrong before. (Rams 19, Redskins 17)
Wow, Schaub walked in untouched. Kubiak learned that play from Shanahan. Why are they going for two here? There's not enough time for the Dolphins to stop the clock and kick a field goal. (Texans 29, Dolphins 28)
Yeah, this is exactly why I hate the squib kick. Are the Falcons really 4-2? (Falcons 22, Bears 20)
Cross-country trip after a bad loss for a game they always lose - you can understand my trepidation. "Strikeability?" That's a new one to alert to Simmons, I think. Nolan's jacket looks too big. Allen Rossum! Hey, I remember you. stop doing that. "Splashability?" Tim Ryan's making this up as he goes along, isn't he? The double pitch? That's one I've never seen before. If Jackson goes left, he's in. Oh, no. What do you wanna call that one, Ryan? "Missedblockability?" This is where it all goes south. Or maybe not, as McNabb's trying his best to rally the troops. You know who's been good today is Buckhalter. The hell are they challenging that for? You'd almost think Mike Martz was invol... oh, wait. Juqua Parker! With SPEED! I still don't know how this happened. (Eagles 40, 49ers 26)
I know, "letter of the law" and all that, but it seems kind of harsh to call offsides when the guy's clearly hurt. Yeah, it's five more yards. Don't you people know that? BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. This would be such a Cardinals way for them to lose. BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. That was such a Cardinals way for them to lose. And yet... (Cardinals 30, Cowboys 24, OT)
Think the Chargers watched Ravens-Colts and said, "Hey, let's do that to... Deltha O'Neal?" I wonder what vengeance tastes like. Probably pepper bacon. Mmmmm. There's a couple more of these coming, Patriots fans. (Chargers 30, Patriots 10)
Odds of a Brady Quinn sighting tonight? 3:1? Jamal Lewis is still getting it done. Is this Old Eli resurfacing? I'm not sure it matters as I don't thin the Browns can hold the giants down all night. Unless that keeps happening. This is Old Eli resurfacing. Wow. That's Dawg Pound Pride right there. (Browns 35, Giants 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (2-4, L1): Got nothing from anyone. NEXT.
JackSux (4-2, L1): Losing to Rob is never fun.
RANKINGS:
1. N.Y. Giants (4-1) - Man, I don't know. Seriously. I have no idea
2. Tennessee (5-0) - Yes, I'm pulling an Alabama in them
3. Pittsburgh (4-1) - Same here
30. St. Louis (1-4) - They tried their damnedest to lose
31. Cincinnati (0-6) - Gah
32. Detroit (0-5) - Are unaware of the dimensions of the field
Dan Orlovsky's (Close To) Actual Quote: "When the whistle blew, I thought, 'Did we false start? Were they offsides? Man, I'm an idiot.'" (Vikings 12, Lions 10)
I'm not sold on the Redskins' game plan so far - they should be bum-rushing the Rams' awful secondary. Plus they look a little sluggish. JUST FALL ON IT. That's the first thing that's gone right all year for the Rams. "Incognito", huh? That's a wildly inappropriate name right now. He probably just cost them the game. Or not. Lord knows I've been wrong before. (Rams 19, Redskins 17)
Wow, Schaub walked in untouched. Kubiak learned that play from Shanahan. Why are they going for two here? There's not enough time for the Dolphins to stop the clock and kick a field goal. (Texans 29, Dolphins 28)
Yeah, this is exactly why I hate the squib kick. Are the Falcons really 4-2? (Falcons 22, Bears 20)
Cross-country trip after a bad loss for a game they always lose - you can understand my trepidation. "Strikeability?" That's a new one to alert to Simmons, I think. Nolan's jacket looks too big. Allen Rossum! Hey, I remember you. stop doing that. "Splashability?" Tim Ryan's making this up as he goes along, isn't he? The double pitch? That's one I've never seen before. If Jackson goes left, he's in. Oh, no. What do you wanna call that one, Ryan? "Missedblockability?" This is where it all goes south. Or maybe not, as McNabb's trying his best to rally the troops. You know who's been good today is Buckhalter. The hell are they challenging that for? You'd almost think Mike Martz was invol... oh, wait. Juqua Parker! With SPEED! I still don't know how this happened. (Eagles 40, 49ers 26)
I know, "letter of the law" and all that, but it seems kind of harsh to call offsides when the guy's clearly hurt. Yeah, it's five more yards. Don't you people know that? BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. This would be such a Cardinals way for them to lose. BLOCKED! WHAT?! Wow. That was such a Cardinals way for them to lose. And yet... (Cardinals 30, Cowboys 24, OT)
Think the Chargers watched Ravens-Colts and said, "Hey, let's do that to... Deltha O'Neal?" I wonder what vengeance tastes like. Probably pepper bacon. Mmmmm. There's a couple more of these coming, Patriots fans. (Chargers 30, Patriots 10)
Odds of a Brady Quinn sighting tonight? 3:1? Jamal Lewis is still getting it done. Is this Old Eli resurfacing? I'm not sure it matters as I don't thin the Browns can hold the giants down all night. Unless that keeps happening. This is Old Eli resurfacing. Wow. That's Dawg Pound Pride right there. (Browns 35, Giants 14)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (2-4, L1): Got nothing from anyone. NEXT.
JackSux (4-2, L1): Losing to Rob is never fun.
RANKINGS:
1. N.Y. Giants (4-1) - Man, I don't know. Seriously. I have no idea
2. Tennessee (5-0) - Yes, I'm pulling an Alabama in them
3. Pittsburgh (4-1) - Same here
30. St. Louis (1-4) - They tried their damnedest to lose
31. Cincinnati (0-6) - Gah
32. Detroit (0-5) - Are unaware of the dimensions of the field
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Points of Comparison
Signal Finder: WSH @ PHI, PHI @ MIL, CIN @ DAL
Mike and Mike floated the idea Monday morning that the start times for games on the East Coast where a West Coast team is visiting should be pushed back to 4 because the visiting team's gotten slaughtered every tine it's happened so far. I don't know if there's anything to that, but I don't know how else you explain this. (Dolphins 17, Chargers 10)
Snap. Crackle. Pop. (That's for the Rollins HR.) What a sweet drive. And that's why they drafted the kid. Though the refs never pick up the flag on a block in the back on a return (which happens ALL THE TIME), so that was kind of strange. I feel like Buck's going to be a step behind the seemingly random Phillies-related cheering all day. While the Eagles' idea of shutting down Santana has merit, they're doing it at the expense of everything else. Seriously, Portis can't be stopped right now. The Randle El touchdown pass was pretty much perfectly executed. Man, the Eagles are just getting pushed around. Lay a hand on a guy, something. Wait, how can there be a late hit out of bounds on a guy when he's already got him by the face mask? The officiating in this game has been strange. I'm not saying 'bad', I'm saying 'strange'. What was that? The play clock freezes, the refs restart it, Reid apparently sends in an audible to McNabb, and they end up losing three yards? The Eagles are becoming last year's Redskins. (Hey, anybody out there watch Poker After Dark? Did you see last week with the amateur Featherstone's dream table? His play last week was pretty much how the Eagles played: a good start (flopping the straight against Hellmuth's two pair), a whole lot of nothing after that (his card deadness), a missed opportunity late (the 77 hand), and then a failed last gasp (getting outdrawn by Gavin at the end).) We also learned that the Redskins are better than a lot of people thought, myself included. The rain better end in Chicago soon because Bengals-Cowboys is going to suck long and hard. (Redskins 23, Eagles 17; Phillies 6, Brewers 2)
So if the Eagles are last year's Redskins, are the Giants last year's Patriots? (Giants 44, Seahawks 6)
And the Lions... well, they're definitely last year's Lions. (Bears 34, Lions 7)
You gotta slide. YOU GOTTA SLIDE! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Dear God. I expect a screencap of Rosenfels getting helicoptered and fumbling to be a new FAIL picture meme within 10 days. (Colts 31, Texans 27)
Hey, Carson's back. Is it 17-0 yet? Well, it's close. What's going on with the Cowboys' offense? ONSIDE KICK~! Yep, just as I thought... Chris Perry sucks. I can't believe the Bengals are still in this game. Seriously, the Cowboys can't get anything going. I guess since the Bengals are freezing Ocho Cinco out they figured Dallas wouldn't expect them to go to Utecht, but that was still odd. I'm pretty sure either Crayton or Austin wasn't supposed to be there. T.O.: "God used me today for His glory." What? You caught two passes and almost got beat by the Bengals! I'm pretty sure God's better than that. (Cowboys 31, Bengals 22)
Did Heath Shuler win that Congressional seat? I don't remember. Brees never saw Winfield coming and he shouldn't have gotten close to him anyway. How do you miss that facemask call? How do you punt to Bush again after what happened earlier? Pass interference when you've got the guy doubled? That's a new one. Not the ending I was expecting. (Vikings 30, Saints 27)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (2-3, W2): Anquan Boldin breaking his face means more opportunities for Larry Fitzgerald, and combined with Chris Cooley faking everybody out, that equals another win for me.
JackSux V (4-1, W1): See, here's the thing about fantasy football: Portis running wild ticked me off as an Eagles fan, but he also helped get me my highest point total of the year.
RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (4-0) - I feel like I'm on an island here
2. Tennessee (5-0) - Who saw THIS coming?
3. Washington (4-1) - Campbell getting better and better
(tie) Pittsburgh (4-1) - That was a revenge-fueled gut check
30. Cincinnati (0-5) - Yeah, Chris Henry'll help matters
31. Detroit (0-4) - I feel like the Lions should be contracted
32. St. Louis (0-4) - Blah
Mike and Mike floated the idea Monday morning that the start times for games on the East Coast where a West Coast team is visiting should be pushed back to 4 because the visiting team's gotten slaughtered every tine it's happened so far. I don't know if there's anything to that, but I don't know how else you explain this. (Dolphins 17, Chargers 10)
Snap. Crackle. Pop. (That's for the Rollins HR.) What a sweet drive. And that's why they drafted the kid. Though the refs never pick up the flag on a block in the back on a return (which happens ALL THE TIME), so that was kind of strange. I feel like Buck's going to be a step behind the seemingly random Phillies-related cheering all day. While the Eagles' idea of shutting down Santana has merit, they're doing it at the expense of everything else. Seriously, Portis can't be stopped right now. The Randle El touchdown pass was pretty much perfectly executed. Man, the Eagles are just getting pushed around. Lay a hand on a guy, something. Wait, how can there be a late hit out of bounds on a guy when he's already got him by the face mask? The officiating in this game has been strange. I'm not saying 'bad', I'm saying 'strange'. What was that? The play clock freezes, the refs restart it, Reid apparently sends in an audible to McNabb, and they end up losing three yards? The Eagles are becoming last year's Redskins. (Hey, anybody out there watch Poker After Dark? Did you see last week with the amateur Featherstone's dream table? His play last week was pretty much how the Eagles played: a good start (flopping the straight against Hellmuth's two pair), a whole lot of nothing after that (his card deadness), a missed opportunity late (the 77 hand), and then a failed last gasp (getting outdrawn by Gavin at the end).) We also learned that the Redskins are better than a lot of people thought, myself included. The rain better end in Chicago soon because Bengals-Cowboys is going to suck long and hard. (Redskins 23, Eagles 17; Phillies 6, Brewers 2)
So if the Eagles are last year's Redskins, are the Giants last year's Patriots? (Giants 44, Seahawks 6)
And the Lions... well, they're definitely last year's Lions. (Bears 34, Lions 7)
You gotta slide. YOU GOTTA SLIDE! PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Dear God. I expect a screencap of Rosenfels getting helicoptered and fumbling to be a new FAIL picture meme within 10 days. (Colts 31, Texans 27)
Hey, Carson's back. Is it 17-0 yet? Well, it's close. What's going on with the Cowboys' offense? ONSIDE KICK~! Yep, just as I thought... Chris Perry sucks. I can't believe the Bengals are still in this game. Seriously, the Cowboys can't get anything going. I guess since the Bengals are freezing Ocho Cinco out they figured Dallas wouldn't expect them to go to Utecht, but that was still odd. I'm pretty sure either Crayton or Austin wasn't supposed to be there. T.O.: "God used me today for His glory." What? You caught two passes and almost got beat by the Bengals! I'm pretty sure God's better than that. (Cowboys 31, Bengals 22)
Did Heath Shuler win that Congressional seat? I don't remember. Brees never saw Winfield coming and he shouldn't have gotten close to him anyway. How do you miss that facemask call? How do you punt to Bush again after what happened earlier? Pass interference when you've got the guy doubled? That's a new one. Not the ending I was expecting. (Vikings 30, Saints 27)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (2-3, W2): Anquan Boldin breaking his face means more opportunities for Larry Fitzgerald, and combined with Chris Cooley faking everybody out, that equals another win for me.
JackSux V (4-1, W1): See, here's the thing about fantasy football: Portis running wild ticked me off as an Eagles fan, but he also helped get me my highest point total of the year.
RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (4-0) - I feel like I'm on an island here
2. Tennessee (5-0) - Who saw THIS coming?
3. Washington (4-1) - Campbell getting better and better
(tie) Pittsburgh (4-1) - That was a revenge-fueled gut check
30. Cincinnati (0-5) - Yeah, Chris Henry'll help matters
31. Detroit (0-4) - I feel like the Lions should be contracted
32. St. Louis (0-4) - Blah
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: A Real Cool Hand
Signal Finder: CLE @ CIN; GB @ TB; FLA @ NYM; DEN @ KC (end); WSH @ DAL
I don't have kids - and maybe that's the reason for what I'm about to say - and I can't imagine how Matt Bryant's doing this. This game's had a ridiculous number of swings. Wait, Flynn's in? I thought Brohm was the main backup. Not that it matters since none of the Packers' QBs have played more than eight games, but Flynn popping up there was not something anyone expected. (Buccaneers 30, Packers 21)
Um, when people thought they might see a quarterback change in this game, I doubt they were figuring it'd be the Bengals. Man. This game is terrible. I mean, it's really bad. OMG Chad scored a touchdown! He should have about four against this bunch. They've gotta be freezing him out. It's the only explanation. (Browns 20, Bengals 12)
I guarantee this wouldn't have happened if Elway wasn't marrying an ex-Raiders cheerleader. There should be a hole in space-time because of that, right? (Chiefs 33, Broncos 19)
I don't understand how Schoeneweis was allowed to park at the stadium, much less pitch in the eighth inning, especially to a guy who comes off the Marlins' bench seemingly for the sole purpose of hitting home runs. I don't know what the Shea Stadium equivalent of slicing rolls at Tony Luke's (which is what I'm convinced the Phillies had Adam Eaton doing last September) is, but he should have been doing that. (Marlins 4, Mets 2)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'M SERIOUS. This is how it's ended everywhere else for Warner. Meanwhile, Favre can't be stopped, and the Cardinals just got pwned on that play fake that the Jets went to Coles on. GUNSLINGER. Thirty-four points in one quarter? Are you kidding me?! This Cardinals rally is nice but it'd help if they, y'know, had more time. Also getting a stop might be a good thing to try, too. cringes Boldin might be lucky to be alive after that. The 34 is more impressive than the 56. Discuss. (Jets 56, Cardinals 35)
"Sorry, Lane. I'm just doing my job. You gotta appreciate that." "Nah - calling it your job don't make it right, Boss." (Chargers 28, Raiders 18)
I like that Aikman and I are of the same mind about the squib kick. Newman is getting used and abused here. Can you even fair-catch a kickoff? And why would you? And now we're back to the end of last year with the Cowboys where they inexplicably couldn't run the ball at all. Uh-oh. Here come the Redskins. "I was rooting for you all along, Butch." "Well, thank you, Flatnose. That's what sustained me in my time of trouble." (Redskins 26, Cowboys 24)
I don't know... I thought Olsen had it and it wasn't even all that close. Anyone think the touchdown play was designed so that DeSeasn would end up in the back of the end zone? I gotta say, Orton's been making good throws. I still maintain he can be successful in this league and should've been starting all along. I'm beginning to worry about Akers. The last three games the Eagles have given up a score in the last two minutes of the first half and I feel like that's why some other things have been happening. This is the bad night for DeSean that we all figured was going to happen at some point. He hasn't been the same since that muffed punt. What's with all these red-zone flameouts tonight? Is it last year again? I agree with going for it there. The play call... that I'm not sold on. On the other side, the Bears finally hold late in the game, which can only help their psyche. This is the second year in a row this result should've gone the other way. (Bears 24, Eagles 20)
Well, that'll surely blunt some of the blood hatred that this matchup always envokes. You forget sometimes what a violent game this is, and then you see that and Boldin the day before and you also start to realize that this has been happening a lot lately. Man, Ben's having flashbacks. Who is Carey Davis? Flacco's doing a few things. Wow. The Steelers have looked awful. Are those boos? One of the great things about sports is how situations can change lightning-fast. Flacco never realized the rush was coming - that's the first mistake he's made. McLain just bulldozed that poor guy, whoever that was. This was one heck of an escape job. (Steelers 23, Ravens 20, OT)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-3, W1): Finally! Of course, I had to sweat out MNF and the worst team Sven's ever had, but another big game from Larry Johnson and a Herculean effort from Delhomme gets the Seagulls their first win. Ocho Cinco's still going to the bench, though. Sidenote: The guy who had Favre didn't start him.
JackSux VI (3-1, W1): The opposite story here, as I handed Charlie his first loss of the season behnd Coles' massive game and another big passing day from Drew Brees.
RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (3-0) - Plaxico situation bears watching
2. Dallas (3-1) - Is the T.O. bomb about to go off?
3. Buffalo (4-0) - Why the heck not?
30. Oakland (1-3) - At this point, I feel like it's just the fact that Lane Kiffin's not old enough to know better... and I kind of admire that
31. Cincinnati (0-4) - Yep, the bad old days are back
32. St. Louis (0-4) - So they fire the head coach one week after he benches the starting quarterback... and elevate the guy who's running the defense that's given up 147 points
I don't have kids - and maybe that's the reason for what I'm about to say - and I can't imagine how Matt Bryant's doing this. This game's had a ridiculous number of swings. Wait, Flynn's in? I thought Brohm was the main backup. Not that it matters since none of the Packers' QBs have played more than eight games, but Flynn popping up there was not something anyone expected. (Buccaneers 30, Packers 21)
Um, when people thought they might see a quarterback change in this game, I doubt they were figuring it'd be the Bengals. Man. This game is terrible. I mean, it's really bad. OMG Chad scored a touchdown! He should have about four against this bunch. They've gotta be freezing him out. It's the only explanation. (Browns 20, Bengals 12)
I guarantee this wouldn't have happened if Elway wasn't marrying an ex-Raiders cheerleader. There should be a hole in space-time because of that, right? (Chiefs 33, Broncos 19)
I don't understand how Schoeneweis was allowed to park at the stadium, much less pitch in the eighth inning, especially to a guy who comes off the Marlins' bench seemingly for the sole purpose of hitting home runs. I don't know what the Shea Stadium equivalent of slicing rolls at Tony Luke's (which is what I'm convinced the Phillies had Adam Eaton doing last September) is, but he should have been doing that. (Marlins 4, Mets 2)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. I'M SERIOUS. This is how it's ended everywhere else for Warner. Meanwhile, Favre can't be stopped, and the Cardinals just got pwned on that play fake that the Jets went to Coles on. GUNSLINGER. Thirty-four points in one quarter? Are you kidding me?! This Cardinals rally is nice but it'd help if they, y'know, had more time. Also getting a stop might be a good thing to try, too. cringes Boldin might be lucky to be alive after that. The 34 is more impressive than the 56. Discuss. (Jets 56, Cardinals 35)
"Sorry, Lane. I'm just doing my job. You gotta appreciate that." "Nah - calling it your job don't make it right, Boss." (Chargers 28, Raiders 18)
I like that Aikman and I are of the same mind about the squib kick. Newman is getting used and abused here. Can you even fair-catch a kickoff? And why would you? And now we're back to the end of last year with the Cowboys where they inexplicably couldn't run the ball at all. Uh-oh. Here come the Redskins. "I was rooting for you all along, Butch." "Well, thank you, Flatnose. That's what sustained me in my time of trouble." (Redskins 26, Cowboys 24)
I don't know... I thought Olsen had it and it wasn't even all that close. Anyone think the touchdown play was designed so that DeSeasn would end up in the back of the end zone? I gotta say, Orton's been making good throws. I still maintain he can be successful in this league and should've been starting all along. I'm beginning to worry about Akers. The last three games the Eagles have given up a score in the last two minutes of the first half and I feel like that's why some other things have been happening. This is the bad night for DeSean that we all figured was going to happen at some point. He hasn't been the same since that muffed punt. What's with all these red-zone flameouts tonight? Is it last year again? I agree with going for it there. The play call... that I'm not sold on. On the other side, the Bears finally hold late in the game, which can only help their psyche. This is the second year in a row this result should've gone the other way. (Bears 24, Eagles 20)
Well, that'll surely blunt some of the blood hatred that this matchup always envokes. You forget sometimes what a violent game this is, and then you see that and Boldin the day before and you also start to realize that this has been happening a lot lately. Man, Ben's having flashbacks. Who is Carey Davis? Flacco's doing a few things. Wow. The Steelers have looked awful. Are those boos? One of the great things about sports is how situations can change lightning-fast. Flacco never realized the rush was coming - that's the first mistake he's made. McLain just bulldozed that poor guy, whoever that was. This was one heck of an escape job. (Steelers 23, Ravens 20, OT)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (1-3, W1): Finally! Of course, I had to sweat out MNF and the worst team Sven's ever had, but another big game from Larry Johnson and a Herculean effort from Delhomme gets the Seagulls their first win. Ocho Cinco's still going to the bench, though. Sidenote: The guy who had Favre didn't start him.
JackSux VI (3-1, W1): The opposite story here, as I handed Charlie his first loss of the season behnd Coles' massive game and another big passing day from Drew Brees.
RANKINGS
1. N.Y. Giants (3-0) - Plaxico situation bears watching
2. Dallas (3-1) - Is the T.O. bomb about to go off?
3. Buffalo (4-0) - Why the heck not?
30. Oakland (1-3) - At this point, I feel like it's just the fact that Lane Kiffin's not old enough to know better... and I kind of admire that
31. Cincinnati (0-4) - Yep, the bad old days are back
32. St. Louis (0-4) - So they fire the head coach one week after he benches the starting quarterback... and elevate the guy who's running the defense that's given up 147 points
Sunday, September 28, 2008
They're Getting Ballsy
I guess the fact that there's someone new on the Interwebs every single day keeps these scams going. But it takes a special kind of degenerate to put this particular twist on it:
Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:46 PM ( 1 week 3 days ago )
From "Mrs. Suha Arafat"
To undisclosed-recipients: ;
Subject Investment Programme
Dear Friend,
This mail may not be surprising to you if you have been following current events in the international media with reference to the Middle East and Palestine in particular. I'm Mrs. SUHA ARAFAT, the wife of YASSER ARAFAT
I personally deposited the sum of US$20 million dollars with a security firm in Europe whose name is withheld for now until we open communication. I shall be grateful if you could receive this fund into your bank account for safe keeping and Investment into real estates or any viable investment. This arrangement is known to you and my personal Attorney. He might be dealing with you directly for security reasons as the case may be. In view of the above, if you are willing to assist for our mutual benefits, we will have to negotiate on your Percentage share of the $20,000,000 that will be kept in your possession for a while and invested in your name for my trust pending when my Daughter, Zahwa, will come off age and take full responsibility of her Family Estate/inheritance.
I will greatly appreciate if you accept my proposal in good faith. Please include your tel, numbers to expedite action. Kindly reply through (arafatsuha26@yahoo.com.co)
Yours sincerely,
Mrs. Suha Arafat
Note that the first paragraph - particularly the part about the money transfers - is true. Hoo boy.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: The Big Bum Rush
Signal Finder: CIN @ NYG, ARZ @ WSH, TB @ CHI (end of regulation), PIT @ PHI
Good Lord. This may be the greatest day in Dolphins history since the last time they beat the Patriots. (Dolphins 38, Patriots 13)
I find it interesting that the announcers are still calling him 'Johnson.' Oh, wait, Gumbel referenced it, at least. Is Carson's nose broken again? Maybe, since he's been sacked six times. What about Pierce jumping offsides after realizing that the Giants only had 10 guys on the field? CHICANERY! Did that get deflected? OMG a touchdown pass from the Bengals! And the defense gives half of it back. Seriously. Is Carson freezing Chad out? Seemingly every pass in the fourth quarter has gone to T.J. This is the offense we're used to. Overtime! Can we get a better look at that sideline? No? OK. (Giants 26, Bengals 23)
So if Brian Griese threw 67 passes, that means the Bucs lost, right? Right? What? (Buccaneers 27, Bears 24, OT)
Usually when somebody steps on someone else's foot, it's the step-ee that takes the worst of it, not the stepper. Ben is getting killed out there. Where was this last week? Seems to me like Buckhalter's done that before. That exact move, even. Eagles fans will spend all year wondering "Is this it?" whenever anything happens to McNabb. Seriously, where was this last week? They're probably 3-0 if they get to Romo a couple times. These have been some unfortunate, if correct, replay reviews. The Steelers have been absolutely stifled. That's a clutch punt. It shouldn't have been called grounding because his knee was down in the end zone. The result's correct, but there's semantics involved. Why is Tomlin going for it? They're gonna have to kick a field goal at some point, and Reed's one of the better ones... odd. This is the third week in a row I've watched the Eagles and said afterwards, "Well. Wasn't expecting THAT." And I'm not sure what that means. (Eagles 15, Steelers 6)
I'm incredibly frightened right now. (Cowboys 27, Packers 9)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And learn to snap it while you're at it. AGAIN I SAY. And Cromartie should've had that one. How does he not bring that in? Lookit Jammer run. That one wasn't really Favre's fault - Cromartie made a great play to take it away there. There is a fairly large hole in the Chargers' kickoff coverage. That's gotta be one of the worst feelings in the world, to take it back that far and not make it. How much defense is actually being played? OK, THAT one you can put on Favre. Sproles just takes off like a rocket. Man, it's hard to argue against the Jets going for it there even though it didn't work. Uh-oh. They're rallying. (Sort of.) Blowing this one buries the Chargers, right? Well, that'll help. But here come the Jets right back. Again, holes in the kickoff coverage. Not enough time for it to happen now. Another flag? I think you can call a run now, Mangini. You're at the half-yard line for crying out loud. Seriously, is this some kind of record? AND WHY ARE THEY STILL IN THE SHOTGUN? And then they don't even get it. Serves 'em right. What a baffling sequence. This was the Chargers saying "We don't really think the 1-3 trick is going to work two years in a row." (Chargers 48, Jets 29)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (0-3, L3): This team is in shambles. My quarterbacks stink, my receivers stink, even my defenses are crap. At least Larry Johnson's not dead.
JackSux (2-1, L1): Johnny tore me to shreds. Or, rather, my own instincts tore me to shreds. I left 70 points on the bench in Brees (WTF Broncos, I thought your defense was good), Addai and McGahee (who wasn't even supposed to play this week). Rivers tried his hardest to rally the troops by himself on Monday night, though.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Dallas (3-0) - They may have flaws, but they haven't been exploited optimally yet
2. N.Y. Giants (3-0) - Still the forgotten champions
3. Denver (3-0) - Cutler's breaking out in a big-time way
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (0-3) - Junior Ford: "I'd fire Millen, but Dad won't let me."
31. Kansas City (0-3) - Does Tyler Thigpen even know who he is?
32. St. Louis (0-3) - What in the blue hell is going on here?
Good Lord. This may be the greatest day in Dolphins history since the last time they beat the Patriots. (Dolphins 38, Patriots 13)
I find it interesting that the announcers are still calling him 'Johnson.' Oh, wait, Gumbel referenced it, at least. Is Carson's nose broken again? Maybe, since he's been sacked six times. What about Pierce jumping offsides after realizing that the Giants only had 10 guys on the field? CHICANERY! Did that get deflected? OMG a touchdown pass from the Bengals! And the defense gives half of it back. Seriously. Is Carson freezing Chad out? Seemingly every pass in the fourth quarter has gone to T.J. This is the offense we're used to. Overtime! Can we get a better look at that sideline? No? OK. (Giants 26, Bengals 23)
So if Brian Griese threw 67 passes, that means the Bucs lost, right? Right? What? (Buccaneers 27, Bears 24, OT)
Usually when somebody steps on someone else's foot, it's the step-ee that takes the worst of it, not the stepper. Ben is getting killed out there. Where was this last week? Seems to me like Buckhalter's done that before. That exact move, even. Eagles fans will spend all year wondering "Is this it?" whenever anything happens to McNabb. Seriously, where was this last week? They're probably 3-0 if they get to Romo a couple times. These have been some unfortunate, if correct, replay reviews. The Steelers have been absolutely stifled. That's a clutch punt. It shouldn't have been called grounding because his knee was down in the end zone. The result's correct, but there's semantics involved. Why is Tomlin going for it? They're gonna have to kick a field goal at some point, and Reed's one of the better ones... odd. This is the third week in a row I've watched the Eagles and said afterwards, "Well. Wasn't expecting THAT." And I'm not sure what that means. (Eagles 15, Steelers 6)
I'm incredibly frightened right now. (Cowboys 27, Packers 9)
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And learn to snap it while you're at it. AGAIN I SAY. And Cromartie should've had that one. How does he not bring that in? Lookit Jammer run. That one wasn't really Favre's fault - Cromartie made a great play to take it away there. There is a fairly large hole in the Chargers' kickoff coverage. That's gotta be one of the worst feelings in the world, to take it back that far and not make it. How much defense is actually being played? OK, THAT one you can put on Favre. Sproles just takes off like a rocket. Man, it's hard to argue against the Jets going for it there even though it didn't work. Uh-oh. They're rallying. (Sort of.) Blowing this one buries the Chargers, right? Well, that'll help. But here come the Jets right back. Again, holes in the kickoff coverage. Not enough time for it to happen now. Another flag? I think you can call a run now, Mangini. You're at the half-yard line for crying out loud. Seriously, is this some kind of record? AND WHY ARE THEY STILL IN THE SHOTGUN? And then they don't even get it. Serves 'em right. What a baffling sequence. This was the Chargers saying "We don't really think the 1-3 trick is going to work two years in a row." (Chargers 48, Jets 29)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (0-3, L3): This team is in shambles. My quarterbacks stink, my receivers stink, even my defenses are crap. At least Larry Johnson's not dead.
JackSux (2-1, L1): Johnny tore me to shreds. Or, rather, my own instincts tore me to shreds. I left 70 points on the bench in Brees (WTF Broncos, I thought your defense was good), Addai and McGahee (who wasn't even supposed to play this week). Rivers tried his hardest to rally the troops by himself on Monday night, though.
RANKINGS
TOP 3:
1. Dallas (3-0) - They may have flaws, but they haven't been exploited optimally yet
2. N.Y. Giants (3-0) - Still the forgotten champions
3. Denver (3-0) - Cutler's breaking out in a big-time way
BOTTOM 3:
30. Detroit (0-3) - Junior Ford: "I'd fire Millen, but Dad won't let me."
31. Kansas City (0-3) - Does Tyler Thigpen even know who he is?
32. St. Louis (0-3) - What in the blue hell is going on here?
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 2: A Giant Spanner In The Works
Signal Finder: IND @ MIN, NYG @ STL, NE @ NYJ, SD @ DEN (end)
This is horrific. Seriously, I'm not sure the Rams secondary could cover us. Nice job by Holt to outfight Phillips for the touchdown and make things interesting, if only for a few minutes. (Giants 41, Rams 13)
Peterson's shredding the Colts right now. Not that it matters because the Vikings seem to be stuck between the 20s. Which is better than the Colts right now, who can't run the ball at all. The Colts are basically out of offensive linemen, right? Was that the longest delayed hook-and-ladder ever? Is it even technically a hoook-and-ladder at that point? Whoa. I don't think Addai made it. Neither do Gumbel and Dierdorf, who basically said if he did make it, it was by the slimmest margin possible ever. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "All Peyton has to do is do that one more time and they can win this game." Did you catch him on the sideline after Vinatieri missed? He was shaking his head and had this look on his face like "What else can go wrong today?" And then Longwell comes back and misses? What is going ON here? As a colleague of mine is fond of saying, "Field goals lose games." Vinatieri is basically Mariano Rivera at this point, right? (Colts 18, Vikings 15)
Man, leads are getting blown left and right here today.
Well, let's see how this goes. I'm expecting the Patriots to call six plays. The Jets don't need to be leaving points on the field like that. Where'd this Stuckey kid come from? I had to look up his name. Is it just me or have the Patriots been running the ball better ever since Maroney went out? The Jets must have five guys on Moss or something. GUNSLINGER. That pass was 10 yards short. Adalius Thomas sacking two guys at once was pretty great. So I guess they're going to do it with defense this time around? Is that it? It's a good plan if that's what that is. (Patriots 19, Jets 10)
And we come in just in time to see Cason make a nice play to pick off Cutler. Wait, that's a fumble, isn't it? He blew the whistle? I don't know if I take any comfort in the fact that he admitted he screwed up or not. Shanahan's going for two? (This caught Enberg completely off guard.) And the announcers don't know how much time is on the clock? Wow. Just wow. (Broncos 39, Chargers 38)
Who the hell is Logan Payne? Here's how bad the Rams are: Seattle's a 10-point favorite next week. (49ers 33, Seahawks 30, OT)
This weather looks eerily familiar. Michael Phelps pretty much has the NBC logo branded on his ass at this point, right? Wait, what? Ben's got a separated shoulder? No wonder he only throws eight passes a game. (Steelers 10, Browns 6)
That's not the way the Cowboys wanted to start. Three tight ends? I hope the Seahawks are taking notes. Maybe they only need one receiver after all. Nice coverage, Lito. rolls eyes I was left disappointed by the ESPN Deportes call of Felix's kickoff return. That kid's crazy fast, by the way. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Or just fall on it at the very least. I hope he doesn't handle Jessica that clumsily. Was that even 30 seconds? That's good play design to have T.O. end up one-on-one against Dawkins. PRO TIP: DeSean, the end zone is a different color than the rest of the field. Keep that in mind for next time, hmmm? Anyway, an Arena game appears to have broken out. Romo's gotten near-impeccable pass protection all night long. Things have calmed down considerably. And now Donovan's struggling with handoffs. I know you don't run the ball but still. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Nice spin move by Barber. It's kind of scary how little mileage he has on him relative to his experience. That hook-and-ladder didn't have enough ladders. This was the exact opposite of last year's game in Texas Stadium, which, again, I wasn't expecting. And let's put away the anointing oils for the Cowboys, while we're at it. (Cowboys 41, Eagles 37)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (0-2, L2): This Larry Johnson thing is cause for concern.
JackSux (2-0, W2): One bright spot from the DeSean Drop: It helped me beat Dupin (who has Jackson) by three points. If he scores that touchdown, I lose.
This is horrific. Seriously, I'm not sure the Rams secondary could cover us. Nice job by Holt to outfight Phillips for the touchdown and make things interesting, if only for a few minutes. (Giants 41, Rams 13)
Peterson's shredding the Colts right now. Not that it matters because the Vikings seem to be stuck between the 20s. Which is better than the Colts right now, who can't run the ball at all. The Colts are basically out of offensive linemen, right? Was that the longest delayed hook-and-ladder ever? Is it even technically a hoook-and-ladder at that point? Whoa. I don't think Addai made it. Neither do Gumbel and Dierdorf, who basically said if he did make it, it was by the slimmest margin possible ever. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "All Peyton has to do is do that one more time and they can win this game." Did you catch him on the sideline after Vinatieri missed? He was shaking his head and had this look on his face like "What else can go wrong today?" And then Longwell comes back and misses? What is going ON here? As a colleague of mine is fond of saying, "Field goals lose games." Vinatieri is basically Mariano Rivera at this point, right? (Colts 18, Vikings 15)
Man, leads are getting blown left and right here today.
Well, let's see how this goes. I'm expecting the Patriots to call six plays. The Jets don't need to be leaving points on the field like that. Where'd this Stuckey kid come from? I had to look up his name. Is it just me or have the Patriots been running the ball better ever since Maroney went out? The Jets must have five guys on Moss or something. GUNSLINGER. That pass was 10 yards short. Adalius Thomas sacking two guys at once was pretty great. So I guess they're going to do it with defense this time around? Is that it? It's a good plan if that's what that is. (Patriots 19, Jets 10)
And we come in just in time to see Cason make a nice play to pick off Cutler. Wait, that's a fumble, isn't it? He blew the whistle? I don't know if I take any comfort in the fact that he admitted he screwed up or not. Shanahan's going for two? (This caught Enberg completely off guard.) And the announcers don't know how much time is on the clock? Wow. Just wow. (Broncos 39, Chargers 38)
Who the hell is Logan Payne? Here's how bad the Rams are: Seattle's a 10-point favorite next week. (49ers 33, Seahawks 30, OT)
This weather looks eerily familiar. Michael Phelps pretty much has the NBC logo branded on his ass at this point, right? Wait, what? Ben's got a separated shoulder? No wonder he only throws eight passes a game. (Steelers 10, Browns 6)
That's not the way the Cowboys wanted to start. Three tight ends? I hope the Seahawks are taking notes. Maybe they only need one receiver after all. Nice coverage, Lito. rolls eyes I was left disappointed by the ESPN Deportes call of Felix's kickoff return. That kid's crazy fast, by the way. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Or just fall on it at the very least. I hope he doesn't handle Jessica that clumsily. Was that even 30 seconds? That's good play design to have T.O. end up one-on-one against Dawkins. PRO TIP: DeSean, the end zone is a different color than the rest of the field. Keep that in mind for next time, hmmm? Anyway, an Arena game appears to have broken out. Romo's gotten near-impeccable pass protection all night long. Things have calmed down considerably. And now Donovan's struggling with handoffs. I know you don't run the ball but still. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Nice spin move by Barber. It's kind of scary how little mileage he has on him relative to his experience. That hook-and-ladder didn't have enough ladders. This was the exact opposite of last year's game in Texas Stadium, which, again, I wasn't expecting. And let's put away the anointing oils for the Cowboys, while we're at it. (Cowboys 41, Eagles 37)
FANTASY REPORT
aPaFL (0-2, L2): This Larry Johnson thing is cause for concern.
JackSux (2-0, W2): One bright spot from the DeSean Drop: It helped me beat Dupin (who has Jackson) by three points. If he scores that touchdown, I lose.
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