Sunday, December 22, 2024

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: Left Over

Drake London breaks three tackles and scores. OK. Gotta say, Quinyon Mitchell covered Mike Evans a lot better than that. Did Koo kick his leg out with the 58-yarder last week? Touchdown Mooney, who has suddenly become great.

Even the TNF Twitch chat knows how "Vox Machina" is pronounced. Luda in the house! Evans falls on a Godwin fumble. McLaughlin tacks on three more. Lasers for Jimmy Carter's 100th. Big run by Bijan to end the third. Allgaier loses two yards on third and 2. Falcons go for it, and Mooney breaks a tackle and he's got his second touchdown tonight. We're tied at 27. McLaughlin puts the Buccaneers ahead. Koo from 54 to tie it. It's BLOCKED. He's had a weird night. Fumble! Falcons recover! Mooney with a bad drop. Lavonte David picks off Cousins! There's the prime time Kirk we know and love. Why couldn't he throw that against the Eagles? Life would be so much better. Bucs utterly squander this — 4th and 24? — then punt it into the end zone. McCloud fumbles and the ball goes out of bounds, which doesn't stop the clock. Falcons have to spike it with 21 seconds left. They throw it over the middle? What? Get down, London. They somehow spike it with a second left! Koo from 47 to tie. Delay of game on the Falcons? Terry McAulay's not sure why the Falcons thought the play clock would reset. It just doesn't happen in this situation. Now it's a 52-yarder. It's GOOD. Falcons win the OT toss. London's hurt? Cousins hits... Khadarel Hodge, who outruns the defense and scores!

Cousins threw for HOW many yards? 509? So much for this Bucs defense.

(Falcons 36, Buccaneers 30, OT)

Pick-six for... Van Ginkel? Wow, Aaron.


Reichard makes a 53-yarder to make it 20-10. Rodgers gets sacked. Darnold's been missing guys pretty badly this half. That's probably why the Vikings haven't done much since the first quarter. I also haven't seen them run the ball with Jones out. And then Darnold gets picked off! He's not good enough to actually complete that pass with three guys around Addison. Rodgers almost gives it back by making the same mistake. Wilson drops a touchdown but Stephon Gilmore was all over him and there's the obvious flag. Touchdown Wilson. Sauce still not on the field. Reichard makes it 23-17. Rodgers badly overthrows Wilson. Gilmore picks him off! Sam Darnold's gonna beat the Jets.

(Vikings 23, Jets 17)

The Colts are down Richardson, Taylor, and their entire starting defensive front. This felt like a game Doug had to win. (Jaguars 37, Colts 34)

Lamar drops the snap, picks it up, gets chased 20 yards back, runs to the near sideline, JUMPS, and somehow finds Likely for a touchdown! The Bengals' defense has cratered this season. It's shocking. Burrow gets picked off! Tucker from 56. It's GOOD. Overtime. Lamar FUMBLES! Bengals have it! A 53-yarder? I don't think this is a great idea. McPherson misses BADLY. Replay shows the holder dropped the snap and barely got the ball even somewhat stood up. HENRY. To the 5! Ravens waste no time and bring out Tucker for a chip shot 24-yarder. It's GOOD. (Ravens 41, Bengals 38, OT)


It's actually shocking how bad he's become. (Commanders 34, Browns 13)

Hey, maybe the Chiefs could trade for Romeo Doubs, who's been suspended for this game due to missing at least two practices last week and reportedly not being happy with his role. Love with a BOMB to Reed to the 1! Touchdown Jacobs. Stafford misses high on third and goal. They go for it, and Stafford misses high AGAIN. This punt snap almost goes over the Packers' punter's head, but he catches it, but the play is blown dead anyway. Blake Corum showing why Kyren Williams is the Rams' goal-line back. And Wiliams scores on the next play. Nantz says he grew up a ST. LOUIS Rams fan. Young gets to Love on a speed rush and bumps him in the end zone, then when Love tries to get rid of it, he throws it right to a Rams defender, who walks in for a touchdown. PAT is BLOCKED! Rams lead 13-10 at halftime. Williams fumbles and McKinney's on it. Love finds Tyler Kraft, who stiff-arms two guys and strolls into the end zone. Packers back in front, 17-13. McKinney with another interception. He's had one in every game this season? Replay assist gives Kraft his second touchdown of the game. The ball crossed the plane before his elbow hit. (Packers 24, Rams 19)

OH NO GIANTS. Rayshawn Jenkins picks up the fumble and returns it 101 YARDS for a touchdown. And then Daniel Jones just decided to go off. Seahawks try to tie it but it's BLOCKED. Giants pick it up. They're gonna score! JEBUS. (Giants 29, Seahawks 20)

Weather delay at the Confluence. That lightning bolt is RIGHT ON TOP of the stadium. It might be INSIDE it. At 8:35 Melissa reports that the teams are being sent food. Maria says what I'm thinking: "I don't think I would be able to eat before a game like this."


Jason Garrett at 9:11: "Every time we cut to the stadium, it's getting worse!" Now we're hearing a 9:45 kickoff. That's gotta be hell out there. The studio crew really wants to eat. We're going to the stadium! Celine Dion did the opening and got a Gatorade shower afterwards. 16 minutes to kickoff. Cris: "I've already ordered breakfast." Let Maria eat! Cowboys win the toss and... take the ball? That's happening a little more this season. Aubrey hits from 56 (!) Cowboys don't have Parsons or Lawrence, and they already can't stop the run. Boswell ties it. Cowboys get tricky and try to catch the Steelers off guard, but Dak throws it to nobody and gets called for intentional grounding. They also got a first down on the previous play but it was spotted short, and may have been changed if the Cowboys hadn't rushed it. Semualo gets pancaked and Fields fumbles, Tirico thinks the Cowboys have it, but Fields comes out of the pile with it. McCarthy challenges, which means he'll lose. He's so bad at this. Call STANDS because Fields recovered it. Sick catch by Lamb on the sideline. Watt and Herbig sack Dak, who coughs it up, and the Steelers recover to end the first quarter. T.J. gets credited with a half-sack, giving him 100 for his career. Dak to Jalen Tolbert for 48. Donte Jackson jumps in front of Lamb and picks it off at the 1! LOL.

Steelers are content to go into the locker room down 6-3. Fields gets pasted by Wheat and Kyle Allen's gotta come in for at least one play. He hits Freiermuth for 19 and then Fields returns. Touchdown Connor Heyward, who Fields missed for a potential big play earlier in the game. Boswell barely makes the PAT. Lamb was not happy with Dak about something on that last drive. Big play to Turpin. Minkah Fitzpatrick's not had a great night. Aubrey's field goal is blocked! Back-to-back false starts on the Cowboys. Rico Dowdle takes this pass into the end zone. Joey Porter Jr. picks off a Dak deep ball. Fields finds Pickens after looking off Najee Harris, and he gets hit out of bounds after a good pickup. Cris thought there may have been a pick, but the flag is on the Cowboys for a late hit out of bounds. Shovel pass to Freiermuth goes for a touchdown. Ferguson. HUNTER LUEPKE. The Steelers can't stick to anyone on defense any more, and if the Cowboys score a touchdown, they're going to run out of time. (We're somehow down to 52 seconds left.) Dak keeps it himself but doesn't make the pylon. Even McCarthy wouldn't call a pass play here, right? Tomlin lets 10 seconds run off the clock, as Dak was ruled down inbounds. Luepke gets rocked and fumbles! Dak falls on it, but the Cowboys are back at the 5. Tomlin calls their last time out. Dak throws low to Tolbert. Fourth and goal. Touchdown Tolbert! That's unfortunate. The Steelers jump offside twice on the PAT trying to time it for the block. It's finally kicked through. (Cowboys 20, Steelers 17)

Carr throws up a dying quail and Bryan Cook intercepts it. You still gotta cover Kelce, guys. Touchdown Kareem Hunt. She's here with her dad, just below the broadcast booth. Looking fancy tonight for some reason. Touchdown Shaheed. Weber State has football? The Chiefs' Wanya Morris and The Saints' Will Harris get hurt on back-to-back plays, and Morris is back in. Kelce hook and ladder?



And then Hunt picks up fourth and 1 after it was 2nd and 34. Butker field goal makes it 13-7. The ensuing Saints possession takes 20 seconds. Mahomes finds Juju and they're in field goal range. Now they're inside the 20. Exterior shot shows that Joe and Troy in fact, really are right above Taylor's suite. Chiefs get another field goal to end the half, and the ball to start the second half. Somehow that's apparently not DPI on Adebo against Worthy. Field goal is good. Paul Rudd asks Peyton about hating the Chiefs when he played for the Broncos, and Peyton says, yeah, you hate the Chiefs, the Raiders, and the Chargers when you're in Denver. Rudd's dad was one of those dads who left the game with 10 minutes left to beat the traffic. There's a flag on Adebo. Rudd predicts Kelce gets the touchdown here. Kelce comes out on second down, and Juju drops the pass right into the hands of Khalen Saunders, who is a very large man on the Saints who wears No. 50. He is RUMBLING. He takes it back to the 40!

Touchdown Foster Moreau. Rudd is sick, as he predicted that the Saints wouldn't score a touchdown here. Saints miss the extra point! It's 16-13. Hey, Archie's on! "Does Mom know you're doing this tonight?" Big catch and run by Juju. Touchdown Worthy off a direct snap to Kelce and Pop's on the board with his prediction. Here's some video of Peyton in eighth grade doing the tango poorly in a play. Mahomes dives for a first down while Carr is walked to the locker room. Another Butker field goal. Jake Haener in for the Saints. Mahomes says he'll be at the Royals game Thursday. (Chiefs 26, Saints 13)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Minnesota (5-0) — Overseas? No problem
2. Kansas City (5-0) — Easy enough, I suppose
3. Detroit (3-1) — Doesn't feel like a fluke to me
4. Houston (4-1) — FIFTY-NINE YARDS!

BOTTOM 4:
29. New England (1-4) — That loss to the Dolphins was a mess
30. Cleveland (1-4) — Is this sustainable?
31. Jacksonville (1-4) — A win!
32. Carolina (1-4) —Everyone here is in over their heads

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