Sunday, October 2, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Numbers and Names

The Browns roll the dice and Brissett finds Cooper in the back of the end zone.



PICKENS! That's the Odell Beckham Jr. catch. Touchdown Harris after the flag is on the Browns.





They're gonna call Cooper out of bounds here. What was THAT? Touchdown Njoku. CLANG! Bet the Browns lose by one now. Trubisky: "Fine. I'll do it myself." But I think this is gonna be marked short. Al: "You might try a 62-yard field goal indoors, but not out here in Cleveland." 14-13 Steelers at halftime. Whoa! Touchdown Chubb and it's 23-14 Browns. Maybe they won't blow it.


This Steelers offense isn't working. Yep, still plenty of time to blow this. Steelers correctly try the field goal with 1:51 left down nine. Browns had 12 men on the field, making it 4th and 1 and I actually wondered for a second if they might fake it. I need psychiatric help. Onside kick goes out of bounds. AL: "I'm not writing a finish to any game these days." Wait, what? "Chad Johnson Presents the Player of the Game With New Madden Rating?" I HAVE to see this. Why are we bothering with this spot? This lasted so long the Browns ended up punting with nine seconds left. Pitchy pitchy woo woo turns in to a Browns touchdown. Al: "There's no extra point, but that may be meaningful to some of you."


Chad's out here actually announcing live adjustments to Brissett's ratings. This is wild. He's a 72 OVR now! (Browns 29, Steelers 17)

Signal Finder: PHI @ WSH, JAX @ LAC, DET @ MIN (end), GB @ TB

An unlocked Curtis Samuel (which the Panthers could never quite do) could make this Commanders offense dangerous. Sweat ends the first drive with a sack. Camera guys seem a step slow in the early going. This man's name is "Wildgoose"? OK then. I hadn't yet mentioned that this Commanders offensive line isn't great and the Eagles have three sacks in a row. Now a false start. Smith back to return this particular punt. Gets 13 on the return. Graham comes in with a sack to end this Commanders drive. Hurts with a deep lob to Smith for 45! The challenge flag is on the field but the Eagles get the play off too quickly. They have replay of this, of all things, and the flag did come out after the snap. Oh man, I think they would have won that challenge.


The St-Juste kid has been good for Washington so far. Field goal is good. They get to Wentz AGAIN and he fumbles! Eagles have it!



Screen to Goedert and that's a touchdown. Wentz finally just takes off out of the pocket but Edwards lays him out. Covey muffs the punt and falls on it at the 5. Eagles go no-huddle and get to the red zone in five plays. Fourth and 1 and they go for it. Jet sweep to Pascal? Don't like that. And it didn't work. Hey, the ticker finally showed up. Wentz fumbles again but recovers this one. Schlereth wants the Commanders to shorten Wentz's dropbacks.



A Wildgoose and a Cheeseman. I have questions that I'm not sure have answers. Smith! Brown goes after the ball and gets it. Touchdown. SO many Alabama guys in this game. The Eagles did this at the end of the first half last week, too — started in a bad spot and worked their way downfield. Smith doing his best Brown impression for 41. Play clock's frozen? Now the game clock's frozen. Eagles go for it after a Hurts keeper on third down doesn't work, and Smith goes up and gets the touchdown! 24-0 at halftime.





CALCATERRA FOR 40. I'm erect. Smith has more yards than the Commanders. They finally find McLaurin deep. Bad drop by Dotson on third down, who's been really good so far as a rookie. First field goal is taken off the board after an Eagles personal foul. Gibson loses six yards to end the third quarter. Wentz scrambles to the 2. Shovel pass to Logan Thomas is STOPPED. Safety as Boston Scott had no chance. Eagles getting sloppy on the back end. Another sack. And ANOTHER one on 4th and 22. NINE now as Edwards gets in on it. That's the most Wentz has been sacked in his career, and the previous mark (8) happened against Washington. Late touchdown but the two-point try is intercepted by Epps. This will NOT be a Scorigami (which Adam Amin name checks), but it's only the second time this score has happened. (Eagles 24, Commanders 8)

That's a late hit on Tua and his head hits the turf hard. Is this a possible concussion?


And now we've got the Dolphins punter kicking a ball off the up man's butt. Harlan: "It gives a new meaning to kicking you know what." (Dolphins 21, Bills 19)

So Rihanna is headlining the Super Bowl halftime show, according to... well, her.



What was the penalty on Chris Jones What did he actually do? I saw it and I still don't know.


(Colts 20, Chiefs 17)

Goff throws up a prayer that Metillus intercepts after just missing the previous one. That's rough. (Vikings 28, Lions 24)


Look, is Herbert playing or not? Someone fire a cannon in the harbor? What was that? Herbert IS playing. Jamal Agnew's been a top-five Jaguar ever since he got there. Interception on a bad throw from Herbert. Jags settle for another field goal. 6-0. Herbert gets hit and fumbles... and it's Jaguars ball. Lawrence rolls right and finds Zay Jones for a touchdown. Herbert looking much better on this drive. Touchdown Williams. This Evan Engram catch in the end zone is being looked at. I think his right foot's off the ground. Call REVERSED. Pederson doesn't go for it and instead sends the field goal team out. It's good and it's 16-7 with 1:04 left in the half. Herbert throws a bomb on the run to Guyton for 55! Field goal barely makes it. James Robinson snaps off a 50-yard touchdown run.


Touchdown Kirk! Engram catches the two-point pass. Jags kind of pouring it on here, which I didn't expect.


And it's not 2020 Doug Pederson, who may have been the worst head coach in the NFL that season, and that was a year where Adam Gase, Doug Marrone, and Vic Fangio still had jobs. I don't see a reason to keep Herbert in. (Jaguars 38, Chargers 10)

Nice hat, Erin. It's HOT down there.


Mike Evans is suspended this week along with Godwin and Julio Jones being hurt. Cole Beasley already in on this fourth and 1 for Tampa, who is in the shotgun. Quick pass to Brady converts it. Kyle Rudolph's still in the league? Field goal is good. Touchdown Doubs after a big catch by Cobb. (Doubs recovered his own fumble earlier to keep the drive going.) No way the Bucs had 84 scouted. Slant to Lazard is good for six. Packers doing whatever they feel like so far. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Jones fumbles at the 1.


And then the Buccaneers give it right back. 14-3 Packers at halftime. But they won't have Jaire Alexander, who's out with a groin injury. Gage fumbles ands the Packers recover. They don't do anything with it, but the punt pins the Bucs at their 1. The hell was that, Aaron? Really bad interception there. Bucs only get three out of it, though. Both offenses have ceased to function. Brady takes off. Look at this old man try to run. Such a labored gait. And it's called back because of a hold. Aaron Jones gets stonewalled. So much for field goal range. Packers lose Fournette twice on this drive. Touchdown Gage! Olsen calls it a "second window" throw. They just got that play off. They line up for two and they do NOT get this one off! Now they have to go for it from the 7 and the pass is broken up! I don't understand how either of those situations happen. The game clock's not running! You don't have to bleed the play clock! (Packers 14, Buccaneers 12)


A ROGUE DRONE? Really? One of these teams needs to sign it. (Falcons 27, Seahawks 23)



The tides, they move. So does Jeff Wilson, who's starting for Elijah Mitchell. Kittle back. Touchdown Aiyuk. Broncos aren't doing much so far. Well, that just changed with a big play to Sutton. Miscommunication between Wilson and Jeudy on that one. McManus hits from 55. Uh-oh, Deebo's down. He's up, but he got piled on on that play. That's a good punt and a good bat out of the end zone. It didn't hit the end line that I can see. The Broncos challenge the spot, and they'll probably lose. Russ with the casual flip to Melvin Gordon while being tackled. NBD. Blitz swallows him up. FUMBLE but the Broncos can't do anything with it and have to punt. They weren't even 10 yards from a field goal! Safety! Garoppolo pulled an Orlovsky! Then the pass got intercepted but it won't count. AND Trent Williams is now down.


Tirico read this on air. Wilson misses Jeudy after a decent drive. McManus MISSES right after Tirico notes that there's only been one 7-5 final. 3:45 left in the third seems early to be bringing that up.


The 49ers' offense has also mostly sucked tonight. 0-for-7 on third downs after that failure. Oh, this is where Brian Griese landed. I forgot. The 49ers don't have an offensive coordinator? Maybe they should get one.


Gould hits from 51, making it 10-5. Jeudy drops a deep ball that replay shows was tipped just before it got to him. Wilson scrambles but comes up short. Broncos challenge, saying that he extended the ball to the first down marker. Call STANDS. Sick catch by Juszczyk on the sideline while being blanketed by Chubb. That foot control! Wilson finds Kendall Hinton downfield. He scrambles for 12 on 3rd and 8.



Same. Touchdown Melvin Gordon! Garoppolo gets intercepted with 2:06 left!


Broncos force a punt. It's muffed! Fortunately the 49ers keep it because it would have been over otherwise. Garoppolo gets sacked for 12 yards. Then Jeff Wilson fumbles and the Broncos recover. That's it, thankfully.


Padres-Rockies was 13-6, for comparison. (Broncos 11, 49ers 10)

Bella Cosal. Thanks, Joe. Gonna look her up RIGHT NOW. No Dalton Schultz for the Cowboys, and Gallup won't be back tonight, either. Anthony Barr's a Cowboy? What? Gano tries a 47-yarder but it's blocked. So the first two drives start off well but ultimately lead to nothing. Noah Brown with some big catches on this drive, including a nice leaping one early on. Cowboys look disorganized and Elliott gets two after having to rush a play. Field goal is good.


Matt Brieda's a Giant? What? Gano ties it at 3. Jason Peters in at left guard for the Cowboys, and Pollard makes a big run to the left side. Drive ends with another field goal. Aikman on David Sills wearing No. 13: "He will not be confused with Odell Beckham, Jr." Zeke gets 27 on a toss on 3rd and 12. OK then. Lamb drops a touchdown. Cowboys pass on a 58-yarder and line up to punt, then take the delay of game penalty. I don't understand that. (Moving yourself five yards back on purpose, not passing on the 58-yarder.) Kenny Golladay is under the doghouse. Lawrence sacks Jones. Jones escapes another sack and finds... Golladay, of all people. But it's coming back.


Meanwhile, Trayvon Diggs is down. And he's down because of the flag, which was Shepard jumping into him. Nobody in the booth likes the call, but if Diggs had done that to Shepard, it'd be a penalty, too. Now the clock stops because the chains are in the wrong place. Giants go for it but Golladay can't bring it in.


Cowboys get Maher set up for a 59-yarder, but he misses left. Buck's talking to Jimmy Kimmel, who's in New York this week. Blitz gets to Jones after he picked up 12 yards on a scramble. Diggs misses a pick and Shepherd gets 20, but the Giants can't convert third down. Gano hits from 51. This game blows.


Now we've got offsetting penalties after a scuffle where Shepard came onto the field for no reason. Touchdown Barkley. "Hendershot?" What are these names this week? At least the offenses seem to be waking up. Touchdown Elliott. Wait, that's a penalty? That's stupid. Cowboys line up to go on 4th and 4 but the Giants call time out. Pass to Lamb is right at the sticks. Whoa! Lamb with a one-handed grab in the corner for a touchdown. This a fumble? Looks like a fumble. No challenge? You have to at least try, right? Mike McCarthy, everybody! Now it's 23-13 Cowboys. Eli's urging the Giants to go no-huddle. The Cowboys... go out of bounds? I'm not convinced that was intentional, as dude was in the air for a full second, but that's not ideal. They punt with 1:51 left. Giants' two-minute drill going poorly so far. Intercepted.


Shepard's on a cart? Jeez. Rough night for him. Oh God, there wasn't anyone near him and he just grabbed his knee. And now we got another scrum at the end of the game. (Cowboys 23, Giants 16)
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