Thursday, October 29, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: Foreseen Delays

Rookie mistake by Tyler Lockett — completely open on the right side and he cut inside instead of going upfield. Cost him probably 10 more yards. This is the first time Lynch has been at full power for about a month. 4th and inches? Oh, this is perilous. I mean, I thought they got it on second down but whatever. Look, it's not a TOUCHDOWN. I mean, you could try a bootleg. Beast Mode Air! Wait, Lynch is throwing up on the sideline and it's "not uncommon"? The hell?


To Simms's later point, Graham does seem to have found himself these last couple of weeks. Kaepernick's sudden surge seems to have been halted. He can't hit anyone right now. Except, apparently, his own trainer. Meanwhile, Wilson may still not survive this season behind this line. The Seahawks have a Lockett and a Lockette, and a Wilson and a Willson. At some point they're doing this on purpose to piss us all off. Lockett just outjumped that dude. This 49ers offense just isn't doing anything. The 49ers have the safeties that can actually deal with Graham, so that'll be interesting to watch going forward. That looked like a bad decision by Wilson but it's more good play by Brock. Sammy Hagar was the halftime entertainment. OK. I mean, I know why the 49ers can't really run the ball without impunity because they're down 17-0 but they should at least try it. Or maybe not. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


Then Wilson comes back and airmails another interception. That throw is not his strong suit. Hey, Kaepernick completed a pass! And look at him throwing blocks for Hyde. I actually don't mind kicking the field goal here because they've only had one good drive all night and it's this one. The Seahawks offensive line cannot afford to lose Okung. He's, like, they're only good player up there. Fortunately this 49ers defense isn't good any more. Well, I shouldn't go that far, maybe. They did hold the Seahawks to three. Earl Thomas sounds like a fan of the New Day in these clips. Nantz: "We asked Kaepernick if there was any bad blood between the 49ers and the Seahawks, and he lied." I mean, why punt there?


I also don't quite understand why the Seahawks are passing at this point. I guess I shouldn't really be surprised that Lynch broke 100 yards. I admit I haven't been paying attention.


The Niners are tanking. Also, stop the presses, the Seahawks didn't blow a fourth-quarter lead. Progress! (Seahawks 20, 49ers 3)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ NE, NO @ IND, TB @ WAS, DAL @ NYG

Ivory loses five yards. Fitzpatrick fumbles.


The Patriots are getting a touchdown off of this, right? No, they won't, actually. This is already quite a bounce back by the Jets.


Fitzpatrick threw that way too early. Good Lord, that should have been intercepted three times. That's a Patriots-level break the Jets just got. It's "Ben-OYST"? I thought it was "Ben-o-eest." The second one sounds better. Ivory's been silenced so far. OUCH. And again Ivory comes up short. He got the first down, though, apparently. The Patriots' corners... struggle in coverage.


Tom Brady running is always hilarious. ALWAYS. That quarterback sneak was perfect. Oh man, a ball spot challenge. Yeah, Decker's short but I'll need to see where they put the ball the first time. Good challenge, Belichick. Take notes, Sean Payton (see below.) Why do people still think Brandon LaFell is good? They're working on Ivory's leg on the Jets' sideline. No Jet can hang with Gronk physically. Buster Skrine to Edelman: "Nah, son." And then Pryor hit LaFell after he caught a great throw from Brady. And now the Jets are gonna challenge THIS spot, and they should, because this one's short. This time the Patriots settle for three. Yeah, Ivory doesn't have it. Edelman just did his LaFell impression in the end zone. I feel like Geno Smith's never getting his job back. Ivory with a receiving touchdown! ANOTHER dropped pass. If the Patriots don't win this game, that's why, right there. Look at the Jets driving. Yeah, Decker may have read that one wrong. And Marshall has a touchdown bounce off his hands. Is it cold up there or something? Gronk just dragged that poor dude about eight yards. Touchdown or not, Brady threaded the proverbial needle on that pass to Amendola. The Jets needed to do something on this drive and they haven't done enough. Now Brady's using Amendola to put some ice on this. HOW DO YOU LEAVE GRONK THAT OPEN? You deserve to lose when you screw up like that. Why bother with a field goal now? THEY RECOVERED THE ONSIDE KICK?!?! It went through Collins' legs. Never mind. (Patriots 30, Jets 23)

I wouldn't challenge this. Not now. It's the first quarter. And Watson put that one on the turf, too. Is Payton challenging THIS one, too? Who does he think he is, Andy Reid? And now he's lost them both. We're halfway through the first quarter. FAKE FIELD GOAL ALERT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. And the Saints salvage it. A whole lot of bad there — Brees started running, stopped, threw it while moving backwards and it got intercepted, but the Colts got caught holding and the Saints get the ball back. Time out Saints — and now they don't have any more of those, either. Of course, as bad as the Colts look so far, it may not matter. And they just coughed up the kickoff return. They're terribly hung over. And another touchdown. Could the Colts actually not win the AFC South? They look terrible.




What happened there? Miscommunication between Brees and Colston? And that's a heads-up and feet-down play by Davis to stay in the end zone so it's a turnover. How does a former offensive lineman build a team that gets pushed around so easily? The Colts suddenly have a chance to do something. And nope. Luck underthrows one and it gets picked off. Are... are those boos? Keep in mind, this is against a BAD Saints team AT HOME. Mark Ingram just ran over the Colts defense twice. He's got 136 yards on NINE carries! And after all that, the Colts still almost came back. These teams aren't good. (Saints 27, Colts 21)




Oh, we've been switched? Wait, weren't the Bucs up 24-0 at one point? This is actually the most points the Redskins have scored in the third quarter this season by a LOT. Good job stemming the tide with a field goal. I see the Redskins are wearing those non-standard burgundy jerseys. You know who's good is Mike Evans. And Doug Martin just broke off a big run. He wants a new nickname. Let's help him out, friends. That's a BIG stop on 3rd and goal.


Cousins hasn't missed too many passes today and the Bucs seem to be letting him do it for some reason. They've got corners playing 10 yards off the receivers. Don't blitz NOW! Christ. Heck, the Redskins could call a run here. TOUCHDOWN. Absolutely brutal defensive series by the Buccaneers. Why are they throwing to the middle of the field? FUMBLE. What a fitting ending to that horror show. (Redskins 31, Buccaneers 30)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Let's Rule Of Three Texans-Dolphins:








Yeah, the Texans have completely lost the plot. (Dolphins 44, Texans 26)

That Giants drive started well but... yeah. It's Matt Cassel time! Witten just bounced off some dude. The Giants can't stop the Cowboys' running game right now. I really feel like the Cowboys should have gotten a touchdown there. Matt Harvey in the house! Buck: "That's the way we used to look." Seriously, Erin's hair hasn't been that long in nine months. Tripping? There's no need for that. Dude's name is "Clutts." Say that out loud, people. Hey, a Terrence Williams sighting. That blitz exposed the middle of the field for Reuben Randle. Orleans Darqua? Who? Did I even spell that right? (I didn't. It's Darkwa.) The Giants have 19 running backs and no linebackers, it seems. Dude is beasting right now. Can't deny how fantasy has taken over the sport. He just scored a touchdown! FOURTH WALL, JOE. (I'm actually surprised Buck's calling this game in the middle of the baseball playoffs. I suspect that if the ALCS had gone to Game 7 last night, he wouldn't be here.) Lot of anger and bitterness right now. And of course Meriwether's involved. Touchdown Cowboys because.



Two straight restarts, two straight disasters. They decided Logano won and these are some half-hearted burnouts.

McClain knows he's the guilty one. OH NO. It went off his foot? Oh, hang on. This may come back, actually. Yep, incomplete. Harris just cut the Cowboys up. That only works once, Beckham. Only. Once. That field goal is good. Cassel just did his best impression of Weeden there. AND AGAIN.




Meriwether will never have an easier interception. Reuben Randle with the one-handed catch! Of Cassel's three interceptions, that one was the least bad, if that's a legal phrase. Some fine footwork by Cowboys receivers on this drive, both Williams and Street on the touchdown catch. This hasn't been a great game but now it's tied. And now it UNtied. Was that Harris again? Oh man, someone was motivated to play against his former team, you think? Oh, what's this? Greg Hardy and Dez Bryant in a sideline argument. Who do you root for in that one?


Dez, apparently. And Beasley muffs the punt! This one's done. And somehow this is the first time this has happened since... 2012?


(Giants 27, Cowboys 20)

Yeah, run that sweep with Sproles, Chip. Make a call already. Stewart just treated the Eagles' defense like it was the Giants'. So Corey Brown used to be Philly Brown. Good decision. Cam and the Newtonians? One Cam Gang? We need a name for these guys. Well, that's no good. Jason Peters seems to be aging rapidly. SPEED? Is he down, though? They ruled it an interception? I'm not sure about this.


So it IS an interception. The Eagles have also had some success throwing to their backs. Heck, Murray caught 77 passes last year in addition to all the carries. Oh no. Oh this is bad. Irony: The Panthers actually helped the Eagles get Peters by giving them an additional first-round pick that the Eagles sent to the Bills the following year. Cam has 1,000 rushing yards on third down alone? Wow. They're saying it's Peters' lower back? That's... strange. You can't let Keuchly come at you unblocked. I don't get calling a Bradford run there on 3rd down. The Panthers may have just bailed the Eagles out here with that time out. They're going for it? The surprise is genuine. Bradford made it! I'm shocked. Charles Tillman's still playing. Good for him. Ryan Mathews is trending up; Jordan Matthews is trending down. This is painful. I didn't expect a lot of scoring, but, you know.



Sturgis from 52? Good! That is not so good. I'm not sure I understand how that ever happens. SPEED! And then they faked the double reverse on the next play. It didn't work. I, like Cris, am also surprised the refs didn't throw a personal foul flag there. Guess they didn't buy Cam's acting job either. The SAME DUDE? That's dangerous, Cam, even though it worked.


I don't know why they're reviewing this one — they got it right the first time. Brown was out of bounds. That explanation made absolutely no sense. Jenkins interception?! Gotta capitalize on this one. Yeah it was uncatchable because you interfered with him. Now Sproles has the drops. That ball was thrown a little too high — Matthews couldn't get completely under it. IS there a Most Improved Player award in the NFL? Because I have to think Josh Norman's got that locked up if there is. Guy's been awesome. Still, the Eagles got much-needed points. Squib kick?
The Panthers picked up that blitz and stuffed it. Remember when they were going to start flagging offensive players who lowered their heads to initiate contact? Yeah, me neither. Tolbert's a big dude but I don't know how that first tackle was missed. That feels like it could be it. Never mind — Mathews just broke one OFF.


We know. Oh, we know. Then Maxwell and Thurmond collide, but Devin Funchess gets rookie butterfingers and Maxwell ends up with it. (He REALLY needed that.) That's a tough throw for Huff to handle, being only 5'9" or whatever he is. Now on this drive, Bradford suddenly looks competent. Except just now when he threw that pass to literally no one. Yeah, we haven't heard Jared Allen's name tonight. What was THAT? And then Sturgis misses from 50.


Not ideal. That's the danger with facing Cam Newton. He can do that whenever he wants to. I don't get giving a cold rookie his first carry on 3rd and 2 but you do you, Panthers.


Wait... if the ball wasn't tipped, that's interference, isn't it? Is this challengeable? I've never heard of this. I mean the ball was NOT tipped, Bradford was hit, which caused it to fall flat. OK. So that call got reversed. Oh, here's Jared Allen now. The Eagles are running out of time. And they just ran out. (Panthers 27, Eagles 16)

A tackle eligible pass play outside of the red zone? The Ravens are desperate. And they apparently didn't even do it right. Wait, what? They DID?


Um, Jon, 30 IS old for a back. And we all thought Chris Johnson was done three years ago. I mean, he clearly isn't, but still.
This Ravens offense, though. That's am AMAZING punt. Really. The Ravens look utterly baffled. Forsett just ran right through the Cardinals defense. The Ravens should probably lean hard on that guy if they want to salvage this season. Did the Ravens just fumble that punt return? Yep, they did. STANDS. Meanwhile, we had an amateur wrestling match in the background. "Hook and turn?" Never heard it called like that. Regardless, it's a typical dumb Ravens mistake and a free first down for the Cardinals. Man, that's a lot of pass interference. I rarely like going five-wide down by the goal line. It worked, though I didn't think Floyd caught it at first. Jesus, Flacco, snap the ball. Wait. Frostee Rucker's been in the league 10 years? Tirico: "No more investigations." AMEN. Hey, Dwight Freeney's back. That spin move still works. Johnson WASN'T DOWN. He didn't stop, either. It's GOOD. And so is the field goal. Forsett gets stonewalled. Remember when the Ravens defense used to make stops like that? I feel like the Cardinals should run more in those red zone situations where they've struggled. Fitzgerald! This is looking like that one Cowboy drive yesterday. There's Floyd and there's John Brown for the touchdown. Man, his teammates call him "Smokey"? That needs to get over. Gotta make those extra points. I'm surprised the Honey Badger is as good as he is. Why are you punting, Ravens? Down 16 halfway through the fourth? Then the Ravens block a punt! That's potentially huge. And the Ravens capitalize immediately. Gotta go for two. Got it eventually. That's a good tight end screen by the Cardinals to get a first down. And a nice swing pass to Ellington (who's barely played tonight) to get another first down. Yeah, this is grounding and not a smart play by Palmer — it stops the clock and costs the Cardinals a down. Don't let this punt get blocked, Cardinals. Flacco almost ran out of bounds. Chris Givens? He SMOKED whoever was supposed to be defending him. That's a great catch by Gilmore, who may have been pushed also. That penalty may have saved the Ravens because Smith was tackled, and they may not have been able to line up in time.


And that one IS intercepted. Look at all those blitzers. (Cardinals 26, Ravens 18)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — What's up with the running back situation?
2. New England (6-0) — The same old song
3. Cincinnati (6-0) — Now... we wait
4. Carolina (6-0) — Blowing expectations out of the water

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (2-5) — Even in a win, success seems distant
30. Houston (2-5) — Everything's gone wrong
31. Tennessee (1-6) — Welcome to the AFC South, the league's worst division
32. Detroit (1-6) — And these guys are worse than all of THOSE teams
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