Thursday, October 8, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Ready For The Call

Forsett just doesn't stop moving. How did Campanaro salvage that? That was impressive. SO was that... by the Steelers' defense. Haley's gotta let Vick open it up. That was a start.
Bell just owned the entire Ravens defense. Man, Forsett just got pinballed. Good throw, Vick. Well don't just stand there, guys. How is it halftime already? Vick's never had this many weapons? Seriously? Is Simms drunk? Well THIS is an interesting one. That looks good to me and should be Steelers ball.





That's the best catch DHB will ever make. It almost slipped out of his hands! Forsett's running loose? I'm surprised he got run down. Good throw by Flacco to put it where only Aiken could catch it. The Ravens needed that.
And that fooled no one. Did that even gain yardage? Can't blame the Ravens for trying something, though. They're toast if they lose. Steve Smith just got smashed. Wow. Are the Ravens trying another field goal here?



Smith's still feeling that. I still think the Steelers need to keep opening things up. I know Haley won't do that, but still. Forsett's broken a few of those tonight. Gotta be a Flacco sneak, right? That... may not have worked. And I don't think it did. He didn't get that contract for his legs. Now the Steelers need to run this clock down. Man, the Steelers just shouldn't kick field goals. Can't get sacked, Flacco. Again, why is James Harrison contributing in 2015? Wait, that was a fumble, too? Oh, it was 4th down. Never mind. Well, he did have someone open on the far side of the field, but who knows what would have happened while the ball was in the air. Man, If I'm the Steelers, I start going for these. Seriously.



That's three big throws from Flacco. Why'd they run it? Did they think Forsett would score? Well, they did have a time out. I can't see Tucker missing this. And he doesn't. Let's do this some more. Can't let Bell get loose. You have to go for this, Steelers. And... that didn't work. Still the right decision, if maybe not the right play call. And why was Bell in the slot? I mean, that play call was so bad even Vick's dumb-ass brother was against it:



Good job to break up that pass. The Ravens got two yards on that drive. Now Simms wants to kick it with a guy who's already missed, what, three tonight? They're going for it. That's TWICE they haven't given Bell the ball in a key short yardage situation. That's another one Forsett's almost broken. So what are they going to do now? 3rd and 1 fails. Here's Tucker. GOOD!



The Steelers gave this one away, guys. (Ravens 23, Steelers 20, OT)

Signal Finder: NYJ VS MIA, PHI @ WSH; CLE @ SD, GB @ SF, MIN @ DEN (end), STL @ AZ (end)

Starting the second half and the Jets are walking down the field. They got a British guy doing the voice overs in the bumpers? Interesting. One of the biggest complaints about the Dolphins this season has been their lethargy and I think we're seeing more of that here. Did the Dolphins just throw a 2-yard hitch on 3rd and 5 down by 20 points? And then they throw to a non-open receiver on 4th down. Whatever.



Wait, how was that NOT pass interference? Refs must still be jet lagged. And then Tannehill gets crushed by Wilkerson, who the Dolphins apparently cowered in fear from. At least Tannehill has a touchdown pass. He won't be getting another one any time soon. Wait, are the Dolphins driving? Hey, a touchdown. There's another good punt return by Landry. If I were the Jets I'd be more worried if I thought the Dolphins would put two straight drives together. But I don't. Shot of Seahawks, Patriots and Eagles jerseys at a Jets-Dolphins game IN LONDON. This is why they're there. 11 penalties? Is Rex still coaching? Just go to Landry every play, Dolphins. This is four-down territory and I might run it here on third. I certainly wouldn't do that. ANOTHER Jets penalty. Touchdown Dolphins! No? Wow. And Fouts called it from the booth. Cameron's out of bounds. An inside screen on 3rd and goal from the 12? Who's calling these plays? Revis! Landry's hot and let's look at this. Oh, he just fell down. Wait, what? Ivory fumbled? This is close. Reversal! Oh, now what? Kicker abuse?



Wait, who got open there? Stills? Get out of bounds, dude. Williams played that perfectly and that interception may finally, mercifully, end this charade. I wonder if Joe Philbin will get Lane Kiffined. (Jets 27, Dolphins 14)

Line up wrong on the first play of the game? Good job, Redskins! Clipping. You don't see that any more. Holy crap. The seas parted on that one. 43 yards on 3rd and 19? That'll make you ill. Thompson again? Jordan Hicks saves a touchdown if only for the moment. That's a good stop. That was four straight plays of worthlessness, including the punt return. Cameraman got caught napping there. Cousins led Crowder a little too far. That's Murray's best run since the playoffs last year. How did Bradford get away from Kerrigan? More importantly, how did Kerrigan come in completely free? That's disturbing. Good punt. Eagles are tackling reasonably well. They are not, however, protecting Bradford well after they HAD been in the first three games. I'm surprised more offensive guys are wearing the long dreadlocks knowing that they're fair game for defenders. An actually good play fake by Cousins. Oh, OK. Couldn't see any interference by Rowe the first time. But he was looking back at the ball... I don't know anymore. Cousins fumbles the snap, picks it up, and scores anyway? That's a bad omen. And apparently also Peters has joined Maxwell and Carroll on the sideline. OH MY GOD. Bradford threw a ball beyond 10 yards! And Agholor makes a great one-handed catch to boot! And then he fumbles the reverse toss and the Redskins recover. At least the defense held. Sproles? If the kicker doesn't take Rowe out, he might have made it. Run it, Chip. Good job. Bradford just threw up his hands, so this touchdown's coming back. That's a bad sack. Why are you showing us the prompter, Fox? New kicker misses the field goal. Christ. Nice slide, Bradford. Hey, another passing first down! Wait, what? Is that a passing touchdown? By Riley Cooper, no less? Shameful, Redskins. SHAMEFUL. Sturgis missed the extra point? I hope he's renting.



See, Sam? You CAN throw the ball down the field! That's not a penalty. I actually thought it was two Redskins that banged helmets, and it turns out it was, but after the "offending" hit. Bradford escapes again — Celek! Good job by Celek to find just enough space. Unbelievably, we're tied. Somebody screwed up that coverage. Geez, Garcon, at least try to hide it. That's an excellent catch by Crowder. Bradford limping? Wait, what? Fumble? Graham ripped it out. Was Reed down? Stands. Bradford's back in. That's another bad penalty on 34. Miles Austin lives!



Now Cox is out? I blame this alleged playing surface. That's two drops by Sproles on relatively catchable balls. Cousins isn't getting a lot of help on this series.



That was almost a safety — the Eagles should probably have more sacks than they do. That's two big runs by Morris on this drive. Offsetting holding penalties? Oh. OK.



And the Eagles almost sacked Cousins on that play before he ran away and got the first down. Oh boy. Normally when Cousins throws that pass, it gets intercepted. Garcon bailed him out. Feels like the Eagles' defense just ran out of gas. Don't get sacked. DON'T GET SACKED TWICE IN A ROW. That was brutal.



At least the Phillies didn't lose 100 games. So we've got that going for us. Which is nice. (Redskins 23, Eagles 20)




(Bengals 36, Chiefs 21)

So what the hell's wrong with the Chargers? Is this a fumble? Well 3 out of 5 starting offensive linemen being out may have something to do with it. That was a horrible series. Manti Te'o can't tackle this dude. That's the second time he's missed him today. That's a good catch by Floyd. And a better one by Allen for the touchdown. Hey, a good Melvin Gordon play. They've been waiting for that. Johnson just beat Te'o for a third time. This is madness.



Is McCown actually not sucking today? First down and 30! That's SO BROWNS. The Chargers are now running out of receivers. That was massive. That touchdown catch by Green was pretty great, too. I'd think a former soccer goalie would be more of a punter than place kicker but whatever. He missed! Flag? OFFSIDES CLEVELAND. And the kid makes the retry! That was full Browns. NEVER go full Browns. (Chargers 30, Browns 27)

If nothing else, Kaepernick has singlehandedly wrecked the Packers in the past. Is he watching this, though? Rodgers is a surgeon. Apparently Aikman just invoked Bobby Jones. What was that call?  The 49ers are already panicking.



Someone down on the field's yelling "He's holding again!" And THAT hold will erase that run by Kaepernick. The 49ers are doing the right thing here by leaning on Boldin. Don't get sacked twice in a row. That's where all the 49ers' OL losses hurt. At least they got a field goal. James Jones has been crushing this season. And when we come back from the two minute warning, Mike McCarthy will punt. This is shocking. And it WORKED! Somebody call time out! Oh, good, they're reviewing the spot. Call stands. Now the Niners call time? The Packers make it work again! I'm legitimately surprised this didn't end in a touchdown. They missed the field goal, too? That's a great catch by Jones on the sideline. Did the 49ers just lose Rodgers somehow? Like, they didn't know where he was? That's exactly what happened! All the clutch there. (Packers 17, 49ers 3)

Yep, the Saints' defense is still hot garbage. "Willie Snead" is such a 1970's name for a football player. The Cowboys' defense isn't that much better. Games between these two have tended to be shootouts, too, if mostly one-sided. That's face guarding on Breaux, the CFL guy everyone was after. Whoa! They're gonna have to look at this. That's a touchdown because he's a runner and not catching it in the end zone. Good Lord, Sean Lee's hurt AGAIN? And that's why Brees has lost a step. Oh, holding on the Cowboys. Even so. God, Brandon Carr is worthless.
Why are the Cowboys taking so long here? Locally sourced bumper music, I hope. Well that sure was unproductive. Oh, there's the Lee hit. OUCH. Was that called? That should have been called. Don't know why the Cowboys are running here. That was some craziness and now Dunbar's hurt. The Cowboys are running out of guys.



Good kick and we're tied. Without those five yards the Saints probably don't even try that. I don't know who the Cowboy is that just burned whoever the Saint is. I'm not sure how I feel about the sudden influx of linebackers wearing numbers in the 40s. Wait, this is a fumble? It didn't look like anything even happened. Or it isn't.



Is that the first C.J. Spiller sighting of the year? These defenses are actually getting a lot more stops than I thought they would. That might be the first McFadden sighting tonight, too. The Cowboys lost ANOTHER receiver? The NFC East might be decided by who has the most players left at the end. Hmmm. Yeah, Street is out of bounds. What are they doing? I guess.. were they measuring so they could mark it off from the spot? That was confusing. That's the first good play Morris Claiborne's made in two and a half years. The Saints' punter is ICING HIS LEG? And Claiborne undoes all the good with that face mask. Let's just keep doing that. Oh, that's not a touchdown? OK, that is. Damn it, NFL, lighten up. The Cowboys just don't have anyone left who can DO anything. Why run out of bounds, Ingram? The Cowboys just hit three big plays and they're in the red zone. Remember, kids, there's no D in "Saints." Touchdown Cowboys? Yeah, that catch is clean as a whistle. Why did the Saints call time out? Payton's losing it. They're just stalling now. A run? Really, Saints?



Here come the passes. Oh, God, are the Cowboys going to blow this? Remember, kids: Two. Terrible. Defenses. And then the Cowboys call time out so the Saints have time to get closer. So they'll have a little bit of time left. He MISSED! Off the upright and OUT! Unbelievable. More of this? WELL I GUESS NOT. (Saints 26, Cowboys 20, OT)

Fred Jackson making plays! Russell Wilson's been forced to move backwards a lot this season. Literally nothing happened in the first quarter. Not even a flag! Tirico: "Did you miss seeing Tony Corrente for the first quarter of the game?" Gruden: "No." Jason Jones CANNOT BELIEVE he didn't sack Russ there. And a great job by Wilson to survive and by Kearse to get himself open. Touchdown! That didn't take long. Awkward delivery from Stafford? I'm shocked. Haha Lance Moore was wide open and then rolled for about eight extra yards. Man, Fred Jackson looks rejuvenated. How did the Seahawks lose so many yards?



Good work by Riddick to move the chains.



I feel like Gruden's pronouncing "Cary as "Gary" and it's bothering me more than it should.



The scary thing is I don't know if Cary's actually doing a decent job or if Stafford just doesn't have time to get the ball to Johnson. Muffed! Lions ball! Lockett was a little too ambitious on that one. Gotta learn from that. Can't call anything on that 3rd down pass. Wait, Tom Cable got a pro job after his Raiders debacle? Amazing.



Another Lions punt. The wrong tight ends are catching passes for the Seahawks. Graham looks lost.



PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Welcome back, Kam Chancellor. What is Reiff doing? That's some Jim Schwartz-era BS. AGAIN? This is getting crazy. Nobody on the Seahawks thought to try and pick that up? Really? And the Lions are back in it. Encroachment on the extra point? That's a big stop by the Lions' D. Tirico's right — the Lions never win these games, especially on the road. That's a bullet to... Tim Wright? OK. The Lions are in the red zone. FUMBLE? OH MY GOD THAT'S SO LIONS. That's not even close, either.



Why is Wilson dropping back? WHAT. That's ridiculous. Tirico: "Lions fans have this great tendency to see the bottom quarter of a glass that's empty." DETROIT IS BURNING.



Wait, what? Wright batting the ball out of the end zone should have been a penalty? And they didn't review it?






But punters do that all the time? WHAT? I've never heard of that rule and never heard any instance of it being called. This just made it even MORE Lions. (Seahawks 13, Lions 10)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (4-0) — Doing everything right
2. New England (3-0) — Seem to be on a mission
3. Cincinnati (4-0) — Surprise?
4. Denver (4-0) — Defense carrying Peyton right now

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (1-3) — No defense
30. Houston (1-3) — No quarterback
31. Miami (1-3) — No leadership
32. Detroit (0-4) — No luck
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