Thursday, October 22, 2015

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 6: One Gate Closes

Nice camera work on the touchdown, CBS. rolls eyes And someone forgot to block on that sack on Ryan on... 4th down? Yeah, not a lot of pass protecting going on tonight. Or punt protection, apparently. So wait. The pregame intro is about Steve Gleason and the Saints block a punt for a touchdown? Now the Falcons have finally found something. Still plenty of time. Hey, a Roddy White sighting. (And how weird does it sound to say that?) A fumble? Other than the touchdown drive and the first half of this one, the Falcons have been super sloppy tonight. And another example — that Freeman run was just wiped out by holding.


Seriously, PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. And now the Saints are... driving? Yeah, I'd say they're driving. Look at Ben Watson at his advanced age. Well, that fizzled out. I don't get that pass with one time out left. Right to the middle of the field? Oh, Colston separated his shoulder. Sounds about right, actually. Interesting that the three new head coaches were defensive guys. So both these teams have a No. 44 at linebacker.
Did the Saints go back in time? Wait, 23 minus 7 is 16. Good God, Simms is the worst. Good call going for it. Ride that emotional wave. Touchdown! The Falcons are moving the ball this time — let's see if they can avoid shooting themselves in the foot. Was Tamme touched? I guess he was. Touchdown Freeman! Why are we showing five replays of Brees getting hit when he's fine? The Falcons keep committing penalties and giving the Saints more chances. You know they were going to cash in eventually. More poor pass protection. There's only three minutes left? The Saints showed up tonight. That may be one of the least-reacted-to touchdowns I've ever seen. Freeman didn't even react to it. (Saints 31, Falcons 21)

Signal Finder: WAS @ NYJ, CIN@ BUF, CHI @ DET (end), DEN @ CLE (end), SD @ GB

McCoy looks fine to me. Oh, that's a catch. That's... still a catch. And Mike Carey's wrong again. Is McCoy about to get touchdown vultured again? Yep. Good for EJ Manuel, though. See, that I'd flag, getting in someone's face like that. But if you're not doing that, let' 'em celebrate, I say. The Bills are gonna penalize their way out of this game, aren't they? Nice pick by Dennard, but a bad throw by Manuel that just hung up there. Rex may think that Dennard was touched when he went down. Spiro just said that as I was thinking about it. That's... probably intentional grounding? Gio Bernard making it look easy. Touchdown Watkins! He said he wanted the ball more. Oh, is he hurt? Bah. Sick dive by Marvin Jones. And another one! Wait, how was that a touchdown? WOW. He did break the plane first before his legs hit. It's funny to watch Andy Dalton and Kirk Cousins at the same time knowing that Jay Gruden was the Bengals' OC before getting the Redskins job and Dalton hasn't regressed at all (and may be slightly better). I mean, the Bills are trying, man. That's a good rub by Manuel. And it ended up setting up a history-making moment: McCoy's first rushing touchdown as a Bill. Pretty good job avoiding that trap, Bengals. (Bengals 34, Bills 21)

This should be some comedy. And we've got a fumble on the Jets' first snap.

No Trent Williams for the Redskins, either? And on the Jets' second play Chris Ivory slips. Fortunately, they recovered. The Jets ran that fake screen like it's their job. Decker was so mad he fell down at the 1 and didn't score. Good effort. Ivory got popped. Touchdown Jets. How has Cousins completed his last seven in a row? I thought this defense was good. Good job by Moose referencing the Eagles' attempts to get their backs involved in the passing game as Cousins airmails a ball meant for Thompson. Apparently so many Redskins are hurt that they activated RGIII to get to the roster limit. That Fitzpatrick run was not planned, I'll guarantee you that. That Ivory run was. And they just mentioned the Redskins' injuries. "Positive frame of mind" equals "I am SO out of here when this season's over." Jets punter did a little acting there. See, more comedy _ Marshall just got stripped of the ball... by the same guy who recovered Decker's fumble.
54 yards? That's impressive. This Breeland dude's the Redskins' best player.

Seriously, Cousins? Seriously, Cousins. That was just a bad idea all around. RYAN FITZPATRICK JUST STUNTED ON THE REDSKINS. He wasn't even touched. That's unforgivable.

And they follow up with a three and out. Marshall with the "Fuck you" stiff-arm to Breeland. A missed tackle later and it's a two-touchdown lead. There's another terrible interception by Cousins to a receiver who was never open.


I'm not entirely sure Ivory stepped out. Touchdown Decker maybe. How does a defensive back line up in the neutral zone? I missed a blocked punt? Aw man. Onside kick! The Redskins HAD that and lost it. Oh, well. (Jets 34, Redskins 20)



So the Lions kicked a field goal DOWN 7 with 3 minutes left.


Lance Moore! I mean, I know the Bears are tanking but this is ridiculous. MEGATRON! And now the Bears hit a big pass play and they can tie this farce. They have to go to the end zone here.

Pass interference? Well, no way Gould misses this. We're going to overtime, because more football between two teams with one win between them is JUST WHAT WE NEED.








This game didn't get the winner it deserved. And I'd have said the same thing if the Bears won. (Lions 37, Bears 34, OT)



Did the Browns really not get any more yards? Wait, they're the Browns, of course they didn't. TOUCHDOWN SANDERS! Wait, what? What's going on? That's a touchdown! Isn't it? This is insanity.

So it's incomplete, which, looking at it more, is the right call. We're in overtime and Thomas just dropped a gift. And the Browns had 12 men on the field because they're the Browns. And Peyton throws an Eli-esque interception. Good play by Mingo but where was that going?


McCown gets sacked at the second-worst possible time. The worst possible time would be on this THIRD down... and he got sacked again. Owen Daniels! Hey, the Broncos are running the ball finally. It's GOOD! What? Timeout Browns? OK. This won't work. You know that, right? And you know HOW I knew that? BECAUSE YOU'RE THE BROWNS. (Broncos 26, Browns 23, OT)

Oh, Packers uniform coordinators. Why you do this?







The Chargers got that fumble back? Lucky. That was a duck by Rivers that wasn't getting caught by anyone. Oh, dude grabbed his leg. James Starks ran 65 yards without accelerating once.Rivers needs a hug. And Cobb just dropped one that was even easier. That was a weird shovel pass. Good to see Gordon back in after getting hurt earlier. I think Clinton-Dix caught him with a Roaring Elbow. I feel like the Chargers are just outmatched here, even without the mistakes they've made. That said, this is a catch by Allen. What the what, Chargers? You had TWO time outs! That's a good catch by Allen but I don't know that he's in. Honestly, they should probably go for it regardless. Good decision, Mike McCoy. Now don't go back on it. Empty backfield? And it still worked! That's a big stop by the Chargers, and I know it seems strange to say that on the first drive of the second half, but it really is. Big pass to Floyd on 3rd and 17. BOOM! And just like that we're... tied, which I wouldn't have called. Somehow Rodgers didn't get sacked on that 3rd down. Rivers is gonna have EIGHT kids? Christ. Is he trying to field his own team so he doesn't have to go to LA next year? And somehow Allen has more catches during this game. Why has Rivers thrown 57 passes?


That's a rookie coming up big with the game on the line. This looks like one of those seasons for the Chargers. (Packers 27, Chargers 20)

Who does more heavy lifting: Cam Newton or Joe Buck during the baseball playoffs? Meanwhile, the Seahawks' defense has completely broken down. That game-winning play by Olson was a joke.



(Panthers 27, Seahawks 23)

Meanwhile, down the coast...




That's pretty much the last thing left to go wrong for the Ravens this year, right? Justin Tucker missing a field goal because the turf gives out on him? We've seen Kaepernick play better these last two weeks... the 49ers could actually be interesting if he keeps trending upwards. (49ers 25, Ravens 20)

This is the rarest of scenarios — both teams are seeking revenge. Dungy and Harrison are always so salty towards each other on Patriots-Colts week. It's fascinating. If there's any hope for the Colts, it's in this: This game is rarely in Indianapolis. I just noticed Clay on a bicycle in the intro. Luck IS playing, in case you actually thought otherwise. GORE! GORE! GORE! The newly returned Ahmad Bradshaw's in the house. That's a long time to go without scoring an opening-drive touchdown. And that won't change. Or will it? The Colts are going for this and I didn't think they woul d but they probably should. That's hanging up there. Touchdown! That's CLOSE. Touchdown!Listen. To. Those. Boos. It's rare you get this much genuine anger out of a crowd these days. But the Patriots just don't care. Look, they're already at the Colts' 15. Edelman got crushed on that touchdown catch. I'm surprised only his finger was bruised. Any and every stop the Colts can make is a big one. I feel like it's easier to just take the sack in those situations. Wait, the ref got hit in the head? I'm surprised things like that don't happen more often.


Pick Six by Mike Adams! And Edelman couldn't bring it in, which led to the interception. Onside kick? Pagano's not screwing around tonight. The referees, however, are — the Colts had that ball and the refs missed it. And of course the Patriots get a touchdown from it because they catch every break possible. Dammit, Al. "You won the over." It's always odd to me when you get running lanes that big while pass-blocking. That's McCourty's first penalty in HOW long? Good job getting those lost yards back.

Where was the line of scrimmage? That electric guitar celebration must be the Colts' receivers' thing. Here come the Patriots. Did they give it to Edelman on 4th and 1? Of course they did. That's a bad penalty. And Amendola bails them out. Now this flag's going against the Colts. How are Gronk and Chandler in the same spot? Oh, that's how. Fun fact: the Patriots have been called for more OPIs (6) than any other team this year. The cheers almost aren't drowning out the boos. I admit, I was one of those who thought it would be 24-0 — or worse — at halftime. The Patriots are using a lot of underneath stuff on this drive. There's Gronk. You knew that wouldn't last.


Yes, YOU, Patrick Chung. I haven't forgotten. That poor center just got run over by a bus. What the hell is this? Seriously? WHAT WAS THAT?









That may have been worse than the Redskins' dual swinging gate attempts a couple years back. And you just KNOW the Patriots are going to turn this into a touchdown because, again, they never miss a trick. TOLD YOU. Brutal. There's 12 minutes left and it feels like the Colts have blown this. Hey, an Andre Johnson sighting. The game just ended with that sack. Luck's legs are the only play the Colts have. He didn't see Fleener at all, and his line couldn't block for The Flash. Feels like the Pats took that delay of game just for the hell of it. Well, this touchdown won't matter. Did they block the extra point? WHAT? Collins came unblocked OVER the line and blocked it clean. That's Kam Chancellor's move. This also will not work. COLTS SPECIAL TEAMS.



FCS SHADE. (Patriots 34, Colts 27)




Well that took approximately no effort. Beckham almost dropped that 3rd down pass. Why is that a rule? Is Brandon Graham lined up over the center? Yeah, Barwin jumped. Ryans with the takeaway! That's uncalled for, Damontre Moore. Like, that's just stupid. Hey, there's Josh Huff again. That's a terrible decision by Bradford and COOPER BAILS HIM OUT.



Seriously, why is Riley Cooper: Deep Threat a thing? Jennings didn't get forward progress? Interesting. This may not work. Correction: This WILL not work. That's a big stop. So while Gruden's going on about how Maxwell hasn't lived up to his contract, Carroll picks off Eli and gives the Eagles the lead.



Wait, what? I'm pretty sure Thornton was being held and never actually hit Eli. Jennings just ran into a wall. FUMBLE. What was that throw, Bradford?



That's a good sack by Curry. He moved, but he wasn't across before the snap. Speaking of snaps, what the hell, Kelce? Did that hit his leg or something? You didn't need to get all of it back there. Did Prince even start tonight? Here's a fun thing to contemplate: Graham almost signed with the Giants this offseason before the Eagles surprised me and brought him back. Who's got the worse offensive line tonight? Who whiffed on that tackle attempt on Beckham? Marshall Newhouse is getting used and abused. The Giants' punter is struggling. Wait, who was that on? Make up your minds, people! Gruden: "Keep an eye on this clock operator this week." Then Tirico points out that the play clock shouldn't have been reset... oy. See, that's how you rough the passer. That's ex-Eagle Cullen Jenkins, also. What a weird last 45 seconds, to say nothing of the 29 minutes and 15 seconds before it. Sturgis seems to have found his footing.



The Star Wars trailer has been the highlight of this game. The worst thing is Bradford's actually had a lot of time to throw tonight. I think teams must just assume that Cooper's slow because he looks like an extra from Half-Baked. Now he's hurt? Jeez, man. God, everything about that was horrible. Converted fullback playing defensive tackle uses spin move; Matthews gets stopped short of the sticks and fumbles. At least the Giants again failed to capitalize. And they make another mistake on this punt by running into the kicker. Christ, I thought Murray fumbled when he got spun around. You won't see Matthews quit on a play. Murray! I... have no idea what happened there.



Sproles's head just bounced off the turf. We're screwing up handoffs now? Well thank God the Giants are screwing up just as much. That play action. Why, Bradford? Ertz was NOT OPEN. That's the kind of thing you'd expect out of Kirk Cousins.






Fletcher Cox is a beast. Dare I say, he's becoming what Vince Wilfork used to be. Wow, Beckham's caught one pass this half. We weren't expecting Jordan Hicks to be the Eagles' best rookie, but they've needed him and he's delivered. Wait, they ruled that a pass? That just seems like a petty penalty; Eli didn't mean to do that.



3-3 with the division lead. The phrase "top of the heap" has never been more appropriate. (Eagles 27, Giants 7)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Green Bay (6-0) — When off days don't matter
2. New England (5-0) — Skill, luck, and strategy always win the day
3. Cincinnati (6-0) — Probably playing the best out of all these teams
4. Carolina (5-0) — That was a historic comeback

BOTTOM 4:
29. Baltimore (1-5) — Everything's gone wrong
30. Kansas City (1-5) — No Charles, no chance
31. Jacksonville (1-5) — This franchise just seems doomed
32. Detroit (1-5) — At least history won't repeat
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