Thursday, September 27, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 3: Damaged Collateral

Well, looks like the Giants have come out in "Seriously, Do Not Trifle With Us" mode tonight. Giants fans have spent the last two years talking about Ramses Barden the same way Cowboys fans used to talk about Miles Austin. We're also seeing why the option will never work full-time in the NFL: Defenses are too fast. Even a quarterback as big and athletic as Newton can't run it against NFL-caliber defenders. The Giants are just doing whatever they feel like. This was over long before it ended. (Giants 36, Panthers 7)

Signal Finder: NYJ @ BUF, PHI @ ARZ, PIT @ OAK

"To convey what happened in the fourth quarter in Tennessee would require a dry-erase board, a fully loaded Sharpie, and a mastery of the dark arts." - Sean Fennessey, Grantland. Also, Jim Schwartz has done a lot to help turn the Lions around, but they should have actually gone for it at the end. (Titans 44, Lions 41, OT)

I'm Sorry You Had To See That: Whoa! Tebow on the punt team actually pays off! Why did no one consider this possibility when Rex first mentioned it? Nice pass, Tannehill. This has been an awful game to watch. I mean, it's a slog as it is and the constant slowdowns and stoppages aren't helping matters. And now it's Sanchez's turn to throw a bad interception. Wait, Revis is down? Uh-oh. Oh, no. He wasn't even hit or anything... that's not good. Wait, how did the Jets come back? This game was over and they can't score points. (I had to go to work and the Jets rallied while I was driving.) Hey Dolphins! That NEVER WORKS. And now I have proof. This time it's good! Serves 'em right. (Jets 23, Dolphins 20, OT)



And now, we present the two luckiest teams in the National Football League. The Wildcat is so three years ago, guys. Why hasn't Jackson been returning punts? Anyone? Uncanny. Bounces off DeMeco Ryans's hands right to Michael Floyd for a touchdown. The Eagles' defense can't get a stop on third down and the offensive line can't protect Vick. Their best blocker against the blitz has been McCoy, of all people. I'm having trouble thinking of a receiver in recent years who's burned the Eagles as badly as Fitzgerald has. I don't think even prime Randy Moss torched them on such a consistent basis. It's kind of amazing that the Eagles have played so badly so far and still have a chance to go into halftime down only - oh, look, another turnover. And James Sanders is going to do his James Harrison impression. This thing's actually already over. Take away the fumbled punt return and Johnson had a decent game. Part of me wants them to get Vick out of there for his own personal safety, but they can't put Foles back there because he might actually die. Look, I've seen more than my fair share of bad Eagles losses to the Cardinals, but never like this. They usually happen in Philadelphia, and they're usually not this decisive. (Cardinals 27, Eagles 6)

Remember last week when I asked how the replacements were going to deal with a game with actual bad blood in it? We may be close to finding out. Look, once the quarterback starts to slide, you can't hit him. Simple as that. Also, my "offensive pass interference only gets called once a week" manifesto seems to have been thrown out with the bath water. It occurs to me that the problem with the replacement officials is the same one that I have with current NBA refs: The game's just too fast for them to keep up with. looks closely No, Smith didn't push off on the touchdown catch. I don't even know how he's able to make a touchdown catch with what he's been through in the last 20 or so hours. I see tackling hasn't improved any either - Pitta just ran through two guys there. And the Patriots come right back. This is a good game, guys. There's a reason Brandon Lloyd's played for five teams. It also makes the Welker freezeout make even less sense. Man, between last week and tonight, the Ravens' defense just doesn't look like what it used to be. Deion Branch just got his clock cleaned and still held on. Why go for it there? And why is Rice on the sidelines while you're going for it there? Bizarre. What is going on here? I know McCourty's been bad this game but how is that a penalty? And how is that a penalty? Harbaugh's going berserk. This crowd is united like no other crowd before or since:


And then McCourty gets flagged AGAIN on the final drive! Here we go. It's... is it good? Did that clear the upright? It did? Wow. Kicking is a fickle mistress. Last week, on the road, Tucker hit from 56 and 51 like it was nothing. Here he almost slices a 27-yarder and almost sets off a firestorm.



Someone tell Belichick he can't do that to the officials. Also unnoticed: Flacco outplayed Brady again, at least in the fourth quarter. This time, he got the win to show for it. (Ravens 31, Patriots 30)

Let me finally state this for the record: The Seahawks' new uniforms? AGAINST. Wow, the Seahawks defense is doing to the Packers what the Cardinals did to the Eagles but worse. Eight sacks in one half? That's brutal. Chris Clemons got four of them. No. 31 on Seattle's a safety? That guy's huge. The Packers aren't even trying to run the ball. Good heads-up on spotting that fumble, Jeff Saturday. (Weird to see him not in a Colts uniform, by the way.) One last chance for the Hawks. OH MY GOD. Who caught it? Who's got this thing? Do they both have it? They called it a touchdown! Oh, that's soul crushing. We will need to see this several times and from several angles. The fact that two officials standing right next to each other signaled two different things frightens me. OK, let's see it for a fifth time.

I don't believe what I'm about to say.

They got it wrong.




You'd almost have to script the way this played out: the Sunday night game coming down to a pure judgment call that... well, it looked to me like they got it right, but that put this thing right on the precipice. And one night later, it falls off. Everyone's worst nightmare just came true. Gruden's about to have a heart attack. And yeah, Tate pushed off down in the scrum in the end zone, but that almost never gets called. They still have to kick the extra point, right? Someone needs to come back out onto the field. The Packers are coming back out - I can only assume that they'd have to finish the game on the field in order to file an official protest. It looks like they just picked 11 guys and sent them out there. Cedric Benson's with them and he's a running back. God, if this thing actually gets blocked... nah, it's over, almost 10 minutes after the fact. The underrated lesson for you kids out there: Listen to Tom Jackson. KNOCK IT DOWN! (Seahawks 14, Packers 12)

Unsurprisingly, Twitter was ablaze:



Keep in mind, this guy plays for the Vikings:








John Legend's model girlfriend trolls us:


So would everyone else ever, Mark:










Mike Pereira (former head of NFL officials, now works for FOX) wasn't around Monday night. From his tweets it sounded like he was climbing a mountain on a vision quest or something. Whatever, he was off the grid when all this went down, explaining this exchange:



Then a deal basically got done late Wednesday night. Here's Rachel Nichols again to put a wrap on it:



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