Friday, October 5, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 4: Return to Sender

Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the REAL NFL OFFICIALS! I predict this honeymoon ends in the first half. I'm not sure how much better Weeden looks tonight than he did in the opener, but he's gotten absolutely no help from his receivers, who were already the worst group in the league before Cribbs went down (on a clean hit, BTW). Despite that, this game remains uncomfortably close, even for a rivalry game. Let me note right off the bat how smoothly this game has been run. The officials are in control, they know the rules, they're not taking any more time than they need to, and they're not taking any crap from the players or coaches. Also, this rain. Well that lasted longer than I thought. "At least we're booing professionals." Tucker finally misses... and then Weeden gives the Ravens those points back and then some. These receivers are awful. I can't overstate this. And yet here they are with another chance after the roughing call and... no. (Ravens 23, Browns 16)

Signal Finder: SF @ NYJ, CAR @ ATL (end), NE @ BUF, NO @ GB

Watching Kaepernick on that quarterback pitch makes me realize I have no idea how fast Tebow can actually run. This Jets offense is ponderous. Where's the speed? Where's the talent? Where's the creativity? Honestly, at this point 17 might be enough. Wait, what? Holmes just went down and inexplicably flipped the ball into the air and it got returned for a touchdown. He's definitely hurt, but what happened there? And things get worse after the Jets fail to block one guy rushing a punt. (49ers 34, Jets 0)


Welcome to Atlanta, where the contest is actually competitive. I did not know those wrinkles in the "spotting the ball after a fumble" rules. Now what do the Panthers do? They may be at the spot on the field where going for it would be worth it - even if they don't get it, the Falcons will still need to get a first down before thinking about a field goal. Honestly, I can go either way on this. That's a good punt. That was immediately negated. From what little I've seen of this game the Falcons threw to that left side a lot. Then nobody on Carolina bothered covering Douglas. How do you not park a guy over there? Put it on the board. (Falcons 30, Panthers 28)

Pereira on the Sproles fumble on the kickoff (which McCarthy couldn't challenge because he wasted one in the first quarter)

Seriously, I don't think I'd ever use a challenge in the first half. Now that all scoring plays are reviewed, I'm not sure there's ever a need to. So here we go. The Saints will have to use every second on this clock to win this game because they're so bad defensively that the Packers only need about 30 seconds to score on them if they have to. That's definitely too much time. What? Offensive holding? So they'll kick it again. He missed? Wow. It is not the Saints' year. Also, I expected these scores to be higher. Maybe not West Virginia-Baylor high, but... somehow more than this. (Packers 28, Saints 27)

See, that's how the Eagles normally lose to the Cardinals. (Cardinals 24, Dolphins 21, OT)


(Redskins 24, Buccaneers 22)

Dawkins led them out of the tunnel! Awesome. Man, both of these defensive lines are just doing whatever they feel like. It's been said before: If the running game doesn't work early, Andy will abandon it at the drop of a hat. It's subtle, but noticeable: the Eagles have shortened their offense. Shorter dropbacks for Vick, shorter passes, shorter routes. And they're actually using McCoy in the passing game, because even if the running game isn't working they need to get the ball in his hands somehow. Meanwhile, they're still getting tons of pressure on Eli (but haven't sacked him yet) and the Giants' receivers seem to be jumping a lot to make catches. Remember what I said earlier about never using a challenge in the first half? I mean, I initially thought Jackson caught it, and they got the call right in the end, but still. The prospects of anyone scoring in the game remain quite low. Things seem to be shifting in the second quarter as both offensive lines have tightened up somewhat. I think Nnamdi got poked in the eye - it looks like they're giving him eye drops on the sideline. That was easy enough. Jackson left two guys behind on that one. Kickoff returns have kept the Giants in this thing. Hey, look, the Eagles can run the ball. Did Eli drop that snap? That was crazy.Nice pick, DRC. Now why did you run it out of the end zone? That graphic about McCoy running on the Giants in the fourth quarter is becoming prescient. The Giants have lost the ability to contain the run game. McCoy just turned the corner on Osi like nobody's business, and Vick's gotten some free runs tonight as well. And once again poor playcalling down by the goal line leaves points on the field. I'm not sure what it means that the two best cornerbacks on the field tonight have been Prince Amukamura and Brandon Hughes. I have a bad feeling about this. Are they going to pass interfere themselves to a loss? (Both were the right calls, BTW. You could justify the one on Rodgers-Cromartie being offsetting because his facemask did get grabbed.) And there's another flag. This is ridiculous. Wait, what? Offensive? Oh, well, yeah. The guy almost gave Asomugha a reverse bulldog. I don't know what Collinsworth's carping about; that's as blatant as it gets.


Now the Giants have to kick a 54-yard field goal., but Tynes hasn't missed all year. Oops. Hooked it! What? Time out?  Who- DEAR GOD ANDY WHAT ARE YOU DOING? And while I'm processing that, Coughlin decides to just kick it again and not try to get closer even though he has a down and time and Tynes already missed. Seriously, a five-yard out to the sideline and the Giants win. Oh, well, they'll probably win anyway.

HE MISSED AGAIN?!?!?!?



Just as I was thinking "Nothing insane has happened yet. That usually means a Giants win." Also, the only people who didn't completely botch that last drive... were the officials. Also also, look, Ma, no turnovers! And in my lifetime, of all of the crazy things that have happened in this rivalry, I think every single one of them has gone in the Eagles' favor. (Eagles 19, Giants 17)

This game is starting off like Eagles-Giants. Or, more dreadfully, Browns-Ravens. Or maybe I have those backwards? Whatever. Lot of Bears fans here tonight. Finally, some action. Dez Bryant isn't helping his own case (did he even see that?) and the Bears have bottled up the running game because the Cowboys' offensive line is bad. Way to salvage the first half there. And now it's all gone to hell. It's amazing how Romo's the one who's thrown four picks and Dez Bryant is arguably having a worse night. Wait, never mind.



Thanks for pitching in at the end, Orton! Yeah. The Bears made the Cowboys' offense look really bad tonight, which is quite a feat since it hasn't looked all that good except for the opener. (Bears 34, Cowboys 18)

RANKINGS

 TOP 4: 
1. Houston (4-0) - Taking care of business
2. Atlanta (4-0) - A few hiccups, but still unbeaten
3. San Francisco (3-1) - Repeating the formula
4. Baltimore (3-1) - Survived a few narrow escapes

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (1-3) - Gabbert still isn't good
30. New Orleans (0-4) - Headed for disaster?
31. Cleveland (0-4) - Can't catch a break... or anything else, really
32. Kansas City (1-3) - You know it's bad when Brady Quinn's name is being mentioned


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