Sunday, October 14, 2012

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 5: The Weekly Slog

This is a surprisingly crisp and pass-happy drive to start for the Rams. Also a successful one. And the Cardinals did a good job trying to counter but fell short. This could be interesting. Boy, this game's pace has slowed dramatically from what we saw at the start. Kolb's getting crushed out there. CRUSHED. Seriously, who's the Cardinals' other backup? Because he may not survive. Uh-oh, Amendola's down and he's not happy. This could complicate things. And now nothing's happening. It's become a punting contest. Well, at least the Rams can run the ball. I guess this would be a good time to say that given what the NFL wants to accomplish with al of these Thursday night games, concentrating on division matchups like this one is probably the best way to go. Because let's be honest: If this were, say, Chiefs-Buccaneers, absolutely nobody would be watching. At least a division game you can sell sort of. Oh, the Rams scored again. On a pass, no less. This one's over. And so is Ryan Williams. The Cardinals were trying to do what, exactly, at the end? (Rams 17, Cardinals 3)

Signal Finder: PHI @ PIT, CLE @ NYG, MIA @ CIN (end), GB @ IND (end), DEN @ NE

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: We are five minutes in and the Browns are up 14-0 and that weird stat about how they've beaten four straight reigning Super Bowl winners is popping up in everyone's heads. Weeden just gave that one away. Wow, he's not good. Biases aside, I'm not a fan of the salsa dance. This is escalating into what we expected. OK, there's no way that's legal. That's what I thought. And of course the next pass goes into double coverage and gets intercepted. Wait, Bradshaw has 200 yards?



Not good. Not good for anyone involved. (Giants 41, Browns 27)

Oh, we're already back to doing this, Mike? This wasn't going to be easy anyway despite the Steelers' lackluster start — they've still got too many guys who just know what they're doing, and some of them just got back. The Steelers don't look much better. This is awful. Simply awful. Vick can't hold on to the ball and the Steelers can't get out of their own way. Oh, and it looks like Polamalu reinjured himself.  The Eagles haven't gotten to Ben at all. They're not even getting pressure. Did Rodgers-Cromartie just throw Antonio Brown's shoe to the sideline? This is hard to watch even without a rooting interest. When did the Steelers turn into the Raiders with all of these penalties? And McCoy walks right in. This is... questionable. (And by "this", I mean the challenge, the spot, and the decision to go for it on 4th down.) Got it! Good second effort. Well, they went for it last time, so you'd think they'd have to here... and it works again! How... how does the same enterprise produce a first half like that and then a drive like this? It's baffling. That's at least the third one Wallace has let slip out of his hands. That's a big first down. Getting Mendenhall out of bounds will help, but not much. The Eagles simply cannot get a stop for some reason — that's another big first down. Of course, now I'm not sure why the Steelers aren't sitting on the clock more. Ah, there we go. This isn't a lock with the weather and Shaun Suisham's inherent untrustworthiness. Also, which end of the field is this? And there it is.



That was... disappointing. (Steelers 16, Eagles 14)

And now off to The House That Peyton Built AND WE HAVE A DEVELOPING SITUATION. Big run for the Packers by whoever that was. That didn't take long and it never does if it doesn't have to. The two-point attempt... does not succeed. All right, rook; here it is. Notice that Luck's only thrown to two guys: Wayne, who's been around for 13 years, and Fleener, who was Luck's tight end at Stanford. And I have to say it — this is why there was so much hype. That's the longest run by a Colts quarterback in about 25 years. Touchdown! Wayne is massive. Is this enough time for the Pack? It might be... ick. Crosby missed that like Gostkowski missed against the Cardinals. And suddenly the Packers have Cause For Concern. CHUCKSTRONG. (Colts 30, Packers 27)




(49ers 45, Bills 3)

So, this last drive by the Chargers... didn't we see this last Sunday night? Also, enjoy the record, Drew; Brady's literally right behind you. (Saints 31, Chargers 24)

That first Texans drive was masterful. I think J.J. Watt just blocked a Carmelo Anthony three-pointer. Sweet throw by Sanchez to... Jeff Cumberland? Should the fake punt have worked twice in three weeks? This is what film study's for. Maybe the Jets should try McKnight at wide receiver full-time. I'm serious. He clearly has big-play ability but he hasn't been able to do it consistently at running back, but he needs opportunities and Lord knows the Jets need to use everything they've got. Sanchez is bad, Greene is bad, the offensive line is bad. And here's a more "out-there" suggestion:



Meanwhile, if the Texans have a pronounced weakness, it's that their non-Andre Johnson wide receivers are pretty pedestrian. Owen Daniels becoming the Owen Daniels of a few years ago might help. I'm not even gonna be mad about the Jets punting from the Houston 40 with 9 1/2 minutes left. It was 4th and 15. You think they're getting 15 yards? Please. And now this is one of the most convoluted two-minute drills you will ever see. Say "Watt" again! SAY "WATT" AGAIN!!! Well, that's that. You know it's bad when you're claiming moral victories in front of live microphones. (Texans 23, Jets 17)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Houston (5-0) — Probably should have been easier than it was
2. Atlanta (5-0) — See above
3. San Francisco (4-1) — Once-inexplicable loss to Vikings suddenly doesn't look so bad
4. Baltimore (4-1) — Playing down to the competition on the road again, I see

BOTTOM 4:
29. Jacksonville (1-4) — Charles Tillman is still running
30. Buffalo (2-3) — Not getting remotely close to what they paid for
31. Cleveland (0-5) — Even the good bounces aren't good
32. Kansas City (1-4) — Hey Chiefs fans: You know the next man up is Brady Quinn, right?
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