Thursday, February 9, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Trends 'Til The End

Purdy misses Deebo deep. Deebo's first carry gets 20. Field goal is good. Geno can't get away from Gipson and he's sacked. McCaffrey takes off for 66! Pas to Mitchell and he takes it to the 2. Purdy buys a couple of seconds until McCaffrey somehow gets wide open, and he finds him for an easy touchdown. Seahawks start to heat up. Lockett gets a good spot on this third down catch. Touchdown Walker and the Seahawks are on the board. Purdy finds Aiyuk near midfield. Then he throws deep for Aiyuk, who stops. He also missed a wide-open Deebo underneath. They end up kicking another field goal. Metcalf beats Chavarius Ward for a touchdown! Spacehog? Draw on third and 8? Really, Pete? They end up punting.
That's the kind of stuff that made me think they should have cleaned house and fired everyone after last season. Purdy finds Aiyuk for 30. Jackson breaks up a pass for Samuel in the end zone. Gould kick puts the 49ers back in front.
Geno slides at midfield and gets hit, moving the ball to the 49ers' 38. Joe Davis references the gift calls the NFL determined the Seahawks got last week. With one second left, Myers is going to try a 56-yarder. It's GOOD. 17-16 Seahawks at halftime. Deebo with a big catch, and then a Seahawk grabs his leg and twists. Deebo protests, some words are exchanged, and the officials eventually settle everyone down. McCaffrey to the 1. Purdy sneaks it in on second effort. The 49ers can't stop Metcalf, which makes sense when you consider that their secondary's been average at best for years. He just did it again. Geno does down and fumbles! Bosa has it for the 49ers. That's killer. Purdy finds Jennings downfield to open the fourth. Mitchell with a touchdown catch. That might do it. Seahawks punt. DEEBO!
Yeah, we're done here.
(49ers 41, Seahawks 23)

Uncle Al and Dungy on the call. Canisius has a football team? Jags get the ball first, but the Chargers get a pick off of a deflection! Ekeler scores on the Chargers' second play. This is the first time since 1999 that all three Florida teams made the playoffs. Jaguars decide to go for it and Lawrence gets picked off AGAIN! This time by Samuel. Doug's hot because Samuel should have been called for illegal contact.

Samuel with his second interception of the night! And Lawrence's third. This isn't going well. Ekeler cashes in again. 17-0 Chargers. Jags gain one yard and punt. Touchdown Gerald Everett and this game might already be over. Oh my God Samuel just picked off Lawrence AGAIN. He's basically channeling his dad.
It's all coming apart for the Jaguars — they force a punt, but the ball hits the top of a Jaguar's helmet and the Chargers fall on it at the 6.
Herbert misses Allen badly in the end zone. Jags are lucky to only give up a field goal there. Chargers fumble and the Jaguars recover. Touchdown Engram, so. 27-7 Chargers at halftime. Jags driving here? They get to third and 1 and then have a delay of game, but whatever would have happened probably wouldn't have worked because Lawrence bumped into a motioning Engram. Marvin Jones Jr. is all alone in the corner for a touchdown, finishing off an 89-yard drive. Chargers come back with a field goal. Touchdown Zay Jones on an apparent breakdown in the Chargers secondary!
They go for two and don't get it, and both teams are upset because they both thought holding calls were missed. Trayvon Walker with a late hit on Herbert after the play was over. Just not smart. Dicker MISSES from 40. Charges lose a challenge and the Jags keep possession. Touchdown Christian Kirk! Is it happening AGAIN?
Bosa is livid because he thinks the Chargers false started, and he throws his helmet on the sideline. The Chargers take that penalty here, and will go for two from the 1. Lawrence sneaks it and gets in! It's 30-28 with 5:54 left! Now the Chargers go three and out. Lawrence scrambles for nine. Fourth and 1 and they give it to Etienne on a SWEEP and he picks up 24!
The Jaguars run the clock down and the field goal is GOOD! There's a flag down, and the Chargers were offside. Because of course they were.
(Jaguars 31, Chargers 30)

The Bills pass on a 49-yard field goal so that Allen can miss Beasley, who cannot be the target in that situation under any circumstances. Skylar Thompson at quarterback again for the Dolphins, who go three and out. Diggs beats Howard deep. Touchdown Knox and I have no earthly idea how he caught that. Pick! Touchdown Cook and it's already 14-0 Bills. Dolphins finally get a first down. Hill with a bad drop. Then Waddle can't haul in a deep ball on third down thanks to White's defense. This is a catch by Davis, isn't it? The Bills finally throw the challenge flag after the refs take a day to make a call. Turns out it's a catch. Allen throws it over Shakir's head to Diggs on third and 2. Touchdown Knox and we may be done here 90 seconds into the second quarter. It's under review and this is close. Call REVERSED, and Allen gets sacked on the ensuing third and 8. Field goal is good. Dolphins get something going but a fake screen doesn't work, bringing up third and 16. Another drop. Sanders hits from 40. Xavien Howard picks off Allen, and then Allen decides to get into it with Christian Wilkins. It's Dolphins ball at the Bills' 48, but they only get two yards. They go for it on fourth and 8 and Thompson throws a short pass to Jeff Wilson, who gets the first down anyway. Edmunds lays Ahmed out, forcing an incompletion.

Dolphins get another field goal. Allen to Shakir for 54! Was he touched? Yeah, he was. And it might not even be a catch? That's big for the Dolphins, who will get the ball back with about 1:40 left. Cedrick Wilson returns the punt to midfield. They end up settling for a 37-yarder with 1:13 left, making it 17-9. Nantz: "Sanders on a 9-0 run." Beasley can't handle the throw and the Dolphins intercept it! Reverse doesn't work. Touchdown Gesicki! Two-point pass to Hill and we're... tied? Wow. Bills hit two deep balls to Davis and they're at the Dolphins' 20. The Bills want this Diggs catch reviewed and burn a time out. He didn't have control. Field goal puts the Bills up 20-17, but it feels like the Dolphins are winning after that horrible start. Also, that was a LONG first half. Allen is sacked and he fumbles! Dolphins pick it up and score to take the lead! OH NO SKYLER. Allen keeps it and bulls his way to the Dolphins' 5. Quick pass to Beasley and he ducks into the end zone. Beasley makes a dude miss and picks up 30 after the catch. Davis somehow stays inbounds and that's a touchdown. Two big plays from Ahmed (Jeff Wilson's got a calf strain now) and the Dolphins are at the Bills' 11. Wilson back in and gets two. Waddle finally catches a ball. Did he get in? No. Wilson does. 34-31 Bills with 10:53 left. Back-to-back insane time out usage here — the Dolphins call one to avoid a delay of game call and Thompson gets hit anyway, then the Bills cal one on fourth and six, but not before the Dolphins throw deep and miss Waddle. Now the Dolphins are punting. They've pushed the Giants-Vikings kickoff to 4:50 because this game refuses to end. That's a big-time leaping catch by Shakir on a pass that could have been intercepted otherwise. Bradley Chubb forces a fumble, and even though the Bills keep the ball, that'll end this drive. Dolphins have to use their last time out with 4:13 left. Waddle! Steratore correctly thinks this will count, as he made a "football" move before being hit out of bounds. Dolphins still struggling to get plays in, and now it'll turn a fourth and 1 into fourth and 6.
Thompson throws to Gesicki but it's broken up! He missed Hill over the middle. Elam's hurt after breaking up the pass. They gave Singletary a first down here? I don't think so. He never got to the sticks on the field, much less the line. WOW. That's a terrible spot and the Bills are going to win. Predictable scrape after the final kneeldown. I'm not pleased if I'm a Bills fan. (Bills 34, Dolphins 31)

The replay shows Jefferson's knee was down before the ball hit the pylon, so this touchdown's getting overturned. Cousins sneaks it in. Saquon KNIFING through the Vikings defense. Touchdown! Cousins gets devoured on a busted keeper. No one covers Slayton and he gets 47. Jones with a dart to Hodgins for a touchdown!

Vikings punt? Really? Of course they'd play a Replacements song into break. The Vikings can't stop the Jones runs; they can only sack him. Jones touchdown is called back by an illegal shift. Then Jones misses Hodgins. They end up kicking a field goal. Why did the Giants decline the holding penalty? Hockenson open again. (Or still, as Burkhardt reminds us that he caught 13 passes against the Giants in their first meeting.) Jefferson gets to the Giants' 9. Touchdown Osborn.
Another big play by Barkley. Touchdown Bellinger and the Vikings got completely fooled on that one, as Harrison Smith came down on a rush and no one covered Bellinger.
Cousins throws up a dying quail and he's lucky Julian Love dropped it. OMG Thielen! Nobody's playing pass defense. Irv Smith open in the end zone for a touchdown. Brieda breaks three tackles behind the line and just gets to the marker. Reagor fumbles the punt but the Vikings manage to hang on. A 12-play drive ends in a game-tying field goal. Great work by Hodgins on the sideline to stay inbounds. Giants hurry and Jones finds Slayton. Jones sneaks it from the Vikings 7 and gets the first down, which I don't mind considering what's passing for defense here. Touchdown Barkley! Giants facing fourth and 1 from their own 45 after Barkley gets stuffed. I'm punting this. But Daboll isn't. Sneak works because nobody knows how to stop it. Slayton DROPS it! Oh no! Now the Giants punt after losing five yards. Oh, I need more than that for a roughing call.
More Hockenson. Osborn drops it! Fourth and 8 and they go to Hockenson, but McKinney wraps him up and this won't even be close. Are we really throwing two-yard passes on fourth and EIGHT? This is literally why Diggs wanted to be traded.
So much for the Vikings' record in close games. And the under on their win total next year will be the biggest lock in the history of sports betting. (Giants 31, Vikings 24)

Apparently both Huntley and Brown are going to play quarterback for the Ravens tonight. That'll work. But the Bengals get the ball first. Perine getting run early. Higgins can't stay in the end zone, and he dropped the pass anyway. McPherson field goal opens the scoring. Huntley gets picked off! Yeah, he forced that. Chase gets in Peters' face after a catch. Then Peters throws a shot at Mixon after a tackle and gets caught and flagged. Touchdown Chase. McPherson misses the PAT. Sammy Watkins picks up a first down. Huntley finds Andrews at the Bengals' 11. Swing pass to Dobbins and he'll... score? The ball pops out at the end but the ref signaled touchdown. Was he down? Doesn't look like it, and once the ball breaks the plane, the play's over, so. We got a fumble and a SCRUM. Ravens ball! Huntley just did his best Lamar impression after a high snap, somehow corralling it ten yards behind the line of scrimmage and finding Josh Oliver for a first down. Apple's down and hurt. Justice Hill in the game, for some reason. Bengals defend it well inside the 5 and the Ravens are forced to go to Tucker. It's good with seven seconds left.
That's worth watching. Chase cuts back and Burrow finds him at the 18. He finds Hurst over the middle at the goal line. Is he in? Not sure. Refs say no. Burrow sneaks it in and the Ravens are offsides. Two-point try to Higgins fails but he was interfered with, so they do it again and it works the second time. Huntley somehow finds Dobbins, who makes a great move down the sideline. DeMarcus Robinson torches Apple and the Ravens tie it at 17. Big-time catch by Andrews. Huntley takes off for 34 and the Ravens are at the 3! He tries to go over the pile, but the ball gets knocked loose and Sam Hubbard picks it up. He's gonna go! AND he's got blockers! Andrews can't get him! TOUCHDOWN BENGALS!! Ninety-eight yards! The ball never broke the plane and that'll stand. 24-17 Bengals.
Huntley gets hit again and the ball flies away from him. Refs huddle and call it an incomplete pass. Ravens get the ball back and Huntley finds Andrews far more open than he should be. Sack! Blitz chases Burrow out of the pocket but he goes down inbounds, forcing a timeout. Bengals punt with 3:25 left. Good return! Hill's short on this catch and the Bengals are going to lose this challenge. Two minutes left. No sneak this time, instead Huntley keeps it and picks it up. Dobbins comes free over the middle and spins for a first down. Ravens still huddling with a minute left. Down to 33 seconds. Call time out! You have two! High ball for Andrews is broken up. Again: Why Hill here? Penalty is offensive holding. Huntley gets away but throws incomplete.
Did the Bengals just ice the Ravens on fourth and 20? Here's the throw to the end zone. It's into a crowd — and it falls incomplete. No. 3 on the Ravens had a shot at it. Harbaugh's pissed, but he's got only himself to blame.
So we've got Doug vs. Andy and a Bengals-Bills... can you call it a rematch? (Bengals 24, Ravens 17)

I have zero memory of Eric Dickerson on MNF. Lamb drops an easy one. Cowboys go three and out in thirteen seconds. Mike McCarthy, everybody! Then the Bucs do the same. Why is Tom Cruise here? Hulk Hogan's also here, as well as John Daly.
Pollard gains yards! Kudos. Vita Vea wrecks the whole line and gets to Prescott. This game is trash so far. Gallup! Nice ups on that catch and that's the first first down of the game. More Pollard. Touchdown Schultz. Extra point is no good. Now the Buccaneers start putting together a drive. Hey, Evans caught a pass! Flip toss to Godwin creates first and goal. Second quarter opens with Brady lobbing one into the end zone, but Kearse intercepts it!
Dak whiffs on a block. That was amusing. Offensive holding pushes them back. McGovern back in at fullback but Zeke gets stopped on third and goal. Prescott bootleg to the house. Maher misses AGAIN. What's going on there? That's not like him.
Buccaneers PUNT? OK then. Jason Peters, as usual, coming out of a game. Dak with another scramble and he gets 10 and into Bucs territory. He rolls left, gets no pressure, and finds Schultz for another touchdown. Maher misses AGAIN! Halftime here.
Pollard! How does Davis not intercept that? Buck's not sure Gallup was inbounds all the way there. We'd need a zoom of the overhead view to figure that out. They rule that Davis touched it first, so the touchdown stands.
Maher misses AGAIN!!! Good thing it won't matter.
Now Godwin fumbles and Malik Hooker picks it up and returns it inside the 20. Oh boy, the snap almost hit the ground. That actually could have been worse. Aikman thinks Godwin may have been down by contact. Out of commercial, the officials overturn the fumble, saying that Godwin was down. But they can't turn it into anything. Brady hits five straight completions. He finds Julio Jones down the sideline for a touchdown as the third quarter ends. They go for two but don't get it. 24-6. Touchdown Lamb! Did someone fall down? Oh, no, the Bucs just completely screwed up. Here comes Maher. It's GOOD!!! That's a hard 31. Brady almost got intercepted in the end zone again. Sack! 2:55 left and Gage is down after a shot to the neck. He's carted off after almost ten minutes. Bucs get a garbage time touchdown. Onside kick? Uh-oh. Bucs somehow recover it with two minutes left. OFF EVANS' FINGERTIPS. That sack should do it.
Me too.
(Cowboys 31, Buccaneers 14)
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