Sunday, February 12, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Residency

Eagles get the ball first. Tensions are high already, and they were before kickoff. Fred Warner down after the second play and he's too good to lose. He's back in after two plays. 49ers blitz but Brown scoops up a low throw to convert. Third down pass is short. They go on fourth and 3, and Smith makes a one-handed catch inside the 10! Sanders scores untouched.
Oh, it turns out Smith didn't hold on to the ball. Oh well. No Elijah Mitchell for the 49ers. The First Lady is here with Goodell. Eagles challenge this batted incomplete pass — are they saying it's actually a fumble?
Call REVERSED. Eagles ball! Erin reports they're looking at Purdy's wrist. Gainwell gets nothing on third and 4 from midfield, and they'll punt. And Josh Johnson is in at quarterback for the 49ers. Reddick sacks him on second down. Delay of game follows. McCaffrey gets about 16 back but the 49ers still punt. Now Bosa's down on the sideline. Hurts overthrows Brown deep. Punt isn't good. There's a penalty against the Eagles, who are all pointing up as if the ball hit the Skycam cable. If it did, then they'll re-kick it. Refs announce that they can't confirm that it hit the wire, so it's 49ers ball at midfield. Another delay of game. 49ers end up punting on fourth and 20. Covey shouldn't have caught that punt. Hurts barely escapes the end zone. 49ers feeding McCaffrey. He breaks eight tackles and scores. Eagles running game not working right now. Sneak on fourth down is successful. Deep ball to Smith is broken up. Jimmie Ward gets caught grabbing Brown. Now everybody's out of sorts. Nice run by Gainwell, who gets 17. Another penalty on a 49ers defensive back. Sanders gets chased down by Greenlaw. But on the next play, he finds another big hole for another touchdown. Olsen wonders how the 49ers will play this with 1:36 left. They throw it and Deebo gets a first down. Fumble! Eagles ball! Johnson just dropped the snap and Reddick comes out with it. Goedert gets a first down. Face mask on Greenlaw? Yeah, and he knew it. Touchdown Scott! Wait, these aren't the Giants. Eagles line up to go for two but they had 12 men on the field. PAT is good. McCloud returns the kickoff to the 40...
...but it ends up not mattering. 21-7 Eagles at halftime. Is Johnson having trouble hearing the calls? After that delay of game he pointed to his ear.
Johnson gets drilled and Slay just misses the interception. And now they're looking at Johnson? McCaffrey's the emergency quarterback and they're changing his helmet as Johnson is taken off the field. This might be a concussion check, as his head bounced off the ground after this. Purdy comes back in and just hands it off to McCaffrey. Purdy back in after the Eagles go three and out, but who knows how his wrist is.
(Yes, that is that Drew Henson making that joke.) Screen to McCaffrey doesn't work because two guys didn't block Edwards. Did Gainwell catch that? He sure did. 49ers come after this punt, and Kern barely gets it off, but the refs call roughing, giving the Eagles a first down. (Running into the kicker would have made it 4th and 1.) Three straight Hurts designed runs is not what I would have done here, but it's working. He gets hit out of bounds on the last one. That's too far for a sneak. That might be too, but the Eagles get in anyway. 28-7. Deebo takes the kickoff. Johnson's been ruled out. If Purdy can't throw, we're done here. And we might be done here even if he can. They give it to Deebo on fourth and 2 and he gets stuffed. There may not be any more pass attempts in this game. Greenlaw gets penalized for throwing punches. He was trying to punch the ball out while Gainwell was stood up, but he didn't stop. These guys are falling apart.
What's that about? Elliott eventually makes it 31-7. Couple of scrums break out, then Trent Williams throws an Eagle down and the flags start flying. Both Williams and K'Von Wallace, who he threw to the ground, get tossed. Sirianni pulls Hurts because this game's over and the 49ers are going out like punks.
(Eagles 31, 49ers 7)

Bengals are moving backwards. That first drive net gained four yards before they had to punt. The Chiefs aren't going to win this challenge, I don't think. Nope, call stands. Butker hits from 43 and we have points. The Bengals' second drive somehow goes worse than their first one.

FUMBLE but McKinnon saves it for the Chiefs. Touchdown Pacheco. Wait, they called a hold? What? Oh man. Mahomes throws short and that had no chance of reaching the end zone. Butker makes it 6-0. Karlaftis with the Chiefs' fourth sack already.
Burrow finds Boyd on third and 14 and the Bengals finally cross midfield. Hurst with a drop in the end zone. Field goal is good. Mahomes goes downfield to MVS twice in a row. Fourth and 1. Chiefs load up with tight ends. Mahomes rolls and Kelce's got it for a touchdown. Watson jumps in front of Higgins and picks off an underthrown Burrow pass. Bryan Cook hits Hurst, and Thornhill ends up with the pick, but the hit was early and the Bengals keep the ball. Higgins to the 5. Then Watson knocks it away on the next play. Bengals kick a field goal. 13-6 Chiefs at halftime. Burrow DRAW. HIGGINS!! Up between two defenders and he pulls it down for a touchdown. We're tied at 13.
Mahomes fires through a tight window to Hardman, and they're both feeling it afterwards. Hardman's down. Screen to MVS and he's got blockers. He gets 26. Chiefs challenge this spot on the stretch by MVS. They win, but they're out of challenges.
Also, they shouldn't have won that challenge. Mahomes dumps one off to Pacheco while being dragged down. The refs discuss it and rule (correctly) that he was down. Then he looks for Valdes-Scantling in the end zone — and finds him! 20-13 Chiefs. Offensive holding wipes out a 19-yard pass on third and 7. The snap gets away from Mahomes and the Bengals fall on it! Bengals go on fourth and 6 and Burrow hits Chase for 35! You can take that chance with those two guys to throw to. Perine powers in for a touchdown. We're tied again. Now Pacheco's struggling after that run. Wait, what's going on?
Then the Bengals get a sack anyway. But Apple's called for defensive holding on the next play.
Chiefs are... punting? This time, Cook knocks the ball away from Higgins... right to Joshua Williams! Chiefs ball! Pacheco breaks a tackle and gets 16 on a swing pass. Bengals decline a holding penalty on the Chiefs to make it fourth and 8 with 2:36 left. Nantz notes that McKinnon is the up man here but the Chiefs punt it away.
That's intentional grounding, Hurst left wide open on third and 16. SACK! Skyy Moore returns the punt to midfield.
Mahomes scrambles right and gets the first down going out of bounds. Then Ossai hits him late and grabs his knee and Mahomes get up slowly. You gotta throw that flag.
Now Butker's got a 41-yarder with eight seconds left. It's GOOD! That's such a Bengals way to lose.
(Chiefs 23, Bengals 20)

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