Sunday, February 12, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth: Guaranteed Money

A surrounded Mahomes finds Kelce just as he's about to be taken down, and Kelce just barely makes the first down. Then he somehow gets isolated in the middle of the field and no Jaguar can catch up to him.
Uh-oh. Agnew can do this. The Chiefs run him down but he still returns it 63 yards. Etienne breaks through on third and short and takes it all the way down to the 10. The Jaguars line up Kirk in the backfield, then Lawrence lofts one to him for a tying touchdown. No way a defensive end is covering that. Mahomes dodges the rush and finds Justin Watson. On the next play, Arden Key falls on Mahomes' leg, and he's limping. Chad Henne warming up, but Mahomes limps back out there. Yeah, he's struggling to step back and hand the ball off, even. First quarter ends. They tape it up and he goes back out for the second quarter. That's an incomplete pass. Butker hits from 50.
And now he's off to the locker room after this Jaguars drive ends. Punt goes down to the Chiefs' 2. Henne's in. He gives it to Pacheco and he takes it to the 16. His first pass is deflected and ALMOST intercepted. That was CLOSE.
Henne hits Toney to convert third down. Then he does it again, and tack on 15 for roughing. "Everybody shut up." Hot mic, ref! Pacheco bounces a run outside and gets 40 to the Jaguars' 4! Touchdown Kelce. Weirdly, Henne might be better in this year's Chiefs offense than last year's, if it comes to that:
Long shot for Kirk falls incomplete through his hands. Lawrence dumps it to Hasty for a first down. Pass gets broken up with 31 seconds left. Patterson makes a 41-yarder. Collinsworth wonders if Pederson would have gone for it if there was more time left, as it was fourth and 2. Chiefs kneel and go to the locker room up 17-10. Mahomes comes back out and starts throwing, so it looks like he's going back in. First play is a handoff. Mahomes is forced out of the pocket, hops, and dives for a first down. Rare miss to Kelce. That's a LOT of tape. Pacheco is ruled short on the sideline. Chiefs challenge... and lose? OK then. They sneak it and still don't get it.
OK, I can see letting Noah Gray get wide open.
JuJu gets hit with OPI, and it's third and 19 now. Screen to Kelce gets them back into field goal range. Butker's good from 50. Lawrence scramble. Lawrence to Zay Jones for 37. Reverse by Kirk gets 18 to the Chiefs' 4. Touchdown Etienne! Kelce gets open again. JuJu with a tough catch. Pacheco breaks a tackle on the sideline and is pushed out at the 4. Mahomes dances, jumps, and hits MVS for a touchdown! 27-17 with 7:08 left.
OH WOW JAYLEN WATSON! And the Jaguars just ran out of chances. They kick a field goal with 32 seconds left, since, well. Onside kick... fails. (Chiefs 27, Jaguars 20)


Eagles get the ball first. Hurts drops a DIME to Smith for 42. That quick slant to A.J. has not been stopped all year. Quick outside shots aren't working so far. Goedert with a one-handed grab and he turns upfield and scores. The CHAIN broke? There was a chain issue in the first game, too.
We really need a commercial break for this? Jones getting good protection so far. That is, until Reddick tags him and he goes down. Giants going on 4th and 8? The pocket breaks down and that might be intentional grounding? It's not called that, but whatever. Eagles line up for a sneak on third down but pitch it to Gainwell and he gets 15. Hurts gets a tough eight yards. Screen to Smith. Touchdown!
Jones runs around until Brieda gets loose and Jones finds him at midfield. Bradberry interception! Man, he scores if he doesn't fall. Second quarter opens with a false start. Hurts then throws his first incompletion. Jones gets hit and leaves the game, and he appears to be having a contact lens issue the way he's looking at his hand. Replay shows he picked it off of his face mask. Moose: "It is a contact sport." Hodgins makes the catch but he's short and the Giants set up to punt. They do kick it. (That looked like a bad spot to me.) Someone's down, and by the way Dickerson grabbed his ankle at the end of that replay, it might be him. The Eagles have run a lot more than they did on the first series. Sanders on the move. Hurts is so good at getting to the sideline once he heads that way. Goedert breaks a tackle but gets tripped up at the 4. Give it to Boston! Touchdown! Come on, man.
It's just silly now. Also, 21-0 Eagles. Joe Davis wonders if there's enough fireworks fuel.
Is the USFL taking shots at the XFL? And is there enough room for two spring leagues? Quick pass to Smith, who stumbles but keeps his feet and gets the first down. Gainwell gets hit late after a drop. Hurts juggles the snap, then takes it in himself. Eagles line up to go for two? Oh, they're not. LOL. WTF, Nick? Oh yeah, Peyton AND Eli are here tonight. Eagles almost block this punt. At least the Giants get the ball to start the second half? Three and out. Smith with a rare drop, and at first I thought he couldn't stay inbounds. Barkley finds a hole and gets 40. Jones runs left and barely makes the first down marker. Direct snap to Barkley, who hands it to Brieda, fooling everyone and getting the Giants a touchdown. Goedert open down the sideline. Hurts fumbles but the Eagles hang on to it. Smith gets eight back. Eagles punt. Fake? Kern went into a receiving spot. No, they're just trying to trick the Giants. Now they'll punt for real. Would've been a 55-yard field goal, FYI. We're through three. Jones throws short for Slayton on third and 6. Then they... punt? Really? Gainwell! That last surge to get the first down pops the crowd. Elliott makes it 31-7. Jones sees James wide open down the field and James drops it. Then Jones gets hit from behind. He finds Marcus Johnson for a first down, then gets sacked again two plays later. They're only at the 35? Blankenship misses a pick on fourth down but it doesn't matter. Late touchdown by Gainwell. Howie on the sideline! This score feels familiar. That was five years ago today? Damn. (Eagles 38, Giants 7)

Snow on the ground! It's a nice dusting. It started about an hour ago. Bengals will start with the ball. Moving early despite being down the entire right side of their offensive line. Chase finds a hole in the coverage and splits two defenders for a touchdown. Allen overthrows Diggs on third down. Mixon with a burst and he gets to midfield. Bills are offside. There's another Mixon run. Hurst gets behind the defense for another touchdown. 14-0 Bengals quickly.

Hendrickson hits Allen in the back but doesn't knock him down, and he's able to throw it away. Bills punt. Seven Bengals already have catches. First quarter ends with a Vonn Bell sack on a blitz. Are we sure that's the Hamlin family? All the snow's blocking the view of the suite. Allen to Diggs for the Bills' first first down. Beasley picks up another one. Bengals stuff James Cook on third and 2. Allen sneaks and gets it. Shakir was as open as the Bengals have been so far. Allen keeper is initially stopped, then he gets pushed to the 1. They do it again and he scores, then gets in Bates's face. Chase isn't easy to bring down. First and goal. Touchdown Chase! He went up between two defenders and somehow stayed inbounds. They're looking at control. Steratore thinks there's a chance this gets overturned because the ball comes loose even though it never hits the ground.
Call REVERSED and the Bengals settle for three.
Allen throws a perfectly placed ball to Davis. They go deep to Diggs but it's incomplete. Fans are unhappy they're punting but it's fourth and 10. Burrow scrambles for some reason, gets to the Bills' 47, but can't get out of bounds, and they spike it with two seconds left. Hail Mary falls short. Allen throws too high for Diggs, who then heads off seemingly hurt. Bass hits it and it's 17-10. Hurst jumps over a guy to convert third and 10. The refs start moving the chains, then stop, and Zac Taylor wants them to reset the play clock. They don't, but Mixon gets 13 on a toss on third and 1. Bills get caught with 12 men on the field at the goal line. Then they jump offside. Touchdown? Maybe? Touchdown.
Why are the Bills punting? White gets called for DPI on Higgins, then he and Poyer collide helmet to helmet. This Bengals drive ends with a field goal. 11:22 left. Mike Hilton blitzes and hits Allen, and they call this a fumble! This is close. They end up ruling it an incomplete pass. Allen actually went into the medical tent, but came back out in time for the next play. Allen looks to the end zone on fourth and 6, but Apple (!!!) breaks it up. Romo had called out a double-team on Diggs, but Allen didn't have anywhere to go for a few seconds. Should they have kicked a field goal there and made it a two-score game? Especially with no time outs? Bills haven't done much right today. Burrow: "Better send those refunds." (Bengals 27, Bills 10)

What the hell, Dak? Who was that even intended for? The 49ers get three on a 26-yarder by Gould. Fourth and 1. The Cowboys go to Lamb on a sweep and he gets the first. Touchdown Schultz. Here we go.

BLOCKED! ADVENTURE TIME CONTINUES! Yeah, that was a miss if it wasn't blocked.
Jennings gets the first down and add his jersey number to that for unnecessary roughness. Purdy finds Deebo. Gould ties it from 47 in the swirling wind. Greenlaw hits Zeke out of bounds and gets flagged. Then he chases down Pollard and brings him down short. Cowboys may go for it on fourth and 4 from the 35, but we'll find out after the two-minute warning. Well, they are. 49ers blitz, Dak gets out of it, and he runs for the first down. That Pollard injury doesn't look good. INTERCEPTION! Jimmie Ward deflects it to Greenlaw and so much for any of that. Dak threw it right into the coverage.
What the hell, Kyle? Call time out. They wasted about 25 seconds. What are we doing here? Gould from 50. It kind of knuckles up there but it's good. 9-6 49ers at halftime.
Pollard is OUT with an ankle injury. McCloud fumbles the punt! Cowboys have it! Lamb gets a first down. Dak gets lucky THAT one wasn't picked off a deflection. Here comes Maher for a 25-yarder. It's GOOD! McCloud returns the kickoff to midfield! Good job, both of them.
Unfortunately for the Niners, nothing comes of it. Purdy was bound to suck at some point. How did Lamb catch that? Then Warner runs with him and Dak can't hit Lamb. Fourth and 5 from the 49ers' 40. The Cowboys take a delay of game and punt. Weak. Kittle with an amazing one-handed juggling catch. Purdy goes down but there's a flag downfield. Defensive holding. Then Diggs drops an interception. Touchdown McCaffrey!
Turpin with a big return. He bumps into Gould and that's what brings him down. Lamb left uncovered. Tualoga NOT sacking Dak on that blitz is malpractice. Dak misses Lamb. Maher hits from 43. Kittle with another big play. Gould makes it 19-12 with 3:04 left. Greenlaw drops a pick. Gallup beat his man, but the throw was off target and he had to turn around. Then Dak gets sacked. Cowboys wasting time getting the punt unit on the field. Olsen's talking about this but doesn't mention that the Cowboys should have used a time out there. Also, why are they even punting? Mitchell gets the first down, but gets pushed out of bounds. Dak almost gets hit for a safety. LOL. Schultz gets knocked out of bounds but he went backwards, so the clock doesn't stop! Ten seconds. They're looking at this Schultz catch and he didn't get both feet down. Last gasp and the first guy gets PLASTERED. Wait, did Zeke snap the ball? What the hell was the plan here? (49ers 19, Cowboys 12)
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