Tuesday, January 31, 2023

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 18: At Both Ends

So, after all of... that... how do you just get back to business? That's one way, I guess, as McKinnon scores on a pass play to give the Chiefs a 7-0 lead. Thornhill picks off Stidham. Jacobs stumbles but still manages to convert third and 1. Ameer Abdullah's still around? Raiders go for it because why not, but the pass is incomplete. Mahomes scrambles on third and 10 for a first down, with the ball coming out at the end. Reid empties the playbook but the touchdown gets called back, only for Toney to score on a reverse on the next play.

Raiders are collapsing. Two guys move on an illegal shift and Stidham gets sacked and fumbles. Chiefs ball at the Raiders' 30 with nine seconds left. Butker's 44-yarder makes it 24-3 Chiefs at halftime. They're not gonna blow this.

(Chiefs 31, Raiders 13)

DUUUUVAAAAAL. More instrumental anthems, please. Titans go three and out after getting the ball first. Zay Jones loses his footing after nine yards on third down and the Jaguars punt. Robert Woods on the return? OK. Buck mistakenly identifies Burks as Westbrook-Ikine (I think the stadium PA announcer also did this) , then cops to it on the next play. Aikman: "First mistake in 20 years." Dobbs has to throw it away on third and 3 from the Jags' 48. They go for it on fourth down and Dobbs gets it to Hooper. Completion to Woods gets another first. Burks makes a catch, then seems to throw it up to another Titans player, but that's an illegal forward pass, which will set up a 51-yard field goal. Now Etienne just slips for no reason. Reverse to Agnew is mishandled and the Titans recover!

Touchdown Okonkwo! Agnew with a big kickoff return past midfield. Christian Kirk beats Roger McCreary and Lawrence has excellent protection, leading to an easy touchdown. Dobbs scrambles left for 11. Buck figures that Dobbs' intangibles must be solid for him to have stuck around as long as he has without any starts under his belt. Bullock puts the Titans up 13-7 at halftime. Lawrence sneaks it and Aikman's still not sure he got the first down. I think I see it. Kirk with a diving catch for another first down. Lawrence misses a wide-open Zay Jones in the end zone by a LOT and the Jags have to settle for three. Henry halfback pass is incomplete and it draws a sketchy DPI flag. Bullock is good from 41. Big Henry run is called back because of a hold. Jaguars get an interception off an underthrown pass, and Tyson Campbell returns it to the Titans' 26.
Lawrence throws incomplete under pressure on third down. 16-13 Titans early in the fourth. Jaguars get a 22-yard punt return but can't do anything with it. That's a great punt. Titans force another punt. If Lamar's healthy, one of these teams is simply playing to get smoked next weekend. Dobbs it hit from behind, and the Jaguars pick it up and score. Is it a fumble, though? It should be and it IS! Touchdown The Other Josh Allen! 20-16 with 2:51 left. Titans get to midfield at the two-minute warning. This is where Vrabel makes his worst coaching mistakes, FYI. Pocket collapses and Dobbs fumbles but the Titans recover. False start. They throw short to Hassan Haskins (???) on fourth and 14 and he doesn't get there! Aikman notes that Dobbs didn't see Burks down the field. Jaguars taking knees. They go in on a W6, while the Titans end on an L7.
Tough scene. (Jaguars 20, Titans 16)

Signal Finder: NE @ BUF, NYJ @ MIA, BAL @ CIN (end), NYG @ PHI, DAL @ WSH

The. Opening. Kickoff. You can't write this stuff.

Mac backs into Greg Rousseau for a sack on third down. Things seem to have settled emotionally, as much as they can, at least. Pats driving. Refs confer on this Meyers catch and eventually decide it's a touchdown. I think it'll hold up. It does and we're tied.
Diggs with great awareness, moving his head at the last possible second to see the ball coming. Allen has plenty of time to find Knox for a touchdown. Ed Oliver gets away with jumping offsides. CBS has eschewed the crawler for three score bugs for Jets-Dolphins, Ravens-Bengals, and Browns-Steelers. Stevenson goes over 1,000 yards. Pats doing a lot here, and it ends with a wide-open Devante Parker for a touchdown. Allen gets pressured into throwing a costly interception. Tied at halftime. White picks off Mac at the Bills' 1! But Singletary fumbles two plays later and McCourty recovers for the Patriots! Field goal puts the Pats in front. OH MY GOD YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. Nyheim Hines just returned his second kickoff for a touchdown TODAY. And the Bills are right back in front.
The Goodells are here. That's the second two-kickoff return touchdown game since Leon Washington for the Seahawks in 2010. Allen rolls right and fires downfield at the last second for... John Brown? He's back? Touchdown! He was on the practice squad after being their leading receiver three years ago. Pats go for it on fourth and 1 from the Bills 36 because they don't have much choice. It's a pass to Meyers for 10. Touchdown Parker! That's his second today and third of the year. What a disappointment he's been. They go for two but it doesn't work. Allen with a ridiculous throw to Diggs for a 49-yard touchdown. Deep ball to Parker goes off his helmet. Oh no, a Bills player touched this punt and it's a live ball. Patriots have it. Mac throws too high and Milano picks it off in the end zone. Nantz calls the Dolphins go-ahead field goal on a slight delay. Bills take knees to end it. Romo says it's likely the end for Patriots special teams ace Matthew Slater, and Nantz adds that McCourty's future is also up in the air. Hines facetiming someone on the field. (Bills 35, Patriots 23)


Then they got another pick-six. Now Ehlinger's thrown another interception. The Colts came all the way back. My goodness. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, TEXANS? DON'T GO FOR TWO! Oh my God. They got it.
And Lovie got fired after the game. (Texans 32, Colts 31)

The Bears started Nathan Peterman, then went to Tim Boyle in the second quarter. Guess who's on the clock! (Vikings 29, Bears 13)


The Panthers scored their touchdown on a fumble recovery in the end zone. Pineiro from 42. It's GOOD! And the Eagles secure a top-10 pick! (Panthers 10, Saints 7)

Joe Flacco starts for the eliminated Jets, for some reason. Sanders field goal is the first points of the game with 5:25 left in the first half. FOX is doing a similar thing to CBS, but without Ravens-Bengals. Flacco delivers a strike under pressure to Tyler Conklin. Field goal ties it at 3. This is the first matchup of two quarterbacks wearing No. 19 since Joe Montana vs. Scott Mitchell in 1993. Mostert on an end around for 21. Skylar Thompson got hit low on an incompletion, forcing a field goal, and now he's in the medical tent. For some reason, I already know that Cedrick Wilson is the emergency quarterback, which explains why the announcers were speculating on what Bridgewater could do if he had to play. McDaniel has challenged this Wilson catch, saying that he wasn't down by contact and that he fumbled. Call STANDS. These teams can't score touchdowns (the Jets don't have one in the last 12 quarters now) and Legatron makes it 6-6. Thompson's back in. He throws a wobbler that Gesicki somehow holds on to. Waddle comes back to this throw. Wilson gets stuffed by Quincy Williams. Marino on the sideline. Sanders comes in with 23 seconds left. 50-yarder is GOOD! Jets' last gasp falls short. The Dolphins are in, for whatever it's worth. (Dolphins 11, Jets 6)

Harris goes over the pile but he fumbles! Browns recover! You know who hasn't been good is Deshaun Watson. Tomlin's over-.500 streak continues. (Steelers 28, Browns 14)

What happened to Huntley? Anthony Brown is starting? Jebus. Mixon scores and celebrates by pretending to flip a coin. Ravens have been sloppy all game, and that fumble probably just ensured we're getting a rematch next week. We're not getting a coin flip, either. (Bengals 27, Ravens 16)

This is Tom Brady's first losing season as a starter. Why did he even play in this game? (Falcons 30, Buccaneers 17)

They've already had Mike Williams carted off. (Broncos 31, Chargers 28)

Giants-Eagles back on CBS. What am I, 12? Davis Webb starting over Tyrod Taylor is weird. Slant to Brown gets 35, and he breaks Mike Quick's single-season receiving yards record. Quez! Hurts coming out throwing. Field goal is good. Offense scuffles a bit but Hurts finds Brown downfield for 37. Charles Davis doesn't expect Hurts to run much today for several reasons. Two good runs by Sanders. Feels like they want him to get a touchdown here, as he's close with Hamlin, a fellow Pittsburgh native. Touchdown Boston Scott, because that's what he does against the Giants. That's his 10th touchdown against them. He has 17 total.

Edwards gets flagged for a late hit on Webb out of bounds. Giants run a fake field goal but the Eagles are on it and they get to the holder. That gets ruled as a sack. Eagle correctly notes that it is a requirement in perpetuity to show a cheesesteak at some point during an Eagles game. When Webb was in Buffalo, the Bills were seriously interested in making him a coach, but he still wanted to play, and he ended up back with the Giants after Daboll was hired. Epps drops an interception. Big pop for intentional grounding. Second and 31? Sure. Hurts takes off for eight and a first down. Hurts gets throws back for a big loss on first and goal. Smith gets some of it back but is brought down in the open field. Elliott good from 39. 16-0 Eagles at halftime.
Giants try an onside kick and Wallace almost picks it up, but Nakobe Dean is on it. Screen to Goedert gets a first down. Touchdown Smith. But it's taken off the board because of an illegal man downfield call, then Hurts gets intercepted in the end zone. That sucked.
Good thing the Giants' offense can't do anything. Smith bobbles it for about 10 yards before securing it. Elliott hits from 54. Giants have a first and goal after Slay gets fooled on a double move. Back-to-back delay of games? Really, Giants? Field goal is good. Mike Trout's here, unsurprisingly, with Jessica and the kid. Edwards whiffs on a tackle and Webb scores on a run. Eagles grinding down the clock. Offense stalls again because they've taken out all of the designed Hurts runs this week.
Elliott makes it 22-9 with three minutes left. GOLLADAY? Giants fans wondering where that's been the last two years. Onside kick goes right to Blankenship. Take a load off, boys. (Eagles 22, Giants 16)

Sam Howell finds McLaurin for an easy touchdown and the Commanders take an early lead. Turpin muffs the punt and the Commanders get it at the 14. Cowboys short-circuiting early. Slye shanks a 31-yarder. Howell throws to three Cowboys and no Commanders in the end zone, and it's predictably picked off. Then Dak throws a pick-six!

Kendall Fuller jumped the route after dropping one on the previous play. Burkhardt and Olsen are a little too surprised to see that happen. Slye misses the extra point right. Then he CLANGS one off the post.
The Cowboys offense is dead right now. Dak's all over the place. But he escapes a sure sack and gets to fourth and 1. Sneak works, but they don't spike it and Dak throws it out of the end zone. Touchdown Lamb. Now Maher misses the PAT. 13-6 Commanders at halftime. Dak still throwing the ball all over the place. They just now retired Sonny Jurgensen's No. 9? Seven three-and-outs for the Cowboys. Howell with a rushing touchdown, and he took some shots on the way. Hey, a successful kick! Man, Cowboys-Bucs is gonna SUCK. (Commanders 26, Cowboys 6)

Touchdown McCaffrey. Cardinals aren't lying down here as Corey Clement scores. Kittle with a nice toe-tapping catch in the end zone. 49ers pulling away now. Godspeed, J.J. (49ers 38, Cardinals 13)

Myers MISSES! We're going to overtime! BAKER NOOOOO!!! Catastrophic. Myers redeems himself. crosses off Lions (Seahawks 19, Rams 16, OT)

Big pass interference penalty puts the Packers at the Lions' 5. Rodgers almost takes off on third down, but throws it at the last second, but no one's there to catch it. Field goal is good. Anzalone swoops in and stops Jones on fourth and short. Not sure why the Packers went for it from their own 38. Lions tie it at 3. Hutchinson beats his man and gets to Rodgers, forcing another field goal. Crosby JUST makes it. Packers challenge this St. Brown catch... and win. That was a catch, though. Campbell: "We don't want them to go. That's our motivation." Leaping catch by Tonyan. Dillon drops a pass, then Hutchinson drops Rodgers. 73's got nothing for him right now. Crosby makes it 9-3. Long touchdown to Jameson Williams is called back for holding. Badgley misses the field goal after all that. Cris putting over Cincinnati while talking about Hamlin makes me realize that they're going to play each other next season, since they both won their divisions. Jones fumbles and the Lions appear to have it. Goff finds Swift over the middle, and they lose 12 seconds getting to the line. For some reason, Rasul Douglas came in and tried to swipe the ball from the center on the field goal try. And everybody just stood there like nothing happened. The refs throw a flag, and Badgley hits a 33-yarder instead of a 48-yarder. None of that made sense. 9-6 Packers at the half. The Packers send Jones deep but rookie Kerby Joseph breaks the pass up. Rodgers throws too early for Doubs on third down. Crosby's 54-yarder hits the crossbar and goes OUT. No good! Magnum P.I.'s moving to NBC? Oh. Goff throws a rainbow and Khalif Raymond runs it down at the 1. Touchdown Jamaal Williams and the Lions lead. Rodgers throws deep and Watson does a great job of stopping and making the catch through all kinds of contact. Touchdown Lazard and maybe this game has opened up finally. Bahktiari gets called for offensive holding, then a Joseph interception is nullified by illegal hands to the face. Lions on the move again. Swift tries to hurdle Alexander after a swing pass. It doesn't work. Lions go for it on 4th and 3 and they actually run a play. Chark makes the catch.

Everything is to the left, for some reason. We've got a weird situation here: There's a personal foul after this Swift run, then Quay Walker gets caught shoving a member of the training staff who's checking on him. The refs confer again and Walker gets tossed.
I seem to remember him getting kicked out of another game this season. Tirico confirms I'm right. Williams to the goal line but apparently not in. He gets in on the next play for his 17th rushing touchdown this year, which breaks Barry Sanders' team record. 5:55 left. Lions blitz and Joseph gets the interception back!
The refs rule this St. Brown play incomplete, but then they change it to a catch. Whoa... that ball never hits the ground. It went down between St. Brown's legs, but it never touched the ground and he grabbed it away from Savage. Then the Packers jump offside. Possibly intentionally? The Lions decline the penalty. Swift gets 14 on second and 17 on a DESIGNED LATERAL. The Lions have none to give.
We're at two minutes. Williams gets stopped short. Packers have no time outs. The Lions throw it and Chark catches it! It's over! The Lions sweep the Packers and the Seahawks hang on to the last playoff spot.
Rodgers is LINGERING on the tundra. crosses off Packers Audible "Let's Go Lions" chant postgame. Williams: "Stop PLAYING with us!"

Schedule's out! Oh, the Jaguars don't get the Houston Texans Memorial Saturday afternoon spot! That goes to Seahawks-49ers. (They play Saturday night.) (Lions 20, Packers 16)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. San Francisco (13-4) — Can Purdy handle the playoffs?
2. Philadelphia (14-3) — That took too long
3. Buffalo (13-3) — Riding the waves
4. Cincinnati (12-4) — See you next week

BOTTOM 4:
29. Denver (5-12) — Russ has secrely been better since the firing
30. Indianapolis (4-12-1) — Come on, man
31. Chicago (3-14) — Folding to perfection
32. Houston (3-13-1) — YOU FOOLS

Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)