Wednesday, November 30, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 11: Close Combat


Titans are down a kicker among a bunch of other starters. Meanwhile, the left side of the Packers' offensive line is playing hurt. Tannehill goes deep to the recently returned Treylon Burks. We got snow here. That's aggressive. Hilliard with a touchdown catch from Tannehill.

Henry whiffs on a blitz and Tannehill goes down. Rodgers's right thumb is partially mummified. Dillon with a couple of good runs. Jones fumbles but Cobb falls on it. Rodgers finagles a free play as always and turns it into Watson's fourth touchdown in five days. PAT is blocked. 7-6 Titans. Direct snap to Henry at midfield and the Titans convert fourth and short. Titans go for it again at the Packers' 7, but Henry gets stopped! Twenty plays down the drain.

And what do the Packers do in response? Go three and out, then get off a punt that's not all that good. Touchdown Henry and the third down stop pays off. 14-6 Titans at halftime. Pocket falls apart on Rodgers as he tries to throw a three-yard screen to Jones on 3rd and 11. Field goal is good. Quick pass to Henry and he's off. DERRICK HENRY JUMP PASS TO HOOPER. TOUCHDOWN TITANS. That's just demoralizing. PAT hits the upright. 20-9 Titans. Lazard somehow stays inbounds at the Titans' 5. Another touchdown for Watson. Jones gets the two points and it's 20-17.

Graphic shows the 2018 coaching hires, and Vrabel's the only one left with the same team. Touchdown Hooper! There's some discussion as to whether this will count, since the ball pops into a Packers player's hands after the fact. Nah, that's a touchdown. It takes two dudes at minimum to bring Henry down. Rasul Douglas picks off Tannehill. Lazard can't handle the third down pass, then Rodgers overthrows him on fourth down. 5:15 left. Rodgers finds Watson for 18 on 3rd and 19, but Jones doesn't get the final yard. The Titans throw a 51-yard bomb to Burks... because they're trolls? NOW they're taking knees. That's just disrespectful.

(Titans 27, Packers 17)

Signal Finder: PHI @ IND, DET @ NYG, NYJ @ NE (end), CAR @ BAL (end), DAL @ MIN, CIN @ PIT (end)

Lions kick the field goal from the Giants' 3? Strange. Jones runs away from pressure and finds Matt Brieda coming across the field for 16. Jones scores on a bootleg. Wind blows the PAT hilariously off course. Goff scrambles for a first down, but offensive holding brings it back. HUGE Bronx cheer after this Golladay catch, only his third of the year. Aiden Hutchinson picks off Jones. What? Lions have first and goal after a DPI that no one in the booth agrees with. Touchdown Jamal Williams and it's 10-6 Lions. Giants are backed up at their own 4 before Wan'Dale Robinson gets free on the near sideline. Good no-call on this third down incompletion. Punt is shanked and the Lions get decent starting field position. They turn first and 20 into first and goal, partially thanks to a missed false start. Williams punches it in. Giants don't spike it and lose about 10 seconds. 17-6 Lions at halftime. That's the second Cabinda drop today that would have been a big play. Touchdown Williams! That's three! Jones makes a bad throw on 4th and 5 and it's intercepted. Touchdown Brieda. Another missed PAT by Gano. Goff finds a wide-open Josh Reynolds on third and 7. Goff makes a bad decision to throw deep into double coverage but the Giants don't intercept it. They offense stays out on fourth and 10, but they take a delay of game and punt because of the wind. Giants fumble and Hutchinson recovers it for the Lions! Touchdown Swift. Touchdown Giants but they miss the two-point conversion. Good win for the Lions; embarrassing loss for New York Blue. (Lions 31, Giants 18)

The Commanders have won four in a row. Is Carson Wentz's career over? (Commanders 23, Texans 10)

Quite a few homecomings here. Colts' offensive line finally living up to its billing. Taylor for 28. Ryan sneak just gets there. Touchdown Taylor on third and goal. Holding penalty on Grant Calcaterra ends up killing the Eagles' first drive. Random thought: Do they ever open the roof here anymore? Eagles get three penalties in a row, with a final OPI creating 1st and 35.


Yeah, this drive is toast. Hurts with a nice cut to convert 3rd and 5. Eagles finally putting a drive together. That's a touchdown for Brown with a better throw, I think. Then the snap goes high and the Eagles lose eight. Hurts gets knocked out of bounds at the 5. Field goal is good. Gainwell gets nowhere on 3rd and 2. McLaughlin hits from 53. 10-3 Colts at the half. Hurts gets sacked and fumbles! Colts ball. Wait, who actually challenged this third down play? It's not a catch by any definition. Oh, they called it a catch and fumble out of bounds and the Eagles correctly challenged it. Call REVERSED. Why are the Eagles going for it on 4th and 10? This coaching staff has lost the plot. New Eagle Suh with a sack! Weird seeing him with a number in the 70s (74). Colts punt — which the Eagles should have done — and the Eagles are pinned at their own 5.

Now they've just stopped covering receivers. Eagles manage a sack. McLaughlin misses to the right from 50. Hurts spins out of a couple of moves and gets 23. Touchdown Watkins. Taylor takes it into the pile, keeps going, the whistle never blows, and he eventually fumbles and the Eagles recover! Two big runs by Hurts. BROWN fumbles and the Colts get it right back! Ryan with a sick throw to Pierce on third and 12. Then he finds Parris Campbell inside the 5. That's game. Reddick with a sack. McLaughlin hits from 36 with 4:37 left. Sanders gets tackled 40 yards downfield and it draws an obvious flag. I'm not sure that was even catchable but you can't ignore it when it's that blatant. Boston Scott? Here? These aren't the Giants. Fourth and 2. They line up in some weird triple I formation to try to get the Colts to jump but it doesn't work. So what's Plan B? Hurts keeps it and gets there.

He tries it again but the Colts sniff it out. Hurts goes in UNTOUCHED. The middle of the field was completely cleared out. And it's not like the Colts let him score — they called two time outs after he got the first down. Pressure forces Ryan into a low throw. Graham sacks Ryan on third and 9. Fourth and 21 and the Colts don't even come close. This is the sign of a good team — winning a game they have absolutely no business winning. (Eagles 17, Colts 16)


And apparently CBS only has one camera working here and no replays. It's 3-3 after 3 and both Mac and Zach are stinking up the joint. We come here after Eagles-Colts with 1:52 left. Pats drop a pick. Garrett Wilson gets blatantly held, which may account for the longest yardage gain of either team today. The Jets have two yards of offense this half. TWO!

Jets punt. OH MY GOD. 85 YARD PUNT RETURN TOUCHDOWN FOR MARCUS JONES WITH NINE SECONDS LEFT. True Patriots bullshit. That's the first punt return touchdown this season.

The Jets are cursed in that building. What's the opposite of holy ground? (Patriots 10, Jets 3)

Ravens finally wake up. JPP with an interception that'll seal it. (Ravens 13, Panthers 3)

Here we have the two worst coaches in the NFL facing HEAD ON. And that's three overtime losses for the Broncos this season. (Raiders 22, Broncos 16)

So we're rooting for the Vikings, right? Who chokes harder, McCarthy or Cousins? Parsons chases down Cousins and forces a fumble, and the Cowboys recover.


Zeke's back, and he gets four on his first carry. Vikings' defense holds and the Cowboys settle for a field goal. Cook with a big run. Vikings answer with a field goal. Pollard! Zeke punches it in. Cowboys on the move again as Romo notes that they've gone back to running the ball more with Zeke back. Pollard catches a swing pass and goes down the sideline untouched. Touchdown and it's 20-3 Cowboys. Jefferson only has two catches so far. Vikings facing third and 23 and that pass came out like a clay pigeon after it's been shot. Lamb with a tightrope-walking catch with five seconds left. Five seconds left and Maher comes on to try from 60. He hooks it INSIDE THE RIGHT UPRIGHT. That looked like it had no shot until probably when it reached the end zone. Wait, they were reviewing the previous play? Oh, Lamb may have lost possession? Call STANDS, but now Maher has to make a 60-yarder again. HE MAKES IT ANYWAY! Well that's that.

And now it's 30 to 3 after Dak finds Pollard downfield on a mismatch. Noah Brown with a... catch? Apparently it is. Another touchdown for Zeke and it's 37-3. WE'RE SWITCHING OUT.

Clearly. (Cowboys 40, Vikings 3)


It's the white-on-whites, FYI.

Anyway, when we get here, it's a one-point Bengals lead and they're about to get the ball back. That's a good kickoff return. Burrow gets buried, but they're in McPherson's range. It's good from 54 and it's 27-23 Bengals. Pickens fights through coverage for the catch. Flea-flicker fizzles when Pickett bobbles the pitch back. Drive ends up ending. Big catch by Boyd to get the Bengals out of their own end. Lot of Samaje Perine on this drive. Is Mixon hurt? (Yes.) Touchdown Perine. Bengals pulling away. Last-minute Harris touchdown Significant to Some? (No.) Pickens gets thrown out for a late hit on the onside kick. (Bengals 37, Steelers 30)

Aw, man, I missed a rouge. It's 7-4 Winnipeg, who's going for a three-peat. Halftime show is three guys who apparently aren't a band? And one of them's one-half of Florida Georgia Line? What an odd decision. Argonauts take the lead with 3:24 left. Interception! Field goal is BLOCKED! Bombers with a chance and THEIR field goal is blocked! This is NUTS. Wait, Chad Kelly is the Argonauts' backup quarterback? Toronto wins! (Argonauts 24, Blue Bombers 23)

FLEXING. Chargers get Allen and Williams back. But the Chiefs are down Juju and Hardman now. Big run by Isaiah Pacheco. Skyy Moore held on? Stop the presses. Bullet to Kelce is broken up. Chiefs end up kicking it. There's Allen right away. But it's Joshua Palmer who gets open deep for a touchdown! Williams with a nice spinning catch on the sideline. Dicker hits from 46.


That's a ridiculous throw. Kelce high-steps into the end zone. Carter! The experience he and Palmer got while Williams and Allen were out will only help this offense. Touchdown Ekeler. Bolton shoves Herbert out of bounds and that one's obvious. Chargers get a field goal to go up 20-13 at halftime. Moore again! Kelce pulls the ball out of a defender's hands. He breaks a tackle. Speed! Touchdown! Keenan Allen fumbles and the Chiefs have it. Wait, was his knee down? I guess not. Now Justin Watson fumbles and the Chargers get it back! Allen with a diving catch on a ball that Herbert just threw up there. Touchdown Chargers with 1:46 left! Herbert and Palmer made that look EASY. PAT is critical here and it's good.

Derwin James gets called for holding opposite of a third-down Mahomes overthrow. Kelce! TOUCHDOWN.


Still 34 seconds left. Herbert throws downfield, two Chiefs collide, and somehow Bolton ends up with the interception! What a finish. (Chiefs 30, Chargers 27)

VIVA MEXICO. No Kyler again tonight. This matchup was the first Mexico City game, too. This is a very pro-49ers crowd that ESPN Deportes' John Sutcliffe is getting hyped. It's raining. Lisa reminds us that Stadio Azteca is at a higher elevation than Denver — about 7350 feet above sea level. 49ers won the toss and deferred. McCoy to Hopkins for 17. Aikman points out that Hopkins and Hollywood Brown, who's still out injured, have yet to play together this season. (Hopkins was suspended for the first six games, and Hollywood got hurt before he got back.) Prater hits from 40. McCaffrey gets a big gain off of a toss play, with Trent Williams out front killing people. Deebo gets five on a screen with no secondary blocking.


Garoppolo finds Aiyuk on about his third read for a touchdown. That window was a little wider than I thought. Cardinals get hit with a taunting call after a first down. Jimmie Ward intercepts McCoy. He's correctly ruled down by contact even though he keeps running. Kittle scoops up a pass, bounces off a defender, and cruises into the end zone. Kittle met PENTA before the game and got a mask. Buck calls him both Pentagon Jr. and Penta El Zero Miedo.
GREG DORTSCH? Screen goes for 47 after Nick Bosa jumped offsides. Touchdown Conner. 49ers back on the move again. Field goal is good. McCoy kind of flop-slides and takes a shot. Bosa sack ends the half. Elijah Mitchell getting some run in his second game back. Reverse to Deebo and nobody's gonna touch him for a 39-yard touchdown. McCoy and Dortsch can't connect on fourth and 3 and the 49ers take over. Givens gets to McCoy untouched. Buck AUDIBLY shushes Aikman when the latter mentions how clean a game this has been so far. Garoppolo beats the blitz and finds Aiyuk for his second score of the night. McCoy might be a little woozy? Another Cardinals' fourth down attempt fails.

Has anyone seen Danhausen? This year's Mr. Irrelevant, Brock Purdy, is now in at quarterback for the 49ers. He then proceeds to turn the wrong way on a handoff, and if you ever saw Brock Purdy for any length of time in college, that should not surprise you in the slightest. (49ers 38, Cardinals 10)

RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (9-1) — Rather be lucky AND good
2. Kansas City (8-2) — Never a doubt?
3. Dallas (7-3) — A rare knockout punch
4. Miami (7-3) — Beach time

BOTTOM 4:
29. Las Vegas (3-7) — It should still be better than this
30. Denver (3-7) — And it should be a LOT better than THIS
31. Carolina (3-8) — Three points? THREE?
32. Houston (1-8-1) — And now they may need a quarterback

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