Monday, February 7, 2022

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 18: The Choice

Fowler and Herbstreit on the call in Denver, where I'm pretty sure Fowler lives. (Is he going to Australia? The Open starts, like, tomorrow, doesn't it? Actually, no, it doesn't. And even if it did, he wouldn't because they're doing the national championship game on Monday.) Hardman makes a mistake by fielding this punt inside the 5 and he only gets it to the 9. Mahomes scrambles for a first down to get them out of it. An easy touchdown to Kelce ends a 17-play, 91-yard (!) drive. Butker slips on the kickoff and the Broncos get it at their 35. Small scuffle afterwards. Lock throws deep into double coverage and overthrows Jeudy anyway. Chiefs nearly get this punt but that'll be roughing the kicker. WIDE RECEIVER PASS. Sutton finds a wide-open Fant at the Chiefs' 6. Herbstreit notices that that was somehow his second read. He's already better than Lock. Speaking of Lock, he pulls the ball down and runs into the end zone. Tyreek Hill injured his heel during warmups, which is why we haven't seen much of him. Always love holding on a sack. Shelby Harris gets Mahomes and forces a punt. Lock takes off again. Is he gonna make it? He does! Mahomes throws across the field to find Pringle. Herbstreit, praising his vision: "That's against the rules." Hill back in the game. Mahomes rolls right but mistimes his throw, but Kyle Fuller drops a potential pick.


Chiefs get to Lock and force a punt with 23 seconds left. Chiefs dump it off to Williams to end the half.


Mahomes takes off and gets 25 before going out of bounds. Jerick McKinnon takes a swing pass, weaves through traffic, and scores. Chiefs lead. Lock with a good throw to Patrick in a tight spot for a first down. Touchdown Gordon! He juked the blitzing linebacker, found the hole, and that was it. People are sliding all over the place. Patrick loses the ball but it's ruled incomplete. Probably not worth a challenge. Chiefs get called for offensive holding, which Herbstreit doesn't like. I don't like the play call there — there's not enough blocking to run that screen successfully. Chiefs end up kicking a field goal. Nifty run by Williams to get the Broncos into the red zone. Gordon fumbles! Bolton picks it up and he's GONE. Touchdown Chiefs! They line up to go for two. Mahomes keeps it and he gets there! Lock to Patrick for about 30. Broncos are MOVING. Wait, what? The Broncos... send the field goal team out? With 4:37 left? This is why Fangio's getting fired. It's very possible the Broncos won't get the ball back no matter what happens here.


Incidentally, the kick was good. Chiefs get to the Broncos' 25 in one play. They might score AGAIN. First down Kelce. That's it and that's all.


So the 1 seed is still in play. Also, that's 13 straight wins for the Chiefs over the Broncos. (Chiefs 28, Broncos 24)

Hurts (among many, many others) isn't starting, and who knows how long Dak and the Cowboys' starters will actually play. It's a very weird set of circumstances: the Eagles will be either the sixth or seventh seed, and this game has no bearing on that. Kelce to start his 122nd straight game. Minshew comes out throwing! Kelce comes out after the first snap. Smith catches a deflection for 25. Minshew scramble. Ward lines up under center and makes a shovel pass to Richard Rodgers. Another shovel pass, this one from Minshew to Tyreek Jackson for a touchdown. How many starters are the Cowboys sitting on defense? The Eagles just walked down the field with all backups. Cowboys go for it on 4th and 3 and Dak finds Cooper coming across the middle.


Touchdown Wilson. Low kick but it's good. 10-7 Cowboys. It's a mystery why Jason Huntley wasn't returning kickoffs all year. Jackson picks up a first down. Field goal ties it. Eagles challenge that Elliott fumbled. They'll lose. They lose. Wilson is open and catches another pass, then stretches across the goal line. Big run for Huntley. They send Gainwell down the field and he converts a third down. Touchdown Gainwell. Good job by Jackson, who's still learning to play tight end, on sealing the edge. Cooper takes a shot but hangs on at the Eagles' 3. That's a touchdown if Cooper doesn't jump. Dalton Schultz scores on the next play. PAT is missed. That's not a good punt. Dak finds Schultz in the back of the end zone. 30-17 Cowboys at halftime. Cowboys bring their starters back out to begin the third. I would not have done this. Lisa reports that they'll probably stay in through the third quarter.




Watkins runs parallel to the marker for about 15 yards before finally finding a spot to turn up field, converting 4th and 3. A wide open JJAW drops a touchdown, and I'm being generous using the word "drop." They pick up the OPI flag. Then he commits OPI on the next play. I'm not even joking. How is he SO bad?


Eagles settle for three. I know these are third-stringers in the Eagles secondary but nobody's been close to a Cowboy in the end zone. Did they bring Rush in mid-drive or did I just miss it?


You know what else is a fun fact? Scorigami! (Cowboys 51, Eagles 26)

Signal Finder: PIT @ BAL, WSH @ NYG, GB @ DET (end), SF @ LAR, TB @ CAR
Najee Harris gets hurt on a third-down catch. It's raining steadily but not heavily. Bad snap! Huntley fumbles! Steelers ball! And that ties T.J. Watt with Michael Strahan for the single-season sack record. If Huntley doesn't try to get up, the second half of that doesn't happen. They're calling that turnover a Huntley carry, so it's not a sack. Johnson gets drilled at the 5, just short of a first down. Field goal is good. Interception? The ball hit the ground. Edmunds is still running. Oh, hang on — replay shows that Andrews made contract by tripping over him before the ball came out. It was called an interception and this might stand (but the return shouldn't.) Yup. Steelers ball. Roethlisberger lofts one that gets picked off. Big run by Freeman. Ravens run a fake punt but the throw is off target. Steelers go three and out. This is NOT an interception but nobody's blown a whistle or anything. Nobody's moving the ball. Huntley barely avoids a Watt sack by getting rid of the ball on third down by a half-second. Two-minute warning photo montage is all Ben against the Ravens through the years. These officials aren't calling anything today. Huntley takes off down the right sideline. Watt gets the sack this time. Hollywood has a touchdown go off his fingers. He knocks Huntley down but takes a knee to the groin. Tucker's automatic from 24. Halftime. Murray takes off! Touchdown! Snell gets stuffed on 3rd and 1. Boswell makes the kick. Murray AGAIN. Huntley sneaks and converts 4th and 1. 10-6 Ravens after three. Steelers get an interception in the end zone! Bad decision by Huntley. Double reverse to Claypool, who's had a disappointing second season. Harris back, and he catches a short pass to pick up third and 3. Snell throws a vicious stiffarm to gain another 10 yards, but a face mask call on someone else brings it back. That ends up killing the drive. Freiermuth with a big catch. McCloud elevates. Freiermuth spins out of a tackle and gets inside the 5. Touchdown Claypool! 2:54 left. Huntley to Andrews for 11. Edmunds gets in front of Andrews to break up a sideline route. Huntley is stopped short. Tucker on for a 46-yarder. It's good because of course it is. Tied with 1:13 left. Freiermuth gets out of bounds but doesn't get the first down. Steelers punt from their own 44 on 4th and 1. It pays off as the Ravens can't get past their own 30 and punt. Does Ben have a Hail Mary in him? We won't know, because he takes a knee. Overtime!


Eagle: "Uniquely fitting." Ravens win the toss. Murray crosses the 45 for a first down. Huntley misses Andrews on third down as it starts raining harder. Ben with a big-time throw to Freiermuth on third down. Johnson! Evan Washburn reports that the wind has also picked up along with the rain. Johnson drops it on 3rd and 8. They call time out. It would be a 60-yard field goal, which they can't do in these conditions. Low throw but McCloud catches it and falls backwards to get the first down! Harris takes it left and gets 14. Ben takes a knee. Two minutes left. Boswell out. It's GOOD! crosses off Ravens


(Steelers 16, Ravens 13, OT)




Even Moose gave up after that. (Washington 22, Giants 7)


(Packers 37, Lions 30)

Meanwhile, Trevor Lawrence is having his best game of the season. He saves a bad snap then makes a perfect throw to Marvin Jones Jr. It's 23-3 Jaguars! The Colts haven't won in Jacksonville since 2014 (!!!) Taylor gets stuffed at the goal line! This one's over and that's the story of this game: the Jaguars absolutely manhandling the Colts. This is a disaster, and it feels like someone has to pay.


(Jaguars 26, Colts 11)

Meanwhile meanwhile, what are the Titans doing? This went from 21-0 to 21-18 in less than a quarter. Julio Jones with his first touchdown of the season. In WEEK 18. Great trade, guys. Seriously, Danny Amendola's still in the league? Titans hang on. It's gonna be real stupid when the Texans fire David Culley after one season and draft the quarterback from Liberty at No. 3 overall when he's at least a two-year project. (Titans 28, Texans 25)



The answer is the Bengals, yes. Two very different feelings in the Ohio chapter of the NFL right now. (Browns 21, Bengals 16)

Both these coaches are probably getting fired. (Vikings 31, Bears 17)



What weird seasons for both of these teams. (Saints 30, Falcons 20)

Rams get the ball first and they're on the move. Saints and Cardinals scores pop up in the top left corner. I'd just keep them there, like they do during the NCAA tournaments. Stafford gets sacked on third down, forcing a field goal. Dre Greenlaw hits Van Jefferson high while he's wrapped up and that's a flag. Cam Akers tore his Achilles during training camp and he's playing today. That's nuts. Kupp catches a swing pass but is stopped a yard short of the sticks. Rams call their second timeout. Play fake gets Higbee wide open for the touchdown. Garoppolo gets the ball knocked out of his hands. Kittle dives on it but can't secure it, and they're still fighting over it. Refs rule 49ers recover, but they lose 12 yards. Then Garoppolo gets sacked. Punt is returned 31 yards inside the 20. The 49ers' punter got wrecked at the end of that, too. Corner fade to Higbee and they call it a touchdown! Yep, elbow's down.


Aiyuk gets open and sets the 49ers up for a field goal. Because the punter was the holder, Juszczyk will hold on this attempt. It's perfect. 17-3 Rams at halftime, but the 49ers will get the ball to start the second half. Robbie Gould will have to punt. Aikman: "I would have bet money it was gonna be Juszczyk as the punter." Nice fingertip catch by Hasty as Garoppolo gets plastered. Aiyuk is wide open. Samuel takes it out of the backfield, cuts outside, and scores! Quite a few 49ers fans here. I mean, Levi's Stadium's already halfway to L.A. so. Another successful Garoppolo sneak. Tough running by Mitchell. They give it to Deebo, who THROWS it for a touchdown to Jajuan Jennings! He was so wide open he bobbled it and still had time to gather it in. We're suddenly tied. Stafford throws an awful pick. My goodness. The return gets called back but it's still Niners ball. Gould with a GOOD punt. Stafford sacked for the fourth time. Interception! Still tied after two punts. Deebo! Ramsey picks off Garoppolo in the end zone after juggling it about six times. Garoppolo protesting that he was hit in the head, and he was. That's usually called. Kupp with a great catch off a perfect throw, but Stafford comes up limping. He stays in and hands off to Akers. Touchdown Kupp with 2:39 left! Remember when the 49ers had to go 98 yards against Seattle and almost pulled it off? Well, now they have to go 88. Garoppolo fires one past Ramsey to Deebo. Touchdown Jennings! We're tied! What in God's name was that coverage? OVERTIME. Jennings again! 49ers should probably be playing for the game-ending touchdown here but it doesn't feel like they are. Rams call their last time out after the 49ers already used theirs. Gould kicks it. 27-24. And now the Cardinals have lost, so this game just became relatively meaningless to the Rams, as they've officially won the NFC West. Good thing, too, as there's only 2:30 left in OT. Stafford throws it up for Beckham. INTERCEPTED. Niners win!


crosses off Saints (49ers 27, Rams 24, OT)

If this is the end of the Wilson/Carroll/Schneider partnership in Seattle — and I'm on the record that it should be — good job not going out like chumps, Seahawks. (Seahawks 30, Cardinals 20)

What the hell is Tom McCarthy doing here? Is Nantz dead? And Romo sounds like he's had something for five days. We come in and Darnold finds Chuba Hubbard for a short touchdown pass. Brady with exactly 5,000 yards passing now. He's done it twice! (2011) Seriously, someone give Tony a Halls. Amir Abdullah's still alive? Panthers facing fourth and half a yard. Darnold sneaks it. Short! Romo wonders if maybe they should have brought Cam in to do that, and McCarthy says he thought they would. Wide receiver pass is overthrown. Romo theorizes that the ball came out late because of the glove Zylstra wears. The Bucs still have Mike Evans. Perriman with a tough sideline catch but he's out of bounds. I thought he was in. He WAS in. They changed the call. Brady fakes it then throws it to Le'Veon Bell for a touchdown. Wait, now Evans is hurt?


10-7 Bucs at the half. They get the ball to start the third quarter and Brady shows up with a figurative carving knife. Ke'Shawn Vaughn touchdown makes it 17-7. Well, Evans is back and he just caught another touchdown. 24-10 Bucs. D.J. Moore tries and fails to catch a deflection in the end zone and he's hurt. Fourth and 4 and Darnold throws off his back foot and somehow gets it to Robby Anderson in the end zone. Murphy-Bunting was all over him. GRONK. Another Evans touchdown. Darnold fumbles on a keeper. Bucs add three more and this is probably officially out of hand. (Buccaneers 41, Panthers 17)

The Patriots have always struggled in Miami under Belichick. Brady has a losing record there! (Dolphins 33, Patriots 24)


If the Raiders win they jump to the 5 seed. They'll get the ball first. Moreau breaks free! He's on his way, but Adderly punches the ball out! Where did it go out? The official down there says it went out at the 1. Overhead shot shows it did. Whew. They spot it at the 7, where the fumble occurred. Throw the ball, David! Jeez. Raiders settle for a short field goal. What's this stuff coming up off the turf? It looks like mist or something. Carr overthrows Zay Jones, who would have scored easily. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Chargers fumble the punt and the Raiders get it back at the Chargers 23.


They go for it on 4th and 10 and Jones gets drilled at the first down marker. Carr finds Renfrow for a touchdown. The Madden family lit the torch pregame. Chargers getting their act together. Touchdown Ekeler, who stumbles but avoids contact. Flags all over the place. One's for DPI, for sure. Ekeler's second touchdown of the night puts the Chargers in front. Raiders run it on 3rd and 23 and Jalen Richard gets it! Then Jones draws an interference flag on Chris Harris. Where's the ball? Jacobs scores with 37 seconds left. Chargers go deep to Jared Cook. Wait, why is it 3rd and 23? Hopkins MISSES! There's the schedule. The Bengals get the Saturday afternoon opener! We all knew it! Genuinely shocked NBC didn't get the Cowboys for Sunday night. Why aren't the Chargers punting? They're at their own 18! Good Lord.


Carr overthrows Waller in the end zone. Field goal makes it 20-14. Carr finds Edwards at midfield. Mariota comes in on 3rd and short and keeps it, taking it inside the 10. Raiders don't challenge this incompletion. Wait, that's the end of the third quarter? Mariota goes left but gets taken down by the legs. Carr hits Renfrow for a touchdown! They go for two and get stuffed. 26-14. Herbert gets picked off? Is that Casey Hayward? Wasn't he a Charger at one point?


Field goal makes it 29-14. Herbert's doing all he can. Crosby hits his arm to force an incompletion on third down. They go for it and Williams catches it, but where? Sticks are out. Short! By the length of the football. Chargers challenge because they pretty much have to. Call REVERSED. Now the Chargers are looking at 4th and 21. Touchdown! Herbert finds an open Palmer after the Raiders double Cook. Chargers go for two. Collinsworth makes the correct argument that you want to know now if you need to score twice. Especially with 4:28 left. Joey Bosa hits Carr and he fumbles, but somehow the Chargers don't recover it. Chargers get a stop. Fourth and 10 and Herbert finds Allen for 10 and a first down.


Williams almost made an awesome one-handed catch. They get the Raiders for defensive holding on 4th and 10. Herbert appears to fumble before picking it up and taking off. Second look shows it's an incomplete pass, and the booth review confirms it. Herbert and Ekeler were not on the same page there. He was OPEN and the ball went on a different route.


Palmer can't stay inbounds on third down. 22 seconds left. The Raiders almost jump offsides. Herbert finds Williams!


Ten seconds left; ball at the Raiders 29. Guyton makes a diving play at the sideline. Officials discuss it and call it incomplete, and now it's being reviewed. This one looks like his elbow hit inbounds. Call REVERSED. They put three seconds back on the clock, so there five seconds left and 12 yards to go. TOUCHDOWN. MIKE. WILLIAMS. Extras point is GOOD at triple zeroes! My God.



Raiders win the toss and take the ball, so at least we'll be starting with the rested units. Jacobs with back-to-back big runs and the Raiders are already inside the 30. Chargers hold and Carlson just makes a field goal, which does NOT end the game. Al: "It's the best show in Vegas tonight, I'll tell you that." At about the same time that Cris brings up that exact possibility. Cook gets open down the sideline... because one of the linemen went down there with him. Williams comes up big AGAIN on fourth down. He almost dropped that one! Williams can't bring in a touchdown pass. Fourth and 6. Hopkins is in for a 41-yarder. It's GOOD. Jesus.




And with 4:30 left, we are now in that exact scenario. Carr finds Jones for a first down! Two minutes left.


Two straight runs. Chargers call time out.


Cris is about to short-circuit. Al: "These will be very interesting press conferences after the game." They give it to Jacobs again and he gets the first down. Al noting that Carlson has never missed a kick here would be peak announcers' jinx. IT'S GOOD!!







Carr says postgame that the time out changed their strategy, so. That dude's a real one. Al: "We're on to Cincinnati." Well, they aren't, but the Raiders are. (Raiders 35, Chargers 32, OT)


RANKINGS:
TOP 4:
 1. Green Bay (13-4) — Rodgers shouldn't have played that much this week
2. Kansas City (12-5) — Scuffling through
3. L.A. Rams (12-5) — Balancing risk and reward
4. Tampa Bay (13-4) — Time to figure some things out

BOTTOM 4:
 29. N.Y. Jets (4-13) — It's what we expected, right?
30. N.Y. Giants (4-13) — Need to be honest with themselves
31. Detroit (3-13-1) — Maybe there's potential here?
32. Jacksonville (3-14) — Can't afford another screwup like this season was

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