Saturday, January 6, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 10: Amateur Tip

So the leading rusher in this game was Adrian Peterson. That's... to be expected, given the parties involved. He only had 29 yards. That should be concerning to all parties involved. (Seahawks 22, Cardinals 16)

 Signal Finder: MIN @ WSH, PIT @ IND, LAC @ JAX (end),  CIN @ TEN (end), DAL @ ATL

This Week's Game That Shouldn't Have Been This Close: Great play on the interception by the Colts there, and it looks like Martavis Bryant got owned yet again. Not a great throw but he never saw it. Is that Joe Haden walking off? Nobody near Moncrief and he walks into the end zone. Touchdown Colts. Whoa, Speedway B-roll? I feel like that's not as common as it should be. Steelers not doing much offensively. Field goal is good. 10-3 Colts at the half.


The Steelers' secondary hasn't been the greatest. Safety goes the other way and it's touchdown Colts. Steelers pushing back. Touchdown Juju after a sick play fake. Extra point BLOCKED! He could go! One man to beat... and he doesn't beat him. 


Brissett pass goes through Doyle's hands and Shazier, who's tied up with Doyle, somehow intercepts it. Ben with enough time to eat a Primanti's before finding McDonald for the touchdown. Steelers go for two and Bryant(!) converts. Boswell MISSES. Steelers get it back and start making moves. I'm surprised they let Bryant come back, honestly. Brown! Boswell in position again... and it's good. (Steelers 20, Colts 17)



That's the Austin Seferian-Jenkins play again. The Bears can't do anything right. (Packers 23, Bears 16)

Bridgewater active! Also Washington's got the left side of its line back. Someone forgot to cover Ryan Grant on the crossing route. This is probably a touchdown. It's DEFINITELY a catch. Who is this dude? Oh, practice squad. Overturned and give them the points. Diggs beats Josh Norman pretty badly for a huge gain. Latavius Murray with the touchdown. Both 99 and 22 (Harrison Smith) on the Vikings have different-looking identical numerals on their jerseys. Cousins may have been hit late. Ah, helmet-to-helmet contact. Washington's going for it on 4th and 2 from the Vikings 35. Complete to Chris Thompson, and he scores easily on a better throw. Fumble? Fumble! And Kelley's hurt either way. Nah, his knee's down. Good hold by the Vikings defense and the field goal is good. #DeceptiveSpeed from Adam Thielen? Touchdown Diggs. Washington just shuffled four O-linemen in and out on three plays. Middle of the field EMPTY for Crowder. Vikings challenging the spot. They'll lose. Don't take me seriously. Washington going for it again. They're at the 4?? They get it as Samaje Perine goes to the 1. Cousins sneak. Touchdown about a minute later. Did he bobble the snap? Jesus, that was ugly. They seemingly refuse to cover Thielen, and then he makes Norman look foolish and snatches that pass for a touchdown. Then Cousins throws a not-good interception. Yep, too high. Aaand touchdown Vikings. Cousins takes a knee and it's 28-17 Vikings at halftime. Thielen AGAIN! I thought Josh Norman was good. Case Keenum is ON FIRE. Touchdown Vikings! Big play to Crowder, who follows it up with two red-zone drops. And Davis notes that that's the second time Sendejo's knocked the ball out of a WR's hands in the end zone. The Vikings look... legitimately scary. And I never thought I'd say that about a Case Keenum-quarterbacked team. Then he does that.


In no man's land again. 4th and 6 and Cousins' pass gets tipped. Another interception by Keenum! Did I jinx him? Cousins keeper is ruled a touchdown. Is it? Yeah, he's over before the ball falls out.
Vikings with a decision now. 4th and 12 from the Washington 40. Field goal time. Forbath good from 53 and it's 38-27. Now it's 4th and 1 from the Vikings' 33. The R's have ended up here a LOT today. Thompson LOSES five yards! Cousins can't take that sack. 4th and 25. Good Lord. They still have to try the field goal, but now it's a 56-yarder. It's GOOD? Oh. Onside kick fails. (Vikings 35, Redskins 30)

Saints literally running all over the Bills. Why'd they trade Marcell Dareus again? (Saints 47, Bills 10)

Wait, didn't the Jaguars take the lead? Bortles throwing into coverage. Did Hurns get hurt there? He's crawling quickly to the sideline. THEY GET BOSA FOR ROUGHING. Bortles smartly doesn't get sacked twice and the Jaguars have a chance to tie. New long snapper alert. Kick is still good. We're tied. Who does Bortles throw to these days with no Allen Robinson, no Allen Hurns, and apparently also no Marquise Lee? At least Philip Rivers has Keenan Allen. EXCEPT FOR THAT TIME.


Is this gonna end on a pick-six? Oh, no. OK. Even so. (Jaguars 20, Chargers 17, OT)

So finally, no Ezekiel Elliott. Also, no Tyron Smith today. Dez getting heated up early, and that's bad if you're a Falcons fan. Prescott sacked. Buck with the preemptive warning as we see that Dez was... look, in hockey, that's two minutes for boarding. Ryan throws an interception, which he's been doing a lot of lately. Xavier Woods? What? Freeman walking off, and that's bad if you're a Falcons fan. Play-action read-option and Prescott takes it himself. Well-designed. Ryan hitting his targets on this drive. Hooper makes a move to get a first down. Comes up short on the next one and Bryant kicks a field goal. Sean Lee's hurt again? Christ. Nice catch by Butler. Cowboys run a fake punt? OPI on the receiver. Alford MAY have sold that a little bit. That's a perfectly executed punt. No, really. Cowboys cover man was in great position and downed it right at the 2. Brief mention of Jerry Jones' dispute with Goodell's contract and Arthur Blank.


Prescott sacked again. Falcons back on the move.
Now in the red zone, where they could really use Freeman. That's too far for a dive, and Coleman does come up short. He doesn't that time, though, and it's 10-7 Falcons. Prescott doesn't get sacked and runs for a first down. Another run by Dak, who looked tired after that one. Completions to Beasley and Witten keep things going. ANOTHER sack and this time Prescott fumbles and the Falcons come up with it to go to halftime. Julio! Touchdown Falcons as Ryan was perfect on that drive. Cowboys come back with some big Morris runs. Field goal is NOT good. Hooper... does not score. This time he does. That was the same play, wasn't it? "Well, we got 18 yards last time. We can get two THIS time." There's another sack for Adrian Clayborn. Falcons are just running over the Cowboys now. SIX sacks for Clayborn. Buck is straight clowning Aikman at this point. (Falcons 27, Cowboys 7)



That Garrett Celek touchdown... oy. It's not like he's, y'know, fast.
(49ers 31, Giants 21)

Lot of glitches in this anthem performance. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL.


And the Pats score immediately on a slant to Rex Burkhead. Osweiler finds Sanders (who IS playing) for a much-needed big gain. Field goal is good. JESUS. Broncos special teams. Dude PUSHED Lewis to a touchdown. That's Devante Booker, who's the backup running back — not used to tackling people. Sanders single handedly keeping the Broncos' offense running. Another field goal. And there's Gronk. Third and goal from the 1 1/2 and you go shotgun? You deserve to get sacked. Then this happened:


And now a BLOCKED PUNT. My God. Patriots challenging this Gronkowski catch. I'm not sure I can overturn this. So that cost Belichick two time outs. Field goal is good. Sanders AGAIN. Does Thomas even play any more? Touchdown Dwayne Allen, against Von Miller, and that's... that was his FIRST catch of the season? I thought he already had one. Christ, the Colts really have robbed the Pats twice in trades. 27-9 at halftime and the Broncos just look bad.


Demaryius Thomas lives! Anderson didn't get in. And it's offensive holding anyway. Touchdown Thomas! Penalty's on the Patriots so it'll stand. Pats busy answering. What's wrong with this defense? Lewis goes right through a big hole for a touchdown. Thomas almost made a great catch over Gilmore. Wait, why did they punt there? Harris gets away with interference on Cooks. Collinsworth: "Great cornerbacks are like great magicians."
Touchdown James White. Collinsworth talking about how Osweiler told him that he felt like his fundamentals got better during his brief stop in Cleveland and he immediately gets intercepted. Pats playing in Mexico City next week, so they're staying here to practice in altitude. Brian Hoyer in. Hard to say what exactly is wrong with the Broncos. It's more than one thing. In their last four games, they've given up 51 and 41 AND been shut out. They've blown it at quarterback, obviously, but the defense has been awful the last two weeks. Thomas, who's ostensibly their No. 1 receiver, hasn't been part of the offense for about 14 games going back to last season.
Small "Brady" chant breaking out. "And it's on to Mexico." (Patriots 41, Broncos 16)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (8-1) — Rest in the nest
2. New England (7-2) — Not quite like clockwork, but effective nonetheless
3. Pittsburgh (7-2) — Seriously, that was way too close
4. New Orleans (7-2) — Have never run the ball like this

 BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (3-6) — Already playing out the string, it seems
30. San Francisco (1-9) — The first of... some?
31. N.Y. Giants (1-8) — This isn't going to get any better, is it?
32. Cleveland (0-9) — Where's the foundation?

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