Friday, January 19, 2018

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 12: Understuffed

Practically a cold open as we go to Erin almost immediately. Again, how do you line up offside on a KICKOFF? Lions try to draw the Vikings offside on 4th and 1 from their 49 instead of just going for it. It does not work.


Vikings driving as the announcers recount the rise of Adam Thielen from undrafted local kid to their second-best player over the last month. Nice run by Latavius Murray, who looks like his Raiders self again after Dalvin Cook's injury. Kyle Rudolph will never catch an easier touchdown pass. Extra point is BLOCKED. Pereira wondering why the Lions didn't pick up the ball afterwards. Fumbled handoff gives the Vikings the ball back. Ball pops out of McKinnon's hands and Thielen catches it for what might be a touchdown? No, his knee's pretty clearly down. They call it a touchdown for the sole purpose of reviewing it, and they overturn it. Keenum scores on a keeper. Oh, it's Thanksgiving dinner. OK.
Theo Riddick may be the best running back for this offense but he doesn't play enough, and Amir Abdullah has been disappointing. They haven't had a 100-yard rusher in 62 games? Stafford tries an off-hand flick that falls incomplete.
This Thielen catch will be short. Vikings go for it and I'm not sure why, to be honest. False start. This time they punt. First down Lions! Marvin Jones Jr. doing work on this drive. Lions beat the blitz with a screen that would have been a touchdown if Riddick had caught it. Field goal is good. Defensive holding bails out the Vikings. Kai Forbath... not having the best day. Rudolph makes a move as the Lions defender misses the ball and he streaks downfield. Touchdown Rudolph on a great throw by Keenum. Not sure how this Golladay dude stayed inbounds. DPI put the ball at the Vikings' 12. As Buck just said, with 19 seconds, they can do whatever they want. Then the Vikings commit a face mask. Touchdown Lions. Call stands after review. Jason DeRulo at halftime. 20-10 Vikings. This isn't bad for what it is. Vikings wasting NO time. McKinnon with a big run and Murray finishes it off.
That's a good catch by Jones to convert 3rd and 10. You can really hear Stafford's audibles. Buck: "Can't wait to see what 'Travolta' gives us." How about a touchdown? Now they're reviewing it. This might get overturned. It was overturned and the Lions are stuck kicking a field goal. Stafford out here throwing blocks but it's all for naught as Trae Waynes pins Riddick. Did he block Harrison Smith? That was unintentional. That Lions running game thing? Now we learn that the Lions have only had NINE 100-yard rushing games in Stafford's starts. Fumble? Not a fumble. Vikings challenge for some reason. Still not a fumble. Stafford gets sacked. Field goal is good. Taunting on Keenum? Who just got sacked? The hell? You're right, Joe; I don't believe that happened. WOW. Crazy sequence: Jones with a great catch for a touchdown! Stafford down and grabbing his knee. The Vikings had 12 men on the field (including two on Jones) and couldn't stop that. Stafford got rolled up. Lions don't go for two and it's 27-23. Who's the Lions' backup? I don't even know. Michael Floyd's on the Vikings? That's a key stop by the Lions, forcing the Vikings to choose between a 55-yard field goal by a guy who's had two kicks blocked today and a punt. They punt. Diggs! Though I'm not sure why he went out of bounds when he could have scored and ended the game right there. The Gobbler's gone? Joe can barely hide his glee. Lions forced to go for it. Interception by Rhodes. Vikings just killing time now.
Rub-it-in field goal coming. Blocked but this will come back because dude was extremely offsides. That'll be that. (Vikings 30, Lions 23)

This is the Chargers' first Thanksgiving game since 1969. Let's carve up this leg of lamb and get at it. Tyron Smith back, so at least Dak may stay upright. Chargers threaten to strike first with that bomb to Benjamin. Field goal is no good and the Chargers have had problems with kickers all year. Get the ball! They lost 11 yards on that fumble (but at least they still have the ball.) Now it's 4th and 13 from the Cowboys' 16 and they're... going for it? Did they get this? NOPE. Chargers not showing a lot of confidence in their kicking game.


Meanwhile, the Cowboys can't sustain anything. Bolts ball again. Are they gonna kick it this time? They're at the 4. Here comes Novak. Kick is good. 3-0. 
Halftime. This being Dallas, we get one of these numerous country bros. Who is this? Seriously, aside from genre and the Cowboys cheerleaders, this is practically indistinguishable from the DeRulo performance in Detroit. I am told this is Thomas Rhett, and I suppose I'll have to accept it. I can't tell 90 percent of these dudes apart anyway. Lot of Melvin Gordon on this drive. Not that that's a bad thing. Touchdown Hunter Henry, who I believe is also a country musician. Extra point is NO GOOD. What is going on? Wait, Novak's hurt? Then why were they.... never mind. Dak in the shotgun. TACKLE HIM. Dak scores but it may come back. Yep, holding on Tyron Smith. This drive is now dead.


Holy hell that catch. 
This the punter kicking the PAT? Who is this Rod Smith and where did he come from? Does Alfred Morris not play anymore? Touchdown Cowboys. They go for two and fail. Meanwhile, the Chargers suddenly can't be stopped, but what else is new for the Cowboys defense. Keenan Allen just lit them up. No reason not to go for two after that.
Dak hits Williams deep. Bad snap but Dak recovers and manages to find Dez. INTERCEPTION! TOUCHDOWN. That's a 13-point swing and that's game. (Chargers 28, Cowboys 6)

Not much going on here, either. Oh, Zach Brown got a knee to the head or something. Not sure what that was. Darkwa coverts 4th and 1. Did the Giants lose their kicker, too? Oh, there he is. Jenkins got away with pass interference on that breakup in the end zone. These bootleg Giants receivers aren't fast or good, really. Collinsworth doesn't think JPP is "quite right". It's because he's washed, Cris. just drew a solid pass interference call. Cousins misses a receiver. Field goal is good. 3-3 at halftime. That's a SACK. 2nd and 27? Sweet. Crowder! Cousins rolls out, Crowder escapes, and hauls in a touchdown. Pick-six by Janoris Jenkins! It deflected off Byron Marshall's hands. Why is Eli making the Manning Face in the background?


Looks like Cousins got a foot caught in the bad FedEX Field turf. Morgan Moses is down for the R's. Jenkins is STILL down. TD stands.


Bad sack for the R's, as it knocks them out of potential field goal range. Was that JPP? Who mocked up that version of "O.P.P"? Eli with a bad low throw on what should have been a big play and now the Giants have to punt. Now the R's have a decision to make after being stopped. The punt team is out? Gruden pulls them back and brings the offense back out. Al theorizes that maybe they had a fake punt dialed up but didn't like the look. The play clock is running! It's at 4 and they're still in the huddle! Jesus Christ.
Doug Pederson might be the best coach in this division. Cris is upset that Fox got rid of the Gobbler. "It was modeled after me!" Crowder with a catch over the middle on third down. Cousins finds Doctson in the corner for the touchdown. Giants will go for it on 4th and 3 from their own 32 because they're 2-8. It ends in a sack and fumble. Washington kicks a field goal because they can.
(Redskins 20, Giants 10)

Signal Finder: CHI @ PHI, MIA @ NE (end), CAR @ NYJ (end), NO @ LAR, JAX @ ARZ (end)

Bears doing Bears things, which in this case means "committing special teams penalties that bury you at your own 5." That's not a good punt.
Ertz stopped short on 3rd and 10 and the Eagles may go for this. They do and Ajayi picks it up. Jeffery makes a sideline catch for another first down and he's mad because if he'd stayed inbounds, he scores.


Ertz cashes in immediately. That's a great route. Jake Elliott's healthy and adds the extra point. Burkhardt's a big fan of the Eagles' celebrations. Kickoff out of bounds? Interception by Jenkins, then he fumbles it and the Bears get it back. Jordan Howard gets stuffed on 3rd down. Blount with a big run but then HE fumbles and the Bears recover.


Refs pick up this illegal block in the back flag, and they probably should have. New Bears kicker Cairo Santos from 54. Not even close. That was worse than the one that they missed against the Lions last week that got Santos this job in the first place. Jeffery already with four catches against his old squad. Spin move by Wentz and he runs for a first down on 3rd and 9. Wentz overthrows Hollins but he was held. Touchdown Agholor on a screen. The Bears aren't good — Trubisky made a bad handoff in to the end zone and Howard just barely got out of there with it. Eagles got a piece of that punt. Damn that kick was high. Elliott field goal is good. 17-0. Blount jumping over people and dragging piles on the same run. Agholor comes up short on third down, and the Eagles may go for this again. Don't challenge spots, Doug. Call confirmed. Fourth down. Wentz appears to change the play ("Kill! Kill!"), sneaks it, and gets it.
I'm still kind of surprised Clement was undrafted. Figured he'd be a fifth or sixth-rounder, even with his injury troubles. They get Amukamura for another penalty. Touchdown Jeffery! BOWLING. 24-0 at halftime. The Bears have no first downs. NONE.
First down Bears! And Trubisky is subsequently sacked. Another first down! Curry just blew up some double-reverse foolishness. I did not know he wore No. 75 for the Marshall plane crash victims. Bears get a field goal. Eagles kind of sloppy this quarter. Torrey Smith takes a hard hit. Wentz audibles to a sneak again on 4th and 1 and gets it again. That's their third fourth-down conversion today. But this won't be a fourth.
That was almost picked off. Ryan Howard in the house. Ertz somehow left uncovered. The Wentz as Buddy Christ sign is a winner. Ajayi breaks ANOTHER big run, but fumbles... but Agholor recovers in the end zone for a touchdown! This is nuts. There are 12 minutes left. Now 10 after the Bears fail on fourth down. Foles in. And Ertz goes over 100 yards receiving, the first Eagle to do so this year. The other teams without one are the Browns and 49ers, so. Blount fumbles again. Is this a pick by Douglas? Does it matter to anyone but him? Call overturned.
Corey Graham (?) gets an interception off a tip. That should do it.
Now they're filming "A Chorus Line", apparently. Oh, it's the Electric Slide. I haven't seen that in years. (Eagles 31, Bears 3)

The Chiefs can't run the ball any more. Are both L.A. teams going to make the playoffs? The Chargers are one game back. (Bills 16, Chiefs 10)

Kuechly with the scoop and score! Panthers lead! Funchess tries to one-hand it and can't. Late flag? Roughing the passer. First down Panthers. "Lazaretto"? Nice, FOX DJ. (Panthers 35, Jets 27)

CBS started coverage at 4 here and is showing the end of Dolphins-Patriots for absolutely no good reason. (Patriots 35, Dolphins 17)

CROSSFLEX. Rams need more gold and less white in their uniforms. Just as important, if not more so, than Goff's improvement is Todd Gurley's resurrection. Touchdown Sammy Watkins! Michael Thomas tripped over nothing. Zuerlein's a beast. I questioned the hell out of the Saints drafting a running back but Alvin Kamara's really good. 74 yards! Gurley has moves. The Rams are making the Saints' defense look like it used to look. Kenny Vaccaro just stopped running. STOPPED. Touchdown Rams. Kamara broke about four or five tackles on that run. Watkins juggles it but brings it in for a big gain that gets the Rams into field goal range. That Cameron Jordan sack may have just taken them out. That guy's been killing it. The Saints took a time out here and I'm not quite sure why, especially when the Rams only had one left. Personnel, maybe? Zuerlein to try from 63. It's short. Ginn tries to return it but there's not enough room. 17-10 Rams at the half. Pink's! It'll be nice to have L.A. B-roll back. That's a long way to go for three points when you needed seven, Saints. Rams are making a statement here. Touchdown Kamara and that was entirely too easy. Onside kick alert. Aaaand no. (Rams 26, Saints 20)



This may be the pettiest beef in sports. (Raiders 21, Broncos 14)

Grey Cup! There's a damn blizzard in Ottawa. Isn't Ricky Ray like 44 years old? He just threw a 100-yard touchdown pass!


We just had a 109-yard fumble return for a touchdown. It's tied! High snap on this Toronto field goal attempt. GOOD. The Argonauts' kicker wears No. 70 and is named Hajrullahu. Calgary is driving. CALGARY IS DRIVING. INTERCEPTION IN THE END ZONE. I'm not sure I would have done that. Toronto wins! (Argonauts 27, Stampeders 24)

No Clay tonight, apparently. And Martavis Bryant is starting? Brown in right away. Steelers really milking the clock on these plays for some reason. Kevin King just saved a touchdown — it looked like Bryant tripped at first. Who is Xavier Grimble and why is he scoring touchdowns? Extra point is shanked. Packers offensive line looks different again. That's a bad penalty. Somehow Cobb was left alone and he scores. This extra point is good. Interception! TOUCHDOWN. Or not, as it looks like Randall was touched down. Hundley finds Jamal Williams on a screen, he gets a block, and runs untouched for a touchdown. This is how the Packers have to do this: turnovers and big plays.
Touchdown Bryant! Didn't think I'd ever say that again a month ago. Packers try an inside shovel to Cobb on 3rd and 2 that goes nowhere. They'll go into the locker room tied. TOUCHDOWN. PACKERS. I don't understand what's happening.


Another interception! This is how it happens. T.J. Watt, a linebacker, with a solid tackle on Nelson. Clutch sack forces a 57-yard field goal attempt which isn't even close. Crazy leaping catch by Brown. Pass interference? Ben drops one in to Brown's basket and we're tied. Bell fumbles and the Packers recover! This is nuts. Touchdown Steelers! House got caught up in Brown's route and Brown blew by him, and the safety help didn't come in time. Nelson stretches for a very important third-down conversion. Now it's fourth and 6 from the Steelers' 12 with just over three minutes left. Packers are going for it, as they should. Collinsworth predicts a blitz and he's right, and the Packers have to call time because there's no way that would have worked. Adams for the first down! Touchdown Williams!


Extra point ties it as Collinsworth wonders if McCarthy had considered going for two here. You've come to expect Brown to haul that one in, or one like it. Packers need this stop and they get it. Brown... catches this? Did he get both feet in? Yeah, he's kicking up dirt. Does he keep control? That's not overturnable, I think. I might have gone further down the field here (especially with two time outs), because now Boswell's left with a 53-yarder, which isn't a guarantee. IT'S GOOD! crosses off Packers (Steelers 31, Packers 28)



Yeah, that just feels like broadcast malpractice. (Ravens 23, Texans 16)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (10-1) — Now things get difficult
2. New England (9-2) — Cranking it up
3. Pittsburgh (9-2) — An exercise in self-reliance
4. Minnesota (9-3) — An oddly complete package

BOTTOM 4:
29. Chicago (3-8) — Yes, it's as bad as it seems
30. San Francisco (1-10) — Well, that didn't last
31. N.Y. Giants (2-9) — This victory was a tactical error
32. Cleveland (0-11) — Why are we still doing this?

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