Thursday, December 28, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 9: Standing Eight-Count

Loath as I am to agree with Richie Incognito on anything, these Thursday Night games are often bad and players have less recovery time, resulting in them maybe being too careful, opening themselves up to more possible injuries. What kind of ratings are these trash fires pulling, anyway? (Jets 34, Bills 21)

Signal Finder: DEN@ PHI, WSH @ SEA, KC @ DAL



Aqib Talib's a very good player. He got straight up fooled on that Jeffrey touchdown. Celek with a catch! That doesn't happen much anymore. (Also, no Ertz after all.) Elliott's kick is good. 10-3. Interception! Patrick Robinson's been really good since around Week 4.
Touchdown Clement! He chipped Von Miller and left, which is risky, but it worked. Also, good block by someone to spring him at about the 9 or so.
Good job, Brock. Right into triple coverage. You're lucky you've still got the ball. Ajayi in the house. Whoa. Broncos punt return. Is this a catch? I'd have challenged that. McManus barely makes it. He's had a tough year. After a drop, Jeffrey reaches up through a hold and hauls in a third-down pass. What is THIS mess now? Grounding? Maybe? So there's a delay of game, too. Oh, it IS Roughing the Passer. Burton! Did he break the plane? Pretty sure he did. Touchdown! Good throw by Osweiler and catch by Sanders. Solid hold by the Eagles' defense.


Welcome to Philly, Jay. Though he probably didn't need to change his angle. Call stands. Touchdown. 31-9.
You know what name I haven't heard the announcers say all game? Von Miller. Wait, how'd they get the ball back so fast? Are they gonna score again? No. 31-9 Eagles at halftime. My goodness. 
OPTIONS. Another pick from Osweiler. That was a punt. My God. McLeod with a casual 45-yard stroll of a return. Touchdown Jeffrey. 44-3. What.


And to this point: This is Joseph's first year. NONE of these guys are his guy. Bradham with a sack. Thomas picks up a 4th and 7 to force first and goal. Jamaal Charles gets nothing. That touchdown by Thomas breaks a 13-game personal drought for him (!). Foles in at QB. He'd be the Broncos' best guy. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. 44-23 now. Bomb to Agholor, who the refs rule outfought Chris Harris for it. Broncos challenge for no real reason. Three touchdowns for Corey Clement. "Fiftyburger?"
Smallwood's fist carry comes with less than three minutes left and goes for 28 yards. He may not have been active if Ertz was available. Why are you calling time out, Broncos? Haven't you suffered enough? (Eagles 51, Broncos 23)

Are... are the Saints good again?


This, too. (Saints 30, Buccaneers 3)

With DRC and now Jenkins suspended, the Giants have no cornerbacks, either.


And it was a SCREEN PASS. The Giants are Actually Bad.
I said when they let Coughlin go two years ago that that was the time to clean house. It looks like I was right. (Rams 51, Giants 17)



No idea how Ramsey gets tossed, too. None whatsoever. (Jaguars 23, Bengals 7)

No Earl Thomas for the Seahawks. Rob Kelley returning the kickoff? Three Seahawks had a chance at that. Is that snow? Or just big raindrops? Partial block on the punt? Yep. Wilson drops the snap. Duane Brown already starting for the Seahawks. Wow it's loud. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. That's a bad job by Perine and the Seahawks recover the fumble. That's Washington's 10th this season. Dude's name is Nasir Jones? SAFETY. Blair Walsh sucks, man.


Seahawks defense flying around like it's possessed. Wilson makes a risky throw and it's intercepted by Kendall Fuller, who I'm not sure thought he had it at first. Ball never hits the ground. He should be down by contact, though. Vernon Davis has been in the league 12 years? Touchdown Kelley. Wilson's made some not-great throwing decisions this half. But some quick work there to spike the ball for a field goal try. Blair. Walsh. Again.

7-2 Nationals after five. Cousins with a dart to Ryan Grant, who extends nicely to haul it in. I'll point out now, even though it was brought up earlier, that Washington's entire left side of its offensive line is gone. THIS field goal is good. 10-2. This flag miiight get picked up. And it does — refs rule the hit on Wilson was inbounds. Washington also getting inside pressure on Wilson as this montage shows. Interception! And that was also caused by pressure on Wilson, who lobbed that right to Will Compton.
Another bad throw by Wilson. I agree with Davis: The Seahawks need to stop going for the big play. On cue, they throw short and get a first down. Touchdown. Seahawks go for two and it's intercepted. He COULD go. Swearinger laterals to Norman, who ends up lateraling back to him and this will end at the 25. 


Touchdown Baldwin! Are the Seahawks about to win this shitty game? Graham drops the two-point conversion. Replay shows Baldwin juked Josh Norman and then nobody else bothered to turn around. Freeney's a Seahawk now? THAT DOCTSON CATCH THOUGH. Looking at this as many times as we have, he's down at the 1. And the Seahawks are down two defensive tackles (Sheldon Richardson didn't even play today). Touchdown Kelley!
They called Wilson down there? Oh. So it wasn't an incompletion. Washington calls time out — to make sure they've got their guys ready, as Davis just said.
Here's how bad the Seahawks O-line still is: Wilson almost got sacked by a one-man rush. Hail Mary! NO. That was close. I'll tell you something for free, Skins fans: The pen was out. (Redskins 17, Seahawks 14)

That's a funky shot of the sun coming into Jerryworld. As if on cue, we get Brice Butler dropping a pass because he closed his hands early and didn't see it. Cowboys hit two big passes in a row and are inside the Chiefs' 10. Prescott then throws the next one away into the Rangers' stadium. THEN he almost gets tripped from behind and still walks into the end zone. That's a late hit. Romo thinks the Chiefs should sit on this, and I suspect after an amazing delay of game penalty, they just might. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?!?! TOUCHDOWN CHIEFS. Fucking Scandrick gets toasted again. Hill ran right by him on what looked like a downfield screen.


Romo can't even right now. Damn, Tracy. How you gonna interview Garrett right after that? 14-10 Cowboys at the break. There's Kareem Hunt. Chiefs finish off the drive with a touchdown to Kelce.
Byron Jones having a rough last 20 minutes in real time. Was... was that a sack race? Touchdown Elliott after a solid drive. That's the first interception Alex Smith's thrown this year. The Chiefs may not get the ball back. (Cowboys 28, Chiefs 17)




Cutler back. Contain your excitement. Also, I had no idea this was the Sunday night game until, like, yesterday. Jared Cook already with two crucial catches. Dolphins go on offense and the announcers immediately reference Ajayi's departure. Al name-checks Burkhardt! Cena's theme used in a Camry commercial. Dolphins driving. Collinsworth noting that their center and tackles are far better in pass protection. Nice move and dive from Damian Williams for the touchdown. ONSIDE KICK! That's the call of a desperate man. I like it.
FUMBLE. Back to back flags. Maybe you weren't meant to get that promo off. The Raiders turned 1st and 25 into a first down. Touchdown! That's a great adjustment by Holton to go after that pass. It's never comfortable when Al and Cris especially talk about the peripheral stuff. Parkey field goal makes it 10-9. Raiders trying to make a late run here. This'll be from 53. Good. Wait, Julius Thomas is a Dolphin? Did I miss that or just forget it? Lynch! That wasn't Beast Mode but it's still a touchdown.


Drake with a big run. (Not THAT Drake.) Touchdown Landry and he does a little Michael Jackson afterwards. Carr fumbles, then an offensive lineman picks it up and HE fumbles, and it's Dolphins ball. Suh is being helped off. Big Williams run gets negated by a penalty. Drive stalls and Suh is back out with the Dolphins' defense. Cooper having a rough year with drops. Yeah, that hit the ground. 
The only thing Mack didn't get there was the actual sack. Weird schedule for the Dolphins: Pats twice in three weeks, then the Bills twice in the next three. Carr finds an open Roberts for 29 yards and they pick up another third down, and that's big with under 5 minutes left. (Also, usually it's the Raiders who would commit a 15-yard penalty on top of a big play like that.) Lynch slips through a hole for a touchdown and that should do it. Dolphins facing 4th and 9 with 3:06 left and they have to go for it. They get it, but a penalty wipes it out and they don't get it the second time. Super Bowl XXIII here was Collinsworth's last game? Huh. Also Elway won one here, as did Peyton. Interception? Interception! They're reviewing this Parker play. That's a catch, and a hell of one. Review says it's a catch. Touchdown Thomas! Gase isn't happy about having to call this time out, but you gotta get this right. Kenyon Drake bulls his way in for two. It's a three-point game! Onside kick time.


Collinsworth notes that the Raiders have already seen one, and is wondering what the Dolphins have cooked here. Time out Raiders AFTER figuring out what the Dolphins were doing. This one... won't work. (Raiders 27, Dolphins 24)

Let's just say this: If the Lions can't win in Lambeau tonight, it'll never happen again. Oh, they did it two years ago? What? Oh man. I take it back. Still, though. (Lions 30, Packers 17)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (8-1) — I still can't believe that happened
2. New England (6-2) — Same as it ever was...
3. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Where'd THEY come from?
4. New Orleans (6-2) — Seriously, are they?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Tampa Bay (2-6) — This isn't fun
30. N.Y. Giants (1-7) — An utter embarrassment
31. Cleveland (0-8) — Can't lose if you don't play
32. San Francisco (0-9) — WE WANT JIMMY


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