By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 7: The Low Road

This is the game that never ends... Oh, wait. You'd expect the Raiders to be the team to lose a game after committing two penalties on the final play. It's an insane world. (Raiders 31, Chiefs 30)

Signal Finder: CAR @ CHI, TEN@ CLE (end), DAL @ SF, CIN@ PIT

Are the Dolphins the worst 3-2 team in NFL history?

— Christian Harder (@realcharder30) October 22, 2017

NOT ANYMORE. Johnny Bellefield: "When Cutler went down y'all celebrated like it was the end of Episode 6." Well, yes. (Dolphins 31, Jets 28)

Oh, they're in London. Because when I saw a Rams home game with a 1 p.m. start, I was like "There is no way in hell they're doing a 10 a.m. kickoff in L.A." (Because the Chargers are also home.)

Backup QBs we've seen today: Drew Stanton, Cody Kessler, Matt Moore

I don't have any analysis. That's just gross.

— Marcas Grant (@MarcasG) October 22, 2017

Yeah... we may have seen the end of Carson Palmer. (Rams 33, Cardinals 0)

So much crossflexing. So. Much. The Kalil brothers! Carolina has a fullback? How do you just give Cam that much open field? Fumble on the pitch? Dude just dropped it. WOW! Touchdown Bears! Hey, the Bears offense is on the field finally. Who are their wide receivers these days? Oh, Kendall Wright? OK. That didn't go well. Third sack for the Bears already as the announcers talk about how the Panthers haven't run the ball well. Field goal is... not good. Replay shows it was slightly tipped. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Is that the same guy? It is! His name's Eddie Jackson. He just juked Cam and that's his second 75-yard touchdown in this game. They made it 76? Oh, OK. Also, Prince Amukamara is here, too. That third-down pass is off and the Panthers have to settle for a field goal. Trubisky DEEP to Cohen! First and goal. Jordan Howard bulldozing his way... to the 1. What's with the elevated goal line angle? That's not gonna show you anything. Yeah, he's short. Then he gets stuffed on 2nd down. Trubisky rolls out on 3rd and... makes it? I thought he dove too soon. AND HE DID. This shouldn't count and won't. No way Fox calls a fake here. Field goal is good.

Bears take the FG. I don't know. Zone-Lead with Jordan Howard would have been my call inside of the 1 yard line.

— Matt Bowen (@MattBowen41) October 22, 2017

Panthers need to pick up the pace. That's a good catch by Benjamin. Are they gonna get this ball spiked? Nope.

LMAO ref hadda take the ball from Benjamin like "man im tryna help yall"

— Trill Withers (@TylerIAm) October 22, 2017

17-3 Bears at the half. This "Bird and the Beard" thing is getting old, guys. Fouts calls the OPI on Benjamin. Did Samuel stay inbounds there? He did! Good footwork, rook. So many penalties. 

Panthers short on time. And that interception by Trevathan may have just ended this game. Newton threw it right to him and I have no idea why. He's getting killed out there. I can't understate just how boring this second half has been.

Well, at least I get to tell my great-grandkids that I once lost a bet against an NFL team that had 4 completions.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) October 22, 2017

Scratch that. Apparently I can. (Bears 17, Panthers 3)

Hot take: The Browns should have just kept Brock Osweiler. None of these kids are ready to be an NFL starting quarterback, and Osweiler could have been a sacrificial lamb while they sat and maybe learned something, if only what not to do. Poor Joe Thomas. How did the Giants not make a Godfather offer for him the last two seasons? We come in just as the Browns tie it with a 54-yard field goal. How was this kick not blocked? Deshone Kizer's been benched again, this time for Cody Kessler.

If I were Hue Jackson, I’d start Frank Ryan next week.

— Peter King (@SI_PeterKing) October 22, 2017

It can't be said enough: The Browns went out of their way--way out of their way--not to draft Carson Wentz or Deshaun Watson.

— MarkMaske (@MarkMaske) October 22, 2017

Mariota misfires on 3rd down and the Titans kick it away. Kessler kneels and the Browns will go to overtime. So that was... what? A quick kick on 4th down? Beats a 56-yarder, I guess? Browns get the ball back. Now it's Titans ball. They're in Browns territory again. Hue ices Succop as he misses, giving him another chance. That's such a Browns way to lose. (Titans 12, Browns 9, OT)

You know it's a slow day when you're seeing cut aways to sausages on waffles on Red Zone

— Yahoo Fantasy Sports (@YahooFantasy) October 22, 2017

It's not common for us to get a 4 o'clock FOX game on a CBS doubleheader Sunday, especially when it's not the Eagles. Also, this matchup would normally anchor a FOX doubleheader, so it's triply weird. The 49ers are also bad. Touchdown Elliott, who got suspended and un-suspended again last week. C.J. Beathard is starting an NFL game. I saw this dude at Iowa and never thought I'd see this. He's former NFL GM Bobby Beathard's grandson, I believe. Terrible punt. Cowboys get a break when Prescott's grounding gets offset. Touchdown Elliott. Beathard running? Touchdown Witten. Wait, why is Jeff Heath —  a starting safety — kicking off? Also it's 20-3 instead of 21-3, so I'm wondering if something happened to Dan Bailey. Turnover. Cowboys ball with 36 seconds left and the 49ers lose a scoring chance. Good Lord. Elliott just outran the entire city of Santa Clara on that touchdown. Oh, Bailey is hurt. Heath's gonna kick the PAT? CLANG. It's GOOD. Another 49er injured. That's at least five. Prescott with the play-action draw for another touchdown. Troy points out that the guy (Eric Reid) spying Prescott was blocked, allowing him to walk into the end zone. And there's another turnover. Sick touchdown catch by Bryant. (Cowboys 40, 49ers 10)

It's the Bell and Brown show, just like old times. Touchdown Steelers as Brown beats that poor Bengals cornerback.

The Steelers just did a hide and seek touchdown celebration that's definitely going to lead to Vontaze Burfict murdering someone.

— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) October 22, 2017

Green just activated his Inspector Gadget arms to pull that one in. The Bengals are challenging this backward pass ruling and it looks like they'll win it, getting 10 yards back. Nice run by Mixon. Dalton guns it to LaFell (!) for a touchdown. Touchdown Steelers as Juju Smith-Schuster sets the Bengals on fire. Bengals going for 4th and goal. Touchdown! Tight end was wide open and Dalton found him. That's a penalty. Was that catchable, though? Now Tomlin's saying he already called time out but he's not going to get it. Boswell on to kick, then. Good. 20-14 at the half. Joe Haden just pulled a pass off of Green's back for an interception. Another field goal follows. 26-14. That's the second straight Bengals drive to end with a pick. A FAKE PUNT. Wow. Somehow Burfict didn't kill anyone after that. (Steelers 29, Bengals 14)

Justin Timberlake got the Super Bowl halftime show, which should remind you that he somehow came out of the Janet Jackson thing unscathed. (And, indeed, that it's called "the Janet Jackson thing.") Foggy in Foxboro? Or smoke from pyro? ALWAYS COVER GRONK. Could've used that 12th guy on the last play, Falcons. Let's reset the first down markers. Belichick's all, "The fuck?" Gronk with a big catch in traffic — but it gets called back for offensive pass interference.
Fourth and 7 from midfield in the first quarter? Really, Falcons? Holy crap, Ryan had to bootleg out and he got the first down anyway! Kick is BLOCKED. "It's the same score at the end of the first quarter in the Super Bowl." Don't do this, Al. I like to think the State Farm commercial with the damaged truck is how Aaron Rodgers actually spent his summer.

if I were the falcons OC I would call the play they used to do all of last season where every skill player was always weirdly open

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) October 23, 2017

Brady directs traffic and leads Robert Alford right to where his throw goes, but Brady got roughed, so it won't count. Brady just flipped that to Cooks, who gets behind Gronk and scores. Gronk with another clutch catch. Good defense in the end zone forces the Pats to kick a field goal. This appears to be the James White drive. And it ends with him in the end zone. This is fog. And it's a lot worse now than it was in the first half.

We get it, Bill Belichick, you vape

— Rodger Sherman (@rodger_sherman) October 23, 2017

Falcons get the second-half kickoff. That Freeman run is their first big play tonight, I think. Two end zone overthrows for Ryan and it's fourth down. Bryant MISSES! Jeez.

Since the fog rolled into Foxboro, NBC has gone to break using Smoke on the Water and Purple Haze.

— 506 Sports (@506sports) October 23, 2017

Brady finds Hogan to get into the red zone. Field goal makes it 20-0. Collinsworth recaps that one drive in the Super Bowl that killed the Falcons. You can't overemphasize how terrible Ryan taking that sack was, but he points out that Freeman losing yards on the first down run caused that. More Freeman. Falcons going for it because, at this point, why not. DENIED. They lost five yards.

At least 10 NFL games today would have been better if completely blocked from view by fog.

— Kevin Clark (@bykevinclark) October 23, 2017

i would be fine with using the skycam for all plays always

— Danny Kelly (@DannyBKelly) October 23, 2017

There's still nine minutes left? Jones ripped that right out of Butler's hands to bust up the shutout. That Belichick sign, though. Man, this was a bad day of games. (Patriots 23, Falcons 7)

Three. Straight. Touchdowns. It's nice to officially be better than the Redskins again. (Eagles 34, Redskins 24)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (6-1) — That's how you break a hold
2. Kansas City (5-2) — Or Groundhog Day, possibly
3. New England (5-2) — Same as it ever was...
4. New Orleans (5-2) — Hmmm...

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (2-5) — Shut out by the Jaguars? Really?
30. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — And to think, they scored first this week
31. Cleveland (0-7) — Has anyone seen Brian Sipe? Anyone?
32. San Francisco (0-7) — Kind of embarrassing