Saturday, December 16, 2017

By The Pigskin Of Our Teeth, Week 8: Chaos Engines




Oh, Kiko. All of your worst plays are so soul-crushing. And when the Baltimore Ravens are accusing you of throwing a cheap shot... you threw a cheap shot. (Ravens 40, Dolphins 0)

Signal Finder: SF @ PHI, HOU @ SEA, CHI @ NO (end), DAL @ WSH

Big V at left tackle for Peters, while Johnson stays on the right side. The 49ers learned: Keep coming after Wentz. Elvis Dumervil lives?


Wentz is pressured and overthrows Jeffrey and the Eagles are forced to settle for three. Kick is good. 


Not the greatest punt. Eagles defense holds as it has all game. Why is Bedlam so early this year? 49ers have pinned the Eagles deep with punts twice now. Both defenses playing well. LIKE SO. Robinson with the hit to deflect the ball and McLeod picks it. The Roots with the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon theme song into break. Meanwhile, the 49ers are on their third right tackle. I'm pretty sure Charles Davis hasn't watched a second of "The Gifted." Something just went wrong in the truck for six seconds. Hollins 8 for 8 on targets this season? Sweet. Big pass interference call on 3rd and 15 sets up the Eagles at the 1. Is someone carrying their shoe? (It was Wisniewski.) Touchdown Ertz and Trout gets the ball.
Extra point is NO good. Not a great hold. PROTECT THE FOOTBALL. Beathard throws it right to Mills, who cuts across the field and eventually scores. Joe Staley down for the Niners. Eagles go for two and a wide-open Jeffrey cashes in.
Bradham may have gotten away with a late hit on Garcon, who crashed into some Eagles coaches or something. 
The Eagles' pass protection has been lacking today without Peters. Elliott good from 51. Raining harder now. Shovel pass gets the 49ers into the end zone. Big run by Clement. Then Jeffrey makes a strong catch on the sideline and powers through for the touchdown. THAT was quick. Reminded me of the Chip Kelly salad days. Niners driving. Cox dropped a pick after Hyde dropped the pass. Field goal is BLOCKED! Barnett playing big lately — two sacks last week and then that. So many rollouts. A better throw there and Ertz is still running. Blount does what Blount does — bulls his way for yards. Touchdown Blount. Another missed PAT.


That... may be a face mask? Beathard just throwing balls away now. Is it still a sad field goal if you have points already? Nick Foles sighting! (Eagles 33, 49ers 10)

And we arrive at this mistake-laden exhibition with Trubisky throwing a rookie-esque pick. On second look, that's on the receiver. And now there's a dustup. The Saints have won five in a row. And they've done it with defense, of all things. (Saints 20, Bears 12)



Fuller just blew up the Seahawks. Touchdown. He has nine catches and SIX touchdowns. Thomas bit on the play action and very few men in this league are recovering in time to run Fuller down. 
EARL'S REVENGE! 7-7 just like that.


Touchdown Miller.
Wilson scrambled and finds Richardson in the end zone. Watson with a nice scramble. Hopkins is straight-up beasting today. Touchdown Texans. That's a ridiculous concentration by McEvoy to catch that with a guy chasing him, a guy closing in on him, and a teammate way too close to him. Touchdown Richardson, and yet I believe a high-scoring game favors the Texans. Good traffic direction and patience by Watson gets him the first down on that run. Intercepted by Sherman. Clowney's having a GAME. I can't keep up. This is nuts. Thank God the Seahawks are slowing things down with chip-shot field goals that even Blair Walsh can't botch. Touchdown Miller!


Hopkins AGAIN. These two defenses have given up way too many big plays. Wait, did the Richardson touchdown not count? JIMMY GRAHAM LIVES. 


I need oxygen. (Seahawks 41, Texans 38)

Elliott coughs one up. Redskins in their bad burgundy uniforms with the copper numerals. Aikman suspects they'd be going for it with a healthy offensive line, which they don't have. Field goal is good. At no point did Terrence Williams consider turning upfield. Elliott walks into the end zone. He could have gone in backwards for all the resistance he faced. Crowder! Kelley denied the first time but not the second. Cowboys going for it on 4th and a long 1 near midfield, and you should if you've got that dude running the ball. Dez screen for a first down gets wiped out by a flag on Witten. This dude ain't Dan Bailey, that's for damn sure. Kerrigan on the sideline bike? Ah, a groin injury. We have two replacement kickers in this game, I'm realizing. 13-7 Washington. CLUTCH hold by Tress Way.


BLOCKED FIELD GOAL. Scandrick? Another touchdown for Elliott. 
Cousins coughs it up. Was that punched out from behind? Anyway it's Cowboys ball. "This dude" is Mike Nugent? I missed that the first time. And it looks like he's going to do the rest of the scoring in this game. Like, all of it.


And then he throws a pick-6. Nice work, everyone involved. (Cowboys 33, Redskins 19)

Dodgers 3, Steelers 3, Lions 3. That's a nice interception by Glover Quin, who's very good and not a lot of people know it. Well that went nowhere. Abdullah with a Barry Sanders-esque move.
Big-time catch by Marvin Jones Jr. And after a Lions field goal, Brown comes up with another great catch at the other end of the field. Touchdown Bell. Darius Slay almost made a spectacular interception. Like, it would have been better than Quin's. Brown then converts 3rd and 12 on the next play. Bell FUMBLES and the Steelers won't get points here. This is... a catch? Yeah, it's a catch. That's a good throw by Stafford down the sideline and now the Lions have a chance to go ahead here before halftime. That was a chance but the safety made a great play to break it up. Field goal is good and the Lions lead 12-10 at halftime. Rough hit on Road Dogg by Diggs, who gets flagged for it. Then a Brown touchdown gets called back. Then Diggs lights Brown UP on a third down. Steelers kick a field goal anyway to go ahead. Stafford gets away from T.J. Watt and runs for a first down. Lions go for it on 4th and goal from the 2... and get nothing as no one is open and Stafford gets taken down. Barry Sanders in the booth. Smith-Schuster finds a seam. He might go. HE'S GOING. 97 YARDS.


Kid's not even 21 yet. Lions come back with a good drive that stalls inside the Steelers' 5. Gun-shy, Caldwell sends out the field goal unit. Kick is good.
Tate fumbles and the Steelers recover. Someone lost track of Eric Ebron and he was wide open for big yardage. Oh, that's why they didn't run the ball earlier. Because it didn't work. Now they have to go for it, right? Fourth and 7, Stafford is pressured and throws incomplete. First down Steelers and this one's over. Somebody just got thrown out. (Steelers 20, Lions 15)

RANKINGS
TOP 4:
1. Philadelphia (7-1) — Well, we've already cleared the expectations bar
2. Kansas City (6-2) — Return to form
3. New England (6-2) — Same as it ever was...
4. Pittsburgh (6-2) — Where'd THEY come from?

BOTTOM 4:
29. Indianapolis (2-6) — Gut-wrenching
30. N.Y. Giants (1-6) — Can't lose if you don't play
31. Cleveland (0-8) — What are we doing any more?
32. San Francisco (0-8) — It's bad in person. But maybe not AS bad?

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